Scene: Generic hallway, SGC
Jack: I don't care if it's against orders, I just don't think it's fair that Teal'c should be kept inside SGC all the time.
Sam: Well, if we're gonna take him somewhere, it better be good.
Daniel: Maybe a museum would be instructional…(everyone just stares)…then again, maybe not!
Teal'c now enters, having heard his name mentioned,
Teal'c: No missions scheduled today, guess I'll just stand around and wait for you to return from your mysterious and probably very interesting if I were ever included lives in the outside world!
Jack: (grabs Teal'c and leads him by the arm) Not today, Teal'c, not today!
Scene: Local airport hangar, evening time, inside fairly large jet
Jack: I'm betting you'd love to see how to fly one of our kind of airplanes, am I right?
Teal'c: (happy and definitely showing it) Yes, O'Neill, I'd love to do just that! (big grin)
Daniel: Ummm…Jack? How'd you get us in here? The signs said 'off limits' something about the plane being in for a safety inspection?
Sam: He just flashed his, military ID and said "official business", no one even questioned it!
Jack: Yup, rank has its privileges!
Daniel: I dunno, I have a really bad feeling about this…what if
Jack: C'mon, Daniel, have some fun! We'll just check out how the plane works, then we'll get right back home, OK?
Daniel: I guess so, if that's what everyone else wants. Just don't think about actually taking off! I get airsick and if I don't have my Dramamine…
Sam: Shhh…what was that?
Jack: What?
Sam: I heard a noise, outside the plane. Everyone be quiet!
The team crouched in the now dark cabin of the aircraft and waited. They heard voices circling around the plane and a series of thuds and clicks, then the voices grew more faint, finally there was silence again.
Teal'c went to see what the people had been doing.
Teal'c: It seems as if we are locked inside the plane!
Jack: What?!
Daniel: He said "It seems…
Jack: I know what he said! When I say "What?!" it means I can't believe what I just heard…
Daniel: What?
Jack: Huh?
Sam: You guys aren't helping at all! Let's find a way out and get back to base before we're in real trouble.
A quick search of the plane revealed that all exits had been firmly bolted and locked. The team reunited and began to mill about dejectedly in the cabin of the plane. Sam discovered the battery-powered systems were still functioning, so she turned on some lights. Daniel checked out the galley and found -
Daniel: At least we won't starve! The kitchen's full of peanuts, soda and those tiny little drink bottles. Hey, where's Jack? Jack! Hey! Where are you?
Jack: (voice from off in the distance) Good thing we've got other essentials too, bathroom's got plenty of soap, toilet paper…we're all set!
Teal'c: If we are to spend some time here, I require some refreshment.
No one responded.
Teal'c: Listen, guys, I'm gettin' pretty hungry…and you don't want to know what I'm like when I'm HUNGRY!!!
Daniel: (dropping an assortment of nuts, cans of soda and liquor bottles onto Teal'c's lap) Here! Knock yourself out! I'm gonna go read or something… (he plops into a seat to "enjoy" the airline's latest copy of Air News)
Sam meanwhile has started up the projector and is showing previews of inflight movies…Titanic, Saving Private Ryan, Species II, Asteroid… Teal'c became curious, as well as slightly drunk,
Teal'c: These are stories the people of Earth enjoy watching?
Sam: Yup! Most of them are pretty popular.
Teal'c: You enjoy watching people get hurt or killed or die in large numbers on a sinking ocean vessel?
Sam: That's part of what people enjoy, I guess…
Teal'c: Then, people would love to hear stories of all the killing and destruction I have seen! Whole worlds blown away! Just think! How do I get in the movies?
Daniel: (shaking his head) Don't ask Teal'c, just don't ask! (Sam was giggling over the thought of a Teal'c action-adventure story) Oh, and could you pass me something to eat?
Sam and Daniel joined Teal'c in his feast of airline snacks.
Some time passed. Everyone was a lot happier now, and not minding that they were locked in.
Jack: (again, voice from off in the distance) Hey, Teal'c, bring your snack up to the cockpit and I'll show you how this baby works!
Daniel: I don't think that's a good idea right now, Jack. (looking at Teal'c who was now wearing a floatation vest and attempting to inflate it) Sam's gone somewhere, to the bathroom I think…but I'd kind of like to learn how to fly (hic) a plairplane…ummm…rairplane….um (hic) flying thing!
Jack: You would? OK, let's have a lesson!
Daniel was feeling very dizzy and could have sworn the aisle was tipped to one side as he made his way to the front of the plane.
Daniel: Wow! All these do-hingys, and what nots and stuff! What does this do? (as he abruptly pulled a lever in front of him)
Jack: Daniel, DON'T, what the hell? Are you drunk? Stop pushing buttons, do you hear?
The engines began to whine and turn over and the plane lurched forward.
Daniel: Cool! Did I do that?
Jack: Go back and sit down. Let me think…what exactly did you touch?
Daniel: (again grabbing levers, pushing buttons, wreaking havoc) It was this…no wait, I know…it was this one… HEY! That one's beeping, flashing and it says WARNING! Ha! Funny! Remember (changing his voice) "Warning! Will Robinson!" Hahaha!
Jack: Remind me never to disobey orders, break into an airplane and sit in the cockpit with you drinking nips ever again!!!
Teal'c then appeared in the cockpit, urgency in his voice
Teal'c: O'Neill, I keep forgetting your first name, anyway…where can I find this alien from Species II? She got in the movies!
Jack: WHAT?
Daniel: Is that What as in you can't believe he said that, or What as in you need me to repeat…
Jack: Everyone SHUT UP! Have you all gone crazy? The plane is moving toward the hangar doors and in case you didn't notice, they are closed! If I don't stop it now, we are going to crash through the doors and out onto the runway, and people just might notice we are on board! Now SHUT UP!
Sam then appeared in the cockpit, giggling,
Sam: Sir, you really ought to lighten up a little! And you definitely should watch out for that wall!
As the words left her mouth, the plane made contact with the wall of the hangar and easily tore through the thin metal with a loud screech. Jack finally got the plane to a halt after much damage to the hangar, as well as the plane losing a wing.
Daniel: Look! A way out! (As he stared at the large, gaping hole where the wing used to be attached) Good job Jack!
Jack: Good job JACK? That's it, I resign. I can't work with you any more. Either I don't understand what you're talking about, or you do something completely off the wall!
Teal'c: I will resign as well, O'Neill. Bright lights are calling me! I must go to Hollywood!
Sam: You know, sir, it really isn't our fault. When the authorities come, just blame it all on Gary…after all it was all HIS idea!
Jack: Good plan, Carter. Finally, someone is thinking around here!
© 1998 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.