JACK: Hey! Open the damn door! (banging on the door)
DANIEL: Jack? Is that you? What are YOU doing in a lab?
JACK: Of course it's me! Why the hell are you so surprised? I needed to use a computer for my report. Let me out! (banging on the door again)
DANIEL: I don't know. I thought you never go to the labs. I mean, you-
JACK: (yelling louder now) Daniel, now is not the time to go bonding on me. Let...me...out! The knob fell out in my hands. (banging)
DANIEL: Um, okay. Hang on. Don't break the door down, Jack. (runs off to get help)
JACK: (muttering)If I could break the door down, you think I would be yelling?
CARTER: We're here sir.
JACK: 'bout time!
DANIEL: Teal'c is here too.
TEAL'C: Do you need assistance, O'Neill?
JACK: Yeah...hurry up will you guys? I'm getting hungry.
DANIEL: (fiddles with the knob) Um, we're trying to fix the knob right n...oops.
JACK: Oops?
CARTER: Nothing, sir. Just keep banging on the door.
JACK: WHAT DO YOU MEAN OOPS?
DANIEL: Uhhhhh....
TEAL'C: The door knob fell apart in Captain Carter's hands.
JACK: WHAT!!!!
CARTER: Tattletale.
DANIEL: Now, Jack. Calm down...
JACK: I'm stuck in a smelly lab and you're telling ME to calm down?
CARTER: Smelly?
DANIEL: Uhhh, oh! Yeah! SG-7 brought back something from P5J466 to the labs. They look like little peanuts.
JACK: Oh yeah? Well, they smell like something you would wipe with toilet paper instead.
CARTER: Ewwwww....
DANIEL: That was disgusting, Jack. Must you be so-
JACK: You want disgusting? You should smell it in here.
CARTER: Then why did you go in when it smelled that bad?
JACK: Hey! I didn't smell it until I got in the labs and then the damn door shut behind me in this sweet smelling place.
TEAL'C: I thought O'Neill said it was a bad smell.
DANIEL: Um, well...never mind, Teal'c. Just ignore him like we're doing right now.
JACK: Hey!
DANIEL: Maybe we should undo the hinges.
CARTER: Good idea, wait! The hinges are on the other side.
DANIEL: Nuts.
JACK: I would have used another word, Daniel. (banging on the door again)
DANIEL: Do you mind keeping it down Jack? We're getting distracted here.
JACK: (sarcastic)Well excuse me!
DANIEL: Can we get the knob fixed?
CARTER: It's in pieces. Maybe we could blow the door.
JACK: Oh, that will help. I'll be blown to bits, but hey, at least the door's open!
DANIEL: Is there a vent you can climb out of, Jack?
JACK: Hey! Now there's an idea. Except for one thing...
DANIEL: What?
JACK: The vents are FOUR INCHES tall!
DANIEL: Oh...you can't fit?
JACK: %$%&%#@#@##$!!!!!!!
CARTER: Whoa! Now there's a bunch of words we shouldn't be hearing!
JACK: Just break the goddamn door down!
DANIEL: Easy for you to say...
TEAL'C: Move out of the way...
DANIEL: Huh? (steps aside)
(Teal'c hits the door with his two fists.)
BLAM!
CARTER: Holy hannah!
DANIEL: ...Wow.
JACK: (stunned)Now there's a useful skill...(angry) why the hell didn't you do this before? Why didn't you tell us?
TEAL'C: You didn't ask.
JACK: @#@^$%^&%#@@!!!
© 1998 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.