"What the- Oh great!"
"What is it, Jack?"
"Damn knob fell out of the door!"
"Let me take a look sir."
"Be my guest, Carter."
"Maybe if I put it back in very carefully to catch the- oops!"
"Oops? What do you mean oops?"
"Ah, the knob on the other side has fallen out, sir."
"Oh for crying out loud..."
"It would appears to be we are locked in."
"Yes, Teal'c. I think that about cover it. Hey! Open this damn door!"
"Jack, I don't think banging on the door would help."
"Nor the yelling, either, sir."
"Stupid, lousy freaking-"
"Really Jack, must you be so...um, vocal?"
"Well, I could be violent instead, Daniel."
"Perhaps it would be more beneficial if Colonel O'Neill remains vocal instead, Daniel Jackson."
"I whole-heartedly agree, Teal'c. I- wait! I got it! We could use the intercom phone and call a tech down here!"
"Well, why the hell didn't you say so? Where's the phone?"
"Over here, sir. Who should we call?"
"You could call the president for all I care! Just punch a number!"
"Oookay. Hold on."
"Hold on to what?"
"No, Teal'c. Sam was referring to...never mind."
"Great."
"What? What the hell is wrong now?"
"No one's picking up the phone."
"What? Let me try. Hello? Hello? Hey, someone pick up the goddamn phone!"
"Oh, that was really constructive, Jack. Nothing like yelling into a busy signal to really get something done here."
"Watch it, Daniel or this phone is going up your-"
"Colonel!"
"Alright, alright! I was only joking. You could put the paperweight down Carter."
"O'Neill seems to be favoring violent tendencies again."
"Now don't you start, Teal'c."
"Start what?"
"Sigh, never mind. For crying out loud, shouldn't someone be coming up here for a briefing or somethin'?"
"That was what we were doing, sir."
"No, I mean anyone else. It seems like we're always having meetings."
"It does seem that way, doesn't it Jack?"
"You're telling me. Anyone out there? For crying out loud, we're on a base of hundreds of people and no one hears us?"
"Perhaps we can detach the door, O'Neill."
"Hey, that's a good idea, Jack!"
"Carter, check and see what we've got here."
"Well, let's see what's in these cabinets. Hmm, I see the computer and the desk..."
"Well that's obvious, Carter."
"Ah, pencils."
"Oh goodie, if we can't get out, I could draw a picture when I'm bored."
"What kind of picture?"
"Huh?"
"What would you draw, O'Neill?"
"A nudie, I don't know! I was being sarcastic!"
"I see...O'Neill humor again."
"Yeah, O'Nei- huh? What did you call it?"
"Daniel calls your humor as O'Neill humor-"
"Um...oh look, Jack! Sam found some staplers! Um, isn't that interesting?"
"Giving my humor names now, Danny boy?"
"Um..."
"Wait! Found a screwdriver! We could undo the hinges!"
"Great, Carter. We...ah damn!"
"What? What is it, Jack?"
"Hinges are on the other side of the door. God dammit!"
"We would be unable to undo the hinges."
"No shit. Anything else, Carter?"
"Ah...we got paper, files, paperclips, toilet paper, peanuts, and-"
"Toilet paper?"
"Did you say peanuts, Sam?"
"Sure. Here catch!"
"Thanks, ouch! Missed! Yum, honey roasted."
"Wait, wait. Back up a sec. Carter, did you say...toilet paper?"
"Ah...yeeah."
"Why the hell is there toilet paper in the briefing room?"
"Perhaps for emergencies, O'Neill."
"Oh that makes a lot of sense. Emergency nature calls in the briefing room!"
"Oh yuck."
"Thanks a lot for that...lovely image, Jack."
"You're welcome. Hey! Anyone out there? Let...us...out!"
"No good, Jack. No one's down in the embarkament room or outside."
"Great! Millions of dollars poured into this project and they give me faulty doors."
"I wish they hurry...I need to go."
"Toilet paper is in your hands, Carter. Knock yourself out."
"Gross."
"That's disgusting, Jack. Now I really want out of this room."
"What? What? What I say?"
"Perhaps we can break the door down."
"Good idea, Jack we could all run at the door and-"
"Daniel?"
"What?"
"Knock on the door."
"Ookay. I knocked it. So?"
"What's this door made of?"
"Um...metal."
"Yeah genius! I'm not about to try to break that door down with my body. I'll be breaking my body first before we could get the door open."
"Oops! Heh, heh. Want a peanut, Jack?"
"No, I don't want a god damn peanut!"
"They're really good."
"Oh for crying out loud. Carter, you might as well pick up that paperweight again because I'm going to have to hurt him!"
"Maybe we could use the table, sir."
"To hit Danny? Hey! That's a pretty good idea..."
"Sam! I thought you were on my side!"
"What? No! I mean to break the door down!"
"Now that's an idea."
"Okay, I got this end. Sir, I guess you and Daniel can flip it sideways so it would reach the door. Teal'c, get over to that end."
"Damn this thing is heavy. Got a grip, Daniel?"
"Um...ugh...wait...almost there...no."
"God dammit!"
"Sorry."
"Allow me."
"Whoa!"
"Teal'c, how did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Pick up that table like that all by yourself. Sam, I think you could just let Teal'c handle it."
"Shit, remind me to never tick Teal'c off."
"I have a tick?"
"No, no, what Jack meant...never mind."
"Okay everyone, back away. Teal'c, on the count of three, ram that baby on to the door."
"I do not have a baby. This is the briefing table."
"Never mind that! Hurry up, will ya? I'm getting hungry."
"You could have the peanuts, Jack."
"Oh, like that would sustain me, Daniel."
"They could you know. In the southern regions of-"
"Oh give me the god damn peanuts!"
"Oh great, you spilled them. Wait Jack! Don't...great...peanut butter."
"Argh, you men are impossible! Let me do the count. Teal'c, on the count of three, okay? 1...2..."
"What the hell is going on here?"
"General Hammond! Uh, we were, um...come on guys, help me out here..."
"Um, we were locked in, sir. The colonel had to find a way to get the door open... creatively."
"And that's why the table is flipped sideways and our papers are all over the floor?"
"That is... correct, sir."
"Very well...Wait a minute...where's my peanuts?"
"Oops!"
© 1998 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.