JACK: hey guys.
TYRA: Hi Jack.
DANIEL: Jack, what does DHD stand for?
JACK: Daniel you know that. It’s Dial Home Device.
TYRA: That doesn’t sound very interesting.
SAM: You got a better suggestion?
TYRA: Death Has Died.
NIYA: Nah! Gotta be Dorks Have Dice
JACK: You’re both wrong. Despise Half-witted Daniels.
DANIEL: Hey! No fair! Could it be Don’t Heat Dogs?
SAM: Now you’re just being ridiculous. Daniel Has a Dark twisted mind.
NIYA: That’s DHDTM! Stick with the subject! Dozy Horses Drink Dangerous Healing Drinks
TYRA: Good one Niya.
DANIEL: (Quietly to Tyra.) Do you think you could think of one that has a J in it so I can get my own back on Jack?
TYRA: I’ll try.
DANIEL: Thanks.
JACK: Drink Has Dried.
SAM: I’ll go get more sir.
DANIEL: Don’t Hurry Dangerously
SAM: Danke Harmless Daniel.
TYRA: Enough already! I don’t think I can’t stand much more of this.
NIYA: Just cos you can’t think of another one!
TYRA: Not true!
NIYA: Is too!
TYRA: Is not!
NIYA: Oh yeah? Go on then!
TYRA: I gave you Death Has Died. Isn’t that enough? Or would you prefer me to give you Daniel Has Died… again. For the 7th time?
SAM: What do you mean?
TYRA: Look at him. (They all look on the sofa where Daniel has fallen fast asleep.)
NIYA: Daniel Has Dozed. Should we wake him?
JACK: Don’t. He’s Daniel. He’ll be grumpy.
NIYA: Nice!!!!
JACK: thanks. I thought so.
SAM: May Anger Little Person.
TYRA: Huh?
JACK: MALP
TYRA: Oh.
NIYA: Many Aliens Lie Precariously
SAM: May I Add Lie Paralysed.
TYRA: Must Act Little Petite
Pois.
JACK: Petite Pois?
TYRA: French for Peas.
SAM: So why not just say Peas?
TYRA: More fun to use French.
NIYA: In that case…. Muss Auch Ich Liebe Pearse?
TYRA: I never did German.
DANIEL: It means Must I Also Love Pearse?
TYRA: Thanks for that Niya!
NIYA: No Probs.
SAM: Thought you were asleep.
DANIEL: Looks Can Be Deceptive.
NIYA: That doesn’t stand for anything.
DANIEL: Yes it does. LCBD stands for Looks Can Be Deceptive.
TYRA: You just made that up!
NIYA: Maybe. Ah! I Live Perilously.
SAM: why do we keep getting I? There is no “I” in MALP!
TYRA: She has a point.
NIYA: Who cares?
SAM: I do. We should be sticking to the rules.
TYRA: There are rules to this game?
SAM: Of course. Oh. I guess we forgot to mention them when beginning.
JACK: Right.
NIYA: Maybe Aliens Like Peanuts.
TYRA: Maybe Aliens Live Precariously.
NIYA: I said that earlier!
TYRA: No you didn’t you said “Lie” I’ve said “Live” BIG difference there.
NIYA: You still stole my sentence! You are sooooo bad at this game!
TYRA: I didn’t steal it I adapted it! So Go Crazy!
NIYA: SGC!!!! Steal General’s Cereal!
SAM: Sever General’s Coccyx.
NIYA: Sam! Go Carefully! Some Guys Chew Several Gallons of Cement!
JACK: And Some Guys Coffee addictions are just too much for others.
TYRA: Mainly meaning Daniel’s Coffee addictions!
DANIEL: Shut Gob Colonel!
SAM: Manners Daniel!
DANIEL: Don’t Care!
TEAL’C: Sam Getting Cross.
TYRA: Finally the big boy joins in!
JACK: Daniel’s Coffee Intakes.
NIYA: Don’t Cheat – Ingenious!
JACK: Daniel’s a Hypocritical Deadman!
TYRA: Oh no. not back to DHD!
JACK: sorry.
DANIEL: You will be!
JACK: Try and do anything against me Space Monkey!
DANIEL: OK. Some are Genetically Corrupt, Stupid Girlie Colonel!
TYRA: Some Goa’uld are Crabby!
JACK: (Quietly to Tyra) Thanks for the rescue.
TYRA: Anytime.
DANIEL: So? Game Continues Silly General Conversation.
TYRA: Course. Omnipotent one.
NIYA: Cancel Orders. Certain Odours Cause Offence
TYRA: Carry On.
SAM: Clever Omniscient Can Overpower Colonel O’Neill
JACK: Colonel O’Neill Certainly Overrides Colonel’s Orders!
DANIEL: Colonel O’Neill Causes Offence Carefully On Certain Other Colonel’s Orders.
TYRA: Call Other Colonels. Overpower Colonel O’Neill. Crazy One-minded Conversation Often Causes Obliteration.
NIYA: Clever. One Could Offer Certain Opportunities, Carefully Opening Certain Orifices. That Is Clever!
TYRA: Thought Is Essential!
TEAL’C: T I E? This is not a reference I am familiar with.
TYRA: Theatre in Education. Tyra Is Educated!
DANIEL: This Is Easy! Tyra Involves Elephants That Invite Eagles.
TYRA: And I haven’t insulted you once!
DANIEL: Daniel Has Died?
TYRA: You heard that one?
DANIEL: Yes.
TYRA: That Is Eavesdropping!
JACK: Nice touch there.
TYRA: Thanks. I Enjoyed That In all Events.
TEAL’C: That Is Everything?
JACK: With Tyra and Niya now in battle? It could go on all night.
TYRA: Could One Continuously Offend? Possibly, with practice. May You Overcome Bulls, and Might Incur Sickness. Nosy Inebriated Demons Fall Backwards Instantly and Can Incinerate Aliens.
DANIEL: Nice one Tyra!
JACK: I think that was a bit OTT.
NIYA: Out of Time Tyra. Aliens Invite Death Suddenly On Tricky Tyras! Often Throwing Tyra Out The Tree!
TYRA: Can Anyone Yank Goo Out The Table?
SAM: CAYG?
TYRA: Clear As You Go.
JACK: Ah.
NIYA: Goo? Could Apophis Yield Gold? Of course you can get goo out of the table! Watch. (Goes over to table and pulls putty off it) See?!
TYRA: Clevercloggs. Only, Can Surely Incur Family Bacterial Incidents.
NIYA: Attack Tyra Pearse.
TYRA: Might Incur Blindness.
NIYA: Annoying Daniel Pleases.
TEAL’C: A T P? M I B? A D P?
TYRA: M I B – Men In Black. Great film about Aliens.
NIYA: A T P - Adenosine Triphosphate. A D P – Adenosine Diphosphate.
SAM: Triphosphate and Diphosphate are one words though. You can’t use that. Sorry, but Tyra Wins the battle of the Brains.
NIYA: No. As a scientist I expected you to know about ATP. The abbreviation of Adenosine Triphosphate, the body’s energy source, is ATP. I really thoght you’d know that!
TYRA: Carry On. Teal’c Is Crazy.
TEAL’C: That Is Critical Tyra , Insanity is Contagious.
TYRA: Moving On Daniel.
DANIEL: Huh? You called?
NIYA: Pay Attention Dumbo!
TYRA: Visual Disturbances Undermine Colonel’s Orders.
NIYA: Vocal Corrections Resound
TYRA: Don’t Violate Damsels In Distress!
JACK: Colonel O’Neill Is Distressed!
DANIEL: You’re not a damsel! Please Humour Daniel.
JACK: So that’s what Ph. D stands for!
SAM: No. It’s Potentially Harmful Daniels!
DANIEL: I’ve had it up to HERE with insults!
TYRA: It’s just a game Space Monkey!
NIYA: Don’t Sweat Space Monkey! Colonel Offers Caring Opinion. Nice, Attractive Daniel.
TYRA: Emergency Masculine Hormones.
NIYA: Where did you get that from?
TYRA: EMH – Emergency Medical Hologram – Star Trek Voyager.
JACK: Ah of course.
NIYA: Nasty Animals Savage Aliens
TYRA: Dak being that Nasty Animal! So, Anyway! Aliens Supply Atrocious Penicillin.
NIYA: And Some Attack Pearse
TYRA: Right. That’s IT! Niya Always Slips in Animal muck! And won’t live to tell the tale if she does again cause I will make sure she is suffocated!
NIYA: Ah! Some Atrocious Problems. Obviously Tyra Tires Of This Trivia. (Tyra then stands up and heads for the door.)
DANIEL: Where are you going?
TYRA: HOME! I’ve had enough! (And she storms out.)
NIYA: Oooooo Tyra’s Tantrums Overwhelms The Tequila That I Consumed.
TYRA: I heard that! You Blubbering Baboon of a Colonel! Investigate That Vehicle parked outside you’re house that looks like it’s about to blow up!
(Just as they are all about to shrug Tyra’s comment off a huge bang is heard. They all jump up and see a Vehicle on fire.)
DANIEL: THAT’S MY CAR!
Thanks to Ameoba for Beta Testing this fan-fic
December 26, 2004 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.