• SPOILERS Upgrades, Legacy - both minor!
• SUMMARY An all too close encounter with an artefact leaves Daniel and Sam body-swapped
• RATING PG13 [Hc][S][A]

Jack O’Neill settled himself down on the ground with his back against a tree and prepared himself for a long wait. It was a warm sunny day, and a gentle breeze was blowing across the hills of PX96-235.

SG-1 had been on the planet for about ten minutes before Daniel had spotted the temple on the hillside. It was the only sign of life on an otherwise deserted planet. The team had marched for about 3 hours to reach it, with Daniel muttering all the way to himself about what culture it fitted into. As far as Jack could tell from the constant murmurs, it was a mixture of several, but he didn’t really care enough to listen to the details.

When they finally arrived, they had found the place deserted and in a dilapidated state, but dominated by a large square artefact in the middle of the central hall. On seeing this, Sam had also become excited, as she thought she had a vague sense of naquadah being somewhere near it or in it, but she really wasn’t sure. The two scientists had immediately started to study the device, with Daniel kneeling down translating the inscriptions and Sam trying to make sense of what he was telling her.

“Tell you what, I’ll go outside and keep watch, shall I?” said Jack, slightly irritated that this was already looking like he and Teal’c were going to have a long, boring wait.

“…Huh? Yeah, if you…think it’s necessary…” murmured Daniel without looking up.

“Don’t either of you touch that thing unless you’re sure it’s safe. That’s an order!” Jack glared at the pair of them.

 “Sir? What?” Carter stopped examining the device to stare up at her CO.

“Carter, don’t either of you touch ANYTHING until you’re sure you know what it is. Understand?”

“Ok Sir. Don’t worry”. Carter went back to her study. 

‘Don’t worry, that’s great,’ thought Jack, as he walked outside. Teal’c stood on the steps outside the temple, scanning the countryside around them.

“O’Neill. This planet would appear to be unoccupied.”

“Yeah, but I still think we should keep watch – someone built this thing.” The two of them settled down in companionable silence.

After about an hour, Jack was feeling a little sleepy. The warmth of the day was getting to him, despite the fact that he was in the shade of the tree. He got up to stretch his legs and check on progress when he heard it.

Woomph!

Something in the temple had made a sound a lot like a firework

 As one, Jack and Teal’c ran into the temple. A strong sense of foreboding washing over him, Jack found exactly what he was expecting to find - Sam and Daniel lying unconscious on the floor either side of a smoking mass where the device had been.

*

Just over three hours later, the Stargate activated back in the SGC.  The technician on duty waited for a GDO signal.

“It’s SG-1, Sir.”  General Hammond was concerned. He had received word from SG-1 that they had found a temple, and so he wasn’t expecting to hear from them quite so soon. That could only mean trouble. He walked at a brisk pace into the gateroom, as Jack and Teal’c marched down the ramp, each carrying the recumbent form of a teammate.

“Medics!” yelled Jack, as he put Sam down onto the ramp.

“What happened Colonel?” Hammond asked.

“Dunno Sir – they were inside, we were keeping watch. Dammit, I TOLD them not to touch anything!”  Jack had that air of frustration that was all too familiar, as he watched the two of them wheeled away on gurneys. “Permission to go with them Sir?”

“Of course, Colonel – we’ll debrief later”. Hammond watched SG-1 disappearing with resigned concern. His premier team came back in this state far too often – or parts of it did anyway. Dr Fraiser was seriously thinking of allocating a bed in the infirmary exclusively to Dr Jackson; he was in there so often.

*

Janet Fraiser was checking Daniel over. He and Sam were still unresponsive, an hour after they had been brought into the infirmary. She busied herself checking monitors and vital signs. She looked at Jack and Teal’c and gave a small shake of her head, so slight as to be almost non-existant.

 “Any ideas what’s wrong with them, yet , Doc?”  Jack was scowling.

“I’m afraid not. As far as everything goes, there would appear to be nothing wrong with either of them. There’s only minor burn marks on their faces, no other sign of trauma anywhere else on their bodies, their vital signs are normal, nothing unusual in their bloods – in short, they’re just out cold. Can either of you throw any  further light on what happened?”

“Nah. We were outside keeping watch for unfriendly natives. The thing they were looking at blew up, apparently. Dammit! I TOLD them not to touch anything.” 

Teal’c nodded in agreement with Jack’s statement.

“Colonel O’Neill is correct, Dr Fraiser. We did not see what led to the device’s destruction.”

“It was Daniel, it would have had to have been Daniel who touched it, I gave Carter an order. She…” A low moan interrupted Jack’s monologue. Daniel was coming round. “Doc…”

“Ok Dr Jackson, do you know where you are?” Janet was shining her penlight into his eyes. Daniel blinked and tried to focus.

“What happened?” He struggled to sit up.

“Easy, we don’t know yet. We were hoping you could tell us.” At that moment, Sam groaned. Janet moved over to her bedside. “Ok Sam, do you know where you are?” She performed the same checks on the Major.

“What… happened?” Sam rubbed her eyes.

“We don’t know, Sam. All we know is that you and Dr Jackson were brought back unconscious following the destruction of a device you were examining. Can you remember anything?”

Sam looked confused. “Sam…?”  Jack and Janet exchanged a worried look.

“Yes, you’re Major Samantha Carter. What do you remember?” Janet smiled at her. Sam looked confused and shook her head.

“No, no, I’m Daniel…Daniel Jackson” She replied.

“Yes,” said Daniel. “I’m Samantha Carter”.

There was a stunned silence. Then Jack snorted.

“If you think you’re Sam,” he said to Daniel, “you’d better look at that bed over there”. At that moment, the two occupants of the beds looked at each other for the first time. A look of absolute shock and horror was mirrored on their faces.

“Oh my God…” they said in unison. 

*

One hour later, Janet walked into the briefing room, to be met with two concerned faces and one quizzical expression. It wasn’t that Teal’c was any less worried than General Hammond or Jack, it was just that he never showed it, Janet reminded herself. She placed her notes on the table and sat down.

“I’ve completed my examinations of them both, and from what they’re telling me, and from their brainwave patterns, they’ve been body-swapped. Sam’s mind is in Daniel’s body, and vice versa. I’ve taken further blood-work, and, from the results it looks like we’re in for a rocky ride.”

“What do you mean?” Jack’s concern lead to him appearing almost aggressive.

“Their hormone levels are elevated to a point normally only seen during puberty, so we can expect all the side-effects associated with that.”

“Such as?” Jack was being deliberately dense.

“Such as skin problems, mood swings, appetite variations, both up and down, changes of libido…” Jack raised one eyebrow at this, “…plus any number of rarer but possible complications for Daniel, such as nausea, dizziness or fainting.”

“Are we talking Daniel’s body or Daniel’s mind?”

“Daniel’s mind, Sam’s body.”

“How are they taking it, Doctor?” Hammond’s voice was calm.

“Well, General, they’re both still in shock. I don’t think their situation has sunk in properly yet.”

“So how do we put them back the right way round?” Jack’s exasperation was clear in his voice.

The blank looks he received in response to his question were not encouraging. Not encouraging at all.

*

In the infirmary, Daniel and Sam sat in silence. Sam stared across at Daniel, where he sat, with his arms wrapped round his chest, like he always did when he was troubled, except that they weren’t his arms, and it wasn’t his chest. Both were hers. The way he kept adjusting the position of his arms, it was obvious that he wasn’t getting any comfort from this posture. Perhaps it was something to do with the fact that the chest that his arms were wrapped round wasn’t the right shape – being female.

“Hey, how are you doing?” she asked, only to be taken aback by the sound of her voice, because it wasn’t her voice, it was Daniel’s voice, only different. So this is how he sounds to himself, she thought.

“Kay, I guess. What about you?” God, is that what I sound like? Sam thought to herself. I thought my voice was deeper than that.

“It feels odd. I feel like me, but I can see you… me… sat over there, and although I hear my own voice in my mind – when I speak, I hear your voice, only it’s not quite how I hear your voice…if you know what I mean”.

Daniel gave her a rueful grin. “Oddly, I know exactly what you mean.” She smiled back, only that didn’t feel right either.

 “Sam, I’ve been thinking. This is exactly like when Ma’chello did that body swap – do you think his machine could put us back the right way round?”

“That’s it Daniel! It’s in storage at Area 51 – we’ll get them to send it back over here and we’ll swap back, no problem. That’s brilliant – why didn’t I think of that?” She jumped up to start getting things moving, and landed in a heap on the floor. Her legs weren’t working properly.

“Sam, are you ok?” Daniel got off his bed, more slowly, and helped her up.

“Your legs are longer than I expected. I thought the floor would be further away – I misjudged the distance.” She started to move, carefully, towards the door. “Do you know, walking is surprisingly difficult when you can’t see properly. I guess I must still be a little groggy”

“No – you just need my glasses” Daniel held them out to her. Sam took them and put them on. It felt both right and wrong at the same time, but at least the world was back in focus. She gave him a grin, and set off in search of someone.

Daniel followed on behind. This is really strange, he thought. I can see myself in front, but I feel like I’m here, until I try to move. This body doesn’t want to move the way I feel it ought to. He rubbed his face with his hand, and then stopped and looked at his hand. It looked strange, small, and it smelt odd, must be the soap Sam used, sort of floral. There was a small cut on the side of one finger. He remembered Sam getting a paper cut yesterday – was it only yesterday that everything was normal? In fact, he and Sam had only been aware that things weren’t right for a couple of hours, but it seemed like forever. Even the slightest movement felt strange, hell, he didn’t even smell right to himself. The sooner that machine was shipped to the SGC the better. He hurried to catch up with Sam, and Janet met the two of them at the door to the infirmary.

“Hey! Where do you two think you’re going?”

“Janet, we’ve got to talk to General Hammond. We need to get the body swap machine sent here straight away, then we can go back to normal!” Sam’s expression was the same as it usually was when she was excited about something, but somehow it didn’t fit on Daniel’s face, Janet thought.

“OK. You can use the phone in my office. Just let me check the latest blood test results. I need to be sure that there’s nothing physically wrong. The last time this happened, Daniel nearly died, remember?”

“Can’t really forget” mumbled Daniel.

“But that was just because he was swapped with a dying man,” began Sam.

“That’s what we assumed at the time. It may not actually be the case. Besides, neither of you is dressed. Hospital gowns are all very well in here, but I’m not sure that they’re appropriate for the rest of the SGC”. Daniel looked down at himself, and did a double take. He’d expected to see his own body, not Sam’s and it didn’t look right.

“I guess I could do with a shower….” He began. Sam stared at him aghast.

“Do you feel comfortable with that idea?”

“What idea?” He gave one his best ‘I’m confused’ looks.

“Washing someone else’s body?”

“Oh…yeah…it hadn’t really occurred to me – it’s just the first thing I do whenever I get released from here – shower and get changed” Daniel gave Sam a small smile. “Do you mind?”

“I guess not, as I’d quite like a shower myself. Come to think of it, I stink – or rather – YOU stink and I’m stuck with smelling you!” Sam responded in an aggressive tone. The two of them glared at each other.

Jack sauntered in, hands in his pockets. “Well I hate to break up this happy party, but General Hammond would like to see you two, if they’re allowed out of the infirmary…?” He glanced across at Janet. She picked up a clipboard and flicked through the pages on it.

“Looking at the latest set of test results, there’s no reason to keep them in, as long as someone keeps them both on close watch.”

“Sir, can we shower first?” Sam looked at her CO imploringly. He stared back at her.

“OK, but are you going to use male or female locker room time?”

“What?”

“Well, I don’t mind sharing with Daniel, but he’s wearing your skin at the moment, and I’m not sure you’d want me seeing you in the buff when you’re not around…”

“It never occurred to me…” Sam blushed.

“How about if we allot a special time just for Daniel and Sam…?” suggested Janet.

“I’m not sure that’s…I mean…. I might…seeing her…. um…” Daniel tailed off as Jack looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

“If you’re worried about the fact that you might see each other naked, I don’t know what you’re worrying about – all you have to do is look in the mirror!”

“I know that, it’s just the… sharing bit” It was Daniel’s turn to blush, now.

“So don’t look!”

“Actually Daniel, I wouldn’t mind too much – you...I…this face needs a shave, and I don’t have the first idea where to start!” Sam smiled sheepishly at Daniel.

He stared back at her, and then blushed again. “I’ll guess we’ll manage somehow.” 

The two of them glanced at Janet, who nodded, and then they headed off towards the showers.

*

Standing awkwardly in the locker room, Daniel went to open his locker.

“Daniel,”

“What?”

“You need to use my locker.” Sam spoke gently, sounding tired. “The clothes in that one won’t fit you.”

Daniel gave a small laugh. “They don’t fit me at the best of times, falling between sizes as I do.” He sat down on the bench. “Sam, how did we end up like this?”

“I don’t remember. Can you remember anything of what was inscribed on the device?” Sam sat next to him.

“Not really. It seemed to be a dialect of Goa’uld that I hadn’t come across before. I think I was going to call Teal’c when something happened…” He stopped as Sam made a strange noise. He looked at her, and was shocked to find that she had tears running down her cheeks.  Except that they were his cheeks. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I don’t know – I just feel very strange, very tearful. Almost hormonal” Sam gave him a small smile, and wiped her face with the back of her hand.

“Hormonal?”

“Yes, you know, like PMS.”

“PMS…?” Daniel looked puzzled and then a horrified look crept across his face. “PMS! I’m not going to have to cope with…you know…am I?”

“No. I just said I feel like I’ve got PMS, you know - wayward emotions that creep up on you and you can’t really control.”

“I can’t say that I do know. It’s not something that Sha’re ever had a problem with...” He went quiet.

Sam took a deep breath and stood up. “Anyway, Daniel, General Hammond has requested the pleasure of our company, just as soon as we’re showered and dressed. Are you going to help me shave this face of yours?”

 She walked over to the mirror and stared at her face. Daniel staring back at her made her feel odd. It was like that time when she’d used the alien device to look like him to regain control of the SGC, only this time it was very different. That time it had been an illusion, so her face still felt like hers. This time, the face felt wrong, as the muscles wanted to hold expressions that she didn’t normally use. She gave a small start as her own face appeared at her shoulder. Daniel had retrieved a razor and shaving foam from his locker.

“Uh…um…you ready?” He asked.

“I guess so. Where do we start?”

“Hot water, and put this on your face.” He held out the shaving foam. The two of them sat in silence as Sam applied the lather to her face and then Daniel took up the razor and tried to shave.

“Ow!” She yelled. He’d nicked her.

“I’m sorry – it’s hard to shave someone else. You try.” He said in frustration.

 Sam picked up the razor.  ‘It’ll be like shaving my legs, only bumpier,’ she thought to herself.

“OW!” She’d nicked herself this time. “Ever though of growing a beard, because now would be a great time to start.” she grumbled.

“Hang on”, said Daniel “I’ve got an idea. Sit there.”

He placed a stool in front of the mirror, and Sam sat on it. He then stood behind her, and started to shave while looking in the mirror. They worked in companionable silence, with Daniel occasionally asking Sam to pull certain faces to achieve the correct tension in the facial muscles. Eventually the job was done, with no further injury, although it had taken a lot longer than it normally did.

They then showered and dressed in an embarrassed silence, using the showers at different times so that they were never actually both in the same area of the locker room when one of them was naked. Sam was just helping Daniel to dry her hair the way she liked it when there was a knock on the door.

“Hello? You ready? Whatcha doin’ in there?” Jack was banging on the door. The two of them smiled at each other.

“I guess what little privacy we had is gone,” said Daniel, as they opened the door.

“What have you two been up to – you’ve been AGES!” said Jack, standing right in the doorway. “General Hammond wants to see you to debrief, an hour ago”.

*

Half an hour later, General Hammond put down the phone and looked up at the faces grouped around him.

“They’re loading the machine onto the plane as we speak.” He paused and Sam picked up on something immediately.

“There’s a but, isn’t there Sir?”

“Yes there is, Dr Jac…sorry, Major. You’ll have to bear with me, I haven’t gotten used to this yet. There’s a major storm closing in over the whole area, and if they don’t get the plane into the air within the next 20 minutes, God alone knows when it’ll be able to take off.” He looked at Daniel and Sam. “I know this must be frustrating for you both, but you’ll just have to be as patient as you can”. They nodded, almost in unison. “Now if you don’t mind, I have other work to do.”

SG-1 left the general’s office, and stood around looking lost.

“Lunch, anyone?” suggested Jack.

“Not really hungry,” mumbled Daniel.

“Me neither.” said Sam.

“I will join you O’Neill,” volunteered Teal’c in a cheerful fashion, “Perhaps Major Carter and Daniel Jackson would like to join us for the company?” The two of them looked at him, then at each other.

Then Daniel shrugged. “Perhaps I could manage a coffee…”

“Me too.” said Sam.

The four of them ambled off to the commissary, Sam and Daniel lagging behind the others by ten feet or so.

“Daniel, are you going to be drinking as much coffee as you normally do?”

“Yes, why?” He was instantly on the defensive, his tone aggressive.

“That’s my body you’re filling up with caffeine – I’m not used to it you know!” She yelled, glaring at him. Daniel glared back.

“Aren’t we a little picky?” His response dripped with sarcasm.

“HEY! For crying out loud, will you two cut it out!” Jack stepped into the fray. The two of them were stood in the corridor, glaring at each other like a pair of angry toddlers.

 Daniel opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I guess I’m feeling a little frustrated about the whole situation” He grinned a little sheepishly at Sam.

“Me too. Friends?” She asked.

“Friends.” They smiled at each other, a little embarrassed.

Jack beamed. “Right, now that’s all sorted out let’s go for something to eat”.  He said. The three of them turned to follow Teal’c when General Hammond appeared behind them.

“Major Carter, Dr Jackson, could I have a word?”

“Sir, what is it?” Hammond hadn’t got used to Sam’s manner of speech coming out of Dr Jackson’s mouth.

“I’ve just had word from area 51 – the storm came in earlier and more severely then they thought. I’m sorry, but the plane is grounded for the foreseeable future”.

*

Jack knocked on the open door of Daniel’s office. “Can I interrupt?”

Daniel and Sam were sitting inside, in silence. Both of them looked truly miserable. Jack wasn’t surprised that the two of them were together again, in fact, as since this had happened, they’d rarely been apart. The twice-daily briefing meetings had become a nightmare, as no one ever had any progress to report. The last one had turned into a moaning session for both Daniel and Sam about nothing in particular, with nobody else able to get a word in edgeways.

“Might as well Jack, we’re out of ideas.” Daniel looked into his empty coffee cup, and got up to refill it yet again. Sam glared at him from behind Daniel’s glasses. Two days had now passed, and she still wasn’t used to wearing them. She was feeling more and more irritable all the time, and the fact that she hadn’t mastered the art of shaving meant that her face was now really sore from where she’d cut herself repeatedly.

Daniel didn’t look much happier. He kept fiddling with his bra strap. He’d gone without one for about 10 minutes on the first morning until he’d encountered a group of Airmen coming the opposite way down a corridor, and realized that perhaps it was necessary after all. Never a good sleeper, he’d had even more difficulties after finding that lying flat on his stomach felt odd, mainly because of the shape of his chest.

Both had felt distinctly odd taking a shower. Somehow, even running your hands over a body that wasn’t yours for something as functional as washing made each of them feel uncomfortable. Jack’s suggestion that they wash each other didn’t help one bit, even though he had been obviously pleased with the idea when he’d told Daniel.

Daniel hadn’t mentioned one of Jack’s baser suggestions to Sam. He had pointed out that Daniel and Sam now had the unique opportunity of discovering what sex felt like for the opposite sex, and that they should try it out ‘for research purposes’.  Daniel had pointed out to Jack that perhaps this was why Sam had said she was glad it was Daniel in her body, and not the Colonel.

“Doc wants to see you now.” One of them grunted in response, Jack wasn’t sure whom. It was odd, he thought, how the distinctions between the two of them were disappearing, and the similarities becoming stronger and more obvious. He’d even forgotten whose mannerisms were whose, and to be honest, they were mirroring each other all the time, right down to the horrible cranky mood that seemed to have descended on them both since the delay on the arrival of Ma’chello’s device had grown longer and longer. He and Teal’c were leaving them alone together more and more, as they seemed to prefer that, although whenever you saw the two of them together they seemed to be snapping at each other.  Neither had moved, and Jack’s patience was starting to wear a bit thin. “Did you hear me? I said infirmary – now!”

“Alright! We heard you!” Daniel’s response took Jack by surprise. Although he’d got used to the idea that Daniel now looked like Sam, and Sam looked like Daniel, he still forgot which one was which if they hadn’t spoken for a while. To hear ‘Jack’ coming from Sam’s mouth, and ‘Sir’ out of Daniel’s still struck him as strange. Hopefully, the storm would pass and they wouldn’t have time to get used to it.

“I’m sorry, is something bugging you Daniel?”

Daniel shook his head in frustration. “Oh no Jack, everything’s great.”

Boy is he good at sarcasm these days, thought Jack. He must be spending too much time listening to me.

“ Sam and I are stuck in each other’s bodies and the lousy weather on this godforsaken planet is making sure that we’re like this for…for…uh…I…” Daniel’s eyes rolled up into his head and he slumped down in the chair.

“Daniel…” Sam leapt to her feet and staggered. “Whoa, I don’t feel…too…” and she too fell to the floor in a heap.

Jack was at the phone in an instant.

“Medical emergency, Dr Jackson’s office”. Here we go again, he thought.

***************

Janet turned round from examining Sam for the umpteenth time, and almost collided with Jack, who was stood right behind her.

“Colonel! There’s no need to wait around. I’ll let you know as soon as there is any news.” She smiled at him.

“It’s alright, I’m staying.” He folded his arms to reinforce his statement.

 Janet sighed and shook her head. “OK, but you stay right out of my way, or else I’ll have you forcibly removed.” She nodded to one of the nurses, who brought Jack’s usual chair.

Jack took it, and after watching Janet head to her office, placed it between the two occupied beds. He was just setting himself down when Teal’c appeared.

“Colonel O’Neill. I was just informed of the situation. How are Daniel Jackson and Major Carter?”

“Still out cold. Doc’s taken every sample known to man to find out what is going on, but she….” Jack broke off as Janet came rushing back, shortly followed by a nurse carrying a tray with two IV bags and four syringes on. “And…?” Jack stood up.

“I’ve just had the results of their latest blood tests…” she muttered.

“And…?” He repeated.

“And the problem would appear to be a hormonal change, Colonel.”

“Hormonal change?”

“It would seem that something has happened to their body chemistry, probably as a result of putting a male mind in a female body, and vice versa.” Jack cocked an eyebrow at her. “Basically, Sam’s body has abnormally high levels of testosterone, and Daniel’s of both oestrogen and progesterone. It’s confusing the earlier elevated hormonal levels that mimicked puberty, so it’s hardly surprising they feel unwell. They passed out because they’re hypoglycaemic. I doubt either of them has eaten recently, so their blood sugar levels are almost zero.”

“And how do we fix this?”

“First we get glucose drips up and running, then we get them to eat something. As for the hormone irregularities - we just have to hope that machine gets here as soon as possible. I can give them some treatments to try and redress the hormonal balance in their bodies, but it’s not going to cure the problem, just make them feel a little better in the meantime.”  Janet busied herself attaching the bags to the IV shunts, then injecting the various hormones into her patients. “Hopefully they’ll come round after these start to work. Make yourselves at home, gentlemen,” and so saying, she left Jack and Teal’c to resume their bedside vigil.

*

About an hour later, Daniel came round.

“Wha…happened?”

“You passed out.” Jack moved nearer to the bed. Daniel looked at his hands, and ran them over his chest.

“Still in Sam’s body then. I was kind of hoping it had all been a bad dream. Where’s Sam?”

“Next bed – still in the land of nod.” Jack leaned forward. “Feeling any better?”

“A little. My headache’s eased a bit. I still feel a bit sick, though.”

“Doc said you might feel better. She’s pumped you full of hormones. Apparently your minds are playing havoc with each other’s bodies, or something.  Are you ok?” Daniel screwed his face up and swallowed hard a couple of times.

“I’m…gonna…be…” He threw up all over the bed, and Jack’s left shoe.

“Oh crap! DOC!” Janet came back at a run, followed by two orderlies.

“I see the hormones are working then,” she said.

“I’m sorry?” Jack did not see how throwing up could possibly be a good sign.

“It’s quite a normal side effect of hormonal treatments, particularly where female hormones are concerned.”

“Huh?” Jack looked confused.

“Think pregnancy Colonel. Morning sickness is caused by a surfeit of female hormones.”

“Oh, good, I think.” Jack leapt back out of the way as Daniel threw up a second time. “I’m outta here, until he’s done with that. If Carter wakes up, and isn’t barfing, call me; otherwise tell her I’ll see her later. You coming Teal’c?”

“I will O’Neill. I do not believe that I can be of assistance to Doctor Fraiser at the current time.” Teal’c bowed and followed Jack out of the infirmary, leaving Janet and her team to clear up the mess.

*

Later that evening, Jack was back in the infirmary. He hadn’t received word that his team members had stopped vomiting, but he couldn’t stay away any longer. He found Daniel awake and reading, a bowl at his bedside. Sam was asleep. Jack stopped at what he judged to be a safe distance from Daniel’s bedside. “You alright?” 

Daniel looked up from his book. A lock of Sam’s hair fell over his eyes, and he brushed it away. “I guess so.”

“Stopped barfing yet?”

“I haven’t been sick for a while. Still feel nauseous though. Janet says it’s just a side effect of the hormonal treatment. Is there any news on the weather?”

Jack shook his head. The look of disappointment that flashed across Sam’s features was brief, but unmistakably something from Daniel’s repertoire of expressions.

“Doc says that once you’ve stopped throwing up she’ll let you out of here. That’s good news...isn’t it?” He tailed off as Daniel scowled at him.

“Jack, right now the only good news I can think of is that plane landing with that machine in it as soon as possible. But I’m not convinced that it’s going to work anyway.”

“What do you mean, not going to work?”

“Well, I’m fairly certain that the device that did this to us wasn’t one of Ma’chello’s. That means that it might not work in the same way, and consequently, the one we’ve got might not put us back. I haven’t told Sam yet…”

“Told me what?” Sam had woken up.

“Daniel thinks that even if we can get this machine here, it might not put you two back the right way round.” Jack stared as Sam shrugged in response to Daniel’s theory. ‘Boy are these guys getting resigned to this, wish I felt that calm about it’ He thought. “What do you think that machine was in that temple for anyway?” he said, changing the subject.

Daniel frowned. “Well, I’ve been, thinking about what I read, and the only sentence that made any kind of sense to me said something about ‘the solution is in your opposite’. I’m not sure what that means.”

“Which one of you two touched it?” Jack was sure he knew what the answer was. “I gave you an order not to touch it, remember.”

“Neither of us, Sir.” Daniel nodded to confirm what Sam had just said.

“Sorry? Somebody must have touched it. Carter, Daniel touched it, didn’t he?”

“No Sir. We think…we think that it was activated by some kind of proximity reader, or …something…” Sam tailed off and winced slightly.

 Jack felt that two pairs of blue eyes staring at him was a little much. Was it his imagination, or had Sam’s eyes got bluer since Daniel had taken possession of her body? “Proximity reader? What are you two on about?”

“Basically Sir, Daniel was knelt down reading the inscriptions on one side of the machine, and I was round the other side, and as I was walking round I stepped into a mark on the floor…”

“Mark? What mark?”

“There were all sorts of markings engraved on the floor, Jack. We didn’t think they were anything other than decorative at the time, but…” Daniel tailed off.

“Don’t tell me – you were in another one of these ‘marks’ when Carter stepped into hers?”

“I’m not sure, but quite possibly, yes”

“So now you don’t even have to touch things to cause…this? For crying out loud!” Jack rubbed his forehead in frustration. “You know something Daniel, your ability to…to…you know…it’s just starting to annoy me a little! And now….”

“And now…?” Daniel was looking hurt and insulted, but Jack continued regardless.

“And now you’ve got Carter at it too!”

“Sir…”

“Jack…”

Jack turned and strode towards the door of the infirmary. “If you’ve got anything else you’d like to share, don’t bother!” He yelled over his shoulder as he left. He knew he was being unreasonable, but just at this precise moment he didn’t feel very reasonable. What if they couldn’t get back the right way round? The thought of his best friend now being physically female made him feel distinctly uncomfortable; and having to tell Jacob that his daughter was now in a man’s body, and that her body now belonged to that man would be unbearable; never mind the fact that they had both been horrible to know ever since it had happened…no, they had to get back to normal. They HAD to.

 A stunned silence followed Jack’s exit. Sam swallowed before she asked what was on her mind.  “Daniel, were you serious when you said you didn’t think Ma’chello’s machine would put us back?”

He looked down at his hands and nodded. “The way I remember that device, it doesn’t fit right. It didn’t look anything like ANY of his inventions.”

“…And we can’t use the device itself because it’s destroyed.” Sam looked down at the bed. “Daniel, what if it doesn’t work? What if we’re stuck like this forever?”

He closed his eyes. “I don’t know, Sam. I don’t want to believe that it could happen, but I have to be realistic.” He blinked back the tears. “We just have to hope that it’s all going to be ok.” He turned to smile at Sam, and saw that, once again, the tears were pouring down her cheeks. Unable to stop the tears from falling now, he climbed off the bed and wrapped his arms round her. “We’ll be ok. It’ll work Sam….”

She gave him a watery smile.

“Sorry Daniel. I just don’t want to get stuck like this. I hate it…er…I…um…”

“It’s ok, Sam. I don’t like it myself. Here...” he handed her a tissue and took one himself. “I hate feeling lousy all the time, and I’m not sure that Janet’s treatment is making things much better.”

 They sat in silence for a while, arms round each other. Then Daniel gave a hollow laugh. “This is weird.”

“What?”

“I’m sat here, with my arm round myself.” He started to laugh. “It’s pretty unique as experiences go, you have to admit.”

Sam gave a wry smile. “I know I’ve said this before, Daniel, but I’m so glad it’s you. I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting a hug from the Colonel, or Teal’c, and it’s definitely what I needed right now.”

“Me too.” He agreed.

Sam kissed his cheek. “Thanks.” She smiled at him.

“What for?” He looked at her, confused.

“Understanding, being a friend, you know…” She looked at her hands, a little embarrassed.

He smiled back. “I know. Thanks too”. He got off her bed. “I’m a little tired. Think I’ll have a sleep now.” He said, climbing back into bed.

“Okay.” She picked up a magazine to read. “Night Daniel.”

“Night…”

*

First thing the following morning, Janet came and drew some more bloods, disappeared for an hour, and came back smiling.

“Okay you two, you can go.”

“Home?” asked Daniel, ever hopeful.

“No. Stay on base, where someone can keep an eye on you, but you don’t have to stay in here any longer.”

 Daniel leapt up out of bed and started hunting for his clothes in the locker.

“Daniel, before you leave, you’ll need to take these with you” Janet handed him a foiled strip of tablets.

“What are they?” he stared at them in confusion.

“HRT. Take one a day and they should help keep Sam’s body in balance until we can get you back the right way round.”

“Thanks,” He pulled the curtains round the bed and dressed in record time, feeling pleased that he was finally getting the hang of female undergarments. ‘Whoa Daniel!’ he thought, ‘You don’t need to get the hang of this – you’re going back to normal soon. I hope…’ Five minutes later, he opened the curtains. “I’m off. See you later.” As he exited, Sam stared at her own bottom, her face screwed up.

“ I need to lose some weight. Do I normally wobble like that, or is Daniel filling my body with so much junk I’m getting fat?”

Janet laughed out loud. “Sam, if it was down to what Daniel eats do you really think his butt would look like that?”

Sam grinned. “It is nice, isn’t it?”

 The two of them giggled.

“ I get to see it naked every so often, whenever he needs jabs…I don’t let the nurses do that one!” Janet blushed. “Not terribly ethical, but it is one of the perks of the job.”

“Janet! I’m shocked!” Sam’s eyes twinkled. She pursed her lips, and gave Janet a quizzical look. “If he was interested, would you…you know?”

“Of course I would! What woman on this base wouldn’t? Must be those oh-so-blue eyes and that air of little boy lost that he projects all the time.” She glanced at Sam. “Well, wouldn’t you?”

 Sam stared at her hands, a frown on her face. “Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“Yes, I probably would.  But then, right now, I would probably jump just about anybody on base.”

“Sam, it’s probably just that your hormones are completely out of whack. You and Daniel are both going through something like puberty right now, and you know what that can do.”

“I know Janet. It’s really embarrassing – I just can’t control this body, and when I get in that mood, it’s soooo obvious. I really shouldn’t be…experiencing Daniel like that. I’m sure it’s against regulations somehow.”

Janet laughed. “If they’ve written regulations to cover having your body swapped with a colleague of the opposite sex while off-world, then I’ll be a Goa’uld host!”

 Sam smiled at her friend and confidante. “I’ve got to get out of here before the Colonel arrives – he’s due any minute. Maybe that’s why Daniel rushed off.”

“No. Daniel always rushes off. For someone who spends so much time in here, he can’t wait to leave. Must be my bedside manner.” Janet walked away, drawing the curtains round the bed as she did so. “I’ve got a mountain of paperwork that’s been building up over the last few months to do, about 90% of it with Daniel’s name on it. I’ll catch up with you later.” As she turned to leave, Jack was coming in through the door to the infirmary. “Good morning Colonel.” As she greeted Jack, she raised her voice as a warning to Sam. “I’ve discharged them both this morning. Sam’s getting dressed, and Daniel left about five minutes ago.”

“Ah. Any idea where he went?”

“Probably for breakfast, he didn’t want to stick around for oatmeal here. Can’t think why not.”

“See ya later Carter! I’m going to find Danny boy…” Jack stuck his hands in his pockets and went off looking for his friend in the commissary.

*

He found him wolfing down a huge plate of bacon, sausage, eggs, hash browns and pancakes, in fact everything the commissary served that wasn’t oatmeal.

“I see the nausea cleared up.” Jack sat down opposite Daniel. “Mind if I join you?” Daniel looked up.

“Huh? Oh…yeah, ok”, Jack pinched a sausage off Daniel’s plate, took a huge bite and put the rest back. “Cut it out Jack!” Daniel suddenly glanced at an Airman who was staring from the huge plateful of food in front of him to his face and back, a stunned look on his face. “Jack, do all the guys on this base stare at Sam like that all the time?”

Jack was confused. “What do you mean?” he mumbled, his mouth full of sausage.

“Well, I’ve noticed that most of the men on this base are staring at me, or bits of me, at least, when they think I’m not looking. How does Sam put up with it?”

“Daniel, it’s normal. That’s what men do – well, military men anyway. They see an attractive woman and they...look harder, and Carter is, let’s face it, an attractive woman. Anyway, it’s probably more to do with the fact that the normally diet-conscious Major Carter is currently eating enough greasy, fried food to keep the average Marine satisfied for a month!”

“I haven’t eaten properly for days – every time I ate something I…” Jack stuck his fingers in his ears.

“Lalalalalalalalala! I can’t hear you! I don’t want to know! I’m about to eat my breakfast!” Daniel gave him one of his hurt looks.

“Actually I thought you were eating my breakfast.” He indicated the half eaten sausage. Jack smiled and picked it up.

“Soooo, what’s on the agenda for today?”

“Well Teal’c went back and retrieved the video camera from the temple, so I want to try and translate the engravings around the walls, see if I can get to the bottom of this whole mess. I can’t see why anyone would want to put a body-swapping device in a temple. Maybe it was used in some kind of ritual…” Daniel tailed off, as he picked up his coffee cup and drained it. He then got up, refilled the cup, and sat back down, idly drinking it and staring into space.  

“You still drinking lots of coffee?” Jack indicated the almost empty cup. Daniel started, having been lost in his thoughts.

“What? Yes, yes I am. Oh don’t you start!”

“Daniel, she said there’d be payback, and when Carter gets mean, she gets really mean.” Jack raised one eyebrow, and nodded at Daniel, a knowing look on his face.

Sam wandered up just then. She sat down next to Daniel, glanced down at what he was eating and then did a double take as she realized just how much food was on the plate.  “Is that all for you?”

“It was, but Jack’s helping himself, so you might as well join in.”

 Sam grabbed the last sausage off the plate. As she bit into it, she turned to Daniel. “Don’t you think things taste different since this happened?”

He thought about it, then bit into a pancake and chewed it thoughtfully. “Yes they do.” He replied. “ I hadn’t really thought about it till you mentioned it, but they do. Wonder why?”

Teal’c came up and sat down next to Jack, a bowl of oatmeal on his tray. He looked at the huge plateful in front of the slim Major’s body, and raised one eyebrow.

“Is that not an overly large amount of food, Daniel Jackson? I have never seen Major Carter eat that much at one sitting before.”

“I have!” chorused Jack and Daniel together, remembering the effect the alien armbands had had on them all.

“Four steaks at one sitting!” Jack added, a triumphant look on his face.

“Indeed?” Teal’c inclined his head. “In that case, Daniel Jackson, perhaps the amount is not so large after all.”

“Hey! I wasn’t myself when I ate that much!” protested Sam “And I do recall both Daniel and the Colonel eating that much as well”

“I only had three.” interjected Jack. “Anyway, this is all in the past. What about now? Today? Anyone want to come watch a hockey game at my place?”

“Janet won’t let us go off base, just in case.” Sam replied.

“In case of what?” Jack looked confused.

“Dunno, anything, I guess.” Sam shrugged.

“She’s just being mean. She’s jealous of all the quality time we spend together so she’s just spoiling all our fun.” Jack joked, then looked up at his three teammates, who were staring at him in stunned silence. “I was kidding – ok?”

“Anyway, Jack, I told you I’ve got translation work to do.” Said Daniel.

 “Is that going to take ALL night?” Jack glowered at his friend.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” Daniel stared defiantly at Jack. “I thought you have paperwork to do.” He added.

“No.”

“That’s not what General Hammond says.” Jack wasn’t sure if Daniel was joking or not, so he stuck his tongue out in response.

Teal’c finished his bowl of oatmeal, and stood up.

“If you will excuse me, I do have something to do.” He bowed and took his tray to the racks, then left.

 Daniel stood up. “I’ve had enough breakfast – coming Sam?” She nodded and stood up.

“Do you want this, Jack?” Daniel indicated the food on the tray.

“Nah.” Jack felt really hurt and rejected. It was so obvious that they didn’t want him around. 

“See you later, Jack.” As Daniel picked up the tray and took it to the racks, Sam went and stood by the door.

“Sir.” The two left together.

Jack sat at the table, feeling very strange. When did Sam replace him in Daniel’s affections? Since when had Daniel preferred Sam’s company to his? It was just because of this whole body-swap thing, Jack decided. Of course Daniel was going to feel closer to someone who was in his body, but damn it, Jack was his best friend, wasn’t he? Determined, Jack got up. He would go and be a right royal pain in the ass till somebody told him what the hell was going on.

He walked slowly round the corridors, till he got to where he knew he’d find them – Daniel’s office. The door was half open, and he was about to barge in, making as much fuss as he could, till he caught a glimpse of the scene inside. The two of them were stood together, arms wrapped around each other, tears running down their faces. “Oh crap!” he thought, and gently pulled the door to, as quietly as he could. He stood, lost and alone, in the corridor for a moment, and then wandered off in search of someone else to annoy.

*

Sam had been aware of Jack outside the door, being temporarily taller than Daniel, but decided to ignore him, hoping he’d take a hint and go away. She saw the hurt expression on his face; how it had changed to one of concern and the way he shut the door, to give them their privacy. She realised then what this was doing to him, how much he cared about both Daniel and her, but mainly Daniel. She knew that Daniel had withdrawn from him recently, turning more to her for advice and comfort, especially since this had happened, but it had been happening before then as well.

 “I’m ok now” he smiled. She bent down and kissed his forehead.

“What was all that about?”

“Don’t know – Jack, the situation, probably hormones.” He’d barely got through the door of his office before the tears had started, and that had set Sam off too. Daniel gave a half laugh. “Honestly, what a pair we are. It’s a good job Jack doesn’t know how flaky we’ve got – he’d think we’ve gone insane.”  Sam thought about telling him, and decided against it. He pulled away from her, wiping his face on his sleeve. “Anyway, I’ve got a translation to do. I need to get to the bottom of why this happened.” He went to his desk, and picked up the video camera that he’d been using to record all the inscriptions on the walls.

Daniel plugged it into his PC, and sat down. “Want to stick around?”

Sam grabbed a chair, and sat down next to him at the desk.  He started to play the recording, making notes on a pad as he went. After a short while, he paused the recording, grabbed one of his notebooks, and started to write more fluently, crossing out words here and there, moving the position of others.  He rang Teal’c a couple of times, cross checking the meanings of certain words. Sam was fascinated. Although she’d seen him working before, she’d never really seen the whole process in action before, as she tended to go away and leave him to it, only returning as the work neared its completion. She got up and refilled the coffee maker. This was going to need a lot of coffee, for both of them.

After about an hour, he looked up and smiled.

“Well that explains that!”

“What?”

“The temple wasn’t a temple – it’s a monument – like the Lincoln Memorial or something.”

“Sorry?” Sam wasn’t following him.

“This plaque here actually outlines the history of the people who built the temple. This is such a gift. It’s going to take all of the guesswork out of what it was and why it was there. I wish it was always this easy.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Are you going to tell me what it says?”

“Well, basically, what it says is that there was a Goa’uld in control on the planet - the evil God Athator, never heard of him - but that the people got sick of his oppression and started a war to get rid of him. They succeeded, but as he ascended into the sky – using the rings maybe? – he sent lightning from on high that destroyed the future.” Daniel got up and refilled his coffee cup.

“Daniel, that doesn’t explain the machine in the temple.”

“I’m getting there – this is one plaque of about thirty. We’ve still got a long way to go.”

“Is it going to take thirty hours..?” Sam wasn’t going to stick around that long.

“No, I usually speed up as I learn the words that slow me up now. It’s a lot quicker when you’re not looking things up all the time.” He sat back down, and set the camera running again.

The two of them sat side by side for the rest of the day, Daniel scribbling on the pad and muttering to himself, Sam keeping the coffee maker filled up, and popping down to the commissary for sandwiches or candy bars. She wasn’t really sure why she was sticking around, but she just didn’t want to leave – she might miss something important. Around six in the evening, Jack stuck his head in, asked a question about dinner, got a grunt from Daniel and a shake of the head from Sam in response, then left, grumbling about boring scientists.

A couple of hours after that, Daniel leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his hair.

“Well, that’s it.”

“Ok, so what have we got?”

“The bomb that this Athator sent somehow caused everyone on the planet to start thinking like transsexuals.”

“Sorry?”

“You know – you’re a man, but you’re in a woman’s body, or vice versa”

Sam nodded. “Sounds familiar”

“Yes, well, anyway, they built a machine that would literally take a man’s mind and stick it into a woman’s body, saving the need for surgery….”

“Wow. Shame it blew up, we could have made good use of that back here on Earth…”

Daniel wasn’t listening to her; he just carried on with the story. “….because everyone on the planet felt the same way, they did thousands of these transfers, before they found out about the side effect.”

“Side effect – what side effect?”

“I think it’s this hormonal thing that Janet has been treating us for. Basically, everybody on the planet was left infertile, and they died out. That monument was there as a warning about what happens when you challenge the Goa’uld. ”

“Oh my God! Do you think…it’ll happen to us?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because Janet spotted the hormone imbalances, and started treating us, we’ll be ok.”

“I hope so.”

*

A short while later, General Hammond stuck his head into Daniel’s office, where he and Sam sat, staring gloomily at each other. The inscriptions on the walls had led them to believe that Ma’chello’s machine should put them back the right way round, but they had no idea whether there would be permanent damage. Although neither of them thought in terms of being parents just yet, the thought of being left infertile was unbearable.

“Major, Doctor…Good news!” They looked up at him. “I’ve just had word, the plane is in the air. The machine will be with us within the hour!” He beamed at them, his blue eyes twinkling.

“YES…uh…Thank you Sir.”

“Yeah…yeah thanks” As the two of them threw their arms round each other; Hammond made a quiet exit, leaving them alone with their celebration. As he rounded the corner, he bumped into Jack, who was ambling towards the office, hands in his pockets.

“Have you heard, Colonel?”

“Heard? Heard what?”

“The plane’s on its way”

“Really? How long?”

“Within the hour…” Jack was desperately trying to look nonchalant, and failing.

“Permission to…”

“Of course Colonel, Dismissed.”

As Jack turned the corner, he let out a whoop of delight. Hammond strolled back to his office, a smile splitting his face.

In Daniel’s office, the three teammates sat beaming at each other when Teal’c walked in.

“I have just heard the news. I am very pleased for you, Daniel Jackson, Major Carter” He inclined his head, then looked up and smiled. The four of them grinned in an idiotic fashion at each other for a moment, and then Sam stood up.

“If you guys will excuse me, there’s something I need to do.”

“What? What could possibly be so important that it can’t wait till you’re back in your own body?” Jack stared at her, as she made to leave the office.

“None of your business, Sir” she smiled and left the room, muttering “payback for caffeine overdose” under her breath. Jack looked at Daniel, who shrugged. He’d obviously not heard what she’d just said.

“That’s your body that she’s using. Doesn’t it worry you that she might be having sex with someone…or worse?”

“Jack, I trust Sam not to do anything horrible to me…”

“I wouldn’t do that if I was you.”

“Do what?”

“Daniel, Sam has a reputation for being something of a practical joker…”

“Sam? Our Sam?” Jack nodded. “No, no, she wouldn’t do…anythi…would she?” It was funny the way that Daniel’s expressions now seemed to fit on Sam’s face now, Jack thought, as Daniel struggled to come to terms with the fact that Sam might be having a tattoo, or his ears pierced, or worse.

“Well, Danny Boy, you’ll just have to wait and see what she’s done when you finally get your body back, won’t you?”

“Ha ha Jack, very funny.” Daniel got to his feet. “I’ll just go and see if I can, uh, catch up with her…” he left the room, moving as fast as Jack had ever seen him go without artificial assistance.

“There’s a gay orderly in the infirmary who’s got the hots for you...” Jack yelled down the corridor after Daniel’s retreating form. “Look at that boy go…Well Teal’c, it’s just you and me – fancy getting something to eat?”

“Indeed O’Neill.”

“I can tell you all about some of things I’ve heard that Carter has got up to in the past…Fifty says it’s a tattoo.”

“My knowledge of Major Carter suggests she would elect for something less permanent – perhaps she will shave his head.” The two of them walked off down the corridor, discussing what surprises could be in store for Daniel on recovery of his body.

*

An hour later, everyone was gathered in the infirmary, staring at Ma’chello’s device. Daniel was edging round the group towards Sam, trying to attract her attention. She was deliberately not looking in his direction.

“Sam?” Somehow he’d managed to stand next to her. Jack was trying hard not to laugh at Daniel’s obvious discomfort with the thoughts of what Sam might have done with his body while she’d been locked away for nearly fifty minutes. Daniel had spent the entire time knocking on the locked door, and had then followed Sam all the way to the infirmary, trying to find out what she’d been up to.

“Daniel, I told you, it was private.” Sam moved away from Daniel, leaving him with his arms wrapped round his chest and a frown of misery all over his face.

“Well folks, shall we get on with this?” Janet put down the pad she had been holding, and smiled at the two scientists.

They stepped up to the machine, and took hold of the handles. There was a pause and then….

Daniel stared down at his chest, his hands. He grinned at Sam, who ran her hands up over her face and then down through her hair.   

“Well, how do you feel?” Janet had picked up her clipboard and pen again.

“Fine. A bit of a headache though.” Sam rubbed her nose. “Probably all that caffeine” she added pointedly.

“I haven’t got a headache,” said Daniel smugly. “It’s great to be back to normal.”

“I’ll be the judge of what’s normal” interjected Janet. “I just want to check you both over and then you’re free to go.” She ushered them off towards the cubicles. Looking over her shoulder, she added, “Colonel, Teal’c, you can go – I’ll let you know if there’s anything to worry about.”

“There’s always something to worry about – we’re talking about Daniel!” Jack responded. He stood with his hands in his pockets. “So Teal’c, what do we do now?”

“Well, O’Neill, if our presence is no longer required, then I shall go and…”

Jack never found out what Teal’c was going to do, because at that moment there was an anguished yell from Daniel.

He burst out of the cubicle, doing up his pants, and grabbed the curtains of Sam’s cubicle.

“Sam! I’ll…I’ll…!” He stormed off past Jack and Teal’c, leaving Janet and Sam giggling hysterically behind him.

“Ok. What did you do him, Carter?” Jack cocked his head, and Teal’c raised one eyebrow.

“It’s not for me to say, Sir. I’m not sure he’d want you to know” Jack looked at Janet, who raised her hands and shook her head.

“Patient confidentiality, Colonel.” She was overcome by another fit of giggles, which set Sam off again.

“Women!” Jack set off in search of Daniel.

He found him, kicking a locker in the locker room in frustration, obviously still very, very angry.

“Soooo, what she do to you Daniel?” Daniel punched a locker, so hard the door swung open.

“Ow!”

“Tell me how beating the crap out of the lockers is going to help?”

Daniel sat down, nursing his hand.

He shrugged. “It’s…it…just makes me feel better”

Jack nodded at his hand. “Oh really?”

“No, not really,” Daniel’s anger seemed to have disappeared, to be replaced with a look of despair and, was that…? Yes, it was pain.

“So, what did she do to you, Daniel?”

“...Er…she…er…. um…”

“Is it permanent?”

“No.”

“So it can’t be that bad then…can it?” Daniel suddenly got angry again. He stood up again.

“What do you know about it, Jack? I won’t be able to use the locker room with anyone else for AGES!”

“Well, I can’t know anything about it unless you tell me, can I?”

“Aaaargh!” Daniel kicked the open locker door shut again. He sat back down; arms wrapped round his chest, and sighed. “I guess it’s my own fault. She kept asking me not to drink my usual amount of coffee or there’d be payback – and there was.”

Jack said nothing, just raised his eyebrows, stuck his hands in pockets and leaned back against the wall. The door of the locker that Daniel had just kicked slowly swung back open. The two of them stared at it in silence.

“Whose is that?” Asked Daniel in a very small voice.

Jack leaned forward and looked at the name on the door.

“Carter’s”

“Bet there’s nail polish in there. Bright red nail polish.” Daniel’s voice was barely more than a whisper.

“Daniel?”

“Bright red nail polish and a razor” Jack glanced in, and sat on top of a pile of books was bright red polish and a razor. A razor with a lot of hair in it.

“How…?”

“Because she’s…she’s” Daniel swallowed. “She’s shaved my legs and painted my toenails!” Jack tried, unsuccessfully, not to laugh. Daniel glared back. “It’s not funny Jack!”

“Oh but it is! She did keep warning you not to keep drinking so much coffee or there’d be payback, and did you listen? You ought to be thankful it’s only that, and not a body piercing or a tattoo.” He sat down next to Daniel, who was still holding his hand. “That hurts, doesn’t it?” He got a nod in reply, followed by a sniff. Jack glanced at his friend, but Daniel was looking away, head bowed. “You ok?” There was a long pause.

“Not really” Daniel wiped his face, trying to hide the tears that kept flowing, despite his best efforts to stop them. “Sorry Jack, I’m just feeling very tired and…. emotional.”

“Don’t people normally say that when they’re drunk?” Jack was confused.

“Jack!” Daniel shook his head and got up, wiping his face with his sleeve. He wrapped his arms round his chest and turned away from Jack, head bowed.

“Sorry. Do you want to tell me?”

“No, it doesn’t matter any more.”

‘Damn!’ thought Jack. ‘He’s clammed up on me again’. A knock on the locker room door broke his chain of thoughts.

“Sir? Can I come in?” Sam stuck her head round the door.

“Carter! Shouldn’t you wait to be asked in before you come in?”

“Actually Sir, it’s scheduled Sam and Daniel time, so you shouldn’t be here.”

Jack threw his hands up. “Okay! I can take a hint.” As he pushed past Sam he muttered, “He’s really pissed at you. Tread carefully.” Sam closed the door behind Jack.

“Hey.” Daniel stood rigid, his back to Sam, arms still wrapped around him. “Daniel?” She stretched out her hand to touch him, but he shrugged it off.

“Daniel! It was a joke, please don’t be mad…” She stared at him, everything about his posture told her he was crying. Surely he couldn’t be that upset? “It was a silly prank, that’s all.” Suddenly unable to keep it in any longer, he let out a huge, sob, collapsing to his knees as he did so. Sam rushed to put her arms round him. This time he didn’t push her away, but leant into her. “Daniel, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know”, he wailed, “I just can’t control it.” She shushed him, rocking him back and forth in her arms like you would a crying child.

“It’s alright, just let it out.” She held him until his sobs subsided. “Better now?” He sniffed and rubbed his hands over his face. He gave her a small nod by way of response, then took a deep breath.

“I think so” he sighed. “How are you?” The two of them sat side by side against the wall, shoulders just touching.

“I’m ok. Janet says my hormones are still way off base, but that it should settle down in time. She really would like to see you…” He winced. “And that hand looks like it could do with some treatment. What did you do?”

“I hit a locker – hard.”

“Daniel! That’s worthy of the Colonel, not you.”

“Really, what’s worthy of me?” He felt like he was spoiling for a fight, and was daring her to say something to start it – sensitive, kind, nice, gentle, or God forbid, sweet.

“Well, I just thought you expressed your anger in a more…. intelligent fashion. You shout at people, you don’t hit things.”

“My hormones are probably way off too. Remember, Janet’s been injecting bucket loads of testosterone into this body to try to keep it normal.” He gave her a small smile.

“Ah. That’s probably it then. Why is my locker open?” Sam nodded at the open door.

“I kicked it. I think I broke the catch.” He looked down at his hand again. “I think I broke my hand, too.”

Sam took hold of it and looked it over. He was right, hands don’t normally swell that much, that quickly, just from bruising. “I think you’d better get this to the infirmary, before it swells so much you can’t get your shirt off over it.” She said.

 “Sorry Sam. I ..er…this last week…er.. sorry.” He looked sheepishly at Sam, and gave her a small half smile. She smiled back.

“I’m sorry too. We’ve both been a bit snappy lately. Let’s put it down to hormones and forget about it, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, let’s get that hand looked at before it drops off.” The two of them struggled up from the floor, and headed off to the infirmary.

*

Two days later, Jack sauntered into Daniel’s office. Daniel had been isolating himself from everyone after the incident, or whatever it was that had happened in the locker room, and Jack wanted to know exactly what it was. He found the young archaeologist bent over a book, trying to make notes unsuccessfully, as his right hand was encased in a plaster cast. Daniel winced as he tried to find a comfortable way to hold his pencil, and looked up at Jack.

“How come you manage to get injured after it was all over, Danny?”

“Must have been missing Janet’s company, I guess.” Daniel smiled. “Did you want something?”

“Yep. Carter and Teal’c are coming over tonight for beer and hockey, and somehow we thought it wouldn’t be the same without you. God knows why – you don’t like beer and you don’t appreciate the finer points of hockey, but, hell, we like ya!”

“I’m busy.”

“No you’re not – I checked.”

“Jack, I’m working”

“On what?”

“I’m trying to find out who Athator was – Teal’c doesn’t know anything, thinks he’s a very minor Goa’uld with designs on greatness, and…”

“Daniel!”

“What?”

“We don’t need to know that right now. Besides General Hammond has ordered us all to take some down time – especially you and Carter.”

“But…” Daniel stared up at his friend, his blue eyes pleading with Jack to let him carry on doing what he loved, to be allowed to get over the previous week in his own way. Jack’s soft brown eyes gazed down at those blue ones, filled with warmth. He knew what Daniel was asking, but he couldn’t let him withdraw from everyone, particularly Carter.

“Danny, you can’t even write down what you find out. Leave it. Let Nyan do it. Just come and sulk in the corner at my place if that what makes you happy, but you are coming and you will watch hockey and d