You're not one of those who are easily fooled. Neither weak nor a coward, you just made a choice when you had to. Easy tricks never worked, not that you'd have surrendered by taking the easiest path. Others may not understand, but in everyone's life there's that moment where it must be decided - 'do I choose this path or has this path chosen me?
'
Of course not all the options one you can find relate to the universe's future, but still you like to think that your choice didn't have much to do with heroism but with stubbornness. There were other possibilities, but if you had picked them, you'd ended up realizing you'd betrayed yourself.
So, here you are, chained.
First you weren't that aware, but you eventually realized that somewhere you had started forging a chain you had never experienced before. Loyalties and bonds that first linked you to a protective duty towards the slaved, the innocent, then became more and more universal involving you in a saving the universe routine whirl you never controlled at all.
Shackle by shackle the chain grew heavier, Some links are replaceable, others didn't last long, and were never missed. Though there are three shackles which merged you to the most unexpected experience. Sometimes those links are unbearable, as if they want to strangle you into a burden of duties, respects and words never told, feelings inferred but not showed.
At the beginning, you didn't mind its weight, you were used to held all the freight on your own, never counting on anything else, and so, your realize now, did they.
Old habits are hard to break, and you learned early that being surrounded by people didn't mean they would understand. Or believe. Or both.
So, being a quarter of something didn't mean you should get involved. It was the opportunity of your life; all you had always wanted, but never really asked for.
Seven years ago, you wouldn't have accepted, but it came just in time, the right time, the right place as well.
That thought makes you shudder now.
Because you are chained.
Irremediably chained.
Trapped, fastened, tied, bound.
A given choice derived from a free decision, a consequence you never foresaw, you fool.
And right now you don't mind. Even more, you hold to it; you welcome it like a comforting balsam.
It didn't happen suddenly. It was a slow, subtle process -so subtle that it made its way under you skin and caught you unprepared. There was the urge to fight, but it didn't last. And then you made the discovery of the century.
Shared tension is more bearable, backing and being backed lightens the weight.
You might have known the theory but never really practiced. And this caught you a little by surprise, but it easily became a routine. And the chains lost weight. Now you share them with your companions, hanging together in an equilibrium that sometimes seems delicate and fragile, other times solid and firm.
You have had your opportunities of testing the bond -sometimes you've been pushed further than you would have and it nearly destroyed you all. Because now that's the problem. It's not a matter of you anymore.
It's a matter of us.
Your greatest weakness, say your enemies.
Your biggest strength, you like to think.
Because if it isn't, you are doomed.
There's something unique in a team like yours and the fact that you are all still alive should give you credit. It does with the General, who was reluctant when it all started but now treats you all with the greatest respect.
But you can't relax, because there are many people who would like you to surrender. Not all of them are goa'ulds. There are also those hard decisions that put you and your teammates between the devil and the deep blue sea. It's like a judgment about your ability to hang together.
There have been times where you thought it had been broken irreconcilably, but later fences were mended and all of you learnt some lessons.
And your bonds grew stronger to the point in which many times there was no need for words. You knew, they knew, nothing else mattered.
You wonder if this will help you with your fight, but perhaps there's no need of wondering, because it can't be changed. It's the way it is, a fate you never searched, but that now is part of you and part of them.
And if you count the moments, you have never been so happy, so full of life. Your fight, the hope that things will be alright at the end, knowing and believing that despite those dark moments and difficult choices you're doing the right thing, gives you all you need to keep going.
And also them. Your family, without blood ties but with trust, shared experiences. You have bled together, even died together.
All these things come to your mind while you watch that deep blue event horizon that will transport you to the unknown in a minute. They are at your side, and you feel their presence.
You're all connected.
Chained.
Yes, please. On list, off list I don't mind. English is not my native language, so I'm always willing to learn.
Many, many thanks to Carrie for beta'ing and some fantastic suggestions, and to Lukitas for reading and encouraging.
© May 30, 2001 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.
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