"S-sam ?"
The woman started in her seat, looking at her friend on the bed.
"Daniel. Did the noise wake you ? I could get Jan-"
"Where's J-" Daniel started to say, but stopped. He looked away, suddenly seeming to be fascinated by the monitors besides him.
"Where's what, Daniel ?" Sam asked softly as she helped him sit up, tucking the blanket back around him. She had misgivings about that move though, when she caught the wince as Daniel leaned into the pillows.
Daniel shook his head. He looked embarrassed for some reason.
"Nothing. I-" He looked up and squinted as he tried to focus on Sam. "You should get some rest, Sam. I'm okay."
Sure you are, Sam thought sadly, that's why your eyes are glued to the door, looking for the colonel. That's why you don't want me to turn down the lights even though they're hurting your eyes.
"Do you need your glasses, Daniel ?" the woman asked as she opened the case by the bedside table and pulled them out. When they had found Daniel in the cell, his twisted frames were by his feet, beyond repair. Jack had a new pair made, and placed them by Daniel's bed. Sam had caught the colonel fingering the case once or twice as he sat there waiting for Daniel to wake up.
"Maybe...later..." Daniel murmured, his eyes on his lap now.
"I have..." Sam hated herself for doing this. She tried to make the statement sound casual. "I have the mission debriefings from Major Sanders, Smith and Tesh." She pointed the pile of folders on the table. "I thought maybe you would want to take a look at them... refresh... to see if you could remember anything."
Daniel looked up, his blue eyes almost colorless. He looked like he had been betrayed. She tried not to flinch.
"I think I remember enough already, Sam." The young man swallowed as he lifted his hands, revealing the bandages. "I saw what they... did to my back..."
Sam winced, remembering catching a glimpse of the exposed stitches when she had helped Jack ease Daniel back onto the bed. And she still found her eyes wandering back to the darkening scabs on the sides of his temples, almost hidden by the hairline. But she could still see them, as they were before - bleeding, marring his face with blood that made his face almost unrecognizable.
"You..." Sam felt like just easing him back down to bed and just letting him sleep, but she clenched her fists and pushed on. "You need to remember, Daniel. Janet's right. You need to know what happened to you. Yours and Stone's are the last missing links. Once Stone wakes up..." If ever. "...and you give your side of what you remember, we may be able to find out who did this and what hap-"
"I already know what happened, Sam," the scientist said in a harsh voice, his breathing quickened with each word. "I lost."
Sam stared at her friend, her mouth slightly open.
"Lost ? What do you mean ? Daniel, I don't understand what-"
"I just..." Daniel's voice broke a little, failing to remain steady. "I know I failed somehow... I just don't know what." His hands bunched to fists as he dropped his head. "Sometimes... I can..." Daniel stopped. She could almost see him physically pulling away although he stayed where he was on the bed.
"Daniel-"
The scientist shook his head.
"Please... just leave it alone, Sam." He breathed deeply, closing his eyes, leaning back into the bed. "I... I'll be okay."
"We're all here, Daniel," Sam said softly, reaching out to place a hand on her friend's arm. "You know that we'll be here, every step of the way."
"Thank you," Daniel whispered, his eyes still closed. "I just need to be... alone right now."
She made no move to leave.
"Are you sure ?"
"N-no." The young man opened his eyes and smiled sadly. "But clinging on to you guys like some pathetic child won't-"
Sam leaned forward and carefully wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Daniel stiffened at first but then slowly moved his hands onto her back. She could feel his hands hesitantly patting her.
"You're not pathetic, Daniel." Sam's voice was muffled against his neck. "Don't ever say that about yourself. I'm here because I want to help. We're all here because we want to help."
The man just sat there, Sam's arms around him, unable to find the words as he listened to her whisper reassurances to him. Daniel then leaned into the embrace and shuddered as he felt her arms tighten around him.
Daniel's voice choked.
"I should have tried harder... I don't know why... but I should have said no..."
"It's okay."
"No it isn't." Daniel pushed her away. "I should have fought harder. I..." He swallowed. His eyes seemed to glaze over, turning the once brilliant blue into a dull haze. "I remember begging, Sam." He flushed slightly, looking ashamed. "I was begging. I couldn't stop myself. I don't remember anything else but that !"
"Daniel-"
"We didn't do anything !" Daniel's voice rose higher as his fists bunched around the blankets underneath him. "We didn't do anything to get them angry ! I... it was only an exploratory mission ! We were just there to study ! Why did they..."
"Daniel." Sam tried to lean closer to him but stopped when she saw Daniel's head snap up, his body cringing away. "We think they were Go'uald."
Startled, Daniel's blue eyes widened as she continued.
"When we... found this place..." Sam tried to reach out and take Daniel's hand, but he just tensed. She sighed to herself. "There were guards there, in Jaafa uniform. We... tried to capture one but..."
Teal'c shouted in alarm as a staff weapon blast came close to the corner where they were hiding.
"O'Neill !" the Jaafa reported. "I see three to your left !"
The colonel nodded curtly, pulling out his small mirror and extending it's long metal pole so he could see around the corner. He caught a glimpse of the three Jaafa before another blast shot the mirror out of his hands. Cursing, he shrank back into cover.
"Shit ! Johnson, can you get a good shot on your side ?" Jack barked into the walkie-talkie. He exchanged a look with Sam, pinned on the opposite side of the hallway.
The radio crackled to life as the SG-3 leader responded.
"Negative. They got us trapped in here pretty good."
"Sir !" Sam pulled out a grenade. "I think I can bounce it off that wall, into their hideout."
The colonel stared at the major.
"You sure ? That's the last one !"
"I've done it before," Sam answered grimly, remembering using a similar tactic when she had been tracking down the alien assassins called ReTu. She had ricocheted a grenade off a table into the elevator that time. She nodded again.
"Just give me cover, sir," Sam shouted.
Jack nodded curtly. With a shout to Teal'c, he rolled away from his safe corner, into the middle of the hallway and began firing wildly. The guards, unprepared for the sudden burst of fire, shrank back.
"Now, major !"
Sam eyed the area a few feet away from the corner where the Jaafa was hiding. With a quick flick of the wrist and a silent prayer, she tossed the grenade. A light bounce, it struck the wall and flew into the corner.
"Heads up !" Jack shouted before ducking his head.
With a burst of sound and light, the corner in front of them exploded and she could faintly hear foreign cries, indicating that she had struck her mark. She frowned as she saw one guard tumble out of the hiding place, groaning as he hit the floor.
"We got a live one here !" Johnson emerged from down the hallway, his men surrounding the survivor, their rifles aimed at the Jaafa.
Jack hurried down the hallway, his face set with fury, ready to grab the guard when suddenly, Johnson shouted a warning. Teal'c, from behind him, abruptly grabbed Jack by the vest, jerking him back. The other soldiers backed away as the Jaafa pulled out a round device, screamed unintelligibly, then activated it.
The explosion rocked the hallway and threw everyone to the ground.
When Sam lifted her head again, the Jaafa was dead.
"He killed himself, Daniel," Sam finished. The young man nodded numbly. "I mean... I've never seen such... suicidal devotion in a Jaafa before... well... except maybe Teal'c when he was..." She sighed, wondering when she had started babbling. "But we didn't recognize the symbols on their foreheads. It looked like a V shaped symbol, but it was curved at the ends like-"
"Antlers ?" Daniel whispered.
Sam looked surprised.
"Actually... now that you mention it. They could have looked like antlers. Daniel ? Did you remember something ?" The young man seemed to have paled further.
"No." Daniel looked away, shivering a bit.
"Daniel-"
"I don't... remember..." he said tightly.
Daniel bowed his head.
"I'm sorry, Sam."
She wanted to reassure him that it was okay, but before she could say anything, there was a knock at the door. Daniel stiffened, shrinking back within the covers of his blankets and Sam realized sadly, that this signaled that the conversation was over.
A soldier stepped into the room, looking at her tentatively.
"Major Carter ?"
"Yes." Sam felt like yelling at the soldier for interrupting, but the soldier looked so anxious that she began to wonder if his arrival had anything to do with the alarms she had heard before.
"I was asked to inform you that you're needed in the briefing room."
"Did they say what for ?" Sam darted a look at Daniel, who had turned his back towards her. Her shoulders slumped slightly in defeat.
"No, Major."
"Daniel, I'll be right back," Sam said softly, her hand touching his shoulder briefly.
The scientist didn't look up when she left.
Janet Fraiser checked on her last patient, the only one who still hadn't woken up since their return from that planet. She nodded as staff members walked by, but didn't bother with conversation as she concentrated on her patient. Taking the chart from the foot of the bed, the doctor quickly scanned the last blood work result.
"Lieutenant Stone," Janet murmured. "And how are we doing today ?"
The medical monitors beeped and chirped, answering her question. Janet smiled to herself, reading the vitals, which were good. Stone could be waking up soon. She eyed the clipboard and nodded to herself when the blood work showed that the strange proteins they had discovered were virtually non-existent. It was the same for Sanders, Tesh-
And Daniel.
Thinking back to the young scientist, Janet's smile faded. She had yet to return to check on Daniel and wondered briefly what she would find. Would she find Colonel O'Neill there again ? And if so, what would he be doing ?
Rubbing her fingers against the left side of her temples, Janet could feel a headache coming her way. Moving her fingers in circles, she massaged the skin until it went away.
Now if everything else were as easy as that, I would be truly a miracle worker.
The alarms went off and Janet jumped. As a doctor, she was used to the sudden outburst of noise, but with her mind wandering, she had been caught off guard, and her heart was pounding. All around her were the standby medical team, gathering at the door and heading for the embarkation room as per standard procedure. Janet just stood there, waiting for her heart to slow to a decent rate. She silently cursed the high pitch wailing, knowing a certain someone nearby was probably getting upset as a result of the same sounds right now.
Can you blame him ?
Janet shook her head. No, she couldn't, but the doctor in her couldn't help feeling like she wasn't doing everything she could to help Daniel. A certain colonel, who would remain nameless right now, was hindering her.
Daniel didn't want to remember.
How do you heal someone who doesn't want to be healed ?
The doctor sighed, sitting down besides Stone's bed, allowing herself a momentary indulgence.
But as soon as she sat down, her mind wandered back to the pale face three rooms down. Groaning, Janet set her clipboard down and leaned into the chair. Vaguely, she noticed that the chairs, although a vast improvement over the plastic chairs they had inherited when this operation first set up, they were still not anatomically correct.
She wondered how anyone could sit in these things for hours, their spines curving to the most agonizing positions, as they waited on their ailing comrades. The people holding vigils would end up needing the infirmary as much as the people they were watching over.
If there was ever a chance, Janet would have to ask Jack this question. If he lets me get near him. Or near Daniel.
Janet felt like a monster, pushing Daniel to remember. And the way Jack glared at her each time she asked another question only made her feel even worse. The doctor knew it would be painful, even to the point of torturous. She wasn't a machine, she knew what could happen if she kept on pressing the issue, dredging up the memories. Janet also knew that Daniel would want nothing more than to let his mind forget, let some things go unrecalled.
But Janet seen too many soldiers shove away memories.
She had also seen the memories return with a vengeance and their victims desperate for a way out.
Some sought that escape with drugs. Some with guns. And some just shrank away, hiding within the shattered remains of their minds.
Janet shivered.
She had no syringe filled with miracles to heal people who suffered like that.
And so she pushed.
But Jack kept pushing her back, pushing her away, and Daniel let him.
A surge of anger came abruptly and Janet found herself a little surprised. She could understand the motives behind Jack's actions, the desire to protect the younger man. How many times had she herself wanted to just wrap her arms around Daniel, to whisper reassurances like she did with Cassandra and rock him until he fell asleep ? But she held back, because she knew that Daniel needed that from SG-1.
But Daniel also needed more.
Janet wondered whatever had happened to the stubborn pushing and shoving that Jack often favored with Daniel. The colonel was always tough with the anthropologist but she had come to understand that it was for his own good. It was Jack's way of ensuring Daniel's safety. Even at times when she had thought the colonel was being too harsh, she had always seen the underlying concern in his eyes as he studied Daniel when he thought no one was looking. In Jack's own gruff way, the colonel worried about his friend.
In fact, they all do, Janet mused as she double-checked Stone's readings.
Sam was Daniel's academic supporter, his sisterly companion during those late nights down at the labs. She was probably the only one who could catch up with Daniel's tumbling, eye-popping speed of thought. Janet had witnessed their whirlwind discussions once and was still dizzy thinking about it. The two had switched subjects, mixed and matched theories faster than she could take a pulse.
Teal'c was Daniel's guard. Janet had caught the Jaafa standing guard over the scientist many times, even when he wasn't in the infirmary on one of his notorious visits. The doctor once found Teal'c hovering over Daniel, when the anthropologist had fallen asleep on his desk during a long night. The Jaafa didn't wish to disturb Daniel and didn't want anyone else to bother him either. So he had stood there, as stiff as a pillar, silently watching over Daniel while he slumbered.
The doctor smiled. She remembered Jack catching them, then teasing Teal'c about it for the longest time.
Jack.
Janet's smile faded. She had expected Jack to go into the same push and shove routine as always, but instead he was handling Daniel like he was a bomb that was about to go off and Jack was unsure which wire to cut. She had overheard him asking Daniel what had happened, then skirting the issue when Daniel got too upset.
Janet pressed her fingers against her temples again, her headache back. She would love more than anything for Stone to wake up and tell all, so freeing Daniel from the pressure of remembering and let time do it for him. But life was never that simple. Never wrapped up in pretty wrapping paper and a fancy bow.
So who should I push ? The colonel ? Or Daniel ?
The doctor didn't like either choice.
"Doctor Fraiser ?" A soldier stood by the doorway at attention. Janet turned towards him.
"You're needed in the briefing room."
Jack was wondering if he had heard correctly. He blinked once, looking back at General Hammond, who had the same expression on his face. Janet also had the same stunned look on her face.
"Let me see if I have this right," Jack said slowly. "You want us to take SG-5 and Doctor Jackson back to P7J973 to-"
"To seek out the second base." Tery'ka nodded. "That is correct."
"Out of the question," Hammond said in a firm voice from where he was seated at his end of the table. "Our men are still recovering from that mission. I can't send them back there when there's still a threat."
"The risk is calculable," Tery'ka said calmly, setting the cylinder he carried on the table.
"Calculable ?" Jack didn't care if this man was To'kra or not, he was fuming that this person would have the nerve to come in here, demanding that they take SG-5 and Daniel back to that place. Jack stood up from his seat, his eyes blazing. "What do you mean calculable ?"
"Colonel O'Neill." General Hammond said the man's name quietly but the warning in it was enough. Jack sat down again, glowering at Tery'ka.
"We must seek this Goa'uld out." The To'kra didn't even blink at Jack's anger. He studied the people seated round the table solemnly. "The leader is seeking to overthrow the system lords one by one. There was no success before, but with this," Tery'ka pointed to the cylinder once more, "nimertha, the Goa'uld would be able to do what it wishes."
Sam came into the meeting room, her face flushed.
"General Hammond ? I was told to come here." She looked surprised. The meeting had started without her. That in itself was a sure sign that whatever it was, it was too urgent to wait for all the participants to arrive. She nodded towards Teal'c and Janet, who were seated across from Jack and their visitor.
The general nodded.
"Major. This is Tery'ka from the To'kra council. Tery'ka, this is-"
"Samantha Carter of SGC." The To'kra coolly surveyed her, looking her up and down. "Yes. The host Jacob Carter has mentioned her many times."
Sam had barely sat down before she started asking questions.
"What's going on ? Is this about my dad ? Is he okay ?"
"We were on an intelligence mission on the planet you called P7J973." Tery'ka ignored her questions as he pulled out a sphere. Pressing the bottom of it, a hologram shot out, showing the lush green landscape of the planet.
Jack clenched his jaw, remembering the deceptively serene slopes of the planet.
"There were rumors, among the Goa'ald of a return to power of one exiled long ago." Tery'ka paused. "That this Goa'uld had recovered the gifts of Ra-"
"Ra ?" General Hammond interrupted. The To'kra nodded.
"Yes. The nimertha." Tery'ka touched a panel on the cylinder and the image changed to one more detailed, this time showing the abandoned village. "It might have been guarded by these people, for their leader, until he could return for them."
"What's does this nimertha do?" Janet wanted to know.
"It serves as... a bind." Tery'ka hedged, unsure of the word for it in their language. "Changes one's will to one of their wishing."
"Telling them something that may be untrue," the doctor added.
"Yes."
"Or telling them to kill someone," Jack muttered. Tery'ka fixed his eyes on the colonel.
"Yes."
Sam frowned.
"Isn't that nishta ?" The Major was referring to a chemical the team had been exposed to when they went to find Seth. She remembered falling under the control of the sweet scent of the nishta, unable to stop herself as she told the Goa'uld about knowing the To'kra.
The To'kra looked surprised when she mentioned the term.
"Almost. You have encountered nishta ?"
"SG-1 was helping Jacob Carter track down Seth. They encountered it during that mission."
"I had heard about your success in that." Tery'ya turned his eyes back to Sam, a small smile on his lips. It had an almost satisfied gleam to it.
"I have also heard that you were responsible for ridding us of him." Tery'ka's eyes glowed slightly, telling of his pleasure, revealing the first real emotion since he arrived here. "You have our gratitude."
"You're...welcome." Sam didn't look too happy about his 'gratitude'.
"The nishta ?" Jack interrupted with a frown.
"It is similar to the nishta, but there is no immunity to this after being exposed. One can be under the bondage of the nimertha over and over again." Fingering the cylinder, the To'kra passed it down the table. "Its effects come to pass after a huge trauma to the host body."
"Like death," Janet volunteered quietly as she accepted the container. She cautiously gave it a sniff. It smelled a little like apples. The doctor passed it along to Sam, who did the same. From the look on the Major's face, she thought the same thing.
Tery'ka nodded when he heard Janet's example.
"It contains a mixture of naquada which releases at death, to revive the body."
"I've done tests on their blood," Janet continued. "I see evidence of the chemical leaving their bloodstream."
"If the task to be achieved, or the hold on the host is lost, it will cease."
"So in not killing Colonel O'Neill, that task is gone," General Hammond mused.
Jack fidgeted in his seat, as the conversation was getting more and more uncomfortable by the second.
"I don't see a problem then. If they get this stuff in their system, all you have to do is hold them until whatever it was they had to do, fails."
"Would you know what it is they have to do though, Colonel O'Neill ?" Tery'ka countered.
Jack scowled, knowing the answer to that. He fingered the fading bruises on his throat.
"There is an antidote. Which was why we had ventured to the planet, in hopes of finding it, but-"
"Wait, you said we ?" Sam interrupted.
"Selmac and I."
Everyone visibly sat up straighter.
"You were with General Carter ?" Hammond asked. "Where is he now ?"
"I fear for him, we were forced to separate." Tery'ka took back the sphere, and the image of the planet vanished. "We were ambushed after our exploration of the cells where your men were held."
"My dad ?" Sam asked anxiously.
"I believe still back in the planet."
Jack had to stop himself from exploding.
"Why didn't you say so in the first place ?"
"I need your people to return to the planet to find the second structure. They may have him there."
The room fell silent as they digested this. General Hammond was the first to speak up.
"I understand the urgency of this. We will of course provide any aid in rescuing General Carter, but I can't send the men back to that planet in their state."
"They could be the only ones who know where the second complex will be."
"We found the first one on our own," Sam argued. "I'm sure with enough men, we could find the second."
Tery'ka eyed the humans seated around the table.
"I do not have time to waste. Selmac may have already ingested the nimertha. Our locations and names of our operatives may already be revealed to the leader."
"Who is the leader ?" Jack abruptly asked, his eyes narrowing.
"I do not know."
"You know where they were hidden. What they have. And that there's an antidote, but you don't know who the leader is..." Jack eyed Tery'ka.
"No."
Jack snorted softly, but quieted when he got another look from General Hammond. He looked over to Carter and saw that her eyes were anxiously looking back at him. Jack's gaze softened, realizing she was probably worried about her father.
"I need to speak with the men who ingested the nimertha. Perhaps they could tell me of the location or show me," Tery'ka repeated. "It would save me the time to find Selmac."
Janet spoke up then.
"I'm afraid I can't allow that." She nodded towards General Hammond. "Doctor Jackson is still recuperating from his injuries."
"If I can talk to him, perhaps he can decide for himself ?" Tery'ka pressed.
Jack leaned forward a little in his seat.
"She said he was still recovering," he said tightly.
"But he may remember-"
"He doesn't remember anything at all." Jack was practically seething by now. "Nothing."
"If I could talk to him," the To'kra persisted.
"Wouldn't do you any good."
"The location is very important. Selmac must be rescued before the knowledge of our operatives is revealed."
"He... doesn't... remember," Jack grated out.
"Gentlemen," General Hammond interrupted.
Jack and Tery'ka both looked at General Hammond. He eyed the colonel, his hands twitching on top of the table and then looked towards the doctor.
"I'll leave that decision entirely up to the doctor, Tery'ka."
Suddenly, all eyes were on Dr. Fraiser.
The doctor, fully aware of the piercing gaze headed in her direction from Jack, coughed quietly.
"I'm afraid I have to refuse that visit for now, General Hammond. Maybe later, if the answers gained from the others aren't enough." Janet turned slightly and saw Jack frowning. "I... I would rather not interrupt Doctor Jackson's recuperation, though."
General Hammond nodded.
"Very well, doctor. Tery'ka, I'm afraid I can not allow any questioning of Doctor Jackson for the time being."
The To'kra nodded, but he did not look pleased with the answer.
"In the meantime, if the doctor agrees, you may speak with the others. Colonel O'Neill, you start preparing your team for this mission. I'll be adding SG-3 to your detail."
"Yes sir," Jack said automatically. His posture revealed nothing of what he might be thinking right now.
Hammond abruptly shuffled his folders, tapping them on the table to straighten them, thus signaling that the meeting was over.
"Okay," Hammond said. "We'll send another probe through straight away. Make sure everything's good to go. We'll send your team through as soon as Tery'ka's finished talking with our men."
The To'kra nodded towards the general as everyone else got up to leave. Tery'ka glanced over at the colonel briefly before following Janet and the general out of the room, but Jack remained where he was. He was already scribbling on his notepad, listing what he would need for the mission. He had thrown himself into the task and didn't realize that Teal'c and Carter were still standing there.
"O'Neill."
Jack looked up and was startled to realize that the two of them were standing by the end of the table.
Teal'c turned questioningly to Carter, who nodded.
"What is it ?" Jack asked seriously, tapping his pencil on the table.
"What of Daniel Jackson ?" the Jaafa asked quietly.
The pencil stilled.
"What of him ?"
Carter spoke up softly. "I think... I think we should tell him what's going on, sir."
Jack placed down the pencil carefully, as if it was very important. He leaned forward, lacing his fingers together in front of him.
"I'm not taking him through the Stargate, Major."
"I'm not saying we should make him come with us. He's in no condition for that, of course. He's only just starting to recover from his wounds. I just..." The woman paused. "He needs to know that we need him to remember."
"Do we ?"
Sam started. She looked over at Teal'c with mild concern before turning back to the colonel.
"Uh... yes, sir. I think we do."
Jack swiveled on his chair, turning towards his teammates.
"Daniel can't remember."
"He doesn't want to remember." Carter repeated what Janet had told her. "There's a big difference."
The colonel was silent, waiting coolly for her to continue.
"Daniel hasn't come to grips with what happened to him yet, sir," she went on. "But if we're there to help him-"
"How is forcing Daniel to remember going to help him ?" Jack asked coldly.
Sam winced at his tone.
"We have to be ready to ship out in a few hours, Major." The colonel turned his chair away.
"Sir-"
"Carter !" Jack snapped. He calmed down slightly before he spoke again, his eyes losing their harsh blackness. "Look, this isn't something we should be discussing right now. After the mission, we'll all sit down and really have a go at the situation, okay ?" He looked back down at his notepad, realizing that he hadn't written anything down usable at all and wondered why that was. "This isn't something we can just march over and demand out of him, Carter." Jack glanced up at her, his mouth pressed to a thin line. "He needs time."
The other two looked doubtfully at the colonel. Jack sighed.
"We can't waste time here either," Jack murmured. "And I know you want to get out there and help your father." He winced inwardly when he saw Carter stiffen. It was a low blow and he knew it.
"Yes sir," Sam said stiffly. She turned on her heel and started to leave.
"Major ?"
Sam turned back slightly when Jack spoke.
"We will talk about this when we get back. Okay ?" Jack paused. "Okay, Carter ?"
She smiled softly then, her shoulders relaxing, the stiff posture gone.
"Yes, sir."
Jack nodded, turning back to his papers and tried to concentrate on the task at hand. He looked up again when he felt that there was still someone watching him. Jack shook his head ruefully when he saw Teal'c had not left yet.
"Still here ?"
"I do not understand," Teal'c confessed. Jack looked surprised.
"Huh ?"
"About your fears."
Jack frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You are hesitant to help Daniel Jackson." Teal'c tilted his head slightly, as if to consider Jack more carefully. "You are... not yourself."
"Not myself ?" Jack commented wryly, lifting an eyebrow at those words. "What do you mean ?"
"You have always confronted Daniel Jackson on many issues," Teal'c went on, still standing by the end of the table as if at attention. "You are often very forceful in your... interactions with him."
"Forceful ?" Jack smiled slightly. "Is that what I am ?"
"It is for his welfare."
Smile fading, Jack leaned back into his chair, rocking it slightly.
"So I'm forceful, huh ?"
"As you see necessary, O'Neill," the Jaafa reminded him. "But... I do not see this right now."
The chair stilled.
"And you think that's a bad thing ?"
"Daniel Jackson needs your help, O'Neill," Teal'c said abruptly. "Major Carter and I can not aid him as we wish to, but Daniel Jackson very often relies on your strength. You can help him."
"My strength," Jack murmured.
"Yes."
The colonel sat there, fingering his pencil. Teal'c just stood there, looking comfortable with the silence between them. He seemed content to wait quietly, biding his time patiently for a response from the man seated in front of him.
"Do you believe in ghosts ?" Jack asked abruptly, remembering Daniel asking him the same thing a short while ago.
Teal'c paused, raising an eyebrow at the question.
"Ghosts ? Do you mean spirits, O'Neill ?"
Jack nodded.
"I believe something remains when all things cease to exist," Teal'c said carefully. "A part of the ka."
"Ka ?"
"The spirit," Teal'c translated. "Daniel Jackson once told me that your... old Egypt once believed in such a thing."
"So you believe there are spirits ?" Jack asked with a slight grimace.
"I believe there are things which we can see but can not explain."
"Memories strong enough to be spirits, perhaps ?" Jack asked.
"Perhaps." Teal'c looked thoughtful as he continued. "I sometimes see the people I made suffer while under Apophis' command. They may be memories. They may be-"
"Ghosts."
"Perhaps."
Jack chewed his lower lip.
"Daniel once asked if I believed in ghosts. I said I didn't."
Teal'c nodded.
"I lied."
The Jaafa looked silently at Jack. The colonel sighed, crossing his arms, suddenly looking very old, very tired, his eyes staring at a space behind Teal'c.
"Maybe they're memories. Maybe they're ghosts. But they are real, Teal'c. Sometimes I can't see them, but I can hear them, smell them. But not all the time."
Jack turned his seat, so that it was facing the glass once more. But he didn't get up, to look out through the window at the Stargate below.
"They would pop up suddenly or at least they did, in the past."
Jack's eyes darkened.
"You see them now," Teal'c stated, rather than asked.
"Daniel doesn't remember." Jack ignored what Teal'c had said. "There're no ghosts for him." He tilted his head up towards Teal'c. "I hope he doesn't have to experience that."
"You do not believe you can help Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said suddenly.
Jack looked startled. He smiled sadly.
"For an alien who claims he knows nothing of our strange ways, you're pretty insightful." Jack sighed heavily, the chair underneath him creaking softly. "Teal'c, if his ghosts come back to haunt him, I may not be able to help him."
"You have always helped Daniel Jackson in the past," the Jaafa reminded his friend.
"Doesn't mean I can help him with this in the future."
"Have you no faith, O'Neill ?"
Jack narrowed his eyes.
"This isn't about faith, Teal'c."
"I believe it is."
"It's about me being able to help him." The colonel's mouth pressed into a thin line. "Not about some faith in religion or some higher being."
"That is not what I mean." Teal'c stepped in closer, turning towards the Stargate as he continued. "When you first showed up in Chulak and declared that you could help my people..." Teal'c paused. "It was about faith then." He turned to look at Jack, his eyes very solemn. "But not faith in a god." Teal'c bowed his head towards Jack, a slight smile towards the colonel as he remembered that day long ago. "It was faith in a Tau'ri who dared to defy a god many had not dared to question for hundreds of years."
Stunned, Jack could only watch his friend leave. Teal'c paused at the door.
"That is my faith, O'Neill." And with those words, Teal'c left.
The colonel chewed his lower lip, turning Teal'c's words over and over in his head. Deep in thought, he didn't hear Janet come in until the door closed behind her.
"Colonel O'Neill ?"
"For crying out loud," Jack said wearily. "What is this ? Open house ?" He turned towards the entrance, stiffening when he saw it was Doctor Fraiser. "What do you want ?"
"I should be asking you that question, Colonel." Janet walked over and sat down on her usual seat at the table, to the right of General Hammond's. She folded her hands in front of her, acting as if it the meeting was taking place all over again.
"I would have thought you would want to be with Daniel for a while before leaving for this mission."
"Have to prepare for what we'll need," Jack said curtly, picking up his pencil to prove his point.
"So he doesn't know." Janet didn't ask. She knew.
Jack scribbled away on the notepad.
"Are you going to tell him ?"
"He's not going." The colonel didn't bother looking up.
"That wasn't my question, Colonel."
Jack's fingers tensed and suddenly, the pencil snapped. Janet sucked in her breath, trying not to let that action deter her.
"I think Daniel needs to know what's going on. And I think he needs to hear it from you."
"I'll talk to him after the mission," Jack muttered.
Janet looked at him coolly. "I think you should talk to him now."
Looking up, his eyes were dark.
"You think ?"
The doctor nodded.
The colonel slowly, deliberately got up, bracing the heel of his hands on the table, leaning forward a bit, his eyes narrowing on her face. Janet stared back steadily.
"You think ?" Jack repeated. "You think, she thinks, he thinks..." The colonel snorted softly. "Did anyone stop to consider if *Daniel* would think the same ?"
"I know Daniel is reluctant to try and-"
"Reluctant ?" The colonel gave a bitter laugh. "You make it sound like he's doing this to himself-"
"In cases of heavy trauma-"
"He is not a case ! Damn it, this is not some case in a medical textbook where the cure can be found on page nine !" Jack's voice rose as his arms trembled under the strain of supporting most of his weight off the table. "He has a name !"
"I know." The doctor's voice was whisper quiet. "But I also know that sooner or later his memory is going to return, with or without our help. What I want to know is... what are you going to do when that happens ?"
Jack stared at the doctor.
"Me ?"
"Are you going to push or are you going to dance ?"
The colonel stared at Janet like she had gone mad and started jumping about on top of the table.
"What ?"
"Are you going to help Daniel remember everything and come out of this intact, or are you going to avoid the issue like you are doing right now ?"
"I am not avoiding the issue," Jack replied stiffly. "He needs time-"
"Or maybe..." Janet was hesitant to volunteer the suggestion. "Maybe what he really needs is to go back." The colonel's hands bunched into fists briefly as he took a deep breath. "I'm not saying now. Maybe later, when it's safe to go back. It could jog his memory," the doctor continued. "It could be overwhelming at first, but with your help, he could get ov-"
"Out of the question !" Jack paced around a small area near the conference table, his hands alternately stuck in his pockets and crossed in front of his chest. He glared across the table to Janet, still sitting there stiffly with her own hands folded neatly on the table in front of her.
"You can't expect me to take Daniel back to that place." Shaking his head against the idea, the colonel stopped at his end of the table, slamming his palms down the surface of the table. "What makes you think going back there would do him any good ? Have you seen him ?" Jack's voice rose a little. "Have you see him every night like we do ? For God's sake, there isn't a night when he doesn't wake up screaming !"
"I know th-"
"No !" Jack pointed at her angrily. "No, you don't ! You don't know what he's going through. This... memory loss may be the best thing that has happened to him so far !"
"I know I can't possibly imagine how he must be feeling, how it must feel to wake up and find yourself in such a cond-" Janet swallowed. "But I do know that avoiding the issue, not confronting what has happened to him can only make it worse. You of all people should understand that-"
Jack's eyes narrowed again and Janet blanched as she realized that she had ventured somewhere she shouldn't have.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean ?" Jack's voice was low, but it held a deadly edge that made Janet wish she could take her words back. Too late to retract, to retreat, she pushed on.
"I know about Cromwell." Janet stood up, looking Jack squarely in the eye. She flinched inwardly as she saw the smouldering rage inside the eyes. "I know about those four months-"
"You had no right-"
"It was part of your medical files. I had to look through them after you got caught in that explosion trying to plug that black hole. I saw the reference and made the connection-"
"That wasn't your connection to make !" Jack thumped his fist down on the table so hard, the glasses in the center jumped. The rattling of fragile glass sounded like screams as they landed back precariously on the table.
"Maybe if you talk to him about your experiences, make him understand-"
"Understand ?" The man glared at her. "Understand what ? You're the smart one round here, Doc. Maybe you can explain it to me because none of that garbage ever made sense to me back then !"
"I know it must have been difficult to put it behind you-"
"You have a way with words here !" Jack interrupted her with a snort. "Understand ? Difficult ? Do you want to know what's difficult ? It's people so goddamn sure that they know what's best for us, using that condescending tone when they speak, the pity that just oozes out of them like slime!"
His voice rose higher, the table practically shaking under his palms.
"What the hell do you know about difficult ?" Jack asked, taking a deep breath. He was trying to ignore the white face in front of him, concentrating on the throbbing pain in his knuckles. "Talk ?" Jack laughed bitterly. "Sure. I can go up to him and suggest we play a game of let's-compare-our- experiences-in-hell. That would make Daniel feel so much better !"
"He needs to remember." Janet couldn't hold back any longer. "This amnesia is not due to a blow to the head or similar trauma. This is caused by Daniel's mind and only that..."
Jack slammed another fist down on the table, making Janet jump.
"Can you blame him ?" The colonel ran a hand through his hair with one jerky motion. "He's pretty much guessed what happened to him already-"
"Guessed ?" Janet asked in a stunned voice. "Guessed ? Do you even realize what he might be guessing at, colonel ? He knows what happened to him. He's not guessing at anything. He knows ! He's denying it !"
"And what the hell is wrong with that ?" Jack shouted back.
"Daniel's terrified." The doctor's voice lowered, her eyes softening as she looked at the man. "He's denying it all because he's scared and he doesn't know why. He can't avoid this. It's just going to build and sooner or later it's going to flood out and take him with it."
Janet's eyes misted over, remembering how the young man looked, when she had walked in on one of his nightmares, seeing the stark fear in his eyes before Jack could calm him down.
"He's going to drown."
The colonel shook his head. Janet stood there, watching Jack's head drop, his eyes returning to the table.
"You're probably the only person who can help him now... Jack," the woman said softly.
The colonel crossed his arms, turning slightly away from the table, from her. Janet saw Jack's chin jut out with an angry look. The air in the conference room suddenly felt hot, heavy, almost suffocating. She took a deep breath.
"If he knows... knows he's not alone, he'll feel secure enough to remember and deal with it."
"You don't... deal with it, doctor," Jack said in a tight voice. "Stuff like this doesn't get dealt with. It gets shoved away."
"But it's not forgotten."
The man looked at her out of the corner of his eye, as she spoke, making him look feral. He didn't say anything, but at least he wasn't yelling anymore.
"It's never forgotten," Janet murmured. Despite her low voice, the words carried clear to the colonel. "Isn't that right, colonel ?"
"What the hell do you people want me to do ?" Jack asked harshly. "You want me to go up to Daniel and say sorry you feel like shit, but I got to put you through hell again. But trust me, it'll get better after we put you through it all over again ?"
"Yes."
The man looked at her, his eyes narrowing to slits.
"You've got to be kidding me. This is some new sick form of treatment ?"
Fraiser stiffened. She could understand the anger and could even forgive it's misdirection towards her, but it didn't stop the burning feeling of frustration that was knotting up in her chest. That knot pushed up at her and came through her mouth in the worst words she could possibly say.
"How dare you call yourself Daniel's friend ?" Janet hissed before she could stop herself.
Jack froze.
"You're the only person he'll probably listen to in this entire base, this entire planet at this point and all you can do is shove him back, ignore his obvious need, deny his agony !" The doctor stalked over to him, stopping in front of him. Despite the fact Jack towered her a good few inches, she glared at him. "He is absolutely terrified and probably feeling very alone-"
"He's not alone-"
"Yes, he is !" Janet shouted in spite of herself. "Because all Daniel hears is how it's okay, how everything will fix itself, but things aren't getting better, they're getting worse !" The doctor jabbed a finger at Jack's chest. "And you are being so goddamn selfish ! You're letting him sit there, feeling this way, just because you don't want to deal with it !"
Jack started as if he was slapped. In a sense, he had been. Janet sighed, horrified at what she had said.
"Damn you, Colonel O'Neill." She looked at him, disappointment clear in her eyes. "I would have thought that you of all people, would want to help Daniel."
With that, she turned from Jack and began to walk away.
"How the hell do you expect me to help Daniel deal with something *I* never could in the first place ?" Jack asked suddenly, in a dull voice.
Turning around, Janet saw Jack take a seat again. He didn't look at her, turning the chair to face the window. She saw his shadow across the wall. It looked thin, stretched, almost fading.
"I'm not going to be any help to him, Doc," Jack said in a soft voice, the anger, the defensive tone gone. "I have my cracks." Jack looked up at the ceiling now. "I'm not perfect. Not everything I say will be a cure all. Hell, I wouldn't even know what to say."
"Tell him."
The colonel was silent.
"I'm not asking you to compare notes here, colonel. I'm asking you to share something with him, let him share your pain and he'll let you share his."
"Words are useless in shit like this, Doc," Jack said wearily. "They never worked. Something like this can't be described with words."
"But you can see it so vividly," the woman added gently. Jack turned back to her.
"Yeah," Jack admitted finally. To his surprise, the room didn't melt away into a featureless cell, the silence didn't suddenly become filled with screams. He blinked at the walls.
"I'm not trying to be cruel here... Jack." Janet came over and took the seat next to him. "I swear I want to help Daniel. He's not just a patient. He never was." Her eyes looked sad. "No one here can ever just be a patient to me. Not in a place like this. Daniel most of all."
"That's what makes you so good, Doc," Jack quipped wanly, a small smile showing up on his lips. Janet smiled back at him.
"Not good enough, I'm afraid," she sighed. "Not good enough to help Daniel. He won't listen to me. And I know he won't listen to Doctor Mackenzie-" She paused when she saw Jack stiffen. "I'm not saying I'm going to have him transferred to the Mental Ward, Jack."
"He's not going there. Not again," Jack grated out, his posture straight again.
"He's not. He won't..." Janet looked at him steadily. "That is... if you help him."
"How ?" the man choked out.
"I think you'll be able to figure it out."
"Couldn't before."
Janet reached out and touched Jack's clenched hands briefly before pulling back again.
"He'll listen to anything you say. Start with that."
She got up, studying the thoughtful expression on the man's face - Janet smiled briefly again and knew that it was truly okay to walk away now. As she left for the door, she heard Jack speak again.
"Do you... believe in ghosts, Doc ?"
Pausing, Janet didn't turn around. She looked at the room, wondering how many had walked out through this doorway, had passed through her infirmary, and how many got to walk back into this room again.
"Yes." Janet was surprised at herself. But she did believe in such things. "I guess I do." The doctor turned around to look at Jack once more. "I have no cure for ghosts... Jack. They're just... there."
"Can't make them go away," the colonel said numbly.
"I don't think we're supposed to, even if we could." With that, Janet left, shutting the door behind her.
Jack watched the doorway, mulling over her words. After a moment, he got up and left the room, looking very determined.
Return to me.
Daniel started, looking frantically around the room. His breathing quickened as he saw a pair of eyes glowing within the last remaining shadows of the room. Hands shaking, Daniel reached behind himself and turned the light dimmer switch higher. The shadows shrank and he thought he heard shrieking.
Return to me.
There they were again, on the other side now, hiding underneath the chairs shoved against the corner.
Return to me.
Twisting the dimmer switch further, Daniel was dismayed to find out that the light was at it's brightest. The shadows were still there, still lurking around him, hiding something. He couldn't remember what it was, but he knew it had to be horrible.
"Daniel ?"
The voice came from above him and he jumped, almost falling out of the bed until a pair of hands grabbed him firmly by the shoulders. Daniel fought, knowing the shadows were returning, trying to catch him unaware. He kicked wildly, his arms and legs flailing, trying to break free of the grip. They were stronger than he was. They always were. He was never strong enough to fight them. They always took him back. Always...
"Daniel !" A sharp slap to his cheek and Daniel's head whipped back. Stunned by the blow, he sagged. The owner of the voice shook him by his shoulders and he lifted his head wearily.
Jack.
The revelation that it had only been Jack made his spine turn to water and Daniel nearly collapsed into his friend's strong grip, sobbing with relief. Then, as he felt the arms hesitantly wrap around his shaking shoulders, Daniel tensed and pulled away.
"Sorry," Daniel mumbled, feeling his cheeks flush under Jack's concerned gaze.
The colonel said nothing as he sat down on his usual chair. Daniel breathed heavily, trying to calm his hammering heart, as he sat there on the bed. He half wished Jack wasn't here to see this, all the while hoping that his friend would stay.
"Bad dream or something ?"
"Or something," Daniel murmured. He sat up straighter, rolling back his shoulders a bit to push back the dull twinge of his back's stitches. Jack noticed this and wondered briefly if he should call a nurse over.
"How's the back ?"
"Um... good. It's fine. Can move around a bit." Daniel answered in a dull voice as if he was commenting on the weather, rather than his wounds.
Damn, this is harder than I thought, Jack sighed mentally to himself, leaning into the familiar padded back of the chair. As he did, the man noticed the stack of files on the bedside table. Neat handwriting, which he recognized as Carter's, scrawled notations on a piece of paper, placed on top of the pile. They were trying. Can't say that much about myself right now.
"Daniel-"
"I'm a bit tired," the young man said abruptly, shifting so he could slide down to lie down on his bed.
"Daniel."
Something in Jack's voice made him look up. The older man looked intently at Daniel, dark eyes boring into him. As if he could see. As if he knew.
"What ?"
Daniel turned his eyes away from Jack's stare, fidgeting a little, caught between sitting up and lying down. Finally, Jack reached over and gripped his forearms with a firm hold that for some reason Daniel thought would shatter the bones. The grasp was never tight, just steady as always, but Daniel couldn't stop himself from yanking free.
"I'm trying to help you sit up, Daniel," Jack said quietly and reached out again. This time, Daniel let Jack lift him up slightly to lean against the pillows. He could have done so without Jack's help, but his heart was hammering so fast, it felt as though it would explode if he made too much movement on his own.
"I'm tired," the young man said once more, wincing inwardly at how lame it sounded.
"And we need to talk." Jack paused. "About what happened."
"Happened ?" Daniel flinched when he heard how shrill his voice sounded. "I don't know what you mean, Jack."
"I think you do."
No, no, no. Please. Just leave me alone. No. Wait. Don't leave me alone. I... what is wrong with me ? I can't make up my mind ! Just leave me alone and don't.
"Daniel ?" Jack frowned when he saw Daniel's breath quicken, the pale bandaged hands clutching the fabric of his blankets. "Hey." He touched Daniel's hand and was startled as the young man turned to him, eyes wide. "Hey. It's just me."
"What do you want me to say ?" Daniel choked out.
Jack shook his head.
"Wait. I'm going about this all wrong." Jack sighed, ducking his head a little while he gathered his thoughts. He felt Daniel pull his hand away and his chest tightened. He could almost sense Daniel was far away, out of his sight, like in missions where Jack would have to crane his neck to see the young man.
Daniel watched Jack's shoulders slump and for a moment, concern took over any fear that welled up inside him. He leaned forward a little, then hesitated. A small sound of frustration escaped his lips before he could stop himself. Daniel couldn't think of anything to say. The sound made Jack look up. He saw the confusion in Daniel's eyes. Deciding to take the plunge,
Jack took a deep breath.
"We're going back, Daniel."
Daniel didn't even need to ask what the hell Jack was talking about.
"No..."
He paled drastically, shaking his head.
"I can't..."
Jack muttered a soft curse.
"Sorry. What I meant was... I'm going back. Not you." Not yet, that is.
"No..."
Jack was puzzled by the response. He would have thought Daniel would be relieved that he wasn't going.
"Daniel ?"
"You can't." The voice sounded faint. It reminded him of the barely audible voice Jack had heard when he first went into the cell and found Daniel there.
"One of the To'kra came through the Stargate before," Jack continued, forcing his voice to stay calm. "He was with Carter's dad-"
"Jacob ?" Daniel's head lifted, his mouth part-opened in shock.
Nodding, Jack was encouraged by the question.
"They heard... heard about what happened." The head went down again. "They were over there to investigate. They found the place. Where you were-"
Daniel just nodded, his eyes pleading with Jack to not continue that sentence. The older man couldn't ignore the request. He coughed a little and went on.
"As they were leaving, they were ambushed and forced to split up. The other To'kra... Tery'ka... he got back to us, but we think Carter's dad is still out there. Maybe even captured by whoever did this to you. They're not in the original place we found you. Tery'ka thinks there's another underground place that we've missed and wants us to... Daniel ?"
Jack stopped again when he saw Daniel stiffen. Alarmed, he reached out to steady him but the young man shrank back.
"Another ?" Daniel croaked out.
Jack nodded.
"Daniel, we-"
"You can't go back there," Daniel blurted out. Jack looked at him in surprise.
"What ? We-"
"You can't !" Daniel abruptly surged forward and grabbed Jack by the wrist, his grip surprisingly strong. "There's... I..." He blinked, looking very confused.
"What is it ?" the older man asked quietly.
Daniel ducked his head, letting go of Jack's wrist.
"I... I don't know. I just have this feeling..." He flushed. It looked odd, the spot of red against white cheeks. "Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Of course you have to g-go back. Sam's dad may need your help."
"Actually," said Jack, steeling himself. "We need yours." Daniel looked up.
"I checked with Tery'ka. He was talking with Sanders and the others. They don't remember ever going to a second place, but they think-"
"That I would know," Daniel finished dully.
"Do you ?"
"No."
"Daniel-" "I don't."
"Stone and Tesh remembered times when they saw you being taken to another room instead. Could it have been to the other-"
"I don't know !" Daniel shouted. "I don't ! I... God ! What do you want from me ? I told you I don't remember ! Why do you keep on... I thought you said it was okay ! Why now ? Why ? You didn't want me to remember before !"
Jack flinched as if Daniel's words were a physical blow.
"I-"
"I don't remember, Jack." Daniel bent forward, dropping his head onto his drawn up knees. He winced at the pull of the stitches on his back, but the urge to curl up and hide was far greater. "I don't, Jack. I'm sorry. I just... d-don't."
Jack stood up. He placed his hands on Daniel's shivering shoulders but the other man didn't lift his head.
"Daniel. Look at me." Jack gave Daniel's shoulders a shake. "Look at me !" The young man's bleary eyes turned upward. "What do you see here ?"
Daniel blinked.
"What ?"
"What do you see here ?" Jack repeated.
"My r-room," Daniel whispered, his eyes glued to Jack's.
"You're not looking."
Daniel swallowed.
"I don't understand, Jack. What are you trying to say ?"
"What... do... you... see ?"
Shaking his head, Daniel looked down at his lap.
"I told you. My room."
"Look up, Daniel," the older man said firmly. "Do you really see your room ?"
"Y-yes."
"Look up, Daniel."
"N-no."
"Why not ?" Jack squeezed the shoulders under his palms, feeling his throat tighten as he felt the tremors. God, Danny. I'm so sorry. "What do you see ?"
"J-jack-"
"What do you see ?"
The shivering increased, to a point that Jack's hands began to slip off Daniel's shoulders. The colonel tightened his grip, leaning closer to Daniel.
"What do you see ?"
"Jack... don't..."
"Come on, Daniel. Tell me."
"I told you..."
"Daniel !"
His head snapped up as Daniel shoved Jack away with a strangled cry. Jack caught the other man's wrists before a fist could make contact with his chin. The scientist screamed, twisting, trying to get free, but Jack's hold was strong.
"Daniel !" Jack's sharp voice stilled the man and he hunched over again, his hands still above him in Jack's clutches. It reminded Jack of the shackles they had found at that place and he dropped Daniel's hands in a flash. The colonel softened his voice. "Daniel."
"Blood," Daniel choked out. "I see blood."
Jack closed his eyes briefly.
"It's... it's my blood..." Daniel shuddered. "It's so dark, but I can see it... I can... s-smell it... I tried... turning on the lights, but... but..."
"It's still there." Jack sat down on the edge of the bed.
"N-no..."
"You still see it." Jack waved toward the lights. "That's why all the lights are on, because you tried to get rid of it."
"N-no-"
"Dammit, Daniel ! Look at me !" Jack grabbed him by the forearms, giving the man a stern shake. "Look around you ! See what's there !"
"No !" Pale arms shot out and shoved Jack so hard he fell back off the bed. Stunned, Jack sat there as Daniel cast teary eyes on him. "Why ? Why are you doing this ? Why can't you leave this alone ?"
"Daniel, you need to rem-"
"I DON'T REMEMBER !" Daniel screamed.
One of the medics passing by heard the noise and opened the door to the room. Jack whipped his head around at the intrusion.
"Is everything okay ?" he inquired.
"Get out !" Jack demanded as he got up to get over to Daniel again.
"B-but..."
"I said get out ! Get the hell out of here !" Jack stalked over to the door and slammed it none too politely in the man's face. He turned around and to his dismay, Daniel was pressed up against the back of his bed. "Daniel, you have to keep your back-"
"Get away from me," the young man said in a tight voice.
Jack blinked.
"What ?"
"Get... away from me. Leave me alone."
Jack shook his head.
"No. I'm not leaving you alone. Not without this being settled."
"There's nothing to settle. I don't remember. Leave me alone."
"I can't."
"W-why ?" Daniel cast sorrowful eyes towards his friend. "Why are you doing this to me ?"
"I'm trying to help-"
"Help ?" Daniel gave a strange laugh. "You're helping me ? This is help ?"
Jack looked at Daniel solemnly. Shaking his head, Daniel rubbed his face with his hands.
"Just leave me alone, Jack. I'm tired."
"We need to talk about this-"
"There's nothing to talk about !" Daniel shouted, waving his hands. "Nothing ! Leave me alone !"
"Daniel-"
"Get out !"
Jack took a step closer. The young man glared at him, hands curling into fists.
"Get out !"
"I'm not leaving here until we-"
Daniel stumbled out of the bed. Before Jack could rush forward to help, Daniel staggered forward, crashing into the bedside table. The pile of folders tilted a bit. He shoved away Jack's hands.
"Get out ! Leave me alone !" The young man pushed Jack away from him, crashing into the table once more. The colonel reached out to help him but it only enraged him more. "Stop it !" Daniel stumbled away from his hands. "Just leave me alone. Please ! Just get out !"
"Daniel-"
"You bastard !" Daniel seethed. "Why can't you just leave ?"
"I'm trying to help-"
"I don't want your help !"
Jack grabbed him by the shoulders before Daniel could twist away. The young man struggled desperately, but a frustrated cry escaped his lips when he couldn't.
"I don't want your help !"
"You're going to get my help whether you want it or not !" Jack roared before he could stop himself. He reeled back in shock when Daniel blanched. "Oh God, Daniel. I'm sorry, I-"
Taking advantage of the moment, Daniel shoved Jack away, succeeding in breaking free. He ran into the table and the folders brushed against his hip. Daniel grabbed a few and flung them angrily at Jack. The man just stood there as the papers flew across the room, landing on the floor silently.
"Get out." Daniel's voice was no longer loud. He slid down to the floor, his knees turning to water. "Leave me alone." He pressed his head down to the bed, turning deliberately away from his friend.
"I'm going on this mission, Daniel," Jack said quietly. "And when I come back, we're going to talk. Even if I have to stay locked up in this room with you. For as long as it takes."
Daniel ignored him, pointedly staring at the wall in front of him, kneeling down on the floor.
"I'm not leaving you alone here," Jack continued, his voice hoarse. "Because I know what it's like."
The shoulders tensed, but Daniel still wouldn't turn around.
"You know what I see ?" Jack glanced around the painfully bright room. "In here ?" His eyes wandered back to Daniel. "I see stone walls, Danny. I see bars on a window, dirt on the floor. Everything looked dirty. Everything smelled dirty. You couldn't wash it out. Just standing there gave you the sense of filth."
The colonel's voice lowered as he saw the room flicker. "Just standing there... sitting there... for four months..." Jack saddened when he saw Daniel didn't turn around. "I know what it's like. I swear to you. I do." Jack rubbed his eyes and was startled to find his hands were shaking. "I tried turning on every light there was, but it never goes away. Not this way. Not your way."
Jack thought he heard a sound from Daniel, but the young man wasn't moving so he thought he was mistaken.
"You're going to remember, Danny. Whether you want to or not. So no... I'm not going to leave you alone. Even if it means..." Jack swallowed, trying to push back the lump in his throat. "If it means you'll hate me for the rest of your life."
Jack stood there for a little while longer but when Daniel made no effort to turn around, his shoulders slumped. Quietly, he turned around and opened the door. The colonel looked back once more, but the kneeling figure did not move so he left.
Just as the door closed, Daniel lifted his head, mouth opened as if to call to Jack but when the door clicked, he laid his head back down on the bed again, his fists clenched tightly.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Colonel O'Neill ?"
Sam and Teal'c stood outside the room, having been notified by someone about the noise. Janet stood a few feet away, studying the colonel silently.
"Well..." Jack found his throat to be dry for some reason. "That went... well."
"Sir." Sam stepped forward.
"We have to get ready for the mission, Major." Jack lifted a hand to stop whatever she was going to say. "We can't waste any more time."
"Daniel-"
Jack looked back through the glass in the door - he could still see the mess of papers littering the floor, the hunched over man by the bed.
"Give him time." Jack looked back at the rest of his team. "Give me time. We... I... started this. I'm going to finish it. Let's just get this mission over with. Get your father back." The colonel shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed. "The rest will come after the mission."
Sam and Teal'c looked at each other doubtfully. Jack had to restrain himself from snapping at them.
"Do we have any choice ?" Jack said instead. "The clock's ticking."
"Yes sir," Sam murmured. She nodded towards Janet, glanced back towards the closed door and went down the hall to get her gear ready.
Teal'c paused in front of Jack. He nodded slightly towards Jack, his dark eyes understanding and then he left too.
"Hey Doc ?"
Janet stayed where she was.
"Yes ?"
Jack touched the surface of the door with his fingertips.
"We gotta go."
Jack ran two fingers up and down the metal face, fingertips brushing against the rough surface of paint on the door. He looked very torn, reluctant to leave now. Smiling sadly, Janet nodded.
"I'll watch him," she whispered. "We'll be waiting."
Nodding, Jack turned away from the door, away from Janet and went down the hall. But Janet caught the anguished look on his face before the man turned the corner.
"We'll be waiting," Janet murmured again.
SG-3 and the remainder of SG-1 stood in front of the ramp, watching the MALP probe make its way slowly up to the activated wormhole, in no rush to reach its destination. Judging by the anxious looks on the soldiers' faces, the tense expressions on the faces of the people up in the observation room, it was going too slow for their liking.
"How about I go over there and give it a push, sir ?" Anderson muttered to Johnson.
"I could help you, Terry," Booker volunteered with a wry grin.
The SG-3 commanding officer just grunted as he checked on his men's gear. He nodded towards Major Carter and Teal'c, signaling that everything checked out. The woman nodded back absently, her eyes glued to the probe despite the blinding sparkles of the event horizon. As soon as the probe disappeared, everyone turned to look towards the observation room.
Jack, with his arms crossed, stared at the glass panel, watching the meter scroll across the panel, beeping as it charted the probe's journey. When it stopped at the dot that represented the planet designated P7J973, the technician announced that it had arrived. Now everyone's attention was on the monitors as one of the technicians began to maneuver the camera on the probe through radio control. The computer screen flickered once, then focused, revealing the stone platform of the Stargate on the other side. In the distance, a faint row of trees lined the horizon.
"There," Tery'ka said, pointing towards a road leading away from the Stargate. "We traveled this road and found the first structure underground."
General Hammond nodded.
"Any idea where the second one may be ?"
"Your men provided no clues. And your Doctor Jackson... would not talk to me," Tery'ka said stiffly.
Jack scowled at the remark but said nothing. His eyes narrowed as he looked at the screen.
"Do you remember which direction the guards were coming from when they ambushed you ?"
"They came from behind. From where, I do not know."
"General Hammond."
The three men turned towards the stairway. Smith and Tesh were standing there at attention, dressed in their fatigues.
"What is this ?" Hammond asked quietly, darting a surprised look over at the colonel, who shrugged. Saluting, Smith motioned towards his teammate Tesh.
"Permission to join the mission, sir."
"You're on stand down," Jack reminded them softly.
"Sir, we may be able to assist. If we could just see that place again..." Smith glanced over to his comrade, who nodded. "I'm pretty sure we could remember something that may help."
"I can't allow you to just-"
"General Hammond. Sir," Tesh finally spoke up. "We would like to get right back into action, sir. This happened to us. I would like to know why."
"Sir ?" Jack murmured.
"What does Doctor Fraiser say about all this ?" Hammond asked.
"Doctor Fraiser doesn't like it." A wry voice spoke up from behind the men. Janet Fraiser emerged from between Smith and Tesh. "Not one bit, but their wounds are completely healed due to this nimertha. They are physically fit for duty, General Hammond."
Jack raised an eyebrow towards the doctor. Janet frowned.
"I didn't say I liked it." She sighed. "But I also understand their need to go back." Janet pointedly looked at Jack as she spoke.
"They could be helpful, sir," Jack murmured. "Give us an advantage."
General Hammond pursed his lips as he thought it over. He eyed the men, barely standing still as they tried to stare forward at attention. He smiled briefly. These were his men. His people. There was a reason why they were here. Hammond placed his trust in that.
"Alright, but at the first sign of trouble, I want these men back here. Understood ?"
"Yes sir !" Smith and Tesh chorused.
Jack smiled at them before turning back to Tery'ka.
"What can we expect over there ?" he asked Tery'ka. "What was their manpower ?"
"There were many Jaafa on the surface, but I could not track where they were from. No one guards the Stargate."
"Any type of airborne craft ?" Hammond asked as he eyed the monitors. The probe scanned left and right. No sign of anyone. Heat sensors were picking up nothing.
"None. Just the guards."
"We've got the forest for cover as we did last time. Circle around the abandoned village, stay within cover, and we should be okay, sir," Jack muttered as he checked his watch. "Twenty four hours, sir ?"
"Agreed," Hammond said. "Send back a signal in twenty four or we will assume the worst."
The colonel nodded curtly. Assume the worst meant either risking more reinforcements or locking out their signal. Jack looked down into the embarkation room. After what had happened to the first team who went through to P7J973, it would mean the latter.
He followed Tery'ka out to the stairs, silently looking at the doctor as he did. Janet's eyes followed the man until he disappeared down the stairs. The To'kra went ahead of the colonel as Jack slowed his steps to let Smith and Tesh catch up.
"You guys sure about this ?" Jack asked under his breath.
"It's our best chance, Colonel," Smith murmured back. "I didn't get a chance to check on Doctor Jackson, but I saw what they did to Major Sanders and Stone." The man's lips thinned into a white line.
Tesh spoke up next to Smith. "We need to go back, sir."
Jack stopped them with his hand.
"This isn't about revenge."
The two looked back at the colonel steadily.
"Are you sure about that... sir ?"
Frowning, Jack narrowed his eyes.
"I'm not going to take you through with me in that frame of mind. We're here to rescue General Carter."
"Finding the assholes who did this would be the free prize inside the Cracker Jack box. Right, sir ?" Smith muttered.
Jack looked at their faces and saw something in their eyes that he had seen in his for the past few days. And he understood.
"We want to find out why this happened, sir," Tesh added, trying to explain their motivation.
"There may not be any answers over there," Jack warned.
"Hell, if I wanted answers, I wouldn't have worked here then," Smith grumbled. "I would have gone to work in a library."
Jack grinned crookedly. He clapped Smith's shoulder.
"Let's go," he said, then stepped away and picked up the pace down the stairs.
"Colonel O'Neill ?"
The man looked up and found the two soldiers were still standing there looking a bit embarrassed now.
"What ?"
Smith and Tesh suddenly stood up straighter. But it was Smith who spoke up.
"We would like to officially apologize, sir... for trying to... uh... kill you."
Smith and Tesh looked at each other sheepishly before turning back to O'Neill. Jack shrugged, smiling dryly.
"Apologies accepted. Matter over. Happens all the time. I 'm just a popular guy."
With that, he waved at them to hurry up. The two soldiers grinned at each other before quickening their pace to catch up.
The bulk doors opened, letting them in and Jack accepted his backpack from Carter. Checking everything quickly, Jack gave a thumbs up towards the observation booth. Hammond leaned towards the microphone.
"SG-1. SG-3. You have twenty-four hours. Find out what you can and be careful out there. Good luck." He turned to the technicians by the computers. "Dial up the address."
The men watched stoically as the chevrons lit up one by one again, the wormhole bursting into life after the last one locked. Jack waved a salute towards the observation booth, then motioned the others to move out.
One by one, the men disappeared into the event horizon until finally it came to Jack's turn. To everyone's surprise, the colonel stood there at first, just inches away from the Stargate. He turned back around, looking towards the embarkation room. Something strange flitted across his face as his eyes found Doctor Fraiser still standing inside the observation booth, but he turned back to the Stargate before anyone could see clearly. Then he squared his shoulders and dove in.
+++++++++++++++++
As usual, the arrival was abrupt. No matter how many times Jack went through the damn thing, the end of the ride always had him skidding a bit before stopping. When he did, he automatically whipped around with his rifle, checking to see if everyone was here. The others stood there, down one step on the platform, looking at Jack expectantly.
"Okay." The colonel made his decisions quickly. "Johnson, you go ahead with the plan and take point at the edge of the forest." He nodded towards the distant line of trees. "It'll provide you with the best cover and a clear view of any... unfriendlies coming in. Smith, Tesh, you're with us. Carter, you and Teal'c take point. Tery'ka, it might be better if you were behind them. I'll take rear. Dan-"
Jack froze. Carter looked at the colonel sympathetically but said nothing as Jack tried to recover. Luckily, it didn't look like any of SG-3 had noticed the slip.
"Let's go," Jack said gruffly. He readjusted his grip on his pack before following behind Tery'ka. Johnson murmured good luck as the team went by SG-3 before barking orders to his own men.
"Okay ladies, pick up your gear and let's go. Booker, get that rover back through the Stargate. We don't want to leave anything around for them to know they have guests. Tomes, we need that radio antenna up fast before we're forced to use smoke signals. Anderson, get that perimeter wired."
Jack didn't hear the rest of the orders, knowing full well that Johnson had the situation well in hand. He nodded towards the others and they silently made their way towards the path into the forest.
+++++++++++++++++
As expected, they had arrived.
Eyes shone with displeasure when the orb showed the new arrivals. One of the arrivals was as they had expected, but the one person they had also wanted was not there, and this made the eyes glow bright with rage.
"Mistress." A Jaafa approached those eyes, the leader seated on a throne in the midst of gilded walls etched with hieroglyphics. Bowing slightly to pay his respects, the First Prime waited for her signal to give him permission to speak.
"What is it ?" the melodic voice demanded.
"The Tau'ri have returned with the Tok'ra who had escaped."
"I do not see the other."
"Nor do I, Mistress. I expect they may not have brought him because he was too gravely injured."
Hissing, the leader slammed a slender hand down on the armrest of the throne. Her Jaafa took a step back.
"This is unacceptable !"
"I am sorry, Mistress," the Jaafa mumbled his apologies. "But the one you wished destroyed is here. Surely-"
With an abrupt move, the leader lifted her hand, revealing the large gem within her palm. It lit up with a fiery red glow. The Jaafa gasped as it's deadly gleam touched his forehead. His knees buckled and the Jaafa's massive frame dropped to the ground before her.
"It is not enough !" the leader snarled. "*He* must be here !" The gem silently burned brighter, increasing the agony within the warrior.
"M-mistress..." the Jaafa garbled as he felt his insides twist and coil. The whites of his eyes were showing. His hands cramped up into claws as his body shook with pain. "I beg... f-forgiveness... I did not mean..."
"Get me the Tau'ri I seek. I will deal with this myself !"
With that, she flicked her slender wrist, releasing her hold on him. The Jaafa stumbled away, terrified of the slight figure on the throne, his feet spurred on half by fear and half by loyalty. As the footsteps faded away, she turned back to the glass orb in front of her. Wavering images of the humans making their way through the forest made her hiss once more.
"I will have my revenge, Tau'ri and I will have what I deserve. You will pay for what your betrayal and the last thing you'll see before you die will be the fruits of my labors ! We will truly enjoy seeing the expression on your face as you realize our plan !" The leader tilted her head and laughed, the sound of it carrying out to the hallways of her ship, buried deep underground.
"There." Tery'ka pointed to the top of the ridge. "I was there with Selmac before the ambush. We separated there. I went down the path we are on right now and he went towards the back of the village."
Carter glanced in the direction the To'kra was pointing. She noted the smoke floating above the trees.
"Sir, something's burning over there."
"The village is in that direction," the To'kra whispered.
"Why are they burning it after it has been abandoned for so long ?" Sam whispered, but the To'kra shook his head, not knowing the answer to that.
Jack narrowed his eyes at Tery'ka. There was something wrong. He just couldn't put his finger on it.
"Did you find anything in that place ?" the colonel asked.
"Nothing of importance."
"And what is important to you ?" Jack asked in a stiff voice. That little feeling grew to full-blown paranoia. Carter and Teal'c exchanged a surprised look.
"Sir-" the Major began.
"The village was deserted. It was in ruins. Nothing remained that would provide us with clues," Tery'ka replied in a flat voice. His eyes glowed a little as he turned towards another direction. "Our best hope is to return to the first area." The Tok'ra glanced over at the two other soldiers, who were looking intently around to make sure no one was following.
"Smith, Tesh. We're going to head back to where we had found you." The colonel looked questioningly at the two. The larger man, Smith, nodded.
"Think there's a way to the other place through there, Tery'ka ?" Sam asked. The To'kra shrugged one shoulder.
"There is... that possibility," Tery'ka said vaguely.
Jack scowled.
"Okay people. Let's head out back to the first site. Smith. You and Tesh follow behind me. Teal'c, watch our backs. Keep radio contact with Johnson every two hours or so."
With that settled, the group headed out, unaware of an observer tracking a few yards behind them.
++++++++++++++++++
You know what to do.
Daniel gasped, lurching forward as he was suddenly awake. He blinked as the room blurred before him. Lights and colors blended into a strange mist.
Return to me.
"Stop it," Daniel muttered.
He bunched his fists and pounded at the bed below him. That was when he realized he wasn't on the floor any more. The young man flushed when he realized that someone must have come in when he fell asleep on the floor, picked him up and placed him back on the bed. Daniel pounded a fist on the bed once more.
It meant that they were checking on him. It meant... that they weren't leaving him alone.
Frowning, the man looked around and found the scattered papers were neatly stacked up again, placed in a pile back on the bedside table. No sign of what had happened before, of words said and unsaid, or of the door that closed after he basically told one of his closest friends to get out of his life.
Moaning softly, his anger fled, Daniel dropped his head into his hands.
What am I doing ? What am I doing ?
Return to me.
Daniel jerked, looking up with wide eyes. He whipped his head around, ignoring the wave of nausea that movement created. Nothing.
No one was here.
No glowing eyes.
No soft spoken voice.
It wasn't her.
Daniel jumped again.
Her ?
Who was he thinking of ? He frowned, trying to concentrate, but his hands trembled again, his vision blurred and his head pounded. So he abandoned the attempt.
Return to me.
The man shuddered. It had sounded louder this time. He couldn't distract himself with anything. The white walls and pinprick glow of the machines did nothing to abate his fears. The lights were turned on to their fullest, but Daniel still felt the overwhelming shadows. They were towering over him, taking all the air with their presence, leeching all the light away, hovering over him, smothering him-
Daniel stumbled out of the bed, his chest heaving. He clutched the edge of the bed until he could regain his footing. Gasping, he looked around.
Still nothing.
But he felt it. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.
Daniel rested his head on the edge of the bed, too tired to try and summon the strength to straighten his knees to lift himself off the floor. He closed his eyes, mentally trying to distract himself with his own voice. He tried reciting the alphabet. When that didn't work, he tried doing it in Greek, but his mind was spinning so fast, he couldn't figure out what came after mu.
"I know twenty three languages," Daniel said to himself, laughing strangely, "and I can't remember what comes after mu...."
Return to me.
"Stop it," Daniel hissed. "Stop it !"
The bathroom beckoned to him from afar, the sink sure to provide cool water to wash the dirt, the grime away from his skin.
Pushing up with his hands, hissing as sore wrists ached from the strain, Daniel got up. He wobbled a little, having relied for so long on others to help him get to from one place to another. After a few hesitant steps, Daniel was pleased to find himself not crashing to the floor again. It felt like a huge feat and he was half tempted to just stand there and enjoy the moment, but then he blushed.
"So I walked. Big deal," Daniel muttered, disgusted with himself again.
I should have been walking in the first place. I may trip and stumble, but it's under my own steam.
"Watch it, Doc," Stone muttered, one hand already reaching out to catch him, but it wasn't necessary. Daniel righted himself quickly enough. The scientist looked sheepish as he tilted back his hat.
"You're almost as bad as Jack," Daniel joked as he continued down the path leading to the village. He could already see the tops of the broken down roofs. He quickened his pace eagerly.
"Doctor Jackson !" Stone called out and Daniel thought with a smile that no matter where he went, someone was bound to sound like Jack the moment he wandered too far. So he stopped at the edge of the path, the light that was breaking through the thinning trees warm against his back.
The soldier ran up, a little breathless from running in order to catch up with him.
"Colonel O'Neill would have our hides hanging up in the embarkation room if anything happened to you."
Daniel frowned at the words.
"Jack hasn't been bothering you guys, has he ?"
Grinning, Stone shrugged.
"Nah. Just threatened us all with bodily harm if something happens. That's all. The usual."
Daniel chuckled.
"Sorry."
"Hey. It's no big deal. Just hurry up and have your fun with your rocks-"
"Artifacts."
"Uuh huh... Colonel O'Neill warned us about your quirk with that."
Shaking his head, Daniel continued on to the clearing.
"It's not a quirk," he muttered. Stone must have heard, because he laughed softly as he followed behind him.
The structures in the village were relatively intact. Daniel puzzled over the sight of brown colored huts mingling with the brighter colored ones.
"Social structure ? Upper caste ? Lower caste ?" he murmured.
"What ? Did you say something, Doctor Jackson ?"
Daniel waved Stone off, already lost in thought. He was beginning to wish that he had more equipment, or at least more manpower. Then they could have started marking off possible dig areas. But this was only a secondary reconnaisance, before any proposals could be made to the General on whether or not the site was worth their time at all.
"Weird," Daniel muttered as he poked at the dark-colored ash on the ground. If he hand't known any better, he would have sworn that was new.
"What are you doing ?" Stone asked curiously as the young man began to scrape paint off one of the huts.
"Stuff," Daniel muttered, ignoring the soldier as he studied the brown layer underneath the paint he chipped away.
"Stuff ?" Stone repeated dubiously.
Daniel waved him off again as he scribbled down some of the inscriptions he found scrawled on the walls. The soldier behind him sighed.
"Stone, you still there ?"
The radio came suddenly to life. Smith's voice, garbled, came through.
"Stone, can you read me ?"
The soldier pulled out his radio and answered.
"Yeah, Smith. Jackson's in front of me, doing... stuff."
Daniel rolled his eyes but went on to the next wall, turning the corner of the hut to follow the line of inscriptions.
"Stuff ? Is that the technical term ?" The voice on the other end sounded amused.
The words in the inscriptions were disjointed, as if newer sentences were written over the old. Daniel noticed the faint outline of washed-off words and wondered why they would do such a thing.
"Well that's how he put it. I asked him and sort of mumbled something when... what the hell ?"
Daniel's head whipped up, his mouth dropping open when he heard the whine. He knew that sound. But before he could even put a name to it, he felt strong arms grabbing him from behind, wrenching his arms painfully back. Daniel didn't have a chance to cry out because suddenly, a foul lukewarm liquid was filling his mouth. The anthropologist choked, trying to spit it out.
"Stone ?"
The radio now on the ground, crackled out an inquiry. Stone dropped it as he threw one guard over his back and shot the other. But there were so many. The soldier turned to tell Daniel to run for it, but it was too late.
"Stone ? Hey, John ?"
One heavy metal boot stomped viciously at the radio and it was destroyed, the last words from Smith cut off.
Daniel tried to twist away but one of his captors kicked him in the back and he fell to the ground. He coughed as the liquid trickled down his throat. He could only watch as Stone fell to the ground, blood flowing out of his mouth and ears. The soldier twitched a little, sparks dancing across his limp body. Daniel looked up and saw the zat gun snap back into a smaller shape after firing.
"Idiot !"
A blow to the back of the guard had Daniel thinking it was help arriving, but the rest of the guards suddenly went down on one knee.
"He is useless to us now !" a voice shouted, the whish of skirts following.
Daniel struggled, trying to break free of the grip that imprisoned him, but a stomp on his ankles sent him stumbling again, his face slamming into the dirt.
"Do not harm him ! You ! Let him up ! And you ! Wait for the others. They are sure to come now !"
Blearily, Daniel looked up and saw pale feet, adorned with gems around the ankles. Swallowing, he strained to lift his head. A hand suddenly grabbed his hair, stretching his head back. Daniel gritted his teeth, preventing the cry that was threatening to come out. But the pain was so intense, tears filled his eyes, blinding him to the voice that approached.
A gentle hand caressed his cheek.
"Good. We are pleased to see you. There is so much we need of you." A cruel laugh filled his ears. The hand wandered down to his neck, touching briefly over the jugular vein. "Your heart beats fast. Are you so glad to see us ?"
"N-not... really," Daniel managed and got a slap in the face for that. The hand behind him pulled back even further and for a second, Daniel thought the guards were going to snap his head off. It felt like it, as his neck muscles bunched up like red angry cords, his shoulders hardening into knots.
"You have learned his tongue too well. I will have to change that." The voice was harsh now. "Give him some more."
Before Daniel could even figure out what the voice was talking about, he felt large hands reaching into his mouth, prying it open. He struggled, clawing at the hands, but there were so many of them. Kicking at the surrounding legs got him nowhere except closer to the ground. He shouted angrily at them, but one just laughed before a cold metal rim clanged against his teeth. It tilted and the same foul-tasting liquid flooded the caverns of his mouth.
"No..." Daniel garbled, spitting some of the liquid out until one guard boxed his ears. Dazed, he couldn't stop them from pouring in more and more. He was drowning, he couldn't breathe, but if he tried to breathe, he would have to swallow...
Ironically, his eyes cleared of the pain-filled tears the moment he swallowed the liquid, and he saw the faint outline of a person standing in front of him, watching the guards force the potion into him. The person grew clearer and Daniel's eyes went wide. He gasped as the guards grabbed at his throat, forcing his mouth shut with their massive hands, and he had no choice but to swallow. But his eyes weren't wide because of that.
It was because of the person in front of him. And as his vision faded away, he started screaming for Jack in his mind...
Daniel staggered back, his hands lashing out to fight off his assailants. When his palms met only air, he stopped.
"Oh God," he choked out. It felt so real. Even now, he could taste the liquid burning the insides of his throat, his chest heaving as it did back then. He wasn't trying to remember. Why did this memory come upon him ? On its own ?
Return to me.
Daniel groaned, knuckling his eyes to clear the last of the images away, begging them to stay away, whatever they were. He eyed the bathroom once more. It looked so far away now. But the need to wash away the foul taste in his mouth was greater.
Taking a deep breath, the young man made his way slowly towards the bathroom again. He reached for the bathroom door for support, causing it to swing shut in front of him.
Cursing it, Daniel stopped at the sight of his reflection. He swallowed, remembering the angry looking scabs from last time. His eyes locked on his own face, seeing the marks along his hairline, but he didn't dare touch them. Something about them scared him. They were there because...
Daniel closed his eyes, shaking his head angrily at himself. He was letting his own reflection spook him. He opened his eyes again...
And screamed.
Glowing eyes overlapped his blue ones.
Stumbling, Daniel fell back onto the ground, gasping as he clawed behind him for a weapon. He felt the sharp corner of something flat and he turned around to see what it was.
A photo.
Daniel whipped his head back towards the mirror, but the eyes were gone.
You're imagining things. It wasn't real. It wasn't real.
Daniel wheezed, breathless, too winded to try and get up. His hands clenched and something in his right hand crunched. Remembering the photo, Daniel lifted his hand up, seeing the glossy paper curled in his fist. Loosening his hand, Daniel looked at what it was and blanched.
It was one of the photos inserted in the field report. The serious tanned face of Major Sanders stared back at him, unblinking, unmarred with the cuts and bruises he now carried from that mission.
"Hey, get away from him !" Sanders shouted as the other guard approached the shackled figure hanging from the ceiling. "Hey ! Over here, you bastards ! Over here !"
Daniel shuddered, feeling the very air move as the large warrior came closer. He bit his lower lip, trapping the whimper within, but his body betrayed him and started shaking again. It knew. Even if he tried not to think about it. It knew what the guard held in his hands, the thick coil that had bitten into his back before.
"You son of a bitch !" Sanders roared, trying to distract the guard, to get him to come over there instead. "Over here ! You want a fight ? I'll give you a goddamn fight ! You little piece of shit !" Chains rattled as the Major unsuccessfully tried to reach the center of the room, to the guard, but the chains attached to the wall were too short.
"What will it be ?" the voice asked softly, the hand trailing down the center of his collarbone, lazily making circles on his chest with long fingers. "Yes or no ?"
The price was too high. Daniel knew it. They all knew it. But... but...
"Yes or no ?"
Everything hurt.
"Yes or no."
Where's Jack ? Where is he ?
Daniel's swollen eyes looked away from the leader, to the door. He wasn't there. He never came.
It's been... days ? Weeks ? How long ?
He never came.
That other person. The one who stood there watching them beat him. That wasn't him. That wasn't Jack.
"He won't come to save you."
Lies.
"He belongs to me now." The voice laughed.
Lies. All lies.
"The pain will only continue. He will not help you."
Lies. They... they had to be lies.
"Yes or no ?"
The guard stood over him now, one hand shaking the chains and manacles on his bleeding wrists.
"Yes or no ?"
Yes.
"N-no," Daniel whispered.
"Thirty to the other," the voice hissed and the guard moved away.
"No !" Daniel cried out louder, trying to turn, to plead with the guard as the Jaafa stepped away and towards Sanders. "No ! Please ! Leave him alone !"
Daniel shut his eyes when he heard the first scream.
Eyes flew open and Daniel flung the photo away. He could feel the bile building in his throat, threatening to choke him. He swallowed hard, looking around the room again. He could still hear Sanders. And Smith. And Tesh. And Stone.
All screaming.
Telling them to leave him alone. Because he was too weak to do it himself.
Screaming when he said no.
Screaming when he said... yes.
He couldn't stay here.
The room was too small.
There was no air.
He couldn't stay here.
Too many shadows.
Too dark.
He couldn't stay here!
Daniel lurched to his feet and staggered half dazed to the door. He wrenched the knob open and escaped from his room.
The smell was what got to him first.
Jack stopped himself from reeling back when they arrived back at the same ivy covered archway, the only sign that there was something down below. Teal'c, normally able to maintain a passive face, grimaced at the smell, too.
The air reeked of death.
It reeked of decaying bodies.
It reeked of dried blood.
"Shit," Tesh muttered, unable to contain himself as he covered his nose with the end of one sleeve. He glanced over to his friend, who just made a face and took a step back.
Jack darted a look over to Sam, pointing to his face with a circling finger. The Major understood completely, undid the straps of her backpack and began pulling out her gas mask. The other soldiers copied her, donning the camouflage gear over their heads. She passed one over to Tery'ka, who refused.
"I do not require protection," he said, not taking the mask she offered.
Teal'c lifted an eyebrow towards the Tok'ra but said nothing as he too took the gas mask and fitted it over his face. It was more for blocking the smell, than anything else. Normally Teal'c wouldn't have been bothered by such trivial things, but his mind wondered how much of the blood spilled was of his comrades and decided he no longer wished to smell the repulsive scent.
Jack gave his group a quick once over. Satisfied that everyone was ready, he motioned everyone to follow behind him and Teal'c. One by one, slipping under the thick veil of greenery, they entered the complex once more.
++++++++++++++++++++++
It was lucky for Daniel that the guard posted by the end of the hallway was taking a break to get some coffee. Otherwise, he might have been stopped.
He couldn't stay in the room any longer. The walls were beginning to look dark, towering over him, the ceiling appearing further and further away from his sight. He had to leave.
But where was he going ?
Daniel hobbled a little, leaning against the wall in the hallway, feeling foolish now.
There really was no place for him to go. He couldn't go to his bunkroom, the temporary quarters he slept in on days when he was working too late to catch a ride back into town. The idea of sleep no longer appealed to him.
The cafeteria was definitely out. The idea of food nauseated him to the point that he could throw up just from the thought of it.
So Daniel went to his office.
Although the room he had crammed all his belongings into was nearby, just down the stairs, it took what felt like forever to reach it. Every step he took, Daniel winced, wishing he had at least thought of bringing some shoes to wear. Although the bandages had been taken off, the burns on his soles were still sensitive to the cold concrete floor. Daniel was just glad that he had been wearing his robe already, otherwise the prospect of wearing just the paper-thin hospital gown would have almost been enough to make him turn back.
Almost.
Daniel breathed a sigh of relief when he reached the door. With a little push, the door swung open with ease, the lights still on, probably from the last time he had been here. He never bothered locking the door, not at all worried that anyone would want to steal anything. The only person, if any, who bothered to come in here would have been...
Jack.
But he wasn't here right now.
Just like before.
Daniel frowned, wondering why that bothered him. Why he was concerned about the fact that Jack hadn't been there the whole time, the two weeks...
No, he said it was only three days.
No memories came to him, that could tell him how long it was. But somehow... somehow, it felt longer. Daniel could feel the length of time, dragging on his legs and arms like iron weights, pulling him down to the ground, dragging him to the floor-
He needed to sit down.
Daniel reached the chair in front of his computer before his knees finally gave out. Shakily, he sat down into the padded seat. As soon as he did, Daniel dropped his head onto his crossed arms.
After a few seconds like that, he blearily looked up and at his room again.
The office was quiet, as he always needed it to be when he stayed here late at night, as he often did, doing translations for some team or another. He had deliberately chosen the far corner, the end of the row of labs where traffic would be sparse. The peace and quiet provided him the perfect sanctuary for him, when the ache of Sha'uri's absence was too sharp, or when a mission ended too disappointingly, too tragically to just be resolved with a good night's sleep.
But it was too quiet now. And yet he didn't want anyone to come in either.
Daniel rubbed his eyes wearily, wondering to himself what it was he wanted exactly.
Wanted to be left alone.
And I was.
So why is my heart hammering so loud ?
Daniel turned around, his eyes studying every artifact, every piece of cracked pottery, the books and the furniture, trying to detect anything or anyone lurking. Nothing. His usual stuff was there - scattered notebooks, numerous cups full of pencils with the ends chewed, and empty Styrofoam cups from his coffee binges by the sink in the center-
One of the cups wasn't empty.
Frowning, Daniel wondered if he had left a cup there before leaving for the mission, but he couldn't recall being back here in the office before departing. Then again, he didn't remember leaving for P7J973 either.
Daniel rolled his chair over to the desk in the center of the room and took the cup, still half filled with the light colored liquid. He gave it a cautious sniff and realized it was coffee with milk.
I drink it black.
Of that much, Daniel was sure.
Only Jack drinks it-
Jack.
So Jack had been here, in his office. Judging the light stained line on the cup, it couldn't have been too long ago.
When they came back with me ?
Daniel eyed the cup, turning it around with his hands. Somehow, the thought that Jack was here, even if days before, made him feel a little better. He set the cup down, by the computer station. The young man looked at it thoughtfully, wondering if Jack had been seated on the very chair he occupied now, drinking the once warm coffee, staring round his office.
He had told Jack to get out.
He had refused Jack's help.
Sighing, Daniel dropped his head back onto his folded arms. He rested like that, on top of the desk, the edge of the computer keyboard pressing against his forehead-
"Daniel ?"
With a gasp, Daniel sat up, his arms up to ward away the enemy. But all he heard was a startled gasp, his chair rolled back into one of his bookcases, rattling one of the vases stored there until it fell to the floor, shattering into a million pieces.
"Daniel."
Blinking, he focused on the fuzzy image of short brunette hair, warm concerned eyes on him, and the white lab coat that could only mean-
"Janet ?" Daniel called out faintly.
Nodding, the doctor sat down on the other chair, one hand on his shoulder to steady him, taking advantage of the touch to gauge his condition. She felt the minute shivers of a shoulder too thin for her liking. But Daniel must have suspected her intentions and he shrugged away her hand, pretending to move his chair a bit to give her room.
"What are you doing down here ?" Fraiser asked, a mild reproach in her voice. "Came by to see how you were doing and saw you were gone." She didn't mention the fact that the sight of the empty room nearly made her ring the alarm before realising he might be down in his office.
Daniel shrugged again.
"Wasn't tired. Felt kind of bored sitting in that room."
Bored and freaked out when the room began to lose its air, its light. That's all.
If Janet suspected there was more to it than that, she didn't say. Instead, she looked around the room.
"It's like a museum in here," the woman remarked.
Daniel just shrugged again. Mentally sighing, Janet pulled out the glasses she found left on the bedside table, holding them out to him.
"Thought you might want these."
Daniel stared at them impassively.
"Might help you see better," Janet suggested.
"To see what ?" Daniel asked dully.
"I don't know," Janet said lightly. "Some magazines, a book. I could get you something to read if you're that bored."
Maybe a file or two, Janet added to herself. She moved the glasses closer when Daniel didn't reach for them. She gently placed them over his face, resting the frame on the bridge of his nose.
It slipped over his eyes like a second skin and despite its metallic design, was a lot lighter than he had first thought. But it was only a thought because the jolt of shock that raced through the visor, into his temples made him jerk in pain.
It became the only thought in his mind.
The pain.
Had he ever known anything else besides it ?
Was there anything else ?
Another jolt and he screamed, forgetting why he wasn't supposed to before. Forgetting that he had an audience. That he was supposed to fight this.
Another jolt.
Another scream.
He was losing.
The question was asked again. The hand stroked damp strands of hair as it did. And he shook his head.
Another.
He shook his head.
Another.
The visor was tainted gold and silver, hugging the sides of his head tight until his eyes squeezed such from the discomfort, but he still saw his prison clearly in its dull stone gray and tempered rust hues on the floor.
Another.
The walls were turning red now.
The floors vanished.
Another.
His arms, hung up and forward, were turning to black. They were turning to stone, unmoving, frozen to that very spot...
Another.
"God !" That word came through clearly.
"Do you see him standing there ?" the voice asked. "Do you see him watching this and doing nothing ?"
Another.
"He is not the one you know any more."
Colors. They're all changing. They're melting away, blending in front of him.
"He orders the pain for you."
Red. It's mostly red now. Like blood, like water, spreading to the floors, oozing towards him with hungry appendages waving towards his chained ankles.
"He deserves to die."
Concentrate on the colors. Just look at the red coming closer. Just look at it making its way up my legs, devouring every bit of sensitive flesh, the pain disappearing with it.
"You will say yes."
Just look at the colors.
Another.
All the colors vanished in a blink, into a screaming blast of white light that seemed to explode from behind his eyes.
"Yes or no ?"
"Y... yes..."
Daniel jerked back, one hand coming up to slap Janet's hand away. His glasses were wrenched free from his face by the blow and fell to the floor with barely a sound. Daniel found himself skidding back on his chair a few inches before finally realizing that the room wasn't dark and that he was no longer chained to anything.
Janet stared at her friend with shock, watching as the wave of emotions crossed his face and fled so quickly that she thought she was mistaken. But the telltale tremble of his long fingers told her otherwise.
"Are you okay ?"
"Sorry," Daniel mumbled, ducking his head. "You startled me."
Janet knew she did no such thing but she didn't correct him as she bent over and picked up the glasses again. Silently, she offered them to Daniel again. This time, the young man accepted them, folding them neatly on top of the keyboard.
"So... ready to go back, yet ?" Janet asked softly. Daniel stared at his glasses. "Maybe we could wander down to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat."
Daniel ignored her question.
"How long ?"
Fraiser blinked.
"Huh ?"
The young man looked up with wide eyes.
"How long before they return ?"
"Twenty four hours, Daniel."
"Twenty four," Daniel repeated dully. "So... Jack's going to be back..."
"Tomorrow evening," Janet finished. She eyed Daniel fingering the keyboard. "You don't look too thrilled about that."
Daniel looked up sharply.
"What are you talking about ?"
"I mean... you seem... anxious," the doctor commented.
Something seemed to shut down in Daniel's eyes.
"I'm just concerned... about them going back there."
"You don't want them to go help General Carter ?"
"No !" Daniel shot to his feet. "That's not what I mean ! I..."
"I think you're more worried about when they come back," Janet continued softly. "About who you'll see when they come back."
Daniel stopped in front of his bookcase, listlessly running a finger across the edge of one of the shelves.
"You don't want to talk to Jack ?"
Shaking his head, Daniel didn't reply as he picked up a picture of himself, sitting on a camel, the pyramids behind him. He was so young then. The picture was almost ten years old. It felt so far away. And the person in the picture was a virtual stranger to him. It was disconcerting. The face he looked at often, recognizing as his own, was an unknown to him now.
So who was he now ?
"Daniel ?"
Blinking, to his chagrin, he realized that his eyes were brimming with unshed tears. Pretending to cough, he brought his hand up to cover his mouth, covertly thumbing away the embarrassing moisture.
"Daniel ?" Janet was behind him now. She eyed the picture over his shoulder. "That's you ?"
Daniel nodded numbly.
Janet chuckled softly.
"That camel... how can you even sit on top of those creatures ?" She pretended to shudder. "They're higher than a horse !"
"They're actually okay. If you think they're big, you should have seen the mastadges back on Abydos-" Daniel stopped. Abruptly, he set the picture back down on the shelf a little too hard and the rest of his stuff jumped.
"Daniel-"
"I have to remember, don't I ?"
The young man's back was still to Janet as he leaned forward and rested his forehead on the edge of the shelf, paying no mind to the dust there.
Janet paused.
"I mean... Jack said I needed to remember..." Daniel took a deep breath, turning around finally. His hands waved slightly in the air in a weak gesture, a pale imitation of what he used to do. "I... I might know things, but I can't seem to remember anything at all."
Liar, Janet thought but she didn't say this out loud as she gently took him by the elbow and guided him back to the chair. Daniel didn't resist as he sat down again. He looked sleepy, but as though he were struggling very hard to stay awake.
"Daniel... this isn't just about information, about what you might know. It's about you finding out what exactly happened-"
"S-smith... and Tesh," Daniel blurted out. "They went back, didn't they ?"
Nodding, Janet opened her mouth to say something when Daniel looked down to his lap, fiddling with the ends of the robe's ties.
"I'm sorry."
"What ?" Janet leaned forward, taking his hands in between hers. She rubbed them together, dismayed at how cold they were. "What's there to be sorry about ? Daniel ?"
"I'm sorry," Daniel mumbled again, his shoulders slumping a little.
Janet couldn't think of anything to do. His hands felt so chilled yet he wasn't shivering. Her heart ached and suddenly she realized how Jack must have felt. How hard it was to push when the man before them was getting smaller and smaller, further and further away.
"I-I'm sorry," Daniel whispered, his voice fading away as fatigue pulled him down to sleep.
She didn't know how to respond. Janet had never felt so helpless as she was now. Watching Daniel made her painfully aware of how little she could do, how little had been done and how much more there was to do. It felt like a battle they were already losing, but she yearned to do something, anything to ease her friend's pain.
Janet hooked one hand over the back of Daniel's neck, pulling him forward. The man didn't resist, too tired to even realize what she was doing. Fraiser positioned herself, letting his forehead rest on her shoulder. She moved her hands, one to cup the back of his head, the other on the small of his back and Daniel still didn't resist. Instead, he seemed to slump forward.
"...s-sorry."
"It's okay," Janet murmured, her own eyes now moist. "It's okay."
TO BE CONTINUED...
© September 30,1999 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.