"From what we can figure," Sam went on, feeling the same cold creep up on her, "Some sort of feedback…maybe an energy burst, short circuited the rings just as they were transporting you."
Jack winced as he felt the gauze wrapped loosely around his forearms and he could feel the heavy binds on his back. He felt a bit of a pull when he tried to turn around but that was all.
Seeing his self-inspection, Carter coughed awkwardly as she explained.
"You got a short charge because of it and got a little…uh…singed."
"Ya think?" Jack raised his eyebrow at her. Sam managed a smile at that. He sobered and nodded towards Daniel silently.
"No burns…at least…no new ones…you covered him from most of the damage."
"What about-" Jack hedged, waving his hand weakly. "What about that nim something?"
"Janet said Smith didn't have any in his system due to a zat blast rendering his system unsuitable to produce the nimertha." Sam smiled briefly. "Just like the nishta, a short electrical charge would get rid of it permanently. So whatever was left is totally gone now, sir."
"Daniel broke through her conditioning, nimerty-"
"Nimertha, sir."
Jack shot her an exasperated look. "Yeah. Nimertha or not. He beat it." The older man didn't smile though with the thought of that victory. It didn't feel like they won anything here.
She paused.
"What?"
"He's been awake the whole time, sir."
Jack frowned, looking back at his friend. Daniel didn't move at all from that position.
"He…he just won't talk to us, sir." Sam's voice wavered. "He just…I know he sees us…at first Janet thought it may have been blindness due to what happened but he his pupils responded to light, but he…"
"Major."
Sam swallowed. "Do you remember when Jolinar died, sir? Those days after that?"
Jack nodded. How could he forget? That bleak look on his then Major's face was disconcerting. It was actually worse than the look of spite and arrogance she had when that Tok'ra was inside her.
"It's like…he just refuses to hear us." Sam looked down to her lap, trying to calm herself. "I tried talking to him…about anything…he wouldn't even speak to me, or turn to look at me."
"Daniel Jackson only responded once." Teal'c spoke up, Sam glared at him, telling him to be quiet.
"What?" Jack asked as he tried to sit up higher. The woman looked away from him and it was making him nervous. The Major cast her eyes on Daniel again and for a long moment, she didn't say anything. Finally, she turned back to Jack.
"He…woke up right after we got back and…" Sam sighed, running a hand through her locks as she did. "He…panicked, sir."
"Doctor Fraiser?" One of the medics called out quietly from the opposite side of the infirmary.
Sam saw Janet looked up from her examination of the colonel. "He's waking up?"
"Yes, Doctor."
The Major followed after the doctor to where Daniel was, in a curtained off area for some privacy, Teal'c still standing guard by his bedside. The young man was moaning softly, his head shaking left and right as if he was denying something.
Or someone.
"Daniel?" Janet called out softly, one hand on his forehead. "Daniel? It's Doctor Fraiser."
The archeologist just moaned again, his brow furrowing at the voice.
"It's okay, Daniel. You're back within the SGC."
Eyes fluttered open, glazed, and the young man stilled. They leaned forward anxiously, all quiet as they wait for him to recognize them. Sam opened her mouth, about to call her friend again, try to tell him that everything was going to be fine, but the man stiffened. Daniel suddenly bunched up his fists and screamed.
Surprised to see tears in her eyes, Jack pretended not to look, turning his eyes away as she finished.
"He kept calling for you. We couldn't get him to calm down. I tried to tell him that he was safe, but he nearly passed out when he saw me and Teal'c." Sam sniffed, controlling herself, although her hands were folded tightly on her lap. "We…Janet was going to put him in a private room, but we thought maybe staying here, where he can see you, would help."
Jack nodded, feeling his chest tighten and it wasn't because of his bandages.
"He's been pretty quiet after that."
"Ah hell, Jackson." The colonel whispered. He shuffled a bit and got off the bed, shaking off the two's offer to help. He swayed a bit, spots dancing in front of him.
"Be careful, sir. Janet said you have low blood pressure from the shock. You really shouldn't be up."
Jack shot her a glare and she quieted. The two stayed back as he made his way over to the bed in not quite a straight line. Gingerly he sat down on the chair next to it. It was a good thing he did, because he might have dropped to the floor from what he found.
Eyes staring blankly out seeing only he knows what, Daniel didn't acknowledge the new visitor. His hands clutched tightly around the edge of the blanket, Daniel huddled there, curled underneath the sheet, looking pale and quite small. Jack was almost afraid to come any closer. It was like if he did, the sound alone would shatter the fragile form before him.
Jack softly called out Daniel's name. It took him a few times, but he saw the eyes move, the pupils focusing. Jack tried again, this time tapping Daniel's tightly clenched hands with a finger. It was like using a key. Awareness flooded into Daniel's eyes and the shallow breathing picked up.
"Hey, Danny." He smiled sadly at his friend.
Daniel blinked.
"Came to see how you're doing." Jack felt strange, pinned under the piercing and silent gaze of his friend. He shifted a bit, wincing as he felt tenderness on his upper back.
The young man remained quiet.
"Daniel..." Jack looked right at him, keeping his face stern. "We need to hear you. To know if you're okay."
Blink blink.
"Do you understand us?" Jack asked softly. He felt a chill running up his spine. All Daniel was doing was that damn blinking, half-concealing his dull eyes. The colonel never thought he would see the day when he thought Daniel was too quiet.
The young man pressed down harder onto his pillow, half his face covered by the sheets.
"Daniel. I need to hear you." The colonel said, stressing it, his eyes pleading with his friend. "Please? You understand us here?"
"Y-yes..." The young man whispered, eyes downcast as if he was ashamed to speak.
Jack ignored the two suddenly sitting up. Teal'c must have heard Daniel speak. He shook his head just a little, telling them to wait.
"Do you...remember me?" The colonel asked, leaning closer to Daniel's face. "Huh? Daniel?"
"Y-yes..." That came out choked. As if it was unfortunate that he did.
"How about Carter? And Teal'c?"
Daniel just nodded now.
"And what about..." Jack suddenly found a lump in his throat. "What about...before?"
Daniel tensed.
"Daniel-"
"N-no..." The archeologist's voice cracked at the word and Jack wasn't sure if he was answering or denying the question. The young man fell silent, refusing to say any more. He closed his eyes, but Jack could tell he wasn't sleeping.
"We'll talk later. Okay?" Jack said softly but the scientist didn't reply. Sighing, feeling like the room had turned dark as if someone had turned off the lights, Jack got up wearily and stumbled back over to the remaining members of his team.
+++++++++++++++++++++
The gun recoiled in his hand. The sound of the departure of the bullet didn't quite conceal the scream of the victim it struck. The scream sounded so familiar, so maddeningly familiar.
It felt hot.
Very hot.
Burning...into his palm...tattooing, branding him...with her mark. He could smell the burnt flesh where the metal scalded him. A permanent mark that could never be washed away, a mark that will forever bleed and ooze, tainting him until he was no more.
He was hers.
He was hers.
He could never get away. She said that much.
He'll never be able to escape.
The mark was still bleeding, its stain covering him, coming up at him, surrounding his body, up to his head, covering his eyes, his mouth, his ears. He tried to scream. He tried, but it came flooding into his mouth and ate his heart. He can't speak in his own voice any more.
Help...
I...
I'm not me any more.
And suddenly, he was drowning.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Jack turned his head sharply as he heard a muffled sound coming from the bed. So he did what he had been doing for the past two days, he leaned over and touched Daniel very lightly on the shoulder. He made the mistake of grabbing him by the arm one time and the young man gave out such a shriek that it shocked him out of his chair, sending Jack tumbling to the floor.
The touch triggered a set of shivers and then the body stilled. Shifting, the head turned and blue eyes wearily looked at Jack.
"Hey." Jack smiled tiredly. "Bad dream. Thought I would wake you up."
Blink blink.
It was getting a bit unnerving. Jack had to stop himself from snapping, demanding that Daniel speak up. He had only heard few words from him, clipped short replies but nothing to anyone else. He refused to speak, not even to Doctor Fraiser and Jack had to remain for the examinations when she came by.
"You hungry?" The older man asked, trying not to let those eyes bother him.
Blink blink.
Jack nudged a tray, swinging the foldable table out until it was in front of Daniel.
"They got some soup here." The older man offered, making no move to give him to food, waiting for him to do it himself, for him to pick up that spoon.
Daniel just blinked.
"Come on, Danny." Jack muttered under his breath. Daniel's eyes shuttered and he turned his head a bit, watching the walls again. Jack sunk lower in his chair, frustrated.
How was he even going to begin to help him, if Jack couldn't even talk to him?
"No luck?"
Jack started, looking up to find Fraiser standing over him, her eyes on Daniel's profile. The young man acknowledged her with a shifting of the eyes before he turned to sleep on his side.
Shaking his head, Jack motioned to talk outside. He noted that Daniel still made no move towards the tray and walked away sadly.
As soon as they stepped outside, Janet grabbed him anxiously by the arm.
"I've been hearing…things."
Jack raised an eyebrow at her. "Excuse me?"
Licking her lips, Janet looked like she wasn't sure if she should continue. "Word got out about the mission. The NID-"
"What?" Jack exploded, startling the passing medics at the hallway.
Janet glared at him and Jack calmed down.
"What the hell do they want?" The colonel hissed.
"They want to find out more about this…nimertha." Janet went on, occasionally glancing through the door's window to check on Daniel. They sent someone over to talk to the members of SG-5. Major Sanders was telling me about it. They came to make a…debriefing to find out if security was compromised-"
"Which it wasn't." Jack grated out.
"Can I finish?" The doctor said frustrated. Sheepishly, Jack clamped his mouth shut. She sighed. "Look. I'm sorry, it's just that without any progress on Daniel's condition, I can delay letting them ask him any questions but they may not be that patient forever-"
"It's not going to take forever." The older man ground out. "He's getting better."
"What was your first clue?" Janet snapped back. "When he started blinking or when he started screaming every time we try to come near him?"
Jack fell silent. The doctor scolded herself for her outburst.
"We're going to be moving him soon, Colonel."
"Where?"
"I think you know where."
The man glared at her. "Over my dead body!"
Fraiser shook her head. "I wish we could help him. But…this isn't something we could just sit down and have a talk about any more. He's too withdrawn for us to reach him. The conditions here aren't the best of environments to help him here and-"
"They can't move him to that place." Jack hissed.
"You don't have any choice in th-"
"The hell I don't!" Jack snarled. "I have power of attorney. I say we don't move him!"
Janet stared at him, surprised. "Power of attorney? Since when?"
Jack chewed his lower lip. "When I gave him mines."
The doctor gaped at him. The colonel shot her an irritated look.
"Look, it was back when I was aging super fast at that planet P3X-8596!"
Nodding, Janet recalled.
"I gave him mine when it looked like there would be no cure for my…condition. When I got better, Daniel asked if I could be his POA and I said I would." Jack looked at her sideways.
"I can get the paperwork to show you if you want." The man said tightly, wondering if the doctor was really going to challenge him on it.
She shook her head. "That might not work for long."
"Why the hell not?" Jack demanded.
"Look at him!" She pointed a finger to the doors. "What can delaying treatment possibly do for him?"
"That isn't treatment, it's a goddamn way of sweeping dirt under the carpet!"
"We're not sweeping him away!"
"It sure looks like that to me!"
"We're trying very hard to help him here!"
"I'm not going to stand back and watch you stick him back in some padded room and do nothing but pump him up full of that shit, keeping him drugged for the rest of his goddamn life!"
"Well, you should have thought of that before and tried to help him when we first got him back in the beginning!"
Jack stilled, his face went stark white.
Janet's hands went up to her mouth. "Oh God. I…I didn't mean…Colonel O'Neill…Jack…"
The colonel took a deep breath, turned on his heel and left. Janet could only watch with stricken eyes as the man went down the hallway, his back stiff.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Sam jerked back a bit at the words and stayed behind the corner. She watched the colonel stalk off and she winced, understanding the heated words that sent him walking. Sam couldn't bring herself to come forward now, her original intent to visit her friend no longer enough motivation for her to emerge from the spot. So the Major watched Janet sigh, her shoulders slump before entering the infirmary.
She couldn't do it.
Sam couldn't go in there and watch her friend cringe away from her again.
Sam came with all the good intentions of visiting her friend, but-
That wasn't her friend in there.
It just wasn't him.
Her friend had a sweet tentative smile. Her friend could rattle on for hours about a subject. Her friend could jump in with her about topics that she knew the colonel didn't even want to try and comprehend.
Her friend was like a brother, the kind of relationship she wished she had with hers.
Her friend didn't find it strange if she was to cry, despite her being a Major in the Air Force.
Her friend…called her Sam.
That wasn't her friend in there.
Suddenly feeling like there was no air in here, Sam turned around and walked away.
+++++++++++++++++++++
General Hammond stopped at the doorway, pursing his lips at the sight of the shadow by the observation window.
"George."
The General entered the briefing room and quietly joined Jacob Carter by the window.
"Quite a view you have here." Dressed in drab fatigues, the former General still stood stiffly as if he were at attention in his dress uniform, his thin face staring ahead at the embarkation room below.
"I find many of my people standing here on occasion." Hammond said softly, looking down at the activity below.
"I can see why." Jacob murmured. "It's very…humbling."
"Humbling?"
"You have probably one of the most…incredible things ever known in the universe, tucked away miles deep under the Earth. One of the largest keys to the doorways of our galaxy." The Tok'ra tilted his head towards George.
"Makes one's problems feel very, very small, doesn't it?"
Hammond smiled briefly. "I like the sound of that."
"Also a key to the many damnations of hell out there, George."
The smile faded and the General of SGC nodded.
"Heard NID has their hands in the cookie jar."
The General looked at Jacob sideways. The Tok'ra shrugged. "It was no secret when you see starched uniforms marching into Smith's room." Carter frowned.
"Any idea who they're going to talk to next?"
"They're not going near Doctor Jackson." Hammond said, reading his friend's mind. "Even if I didn't say anything, I don't think Colonel O'Neill would have allowed it anyway."
"The Tok'ra used to have this way," Jacob said suddenly. "Where after a great battle, they would stay in the room, link up holding hands and all meditate together in this huge circle to ease their souls."
"I wish we could do something like that here." George replied with another smile.
"You have shrinks coming right up at your face after each mission, asking you the same questions over and over again."
"We need to evaluate their state of mind after every mission-"
"Come on, George. Cut the crap! I've known you longer before this SGC was even carved out from under NORAD!"
Hammond turned back towards the window.
"It's all we got, Jacob. Better than nothing at all." He looked over to his friend soberly. "You knew what the alternative was back then."
Jacob nodded.
"Does she know?" General Hammond asked quietly, referring to his daughter, Major Carter.
"No." The Tok'ra took a deep breath. "Water under the bridge, George."
"Water has a way of rising." Hammond reminded his friend.
Carter darkened, he remembered seeing Jack stomp away from the infirmary just moments ago. "So I see."
"Might help her in…understanding all this."
"She's a soldier, George. She knows what thorns are out there."
"Knowing and knowing are two different things." Hammond crossed his arms, feeling very tired as he looked at the weathered reflection on the glass staring back at him.
"She wants to help her team. But she doesn't have the understanding to do so."
"This kind of understanding I rather she do without." Jacob muttered.
"I understand that, but she still needs to know."
"…I'll talk to her before I go."
The two men fell silent. Jacob sighed a bit and squared his shoulders back.
"It's weird to see something like this happening and you have to remind yourself that this time it isn't you, that it isn't thirty years ago."
"He's not a soldier."
"No…but he's still some fresh face kid who's getting lost in all that shit a war puts him through."
General Hammond didn't argue with that. He knew that even without the loud battlefields, the terse reports forever coming through the radio, watching your own battles broadcast in some news show, and the enemy bargaining with leaders you thought you could depend on, this still was a war.
With bigger stakes.
"Damn if you can't help feel for the kid." The other man sighed even deeper. "I sure hope you guys can piece him back together."
"We will."
Jacob nodded absently.
Hammond clapped his hand on Jacob's shoulder.
"It was good seeing you again, old friend." His friend snorted.
"Yeah…I just wish it was under better circumstances, George. These kind of reunions I could do without."
+++++++++++++++++++++
"I think there should be another way." Fraiser said, glaring over her folder towards Doctor Mackenzie. The man sat in a chair in front of her desk for the past half-hour, skimming through Daniel's file. He didn't even have the decency to knock before, coming right in, leaving the door partly opened.
"Has there been any change?" The psychiatrist asked as he skimmed through the report.
You would know if you were there, she thought bitterly. Out loud, she replied. "Not much, but he seems to responding to Colonel O'Neill."
"Um hm."
What is that suppose to mean?
"I'm sure we can determine what level of care Doctor Jackson needs once we have him settled in-"
Janet stood up, startling Doctor Mackenzie. "Look…" She took a deep breath. "Can't we give it a few more days?"
Peering over the rim of his glasses, the man tsked disapprovingly.
"Are you still bothered by what happened last time, Doctor Fraiser?"
Janet froze.
"You did nothing wrong. You must know that." Mackenzie continued flipping through pages in the file. Janet could see Daniel's picture, staring back at her upside down from the first page it was paper clipped to. She swallowed.
"This is different this time."
"He requires the same thing. He needs watching over."
"He needs," she took a deep breath. "He needs to feel secure before he can actually begin to let go of his anxiety. Daniel's not going to feel at ease locked up in a mental ward room as an in-patient."
"Doctor Fraiser, you're taking this personally and letting it cloud your-"
"You bet I'm taking it personally!" Janet snapped. She sat back down in a huff.
"Look…I know what I did last time, the recommendation I made of schizophrenia was by the book and although I regret having to put him there, I don't have second thoughts about it. But this," She waved her hands helplessly towards the file in Mackenzie's hands. "We can't make such a decision here based on what our training tells us. I really believe we got to make the decision based on what we know."
"And that is?"
"Daniel Jackson has help right now." She said softly. "Someone who may be able to help him more than any medicine I have on this base right now."
Mackenzie pursed his lips, thinking it over. She held her breath waiting. Finally, the man shook his head regrettably.
"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'll have to make the recommendation to General Hammond to have Doctor Jackson transferred to my ward, Doctor Fraiser."
Janet's shoulders slumped.
I'm sorry, I tried.
She didn't know who she was telling that to.
+++++++++++++++++++++
The room wasn't empty.
Jack skidded to a halt when he realized someone else was already in here. He stood there squinting, a steaming mug of coffee in his hand.
"O'Neill."
"Teal'c?" Jack said in a stunned voice. "What are you doing in Jackson's office?"
"I needed to mediate." Teal'c stiffly said.
"Shouldn't you be in your room for that?" The colonel pointed out, squinting in the darkness. He could barely make out the large frame of the Jaffa, seated on a chair by the center table.
Teal'c sounded surprised when he confessed. "I felt oddly at ease mediating in here instead, O'Neill."
"Mind if I switch on the lights?" Jack asked quietly.
"If you wish."
The lights flooded on and Jack could see Teal'c with an old pottery shard in his large hands.
"Is Daniel Jackson well yet?"
"It's not that easy, Teal'c."
"I am aware of that. But when then?"
Jack sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Can't really put a time frame on the shattering of a soul."
"You will help him, O'Neill?"
Jack looked taken back. "Of course!"
"He will not be returning to that place?"
"Huh?"
Teal'c frowned, his eyes dark as he remembered. "When he was…not himself the last time."
Mental Health. Teal'c was referring to the white room they saw Daniel in. Jack felt a chill coursing up and down his spine as he recalled.
"Not if I can help it."
"Then he will be well soon." A small smile appeared in Teal'c's lips.
Jack sat down on one of the chairs, suddenly feeling very tired. The chair squeaked a little. "You sound so damn sure."
"He listens to you. Daniel Jackson was calling for you when he woke up." Teal'c tilted his head towards the colonel. "He will allow help from you."
"He was calling for you. He was calling for you each time, wouldn't stop when they tried to shut him up!"
"I couldn't help him before when he called me the first time." Jack murmured.
Teal'c looked at him strangely, not quite catching what the man had said. The colonel shook his head.
"This talk about faith…" Jack said, referring to the last conversation. "I'm counting on his to help him." He leaned into padding of the seats.
"But other than that…I really have nothing else to go on."
"I believe there is more, O'Neill…that you can give…if you are willing…"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Jack turned on his chair a bit. He eyed the picture on top of the bookcase, making out vaguely a young Daniel on top of a camel. A smile flit across his face. He never did ask him about the story behind that.
"Sometimes it takes two warriors to fight a demon, O'Neill."
Jack looked at Teal'c with a questioningly look on his face.
"Major Carter once told me of a saying…" The Jaffa cocked his head to the side a bit as he thought if the correct way of saying it. "Share and…share alike?"
"What's there to share?" Jack said shortly. He grabbed one of the pictures right by the computer, suddenly realizing it was a picture of the team during a barbecue. He wondered briefly when did Daniel take the picture.
"Demons."
Jack puts down the frame.
"What?"
Teal'c surveyed him seriously. "You have told me that you believed there to be…ghosts."
Jack nodded numbly.
"Daniel Jackson sees them now?"
"Probably." Jack mumbled. Definitely.
"Then you can help him." Teal'c decided.
"It's not so simple, Teal'c."
"I do not understand."
Jack sighed heavily. "Sometimes…neither do I."
The Jaffa lifted an eyebrow but said nothing more.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Jack stared at the empty chair where Teal'c was before. The Jaffa after a few more minutes of conversation, had decided to try and see Daniel one more time before retiring to his quarters. Perhaps the alien sensed a need for solitude in O'Neill, because he didn't offer to stay and keep Jack company.
The colonel took a sip out of the coffee he had brought with him, his mind wandering to somewhere else other than the fact that his drink was now cold.
"N-never…we…we…will never let you…have him!"
Even in her death, Hathor won.
"I'm fine."
"You're running away."
He could still smell the blood. Jack just didn't know if it was from his memory or now.
"He listens to you. Daniel Jackson was calling for you when he woke up. He will allow help from you."
Jack rubbed his eyes wearily.
He wasn't there when they hurt him, yet Jack could hear Daniel screaming his name as if he was there.
"Well, you should have thought of that before and tried to help him when we first got him back in the beginning!"
Daniel was slipping away, faster than Jack could blink. Faster than Jack could take a breath.
"Well, you should have thought of that before and tried to help him when we first got him back in the beginning!"
"Damn it." Jack muttered, dropping his head in his hands. There has to be something he could do.
"Well, you should have thought of that before and tried to help him when we first got him back in the beginning!"
Abruptly, Jack lashed his hand out, making contact with his mug. The stone pottery flew across the room, crashing into the side of the sink that stood center in front of Daniel's desk. Brown coffee trickled down the sides, onto the floor.
It didn't make him feel any better.
+++++++++++++++++++++
The phone picked up on the second ring and a crisp voice answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey…is this Colonel Waterson?"
"Retired. This is he. Who's…never mind…." The voice paused, suddenly a fond tone seeping in. "…how you're doing?"
"Great. Just great…listen…I was wondering…"
"Keys are under the mat as usual. No one's up there right now."
A voice on one line chuckled sadly.
"Mind reader."
"No, just a former CO who knows his men pretty well…" The line went quiet. "Getting bad?"
"No…it's not for me…"
"Oh."
"Co-worker…no…friend of mine…I could really use it, Waterson."
"Tony."
"Huh?"
"Tony. I'm retired, remember? And last I heard…so were you."
"Times changed."
"Okay. Times changed…have you?"
"Like I said before…"
"You're doing great. I know." The line went quiet again. "Want me to go up there with you?"
"No…it's better if I do this on my own."
"Okay. How long you need?"
"I don't know."
"Shit."
"Yeah."
"…Like I said. Keys are under the mat. I'll call the electric company and get the power back on. Need the phone?"
"I think so."
"Okay."
"Tony?"
"It's okay. I understand. Take all the time you need, son."
And the line went dead.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Janet paced the door outside the infirmary, wondering how she was going to tell Jack. Especially after how they left each other last time.
Three days. General Hammond only agreed to three days evaluation.
She still didn't like it.
Yet she had no other ideas to offer to the table.
Damned if she did. Damned if she don't.
Janet stopped.
She was doing the exact same thing she accused Jack of before.
She was stalling.
Taking a deep breath, Janet pushed both hands on the double doors. They swung open and she rushed in before she lost her nerve. The doctor made a beeline for the bed when she skidded to a halt.
Daniel was gone.
----------------------------
"Quiet, no one for miles, you'll probably sleep like a baby here." Tony Waterson rattled on as he dropped the bags down on the floor with a loud thud. He pretended not to notice the scowl on his companion's face. The ex-Special Forces colonel stretched out his arms and gave out a big yawn. Grinning broadly, he eyed the cabin's interior, tilting his head towards the door.
"Damn if that isn't the sweetest sound you can hear!"
"I don't hear nothing." Jack said sullenly as he stood there by the door. Tony chose to ignore him.
"Precisely. Not one car honking by, no trains rumbling, nothing!" Tony patted the wooden planks that lined up the walls of the cabin. "Yes sir. Piece of heaven without having to die for it."
Grunting, Jack twisted the cap off his bottle he was nursing this whole trip and took a long gulp.
"Give me that."
Surprised, Jack turned to look at his friend. Tony stood there, his hand out waiting.
"I said give me that."
"What the hell is your problem?" Jack demanded, ignoring the request as he took another drink.
"My problem is your problem. Now your wife and kid are going to be here in a week or so. I'm here to whip your ass back into humanity before they do."
"Look, I didn't ask you to-"
"Yes you did." Tony pointed to the bottle. "That was asking me. Now give me the bottle."
Jack muttered something indecent and Tony raised an eyebrow at the word. He swiftly plucked the bottle out of Jack's hands and dropped it to the floor.
The glass container shattered, breaking into a million pieces, its dark brown liquor staining the floor.
Jack gawked at Tony. The man grinned crookedly as he clapped his hands, his task done.
"Now," Tony said cheerfully, dismissing the beet red face in front of him, "Let's see what we should make for dinner, shall we?"
Jack shook his head, roused out of his thoughts. He stood there, staring at the goldfish Daniel had in his apartment, and thought briefly if he should leave word to Teal'c or someone to feed them while they were gone. The colonel had driven them over here first to get some of the archeologist's things. Jack cast his eyes behind him, to the lit room. Daniel was still standing over his closet in the bedroom. Sighing, Jack went in again.
"Want me to decide instead?" Jack asked quietly. The young man shrugged. He listlessly touched the shirts in the open drawer, the duffel bag Jack had left him, remained empty.
And once again, Jack wondered if this was such a good idea.
It was easier than he had thought. Getting Daniel out of the infirmary. It was easier than the decision to break him out. Slipping past the nurses, up the elevator and then a casually wave goodbye to the guards with a flippant remark about having leave and they were out. Technically it was true, though. Jack did have leave. So did Daniel. It was just that the young man wasn't supposed to have it outside.
A small detail. Jack thought as he pulled out a few T-shirts and socks. "How about these, Daniel?"
The young man didn't say anything as he picked the surface of his blanket on the bed. Jack sat down on the bed next to him, watching those long fingers pulling at the material. He turned and looked at the top of Daniel's bowed head, his eyes sad when he realized that the room was very quiet.
A knock on the door made Daniel whip his head towards it with a startled look. Jack patted his knee briefly, not noticing the cringe from the young man as he got up from the bed and went to the door, wondering who could it be.
Peering in the spyglass, Jack paused. He eyed Daniel, who was still sitting in the bedroom. With a shake of his head, he prepared himself as he opened the door.
Carter stood there at the door, glaring at him as if she knew Jack was the one who was going to open it.
"Major."
"Sir."
Jack stood there, making no move to let her in. Finally, she sighed, and pushed her way in instead. The colonel shut the door behind her, crossed his arms in front of him and waited.
"I figured you might be over here." Sam muttered as she paced the room. "Especially after Teal'c told me that Daniel was gone." She stopped in front of the bedroom, catching a glimpse of Daniel, who made no move to look up. Sam swallowed before she looked away.
"What were you planning to do?"
"I have a place in mind."
"And this place wasn't in SGC?" Sam looked at her commanding officer with a concerned look. "Do you think it's wise to take him out of there?"
He wouldn't have been in there for much longer, Carter, Jack thought but didn't say it out loud. "It's a bit hard to explain, Carter."
"Try me." Sam smiled sadly. "Last I checked, I wasn't some dumb blonde. I am a scientist."
Jack didn't grin at the joke. "No science involved here, Carter. Just gut instinct."
"Your gut instinct told you to take Daniel out of medical care?"
"What he needs isn't medical care, Carter."
"Then what?" Sam's voice rose a bit, her eyes desperately trying to read her friend's face for answers. "I've tried talking to him, tried to tell him that we'll be here for the memories and-"
Jack frowned, looking behind her. She turned and saw Daniel, standing there, behind the bookcases that met the edge of the bedroom doorway. The young man had his eyes glued on her before but the moment their eyes met, he looked away to a spot between the two.
The woman tried to smile reassuringly as she stepped forward but stopped when Daniel paled and shrank behind the shelves.
"Daniel." Jack said quietly. "Why don't you wait out here? Carter and I are gonna go inside and pack some of your stuff." He went over, took Sam by the elbow and steered her to the bedroom.
Sam could feel Daniel's eyes boring down on her, at her back, but when she tried to turn her eyes towards him, they were elsewhere. Frustrated, she didn't protest when Jack led the way to the other room and shut the door behind him. The two stood there for a moment, before he turned his back on her.
Silently, she watched the colonel go over to the drawers, pulling up articles of clothing, discarding some and considering others. She didn't really know what she wanted to say. He didn't look at her as he went on with what he was doing, but he spoke up in a quiet voice.
"Look…I know you want to help, Carter. God knows, you were one of the first ones to try." Self-condemnation crept into Jack's voice and she couldn't help but to respond to it.
"You were there for him, sir. Daniel counted on you and you were there."
Jack shrugged, folding some of the shirts and dropping them into the duffel bag.
"I just…" She swallowed. "Whatever it is you're planning to do…I just don't know if it'll work."
"It'll work."
"We use to be so sure…" Sam went on as if she didn't hear him. "So sure of what we did as a team, but you're making this decision on your own here."
Jack didn't looked up at her.
"And I don't understand why." She confessed. "I don't understand why Daniel won't let me help him. Why you're doing this and why it feels like we didn't really win here."
The older man froze. A strange look came across his face.
"We're going to beat this, Carter."
"Is that we all of us…or just you and Daniel…sir?"
Jack didn't answer.
+++++++++++++++++++++
The journals felt heavy.
Fingering one, he heard them still talking inside, behind closed doors. Ducking his head, Daniel shifted closer to the volumes that lined up his shelves, not wanting to hear what they could be saying.
Flipping listlessly through the pages of one book, the edges of the paper felt sharp, as if they were going to slice his hands as he read what he once wrote.
The people here I'm pretty sure are descendants of an ancient tribe in Peru. I might have to check on that when I return, but I'm fairly certain. It's amazing how little has changed despite being transplanted to another planet almost a thousand years ago. They've kept their customs relatively unchanged, with only small adjustments in their solar calendar and moon phases compared to their ancestors, considering this planet goes around the sun forty hours a day. Jack's pretty much annoyed with that, complaining that he feels like one of those roast thek creatures we saw them cooking over an open fire.
It's a shame we can't stay any longer than the forty-eight hour window General Hammond had given us. They could have taught us so much. They seem to have achieved great knowledge in the medicinal properties of the indigenous plants of their world. But Sam took a few samples. She's pretty sure one of them might be a new antibiotic that we could make use of. They've balanced their society between nature and family structure itself.
A virtual paradise.
Jack called it a garden full of apples and snakes.
I wish Jack would stop being so paranoid every time one of them comes up to us to touch our hair. They all have very tanned skins and dark braids that remind me of Skaara. They never seen light colored hair before and it's perfectly natural that they want another look. I wish he wouldn't jump up every time with his rifle at them (as if they knew what that was anyway. I caught one of them trying to peer through the barrel hole. Jack nearly had a fit). What can possibly happen in a place like this?
The book felt heavy.
The pages felt sharp.
And the words…
Daniel tore the page off its spine.
+++++++++++++++++++++
"I wish I could understand, sir." Sam said softly as she watched Jack zip up the bag. "I know what Daniel went through was a difficult time, but we can help him go through the memories. I'm sure of it-"
"Can you help him when they pop up suddenly for what seems like no reason at all?" Jack asked quietly, his hands stilled over the straps of the bag.
Sam blinked.
"Can you help him convince himself that everything can be okay?"
"Sir-"
"How about when sleep doesn't come even when you're so tired that you're literally clinging on to every wall you can find?"
"Sir-"
"Or how about when your hands start shaking? Out of nowhere, they just start shaking so bad, you feel like biting down on your own hands until they bleed, just so they could stop?"
"Sir!"
Jack looked at her, his face emotionless.
"You sound like you really know what Daniel's going through." It wasn't a statement. Jack could hear the question "How" hanging in the air.
He chose to ignore it.
"He'll be okay, Carter. Daniel wouldn't just give up. He just…he just needs time."
+++++++++++++++++++++
I don't really remember much about what happened after the Touched captured me just off the path leading away from the Stargate. I do remember them throwing me down somewhere and hitting me. I know I fought back. I'm pretty sure I did.
Jack said they had found me with Teucom's daughter Melosha…that I was very friendly (although Jack said that with a smirk and elbowed me saying I had to have one in every planet, whatever that means) with her before they could tranq me.
I thought writing this down would help me but all I got was vague notions of what happened. I do know, though, that I really wasn't worried or concerned. Well, maybe a little. I did have a bunch of hominids, for all purposes, who looked like they were very determined to beat my face in until it looked like theirs with that predominant brow line. I think I even tried to escape once, but apparently, that didn't work.
I knew they were coming back. I just knew. Sam had asked me if I was scared then. She's the only one who could ask me that kind of a question without making it sound humiliating. But I think I even surprised myself when I said I was concerned, but not really scared and blurted out that I knew they would be coming to get me. But instead of laughing, Jack and Sam smiled, Jack even patting me on the back.
Weird, isn't it?
Daniel crumpled the page in his hand and ripped it out of the book, the journal falling down to the floor.
+++++++++++++++++++++
The door opened and Sam, shoulders slumping slightly, walked out the door. Jack fiddled with the straps of the bag a bit before stepping out, catching the sharp intake of breath from the Major before she whispered Daniel's name.
Fearing the worst, Jack dropped the bag, cursing himself for leaving him alone out there, and darted out of the room.
Daniel stood there, head down to one of his journals, quietly tearing a page of his book, crumpled wads of paper at his feet.
"Oh, Daniel." Sam whispered again. The young man didn't look up as he mechanically tore off another page. The colonel closed his eyes briefly at the sight.
"Stop." Jack said quietly, coming over to Daniel's side quickly. He gently placed a hand on top of the journal, breaking the spell. The young man numbly looked up.
"Lies." He said, his voice barely above a whisper, but Jack heard him loud and clear.
"No, they're not." Jack said, calmly plucking the book out of Daniel's hands, forcing his hands to be steady as he took the volume he had always seen Daniel writing in on every mission. Sam numbly accepted the torn journal, clutching it to her chest as if it was a treasure.
"All lies." Daniel just said, sitting there staring at the mess on the floor. He swayed slightly as if saying that much exhausted him. Jack stepped closer in time for Daniel to fall against his chest. The young man jerked back the moment he did.
Jack turned to look at Carter, his eyes shadowed. And she knew that nothing she could say would be ever enough. He was going. And Daniel was going with him.
"I'll clean up here." She said softly, feeling as if it was small penance to make up for all that has happened. "I'll make sure everything's straighten up, sir. For when he…comes home."
"We'll be back, Major." Jack placed a hand on Daniel's back, guiding the young man gently towards the door. "Both of us."
"Yes, sir." She said but before she could say anything more, they were gone.
Samantha Carter stood there, center of the mess by the bookcase, clutching onto the remains of one of her friend's journals. She gave it a kiss on the weathered leathery surface and then dropped down to the floor on her knees. She couldn't find the courage to cry out all her frustration, but in the silence of Daniel's apartment, she allowed herself one tear to fall.
+++++++++++++++++++++
It was everywhere.
Red.
Black.
And dark.
So very dark.
Eating a path to him.
He tried turning to the left, but it blocked his way.
When he abruptly tried to bolt to the right, it's horrible tentacles stretched out to block there.
Staring at the endless nothingness that dwelled in those flailing limbs that surround him, he could see...sin.
Terrible deeds that never should have been done.
Pain that never should have been felt.
Someone...stop this...
It...they...whatever that darkness contained, was coming closer. Bringing its morbid load with it. And soon, he will be touching it and he knew...somehow, he knew...the darkness will go right into him, a filth that can never be rid of with mere soap and water, his body absorbing all of it until he was no longer who he thought he was.
He didn't want to drown.
Yet...he could no longer breathe.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Jack placed a gentle hand on the clammy forehead until he felt the tremors ceased. Daniel sighed softly, his head turning just a bit towards the warmth, curling even tighter under the covers. The older man silently pulled the blankets up further, to his friend's chin. Daniel murmured something, frowning in his sleep until Jack stroke the brow like he did when Charlie was ill.
His hands felt too coarse and large over Daniel's head. He felt like if he was to just squeeze...just a little, the life before him would shatter, its splinters stabbing into his own soul.
Someone was ringing the doorbell. Jack glared at the wall, as if he could see through them to the front door of his house.
Go away.
From the way it kept on ringing, the person must have been standing there for a while, too stubborn to believe that no one was home.
Jack wondered if he ignored it, would it eventually get discouraged and leave him the hell to be.
It kept ringing.
Apparently not.
With a heave, Jack got up and left the guest bedroom, leaving the door open just a notch so he could hear. Trudging down the few steps to the living room and crossing it to reach the door, Jack had half a speech ready to spill to whatever salesman, neighbor, or visitor lurking behind his front door. With a grumble, he yanked at the door, not even bothering to check through his window.
Janet Fraiser.
Jack blinked at the person at the door. He opened his mouth to say something but couldn't find any words and just shut it again. Janet saved him the trouble, though.
"I can't believe you did this." The woman glared at the colonel, standing there at his doorway, dripping from the rain that Jack didn't know had started outside, one hand clutching to a bag, the other trying to brush back damp bangs from her eyes. She was a sodden mess, her blue blouse damp underneath her coat, shoes making a squishy sound. In any other circumstances, the sight would have been comical.
"Won't you come in?" Jack finally said lamely.
"Where is he?" She demanded, breezing through the door, not even bothering to wipe her shoes on the mat. Fraiser slipped slightly on her own damp tracks and stopped. She spun around again.
"Where is he?"
"In the guest room." Jack said quietly. "We're leaving in the morning."
"Leaving? For where?" The doctor said in a loud voice.
Jack forced a bright smile on his face. "Called up a buddy of mine. We're going up to the lake for some fishing-"
"Fishing?"
The colonel winced at the loud tone. "Quiet down a bit, Doc. He's sleeping right now-"
"Fishing?" Janet angrily waved her arm towards the direction of the bedroom door. "The man's basically catatonic right now, unresponsive and you're taking him fishing?"
"It will do him some good."
"He barely spoken a word since you've all returned!" Janet dropped her bag on the floor as her hands flew to make her point. "He needs help. He needs to be taken care of, not dragged around across the countryside!"
Jack's temper flared. "Oh? And what were you planning to do? Stick him in a nice white room with Mackenzie?"
The woman froze.
"I heard your discussion with him. They was going to ship Daniel back to him!"
"He needs to be watched over. It would have only been a three-day evaluation. Daniel might not have needed to stay there too long-"
"If you seriously believe that, Doc, then I got a bridge to sell you in Jersey." The colonel snorted.
"He was showing classic signs of PTSD, which comes from-"
"I know what the f-" He scrubbed his eyes with his hands as he paced the room around her. The man glared at Fraiser. "I know what that is! He's not going back there!" Jack shouted. He calmed down a bit, remembering his friend in the other room.
"Look…" Jack wearily ran a hand through his hair. "Didn't you say I was the best person who can help him?"
"That was different-"
"How is it different?" Jack crossed his arms across his chest. "Huh? How? He couldn't remember before or at least, wasn't trying. Now he remembers and went back to forgetting."
"He's non-responsive-"
"Isn't that just another form of forgetting?" The man pointed out quietly. "I mean…isn't his silence right now just that? You know what he's been through. Can you really blame him for wanting to try and forget all over again?" Jack sighed, loosening his arms to let them dangle limply by his sides.
"God knows I tried. Only…" The man's eyes clouded over. "I tried a different method to forget."
Janet chewed her lower lip.
"You could get court martial for this, colonel."
Jack shrugged. "So I'll retire."
"If they were to find out about this."
Raising an eyebrow towards Janet, Jack echoed. "If?"
Glaring at him once more, Fraiser picked up her bag again and waved it towards Jack. He looked at Janet questioningly.
"General Hammond found out about Daniel's…escape. Asked me about it. I…" The doctor sighed. "I told him I had Okayed a month leave for you two."
Jack's eyebrow remained up. The woman rolled her eyes.
"I wasn't too excited about the idea of transferring Daniel myself, but his symptoms weren't something I could give a IV for. I…there was nothing I could have done for him that I hadn't tried already." Janet sighed, helping herself to a seat on the couch. She suddenly felt very tired as if something was draining all the energy from her.
"I don't even know why I'm agreeing to this. Or why I should even be considering this! The best thing for him would be the hospital, but-" She studied Jack carefully.
"Do you have any idea of what you are doing?"
Jack was about to crack a joke, but he eyed the steps leading to the bedrooms and the false smile he had on faded.
"No."
Rubbing her face with her hands, Janet grunted softly.
"At least you had the courtesy to tell me that." She looked up at him, narrowing her eyes.
"I left instructions there for some medication. Some sedatives and mild tranquilizers in case he becomes violent, for the abrupt mood swings-"
"Daniel wouldn't-"
Janet went on as she pulled some containers out. "If he's feeling a bit agitated, or anxious, give him a tablet of Ativan. They take effect pretty quickly once he chews them and should last for a couple of hours."
"Doc, we're not going to need them." Jack interrupted.
"Or," the doctor glared at him as she continued. "if he has trouble sleeping, a tablet of Desyrel. I left more detailed instructions in that bag." She stopped when she saw Jack scowling at the bag she held.
"I know what it looks like. I'm not telling you he needs them...just...as a precaution, okay? They'll help him sleep better, calm him down."
Jack glowered at her. "The things you're thinking of...Daniel's not the type..."
"He wasn't the type to get addicted on anything, yet there he was in the sarcophagus."
"That's not fair."
"Who said anything about fair?"
The colonel fell silent.
"He's not Daniel right now." Janet said gently. "Not the one you knew. Not right now. Maybe not ever."
Jack looked down at the bag.
"We won't need this." He stubbornly repeated.
The woman sighed. "Humor me, okay?"
Reluctantly, Jack set the bag down on his coffee table. "Fine." He said curtly.
"And call me." Janet added.
"Fine."
"Every few hours-"
"How about every day?"
"I need to be updated about his-"
"How the hell am I suppose to help him if I have to run to the phone every goddamn hour?" Jack snapped back. He shook his head. "Sorry. Listen, I'll call every day. Okay?"
Janet was silent.
"Okay?"
"Okay." The woman conceded. She eyed the steps leading to the bedrooms again. Fraiser looked tempted to go over there and see Daniel for herself. But she stopped herself. If she saw him now, Janet knew, she might change her mind. But looking at Jack, at the duffel bags packed and ready by the door, she suspected that this might be the way after all.
"Good luck…Jack." Janet said softly as she went for the door. Jack stood there as she opened the door herself. "I hope this works." The door clicked shut, leaving Jack alone in the room.
"I don't need luck." Jack muttered, looking down at the satchel Janet left him. His voice cracked as he thought of his friend, curled up tightly on top of the bed behind him and his hands bunched into fists around the bag, rattling the pills inside.
"I need a goddamn miracle."
+++++++++++++++++++++
The ride was long and silent. Jack was too drained to try and carry a one sided conversation again. He did that this morning when he went to wake Daniel up.
"Rise and shine, Jackson." Jack tapped at the door before entering. Already dressed at nine in the morning, he had considered letting Daniel sleep in a bit more, but he heard the restless squeaking of the bed and knew that his friend was already awake.
"Up and at them. We got fish to catch."
Daniel was sitting at the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the carpet under his socked feet. Jack went on as if the lack of response was normal.
"I called ahead. There's a grocer where we could get our supplies. The roads are clear so we could get there in an hour or so. It's a great spot. We practically have the area to ourselves with the summer almost over." Jack went on as he yanked out a clean shirt from Daniel's duffel bag and a pair of jeans.
"We would need these sweaters," Jack mused as he considered the cable sweaters and sweats, "It can get pretty chilly up there at nights, but the sky is really clear. Going to bring my telescope." The man turned around, his voice trailing off when he saw Daniel was still just sitting there, fingering the shirt Jack handed him.
It was hard to look at that look of uncertainty on Daniel's face as the young man contemplated what to do with it. Slowly, Jack approached him and took the shirt from his hands. Daniel looked up, startled.
"Easy. I'm just going to unbutton it, okay?" Jack smiled as Daniel nodded. "Need me to help you with that?" He pointed to the sweats Daniel had on now.
The young man shook his head silently and pulled at his sleeves. He tensed when Jack stepped in and helped him maneuver out of it, but he didn't protest. The colonel bit back a smile at the sight of the mussed up hair when he was pulled free of the sweats. Some hairs were sticking out in strange angles. That smile faded though when Daniel made no move to smooth them out.
"Come here." Jack murmured, waving the shirt in front of Daniel. The young man dutifully slipped his arms through the sleeves. Awkwardly, he fumbled with the buttons until Jack stopped him.
"It's okay." The older man muttered and quickly buttoned the shirt up. Daniel just stood there, his arms dangling to his sides. When he was done, Jack stood up and took a step back. Nodding when it looked okay, Jack pointed to the jeans questioningly. That was when he got his first reaction from Daniel.
The young man flushed, faint pink showing on his pale cheeks and he went over to the bed where the jeans were and shook his head. Jack nodded, murmured that he would outside and left. He heard the door close behind him and smiled.
Stealing a side look over to his companion, Jack noted the dull gleam in his eyes, staring uninterestedly outside as the rest of the world went by while he was inside Jack's jeep.
It just felt so strange to the colonel, as if this wasn't really happening. He had to keep checking the seat next to him to see if Daniel was really there. It was just too quiet.
Who would have thought Jack O'Neill would have missed Daniel's endless pattering?
The usual remarks the young man use to make was gone, the abrupt jerking of the head as eyes catch yet another object of interest was missing, the hands that usually flew along with conversation were now still.
It occurred to the colonel as he drove in the dead silence, that the talking, the endless leaping from one idea to the next was what made Daniel Jackson...Daniel.
Daniel Jackson was not here in this car.
"So I was telling Sam about…oh will you look at that." Daniel whipped his head towards the barn as it went by. "Oh well. Anyway, she was so positive about her theory that carbon dating wouldn't have been useful with artifacts that were…oh…now that's something you don't see everyday…"
"Daniel, you're making me dizzy with all this." Jack complained, keeping his eyes on the road, mentally calculating how long it would be before they reached the mountain complex. As he listened to Daniel rattle on for the past hour, it would be too long.
"Huh?" Daniel turned back to the older man with a perplexed look on his face.
Jack sighed. "Never mind."
"Oh…okay. Anyway, I told Sam that maybe if we were to…wow…how did they do that…oh…where was I…um…oh yeah…so we went to the labs to find that Croatian vase from the dig SG-4 uncovered and…wow, look at that…"
"What?" Jack turned his head to look and Daniel yelped.
"Jack! What are you doing?" Daniel pushed Jack's face back towards the front. "What are you looking at? Eyes up front. Please!"
Jack grinned broadly, thinking that would stop the self-interruptions now.
"So, we got one of the stone fragments and…that's an unusual structure-"
The colonel groaned.
The older man blinked at the memory and felt a tightness in his chest.
Jack was really beginning to miss his friend and the drive felt even lonelier.
----------------------------
The road eventually lost its machinery made smoothness and the bumps and dips of a road unpaved signaled to Jack that the ride was nearly over. He eyed the brown bags of groceries in the back, then back at Daniel, who was still sitting in the same position, eyes staring out without seeing, his face emotionless, hands folded in front of his chest protectively.
"Something ain't right with him."
Jack looked up from the canned food aisle, catching a glimpse of a gray haired woman chewing on a toothpick as she nudged her elderly husband once more. He followed the eyes to the window and stiffened when he realized that she was referring to the lone passenger still seated in the black colored jeep in front of the grocery right outside of the camping grounds.
"Nancy, it's not nice to point." Her husband said with the patience of having to deal with his wife's endless curiosity for many years. He didn't look up to see where she was pointing at as he scanned the shelves for something.
"I'm telling you." Nancy insisted in a voice that brooked no disagreement. Obviously, her husband usually just agree with her and she wanted the same this time. "He just stares out into nuthin'. I tried saying hello to him but he didn't say anything."
"Maybe he's tired." Her husband said absently, ignoring the tugging on his elbow from his wife as he checked the freshness date on the baked goods. The couple wasn't aware of the smothering glare on the next row.
"He just sits there." Nancy said as she chewed the wooden pick, her yellow teeth baring every so often as she kept talking. "Maybe he's one of them stupid people. You know, born that way -"
"Nancy!" Her husband admonished. Nancy stopped, the piece dangling half out of her mouth. Apparently, her husband didn't do that very often. "What a horrible thing to say!"
Jack clenched the can of peaches he had in his hand, this close to taking it and flinging it right at her. Instead, he gathered up what he needed, not even bothering to check what exactly he shoved off the shelves into his basket and stalked over to the counter to pay for them. Even the friendly smile from the cashier did nothing for his anger.
The colonel checked his rage, grab the bags and hurried back to the jeep, the woman's words still burning in his ears.
Jack's hands grabbed the steering wheel a bit tighter. He had almost made it, too, before the couple had walked past him. He was beginning to regret choosing this area for a retreat. Everyone here was too nosy, too friendly for his liking. Like a common trait, they stopped the moment an unfamiliar face was in front of them and try to start a conversation. Normally that wouldn't have been a problem, but Jack didn't feel like playing sociable Bob and he very much doubted Daniel was either.
Carefully maneuvering around the narrow dirt road, passing the spectacular view of the mountain lake, Jack grated his teeth as he remembered the woman pretending to be concerned over Daniel.
"So you're here for-" Nancy left the question hanging, hoping Jack would jump in with a time frame. Her eyes, enlarged by the huge thick spectacles on her face, were glued to the quiet form in the jeep behind Jack.
"Hoping to come here for some peace and quiet." Jack ignored the unspoken question as he loaded the bags up. He deliberately stood in front of the windshield, blocking her view of Daniel. The woman shuffled a bit, realizing this. To Jack's dismay, it seemed only to fuel her curiosity more. She only stayed back after her husband tried to discreetly pull at the pocket of her jacket. Scowling at her husband, she remained where she was.
"Your brother?" Her husband asked politely. He reluctantly joined in on the conversation his wife dragged him into. He extended his hand out, introducing himself as Frank. Jack looked at the hand for a moment before shaking it.
The colonel shrugged. "Friend of mine…from work…we're here for some R and R."
Nancy nodded, the wooden pick going up and down inside her mouth as she chewed on it thoughtfully. She went around Jack, before the two men could stop her. She rapped loudly at the glass.
"How do you do?" She said loudly and slowly, her mouth moving in exaggerated motions. "My name is Nan-"
Daniel jerked back at the first rap of the knuckle and his eyes went wide with shock. The husband stuttered, embarrassed, trying to make an apology but Jack was too furious to take it.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Jack demanded, stepping in front of her again, his back against the passenger doors. Nancy pulled her hand back, her mouth left hanging, surprised by Jack's anger and Daniel's reaction.
"I-I was trying to say hello. W-wanted to welcome him to-"
Jack bunched his fists. He had no intention of hitting an old woman, but she didn't know that as she stepped back with a squeak. The colonel turned to check if Daniel was okay, but the young man had pressed his face to the shoulder of the seat, hiding his face in the rough fabric. Setting his jaw to stone, Jack shot one last burning gaze at the woman and stomped around to the driver's side. He dismissed the floating apology as he got in the car.
"Daniel-"
The young man didn't acknowledged him, his eyes half closed like slits, but Jack saw a flash of blue in them and they looked so anxious, so pensive that he didn't waste any time to start the car.
"See? I told y-" Nancy's voice dropped unsuccessfully into a whisper, but Jack heard it loud and clear as if she was screaming it into his ear. And he knew Daniel heard it too. Jack angrily turned the ignition and the car roared to a start. He almost missed the husband's response.
"Nancy, shut the hell up!" Her husband snapped back at his wife, shooting a look so full with pity at Daniel, it made Jack cringe. But he nodded towards the man and drove off, the last thing he saw was the woman's jaw dropping open in shock.
The road became narrower and Jack shook himself out of his thoughts, berating himself for drifting while driving on such a dangerous road. Turning carefully, Jack maneuvered around some clusters of trees and the land opened into a clearing up ahead.
Sparkles off the water shimmered like discarded jewels on the surface, the sun overhead casting its afternoon sun. Not quite midday, the air was cool where it seeped into the jeep through the opened window. Cool enough, in fact, that Jack had to raise the windows back up.
The windows purred shut, sealing them in with a hiss. It was quiet as it did so Jack caught the panicked sound coming from Daniel.
Turning slightly, he saw Daniel tensing, looking at the glass that now sealed them in, biting his lower lip nervously. Jack immediately pressed the power windows to open an inch, just enough to let the breezes in, but not enough to give Daniel the chills. After all that has happened, Jack didn't want his friend to catch a cold on top of everything else.
But a cold is the least of his problems.
"Better?" Jack asked quietly, keeping his eyes on the road. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Daniel visibly relaxing. The young man didn't answer back, but seemed to press deeper into the seats, resting his head on the top of the seat, hands fumbling with the seatbelt buckle. The older man hoped Daniel wouldn't undo the straps. He had a lot of trouble getting him to wear it when they first drove out.
"You sure you don't want any more juice?" Jack asked softly as he reached for the door. "There isn't going to be a stop for another hour or so."
Daniel stood there, looking downward. He shook his head.
"How about grabbing a roll for the road?" Jack tried again. "You didn't eat much at breakfast." Actually, Jack knew he didn't eat at all. The colonel had spent the whole morning watching Daniel alternate from picking his eggs to one side or just plain ignoring them.
The young man shrugged listlessly. He thought Daniel mumbled something but it was too low for him to hear.
Jack sighed. He didn't want to make it an order. He had wanted Daniel to make the choice on his own, but he wasn't going to have his friend waste away either. "Daniel. Can you go to the kitchen and get that bag of sandwiches for me, please?"
Silently, Daniel hobbled over to the kitchen and promptly took the bag as Jack requested. The older man accepted it with a gentle smile, but Daniel didn't smile back.
It's just too soon, Jack told himself and opened the door.
Hesitating, Daniel only stopped at the threshold for just a moment. Jack saw him take a deep breath and stepped outside. The older man was silently applauding him as he took each step, awkward as it were, reaching the jeep parked at the driveway. Only then did Daniel stop and looked around.
There was no one watching this curious display, a man standing at the door, looking so unsure, so bewildered but it didn't stop him from looking around anyway. Jack said nothing, only silently opened the passenger door, and watched Daniel quietly get in before heading for his side. The door shut and Jack paused when he saw that Daniel made no move for the seatbelt. Patiently, he reached over and tugged free the strap, crossing it diagonally to the side fastener by the hip.
Then it happened.
Daniel cried out as he felt the strap on his shoulder and whipped out his hand defensively, striking Jack on the side of the head. Stunned, Jack let go of the seatbelt, sending it back to the top with a snap. The young man flinched as it zipped by him.
"It's okay. It's okay." Jack murmured helplessly as realization of what just happened shown on Daniel's face. The scientist moaned softly and dropped his face into his hands. He didn't dare come any closer to Daniel, not even to pat him on the shoulder so he stayed there, leaned forward towards his friend, feeling useless as he kept repeating those pathetic words to him.
Jack felt his shoulders slump with the recollection. It takes time, he kept telling himself. But with each passing minute, it felt like more and more of his friend was lost.
The rustic cabin that appeared at the end of the road pulled him back to the present. It was small, but would fit the purposes of what Jack had in mind. He had been here before when- The colonel paused, something dark flit across his face before he shook his head at himself. He hoped it would be the perfect healing place for Daniel as it tried to be for him so long ago.
But sometimes…it doesn't seem that long ago.
Jack could almost hear them in the car. Calling out for mercy and-
Stop it.
"We're here." Jack announced, more to shatter the silence than anything else. He turned to look at Daniel. He was heartened to see the young man sitting up, looking at the place. "Come on." He got out of the car, went over and opened the passenger door.
Daniel looked at Jack.
"What?"
Eyes cast down, Daniel got out, shuffling away from the vehicle as if he were an old man. He stood there waiting as Jack got their bags, only making a move when the older man placed a few bags in his hands.
The cabin was small but nicely furnished, just as Jack had remembered it. The kitchen was to his immediate right, the living room with the same blue sofa in the center. In fact, even the rug that caught fire the last time, was still here, dotting the room dead center, in front of the fireplace. And behind that, the two bedrooms and the bathroom where he-
"Set them on the table." Jack said abruptly, nodding towards the checkered cover table in the kitchen alcove by the door. He shut the door quietly and with a click, locked it. Dragging the bags of groceries, he opened the refrigerator and began loading everything in their place. He suddenly realized that it was too quiet. Jack looked up and found Daniel staring at the windows that surrounded the walls pensively.
"What?" It seemed like Jack was saying that a lot.
Daniel didn't say anything, but his hands tangled with each other in front of him, twisting fingers with the ends of his shirt. And Jack knew.
The windows were closed.
It was too stuffy here. As always, the air began to stink.
Or at least, to Jack.
Snarling, he tossed the empty beer can down to the floor, the container tumbling down the wooden planks before settling by the rug. He stalked over to one of the windows and unlatched it. Gripping the edges, he heaved.
Nothing.
Muttering hotly under his breath, Jack tried again.
And again.
After a few times, Jack had had about enough.
"Dammit." He seethed as he jiggled the latch and it wouldn't work. "Dammit! Why won't this goddamn window open?" Grabbing a mug from the table, Jack threw it at the offending glass.
The glass shattered on impact as the mug sail past its fragile barriers, landing outside.
A wry voice clucked, heavy boots shifting behind him.
"Well this is nice...I've always wanted that lived in, war torn look."
"Your windows are broken!" Jack turned to Tony, who just stood there with that infuriating thoughtful look on his face.
"Really?" The man commented, going past Jack to examine the window. With a light touch, he pushed up the window and it glided to the top, the last remaining pieces of glass tinkling to the floor.
Jack stood there stunned, his fists loosening by his sides. "I-"
Tony smiled again as if he wasn't surprised. "Want to go get that mug back in here? It's sort of my favorite."
Jack blinked, the window before him suddenly in one piece. He felt a hand on his forearm, touching him lightly and he numbly looked down to see Daniel looking at him a bit anxious. The young man looked like he wanted to ask him something but his mouth snapped shut and he backed away. The colonel rubbed his face wearily, cursing himself for dwelling and reached over to open the windows. He felt the cold breeze coming in from the mountain lake and wondered briefly if he dared start a fire.
"Come on." He just said instead. "Let's get you settled."
+++++++++++++++++++++
Bundled in a sweater, jeans and thick socks, Daniel sat there at the corner of the sofa, staring at the fire sullenly. His feet curled up under him, he looked like he was trying very hard to blend in with the furniture. Long fingers wrapped around a cup of tea, long cooled from neglect.
Jack looked up occasionally from the kitchen as he prepared dinner. Too tired to feel like cooking, he had opted for making some salad and sandwiches. The knife made a quiet chop chop noise against the board as it cut up the tomatoes.
"Do you-" It felt so weird. Jack was used to Daniel rambling on and on and usually he had to say something to make him stop. But now, the colonel was finding himself desperately trying to start the conversation, but he hadn't heard more than three syllables out of the usually vocal scientist.
"Do you want something to read?" It was a foolish question. Jack suspected that the young man wanted nothing more than to sit there and let the rest of his days go by him. "Maybe a-"
"W-why are we here?"
Jack nearly dropped the knife in shock. He tried to sound casually about it though. "What you mean?"
Daniel turned his head towards the kitchen, his eyes dull despite the fire reflecting off them. The older man stood there, waiting but then Daniel just pressed in closer to the cushions instead.
Leaving the food for later, Jack came over and sat down at the couch. He nudged Daniel's foot, trying to get his attention. The young man eyed him with half slit eyes and Jack got the impression that he was being studied.
"We're here..." The colonel tried to word it carefully. "Because we needed to take a break from the last miss-" He stopped when he saw Daniel stiffen. "Daniel?"
Shaking his head for some reason, Daniel moved his foot away from Jack's hand and curled up tighter, shaking off attempts to help him sit up. Hissing softly at wounds that have yet to heal on his back, the young man tried not to think of where they came from and buried his face in the crook of his elbow. Waiting, Daniel heard a barely audible sigh from Jack and he felt his face flush as he realized that the colonel had been doing that a lot in his presence. So he ignored him and just stared at the floor through the peephole made with his folded limb.
Something warm was placed over his shoulders and Daniel nearly bolted from the couch until he realized that it was an afghan. Then he heard muted steps of socking feet back to the kitchen and the sounds of chopping continued again.
Stinging moisture burned at the corner of his eyes and Daniel sank further into the covers of the woven blanket to hide the angry swipe across his eyes with the back of his hand. He told himself to stop it, to stop shaking and just sit there until it...whatever it was that was making him shake...to go away. The obvious sympathy, the pity he felt when the thick afghan was draped over him was smothering him. To a point that he wanted to scream. Scream that he didn't want it. Scream that it was choking him.
Scream that he didn't deserve it.
Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone?
To Be Continued...Mid-September
-----------------------------© August 29, 2000 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.