Dr. Janet Fraiser sat in her office with a cup of coffee and working on charts, savoring the quiet of the infirmary. It was a rare occasion indeed when the medical facility didn't have at least one or two occupants; it was dangerous work they did at the SGC, and they usually paid in blood for any advances they made against the enemy.
But not today, she had discharged her last patients that morning, and she hoped to not see the marines of SG-3 again for a good long while. If she did, she might be forced to do bodily harm to them herself, and that went against the Hippocratic oath.
The team had encountered a nasty off-world version of the flu that had left them flat on their backs in isolation and in her care for a week. The first few days hadn't been bad because they'd been mostly unconscious and unaware of the world around them. Once they began to feel better, however, they had become a royal pain in the backside. In her expert medical opinion, the only other people on the base who were worse patients were SG-1.
SG-1, whom she hadn't seen in a couple of days she realized. The General had given them some much-needed downtime after their last harrowing mission. They had decided to take Teal'c off the base and show him some of Colorado. She didn't know who she was more afraid for: Teal'c or Colorado.
As if just thinking of the team had conjured him, she heard the Colonel call out, "Hello? Is anybody home?"
Wearily she stood, wrapping her stethoscope around her neck. From the level of tension in his voice, Janet knew her medical services would be needed. She walked into the ward and stopped cold at the sight that greeted her there.
It was SG-1, she knew that, Daniel's blue eyes turned to meet hers; Sam's hair was as blonde as it always was, Teal'c towered over everyone and the Colonel looked very pissed. But there all resemblance to the team known as SG-1 ended. Well, the Colonel was pretty much himself in jeans and a leather jacket if you discounted the dampness around the edges, but the others…
There was nothing she could think of to say. Teal'c was dressed as some sort of exotic warrior with gold baggy pants that bloused from his waist to his knees. There was a sash of more of the gold cloth around his waist, presumably to hide his symbiote's pouch. And, with his tattoo covered with a huge gold turban, he resembled, more than anything, a genie from the old swashbuckler movies she used to watch as a kid. Carter was clad in a yellow gown that skimmed her curves to flow softly down to swirl around her feet, on her head was perched a wreath of flowers with bright ribbons that fluttered when she moved. And Daniel…, Daniel was wearing some sort of blue velvet jacket that stopped at his waist, on his legs were matching… pants? Whatever he was wearing, they were skin tight and very revealing of his masculine form. They looked like refugees from Cassie's high school production of Romeo and Juliet.
She stood gaping until the Colonel coughed impatiently. "Is this an infirmary or a peep show?" He demanded irritably.
Abruptly she became aware that Daniel was clutching a bandaged, bloodstained hand to his chest and Teal'c was looking a little green around the edges.
"What happened?" She asked, hurrying to unwrap Daniel’s hand so she could examine it.
"We went to the Renaissance Festival," Sam answered, not really answering her question at all.
Carefully inspecting the jagged cut she found beneath the layers of bloody gauze, Janet asked, "The one in Larkspur?" The wound was going to need stitches: somehow she wasn't surprised. "Cassie's been wanting to go to that. Why in the world did you go to the Renaissance Festival?" She moved quickly to gather the supplies she would need to take care of Daniel's hand. As she passed Teal'c, she heard a strange rumbling. She wasn't sure if it was his symbiote or his stomach.
The Colonel spoke up, he was shivering a little in the cool air of the infirmary, "Teal'c saw some sort of interview on a morning show. He thought it would be a good way to learn about Tau'ri history."
Janet couldn't help laughing, "Learn history at the Renaissance Festival? You're kidding right?"
"Indeed, he is not, Doctor Fraiser," Teal’c answered for himself, "I did desire to go and experience this ‘unique entertainment opportunity’."
"And so you went in costume?" She bit her lip as she began to work on Daniel's hand. She tried hard not to laugh at Teal'c; besides the fact that he could crush her easily if he really wanted to, he was so earnest in his desire to learn about the history of his adopted world. It was very endearing.
"It seemed the best way to become a part of the experience," he said gravely with complete seriousness.
She glanced over at the shivering Colonel mischievously, "And you Colonel?"
He pulled a blanket off one of the empty beds, wrapping it around his shoulders, "There is just no way I was going to put on tights," was his terse reply. Tights, Janet filed the word away for future reference.
Daniel sat quietly as she cleaned up his hand, injecting a painkiller so she could stitch the jagged wound. "And how did you get wet at the Renaissance Festival?" She asked the Colonel. She could tell she wasn't going to get any details from this group. She was going to have to pull it out of them, by force if necessary.
The Colonel just scowled at her. Finally it was Daniel who answered, "It was his prize from the Drench-a-Wench."
"Drench-a-Wench?" She prompted when no more information was forthcoming.
"It's this drench tank, Janet," Sam told her. "The girl sits on the bench and if you hit the target with this little bean bag the girl falls into the water."
"And the girl fell into the water?" Janet hazarded a guess.
"Oh, yeah, Jack hit the target all three times," Daniel snickered.
"And his prize?" Yes, they were going to make her work for every bit of information.
"A wet hug, except the girl was holding on awfully tight and she and the Colonel took a swim in the tank." Sam bit her lip; Janet could tell she was struggling to keep her own mirth under control.
"I see," Janet said, concentrating on sewing the jagged edges of Daniel’s wound, also desperately trying not to laugh. You didn't laugh at Jack O'Neill, not if you valued your life. "And this," she indicated the hand she was working on.
"Teal'c was playing some game," Sam began.
"The throwing stars are an ancient and honored means of self defense," Teal'c informed them stiffly.
"Whatever," the Colonel picked up the narrative, "he was throwing these stars and this huge barbarian dude approaches Daniel with his sword raised."
"He approached in a most threatening manner." Teal'c's voice had a definite defensive tone.
"Teal'c, he was just handing me his sword," Daniel interjected.
"It seemed to me that he was threatening you, Daniel Jackson. We have encountered threats to our safety here on Earth. I thought it reasonable to take precautions against him hurting you."
"Teal'c, you threw the star at him. You could have killed him," Daniel protested.
"I would not have harmed him, Daniel Jackson. You should have trusted me and not tried to stop the star with your hand. You could have been most severely injured."
"You tried to stop a thrown sharp object with your hand?" Janet didn't even attempt to disguise the sharpness of her tone. "Do you know what kind of damage that could do?"
"I do now," Daniel said, his tone was also a little sharp. His teammates had been lecturing him all the way back to the base.
Janet took a deep breath and let it out. Time to change the subject. "And Sam, did you have an adventure at the Renaissance Festival today?" She quirked a smile over at her friend, who blushed deeply and smoothed the wreath of flowers that was perched on the top of her blonde hair.
"Oh, Sam, was a favorite of the jousters," Daniel reported gleefully.
"Hey, at least they didn't try to teach me the gypsy dance of passion," she retorted hotly.
"No, they just made you their Queen of Love and Beauty," was Daniel's rejoinder.
"Don't call me that," Sam snapped, snatching the wreath from her head.
"So Teal'c, what did you think of your trip to the Renaissance Festival?" Janet asked when the two friends just glared at each other.
"I found it to be quite entertaining, Dr. Fraiser, and informative." As he bowed his head a peculiar look crossed his face, a cross between distress and annoyance.
"Are you alright, Teal'c?" She asked.
"I am fine, Doctor, I thank you for your concern."
"Junior doesn't seem to like some of the things, Teal'c ate today," the Colonel supplied.
"Such as?" She was going to be forced to get out the Sodium Pentathol; she just knew it.
"Oh, you name it, he ate it." Jack waved a vague hand.
"It is not often I have the opportunity to taste authentic Tau’ri cuisine. The commissary often has what you term `mystery meat.' I simply wished to find out what your people normally partake of."
"Teal'c first of all, food at a renaissance festival is NOT authentic Tau'ri cuisine, for crying out loud. Nobody in their right mind eats pickles on a stick, cheesecake on a stick, anything on a stick, or, or, or… Scottish eggs!"
"Scottish eggs?" Janet asked mystified.
"Trust me, Janet," Sam answered softly, "You don't want to know."
"Teal'c, none of that was normal food!" The Colonel finished.
"You may be correct, O'Neill," Teal'c admitted, "My symbiote is experiencing an extreme degree of discomfort."
"Can I get you something?" Janet asked in concern.
"No, I believe I shall return to my quarters and Kel-no-reem. I will be fine."
Janet tied off the stitches and placed a bandage over Daniel’s wound.
"Is it serious?" Daniel asked anxiously.
"Oh, I'll think you'll live," she told him wryly. "Keep it clean and dry. We'll take the stitches out in a week or ten days. So," she asked casually, "Are you going back to the Renaissance Festival? Cassie wanted to go, maybe you could take her?"
"Indeed we are not," Teal'c answered in a definite tone.
"It's way too dangerous," Daniel affirmed.
"I'll think we'll stick with getting our adventures through the Gate. I know what to do with Jaffa when they get too close," Sam shuddered, "The Colonel wouldn't let me shoot the jouster when he got fresh."
"Too much paperwork," the Colonel inserted. "So, kids, what say we head to the commissary and see what kind of ‘mystery meat’ they have for us today, I'm famished."
His companions just stared at him blankly for a moment before they all three rushed from the room, faces blanched. He winked at Janet, "I told them not to eat all that food on a stick, but would they listen to me?" He threw the blanket back on the bed. "I'm just going to go make sure they change their clothes before anyone but you and the duty sergeant actually see them. If any of your nurses got a look at Daniel in that outfit… Well, we could have a riot on our hands." Shoving his hands in his pockets, he sauntered after his team.
Janet stared at his departing back. No one was going to believe this. All too soon, SG-1 would be changed and she could very possibly be one of only a few witnesses. Her nurses would never forgive her.
She glanced up at the security camera with a speculative gleam in her eye. What wouldn't she give to have a tape of them for the SGC Christmas party? With an evil grin, she left the infirmary in search of whomever was in charge of security.
The End
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Having been a performer at my own local renaissance festival for many years, I wondered how SG-1 would fair. And always, thanks to my beta, Sue ;-) You're the best!I've included this, for anyone who doesn't know what Scottish eggs are <g>
Scottish Eggs with Fresh Herbs
Yield: 4 servings
4 lg eggs
8 oz sausage meat
2 spring onions, fine chopped
1 ts finely chopped fresh thyme
3 ts chopped fresh chives
1 tb finely chopped fresh parsley
flour
1 egg, beaten
toasted breadcrumbs
salt
freshly milled black pepper
Hard-boil the eggs by covering them in cold water, bringing it to
the boil, simmering gently for 9 minutes and cooling them under
cold running water. Next mix the sausage meat with the spring onions
and herbs and season well. Then shell the cooled eggs and coat each
one with some of the seasoned flour. Divide the sausage meat into
four portions and pat each piece out on a floured surface to a
shape roughly 5x3 inches. Now place an egg in the center of each
piece and carefully gather up the sausage meat to cover the egg
completely. Seal one by one, first in beaten egg and then thoroughly
and evenly in the breadcrumbs.
Now heat 1 1/2 inches of oil in a deep frying pan up to a temperature
of 350-375 F. Put the eggs into the oil and fry for 6-8 minutes,
turning frequently until they have turned a nice brown color.
Drain on crumpled greaseproof paper.
© September 2003 They're not mine, but that's okay as long as I get to play with them sometimes ;-) The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.