"So how is he?" I scrutinise the woman in the chair opposite.
"He's okay sir," Dr Brightman gives me one of her blank looks. I am convinced that she has perfected this impersonal delivery just to annoy me. Once again I am reminded of just how much I miss Janet.
"Okay? Is that it?"
"Sorry sir. He's still pretty poorly at the moment, but he is responding to the treatment, so I would expect a significant improvement in the next twelve hours or so."
She sits there. The ultimate professional. Cold. Expressionless. And all I want is for it to be Janet on the other side of the desk. Janet would at least have smiled. I could read Janet, get some feeling for the truth behind the facts. She would have let me know that there was a human being looking after Daniel.
This afternoon SG-15 rushed Daniel back from a trip to PX-something-or-other in the throws of an asthma attack.
Asthma. He's never had asthma before. Allergies, yes, but those were always the irritating, sneezy, Kleenex-filling type of allergies, not wheezy, can't breathe, life-threatening type allergies.
When Dr Brightman told me what was wrong, I wanted to tell her no, it's not possible, Daniel doesn't have asthma. He never had asthma when Janet was around, why would he get it now?
So here I am, listening to this emotionless reciting of the facts about how ill my friend is, and I have to be the same. Calm, rational, not overly emotional. Because I have to act the General. I can show some concern, but only just enough concern.
I'm not allowed to go haring down to the infirmary, to pull a chair up next to his bed and sit there until I am thrown out, or am sure that he is well enough to be left on his own. I can't do that because if I do that for Daniel, or Carter or Teal'c, then I have to do it for any one of the men or women under my command.
I can't have favourites. That is forbidden. And although a month ago I could have sat in that chair by Daniel's bed, and no-one would have batted an eyelid, if I do that today I'll be demonstrating favouritism, and that is not allowed.
Janet would have understood. She would have given me more than the bare facts. She would have all but pulled the chair up to the bedside for me. But Janet was different. She had crossed that line that medical professionals aren't supposed to, and had become involved with all of us.
I take a deep breath and dismiss Brightman.
"Thank you Doctor. I'll pop by on my way home, just to check in."
She nods and leaves my office. Leaves me alone with the burden of command and the pain of having to be detached.
oxxo
It's late, and I've changed out of my uniform. I'm on my way home, but I'll just call in at the infirmary and check on Daniel before I go.
The SGC is like a morgue. Everyone's gone bar the few staff who man the gateroom and the infirmary overnight.
Daniel is one of the isolation rooms. It's to reduce the risk of him catching something from anyone else. It's a warm wet October, and half the Earth bound staff are coughing and sneezing, spreading their cold and flu germs to everyone else.
I'm standing in the observation gallery, watching him. Even though he's asleep, he looks tired under the oxygen mask. I can hear his wheezing from here, over the beeping of the machines. He's pale and sweaty, with spots of colour on his cheeks.
Dr Brightman and a nurse are in the room with Daniel, discussing something in low voices. She looks up and sees me watching, then indicates that I should go down and join them.
"How's he doing?" I ask as I arrive in the room.
"Not too badly sir. He's actually improving faster than expected." She smiles, not her usual pre-programmed, automatic smile, but a genuine, somewhat shy smile. It takes me completely by surprise. "You about to go home, sir?"
I nod, biting back the comment that no, I always wander around in my own clothes.
"I was wondering if you could." she tails off, looking a little uncertain.
It's the first time that she's given any sign that she is actually anything but a totally controlled professional. That and the smile.
"Wondering what?" I ask.
"Lieutenant Bridges is due for her break, sir, and we're really short staffed. I've only got one other staff member on duty, and she's currently monitoring Major Stevens and Lieutenant Jones in the main ward."
She stops and I wonder what she is asking for.
"Doctor?"
"We were wondering sir, if." she looks nervous again. "If you would mind sitting here with Daniel until she got back? If of course you don't have to be somewhere else."
My first reaction is to tell her to get lost, to ask why can't she do it herself. And then I realise what she's doing.
She's giving me the chance to stay here, to sit with Daniel for a while, without showing any favouritism. I smile and nod.
"Of course I can Doctor." As I turn towards the bed, I realise that there's a chair there already, waiting. It won't be Carter or Teal'c who left that there. Carter's off somewhere with Pete - meeting his family or something, and Teal'c's off-world with Bra'tac and Ry'ac. Neither of them even knows that Daniel is sick.
I sit down in the chair, and notice a cup of coffee on a table by the bed. It's hot, steaming.
"Is this yours, doctor? Lieutenant?"
Both women shake their heads. "No sir," smiles Brightman. "It's yours."
They leave me alone with Daniel, shutting the door behind them. I take hold of his hand, and listen to the wheezing and the beeping and the hiss of the oxygen through the mask.
Doctor Brightman may be all cool, composed and professional on the outside, but she is human deep down. She just hides it well. She has been here nearly as long as Janet after all. And that means she knows how this place has been run up to now, and how good that was, and how it was the right way for the SGC and the right way for me.
She'll never be like Janet, any more than I'll ever be like Hammond. It's a new era in the life of the SGC and we'll have to move on, like it or not.
What this evening has shown me is that Brightman understands me.
And that's gonna be good enough for me.
Okay - this is one of those slightly bizarre things that hits you out of the blue and won't lie down and die. I noticed that on subsequent viewing of Lockdown, Dr Brightman seems much less cold than she did on first watching. I would also like to thank the Heartsisters for their reassurance that this does work and their ever-present love and support as always - you guys are the bestest! Not beta'ed.
December 8, 2004 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.