Stolen straight from the poorly guarded vaults of the Sci-Fi Channel..... Listed as a first draft.
"Stargate SG-1: The Search for Daniel"
AKA Making Lemonade
ACT I
INT - CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN - BRIEFING ROOM
The remains of SG-1 sit around the briefing table. Daniel
Jackson is conspicuously absent with an empty chair in his
place. The team looks glum. Even FRAISER and the NEW GUY are
there.
JACK
Um, General, I think we made a big mistake in letting Daniel
fritter off in that glow of light.
HAMMOND
How so?
JACK
Well, our ratings aren't that great since he left. I've even
tried dying my hair to pull in the Danielphiles--
CARTER
Danielites.
HAMMOND
The what??
TEAL'C
The worshipppers of all that is and was Daniel Jackson.
JACK
Yeah, they sorta left in droves after Daniel decided to
go all mystical and bop off with Oma Desala to follow his
path.
CARTER emits a sniffing noise, but quickly turns professional looking
when everybody looks over.
HAMMOND
Unfortunately there are losses in war, and we are at war with
the Goa'uld.
JACK
Well, that just ... sucks, sir. And what'isface here...
JACK gestures at NEW GUY several seats away.
JACK
He's useless!
NEW GUY
I don't' know whether to be smart and empathic, or heroic
and estranged.
NEW GUY puts hands to face and starts bawling)
NEW GUY
I'M SO CONFUSED!!!! Nobody likes me!!!!
CARTER shakes her head.
CARTER
Oy.
JACK
See!
HAMMOND
There was back-up Plan C.
JACK narrows his eyes.
JACK
C? What's that?
HAMMOND removes papers from an envelope. They are marked TOP SECRET.
HAMMOND
The Sam/Jack plan.
TEAL'C stands up, pounds fists on table.
TEAL'C
NO!
JACK
Geez, what's the problem, big guy?
CARTER
It won't work. Studies show that Plan C would drive off
other viewers.
JACK (shouting)
What is Plan C?!
TEAL'C
Fraternization between officers is NOT allowed.
TEAL'C says quietly under breath.
TEAL'C
And my role would most likely be reduced substantially.
JACK's eyes widen considerably.
JACK
Oh, THAT Plan C. Yeah, when would we have time to shoot the
Goa'uld? Although.....
CARTER (under her breath)
I'd probably get stuck in tight tank tops.
JACK coughs slightly, then glances over at NEW GUY, who has head in arms,
crying on table top now.
JACK
So, what do we do?
FRAISER
What about the new mission, general?
HAMMOND
Good idea, Doctor.
Hammond points at the briefing folders in front of everyone.
NEW GUY opens up his folder then start sobbing into it. Hammond realizes
recasting, er, reassigning the NEW GUY might be necessary.
HAMMOND
Planet PX1-234 may be just what this team needs. It's populated
by indigenous people who are intelligent, but not as bright as
us, and their planet is being threatened by an unknown alien
entity. They also have a massive collection of tablets.
HAMMOND presses button and a quick slideshow of foreign language tablets
are shown)
FRAISER
Colonel, we need to go to that planet and save those people!
It's the right thing to do. And I really want a look at those
Babylonian tablets....
JACK
What??
CARTER
Wow, for a moment there you sounded just like Daniel,
Janet.
FRAISER puts her finger up her nose as though pushing up a pair of glasses.
FRAISER
Um, it just seemed, what Daniel would have wanted.
JACK stares suspiciously at Janet, who looks flustered.
JACK
Janet?
FRAISER
Jack?
JACK
Ah hah! It's Daniel!
HAMMOND
What are you talking about? That's Dr. Fraiser.
JACK
No, that is Daniel in there. Look! The finger pushing thing
Daniel always did, and Janet never calls me Jack unless I'm
lying croaking on a bed.
CARTER
It can't be. We all saw Daniel ...
TEAL'C
Disappear in a very white ball of light. In fact, it was so
blinding we never could accurately tell precisely where Daniel
Jackson went.
HAMMOND
Doctor??
FRAISER pauses, then suddenly assumes DANIEL JACKSON mannerisms.
FRAISER AKA DANIEL
Something sort of went wrong in the ascension and I'm, um,
stuck in...
CARTER
Daniel?
FRAISER nods dismally.
JACK
This is like that Star Trek with the glowing bowling balls!
CARTER
I thought you didn't like science fiction?
JACK
Well, I've seen a few. You know, the one where Kirk's or
Spock's consciousness ended up in some glowing bowling balls
and Spock ended up in the nurse. And someone fries one and it's
smoking like a barbecue gone bad...
HAMMOND
Is this condition permanent?
FRAISER AKA DANIEL
Oma said she'd be back next week, or was that next month?
JACK
Gee, Danny, would have been nice to tell us!
FRAISER AKA DANIEL
I just thought it was a bad dream or something.
CARTER
Well, thank goodness it wasn't like Search for Spock where
Spock dies of radiation poisoning after sacrificing himself
to save everyone...
CARTER is suddenly angry.
CARTER
Whoa, just wait a minute there!
JACK
Carter. Something wrong?
CARTER glares at Fraiser.
CARTER
Were you going to mention this before or after 2:00 p.m. today?
FRAISER AKA DANIEL
Uh...I... why?
CARTER
Because that's when my physical is!
CARTER looks suitably upset when DR. FRAISER turns beet red and begins
Fidgeting. JACK grins and slaps FRAISER on the back.
JACK
Daniel, you dog!
END ACT I
* * * * *
Alas, had to flee before I could be caught, so was unable to procure the other acts of the show, but I'm sure it will have the same high standard as Act I!
Elyse
September 29, 2001 © The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.