“Carter. Daniel. Move it. Now! Hammond will be organising search parties unless we get back soon!” speaking into his radio, Colonel Jack O’Neill watched the two scientists in his team rushing up the hill to the Stargate.
Major Samantha Carter, astrophysicist, and Dr Daniel Jackson, (archaeologist, linguist and anthropologist with just a dash of accidental hero thrown into the mix), had spent the afternoon evaluating some gismos, carvings and other dull stuff that they had found in a semi-ruined building, and had been quite excited about the discovery. Or they had been at first. Jack and Teal’c, the fourth member of the team, had gone off for re-con – essentially a long walk away from two over-enthusiastic scientists – and on their return, about an hour later, Sam and Daniel had both seemed vague and a little distracted. Their air of confusion had rapidly disappeared as Jack had suggested an immediate return to the SGC for medical examinations, and they had returned to their investigations with renewed vigour. Now, however, time was really running out, and SG1 were due back at the SGC, or else their commanding officer, General George Hammond, would start to worry, and not unduly – SG1 gave him more cause for concern than most of the rest of the personnel on base.
“Sir, I…gotta…” Sam’s radio transmission suddenly stopped, and she turned away from the path that she and Daniel were following up the hill. It was fairly obvious to Jack that she was throwing up, but as Daniel caught up with Sam, he radioed through.
“Jack, we need five minutes, Sam’s not so good.”
“Daniel I can see what’s going on. Just tell her to hurry up and finish and then get her ass up here as quick as she can.” Jack watched as Daniel put his arm over Sam’s shoulders as she stood bent over. He made a mental note to ask Doc Frasier to give these two an extra thorough check up when they got back to the SGC.
He tried to curb his impatience to get back, but having spent an entire afternoon looking at trees, he was bored stupid with this planet, and wanted to get back. He was also concerned, as Daniel and Sam had definitely appeared out of sorts this afternoon, and now Sam was throwing up. Something was up with them. He snorted in disgust as Sam, a hundred feet closer, stopped to throw up again.
“What is it with these two, Teal’c?” he asked, throwing his arms towards the two distant figures in a gesture of both frustration and anger. “They can’t look at anything without it hurting them or it causing some kind of illness or reaction!”
Teal’c just gave his customary response. He raised one eyebrow and said nothing.
Daniel came puffing towards the two of them.
“Jack. I’m worried about Sam. She’s just stopped to throw up for the third time. We need to…”
“Get her back as soon as possible. It’s you two that are stopping us from going home about twenty minutes ago.” Jack’s apparent aggression was merely a device to stop him from showing how concerned he actually was. “Daniel, start dialling.”
Daniel stepped up to the DHD and started to input the co-ordinates for home. In the meantime, Sam arrived at the gate. She looked awful – grey, with bags under her eyes.
“Carter? You okay?”
She glanced up at her CO’s concern.
“Okay-ish I guess. Hurry up Daniel, I’m desperate to go to the bathroom.”
“You gonna barf again Carter?”
“No Sir. I need to pee.”
“Just as well, Janet will want every sample known to man and then some.” Sam winced in response to Jack’s semi-joke. At that moment, the wormhole opened with its characteristic burst.
*
Back in the SGC, the four of them stepped through the event horizon, to be followed shortly by Sam throwing up on the ramp. Once again, Daniel rubbed her back and shoulders, as Jack stood looking uncomfortable.
“Colonel?” General Hammond stepped up looking concerned and slightly disgusted. “I take it that Major Carter’s predicament is why you’re late?”
“Yes Sir.” Jack looked decidedly uncomfortable.
“SG1, report to the infirmary now. We’ll debrief later.”
The four members of the SGC’s premier team disappeared off to the infirmary, three looking fine and one looking decidedly unwell. General Hammond looked at the mess on the ramp, and gestured in its general direction. “Get someone to clear that up.” He turned on his heels and left.
*
In the infirmary, half an hour later, Dr Janet Frasier came bustling back down the length of the ward to where SG1 were sitting in a small huddle of concern around Sam. She was pushing a trolley with a large machine on it. Sam was lying on one of the beds, a sick bowl next to her. She was actually asleep, and had been from the moment that Janet had finished taking her samples and had gone to analyse them. At Jack’s request, Janet had given both Daniel and Sam an extra thorough examination, and just for good measure, she’d given Jack and Teal’c an equally good going over.
“Ok, I’ve evaluated your results and I’ve found that you’ve all four of you have got a very large number of nanytes present in your blood streams. However, only those in Sam’s body seem to be active. There were one or two that were active in Daniel’s sample, but they have since ceased to operate. Gentlemen, I believe that you are all fine, but I’ll need to keep an eye on you. Don’t go off base please. Now, I need to have a chat with Sam, please?” Janet started to draw the curtains around the bed. “Alone?” The three men stood up and left the infirmary, looking like bored teenagers with nothing to do.
Janet started to wake Sam, who rolled her eyes and blinked blearily in the light.
“Hey, Sam. How are you feeling now?”
“Nauseous. And so tired. I just can’t keep my eyes open”
“Well, I know exactly what’s wrong with you.”
“You do?”
“Sam. You’re pregnant.”
Sam’s blue eyes opened wide in shock and disbelief.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“But I can’t be. I haven’t…not for…ages!”
Janet smiled and plugged the machine in.
“Well, this ultrasound should tell us exactly when – we can date you from this. I gave you a thorough exam about four weeks ago, so it would be less than that. When was your last period?”
“About two weeks ago.”
Janet stared at her friend, one eyebrow raised.
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“Well, it’s not unheard of to have a bleed while pregnant – was it the same as usual, or much lighter?”
“Just like normal.” Sam’s voice was barely more than a whisper. Janet started to shake a bottle of gel.
“Let’s check this out. It could be ectopic in which case we need to sort things out quickly.” Janet applied the gel to Sam’s stomach, and picked up the ultrasound device. “ Now, let’s have look in here.” She passed the wand over Sam’s stomach until she found what she was looking for. “No, that’s impossible.”
“What is it?”
“Looking at the foetus, you’re about two, two and a half months pregnant, and you definitely weren’t pregnant when I last checked you out. Mind you, it is possible to have false negatives” Janet pursed her lips. “Sam, are you sure about the date of your last cycle?”
“Absolutely. Besides, I haven’t had sex for well over six months.” Sam’s eyes started to fill with tears. “Janet. What’s happening to me?”
“Sam. I really don’t know. Has anything happened to you on any of the planets you’ve visited?” All Sam could do in response was shake her head as the tears coursed down her cheeks.
*
Twenty minutes later, Janet walked into the briefing room, her heart heavy. Sam had asked her to tell General Hammond and the rest of SG1 what was wrong, but it wasn’t going to be easy. Four pairs of eyes looked up at her expectedly. She took a deep breath, and took her time sitting down. She wasn’t going to rush into this.
“Well, Doctor Fraiser. Do you have any news?” General Hammond’s tone was gentle. He knew Janet well enough to tell that she was having trouble with what news she had to impart.
Janet took a deep breath before she spoke, and stared down at the table, so she wouldn’t have to meet anyone’s eyes.
“I do. I don’t know what to say, or how to say this…” She heard a sharp intake of breath from Daniel, as if he were about to speak, and she noticed Jack put his hand on the younger man’s arm, as if to silence him. “I wanted Sam to tell you this herself, but she wanted me to do it.” Another pause.
“Sam’s pregnant.”
A stunned silence followed her words.
Jack was the first to speak.
“Okaaay. Do we know who the father is?”
Janet glared at him.
“Is that really the most important question, Colonel?” She snapped.
“Is she okay?” Daniel stepped in to try to ease the air of tension.
“She is, but there are some abnormalities with the pregnancy.”
“Such as?”
“The length of the gestation, for a start. The foetus is much further along than it is possible to be, given her last exam dates.”
“What do you mean?” Daniel’s blue eyes were full of concern.
“I gave Sam her usual quarterly physical about a month ago, and for all female staff that includes a pregnancy test as standard. It was negative. The foetus is approximately two months old.”
“How?” Daniel frowned in confusion.
“I don’t know. We don’t know what effect gate travel would have on an unborn child, so that might be a factor, but I suspect that these nanytes are most likely to be something to do with this. The ones in Sam’s blood sample appear to be multiplying at an incredibly rapid rate, while all those present in your samples are starting to decay.”
“Does Sam have any idea who the father is?” Jack was persistent.
“No Colonel. In fact, Sam denies having any kind of relations with any man for quite some time, and I don’t think she would lie about a thing like that, given the circumstances, do you?” Janet’s tone was positively icy, as she glared across the table.
“I guess not.” Jack at least had the grace to look sheepish. There was a brief, uncomfortable silence.
“So, Doctor, what happens now?” Hammond tried to bring things back to normal.
“I’m signing Sam off gate travel until she’s delivered. As I said before, we have no idea what effect it could have on an unborn child. In the meantime, I’m keeping her in the infirmary until we have a better idea of what is going on. I have more tests that I need to run to try to get to the bottom of this.” Janet stood to leave. “If you’ll excuse me, gentlemen, I’ll get back to it now.”
Daniel spoke up.
“Janet, when can we see her?”
“She’s asleep at the moment, but when she wakes up she’ll be fine for visitors, if she wants any.” With that, Janet left the room, leaving four stunned men behind her.
*
An hour later, Sam opened her eyes to find Daniel sat by her bed, frantically scribbling in a notebook.
He looked up and smiled.
“Hi. How are you?”
“Okay, I guess.”
“Janet told us what’s going on.”
“Oh.”
“Sam, if there’s anything you need, anything at all, you just have to say.” He looked embarrassed.
She smiled.
“Thanks Daniel. I’ll keep that in mind.”
Just then, Janet arrived, wheeling the ultrasound machine on its trolley.
“Daniel, do you mind…?”
“Okay.” He stood and started to gather his papers.
“No, Daniel, stay, please.” Sam held her hand out to him, her blue eyes full of unshed tears. “I just don’t want to go through this alone.”
“Okay. If that’s what you want.” He moved round the bed and took hold of her hand.
Janet plugged in the machine, and started to shake the bottle of gel. Once the machine had warmed up, she squirted the gel onto Sam’s stomach, and started to pass the wand back and forth.
“There’s baby…my God.”
“What? What is it?” Sam leaned towards the machine, concern in her eyes. She was gripping Daniel’s hand so tightly that he winced.
“The baby is now measuring the size of a four month old foetus. If it keeps growing at this rate, you’ll be delivering it tomorrow – if you don’t have it tonight.”
“What? How?”
“I don’t know, but this growth rate would suggest that whatever happened to get you pregnant, it happened today, on PX92-486.”
“Sam, can you remember anything?”
She looked up at Daniel.
“No. Can you? I was with you most of the time.”
Janet raised one eyebrow.
“Come to think of it, Colonel O’Neill did say that at one point he found the two of you looking dazed and confused. Do either of you remember what happened prior to that time – when you were alone together?” The two of them looked at each other and shook their heads.
“I don’t even remember Jack and Teal’c going for the walk they said they were taking. Can you, Sam?”
“No.”
Janet was reaching for her penlight, and promptly shone it in Daniel’s eyes.
“I checked you both out for implants at Colonel O’Neill’s request, so there’s nothing going on there. I need to run tests on you both. If I can’t find anything we might have to try hypnosis to get to the bottom of this.”
*
Two hours later, every test that Janet could think of had been run and proven inconclusive. She had managed to convince Dr McKenzie to attend as a matter of urgency, and he was now starting to put Sam into a hypnotic trance. Daniel had been banished, to avoid any embarrassment at what might be revealed. Sam was lying back, her hands relaxed across her now visibly swollen belly.
After a few moments, Sam was completely relaxed and deep into the trance.
“Sam can you remember your trip to PX92-486?”
“Yes.”
“What are you doing?”
“Daniel and I are in the ruins. We’ve found some wall carvings that he’s interested in, and I can sense naquadah somewhere nearby.”
“Go on”
“There’s stuff about Hathor all over the walls…”
Sam walked towards Daniel, who was intently studying the hieroglyphs on the walls.
“What have you found?”
“It’s all about Hathor. It’s going on about this being the place of choosing.”
“Choosing what?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m really confused, as I didn’t think Hathor got off Earth till we encountered her, and this place is too old for her to have created it since then. This must pre-date her arrival on Earth, but it really doesn’t look old enough for that.” He moved further down corridors, his fingers tracing the shapes carved onto the walls. “Hang on – there’s something here about receptacles of honour.” He studied the carvings, muttering to himself as he went. Sam moved off, looking for the naquadah that she was certain was very close by.
“Found it!”
She turned back to Daniel.
“What is it?”
“I think it might be…hosts.”
“Hosts?”
“It’s talking about hosts. It says let those who are chosen become the providers of the receptacles of honour.”
“Providers of the receptacles of honour? That doesn’t sound quite right for becoming hosts.”
“No, it doesn’t. Perhaps there’s something down here, in this room.” He walked down the corridor, his feet leaving prints in the dust. Sam followed him, the feeling that the naquadah was very close by growing ever stronger.
They entered the room together, and were covered in a sprinkling of white dust that fell from above the door. It was so fine as to be almost invisible.
“Wow.”
“It’s incredible.”
The room, which was about twice the size of any they’d encountered so far, was beautiful – the walls were gold-coloured, and covered in intricate carvings. A large pool was in the centre of the room, the water quite stagnant now, but it must have been crystal clear at some point in its past. Low benches, with remnants of fabric draped over them, surrounded it. The floor was covered in blue tiles, with occasional patterns picked out in white and gold. At the far end, two statues stood, one male, one female, both naked, and each about three times life-size.
Daniel turned to the walls. He started to examine the carvings and then blushed. The images were extremely graphic, and told him exactly what happened in this room.
“I think I understand what the ‘providers of the receptacles of honour’ means. It’s all about breeding humans to become hosts.”
“What?”
“Essentially, the idea is that those who are chosen come down here and, uh, breed.” He looked at Sam, and then continued, “The Goa’uld see us as nothing more than a means to an end, and if they can breed hosts, why not? We do it with the animals that we use.”
“Daniel, that’s horrible.”
“Horrible but true.” He wandered off, further down the room, studying the walls as he went. Sam turned in the opposite direction, and then noticed the large urn in the corner. That was where the naquadah was, she was sure of it.
“Daniel. What does this say?” He joined her, and knelt down to examine the writing on the large golden coloured urn.
“Uh, to...uh…receive the...grand, no greatest…honour…Hathor bestows her gift of love and life.” He looked into the top of the urn, and waved his hand to draw Sam closer. “Look at this – it’s beautiful.”
Sam joined him and peered into the deep recesses of the vessel. There were lights flashing down in the depths, and try as she might, she couldn’t pull away from it. She was getting dizzy, the lights were flashing faster and faster, and she was falling, falling….
…When she came to her senses, he was leaning over her, staring at her, pupils so large that his eyes looked black. She was aware that she was breathing heavily, overwhelmed by intense feelings of longing and desire. Her lust was so strong she couldn’t fight it. She had to have him, now. She reached up and grabbed him by the lapels on his shirt, pulling him towards her, and kissed him, hard, passionately. He started to respond, his breathing matching her own, heavy, almost panting.
Suddenly he pulled away.
“Sam, we mustn’t. It’s not right…”
“Shut up Daniel.” She silenced him with a kiss, and this time he didn’t fight her.
Before they knew it, they were tearing at each other’s clothes, desperate for each other. Their lovemaking was animal-like in its speed and desperation, and within minutes they were slumped on the floor in a sweaty, breathless heap.
“God, Sam, what have we done?” Daniel was lying on his back on the floor, his arm across his face, his neck and chest flushed with passion.
“Shut up Daniel.” She leapt on him again, straddling him, and before they knew it they were moving towards another mutual climax.
They had sex twice more, and then dressed in a daze, moving to the outer rooms just before Jack re-appeared. Sam couldn’t focus, her brain felt like cotton wool, then suddenly Jack said something, and the fog cleared. She got on with her work, a vague feeling of unease, like she had forgotten something important.
“Okay, Sam, open your eyes” Sam stared in horror at Dr McKenzie and Janet.
“Janet… I can’t believe it…we wouldn’t…we’re just friends!” The tears started to flow once again.
Janet moved to put her arm round her friend.
“Sam, it’s okay. You weren’t in control of your actions, either of you.”
“But he tried to stop me, I forced him!” Sam was getting hysterical.
“Sam, you weren’t to blame.” Janet just couldn’t calm her friend down, and in the end, concerned about Sam’s blood pressure, she had to give her a mild sedative. She was just leaving with Dr McKenzie to hypnotize Daniel, in order to corroborate Sam’s story, when she bumped into Jack.
“Well, any news?”
“Colonel, we think we know what happened, but we need to check with Daniel.”
“Can I see Carter?”
“She was very upset. I had to sedate her. She’s asleep at the moment.”
“Can I sit in on Daniel’s session?”
“Under the circumstances, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“Why? What happened?”
“Colonel, I am sure you’ll find out soon enough, should Sam decide to tell you, but at the moment I don’t believe Daniel knows himself, and he has the right to find out in privacy.”
Jack squinted at Janet, his brow creased in a frown, suspicion all over his face.
“It was Daniel, wasn’t it? He’s the father?”
Janet managed to draw herself up to her full height of five feet and two inches and meet Jack’s eyes.
“Sir. We need to perform the hypnosis procedure on Daniel, now. I will not tell you what we have found out until after that, and then ONLY with the express wishes of all those concerned.”
“The son-of-a-bitch” Jack strode down the corridor towards the room where Daniel was waiting for them.
“Colonel!” Janet’s shout halted him. “Please. Let us do our work.” Jack stood, head bowed, hands balled into fists.
Then he turned back towards Janet and Dr McKenzie.
“Okay. Do whatever you have to in order to find out the truth – but then I want to know. I have that right. I am their commanding officer.”
“I know. And I have the right to withhold it on the grounds of patient confidentiality.” With that, Janet turned on her heels and marched down the corridor to the room where Daniel was waiting for them.
*
“Okay, Dr Jackson. You can open your eyes now.” Daniel came out his trance, eyes wide with shock.
“Oh my God. This can’t be real” His suppressed memories had been drawn out, confirming what Sam had told them, except that somehow like Sam, he had twisted things so that in his mind he was to blame. “I have to see her, to talk to her. To tell her I’m sorry”
Janet nodded.
“Daniel, we had to sedate her. She was getting so upset her blood pressure was rising to a dangerous level, particularly at this stage of her pregnancy….”
Daniel suddenly looked up, realisation dawning with Janet’s words.
“The baby…. this means that it’s…that I’m…”
“Yes Daniel. You’re the father.”
He sat shaking his head as if to clear it.
“I really need to see Sam now.”
At that moment, Janet’s pager went off. During her brief telephone conversation, Daniel sat in silence, his mind working through the information he had just received in horror and disbelief.
Janet turned back to the others. “I’ve got to go, Sam’s waters have just broken, the baby’s on its way.” She got halfway to the door, and realised that Daniel was staring at her with his mouth open.
“Are you coming?”
“What…?”
“Daniel, you’re about to become a father. I think that entitles you to be there, unless Sam doesn’t want you there, but there’s only one way to find out.”
“Yes, yes! Of course…” he leapt to his feet and followed her.
*
On their arrival in the infirmary, they found Sam in full labour, a nurse at her side, who brought them up to date as quickly as she could.
“She’s about 8cm dilated. It won’t be long. She’s refusing all pain relief at the moment. And she’s been asking for you, Dr Jackson.”
Daniel stepped up to the bed, where Sam was on all fours, hands gripping the sheets so tightly her knuckles were white.
“Sam…Sam I’m here….” A moan of pain was his only answer. “Sam, what can I do?”
She grabbed his hand – tight.
“Ooooooh Go-o-o-o-od! It hurtsithurts it hurts!” She howled again.
Janet stepped up, gloves on.
“Sam honey, I need to check progress okay?”
“Whatever!”
“Janet, can’t we give her something?” Daniel was rubbing Sam’s back with his free hand, but all he could feel was the pain as Sam crushed his knuckles together.
Janet finished her exam.
“No – it’s too late. Sam – you’re fully dilated now – if you feel the need to push you can go ahead.”
“Owowowowowowowowow!” Her yells echoed round the infirmary.
She squeezed Daniel’s hand even tighter, and he felt the joints crunching and popping.
“Sam…”
She suddenly snapped her head up towards him, blue eyes ablaze with anger.
“Fuck off Daniel!”
“Sorry…?”
“Shut up! Oh God…I need to puuuuuuush!”
“Go on then Sam. Push down into your bottom!” Janet spoke quietly, but somehow managed to cut through Sam’s occasional grunts of pain.
“Aaahhh!”
“Good girl. When you feel the next contraction, push again, a big long push….”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHH!”
“Owowow!” Daniel couldn’t help yelling – his hand had definitely just audibly cracked.
“Sam that’s good, I can see the head. Now next contraction, three really big pushes…” Janet’s voice was a centre of calm.
“Oh God it stings…” Sam whimpered.
“Sam, that’s great the head’s out, now just pant for me while I check for the cord…” Janet looked up at the two of them, Sam semi kneeling on the bed, Daniel’s hand gripped tightly in her own. Daniel was stood at her side, rubbing her lower back with his free hand. Janet caught his eye and gave him a smile of encouragement before speaking again. “Okay Sam, next push and we’ll be there…”
*
Ten minutes later, Sam was sitting on the bed, holding her daughter in her arms. Daniel stood awkwardly by her side, not knowing what to do with himself. Janet bustled up.
“Sam, can I take her a minute? We just need to check her over…” Sam clung tighter to the bundle. “I’ll give her back just as soon as I’ve made sure everything’s okay...I promise” Janet gently prised the baby from Sam’s arms, and handed her over to the nurse, who took her off into the corner. As the nurse started to check the baby over, Janet bent down to Sam. “Sam, can I just check you over. I just want to make sure you don’t need any stitches” Sam nodded. Daniel looked at her, confused. “Daniel, why don’t you go and look at the baby?” He stared blankly at Janet for a second, then nodded and moved off to the corner.
He found the nurse weighing the baby.
“Not bad – 7lbs 12 ozs.”
“Er…sorry?”
“The baby, she’s a good weight.” The nurse had already cleaned up the baby a bit. She now put on a diaper with practised ease, and then wrapped her in a blanket. She picked her up and held her towards Daniel. “Here – you take her back to Mom.”
He took the baby in a daze, and stood staring down at the little bundle in his arms. Sam’s daughter. His daughter. Something he never thought would happen, not since Sha’re died. He stood gazing at her – her tuft of dark blond hair stuck up, still a little dirty from the delivery, eyes shut, still puffy from her birth. A drop of water landed on her cheek, and he wondered what it was for a moment, before becoming aware that he was crying.
“Daniel…are you alright?” Janet was standing in front of him, concern in her warm brown eyes. He nodded, temporarily unable to speak. “Sam’s okay, but she wants the baby back…why don’t you go and…” Daniel moved over towards the bed like he was sleepwalking, his eyes still firmly planted on the child that he carried as if it would break.
Sam was sitting up, her eyes glued to the two of them as they moved towards her. She held her arms out for the baby as Daniel reached her bedside.
“Daniel…” He looked at her.
“Sam…” He handed the child over in a daze. Sam cradled her daughter, gazing down at her face, her expression almost identical to the one that Daniel had had on his face not five minutes before. Janet drew the curtain round the bed to give them both some privacy, and not a moment too soon.
Jack O’Neill rushed into the room.
“Where is she – I heard she’s having the baby!”
“You’re too late Colonel – she’s already had it.”
“What?”
“The labour seemed to progress at the same unnaturally fast speed as the pregnancy, fortunately for Sam, without any obvious side-effects”
“Where’s Daniel?” Jack stared at Janet. He knew already, he just wanted her to say it.
“He’s with Sam and the baby. And you are going to leave all of them alone for a while. They’re still coming to terms with this – it’s been less than two days, remember. Most people get 40 weeks to get used to the idea”
“So Daniel is the father.” Janet just shrugged in response.
“By the way Colonel – it’s a girl” Jack stared blankly at Janet. “Just thought you might want to tell Teal’c or General Hammond?” The diminutive doctor put two hands on his chest and started to push the reluctant Colonel towards the door. “Alternatively, Colonel, you can stay here and I’ll just repeat the bloods to check on those nanytes….” These words had the desired effect, and Jack left the room.
*
Behind the curtains, the newest family in the SGC sat in silence, as they had for the last forty minutes. Sam was feeding the baby, while Daniel sat by her side, staring at his hands. Eventually, he broke the silence.
“Sam, I’m sorry.”
She looked up from the child at her breast, confused.
“Sorry for what?”
“All this.”
Her response was a hollow laugh.
“You don’t have to be sorry. From what little memory I have of what happened, you were the one who tried to stop it.”
“But I didn’t…”
“Daniel. It doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter now.” She looked back down at her daughter, who had fallen asleep, a small rivulet of milk running over her cheek. “What do you think of Elizabeth Claire?”
“Sorry?”
“Names – for the baby. After your mother and my mother.”
Daniel stared at Sam, his blue eyes brimming with tears.
“It’s…um…I like that. Thank you.”
“For what? Daniel, she’s your daughter too” She looked at him, he was staring at his hands again. “Here. Can you hold her for a moment, while I get myself decent again?” Daniel took the sleeping child, and cradled her in his arms.
“Sam. I know this wasn’t what either of us could have ever imagined happening when we set off yesterday, but…well…I...er…um…. will you marry me?”
Sam looked up from the final adjustments to her clothing and stared at him open mouthed.
“What?”
“Okay. I understand…you don’t…it’s…”
It was Sam’s eyes that were filled with tears now.
“Daniel. That is so sweet. But…it’s too soon to…”
“That’s okay. I just thought that your father might take it a bit better if I didn’t just get you pregnant and then abandon you with the baby…”
“Oh my God. Dad.”
At that moment the peace was shattered by Jack throwing back the curtains and presenting an enormous bouquet of flowers with a flourish that would make any magician proud.
“Here you go – Mom!”
Sam took them and blushed.
“Thank you Sir.” She placed them on the bed.
“Where is she then?”
Daniel stood up and handed the bundle over to Jack.
“Jack, meet Elizabeth Claire.”
“Hello Elizabeth Claire Carter”
“Actually Sir, it’s Elizabeth Claire Carter Jackson” Sam volunteered.
Jack looked up, a frown on his face.
“Daniel, you son-of-a-bitch – what the hell were you…?”
“Sir, it wasn’t Daniel’s fault…it wasn’t anyone’s fault…it just…happened.”
“It doesn’t just happen…it…!” As Jack launched into a tirade he was cut off by a wail from the baby. “Oh crap! Carter, I’m sorry…I…” He handed the yelling child back to her mother. Sam tried to calm the child, but to no avail.
“Jack, I…” Daniel followed Jack out of the cubicle as Sam started to prepare to feed the baby yet again.
“Daniel…don’t give me any of that circumstances beyond your control crap. You and Carter are adults. You know better than to give in to …to…” Jack shook his head, at a loss for words.
“Jack, I….” At that moment anger exploded in Jack’s mind like a red mist, and he swung for Daniel, who ducked.
Jack stared at the younger man in amazement, his anger dissolving in his surprise.
“You…ducked!”
“Isn’t that what you’ve been telling me to do for the last four and a half years?”
The two stood in silence for a moment, staring at each other.
“So Daniel.”
“What?”
“You’re a father.”
“I know.” Daniel wrapped his arms round his chest and stared at the floor. “To be honest, it’s all a bit of a shock.”
“Ya think?”
Daniel looked up through his eyelashes at Jack, and opened his mouth as if to speak, when Teal’c appeared, holding a small brown bag in one hand.
“Daniel Jackson. O’Neill. Where is Major Carter?”
Jack waved an arm in the direction of the curtained off bed.
“She’s over there Teal’c but…”
“Is there a problem, O’Neill?”
“She’s feeding the baby at the moment. You might want to wait a while.” Jack waved vaguely in the direction of his chest, as if to indicate that Sam was breastfeeding.
Teal’c raised one eyebrow.
“What is O’Neill trying to tell me, Daniel Jackson?”
“Er…that Sam’s…erm…breastfeeding at the moment.”
“Indeed. I will wait until a more opportune moment to visit and pay my respects to her and the child.”
The three of them stood in awkward silence for a moment. Then Janet came bustling back in, papers in hand.
“Daniel, can you come with me a moment? I need to have a word with you and Sam.” Daniel disappeared behind the curtains with Janet, leaving Jack and Teal’c alone.
“So, O’Neill, it is as you suspected. Daniel Jackson is the father.”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe this will cause problems for SG1 in the future?”
“I don’t know. I just know it’s completely wrong.” Jack stood, hands in pockets, scuffing his feet on the floor. “What’s in the bag, Teal’c?”
“Grapes. I was informed that it was an appropriate gift to bring.”
“Let’s see.” Jack held his hand out for the bag. Teal’c handed it over and Jack reached in and took a handful of the grapes. “Come on. Let’s go find someone else to annoy.” He threw the grapes in his mouth and steered Teal’c out of the infirmary.
*
Behind the curtains, Janet was sitting on the edge of Sam’s bed, watching Sam holding the baby, a soft smile on her face. Daniel was sitting in the chair by the bed. They both looked exhausted.
Janet took a deep breath and looked at the sheet of paper in front of her, knowing that what was written on it would shatter this new family before it had even begun.
“Sam. Daniel. There’s something I need to tell you.” Two pairs of blue eyes stared at her. “It’s about…”
“Elizabeth” Sam volunteered her daughter’s name.
“We ran some bloods soon after the baby was born. They were more extensive than is normal, but then, she didn’t have a very normal start to life. They showed an…area of concern.”
“What do you mean Janet?” Sam was confused. She was getting a sense that Janet was trying to tell her something bad, but she wasn’t really registering what was being said.
“Basically, there are nanytes in her bloodstream. Millions of them. They are all active, and they are multiplying at an alarming rate. At the same time, there are indications that some of her…Elizabeth’s vital organs are failing.”
“Janet, what are you saying?” Daniel sat forward.
“I think that these nanytes are not just designed to accelerate the pregnancy, they are supposed to increase the rate of growth of the baby, but there are complications with accelerated growth as we’ve seen in the past…”
“Janet. What are you saying?” Daniel knew what was coming, but he wanted it spelt out.
“She’s dying and there’s nothing I can do. I am so sorry.”
Sam could only shake her head in frantic denial of what she had just been told. It was just too much for her to take in. Two days ago, she hadn’t even been pregnant, and now, all of a sudden, she was told that her baby was dying. She felt panic rising in her chest, tears springing to her eyes.
“No no no no no no! Daniel…” Suddenly, Daniel was the one stable thing that she could think of. She looked at him, hoping for reassurance, only to see despair on his face.
With Janet’s words, Daniel felt his world starting to spiral out of control, the horror of the situation overwhelming him. He felt dizzy, sick, until he heard Sam’s panicky cry for help. Reality shot back into focus. Sam needed him to be strong; he had to pull himself together. He stood and sat on the side of the bed. Taking Sam’s face in both his hands, he looked her deep in the eyes.
“Sam, we’ll get through this somehow. We’ll manage. Whatever happens, we’ll get through this together. I won’t leave you.”
“Daniel. My baby…I can’t…it…” Sam was almost hysterical. Janet went to get a sedative to try and calm her a bit. Daniel stayed where he was, his hands gently but firmly cupping her face, trying to maintain eye contact, but Sam’s eyes were everywhere.
“Sam. Look at me. Sam” She suddenly seemed to be aware of him. “Sam.”
“Oh God Daniel. I can’t cope with this. It’s too much.” First the pregnancy, then finding out that she and Daniel had…now this. Already emotional from the birth, Sam found all rational thought deserting her.
“I know. I know.” Looking into Sam’s eyes, the tears running down her cheeks, his own tears started. He moved slightly, and wrapped his arms around her.
That was how Janet found them on her return – Daniel sitting next to Sam, holding her tightly, while she in turn clung tightly to the baby, who was now sleeping. Deciding that the sedative was no longer necessary, she left it to one side as she approached the bed.
“Hey” She sat on the chair by the bed. Neither of them turned to look at her.
“How long?” Daniel’s voice was hollow.
Janet swallowed hard before replying.
“I…I don’t know, but no longer than a week.”
Daniel nodded.
“Thank you.”
*
Elizabeth continued to develop at the same alarming rate as the pregnancy. After two days, she was the same size as an eight-month old baby, sitting up and attempting to crawl. She had also cut her first tooth. Sam and Daniel were with Elizabeth constantly, not wanting to miss a single moment of what was to be a very short life. One of the VIP rooms had been set aside for the family, and this became the temporary home for the younger half of SG-1. Daniel and Sam shared the big bed, Elizabeth sleeping between them. They couldn’t bear to be parted from her, not even for a few hours sleep.
She was, however, very ill.
Her liver was failing, and so she was permanently jaundiced. She had kidney problems, which meant frequent high fevers and bouts of screaming when she passed water due to chronic urinary tract infections. None ever lasted long, only a couple of hours on average. Janet put this down to the nanytes. Not only were they accelerating her development, they increased the speed at which her body dealt with infection.
Despite all her health problems, she was a happy child, full of smiles and giggles. As a lapsed Catholic, Sam had insisted that the day after her birth, Elizabeth was baptised, with Jack, Teal’c, Janet and Cassie as her Godparents. It was her Godfather Jack who managed to raise the most giggles, as he pulled stupid faces or tickled her.
Most of the staff at the SGC had attended the baptism in the commissary, and as a surprise to Sam, Jacob had turned up.
“Dad!”
“Samantha, when were you going to tell me about this? I had to hear from George that I was a Grandfather again.”
“Er…I…sorry Dad.”
“Sammie – I’m teasing, honest. George told me what happened. I just wanted to be here.” Jacob looked at Daniel askance. “And as for you, Doctor Jackson, I think we need a talk.”
“Er…yes sir…er…I…um…” Daniel flushed, looking really uncomfortable until Jacob winked.
“Daniel, I won’t bite you, honest.” His eyes closed as Selmak took over the conversation. “What Jacob will not tell you is that actually he is delighted to have another Grand-child, although he wishes the circumstances were a little happier.” Jacob resurfaced. “I’ll be sticking around for a while, if George will let me…”
Hammond smiled and nodded his assent.
“How can I refuse a man time with his Grand-daughter, Jacob?”
*
On the third morning, Daniel was carrying her down to the infirmary for her regular check-up, Sam following on behind, when Elizabeth suddenly went blue. He rushed into the infirmary, the limp body of the child in his arms, yelling for Janet. As he laid her on the bed, Elizabeth suddenly coughed and took in a huge, gasping breath.
After examining her thoroughly, Janet took Daniel and Sam to one side.
“It’s her heart. She has a very erratic heartbeat. I don’t think she’ll last much longer. A few hours at best.”
Even though they knew this was coming, both Sam and Daniel were shocked. Daniel shook his head, as if trying to wake himself from a dream.
“Excuse me…” he muttered, and turned and left the infirmary. Sam started after him, and then turned back to her daughter on the bed. Elizabeth was lying on her back, playing with her toes, trying to stuff them into her mouth. Apart from the fact that she was bright yellow, she looked like any normal ten-month-old baby.
“Come on Sweetie. Let’s go back home and wait for Daddy to come back…” Sam scooped up her daughter, and went back to the room she and Daniel had been calling home.
*
An hour later, a knock on the door disturbed her from a deep sleep. She had lain down with Elizabeth when the child had her mid-morning nap and, exhausted by the events of the last week, had crashed out into oblivion. Opening the door, she found Jack and Teal’c grinning at her.
“Carter. You awake?” Jack pushed past her into the room. “And how’s my God-daughter today? Hello Lizzie-bet!” He used his pet name for her.
Elizabeth, who had been woken by the noise, gave him a big beaming smile.
“Major Carter, Daniel Jackson requires your presence in the commissary in 15 minutes. He gave us instructions that you were to dress the child in this.” Teal’c held up a beautiful deep blue velvet dress with a white Peter Pan collar.
Bemused, Sam took the dress from Teal’c.
“What’s he up to?”
“We are not at liberty to discuss Daniel Jackson’s plans with you, Major Carter.”
“It’s a surprise Carter – wait and see.”
*
Fifteen minutes later, Sam walked into the commissary, Elizabeth in her arms. She had put the dress on her, which made the child’s eyes so blue they looked unreal. She had also tidied herself up a bit, as the impromptu nap had left her looking decidedly dishevelled.
The sight that met her eyes left her astounded.
The room was decked out in balloons and streamers, with plate loads of food laid out on one table. A huge banner was hung along the far wall, with the words “HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY ELIZABETH CLAIRE” painted on it. Nearly every member of staff at the SGC was there, and standing in the middle, holding a chocolate cake with a single, lighted candle on it, was Daniel.
Tears pricking at her eyes, she walked over to him.
“You did all this in an hour?”
“I had a lot of help, on condition that they got invited, which is why nearly everyone is here.”
“Daniel, it’s wonderful.”
“She had to have a birthday party before…” he choked on the lump in his throat, suddenly unable to speak.
“Thank you.” Sam whispered, kissing him lightly on the cheek. As Elizabeth came into range, she tried to grab at the candle on the cake.
“Oops! Come on sweetie, time to blow out your candle.” Daniel placed the cake on the table, and the three of them blew the candle out together.
“Smile!” They looked up and Jack took a photo of the three of them. Daniel was about to make some retort to Jack when a little voice stopped him dead.
“Ma-ma” Elizabeth was looking at Sam. “Ma-ma”
“Takes after her father,” quipped Jack. “Talking at three days old. That has got to be some kind of record.” Perhaps that’ll stop the two of them from going all misty-eyed, thought Jack. Then he looked at their faces. Nope. Leaking again.
The party went on for about an hour, and eventually, Daniel moved over to Sam, Elizabeth asleep over his shoulder.
“I’m going to take her to bed.” He gestured with his head at the sleeping baby. “She’s been asleep for about fifteen minutes and my arm’s numb from the shoulder down. You coming?”
Sam nodded. She moved to wipe the trail of drool from her daughter’s cheek. As she touched it, she froze. It was cold.
“Oh God….”
“What is it Sam?” Daniel looked over his shoulder at Sam’s face.
“Oh no. Please no…” Sam was shaking her head in horror. She backed away into Jacob.
Janet heard the commotion and came rushing over. She took Elizabeth from Daniel’s arms, and as she did so, the baby’s head flopped back at an unnatural angle. Her lips were blue, and she was cold. Placing the baby on the nearest table, Janet started CPR, knowing deep down that it was pointless.
“Oh no.” Daniel’s whispered words were clearly audible over the shocked silence that had fallen over the group in the commissary.
Jack instantly took charge of the situation.
“Okay folks. Party’s over. Let’s clear out.” He and Teal’c started to usher people out of the room, till only SG-1, Janet and Jacob were left.
Janet looked up from her desperate attempts to revive the baby.
“I’m sorry…there’s nothing I can do.”
“Nooooo!” Sam crumpled, and Jacob just caught her before she hit the floor. “My baby! My baby girl!” She started to sob, great gasping sobs that shook her whole body. Jacob pulled her upright and wrapped his arms around her.
“Sam…” Daniel’s voice cracked.
“Oh crap,” muttered Jack. He looked at Teal’c and Jacob, who stood at a loss as to what to do.
Janet picked up the baby and held the limp form out towards Sam.
“Do you want to hold her? It…might help…”
Sam shook her head. Then she fought her way out of her father’s arms, rushed over and grabbed the baby from Janet’s hands. Gathering the tiny body to her chest, she ran out of the commissary, Daniel in hot pursuit.
Jack went to follow, but Janet put her hand on his arm.
“Please Sir, let them go. They need time…” She looked at him, blinking back the tears that threatened to destroy her professional manner. “Just be there for them when they need you.”
He nodded.
“Oh I’ll be there Doc.”
“As will I,” added Teal’c.
*
Two hours later, a gentle knock on the door of their ‘home’ brought Daniel back to the real world. They had locked themselves away in the room where Elizabeth had spent the bulk of her too-short life. He looked across at Sam, who was sat on the bed, cradling Elizabeth’s body in her arms, rocking her gently. Her eyes stared sightlessly across the room at the wall. He unlocked the door to find Janet and Jacob on the other side.
“Daniel, can we come in?” Janet’s voice was gentle. He merely turned and went back into the room, leaving the door open. The two visitors entered the room, and closed the door behind them.
Only one side light was on, so the room was dimly lit, but the light was enough for Janet to see her friends’ tear-stained faces and red-rimmed eyes. Daniel sat back down in the chair across the room, his arms wrapped around himself. Janet crouched down next to the bed.
“Sam, can I…take the baby now?” Janet held her hands out. Sam just shook her head in response, and clung more tightly to the child. “Please Sam. There are things we have to do…”
Sam shook her head again, more vehemently this time. Janet looked at Daniel for support, but he wasn’t looking at her – he was staring at the floor, lost in his own grief. Jacob stepped in.
“Sam honey. Can I see her, hold her for a while?” Sam stared at her father, a confused expression on her face. “Please honey. I’d just like one last hug…” He gently prised the child out of his daughter’s arms, and left the room, cradling the child.
Janet sat on the bed next to Sam, and put her arm round her friend’s shoulders.
“Sam, would you like me to give you something, to help you sleep?” Sam stared blankly at her friend. “It might help you if you slept for a while. It’s been a tough few days…”
Taking the silence as acceptance, Janet reached into the bag she’d brought with her, and filled a syringe with a sedative. She injected the drug into Sam’s arm, and then helped her to lie down on the bed. Covering her over with a blanket, Janet stayed with Sam, rubbing her back gently until her eyes closed. As the drugs took effect and Sam drifted off to sleep, Janet turned her attentions to Daniel.
He was still sat in the chair, staring at the floor, gently rocking back and forth, hugging himself.
“Daniel?” Janet knelt down on the floor next to him. He stared at her, confusion clouding his eyes.
“Where is she?”
“Sam? She’s asleep on the bed. I gave her a sedative to help her sleep. I think it would help if I gave you one too.”
“No! I don’t want drugs. I want to…hold her…to hold Elizabeth…. just one last time. Sam…. she…she wouldn’t let me….” His eyes brimmed with tears again.
Janet nodded. She got up and went to the door. Jacob was stood just outside the door, still holding the small body. Jack and Teal’c were hovering in the corridor, not sure what help they could really be, but loathe to go too far away, just in case they might be needed.
“Jacob, can you bring her back in for a moment, please?” Janet’s voice remained calm, while inside her emotions were in turmoil.
“Doc?” Jack moved closer to the door of the room. “Is…what…?”
“Daniel just wants to say… goodbye.” Janet felt her voice wobble, and she fought to get herself back under control. She and Jacob disappeared into the room, and closed the door once more.
Jack looked at the closed door in front of him, his mind a jumble of thoughts and emotions. Teal’c stood stock still at his side, a small spasm in the jaw the only real clue to what was going on behind the mask.
The two of them stood in silence until Janet and Jacob reappeared from the room about twenty minutes later. Janet was cradling a bundled up blanket in her arms. Jacob quietly closed the door behind him.
“Doc…?” Jack stood up from where he’d been squatting against the wall.
“They’re both asleep. I’ve given them both a sedative. It’ll help.” Janet sighed heavily. “I’d really appreciate it if someone could sit with them, be there when they wake up.”
“I’m already there, Doc.” Jack already had his hand on the door handle.
“As am I” nodded Teal’c. “Rest assured Doctor Fraiser, they will not be left alone at any time.”
Janet nodded, barely trusting herself to speak. “Thank you,” she whispered. She headed off down the corridor.
*
Three weeks later, SG-1 was still in total disarray.
The funeral had been a few days after Elizabeth’s death. It had been simple and moving, with very few attendees. To General Hammond’s utter disbelief, the day after Elizabeth’s death, a representative from the NID had appeared in his office, to inform him that the Pentagon refused permission for Elizabeth to be buried on Earth, for security reasons. Hammond didn’t tell the grieving parents that he had been told to either submit the body for research or dispose of it as ‘hazardous waste’. After he had sent the bearer of this news away with a flea in his ear, he had had a brief discussion with Jack and Janet, both of whom had agreed that Elizabeth should be buried off world.
Daniel and Sam had discussed at length which planet should be the final resting place of their daughter, and had finally agreed to bury her alongside Sha’re, on Abydos.
That had been the last time that Daniel and Sam had spoken to each other.
Janet had summed it up after watching the two of them barely managing to stand next to each other during the ceremony.
“They can’t bear to be reminded of Elizabeth, and they each see her in the other.”
She was sat in Hammond’s office with Jack and Teal’c, discussing the logistical problem of having two teammates who were not only not speaking, but were actively avoiding each other.
Teal’c nodded sagely at Janet’s words.
“Unfortunately, Daniel Jackson and Major Carter do not have the benefit of an established partnership to help them overcome their mutual grief.”
“That doesn’t always help, Teal’c,” muttered Jack, thinking back to his own loss, how he and Sara had ended up.
“They also have to come to terms with the fact that it’s barely a month since they…since Sam got pregnant…” added Janet.
“So what do we do?” Hammond looked from one face to another.
“Well,” Janet began, her tone of voice telling the three men with her that they weren’t going to like this suggestion. “They are both officially off-duty, on compassionate leave. I could refuse to sign them back on until they’ve had some bereavement counselling – both individually, and together….” Janet’s face told the others she didn’t like that idea any more than anyone else did.
“Alternatively, we could lock them in a room together until they start yelling at each other.” Jack looked up to find everyone staring at him. “Look… when Charlie… Sara…. I…” he paused, “… well…. I kinda…know… what…you know…” he finished lamely, embarrassed that he might have been about to share something way too personal.
“You could talk to them Jack.” Hammond suggested.
“Sorry?”
Teal’c backed up the General’s words.
“Indeed. O’Neill, you are probably the only one of us who could possibly understand what Daniel Jackson and Major Carter are going through at this time.”
“Colonel, it may help them. If you don’t…. we will have to go for professional counselling.” Janet knew she was blackmailing Jack, but right now she didn’t care.
“Daniel maybe… but Carter?” Jack wasn’t keen to discuss really personal stuff with his 2IC. He was all too aware of the pain the two youngest members of his team were going through. The recent events had brought the pain of Charlie’s death back to the surface.
He thought through what was likely to happen if he didn’t do this. His team would be broken up, and his kids would work themselves into an early grave. They were both already locked away in their respective labs, working on who knows what, even though Janet had signed them both off.
“Okay. I’ll do it. I’ll talk to Daniel and see if we get anywhere. I still think the Doc should talk to Carter…”
“Thank you Jack.” Hammond smiled in what he hoped was an encouraging manner.
“Report back to me after you’ve spoken to Daniel, and we’ll think about what’s the best way of helping Sam.” Janet looked at Jack, who nodded.
*
Daniel sat at the desk in his lab, books spread open in front of him. He was supposed to be at home, but he couldn’t stand being at home, alone. Once he’d come in, he’d found he couldn’t stand other people around him, either being oh-so-bright and cheerful, or full of sympathy and condolences, so he hidden himself in his office.
He thought he’d come in and complete the translation he’d been working on before they went to PX92-486, but that was still exactly as it had been when they’d left. Every time he started to look at it, his mind would fill with images of Elizabeth, the sound of her giggles…
Why was this so much worse than when Sha’re had died? He had felt bad then, but it wasn’t this all-encompassing feeling of grief. He’d been able to blank out the feelings by immersing himself in work. Now…the feelings stopped him from working. It was probably because he had lost Sha’re three years before she actually died, he decided, and her death had been an end to the torment he’d believed she was going through. This time, he felt cheated. He’d had something so precious, for such a short time; he was grieving as much for the what-might-have-been as for what had been lost.
He found himself staring sightlessly at the newest addition to the clutter on his desk – the photo that Jack had taken of him and Sam with Elizabeth and her birthday cake. Sam. He really ought to go and talk to Sam, but the last time he’d tried she’d just wound up shouting and crying and throwing things at him. Sam would probably talk to him when she was ready, and until that time, he’d just stay out of her way. He couldn’t blame her for hating him, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Sam never spoke him again. He’d practically raped her, after all. And the one good thing that had come out of all of this…had been taken away.
A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He blinked back the tears that came all-too-easily these days before speaking.
“Who…who is it?”
“Daniel?” Jack stuck his head round the door. “Can I come in?”
Daniel shrugged. Jack came in, shutting the door behind him for once, and leaned back against the desk.
“How are you?” He didn’t get any response, so continued after a moment. “Why are you here? I thought the Doc had signed you off?”
“Didn’t like it at home. Too…quiet.”
“Want to talk about it?” Jack’s voice was soft.
“No.”
“Danny. I know exactly what you’re feeling. It might help if you did…”
Daniel’s head snapped up, his blue eyes angry.
“No, Jack you don’t know what I’m feeling! You have no idea!”
“And I won’t if you don’t tell me.” Jack moved to sit in a chair, making it perfectly clear that he wasn’t going till Daniel did tell him.
“Jack…I know you lost Charlie, but this is…. different.” Jack didn’t say a word, just raised one eyebrow. “You loved Sara when you…when she got pregnant.”
“You like Carter. Hell, you love her dontcha?”
“Yes, but not like that. Jack, we…were…. friends, and that’s gone. She can’t stand me anywhere near her, and I don’t blame her. I raped her!” He spat the last words out, laden with disgust and self-loathing.
Jack was stunned. He’d expected tears, anger, but not this. He hadn’t realised that Daniel was thinking of what had happened on that planet in those terms. Damn that Hathor! Indirectly, she’d gone and screwed with Daniel’s mind again, only this time he thought, somehow, that he was to blame.
“Daniel…” Jack looked at his friend, who was slumped over the desk, his hands locked over the back of his head. “Daniel. You don’t actually believe that do you? That you raped Carter?”
“Well – what would you call it?” Daniel raised his head and glared at Jack. “There’s a dictionary over there if you want to check the definition of rape.”
“Daniel, I’ve read the report that Janet wrote, and I’ve seen the tapes of both your hypnosis sessions – from what I gathered, there was very little protest on either side. That doesn’t constitute rape in my book.” Jack watched Daniel’s face, saw the emotional turmoil working in his mind, reflected in a myriad of expressions that flew across his features as he thought about what Jack was saying to him.
Suddenly his face crumpled, and he tried to stifle a sob. For a moment he sat with his face buried in his hands, then he spoke, his voice muffled.
“She’s dead Jack. My baby girl’s…dead.”
“Oh crap Danny.” Jack reached out and pulled his friend to him. At first Daniel resisted his embrace, and then appeared to collapse into Jack’s arms. Jack just held him while he sobbed his heart out.
After a while, neither of them knew how long it was, Daniel’s sobs subsided. Embarrassed, he pulled himself away from Jack.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, rubbing the tears away from his face.
“Daniel, there’s nothing to be sorry for.” Jack looked at his friend, concern in his eyes. “Perhaps…. If I’d actually allowed myself to do that I wouldn’t have been in the mess I was when I first met you.”
Daniel finally met Jack’s eyes.
“Would it have made any difference to you and Sara if you had?”
“I dunno. Maybe.”
“I need to talk to Sam.”
“Yes you do.”
“She won’t… let me get anywhere near her.”
“Daniel. She’s grieving just as you are, but it’s different for women. There’s a physical thing involved, especially so soon after the birth…” A strange sound interrupted Jack. He looked up to find Daniel crying again. At a loss as to the best thing to do or say, Jack merely put his arms back round his friend’s shoulders.
*
An hour later, Janet encountered Jack walking into the infirmary.
“Hey Doc.”
“Colonel.” She thought he looked exhausted. “How did you get on?”
“I found out why Daniel’s avoiding Carter. Can we go into your office?”
Safely locked away in Janet’s office, the two of them sat opposite each other, the desk in between them.
“So Colonel…”
“Daniel is firmly of the opinion that he raped Carter, and that she, understandably, hates him.”
Janet grimaced.
“What does Sam say about all this?”
“I haven’t spoken to her yet. Daniel got…. quite upset. He’s asleep now, in one of the VIP rooms.” Jack didn’t go on to say that Daniel had eventually sobbed himself to sleep. Jack ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He felt emotionally drained. “I thought that it might be best if…you spoke to Carter. If she thinks Daniel raped her, then it’s highly unlikely that she’ll tell me about it.”
“You’re probably right. Okay. I’ll go and have a chat with her.” As Jack stood to leave Janet suddenly thought of something. “You said Daniel was in one of the VIP rooms?”
“Yes.”
“Which one?”
Jack thought for a minute, then an expression of horror crossed his face.
“Oh crap. It’s the one where they…lived with Elizabeth.” The realisation of what this might mean hit both Jack and Janet at the same time, but for completely different reasons. Jack was thinking of the impact this could have on Daniel if he realised where he was when he woke.
Janet was more concerned about Sam. She knew that Sam was sleeping in that room, using it as a refuge, as her bolthole when she couldn’t cope. Somehow Sam took comfort from the fact that she was in the place where her baby had spent her too-short life, even though there was now no evidence that the child had ever been there. What Sam’s reaction might be on finding Daniel in there was something that Janet didn’t want to contemplate.
“I didn’t realise which room it was – it was just the first one we came to. Dammit!” Jack was cross for not realising.
“Colonel. I’d better go and find Sam, before she finds Daniel.”
*
Sam shook her head as she stared at the object on the bench in front of her. It wouldn’t work. She couldn’t understand where she had gone wrong. It was…. It was just not fair! She found herself getting tearful again. The walls of the lab were closing in on her, making her feel claustrophobic…she had to get out of this room…. get away from everything….
She rushed down the corridor, willing the elevator to come faster, before anyone saw her. As the doors closed behind her she thought she heard Janet calling her name.
On the VIP level, she was relieved to see the corridor was deserted. Sam rushed to the door of the room and opened it. Entering the room, she locked the door behind her and leaned against it breathing heavily, her eyes closed.
When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see the sidelight was on. She didn’t remember leaving it on when she left earlier. The light was very dim, so it took her a while to realise that there was someone lying on the bed, and she had to walk over to the bed before she realised who it was.
“Shit!” Her exclamation woke Daniel. He stared at her bleary eyed for a moment before he realised who was there, then he became fully alert.
“Oh my God Sam! I’m sorry, I…I’ll go…I…” backing away from her, he fell off the bed, landing on the floor in undignified heap, all tangled up in the blanket that Jack had thrown over him as he slept.
There was a long pause. Daniel didn’t move. Sam suddenly felt concerned for him.
“Daniel? Are you alright?”
Another pause. He coughed gently.
“Yes, just winded. I thought it might help if you couldn’t see me.”
“Sorry?” Sam had no idea what he was talking about.
“Sam, we need to talk.”
“Yes we do.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For…. forcing you to…” his disembodied voice floating up from the floor suddenly struck Sam as funny. She laughed. The whole stupidity of the situation combined with her over-emotional state from her earlier panic attack got to her and she began to get hysterical, laughing and crying all at once.
“Sam.” That’s it, he thought, I’ve driven her over the edge. She really can’t cope with this. “Sam, are you alright?”
Sam took a deep breath, and tried to suppress her hysterical giggles.
“Sorry Daniel, but… this is ridiculous! I can’t have a conversation with you if I can’t see you.”
His head, hair all stuck up every which way from sleep, appeared over the edge of the bed as he sat up.
“Are you sure?”
“Daniel – get up off the floor. I’m not talking to you until I can see all of you.” He got up, and started to move away from the bed. “Daniel, sit here.” She patted the bed where he’d been sleeping.
“You sure? I…er…didn’t think you’d want…me around…”
“Daniel…” the tone of her voice and look in her eyes got the message across. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his back to her.
Sam took a deep breath before she spoke. “Daniel – have you been avoiding me because you think you forced me to…forced yourself on me?”
He nodded.
She smiled at his little-boy-lost look.
“The way I remember it…I forced…you….”
He stared at her over his shoulder, mouth open.
“But…”
“Daniel. You said we shouldn’t. I told you to shut up. That doesn’t sound much like…you pressuring me, does it?”
“I guess not. Jack said from what he read in the reports, we were equally to blame.” Daniel stared at his hands. “I guess the real blame lies with…. Hathor.” His voice became a whisper.
They sat in silence for a moment, each wrapped up in their own guilt and unease at what had happened between the two of them.
Sam broke the silence.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
*
Outside the door, Janet was stood listening at the door, but couldn’t hear what was being said. She was trying to work out if the two of them were yelling at each other, or talking, or sitting in silence.
“I’m sure I could hear voices, but it’s gone quiet now,” she muttered.
“Dammit! Why did they have to be in a room without a camera? We should never have let Daniel have them taken out for the snakeheads!” Jack was pacing up and down; frustrated that he couldn’t get in there and help his kids.
“O’Neill. I am sure we could force the door open if you believe it to be necessary.” Teal’c stood calmly to one side in complete contrast to the agitated colonel.
“It has gone very quiet in there, Sir,” added Janet. “Under normal circumstances I’d say they’re okay, but these aren’t…. normal circumstances.”
General Hammond appeared at that moment.
“Colonel? Doctor? What’s the situation?”
“Daniel and Carter are locked in that room and we have no idea what’s going on!” Jack paused. “Sir,” he added, very much as an after-thought.
“I am prepared to open the door by force should O’Neill or Doctor Fraiser consider it to be necessary.” Teal’c gave a small bow of his head to punctuate his statement.
“General. They were talking, I could hear voices, but it has gone very quiet in the room.” Janet looked slightly uncomfortable admitting that she’d been listening at the door, but carried on anyway. “I propose that we leave them for another hour, and then knock on the door.” She glared at Jack and Teal’c.
“Doc. It’s gone quiet in there. What if they’re hurting each other?” Jack’s face clearly showed how frustrating he found the situation.
“Colonel. I do believe it was you who suggested locking them in a room until they yelled at each other?” Hammond pointed out.
“Yes…I know. But they haven’t been yelling at each other, Sir. It’s just too damn quiet!”
“Colonel. I’m going with Doctor Fraiser on this one. Give them an hour, and then we’ll look into a forced entry to the room.” Hammond gave a Jack a warning look as his frustrated 2IC opened his mouth to protest. “If there’s any change, keep me informed.” And with that, the General left the three of them to their vigil.
*
Inside the room, Daniel and Sam were sitting side by side on the bed. They’d adjusted their position so they were leaning against the headboard, feet up on the bed. Although neither had said anything for some time, they each took comfort from the presence of the other. They had been avoiding each other simply because they believed that being around would cause the other further grief and pain.
“Sam. Why did you come here?” Daniel realised he didn’t know why Sam had burst in on him while he was asleep.
She looked embarrassed.
“I could ask you the same thing.” That’s it Sam, she thought, deflect a difficult question with a question.
“Okay. If I tell you, will you tell me?” There’s no way she will, he thought, even after everything that’s happened.
“Maybe.” Stay non-committal, she thought, suddenly feeling acutely embarrassed and just a touch ashamed of the way she was dealing with this whole episode.
Daniel sighed, and took his glasses off, placing them on the table by the bed.
“I’d been talking to Jack…about…. everything. It got too much,” he stopped as his voice cracked slightly.
Sam glanced at him out of the corner of one eye. She could see one lone tear tracking down his cheek.
“Daniel…”
Eyes closed, he shook his head, and waved one hand at her, as if to silence her. He took a deep breath and licked his lips before he carried on.
“I hadn’t slept in days. Jack brought me here, told me to sleep. I was exhausted. I don’t even remember getting here…” He sucked air in rapidly as the tears came rushing back. “I miss her so much…”
Sam merely nodded in agreement. She couldn’t speak. Tears coursing down her face, she put her hand on his shoulder, and the two of them fell into each other’s arms as they finally shared their grief.
For ages, they sat like that, unaware of the passage of time. Even after they had stopped crying, they continued their embrace, each comforted by the other’s physical closeness. Eventually, Daniel pulled away.
“Why did you come here? You never said.”
Sam wiped her eyes, found a tissue in her pocket, and blew her nose before she spoke.
“No. I didn’t.”
“So?”
She smiled, a little sheepishly.
“I’ve been having panic attacks. This is where I feel safest.”
“Why?” Daniel was confused.
“Daniel, this was our room. The one we shared with… with… Elizabeth.” Finally, she thought, I said her name out loud, and I didn’t collapse into a blubbering wreck.
“Oh. I hadn’t realised.” He looked around the room as if seeing it for the first time. Then he gave a small, embittered laugh. “Take the personal stuff out of it, and they all look the same.”
“It’s not exactly like the others though.” Sam reached into the drawer in the nightstand. “They don’t have this in them.” She handed the object in her hand to Daniel.
Bemused, he unfolded the piece of cloth. It was a sleep suit, a tiny pink sleep suit. As realisation dawned as to what it was, his eyes filled with tears again.
“Smell it,” whispered Sam.
Daniel lifted it to his nose, and caught the merest hint of Elizabeth’s scent. He breathed it in, a mixture of baby products, nappies and his daughter’s own unique perfume.
“I find it helps,” murmured Sam, her voice thick with tears. “It’s all I…we have left of her now.”
Daniel reached out and pulled Sam close to him again. She pulled the sleep suit closer to her face, so she too could breathe in their daughter’s essence. They dozed together for a while, the tiny piece of clothing draped across them both.
Daniel broke the silence.
“Sam. We had a baby together.”
“So?” Sam was confused. Daniel wasn’t prone to stating the blindingly obvious.
“So…where does this leave us? Our friendship?”
“We’re still friends. I just need time to get my head round the fact that… we had sex.”
“You’re sure we’re still friends?” Daniel wasn’t looking at her.
“Yes. Why, aren’t you?”
“I just...um…er… I know that sometimes when two friends have…um… sex… they can’t be friends anymore. The…er…the sex gets in the way.”
“Daniel, you sound like you’re talking from experience.”
“A college friend, who isn’t any more…” he tailed off.
“If it’s any consolation, I can’t really remember much,” volunteered Sam.
“I’m not sure if I should be relieved or insulted by that…” he said, a grimace on his face. “Do you know what the worst thing is?”
Sam shook her head. She wasn’t quite sure whether he was talking about their friendship or his past, or something else.
“What?”
“There’s nothing on this planet that acknowledges that she… that Elizabeth ever existed. There should be something.”
“You’re right. There should be something.” Sam shook her head, tears prickling in her eyes again. “But outside the SGC, she never did exist. We can’t get a memorial stone put up just anywhere.”
“Not just anywhere, no. But I know somewhere where we can put something.”
“Where?” Sam stared at him. He opened his mouth to reply, when a knock on the door interrupted them.
“Daniel? Carter? You okay in there?” Despite the door muffling Jack’s voice, his concern was obvious.
Daniel smiled at Sam as he slid off the bed, grabbing his glasses from the nightstand as he did so.
“I’ll tell you later, in the meantime… I guess the SGC’s resident mother hen needs his mind put at rest.”
As Daniel went to open the door, Sam checked herself in the mirror. Her eyes and nose were both red from the crying, but other than that she didn’t look too bad. A little pale and washed out, maybe, and the repeated nights of broken sleep had left her with huge purple bags under her eyes. She realised as she ran her fingers through her hair that she felt better than she had done in ages – not since she found out she was pregnant, really. Talking to Daniel had really helped her. Jack’s voice broke through her thoughts.
“Carter? You okay?”
“Yes Sir.” She turned round to find her CO scrutinising her carefully, a worried frown on his face. Daniel stood to one side, smiling at her. He gave her a wink and mouthed, “We’ll talk later”. She nodded back. Janet and Teal’c finally managed to squeeze past Jack and come into the room, closely followed by General Hammond.
Daniel looked at the expressions on their faces and shook his head.
“I think we worried them, Sam.”
“Worried? We weren’t worried,” Jack protested. He looked from Daniel to Sam, then from Sam to Daniel, and finally he shrugged. “Well, maybe a little. You were in here ages!”
“Don’t worry Jack. We needed to do this.” Blue eyes met brown as Daniel fixed Jack with a meaningful stare.
“Sure you’re okay…. both of you?” Jack looked from one to the other, trying to ascertain whether or not they were lying. He knew from bitter experience that they were both more than capable of hiding the truth behind ‘okay’.
“Yes Sir. We’re fine.” Sam nodded at Janet who wasn’t saying a word, but was asking all sorts of questions with her eyes, facial expression and body language. “Really,” she affirmed.
Hammond took the subsequent silence as his opportunity to take control of the situation.
“SG-1, you are all on stand-down for the next week. Go and take some much needed R&R – that’s an order.”
*
Three weeks later, a small, sombre group gathered in a parking lot. SG-1 plus Janet stood awkwardly for a moment, then, at a nod from Daniel, moved slowly towards the small building set to one side.
Jack watched Sam and Daniel carefully, trying to assess their moods from their body language. They led the group, slightly apart from the others. Jack noted that although they seemed subdued, they appeared surprisingly relaxed under the circumstances. He still had no idea what had gone on when Sam and Daniel had been locked in the VIP room together, but whatever it was, it had gone a long way towards getting SG-1 back to normal.
As they entered the building, which resembled nothing more than a very wide corridor with doors at either end, a member of staff from the garden of remembrance met the group, and ushered Sam and Daniel off into a side room, leaving the other three alone.
Teal’c was the first to break the silence.
“I do not understand the significance of this place.”
“It’s a garden of remembrance for babies, Teal’c.” Jack looked at Janet for assistance.
“Teal’c, this place has been created for the parents of babies who die shortly after birth, or who are still-born, or born too prematurely to survive. It allows the parents to have somewhere to go where they can feel close to the child, particularly when they don’t have a grave to visit.” Janet smiled nervously, awkwardly holding the small posy of flowers that Sam had passed to her before going into the office.
“I see.” Teal’c stared off into the distance for a moment. “Daniel Jackson and Major Carter do have a grave they can visit – on Abydos.”
“But it’s a lot easier for them to come here than to get permission to take a trip through the gate for personal reasons…” Jack tailed off as Daniel and Sam came back out of the office.
“Okay – it’s this way.” Daniel indicated the other door.
The group walked in silence down a wide gravel path, lined on either side by beds of flowers and shrubs. At the foot of each plant was a discreet white marker stone, each bearing an inscription. Some had photographs, some not. A lot had flowers lying next to them.
After a couple of minutes, Daniel stopped. He checked the nearest sign at the junction of two pathways.
“I think… yes… this is it.” He and Sam looked at each other. “You okay?” he asked.
She nodded, the lump in her throat making it impossible for her to speak. He took her arm and they walked slowly down to a white rose bush, the others following at a discreet distance. Sam crouched down and looked at the small white stone. She brushed away one leaf that had fallen onto the stone.
Daniel squatted down next to her.
“Alright?” he murmured.
She looked back at him eyes shining with unshed tears and nodded.
“Perfect.”
Janet stepped up and handed Sam the small posy, which Sam placed next to the marker stone. Then she and Daniel stood back up. Jack and Teal’c joined the other three, and the five of them stood in silence for a few moments, during which time everyone except Teal’c shed a few tears.
“Come on,” murmured Jack, to no one in particular, but Janet and Teal’c knew what he meant, and the three of them headed back towards the cars, leaving Daniel and Sam alone with their thoughts.
Jack looked back towards his kids, and realised that they were going to be okay. It would take time, but they were going to be alright, of that he was certain.
Once the others had gone, Daniel put one arm over Sam’s shoulders.
“You okay?”
“Yes. Thank you.” Sam wiped her eyes with a tissue.
“Sorry?”
“You were right about this place. It’s perfect.” She looked out across the gardens. “So many babies…” She shook her head and looked up at Daniel. “We ought to get back. The others will be waiting.”
“Yes. We can come back anytime – this will always be here.” They smiled at each other, and strolled back towards the cars.
The sun came out briefly and picked out the lettering on the small white stone under its rose bush –
Elizabeth Claire Carter Jackson
3 days in our lives,
Forever in our hearts.
“A little bud, lent not given
Plucked by God to bloom in heaven.”
The End
I had this idea in my head anyway and found this challenge that fit when I was browsing! This is not a particularly nice story – I’ve done something foul to our guys, but I think they’ll come through it in the end. I hope so – they need to be fit for the next story. Sam is behaving a little out of character, but pregnancy can do that to you. The quotation at the end was used by friends of ours at their baby’s funeral. I’ve been trying to find out who the poet was, but not succeeding – apologies to whoever for not crediting you…
Challenge Details:
Sam discovers she's pregnant. Who's the father? Jack? Daniel? A man from one of the planets they have visited? Also:
1. Father can't be Teal'c {unless it's alternate universe}.
2. Must have a flashback scene.
© August, 2002. The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.