I think that makes it number three, Danny boy.
No... Make that four. I forgot about P5J701.
And when you wake up...I'm going to kill you.
Well...maybe just shake you around...no... Maybe holler at ya.
Or at least...yell a lot.
"Sir?"
Carter was tapping me on the shoulder again and I know what she's going to say next.
"I'm fine here, Captain."
"We could stay here. You could go get some rest, sir."
As if I could actually lie down on a bed and get any sleep, Carter. "No, no. I'm fine where I am now."
"You have not left for over twenty hours." Teal'c of course would know. Man has his own internal clock somewhere. Remember Daniel gave him a watch a while back but couldn't get the guy to get the hang of reading the digital face for the time. Twenty hours, huh? Feels like twenty years here. Daniel, you're sure taking your time here.
"Janet said he was going to be okay, sir." Carter said softly as she stood over me. She sat down carefully on the edge of the bed and tucked Daniel's hand back underneath the covers.
Sure. Okay. Somehow the sight of all those damn tubes running up and down his bed, the oxygen mask, and the freaking machines beeping doesn't quite convince me. I'll believe it when I see it.
"He will be okay, Carter." That's right. Look convinced here. Can't have them doubting it for a minute. He will be okay. His ears may ring after I give him hell, but he'll be okay.
He just had to wake up first.
"Go get some breakfast or something." I said as I looked up at her. I know Carter. She and Daniel could spend hours, hell...days without sleep doing some experiment that I don't want to know about but am bound to hear about later. Those two would come staggering out of the labs, still energized even if they did spend the entire day stuck inside a lab. So I know that usually...usually Carter can forego sleep. But the tired lines around her eyes tell me that this is not one of those times.
"What about you, sir?"
Me? I think my ass is permanently glued to this goddamn chair. "I'll be right here. Go. You and Teal'c get something to eat. Might as well get me a coffee too." I just don't know if I can swallow anything right now.
"Well..." She looked hesitant.
"Teal'c." I nodded towards the captain. Knowing him, he wouldn't leave either unless I make it an order. "You two get something to eat. Go."
"You'll be right here?" Carter still wasn't budging.
Where else would I be, Carter?
I shrugged. "Yeah. I'm going to rest my eyes here. Just get me a strong coffee, okay?"
Carter nodded and I barely made a smile as the two finally left. I appreciate their company and I know Daniel probably does, too, but if they had stayed any longer I might have started...throwing things. Like that chair over there. I could probably toss it out of this infirmary. Maybe that empty IV stand. Through the lab window perhaps?
This is nuts.
The goddamn machine, with all its fancy gizmos that monitor his heart rate, his breathing, his blood pressure, and probably even his goddamn dreams, doesn't tell me the one thing I want to know.
What in God's name was he thinking?
I didn't even see it coming.
Just heard my name screamed out as if it were God Almighty himself. Turned around and saw Daniel charging towards me like a torpedo, shoving me out of the way. And getting himself into the line of fire.
Damn.
Even thinking about it now gives me the shakes.
"Come on, Daniel." I murmured as I shifted once more in my seat. What are these chairs designed for? Certainty wasn't for stressed out graying colonels on a vigil. The way the back's shaped, feels like its more for a spineless lizard with legs six inches long.
I think this is the same chair I was sitting at last time...for...let's see...I think it was for number two. No, three. No. Three was in a private room. That was a bench. Yeah. It was number two, after coming back from P3X797. After Teal'c telling me that the Touched got him.
Damn.
Isn't there at least one memory from a mission that doesn't end in the infirmary?
Now that mission wasn't fun either. Bad enough the Touched captured him and I had to deal with a guilt-ridden Jaffa apologizing over and over again for losing Daniel on the dark side of the planet. But turning around after 'gating' home and catching one unconscious linguist before he rolled down the ramp was the worst. Especially when you find out later on that not all his injuries were from that ordeal.
Shit.
I still don't remember much about that. Beating Daniel to a pulp for some misconceived notion of possessiveness. Even when Doc cured me of my...what did Daniel call it? Yeah...Neanderthal tendencies...Christ...why not just call it cave man angst, for crying out loud? Even when Doc got me all fine and dandy again, I still didn't recall much about that fight in the observation booth. I remember vaguely slapping him around a bit. I thought that was all. Daniel may not be military, but surely he could handle a few blows like that.
Then I saw the bruises.
Damn, my hands are shaking again. O'Neill, what the hell's wrong with you?
Those bruises...they were on his sides, his back, his forearms. I could have sworn some of them had the distinct shape of a boot heel on some of them. My boot heel as I stomped and kicked him. He must have flung his arms up to protect himself.
Why the hell didn't you just fight back, Daniel? Huh?
"Why?" I nearly jumped. Didn't realize that one slipped out. I looked around again and was relieved that no one was near enough to hear. Then again, why wasn't there anyone nearby? What if something goes wrong here? What if-
O'Neill, stop it.
This is not doing me any good here. Sitting around watching Daniel's face go three shades whiter than before. I'm not doing any good here. Watching a man I was responsible for getting poked and prodded by every medic we've got in lovely SGC. I should be out there, checking on the team that was sent back to that planet. See if they found any more traces of those serpent heads. Go see if my report was okay with the General. Maybe join Carter and Teal'c for some breakfast.
So why am I not moving?
Do I have some morbid fascination with watching him lying there, still as stone? This is nu...
Did he lose weight? He looks like he lost wei...what the hell am I saying? How could he lose enough noticeable weight in just twenty hours? He didn't lose weight.
But he does look smaller on that bed. Almost like...a little boy.
Damn. Bad memory trip coming. Push it down, O'Neill. Don't even go there.
But he does look like a kid sometimes, running off as soon as his feet touched terra firma. Its like he heard some sort of starter gun. Bang! And there he goes- down the stairs, whipping his camera out, around weird looking statues, over those rocks, tripping over every blade of grass in sight!
I chuckled. That image just popped into my head there. I remember mentioning to Carter on one such mission that I wished I had one of those retractable leashes. Hook it up to his waist and as soon as he runs too far, reel him back in.
Laughter escaped my lips and I had to clamp my hands over my mouth. Damn. If those medics hear me, they're gonna think the old colonel needs a nice sedative right now.
"Colonel O'Neill?"
Ah shit. They are here to cart me off to a padded room.
I looked up and was relieved to see that it was Doctor Frasier. "Doc."
"I need to take Daniel's vitals." She said apologetically.
Shrugging, I waved her off. "I know the routine, Doc. Just don't mind me."
Doc just looked at me as if she was tempted to argue with me about getting some sleep, but she clamped her mouth shut as she recalled the last time she tried to convince me. That conversation didn't go anywhere that time either.
Ignoring me now, she checks those monitors. She's scribbling down numbers off those screens.
Well? Is it good or not?
Janet's turning back around again and she pulls out her stethoscope. Leaning forward, she listens to Daniel's chest. She had to pull back the hospital gown a bit, so I got a very good look at the bloody bandages underneath.
It was like some sort of dream in slow motion.
I can see Daniel's scared face as he tried to reach me. Before I could even have a chance to dodge the staff weapon blast, I feel hands on my back, shoving me down hard to the ground. Then the blast came.
It was the loudest thing I had ever heard. It was as loud as a...as a gunshot on a warm summer day, outside on a backyard-
Don't go there, O'Neill.
Push it away. Push it away.
He...he cried out. I heard him scream as the blast struck the ceiling above us. I could smell the dust and smoke as it collapsed right on top of us. Carter and Teal'c's voices were suddenly shut out from me. And I was left alone with Daniel, trapped in the dark.
I didn't know.
I swear I didn't know he was hurt that badly.
My legs were pinned under rubble and my only sense left was my ears. My eyes didn't do me any good because it was so dark. To occupy myself with something else besides listening to Carter and Teal'c trying to dig us out, I used the time to...scold Daniel.
I winced as I remembered my heated words. I yelled at him for acting so foolishly, for taking such a risk. Screamed at him for being so careless, accusing him of not thinking, of taking too many chances. I think I even called him an idiot at some point. Had I been standing up, I probably would have started waving my arms angrily, stopping short from punching him out.
And he took it.
All of it.
Didn't say one word.
Daniel just lay there, pinned under sharp stones, silently suffering as his cracked ribs pierced a lung. He said nothing to me as he slowly drowned in blood that was filling up his chest. Didn't say anything at all.
He didn't say one word until I was able to get over to him finally and saw all the blood. I had whispered his name in shock as Teal'c had begun his speedy rendition of Hercules and started hurtling rocks away like they were pebbles. And what does he say? Through all that pain that I know he must have been feeling. What does he say after listening to me call him all sorts of names?
He asked if I was okay.
Damn it, Jackson.
"Colonel? Jack?"
Janet's looking at me worriedly. So I smiled, forcing the corners of my mouth to curl upward. She wasn't fooled.
"This is not helping Daniel."
I know that. Don't you think I know that?
"He's going to be okay. We've inflated the left lung again. The chest tube was pulled out when it was strong enough and we've stopped the internal bleeding. His fever came down and there's no sign of any more infection. His concussion shows no permanent brain damage. He's going to be okay."
You're telling me all this; rattling off all his injuries like some freaking shopping list and then tell me he's going to be okay? He's not okay. All right? He's not. Daniel pulled one too many 'I-can-save-the-world' stunts. He's getting new scars over ones that hadn't even had the decent time to fade yet. And...He's too damn quiet right now.
Never thought I would see the day when I actually think he's too quiet.
"Colonel?"
"I know." That's all I felt like saying. Don't ask me to salute right now, because the way I feel, I might poke myself in the eye.
"So I can't convince you to go get some sleep?"
I'd like to see how you're going to pry away one hundred and seventy pounds of rage and frustration right now. I don't think you have enough people on base that could make me leave here.
"Nope."
Janet sighed, grabbed a blanket from the adjacent bed and tossed it over to me. Thank God I caught it, despite my numb limbs. It wouldn't be convincing to her if I had to fumble around to catch it.
"At least give me the illusion of you napping on that chair." She patted her pocket. "I have enough sedatives to put you under until the millenium if you don't.
Shit, I think she really means it.
I smiled and draped the blanket over my legs. "I'll sleep, Doc. Just for a bit."
"Eight hours and I'll wake you."
"Three hours and a cup of coffee." I challenged.
"Six hours and a cup of tea."
"Four hours and I won't bug you every single time you come to check his...vitals."
Frasier looked at me for the longest time. Made me wonder if she would really try to tackle me and stick a needle full of seds in my ass. Then she sighed.
"Four, it is." She glared at me, tapping her watch. "Starting now."
I'll close my eyes, Doc. But I don't think I'll be getting any sleep. It's too quiet here. It smells like medicine everywhere. But I'm not moving either.
"Sure, sure." I closed my eyes, pretending to go deeper within the blanket. This chair is digging up my spine. I'm not getting any sleep...I'm getting a hernia.
Doc shuffles around again, checking on Daniel one last time. Then I hear her walk away. I waited a few seconds and cracked one eye open.
Gone. All clear.
Sitting up, I let the blanket drop to the ground. Daniel is still out. And I am left still wondering why.
Damn it.
Asked if I was okay.
If I was okay.
Sure, Jackson. I'm fine. I always come out of these missions perfectly fine. It's you I'm...worried about.
Shit.
Guess I am worried.
When did that happen?
When did he become my responsibility? When did I start craning my neck, trying to keep an eye on that one permanent coffee high? When did my hair start graying?
I guess it was from the moment I said yes.
When he asked to join my team, after returning from Abydos, I had hesitated. No...I had argued with him. The whole night in my living room. Back then, I couldn't see it. Then he looked at me and told me quite seriously that he needed to be out there. Needed to find his wife Sha'uri. Needed to find Skaara.
Like me.
And I said...yes.
That's when he became my responsibility.
And I still can't picture it.
Daniel never wore the uniform right. It always ended up looking like a sweater put on backwards, wrinkled and rumpled. Had he been in my brigade back in the olden days, he would have been sent off scrubbing the bunkhouse with a toothbrush. Helmet never looked like it fit his head, glasses all crooked, and his pistol strapped on the wrong way. Not that he would use it anyway. Christ, his salute looked more like a wave hello or goodbye. He barely stood straight, always hunching over. Never listened to orders. I tell him to wait and he runs off. I tell him to be careful and he runs off. I tell him to stay quiet and he...runs off.
Christ, why did I say yes? What in the world was I thinking?
What in the world was he thinking?
Shoving me away, saving me from a shit load of pain.
Wasn't that my job?
Wasn't it supposed to be me telling Daniel to stay down, out of sight? Keep your head down. Watch your back. Run fast to the DHD. Get the hell out of there.
When did Daniel get a new script?
Daniel's shifting again. I lean forward and try to hear if he is waking up. He turns his head a bit, winces, and then settles back to sleep.
"Come on, big guy." I murmured. "Time to wake up here. You've been napping long enough. Rise and shine."
I could see that he could hear me...sort of. He scrunches up his face, turns his head back towards me, and then relaxes again as those drugs pumped into him take over. The blanket slips a bit under his fidgeting so I pull it back up to his chin, covering those bandages that testify to my sins.
I should have seen it coming.
I should have been the one tackling him down to the ground.
It shouldn't have been the other way around.
He was so...still...as Teal'c and I carried him back to the Stargate while Carter kept watch. So still. And I was struck with the realization that he was truly vulnerable, That I hadn't been keeping a close eye on him. That I wasn't doing my job. That...it wasn't a job anymore.
Daniel's no longer just a member of my team.
He...I don't know what he is.
"Ja'k?"
Daniel.
"Hey." I grinned as I dragged my seat closer to the bed. "About time, Jackson."
"Wh're?"
"Infirmary." Again.
"L'ng?"
How long? Seemed like forever for us, Danny boy.
"Not long. About twenty hours." I'm getting the hang of the stunted words of a semi-conscious Daniel Jackson. Look at me. I've become a linguist.
"C'iling?"
Damn. He does remember. Remembered the mission...remembered what I said. Daniel, I wish I could take those words back. I didn't mean to yell at you, while you suffered in the dark.
"Yeah, Daniel. The ceiling caved in from the staff weapon blast."
"Oh."
Oh? Is that all you can say? For crying out loud, Jackson. That's all you can say about a mission that had gone from bad to worst? That's all you can say about the attacks from the Goa'ulds who were lurking in wait and the verbal attacks from me?
"S'm...Te'l'c?"
They're okay. None worst for wear. Although Teal'c spent the whole night with his legs crossed on that stool. Damn irritating if you ask me. Almost tempted to go over and knock him off that seat, just to see if he would react. Almost...if I didn't know better that Teal'c needed to calm his nerves just as much as I needed to. And Carter...Well, the Captain was getting up and sitting back down so many times that I finally snapped and told her to stay put. Speaking of which, I need to apologize later for yelling at her .
"They're fine, Daniel."
"Ok'y?"
Huh?
I leaned closer. Didn't hear what he said. "What?"
Daniel reached up with a shaking hand and grabbed my sleeve. He tugged it, although I barely felt it. It was a testament to how he was feeling right now.
"Easy, Daniel. Don't overdo it."
He sighed, sounding a bit frustrated. His eyes could barely focus on me. He kept squinting, trying to get my face into focus.
"'Re you ok'y?" I saw his eyes wander up to the bandage on my forehead. The one injury I got from this mission. The only injury I got.
Thanks to Daniel.
"Ok'y?"
Am I okay? I felt myself tensing up. It was like an echo from that mission. Am I okay? What the hell is his problem? Doesn't he see how close he came? How far gone he was? Does he even realize his heart had stopped twice on the table? Twice? Does he even realize that we were outside of the infirmary, pacing back and forth because of his foolhardiness?
"Why, Daniel?" I croaked out. For some reason, I got something stuck in my throat. "Why the hell did you do it?"
Daniel had the nerve to look surprised as if he was saying "Do what?"
"Pushed me out of the way." I sat up straighter as I recalled. "God dammit! You got right in the line of fire! Got caught under all that rubb- Why, Daniel?"
He looked hurt, his eyes dimmed as he heard me. I wonder if that was how he looked back there in the dark, while I was calling him names.
"Why?" I shook free of his grip, which was easy, and watched the hand drop down to the bed again.
"Be...beca'se..." Daniel's voice was so soft, I found myself leaning even closer, almost to the point of hovering. "I...had to, Ja'k."
Uh uh. Not a good answer, Jackson. Don't give me that moral shit about how man has to help man. I've seen enough bloodshed, comrades cut down, to know that the saying doesn't apply to this Earth.
"You're...my friend, Ja'k." Daniel reached up again and yanked my sleeve. His eyes were wide as he tried to get me to understand.
And I did.
A friend.
That's what I couldn't figure out before.
What Daniel became instead of just a member of a team.
Somehow, he made that word sound very important. And to him...it probably was.
He doesn't have any family here. Only family he has now...was gone...out there somewhere. And he's looking. Alone-
No...not alone.
Because he's got us.
His friends.
No...his family.
Suddenly, his actions made sense. Not that I liked it anyway.
And I still have to yell at him.
But later. Not now.
"Ok'y?"
Daniel's asking again. It was very important to him. And I know now, that it is very important to me that he knows.
"Yeah, Daniel. I'm okay."
The guy smiles like as if he had just received the greatest gift. I grinned and patted the hand still clutching my sleeve. Disentangling it, I gave the hand a brief squeeze and then tucked it back under the covers as I had seen Carter do.
"Get some sleep. We'll talk later." Actually, I'll be doing some yelling then some apologizing for the things I had said. Then...maybe some talking. "Go on. Get some rest. We'll be here." I promise.
"Ok'y." He winced as movement irritated his wounds and he coughed slightly. He smiled and waved me off as he saw me sit up in alarm. "Ok'y, Ja'k. Just...h'rts a little."
"I could get Doc-"
"No..." Daniel shook his head. "T'red. Be ok'y with...sleep."
"Then sleep, buddy. We'll talk later."
Daniel closed his eyes and his chest gently rose and fell as he drifted away. I watched him for a second, to make sure he was sleeping. Then I sat back down.
Suddenly...I felt very tired.
"Adrenaline rush." I muttered. That had to be it. All I needed was to hear him and know that he was okay. And I got that. So all I had left was the ache of sitting on a poorly designed chair and the lumpy feel of the blanket on the floor.
I looked over to Daniel again and shook my head.
"Gotta learn to duck better, big guy."
Daniel murmured something in response, then settled further into the bed, looking very much like a little boy who just had a bedtime story read to him. Next thing you'll know, I will be tucking him into bed.
I snagged the blanket off the floor and checked my watch. Carter and Teal'c should be back soon. I could spare a few minutes resting until they get back. Then I'll let them know. And we'll all wait.
Then when Daniel wakes up again, we'll talk.
After I yell at him.
Though not a lot.
© June 1,1999 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.