Dreams.
Images. Pictures. Flashes of memory that came from nothing and led nowhere.
Dreams. Strange dreams.
Terrible dreams. Men bowing, fearful, screaming as she dashed the life from their bodies.
No – no! Not her, not her, but someone else. Someone with great power, someone who was so evil that she shrank from it like the plague. And yet... and yet she could not escape. It was always with her, thinking her thoughts, seeing with her eyes, killing with her hand. Killing...
So much death! Why, why? Why should so many people die this way? And she looked into their faces as they fell before her, saw the life snuffed out, saw the light die from their eyes. So much death, so many lives ended! Sometimes at night she could hear their screams, see the terror and pain in their eyes, until they filled her head with horror, and the thing within her laughed with a terrible glee.
No, these were no dreams – they were real. How could she have done these things? But no, it was not her, it was another. Another did these things, another used her to do things that she would never have dreamed of. Another kept her locked within her own body as a prisoner.
Another... the thing that held her was powerful, so powerful. The dreams she had, the images in her head told her this. For there were many mysteries she had seen, strange devices that seemed to work magic before her eyes. There were many wonders she had known, but behind it all there was death and pain.
She... she was someone else, something else. In the days that were gone now, she had been different, the mistress of her own body, and she had not known the evil that now dwelt within her. She had been a woman, and she had loved greatly, and been loved in return. No evil had come near her when he was there, and she had been safe in his arms. Long ago, long ago, she had been happy.
Dan’yel.
Yes. His name came to her through the blankness that filled her mind; it pierced through her consciousness like a shining light in the darkness. Yes, she had been happy, so happy. Somewhere, where there was no evil and no fear, she had been happy with him. She did not know when or where, she could not remember, but she could remember him.
Where was he now – the one who had loved her? Where was the man who had been everything in the world to her? Did he think of her sometimes, and of how she was before the evil came? Did he remember, as she could not, their life together and the joy that had been theirs? Ah, she could remember so little now! She tried, but nothing came. Nothing but a name, a face, and eyes like the morning sky when the sun is newly-risen.
Nothing more. She could almost weep in frustration for her weakness, for all that had been her life, and that she had lost indeed because she could not remember it any longer. Gone, all gone, lost to her forever.
Oh, Dan’yel!
It was a cry for help, an unconscious turning to the man she could hardly remember now, but whose love was still the centre of her life and her thoughts. It was a cry of sorrow, of sorrow for the losses she could not even remember. It was a cry for comfort, from the one who had always given it so readily.
Dan’yel!
His face was before her then, the eyes looking so steadily into hers with that gaze which always made her heart falter within her. She drew a deep, sobbing breath, and her hands went out to touch him, to stroke his face and know that he was really there. She needed him to be there, she needed him.
She reached out then and touched him, and in that instant she knew that it was true, that this was him. Somehow, across the vast distances that divided them, she had touched him with the thought of her mind and the yearning of her heart. Somehow, they were together, though not in the body.
With wonder she slid her hands across his face, felt the smooth skin beneath her fingers, saw the eyes looking with love and a great dawning joy into hers. It was such a great gift that she could not grasp it, could not believe. Then his hand went up to cover hers, holding it to his cheek. And in that instant it all came flooding back, and all she knew was that they were together again. The tears came flooding into her eyes and spilled over her face as if a dam had broken within her. And he smiled then and kissed her, and it was as if the sun had risen in her heart.
They spoke no words, for no words were needed, had never been needed between them. Somehow, their spirits were together, and they needed nothing more. It was bliss simply to look into his beautiful eyes and feel his hand upon hers, to stroke his face and his hair as if she would never stop. It was such joy to know that he was truly there, that they were together again after so long, that she asked for nothing more.
Yet it could not last, but she had known it could not, and even as she looked into his earnest blue eyes, he was gone. He was gone. And it was as if she woke from a dream in which her dearest wish was granted to find that it had never happened at all. A great and terrible sadness filled her when she knew that she had lost him again. And her tears were dried within her, for this sorrow was too great to let her weep. It was a sorrow that she would always carry with her, and the memory of him would be a torment and a blessing for the rest of her life.
He was gone, but they had been together again, somehow. After so long, they had touched across the reaches of space, and there was a warmth within her heart and a new joy that had not been there before. It was a joy she would hold to her tightly, despite the pain it gave her, forever and ever.
He loved her, he loved her, and the knowledge of that would carry her through the torment of her existence, through the endless agony and death and terror. He loved her.
She would forget again, she knew she would. Even now the blankness was stealing upon her and filling her mind with nothingness. She would forget again, as she always did. But she would remember him, even amid the nothingness of her days she would remember him. He was the one light in the darkness of her life, always shining, always there with her.
She was slipping into the darkness now, as she had known she would. Her mind was filling with the blackness of deepest night, with the oblivion that cut one off from the world of men. She was falling, falling, but even as she fell, the light in her heart was glowing brightly, and it went with her into the abyss below. The image of a single face was before her, of blue eyes that looked deeply into hers, and a smile that was like the light of the sun. As she slipped into the darkness, this face and the memory of their meeting, against all hope, went with her. And as her mind sank and fell into a dreamless sleep, a last whisper escaped her lips. It was a single word, but a word which was her hope, her love, a word which embodied all she had ever wanted, and all her heart’s deepest wishes for the future. A single word, but one which meant more to her than life itself, because it was his. She sank into the abyss and knew no more, but the echo of her whisper lived on in her sleeping mind, filling it with a beauty and a meaning that left no room for anything else. And the echo lived on, repeating itself over and over until it was no longer a word, but much more. When she woke again, she would remember, because of that one word which was her entire life. One word, one single word...
Dan’yel.
Author's Note: For my sister, who got me interested in Stargate in the first place.
© copyright June 2, 2004. The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.