It was over, Shifu was gone and with him all the knowledge of the Goa'uld.
Daniel breathed a sigh of relief intermingled with a little sorrow. He was sad to see the boy go, but couldn't help but be thankful that the dangerous information stored in the child's brain was once more out of reach. More specifically, his reach.
Staring at his hands as he left the control room, he shivered at the memory of his 'dream'. He'd never though himself capable of that, of any of that.
'Absolute power corrupts absolutely', and apparently not even Daniel Jackson was immune. He's always thought himself above such things, such wrongs, such....
'Daniel, you were it, you may as well say it' his conscience told him.
Evil. There, it was out, he was evil. Was, it was all over now...wasn't it.
Then why could he still feel the leather of the chair on his skin, still see the satellite view of Moscow as it burned. Still hear Jack's voice, pleading with him to stop.
Screwing his hands up into little balls and thumping them against his head, Daniel fought with the memories.
Teal'c's death *thump*
Sam's incarceration *thump*
Shifu's innocent face *thump*
Jack pulling a gun on him *thump*
His own cold voice ordering Moscow's destruction
*thump, Thump, THUMP*
"Daniel?" Jack's voice again...no, wait, that really was Jack. Not some half-fading memory that taunted him.
Daniel turned to face Jack. As he opened his eyes he saw that he had barely made it 5 steps down the hall. Jack extended his hand, reaching for Daniel's tightly clenched fist.
"NO! Don't touch me!" Daniel threw himself backwards, slamming into the wall behind.
"Daniel!" Jack's voice was quiet, soft, gentle. Dammnit, why wasn't he angry? He should be angry.
'Cos he wasn't there Jackson, he didn't really see what you are capable of.' That inner voice jeered.
Were capable of, not now, not without the knowledge, the rational part of Daniel's mind argued, as unconvinced as Daniel himself.
"No Jack. Just....just stay the hell away from me." Daniel retorted as he walked away from the older man, "Before I hurt any of you." He added in a small voice.
***
He threw open the door to his office and swiftly closed and locked it behind him. He didn't bother with the lights, what was the point, so he could see his own treacherous reflection staring back at him?
'But that's not who you'll see, is it Jackson?'
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
'All those people, Jackson, why kill all those people? Just to prove a point? You know the truth, don't you?'
Striking his hands against his head once more, Daniel pleaded with the voice to shut up. But as soon as it faded it was replaced with another, greater distressing sound.
***
People were screaming, screaming and yelling, and he knew. He knew what they must have felt as that great beam rained down and wiped them out.
Stop it, stop it, it didn't really happen.
'Not to them, no. But just how many people have you killed Jackson? How many?'
They weren't people, they were Jaffa, the enemy. I've never killed an innocent person.
'And that makes everything alright, does it?'
No! Of course not.....damn you shut up.
Daniel dropped to his knees and crawled under his desk, bringing his legs up to his chin and trying to be as small as possible. If he was small, no one would see him, no one would notice him, no one would ever put another weapon in his hands again. But no matter how tightly he wrapped himself up, the voice was still there, teasing and whispering. Daniel knew what he had to do, he didn't understand before, but now he knew.
***
Beating his hands against his skull he began ripping at his skin, if the voice wouldn't come out, then he would dig it out. Fingers stretched and nails shredded, he absently wiped his hands across his clothes. Blood and skin marring the crisp uniform. It wasn't enough, he couldn't dig fast enough and as he racked his brain for another option, a banging started at his door. Yes! That would do it, surely now he could drive the voice from his mind.
*Bang* the sound at his door
*Bang* his head against the wall
*Bang* again at the door
*Bang* against the wall
*Bang* the door
*Bang* the wall
*Bang* door
***
*Bang* wall
*Bang, Bang, Bang*
***
Finally Jack won his battle with the solid door before him. He squinted into the darkness, Daniel had to have come in here. The door had been locked from the inside. Cautiously he stepped into the room, reached out and flicked on a small table lamp. Not much, but enough light filled the room. Jack's breathing increased and his heart rate hitched up a gear, as his mind registered that the banging hadn't stopped. It took a second to work out that the banging was coming from this room, somewhere near the desk. Jack gingerly stepped closer and caught a glimpse of a boot sticking out.
Encouraged by his find he stepped closer still and finally stood in front of the desk. The banging was louder now, more insistent, more desperate.
Jack dropped to his knees and choked at the sight before him.
Daniel was oblivious to the world, his head a mess of skin, blood and hair. His hands on the floor, fingers scrambling for a grip they'd never find there. Fingertips bloodied and nails almost absent. But still the head continued to pound the unrelenting concrete walls, fingers still clawed at the ground.
Jack launched and grasped Daniel soundly, pulling his head from the wall, and taking the frantic hands in his own.
"Shh Danny, stop now." Jack had no idea what was happening, but his friend needed him.
"No Jack!" Daniel was fighting him, trying to free himself of Jack's hold.
"Danny, please!" Jack held on, feeling with each passing second, the strength and fight leave his friend's body. Finally, Daniel could fight no longer, collapsing bonelessly.
"Please Jack, get them out."
"Get who out Danny?"
"The voices, Jack, don't you hear them, the voices." Daniel's voice was broken and raw.
"I hear them Danny, I hear them. Don't worry, we'll make them stop. I promise, we'll make them stop."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is totally FCOL's fault! She sent a pack of plot bunnies my way and this was the first one to bite! Beware, the other may bite soon.
© 6th October, 2003 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.