Daniel slammed the front door shut behind him. What right did they have to say he couldn't go back to the planet? Damn them, he had to find out what the little Goa'uld device did. And since he couldn't make it work here on earth it seemed obvious to Daniel that he should go back to planet immediately. Why couldn't General Hammond see that? Why couldn't Jack?
Daniel tore off his jacket and threw it into the hall closet, strode heavily into his kitchen and started making coffee. His mind was racing, thoughts hurtling past at a thousand miles an hour. The palace, the wondrous lightshow, Jack's face in the gateroom as he spoke of Barber's fate, the General's face as Daniel was told he would not be allowed to return to the planet until he had rested. So, it mattered now did it, Daniel thought bitterly. Funny how the concern over his well-being just happened to coincide with his desire to get off-world.
The coffee brewed, wrenching Daniel's cluttered mind briefly back to the present. As he poured himself a cup of the dark steaming liquid, he couldn't help but remember all the times he had been brushed aside by people, by Jack. Being disregarded by him always had the sharpest sting. The Enkarens, the Eurondans, the situation with Sha're's son, and of course the most painful memories of all. The entire undercover fiasco with the rogue NID. The harsh words Jack had imparted had cut Daniel deeply.
"So this whole friendship thing we've been working on the last few years...?"
"Apparently not much of a foundation there, huh?"
The words reverberated inside Daniel's head as he grasped his coffee mug and moved to sit on the couch.
Jack hadn't really meant those words though, had he? Daniel had been so sure at the time, it had all been a scam to flush out the leak within the SGC, and it had been believable, too believable. Now though, the doubt planted itself firmly in Daniel's head and slowly began to grow.
What if Jack had been serious? What if their friendship wasn't as solid as Daniel thought? Maybe Jack had just been tolerating him all this time. 'No.' Daniel thought, 'I'm sure our friendship is real.' But he couldn't stop the little voice inside his head, the voice that nagged at him, undermining his belief.
Daniel absently reached for his coffee and took a long sip, and almost gagged. It was stone cold and he grimaced, why had it gotten so cold so quickly? A quick glance at the clock on the mantel explained everything, as Daniel realised he had been sat contemplating things for almost 2 hours. He should have gone to bed long ago, but his mind was far tot untidy to rest. Everytime he closed his eyes, images floated past his eyes, each bringing a painful memory to the fore.
Sha're, Skaara, Jack, Sam, all of them had suffered things no-one should ever have to endure, and all because of him. He never should have re-opened the Abydos gate, never should have opened the Earth gate to start with, never should have stepped foot in Colorado. Hell, he never should have climbed into that limousine.
Daniel sipped at his long cold coffee, letting the thoughts overwhelm him, too weary to even get fresh coffee, let alone fight a slew of memories.
Outside the sun began to rise in the sky and still Daniel didn't move. It rose higher and higher, turning night into day, dark into light. But it didn't reach Daniel.
He heard his alarm clock sound in his bedroom and let it ring. He drained the last dregs from his coffee mug and finally rose to his feet. Moving without thinking he walked to his bathroom, shedding his clothes along the way. Until he was stood in his shower, staring at the control faucet, trying to remember why he was there and what he was supposed to do with the object before him. It was several long minutes before his hand automatically reached out and turned the handle.
Cold water cascaded over his body, his mind barely registering the sudden and extreme drop in temperature. He was numb, from the tips of his fingers to the deepest recess of his soul. Somewhere a noise sounded and it took him some time to realise that it was in fact coming from outside of himself. Stepping out of the shower he dragged his body to the bedroom, dressed in a daze and moved into the hall. The noise had stopped and almost on autopilot he walked into his kitchen, filled a kettle and set it on the stove to boil.
The noise began again and Daniel moved to find the source. Finally coming upon the offending object he regarded it as though it were an alien device. He had no idea what it's purpose was, and though muted the sound it made was, he still wanted it to end. He swiped his hand at it and it fell away into two pieces, a far sounding voice could be heard coming from one of the parts, but he had no recognition of it.
He turned his back to it and looked around himself, the room seemed faded, nothing quite in focus, though Daniel didn't know why.
Suddenly his vision was drawn to the light outside, and he moved towards it, felling that somehow the light was the answer to a question he didn't yet know. Cold air hit his chilled bones and damp skin as he pushed through the doors. He breathed deeply, inhaling the light as though it were life itself, but relief never came. The light that engulfed him held no answers.
Without hesitation Daniel grasped the rail in front of him with both hands, slowly lifted first one leg, then the other over the metal barrier. With a fingertip grip on the rail, now behind him, Daniel shifted his feet, felt air beneath his toes and leaned forwards.
Then there was a sound in the distance and a voice he should probably know. A voice that was getting louder and clearer. Then finally it sounded right behind him, clear as crystal.
"Daniel? What are you doing out here?"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I always wondered how Daniel ended up on that balcony in the first place.
© 6th October, 2003 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.