Thoughts between symbiote and host are denoted by < >, and thoughts to oneself by italics.When a Goa’uld or Tok’ra is talking out loud, conversation is in bold.
**
Jacob woke up from his dazed sleep with a small groan.
<How do we always get ourselves into these situations, Selmak? >
<I believe it is because I was distracted while attempting to report to the Council. >
Boy, is she pissed. Anger and annoyance seeped through their emotional bond, letting Jacob know he was not getting off this one easily. Jacob had learned earlier on that the wrath of Selmak was to be avoided at all costs, from some very unfortunate Tok’ra who had the privilege of witnessing Selmak’s anger at full power. Although one would hardly call it a privilege. He had always in his thoughts referred to Selmak as a female entity, while still acknowledging the fact that symbiotes had no gender at all.
<I was only trying to lighten the mood, Sel. >
<At a rather inappropriate time. >
Jacob put a hand to his pounding head. Selmak’s anger was not helping his headache. He tried to placate his antagonized symbiote.
<I’m sorry Selmak. I- >
Jacob’s apology was interrupted by sounds of clanging armor approaching their cell door. He groaned again. He didn’t need this right now. Probably just Jaffa coming to gloat. Jacob was proven right as the doors to their prison slid open.
“Kree! Tok’ra shol’va! You are a disgrace to your gods!" One of the Jaffa bellowed, with obvious disgust on his face. He moved towards Jacob, as if daring him to attack.
Jacob was annoyed. He was tired of hearing that same phrase being repeated again and again to him. In fact, whenever a Tok’ra was captured, it was a given that their captors would utter those words with hate.
“They are not gods! They are just weak parasites that take human hosts to survive!" Jacob stated, while silently apologizing to his symbiote for his description of her biological race.
Jacob immediately regretted those words as soon as they came out of his mouth. Angering the Jaffa was not going to help his situation.
“You will not speak of your god in that manner. Come!" With a swift kick to add emphasis, Jacob was half-dragged out of his cell.
<Got a plan, Sel? >
<Attempting to escape would prove to be futile and pointless, and will most likely result in more injuries. >
Jacob sighed internally. Although he could see the wisdom in Selmak’s choice, he wouldn’t go without a fight.
Sensing a chance as the Jaffa was occupied with another matter, Jacob maneuvered his body behind a Jaffa quietly. He kicked the staff weapon out of the Jaffa’s hand, grabbing it and firing a few shots at the group of Jaffa. His aim had improved since the blending, with Selmak’s lifetime experience of fighting. His abilities were proven when several Jaffa fell down, with smoking holes in their chests. The Jaffa’s armour wasn’t as strong as they’d like to believe.
“Jaffa Kree!" Jaffa moved to surround him as he desperately fired off more shots into the group. This desperation helped him to bring down several more Jaffa, but the attempt at escape was unsuccessful. The fight was ended as excruciating pain seared through his arm.
Okay, so maybe that escape didn’t go as planned. Jacob thought as he cradled his burnt arm. Clenching his fists in pain, Jacob silently urged his symbiote to heal it quickly. Pain still shot through his body even with Selmak’s attempts to block it.
Selmak was not happy she had to again heal her host. She had barely recovered after their last torture session, purely carried out for the Jaffa’s enjoyment. So she decided to let her irritation be known.
<Did I not tell you to refrain from attempting an escape? >
<Uh, sorry Sel. I really thought that if I could overpower those Jaffa- >
<Jacob! > Selmak cut him off sharply, annoyed at her host’s uncharacteristic ignorance. <Why are you behaving in this manner? >
<What do you mean? >
<Jacob, you know very well what I mean. Do not forget that I know all your thoughts. >
<You tell me. After all, you can read my mind. >
Selmak frowned mentally. This behaviour was unusual, even for her Tau’ri host. Giving up temporarily, she turned her attention towards their surroundings, where they now stopped in front of a Teltak. They quickly entered the cargo ship before the Jaffa decided they weren’t moving fast enough, and needed a little encouragement. The cargo ship was adorned with hieroglyphs telling of Sokar’s successes, power, and typical Goa’uld boasting. Looking towards where they usually were stored, Selmak saw the escape pods, confirming her own fears of their fate. Now was not the time for such discussion.
<We will discuss this later, Jacob. >
Jacob sighed internally with relief. The discussion was over, until it could be restarted when their attention could be spared. And he was sure Selmak would restart it. Curious as to why their undivided attention was needed, Jacob decided to find out what was so important.
<So, where are we going? >
<We were captured by Sokar’s forces. I believe our destination is Naetu. >
<And just what is Naetu? >
Jacob searched through his symbiote’s memories, pulling out certain memories and sorting through them. When he finally arrived at the answer, he was not happy with what he found.
<Hell? We’re going to Hell? >
**
Naetu was a very hot moon, as Jacob found out. Jets of steam shot up from the surface regularly, larva flowed through cracks in the surface, burning everything in its path. The surface was a muddy brown, complimenting the dark ruby sky. This was no doubt a replica of hell, the work of a Goa’uld who apparently had too much time on his hands. Jacob, however, didn’t have enough time to notice much more than the choking heat, as he was thrown into the ‘pit’ almost as soon as he landed. In a way he was grateful for that, because he knew they wouldn’t last on the surface for more than a few hours. He quickly sobered when Selmak reminded him that feeling any kind of gratitude towards a Goa’uld was unbecoming of a Tok’ra.
After looking around the dank, dry cell for possible means of escape, Jacob admitted defeat and sat down leaning against the wall, trying to get comfortable for the confrontation to come. He was not disappointed.
<We have much to discuss, Jacob. >
<Not now Selmak. Shouldn’t we be trying to escape? >
<There is no escape, Jacob. We can only hope the Tok’ra Council will receive the information we gathered through other means. >
<Don’t be so pessimistic. There must’ve been someone who escaped! >
<A Tok’ra operative, Jolinar escaped after being captured and sent to Naetu. >
Jacob winced at the mention of Jolinar’s name. He knew that the Tok’ra had caused his daughter a lot of pain during her brief blending, and was disappointed his daughter never brought it up. He pushed the thought aside, focusing on the more important issue.
<Great! How did Jolinar escape? >
<She never revealed her method of escape. She refused to talk of it after she was found. >
<And no one thought that minor detail was important? >
There. His sarcastic side was satisfied.
<Jacob, Jolinar and Rosha suffered greatly during their imprisonment on Naetu. She recovered eventually, but she became quiet and withdrawn after her ordeal. We did not think it wise to coerce her to tell. >
Jacob could tell Jolinar’s capture pained Selmak greatly, so he decided to drop the subject. I guess the Tok’ra are a close bunch. Just like family. Jacob thought back to his first few days with the Tok’ra. Everyone had gone out of their way to make him feel more welcome, allowing him to experience first-hand what a tight-knit community the Tok’ra were. Of course, it wasn’t unusual for a group of resistance-fighters living together for more than two thousand years. But the Tok’ra were never together as a whole, with operatives always on missions, and different groups based on different planets. Jacob was constantly meeting new members of this resistance group.
<Jacob, why has your behaviour changed lately? >
Damn, she just had to bring that up again. He had hoped she’d forgotten their earlier conversation, but figured he wasn’t going to be so lucky, as symbiotes had a great memory. At other times, he found that helpful, but right now he cursed that ability. Jacob shifted into a more comfortable position. The pain had subsided, but even with the Tok’ra’s healing powers, a dull ache still lingered in his arm. He mentally prepared himself for the discussion to come, and waited for Selmak to start the conversation.
<This is not like you, Jacob. You have been making many unwise decisions lately. Tell me, what has brought on this behaviour? >
<They were not stupid moves Selmak. I was just distracted, that’s all. >
<And what has caused this distraction? >
<I don’t know, you tell me. >
Selmak sighed with exasperation. She was puzzled over Jacob’s behaviour, particularly his response to her questioning. He had never replied to her in such a manner before, making her think the root of all this was more than just a few distracting thoughts.
<Jacob, to let such an issue remain unresolved between us would be unwise. >
Jacob sighed. He was getting annoyed at Selmak’s constant prodding. Although he had won a few arguments against her in the years since their blending, he knew when Selmak was this insistent, there was no winning. He sighed again. Better to get it over with.
<Okay, Selmak, you win. I was going through a few of our memories lately, and I came upon this. >
Reluctantly, Jacob pulled out a memory, presenting it to Selmak tentatively. He was rewarded with an internal wince from Selmak. The memory was not a good one for her, either. He waited for her explanation.
<Do you trust me, Jacob? >
<Of course, Sel. Don’t you know that already? >
Jacob was puzzled at this turn of events. He had expected Selmak to explain the memory as a figment of his imagination, or the Tok’ra equivalent of that. He certainly wasn’t expecting this overflow of guilt, and apprehension to emerge from Selmak.
<You have to trust me, Jacob. Close your eyes and relax. >
Jacob complied, feeling surprisingly calm. A short burst of laughter elicited from his throat. Here he was in Hell, and he was feeling relaxed! He loosened all his tense muscles, waiting for further instruction from Selmak. Closing his eyes, he became aware of the strong presence of his symbiote in the deep recesses of his mind. Quite suddenly, the scenery changed, and Jacob found himself in his familiar private quarters on the current Tok’ra base. Blue crystal walls glowed, bathing Jacob in a soft light. Still disorientated from the change, he became dimly aware of a separate being sitting down at his table. He knew that the being meant no harm, and surprised himself by putting a name to the entity – Selmak.
<Do not be alarmed, Jacob. We are merely in a corner of your mind. Here, we can talk without interruption. >
<Selmak? >
<Yes Jacob, it is I. >
<Why are we in the Tok’ra tunnels? >
<As I said before, we are in a corner of your mind. This is not real, merely a memory of our private quarters. Here is a truly private part of your mind; one not even a symbiote can penetrate, unless you permit it. My previous hosts have always customized this space to suit their own preferences. In time, you will learn to change the scenery, but we have much to discuss first. >
<Yes we do. >
Selmak winced at Jacob’s hostile tone. Although she felt she deserved it, Jacob’s feelings of disgust still shocked her. She was not proud of her past, and didn’t wish for Jacob to find out about it. Obviously her attempts to conceal the memories failed. She sighed, preparing herself for the onslaught of emotions that she knew she would receive from Jacob.
<There is a fact about me that very few Tok’ra know. I was not spawned from Queen Egeria, therefore I am not a born Tok’ra. Before my days with the Tok’ra, I was once a powerful Goa’uld. >
Selmak felt a pang of betrayal, and hurt emanate from Jacob’s emotions. She inhaled sharply, and breathed out slowly, trying to clear her mind of the bad memories this brought up. She prepared to continue.
<I was always disgusted at the Goa’uld way of subjugating the host, but I was forced to do it nonetheless. At that time, the Tok’ra resistance had not yet formed, or was barely a minor annoyance. >
Jacob’s curiousity piqued as he digested this information and its implications.
<So you’re older than two thousand years? >
<Yes. I have been alive for more than three thousand of your years. >
There was stunned silence between the two as Jacob absorbed the information. He had always assumed Selmak was a born Tok’ra, having been given no reason to believe otherwise. Although Selmak’s memories were always a bit unclear.
<Why didn’t I have full access to your memories? >
<A symbiote has methods of keeping certain memories from the host, although it is a very tiring procedure. I was not strong enough to hide most of them, as you discovered. >
<Why did you hide them? >
More guilt seeped through their emotional bond, threatening to overwhelm them both. There lay his answer. He understood what Selmak felt; he had done some pretty nasty things in his lifetime, but nothing compared to the horror she inflicted on thousands of innocent people.
<What are you going to do, now that I know? >
<I wish to show you the true extent of my involvement. I am sorry Jacob, for keeping this from you, but it is easy to forget occurrences of many millennia ago, especially if they were unpleasant. >
<I know Sel. And I understand. >
**
The scenery changed, and Jacob was once again aware of the outside world. He glanced around the dim cell, searching for the source of the disturbance. The cell door opened with a loud bang, admitting two dangerous-looking guards. Though they looked strong, they had no weapons. How do they keep prisoners in line without weapons? Jacob was confused. Selmak did not like where Jacob’s train of thoughts were heading.
<Jacob, > She started in a warning tone. <I do not wish for us to accumulate more injuries. >
<I know. I wasn’t going to try to escape. After all, as you so pessimistically mentioned earlier, there is no escape. >
“Tok’ra, kree! Your god demands your presence." The guard said, giving him a disgusted look. Obviously the Tok’ra was not popular in Goa’uld town.
Not-so-gently, Jacob was forced out of the cell. The walk to wherever his ‘god’ resided was not pleasant. He tried to pay more attention to his surroundings, searching for possible ways out and noticed the inside was not much different from the surface. The walls were made of lumps of igneous rock mixed with dirt, presumably from long volcanic activity. The air was dry and hot, reminding Jacob of the desert surface of most Tok’ra planets. Glowing hot lava flowed through cracks in the walls, darkening bleached bones of the dead, a reminder of their possible fate. Yep, now the only thing missing is the Devil. Jacob tried to focus his wandering thoughts on the situation at hand, but found it incredibly hard. Why did Selmak have to choose now to reveal her true past? Jacob pondered that for a while, then answered his own question. Maybe because she knows we’re not going to survive. Jacob shook his head, trying to clear his mind of any negative thoughts.
They finally stopped in front of a large worn-out golden door, showing the telltale signs of Goa’uld inhabitance. Typical. Jacob was sick of seeing gold and hieroglyphs, as each time Goa’uld presence was visible, injuries were no doubt soon to follow. In fact, he had never encountered a Goa’uld and walked away fully healthy. Must be our luck.
A sharp knock on the door brought him out of his reverie, reminding him that his seemingly bad luck was the least of his problems. The door grinded open to reveal a single Goa’uld standing there, holding up a glowing ribbon device. Jacob gulped. He had experienced a ribbon device before, and his opinion, one too many times. The burning sensation of the device pushed a person’s mental defense to their full limits, ingraining memories of pain forever into their mind. He could see why in many societies, just being able to use the device automatically labeled the wearer a god.
Pushing Jacob into the room roughly, the guard closed the door to allow them some semblance of privacy. Echoes of screams thundered outside the room, letting Jacob know of the impending torture. Obviously the Goa’uld gained some kind of sick pleasure from hearing their victims suffer, as sounds reverberated in the caverns easily.
“Tok’ra, what is your name?" A Goa’uld, Lord of Naetu, something told him.
Jacob paused, briefly conferring with Selmak before both decided that telling him a name couldn’t be disastrous.
“I am Selmak." Selmak’s deep distorted voice emanated from Jacob’s throat.
“What is your mission?" The Goa’uld demanded. Bynarr, Selmak realized, after going through her memories of the census reports.
<We must not allow him to discover our mission. If he suspects what we know, he will most likely kill us now. >
<Isn’t he going to kill us anyway? >
<Yes, eventually, but he likes to see his victims suffer. >
<So he’ll keep us around for a while? >
<We will most likely have a painful death. >
<My, my, aren’t we feeling optimistic today…>
Selmak sent Jacob the equivalent of a mental glare, while trying to find a way to answer the Goa’uld without giving away too much information.
Meanwhile, Bynarr took this silence as refusal, and was already walking up to Jacob, ribbon device glowing. Mentally preparing Jacob for what was coming next, Selmak desperately tried to protect him, clamping onto nerves and taking the full brunt of the torture. A blinding light shone into their head.
PAIN. BURNING. PAIN.
Finally succumbing to the device, Selmak fell unconscious, leaving Jacob in control of his body, and very much alone.
“You will answer me!" The resonating tone of a Goa’uld pierced the silence of Jacob’s mind.
“No mission." Jacob replied, while desperately trying to awake his unconscious symbiote.
“You lie poorly, Tok’ra." With that, Bynarr shouted a command to his guard, who promptly entered, carrying a golden chest.
Like nearly all Goa’uld property, it was intricately carved with hieroglyphs, quite beautiful actually, if it weren’t for the contents. Jacob, already crumpled on the ground from the effects of the device, craned his neck to look. What he saw next did not make him happy. The guard had gotten out the torture device that looked curiously like a cattle prod, a pain stick, a little voice supplied helpfully. The name suited the device well – it was used to inflict unimaginable pain on the victim – and Jacob had not experienced it before, only remembering the effects from Selmak’s memories. One downside of having the oldest and wisest symbiote was the amount of bad memories she had. Having been alive for so long, she had experienced far more than any of the other Tok’ra, but unfortunately the experiences also included enduring various methods of torture.
Moving behind him, the guard placed the tip of the device on Jacob’s neck, sending shockwaves of pain through his body. Light shot out from his mouth and eyes, causing the dark room to illuminate with an unearthly glow. Pain lanced through every muscle in his body, sending him to the brink of unconsciousness. The Goa’uld didn’t want his torture victim to be unconscious, and so ordered the guard to stop for a while to let Jacob recover. Still gasping for breath, Jacob sent Bynarr a defiant look. It looked like it needed more than a little torture to break his victim. That just gave Bynarr more reason to enjoy seeing his victim suffer.
The Goa’uld motioned to the guard to continue with the torture, as a look of evil glee passed over his face. Once again feeling the now familiar pain scorch his nerves, Jacob struggled desperately to bring back his symbiote from her state of unconsciousness. Failing to do so, Jacob fell into a state of much welcomed oblivion.
**
<Jacob? Wake up! Jacob! >
Jacob groaned, waking up sluggishly to the mental voice of his agitated symbiote.
<How long were we out? >
<We were unconscious for more than three of your hours. I have only just completed repairs to our body, before attempting to awaken you. >
<So now what? >
<I would like to continue with our discussion. >
It seemed like Selmak wanted to confess everything before dying, so Jacob played along.
<Okay, do your thing. >
Jacob was aware of his surroundings suddenly shifting and melding into the familiar crystalline structures. Once again, he felt the familiar presence of his symbiote, but this time she had a face. An exact replica of himself with glowing eyes faced him, staring at him intently as if searching for a reaction. There was none. Jacob had long ago accepted Selmak as a part of him, and seeing her in that form was just confirming his beliefs. Although it was still strange to refer to Selmak as a she, but see her as a male, Selmak had qualities which Jacob would normally associate with a female.
<As I have said, my memories of my time before the Tok’ra were unpleasant– >
<I’m ready Selmak. >
Acceptance flowed through their emotional connection, and Jacob once again found the scenery shifting and morphing. However, this time the scenery changed to that of a Goa’uld palace. This palace was different though, in that it was not surrounded with the normal gold colour associated with the Goa’uld, but instead was a deep blue colour, decorated with gold hieroglyphs. The deep blue was just a few shades darker than that of the Tok’ra tunnels, again reminding Jacob of the place he had come to call home, and the place he might never see again.
Selmak, sensing her host’s distress, stopped for a split-second to reassure her host, then continued with her memory.
**
For Jacob it was somewhat an ethereal experience; he was watching the events unfold in his mind, but found himself powerless to alter it. He felt himself, or rather Selmak, walk arrogantly into the royal chambers of a Goa’uld, gesturing for one of the Jaffa guards to report.
“My lord, the inhabitants of Ranisa refuse to worship you as their goddess." The Jaffa was a quivering mess. Goa’uld often expressed their disappointment and anger by killing someone, which in this case could be the Jaffa. Although this Selmak did not do this often, very few victims survived her bouts of anger.
“Show them the error of their ways!" Jacob suddenly felt a surge of anger flowing through him. How dare they refuse their god? Calming himself down, he deduced that he was feeling what Selmak felt millennia ago; the same thoughts, the same emotions, all from her long-suppressed memories.
As the Jaffa scurried off to do his lord’s biddings, Jacob/Selmak moved towards the door. As they went past, Selmak glanced in the mirror. The host that she now inhabited was old and frail, white hair sat in a neat bun on top of her head, and wrinkles covered her once-perfect skin. I will have to take a new host soon. Jacob felt a pang of regret emanate, and was immediately confused. Goa’uld didn’t care about their hosts, only seeing them as empty shells to be used and discarded. They had perpetuated the belief that nothing of the host survived; a belief proven wrong by the very existence of the Tok’ra. So why did Selmak care? Of course Selmak was no ordinary Goa’uld, but her past self had proven to be as bloodthirsty as any other.
“My lord, I have done as you asked, and brought you a gift." The Jaffa was back. But this time, he was not alone. His hands were clasped around the shoulders of a petrified looking girl. Although she was a crying, she was the vision of a perfect Goa’uld host. Strawberry-blond hair cascaded over her shaking shoulders, and emerald eyes looked up at her with hatred and disgust. Selmak was shocked. She was used to seeing fear in a host, but never had she seen a host look at their masters in total defiance. That will soon change. Jacob shuddered inwardly. Very few Tok’ra hosts had seen the evil version of their symbiote; only the ones who hosted Goa’uld-turned-Tok’ra symbiotes, and their symbiotes had done fairly mild acts of evil. He was surprised at the level of coldness and viciousness this Selmak displayed, and found himself even fearing her a little.
“You serve me well Jaffa. Leave us now!" Selmak was curious. She was determined to find out why this host was different from any other, and what fuelled her people’s apparent defiance. She had an inkling that the Ranisans had encountered the Goa’uld before, having no other explanation for their attitude, since all other worlds she had previously conquered didn’t question her, only fearing her power.
“Do you know what I am?" Selmak asked, circling the girl as a bird would a prey.
“You are evil disgusting parasites that have no sense of morality." The girl spat out with such hate that Selmak flinched.
“Who are you to question our morality?"
“I am one of the many who will destroy your kind! Do not think the rebellion by the Tau’ri was the last. Their rebellion will only give rise to the downfall of your race!"
Selmak was amused. She had heard of the Tau’ri rebellion against Ra, and had been pleased with the knowledge that Ra was no longer amongst the System Lords, cast out for failing to maintain rule over many conquered worlds. She was certain it would lead to his demise. Selmak’s amusement was quickly replaced by impatience as she reveled in the knowledge that she would break the girl’s spirit, putting a stop to her insolence. No host of hers had openly defied her. This was going to prove to be an interesting experience.
“Jaffa! Kree! Prepare this girl for the blending!" With that, Selmak stalked off, intending to mentally prepare her own host for the separation. Although she was Goa’uld, she had a near-benign relationship with her hosts. She never allowed her hosts control of their bodies, but she always found it rewarding to communicate with her host when nothing required their attention. Of course, she didn’t tell anyone, only doing so in their private chambers. She had found hosts intriguing, and thought of them as more than just objects to be used, unknowingly overcoming her own racial and instinctual memories to view them as such.
Most planets under her rule were treated fairly, with most inhabitants unaffected by her. She only sought out planets with high naquadah deposits and paid miners fairly. She believed healthy workers were more efficient than slaves, and was proven correct by the sheer amount of naquadah cultivated.
Jacob watched passively as bits of the internal conversation flitted through his mind. He felt like an intruder, eavesdropping on private exchanges between host and symbiote during what could be their last moments together. So he found something else to occupy himself with. He searched through Selmak’s memories for anything of interest, and was surprised when he came upon a certain fact. Selmak never used the sarcophagus. She had believed it would damage the soul, making her too arrogant and over-confident. Jacob was more perplexed. During that time period, Selmak had seemed cold-hearted and murderous, but her way of thinking was very much like the Tok’ra. That could very well be why she felt compelled to join the rogue group.
After finally ending their conversation, Selmak quickly made her way into the chamber prepared for the blending. The girl was being held down by several guards, all of whom were trying to overpower her without damaging her body. Their master did not want a flawed host. At their lord’s nod, the Jaffa turned the girl over, baring her neck for infestation. Selmak said her goodbyes to her host, and prepared to release the poison that would kill her host. Although she disliked doing this, the knowledge left over by the blending was too dangerous if fallen into the wrong hands, and her host would die slowly anyway without a symbiote to sustain her immune system. She was just making it quick and painless instead of letting her host waste away. So she was doing her host a favour. Or so she thought. Selmak lay down next to her new host, and in one fluid motion, leapt from her old host’s neck. Instincts taking over, she burrowed through soft tissue in the neck, eventually reaching her goal and wrapping herself around her host’s brainstem and spine.
Anguished screams filled her mind, both external and internal. In a desperate effort to calm her hysterical host, Selmak sent her to the farthest reaches of her mind, where she had prepared the calming scenery of Ranisa. She had mastered this skill, finding it a more successful way than using pain to control the host. Clearly the method worked, as the screams faded away into sobs and overwhelming feelings of sadness. Selmak had not felt so much grief in her life, even from previous hosts, but none of them lost as much as her new host did. Sarisha. That was her name. Selmak gently plucked memories and thoughts from her host’s mind, discovering that Sarisha’s parents had been wiped out in the first wave, lying there injured beyond saving while Sarisha watched them die. Selmak felt a pang of sympathy, then instantly shook her head. She was not going to be influenced by this host.
**
Jacob woke up to find himself being dragged along the ground. Apparently, Bynarr wanted to inflict more pain on his prisoners. He was grateful for the break from Selmak’s memory session, but at this time, anything was better than the torture. He was not afraid of death itself, since he knew the risks when he accepted this mission, but he feared giving up vital information.
<We will not betray our friends, Jacob. >
Jacob envied how calm Selmak was. Considering that they were going to be tortured to death, she sure didn’t sound a bit worried.
<I know, Sel. >
They were once again in Bynarr’s quarters. This time, the Goa’uld got straight to the questioning, and torture.
“Tell me the location of the Tok’ra homeworld." Bynarr’s ribbon device glowed threateningly, warning Jacob of the consequences if he did not comply.
“No." She emphasized her refusal with a shake of their head. Bynarr responded by letting out a long painful blast from the ribbon device. Selmak was desperate. She and her host would not live to see their cell if Bynarr continued like this. Not that they liked their cell.
“We are based on the planet Entac." Selmak corrected, remembering the primitive planet they had recently encountered.
“You lie. Sokar conquered Entac. There were no Tok’ra there." With that, Bynarr activated the ribbon device again, blinding Jacob/Selmak momentarily with pain, then shut it off. He wanted the Tok’ra to experience the torture, not fall unconscious straight away.
“I will ask again, and you will do well to answer truthfully. Where is the Tok’ra homeworld?"
“I. Don’t. Know." Jacob gasped out. Selmak was busy healing the damage done to his nerves by the device, turning herself inwards and shutting everything else out.
Bynarr was disgusted. A Goa’uld allowing his host to speak? Pitiful. He was going to gain pleasure from torturing the Tok’ra to death. Slowly.
“Who are the Tok’ra operatives amongst Sokar’s ranks?" Bynarr decided to try a different question. If he could uncover the other Tok’ra spies, he would have more to torture.
“There are none." Selmak was back. The first blast by the ribbon device didn’t do too much damage, so the healing was quick.
The last thing Jacob remembered was a glowing jewel and searing pain.
**
<How long was it this time, Sel? >
Jacob groaned. He felt like someone was pounding on his head with a sledgehammer. Even with a symbiote, he could have the worst headaches. Especially after close encounters with torture devices. The pain quickly subsided when Selmak blocked it out.
<Of that I am uncertain. However, I estimate it has been two days since our capture. >
Selmak’s mental voice was laced with worry. If Sokar’s planned attack on the System Lords could not be stopped, he would rule the galaxy, destroying the Tok’ra’s chances of ever ridding the galaxy of the Goa’uld. Selmak was suddenly silent. Her presence was faint and fading, her voice echoing slightly in the tunnels of his mind. Jacob panicked, not sure of this experience. Whatever it was, he was sure it did not bode well for Selmak.
<Sel? Are you okay? >
<Jacob, I am dying. Do not be alarmed if I do not reply to you. I must become dormant in order to heal myself. >
Jacob was shocked. He didn’t realize the torture had such an effect on his symbiote. But the ribbon device was aimed directly at Selmak. Feelings of regret and sadness overcame him. Selmak had been his soul mate, sharing every intimate detail of his life. She had helped him greatly, pushing him to reunite with Mark, and his relationship with his daughter had strengthened since the blending.
<Selmak? If we die, I just want to say that - >
<I know Jacob, I know. >
Appreciation and love washed over them both, and for the first time in a long time, they felt surprisingly calm and peaceful. Jacob felt Selmak fall asleep, her thoughts and feelings no longer penetrating him. He toned down his emotions, careful to not awaken Selmak from her slumber. Finally realizing that he was alone, and tired, Jacob followed Selmak into a healing torpor.
**
Jacob faintly remembered being awoken again, to be dragged off to interrogation, tortured, and dragged back again. Without Selmak’s advanced healing powers, Jacob was dying as well. Every torture session sapped more and more of his strength and resolve. He was holding onto life by a thin thread and was ready to give up any hope of rescue. Selmak only communicated once or twice with him during this time, and only brief whispers of apology that she could not do more for him. He felt truly alone, having only gotten used to the experience of sharing his mind with another soul. Bynarr had given up in getting information of any use out of him, instead choosing to make him suffer, in his own words, in the ‘harshest ways of the damned’. The oblivion of sleep was a much welcomed relief from the pain, and served as a way to pass the time.
**
“…but I’m sure he must know how she escaped."
A familiar voice penetrated his foggy mind. It couldn’t be…could it?
“Sam? Sam?" Jacob struggled to raise his voice above a whisper.
“Dad?"
Jacob felt a rush of excitement. Hearing his daughter’s voice gave him a newfound strength, but at the same time, he was afraid he had started hallucinating. He strained to form a question.
“Am I dreaming?" What better way to find out if they were hallucinations, than to ask them?
“No, we’re real." His daughter sounded so relieved, reflecting his own feelings. He would at least be able to say a goodbye to his daughter before he died.
He felt slightly angry with himself for making such a selfish wish. His daughter would die along with him, unless there was a way out, and there wasn’t.
“Are you crazy?" He disapproved of his daughter’s rescue mission. He didn’t want to be the cause of his daughter’s demise.
“Uh, apparently." A voice replied. Recognizing the voice as Colonel O’Neill, he realized that Martouf/Lantesh and Sam’s team had also came. He was relieved. He trusted Martouf, learning from Selmak’s memories and personal experience that he and Lantesh were a formidable warrior, as well as an honest and trustworthy man. Martouf would not bring them into such situation if there was no escape. Would he? Normally, Selmak would reply to his musings, chasing away his doubts. But now, she was dormant, the only reminder that she was there was her ever-fading presence.
“Are you okay?" Sam’s voice was laced with concern.
“Been better." He replied honestly. This situation was up there with his list of bad situations.
“Selmak?" The young Tok’ra enquired, putting a hand to his head to feel the unique presence of his symbiote.
“He’s dying." Jacob replied with a heavy heart. She was dying, and there was nothing he could do to help her. His soul mate and best friend was going to rot away with him in this god-forsaken place.
“This will help." Martouf pushed a vial of green liquid into Jacob’s mouth. He coughed at the bad taste, but drank it anyway. He would drink anything if it would help Selmak.
“Hang in there. We’re gonna get you out." Sam’s voice held strong determination, and Jacob marvelled at her character. He had always been proud of her strength, which was much like his own.
Feeling something soft being slipped under his head, Jacob leaned back, comforted by his daughter’s presence. Sam was whispering "It’s okay." to him, repeating it almost like a mantra. She was obviously trying to convince herself as well as him.
**
Feeling a vial being pushed into his mouth again, Jacob sucked eagerly, desperate for any sort of liquid. The dry heat induced dehydration, which worsened his condition.
“Do you have the strength to speak?" Someone was talking to him. Martouf.
Jacob nodded, trying to clear his head. He was sure the Tok’ra High Council sent Martouf to extract information from him. In a way, his mission had been successful. He had gotten the data on the attack, and was now able to relay it back, making effective use of it.
“We can relay communication to the Tok’ra Council." Martouf reminded, inviting him to share his findings.
“Sokar’s fleet is ten times larger than we thought. He is poised to attack six System Lords." Jacob paused for a moment. "He will win."
“He will control an army big enough to rule the galaxy if that is so." Martouf explained, knowing that Sam’s team wasn’t aware of the implications.
“When is all this supposed to happen?" Colonel O’Neill decided to join in on the questioning.
“The attack was due to take place two weeks from the time I was captured. That was four days ago." Jacob replied. Was it really that long? Jacob had checked the time from Selmak’s internal clock, and didn’t doubt the accuracy, but he had only been fully awake for one day. For the majority of the time, he had been unconscious, or close to it.
“We must relay this to the Tok’ra immediately." Martouf said.
Satisfied that his information was after all going to be useful, sleep overcame him.
**
Anguished screaming reverberated in his head, pulling him from his deep slumber.
“Sam?" He couldn’t sense the unique presence of Jolinar that resided in his daughter. Any other time, he would have marvelled over how he could feel her presence, and not in the usual sense. But now was not the time.
“She’ll be back." Daniel responded.
“Where is she?" Jacob asked, dreading the answer. Wherever she was, she wasn’t safe.
“She’s with Bynarr." Jack supplied.
“Samantha believes Bynarr is the key to our escape." Martouf added in an unsure tone.
“Bynarr is Sokar’s eyes and ears." Jacob said. He was confused as to why Sam thought Bynarr would help.
“Well, eye and ears." Jack quipped in his sarcastic tone.
“He ensures there are no uprisings - " Jacob started.
“Keeps the conditions livable." Jack added.
“ – and he reports back to Sokar regularly. Sokar enjoys hearing about the suffering." Jacob finished.
“What’s that?" Jack was confused.
“Sokar comes here?" Martouf clarified.
“No. Bynarr goes to the planet." Jacob replied, remembering events that seemed so long ago.
“How do you know?" Martouf asked.
“I saw him there before I was captured." Jacob answered. Bynarr had come to report to Sokar, informing him of how many denizens died, how he tortured them, while Jacob and Selmak listened on with disgust.
“Do you know how he gets there?" Daniel asked.
Jacob shook his head, feeling disappointed he was not able to give any more information. If he discovered how Bynarr had travelled to Sokar’s planet, they would be able to escape. But he wasn’t so lucky. Voices and images blurred into a whirlpool of colours in Jacob’s mind as he once again fell into a deep sleep.
**
“Nay’o’nak just killed Bynarr…about to kill me…came in…shot him…staff weapon…" Words drifted into Jacob’s hazy mind. He suddenly realized that Selmak’s presence was stronger than the faint echo it was before. Jacob deduced that the green drink supplied some sort of extra energy to Selmak, aiding her in her self-healing. He struggled to make sense of these words, and form a coherent response.
“The denizens will riot." Jacob helpfully supplied after his rather groggy mind chose to co-operate. Renewed hope filled his heart. This was their only chance at getting out.
“This could be our shot." Jack voiced Jacob’s thoughts.
“To do what? The rings lead to Sokar’s palace." Jacob’s heart sank. Daniel was right. A group of five would be too conspicuous, and they would have no way to defend themselves if need be.
“Hey! It’s a way out of here!" Jacob sighed internally. Jack obviously didn’t see, or chose to ignore the faults in this rather unformed plan.
“Jolinar was one person and she had a hand device." Sam reminded them. Although she was just stating fact, Jacob couldn’t help but feel a twinge of resentment at her words. Regret also filled his heart. Regret that he could not further their relationship, regret that his predicament could very possibly cause the death of five important people. He couldn’t let that happen.
“Leave me." Those two words evoked such strong emotion within him. The regret was back. His daughter’s face twisted into something akin to horror at her father’s request. Their relationship had been strengthened during those brief periods of leave that Jacob took from the Tok’ra, coinciding with Sam’s downtime. They had reunited only to lose each other again. The feeling of regret was growing now.
“Uh, Jacob, you seem to be missing the whole point." Jacob silently cursed Jack. Jacob was willing to die, if it meant the survival of his companions. Knowing Jack’s ‘no-one gets left behind’ attitude, it was going to take a lot to convince him to go against his own ethics. And that was the end of that. They weren’t going to leave Jacob.
Feeling his strength lessening, Jacob listened in on the group’s wild bursts of inspiration. They were planning on using the transport rings to travel to the Teltak, piloted by Teal’c. With renewed hope in his heart, Jacob silently cheered as two guards were knocked unconscious by his friends. Maybe this plan will work after all. Daniel helped him up, supporting his weight while they trudged up to Bynarr’s quarters. He didn’t have much strength left, and it was all he could do to stay awake. Selmak was losing her inner battle with death.
Waiting for Martouf to activate the rings seemed like a lifetime. Although he knew it was difficult to hotwire the rings, he couldn’t help but feel impatient. The thumping on the door reminded them of what little time they had, urging them to hurry. Adrenalin pumped through him when Martouf finally announced that the rigs were ready. With a loud bang, the doors flew open by the power of a ribbon device. Jacob’s heart sank. To taste freedom, then to have it taken away was…cruel. He had promised himself that if they escaped, he would spend more time with his amazing daughter. He didn’t care what the Tok’ra Council said; he knew they would grant him leave with Selmak’s influence. She was, after all, the ‘oldest and wisest among us’.
Being forced down on his knees was almost a relief. Almost. With his strength being slowly sapped away, he felt like toppling over any second now.
“…from this day forth, I shall reclaim my rightful name…Apophis." Jacob searched through his memories. As far as he knew, Martouf had reported that the SGC had sent Apophis through to Sokar, to avoid total annihilation. He knew that Sokar had a sarcophagus in his possession, and would revive Apophis for the pleasure of torturing him, but he didn’t know Apophis would be given such freedom on Naetu. Still reeling from shock, Jacob struggled to keep awake, but was unsuccessful. Space and time blurred as he once again fell unconscious.
**
Drifting in and out of consciousness, Jacob realized he didn’t have enough strength to keep on going. Selmak was losing the battle fast, and so was Jacob without Selmak’s healing powers. He had to tell his daughter, to say goodbye one last time.
“Sam?" Jacob whispered. His daughter’s face came into view.
“I’m here, I’m here." Sam reassured him.
“Sam, I hate to sound negative here - " He started.
“Shh…save your strength." Sam cut in.
“I don’t think I’m gonna make it." Jacob tried to explain. There. He said it. Now he had to deal with seeing his daughter’s outer façade crumble. He wasn’t used to seeing Sam cry, but wasn’t happy he was the cause.
“No. That is unacceptable. Think about seeing your grandchildren again. Don’t make me have to explain this to them." Sam admonished. She was right. His grandchildren…he had only just gotten to know them. Making up with his son had done wonders for him. Thinking of them gave him an inner strength he never knew he had. Giving a brief nod to convey his understanding, Jacob slipped off to dreamland again. This time, he went with the determination to stay alive.
**
The ground was shaking. That was Jacob’s first thought as he came to. Geysers of fire shot through the vents in the ground, informing them it was time to go. Staying here would only ensure them being fried to death. And that wouldn’t be good.
“I am here with the Tok’ra Aldwin. He has launched a weapon into the moon’s core which will explode, destroying Sokar’s ship which is in orbit." Teal’c’s deep voice came through the communication device.
“The Tok’ra High Council must believe it is the only choice, otherwise they would not sacrifice us in this way." Martouf said, as if trying to justify the Council’s decision.
Jacob remembered Aldwin well. He was one of the Tok’ra that accepted everything the High Council ordered, never questioning their actions. Although Jacob agreed with this decision, he was disturbed with the way the Tok’ra accepted death so easily. Death of mates, friends, and colleagues. But the Tok’ra were fighting a war started millennia ago, and most of the Tok’ra had seen plenty of death and destruction during their days.
“We’re not dead yet." Came Jack’s sentiment. Jacob respected Jack. He had a pure determination that had helped his team get out of tough situations very often.
“I have an idea." Sam said suddenly. Jacob felt a surge of pride. Before the blending, he was told that his daughter worked on satellites. He didn’t feel her skills were adequately used in that position, but didn’t disclose that thought. He had felt proud of her then, and he was feeling more and more proud of her now. He could always trust Sam to come up with solutions.
Sure enough, after a short while, the team backed away, and the vent blew the trapdoor open. Feeling for once grateful towards the hot fires, Jacob was helped up by Daniel and dragged out of the cell. He planned on never seeing that cell again. And he wouldn’t, if all went to plan.
**
He was on the cargo ship. They had escaped seconds before the moon blew, taking Sokar’s ship along with it. They had felt some small amount of satisfaction knowing that they blew Hell up. Jacob didn’t care. He was with his daughter, and that was all that mattered.
“Do you have any leave coming up?" After all, he did deserve a break.
“Yeah, a little." Sam replied. He knew Sam wasn’t going to be dragged away from her work easily.
Savouring the wetness of the offered water for a minute, Jacob continued.
“I was thinking maybe we could take a little father-daughter vacation together."
“That’d be great, Dad"
“I hear Alaska’s cold this time of year."
Sam laughed softly, gave him a kiss, and hugged him. Jacob leaned back, content.
**
<Jacob! >
An alarm clock went off in his head. Literally. Jacob had been annoyed to learn that Selmak could bring up his memories, and play them. Again and again. Apparently, playing the sound of an alarm clock was her favourite way of waking up her host.
<Wha-? Selmak? >
<Yes Jacob, it is I. >
After being rescued from Naetu, Aldwin had piloted the Teltak to Vorash, the current Tok’ra base. There Jacob/Selmak was steered in the direction of their quarters, with orders to rest. Selmak had recovered from near death, with a little help from the healers. Jacob was surprised to learn that in fact a week had passed since their retrieval, and was more surprised to discover he had slept during that whole time.
<Jacob? >
<Hmm…? >
<As we are adequately rested, we must continue what we started on Naetu. >
Oh. That. Jacob had been fairly curious as to Selmak’s Goa’uld past, but didn’t particularly like experiencing the thoughts and emotions that went with the memories. But still, it was necessary.
**
Her insolent host was now getting annoying. After throwing insults and all the verbal assault she could at her captor, Sarisha realized that would not work. So she used a different tactic. Whenever Selmak was concentrating on something important, Sarisha would distract her symbiote with a sudden onslaught of memories. She had learnt the Goa’uld’s true weakness. They usually tortured their hosts with gruesome images from memories, eventually weakening the host’s spirit so that they gave up. Sarisha had learnt to use that against her. Of course, Selmak didn’t approve of subjugating the host in that manner, so she instead used a gentler way. She locked them in a corner of her mind, molded into calming scenery from her host’s past. She had thought it would work, but obviously it didn’t. She would have to use a different tactic.
More and more people were refusing to worship her as their goddess. She made an example of them by destroying the inhabitants. It was a pity. She could no longer afford to pay workers if she couldn’t find more followers. Resorting to slavery was the last thing she wanted to do, and she had tried to show her host that. But Sarisha wouldn’t listen, distracting Selmak at the worst times, forcing Selmak to make disastrous mistakes. Mistakes that would lead to her downfall. And she couldn’t let that happen.
A planet under Selmak’s rule had recently rebelled, renouncing her as their goddess. She responded by wiping out their whole population. Now she was going to inspect her handiwork.
Normally she wouldn’t visit a planet after she annihilated their people, because a small part of her rebelled at the idea of killing. She usually ruthlessly suppressed that part of her, but it had taken control a few times, sparing planets she otherwise would have destroyed.
**
The smell of burnt carrion wafted through the air. The village was quiet, devoid of any life. Even the birds that normally sang so joyfully were gone, scared away by the scream of thousands of people, the sounds of firing staff weapons. Selmak walked alone, having dismissed her guards.
<Sarisha? >
Selmak called out into the recesses of her mind. She had unlocked the gate that normally prevented her host from being aware of the world. Of course, Sarisha could always read her thoughts, but she wouldn’t be too aware of the going-ons.
<Selmak? Why have you let me out? What have you done? >
Sarisha let out a wave of anger. She had seen the death and destruction Selmak had inflicted onto this planet. Sensing something was amiss, Sarisha sifted through Selmak’s thoughts, intent on finding out her intentions.
<These are the consequences of your distractions. I did not plan on destroying this world, but during one of my visits, you took control. The people did not believe in a goddess who fought with herself. They rebelled, and they have paid with their lives. >
Selmak explained dispassionately as if she was explaining a phrase to a small child.
<Why? How could you? They were innocent! >
Sarisha was screaming at her now. The state of this world reminded her of the fate her own, bringing fresh pain into her mind.
<That is why you must learn to co-operate. Do not fight me and no more shall suffer. >
Selmak received a grudging acceptance from her host in response. Satisfied that she now had her host under control, Selmak moved to return to the ship.
**
The scenery changed once again to the blue Tok’ra crystals. Jacob blinked. This was a very disorientating experience for him, even more than the change of control over his body.
<Suffice to say, Sarisha showed me the error of my ways. >
Selmak was sitting there, staring intently at him again.
<How did she do that? >
Jacob was confused. He had automatically assumed that Selmak was going to show him all her memories leading up to her involvement with the Tok’ra, but obviously she disliked remembering that time.
<When we were alone, she tried to convince me that my actions were wrong. Eventually, I chose to join the Tok’ra. The group was still very young then, and desired the amount of Goa’uld knowledge I possessed. >
<She convinced you? >
Jacob’s tone was laced with disbelief. If a Goa’uld host could convince their captor to do something, they would have a whole new method of fighting the Goa’uld.
<A host’s influence is strong, particularly if the Goa’uld allowed their host freedom in their mind as I did. Most Goa’uld didn’t communicate with their host, but I chose to. The result was my joining the Tok’ra. >
She gestured towards the crystal walls as if to emphasize her point.
<Jacob, > Selmak paused, studying his face. <Are you afraid of me? >
<No. >
The reply was honest, and almost immediately Jacob felt a flow of relief from Selmak.
<That was your past. You’ve changed now, and making up for your actions by fighting the Goa’uld. You’ve saved thousands of potential slaves and hosts. >
Although Jacob knew that Selmak, or at least some part of her, had already reconciled with her past, he felt compelled to reassure her.
<Now, > He began, getting up from the block of crystal that was the Tok’ra version of a bed. <Let’s go see Garshaw. >
Walking towards the Council chambers where he knew the High Councilor would be, Jacob mentally planned his vacation. He was going to take a little trip to Alaska. With his daughter.
AUTHOR’S NOTES: Well, I was intrigued with the host/symbiote relationship, so I thought ‘why not?’ This is my first Stargate fanfic, so be gentle!
© January 29, 2003 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.