"Daniel?" Colonel O’Neill’s voice was soft and . . . hopeful, something Jonas hadn’t heard in the year he’d been on SG-1. He drew in a surprised breath at the sight of Daniel Jackson, obviously healthy, flesh and blood and walking towards them. The last time Jonas had seen Dr. Jackson in human form had been from an observation room overlooking the bed in which the other man lay, shrouded in bandages but suffering in silence.
Even as he watched Dr. Jackson rebuff the rest of SG-1 and walk away with Shamda following, Jonas couldn’t help the smile that lit his face. He felt a year’s worth of guilt fall from his shoulders, a weight he’d carried ever since he’d crouched in relative safety and let a stranger risk and ultimately give up his life to stop the explosion from the Naquadria bomb.
No matter how courageous you think you are, it’s not until you’re put to the test, put under pressure, that you find out the truth. Jonas had always thought of himself as brave. He’d had a hard time accepting that, when lives were on the line, he wasn’t. When Dr. Jackson had shot out the glass window and saved the lives of millions of Kelownan people as well as SG-1, Jonas had frozen. He’d frozen again shortly after joining SG-1. It was little wonder Colonel O’Neill had never trusted him. How could you trust someone you didn’t know if you could rely on under fire?
Later, while he and Teal’c prepared the UAV to start the survey of Vis Uban Jonas felt his attention wander to where they’d left Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter back at the camp, and to the man who’d so unexpectedly appeared.
Jonas glanced at Teal’c, who was standing still and silent, his thoughts so obviously back with his other teammates. When Teal’c felt his regard he turned and, when Jonas saw the emotion in the Jaffa’s brown eyes, he had to blink to clear his own vision. Yes, this was an incredible day, one that Jonas would remember for the rest of his life. With a smile and a nod to his large comrade, he set about his task again.
Several minutes later Jonas paused, a thought suddenly occurring to him. Had he been nudged by Oma Desala to suggest this mission to Vis Uban? If he hadn’t recommended they go to the last planet on the list it might have been many years until the SGC got around to coming here. After all, in the four years since the SGC had gotten the additional addresses, they’d only been to a quarter of them.
As they watched the UAV soar with so little effort into the blue, cloudless sky to begin the survey of the site, Jonas took a deep breath of the clean cool air. He then turned to accompany Teal’c back to report to Colonel O’Neill.
"And what of Daniel Jackson?" Teal’c asked, his tone hopeful.
"He’s going home." They’d all turned to watch Dr. Jackson leave the tent and put his bag over his shoulder. Jonas smiled again, his emotions soaring.
The medical tests Dr. Jackson had to be subjected to were going to be long and involved. Obviously the Colonel, Major Carter and Teal’c didn’t want to leave Dr. Jackson alone for a minute but Jonas welcomed the chance to be by himself, to sort through what he was feeling. He left the others, all eagerly planning Dr. Jackson’s room, and made his way quickly to his office and shut both doors.
Sitting down at his desk, he gazed around the room. So much on the shelves around him had belonged to Dr. Jackson. This knowledge, over the past year, had given Jonas a sense of history. By reading the mission reports and all the books and journals Dr. Jackson had accumulated during his lifetime, Jonas’ respect for the archaeologist had increased and the sense of loss from his death had intensified.
Jonas had been somewhat in awe the first time he’d met SG-1 – they were the first aliens he’d ever encountered. Dr. Jackson had loaned him a book to read but, at the time, his imagination had been captured and he was more interested in what was out there beyond the Stargate. While the rest of SG-1 did a city tour, Jonas was more than happy to be given the task of showing Dr. Jackson around. It was this man he most identified with.
He remembered the last time he’d seen Dr. Jackson before he ascended. He’d been in the observation room with General Hammond just after coming through the Stargate with the Naquadria he’d stolen.
Looking down upon Dr. Jackson in his bed Jonas saw Colonel O’Neill sitting with him, looking so sad, so defeated. When the colonel noticed Jonas watching, his whole demeanor had changed. Jonas knew the other man didn’t want to show any sign of emotion, any weakness. Jonas though, in that brief instant when the Colonel had first looked up and saw him, knew how much Jack O’Neill loved Daniel Jackson and knew how painful it was for this man, who was a man of action, to sit idly by while his friend was dying.
Jonas had heard details of the horrific deaths the Kelownan scientists had gone through and knew Dr. Jackson was going to suffer the same fate, barring any miracles.
At that time Jonas had put a proposition forward to General Hammond. The SGC needed Jonas along with the Naquadria as he knew more about the substance than anyone on Earth. And he wanted to stay on Earth. To return to Kelowna would mean his arrest as a traitor and a thief. He would serve many years on jail.
In the chaos when Jacob Carter had arrived, Jonas had tucked himself into a corner, hoping not to be noticed. Eventually, after Daniel Jackson’s death, General Hammond had shaken himself out of the grief stricken daze he’d fallen into and allocated Jonas a VIP room. Jonas knew that the general had then contacted his superiors in Washington with regard to what to do with their unexpected guest.
Jonas had vowed that day that he would continue Daniel Jackson’s work, that he would learn all he could to render any necessary assistance to these people. His inaction had robbed them of a very important, and much loved, member of their team and his guilt made it imperative that he help in any way he could.
It wasn’t until three months later, after he’d joined SG-1, that Jonas found out Dr. Jackson hadn’t died, but had ascended. Sam and Teal’c had only told him after he’d overheard them discussing it.
Jonas watched SG-1 handle their grief in different ways. All were outwardly coping but Major Carter would sometimes seem close to tears when in his office looking at the items on his shelves and he knew she was thinking of the office’s last occupant. Teal’c would occasionally lapse into silence, his mouth tight, his eyes misting.
Colonel O’Neill withdrew, from everything and everybody. It was so obvious even Jonas, who hadn’t known him before, saw it. He’d only seen Colonel O’Neill with Dr. Jackson on Kelowna for a few hours but in those few hours he had seen a different Jack O’Neill than the one he would come to serve under.
Jonas knew he would never have the love of his teammates the way Dr. Jackson did, even if he’d been on the team for years. It wasn’t his failure, it was just the sort of person Daniel Jackson was. His personality and sense of right were so strong and he never deviated from his course, no matter what the cost.
Jonas’ thoughts turned to the recent events on Abydos. He bit his lip. The loss of the Abydonians was going to devastate Dr. Jackson, who Jonas was sure had done everything in his power to stop Anubis. After listening to Colonel O’Neill and Teal’c relate their encounters with Daniel Jackson while he was ascended, Jonas decided he had been stopped from destroying Anubis by either Oma Desala or the Others that day. Nothing else made sense.
And now he was back and Jonas wasn’t sure how he felt about that. On the one hand he was happy for his teammates, who were so obviously overjoyed. But, on the other hand, Jonas wondered about his own fate.
Leaving the office several hours later Jonas felt a sense of rightness settle about him. He would willingly give up his place on SG-1 for Daniel Jackson. He just wished that he could return to Kelowna without the threat of jail time hanging over his head. He missed hiking in the Manyard Mountains near his home, he missed sharing Bulley with his old school friends, in fact he missed the taste and smell of Bulley, the Tau’ri’s coffee just didn’t have the same . . . punch.
"Well, I got my wish," Jonas thought as he looked around his new quarters on Kelowna weeks later. The apartment he’d lived in before now had other occupants, as well as now being considered beneath the level of accommodation the Kelownan Government felt fitting for him in his new position.
As he unpacked his meager belongings from his bag, Jonas’ thoughts returned to the people he’d just left on the other side of the Stargate. He conceded he’d made a mistake pushing to be part of SG-1, for he never truly was a part of the team. While Sam and Teal’c partially accepted him, he knew they would have accepted any other replacement put on the team. Colonel O’Neill never accepted him, no matter what Daniel had said aboard Anubis’ ship. The colonel had always looked at Jonas and had only ever seen what was missing – Daniel Jackson.
Jonas knew he should never have tried to replace Daniel. His attempts had failed and only pushed the colonel even further away. He just desperately wanted to make up for what he saw as his failure that day. He often wondered, over the next year as he learnt the sort of person Daniel Jackson was, if the universe would have been better off if Jonas had stopped the bomb and lost his life rather than Daniel Jackson.
Jonas had enjoyed his time with the SGC, had learned so much about the Tau’ri culture, and himself. He wasn’t a warrior, no matter what Teal’c had said on the ramp just now. He was a scientist who would rather sit and take in information than be put under pressure in the field to come up with solutions.
Reading Daniel’s journals had confirmed this was the doctor’s specialty, being able to think on the spot, think ‘outside the square’ as the Tau’ri said.
Jonas briefly paused in his packing to think back over the last few days. He sighed, acknowledging that he was ashamed of his fellow Kelownans. Each encounter that SG-1 had had with his people had just cemented in Colonel O’Neill’s mind the idea that they were unworthy. Unworthy of Earth’s assistance, unworthy of the life of Daniel Jackson, his sacrifice for them.
Jonas just wished the colonel and the others had had the chance to meet the people he worked with on a daily basis, they were so different from the bureaucrats SG-1 had met so far, they were worthy.
Jonas nodded to himself. He was happy to be back home where he wasn’t looked upon as something weird. On Earth he’d always been on the outside looking in. The only time he’d really felt like he belonged in the SGC was when Daniel was back and the pressure was off him to perform. It was surprising how close Jonas had grown to Daniel Jackson in the short time he’d known him.
Jonas walked over to the window and looked out over Kelowna. He could make a difference here. He’d seen what was out there. He knew what to prepare his people for. He just had to unite the three nations and point them towards a common goal. ‘Easier said than done,’ he told himself with a sigh but it was a task he would relish. With one more look out the window and a silent wish for Daniel Jackson to find happiness among the people who loved him, Jonas turned and headed out the door, out to his new life.
Author’s Notes: Out of all the series this one was the hardest to write. After 25 episodes I still didn’t feel I knew Jonas at all so trying to get into his head was difficult.
© November 18th, 2003 Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, SCI FI Channel, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. These stories are for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. These stories may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Copyright on images remains with the above named rights-holders.