"Machello..."whispered Teal’c. Dr.Frasier smiled as his vital signs returned to normal.
Jack O’Neill and Samantha Carter huddled over the sick Jaffa’s bed.
"Hey, big guy, how are you and Junior doing?"
"I believe my symbiote and I are greatly improving, O’Neill. What of Daniel Jackson?"
Carter squeezed Teal’c’s hand,"Daniel’s all better Teal’c. And he figured out what was wrong with you."
"I am pleased he is well and wish to offer my gratitude. Where is Daniel Jackson?"
The doctor, colonel and major looked around the room. Jack spotted the missing archeologist first, slumped in a chair.
"Hey, Danny-boy! I know you’re tired, but someone wants to talk to you. Come-on, Daniel!"urged Jack, shaking Daniel’s shoulder. "Uh, Doc? He’s not waking up and I think something’s wrong with his breathing, it’s sounds too slow..."
Dr. Frasier ran across the room, "Daniel! Dr.Jackson! Can you hear me? Colonel, help me move him onto a bed. Now!!!"
Jack obeyed, responding to the order like the trained soldier he was. They gently laid the younger man on a the closest bed. Daniel lay completely still. Jack could barely see any chest movement.
Frasier started barking orders out to her staff, "I need a tox screen right now, check for blood levels of Haldol and anything else that Daniel was given at the hospital. Also, get MacKenzie on the phone stat!"
"Janet? What’s wrong with Daniel? Did Machello’s bug hurt him somehow?"asked Carter.
Frasier shook her head, while studying the monitors in front of her. "No, we did. MacKenzie and I... we administered heavy doses of psychotropic drugs. Usually only given to people in extreme episodes of schizophrenia or other psychotic breaks... the standard procedure is to keep medicating the patient until they calm down and are no longer a risk to themselves. But all of these medications have dangerous side effects. Once a person’s symptoms improve, the drugs are slowly decreased to prevent the body from going into shock. Stopping them too suddenly can cause cardio-pulmonary distress. Plus the drugs have a tendency to affect liver, kidney and brain function. And, in the excitement of Teal’c recovering, I... forgot. I didn’t think about Daniel... he seemed to be back to his old self and I forgot what he’s been going through the past few days."
Suddenly, Daniel went rigid and began to convulse.
"He’s seizing! Give me 5ml atavan... Colonel, Major, get out now!!!"
A quick glance at the petite doctor confirmed that this was not a time to argue with orders. O’Neill and Carter retreated to the waiting area, just outside the infirmary.
Carter turned toward O’Neill, eyes filled with tears, "Sir... this is our fault?"
"Yes, Carter. Because I didn’t listen to Daniel or my gut, and let that quack MacKenzie drag him off to... all those damn drugs are poisoning him. He tried to tell me and I just humored him, before walking away."
O’Neill paced the length of the hallway like a caged animal. Carter sank into a chair, wrapping her arms around her body. An hour passed before Doctor Frasier emerged.
"Colonel? Major? You can come in now. Dr. Jackson is stabilized for the moment. I spoke to Dr. MacKenzie and have a better idea of what we’re dealing with... He’s going to be pretty out of it for the next few days, until we can safely wean the drugs out of his system. I’m going to have to keep him in the infirmary for at least a week while he’s detoxing. Dr. MacKenzie and I are developing a recovery plan, but it will be rough going for a while. There may be more seizures, he probably will be experiencing extreme depression until his dopamine levels return to normal, plus Daniel will experience all the side-effects of the medications, like hand tremors, lack of concentration, drooling, and flat affect."
"Flat what?" asked O’Neill.
"His face and voice may lack the normal range of emotion that we are used to seeing Daniel exhibit. He’ll look like he’s wearing a poker face," explained the doctor.
"Oh, so, you’re still pumping him full of drugs, that are going to make him feel like crap?"
Frasier sighed, " Yes, Colonel. We have to... the sudden shock to his system of being off the drugs entirely would be like going through heroin withdrawal or worse..."
Images of Daniel suffering from the withdrawal effects of the sarcophagus, flashed through O’Neill’s mind and he suppressed a shudder.
"What about him? What did all this do to his brain?"
"At this point, I can’t say for certain. At best, Daniel is going to be disoriented and emotionally distraught while we taper off the drugs. At worst... psychotropic drugs are effective in helping people with true mental health disorders caused by chemical imbalances of the brain, but when a healthy person is subjected to them... it could cause hallucinations, paranoia, depression and there is a chance the effects could be long term, even permanant."
"Son of a bitch! You mean the drugs you and MacKenzie pumped into Daniel to treat his "schizophrenia" may cause him to actually get schizophrenia?" growled O’Neill.
"It’s just a possibility, and a remote one at that, but you asked and I am trying to explain every possible outcome. I believe Daniel will be okay. It’s going to be tough for a while, but he’s healthy and so far the readings are encouraging."
"So what do we do?"
"We wait and see. Daniel will most likely be asleep for the next several hours. When he wakes up, we support him and reassure him. That’s all we can do sir."
O’Neill pushed by the diminutive doctor and plopped down in his customary chair by Daniel’s bed. The young man looked so small hooked up to the IV and monitors. The colonel frowned at the sight of vivid bruising on Daniel’s arms. He remembered seeing the orderlies at the hospital hold Daniel down to administer the injection. The orderlies O’Neill had ordered Carter to call.
Jack sat gazing at Daniel, lost in painful memories: Daniel taking a staff blast for him, Apophis blasting Daniel into the stone wall, Daniel trapped in a column of fire, Daniel propped against a wall with half of his chest blown away, Daniel hiding in the store room, ready to die because of the withdrawal effects of the sarcophagus. Since Jack had met Daniel, the younger man had died or almost died a multitude of times. And that was just the physical damage.
Daniel had lost his wife, brother and home to Apophis. He was raped by Hathor and seduced by Shyla. Sometimes it seemed like the world conspired against Jack’s gentle friend. And apparently that conspiracy went back to Daniel’s childhood. His parents dying in front of him in that museum and then being bounced from foster home to foster home, until finally just taking care of himself.
Jack felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up into Teal’cs eyes. The jaffa looked a bit haggard, but much better. Still, O’Neill was sure that Frasier hadn’t given her permission for him to be up and around.
"O’Neill. I will sit with DanielJackson. You may go rest and eat. Dr. Frasier assures me that he will not awaken for several hours yet."
Jack just shook his head, "No. Can’t leave right now. Maybe later. Should you really be up now? Maybe you should go Kel-No-Reem or something."
"I will be fine. I too cannot leave DanielJackson right now."
Jack looked around the room and saw Carter sitting in a chair, reading from a book.
"Hey, Carter? Whatcha doing?"
She looked up, embarrassed, "uh, well, I’m reading up on all those side effects Janet was describing. I wanted to see what exactly caused them, sir."
"Of course you did. Okay, so I’m guessing that you aren’t planning to leave anytime soon either, right?"
"No, sir."
"Okay, since no one is going to get any sleep and we’ve all skipped lunch and dinner, why don’t you call Sgt. Tyler in the mess and see if he’ll send us something to eat?"
"Yes, sir."
SG-1 spent the night in the infirmary. Carter dozed off in her chair, until O’Neill ordered her to climb onto one of the beds. Teal’c sat in a corner and went into Kel-No-Reem. And Jack sat studying the pale, slight figure asleep on the bed. Danny always bounced back. He always recovered physically and emotionally. Jack wondered if he would make it back this time.
"J’ck?"
O’Neill looked down at a pair of bleary blue eyes looking up at him.
"Hey, Danny... how’ya feeling?"
The eyes blinked a few times, "Tired.... thirsty....any water?"
"Sure. Here, take a few sips. Anything else? I should probably let Frasier know you’re awake."
The eyes closed, then opened wide, "Jack! What about Teal’c? Is he okay?"
"Yeah, Danny, he’s fine. Thanks to you."
"Good... uh, Jack? Why am I in the infirmary and why are you here?" asked Daniel.
"Frasier can explain better, but basically, you had a bad reaction to those drugs they gave you at the hospital. But everything’s going to be okay now."
"Oh... Jack?"
"Yes, Daniel?"
The younger man bit his lip for a moment before answering, "Jack? I don’t have to go back there, do I? I can’t go back there..."
Jack reached down and grabbed Daniel’s hand, "You never have to go back there, Daniel. I promise. You’re safe and I won’t let anyone take you away."
"Thanks, Jack."
Daniel closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep. Jack waited a few moments before tiptoeing over to Janet’s office.
"Hey! Doc! Daniel woke up for a few minutes."
"Why didn’t you come and get me sooner?" demanded the doctor.
"Well, I thought, maybe, Daniel’s comfort and peace of mind outweighed your need to poke him with needles."
Frasier sighed, "Fine. How was he?"
"Tired. Thirsty. Worried about Teal’c. Scared he was being shipped back to the looney bin."
"All very understandable. But he was lucid?"
"Yup. Made perfect sense."
The doctor smiled, "That’s a good sign. It means his brain chemistry is returning to normal. You should go get some sleep. I’ll stay with him."
"Nothing doing. I know right now he’s okay, but who know’s how he’ll be the next time he wakes up. I promised him."
"Fine. You can stay. But you have to order the rest of your time out of here for at least six hours."
"Deal"
Over the next two days, Jack sat in his chair by Daniel, or dozed in the next bed over. Frequently, Jack found Daniel tossing and turning, seemingly stuck in a cycle of bad dreams, but a few whispered words of reassurance and a calming hand on his forehead sent Daniel back to sleep.
Finally, Daniel was fully awake and ready to leave.
"I’m fine. I need to go home now!" demanded Daniel.
Frasier shook her head, "No. Dr. Jackson, you still have several drugs in your system that could cause dangerous side effects. Plus, less than three days ago, you had a grand-mal seizure and went into respiratory arrest. I can’t release you for at least two more days."
"That’s ridiculous. I’m fine! And I want to go home! You can’t keep me here!"
"I’m your doctor and the CMO of this facility. Yes, I can. We’re still weaning you off of the medication and I need to keep an eye on you."
"I don’t want to be weaned off! I want them gone now! No more meds! My head feels like its stuffed with cotton balls and my hands can’t stop shaking and ... I just can’t deal with this crap anymore! You’ve turned me into some kind of, of, retard! And I want to go home!"
"Easy there, big guy, "soothed O’Neill. "The Doc is trying to help. All that stuff will go away soon, right, Doc?"
"As I’ve explained, Daniel, if we stop all the drugs cold turkey, you would probably have another seizure. Your blood work looks encouraging and by tomorrow, we should be able to stop the last of the meds, but I’ll need to keep you for at least 24 hours after that for observation."
"See? That’s not so bad. Okay, Danny-boy?"
"Shut-up, Jack. Just shut-up! You aren’t the one doped out his mind. I can’t concentrate, I can barely even think! All I want is to sleep in my own bed and forget this whole thing."
"Dr. Jackson, I understand your frustration, but I have no choice. I am responsible for your health and that is the end of the discussion, " said Frasier.
"Oh, right, you have no choice... you are responsible... like you were responsible for sending me to that place? Like you had no choice, but to pump me full of these drugs? Like I had no choice about being held down by goons in white uniforms and shot full of sedatives, while my friends stood around and watched?"
Silence stretched as Daniel squeezed his eyes shut and wrapped his arms around his body. Jack stared at his friend, feeling helpless.
Finally, Janet spoke, "You’re right. And I’m sorry. And you have every reason to hate me right now. But I won’t compound my mistake by further endangering your life. When all the drugs have cleared from your system and you health has stabilized, I’ll release you. And if you never want me to treat you again, I’ll understand. Dr. Warner can take care of you. But right now, you are my patient and you will remain in that bed."
The doctor turned and quickly walked away to her office, shutting the door behind her. Jack stood, trying to find something to say.
"Daniel..."
A hand rose from the bed in the classic Jackson-wait a minute- gesture- "Don’t... Jack. Don’t say anything. Right now... I can’t... I just can’t talk. Just, give me some space. Okay?"
"Yeah, sure, you betcha... I’m just going to say bye to Frasier, then I’ll head to my office. I bet I have a few dozen reports to read, or maybe write... If you need anything, you know where to call. Okay?"
"I’ll be fine."
Jack didn’t bother arguing the point. He just nodded and turned to follow Frasier into her office.
The doctor sat at her desk, slumped forward, holding her head. She quickly wiped her face with the back of her hand and the colonel walked in the room.
"Col. Has Dr. Jackson run away yet? Or are you here to add to his commentary on my medical decisions?"
"Come on Doc, Daniel is just being Daniel. He’s angry and scared and doesn’t feel good. He didn’t mean that stuff."
Janet shook her head, "Yes, he did. And he’s right. I failed him. Right now, he’s in the infirmary because of me. I broke his trust. The good news is that physically, he’ll be fine within the next few days, but... I don’t think he’ll ever trust me again."
"He will. He’s Daniel, the most forgiving person on the face of the earth. Plus, in case you missed the implication, you’re not the only one in the dog house at the moment. He’s pretty pissed at me too."
"Well, sir, that’s not really new is it?"
"Yeah, well, it wouldn’t be right if Daniel wasn’t at least irritated with me for something," admitted Jack.
Two days later, Daniel was cleared to be released from the infirmary. He was off all of the drugs and most of the side effects had disappeared. As soon as Frasier signed the paperwork, Daniel bolted for the door. Jack followed him.
"Hey! Daniel! Wait-up, let me give you a ride home."
"Don’t bother, Jack. I’ll get someone else."
"Right. Well, I’m doing it anyway, okay?"
Daniel shrugged and continued walking towards the elevators. Jack rolled his eyes and hurried after him.
On the 40 minute car ride to Daniel’s apartment, neither man spoke. Only when he pulled up in front of the building did Jack try talking to his friend.
"Daniel. You know I’m not good at this stuff, so I’ll say it quick. We screwed up. MacKenzie, Hammond, Frasier, Carter, Teal’c, and I, all screwed up and let you down. Big Time. And we’re all sorry. But that doesn’t fix it. And now, none of us can help you if you don’t let us in... you know that right?"
Throughout Jack’s speech, Daniel pulled his arms tighter around his chest, trembling slightly and shutting his eyes. He took a deep breath, before looking at the older man.
"I get it Jack. At least, my head gets it. Hell, I know you all made the same decision I would have made. In fact, I thought I was schizophrenic. But even knowing that, a part of me feels like someone stuck a label on me and shipped me off to be locked away and never heard from again... and no one would ever bother looking for me or even miss me... sometime, maybe I’ll be able to talk about it, but not now. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Sha’re, I’d be writing my resignation letter. But, I can’t and won’t, so let me figure this out on my own."
"Oh, Danny. You’re one of the strongest, best people I’ve ever met. And I would never ship you off and forget about you. And I know that if anyone can work this out, it’s you. But, if you find yourself ready to talk or rant, call me."
Daniel sighed, "I’ll try. I’m not used to having someone to call. But, I know I can count on you, Jack."
© July 2004 Stargate, SG-1, and all the characters don’t belong to me... I just like to taking them out to play occasionally. No money will be gained from this. It’s just for fan entertainment purposes.