The base was busy with activity. Daniel Jackson had to navigate around soldiers as he tried to get his boxes to the elevator. He heard a dim farewell from Sam Carter, who was heading for the labs with Teal'c. With no hands freed, Daniel just shouted back good bye. Turning his head back to bellow a reply, Daniel didn't see the soldier he bumped into. Face red, Daniel mumbled a reply and hurried to the elevator before it closed.
Daniel rode the elevator up to the surface where he had requested a ride to drop him off at his new apartment. He figured he should get a place of his own, close to driving distance near the Cheyenne Mountain Depot. He didn't want to stay on the base all the time and he figured his friend Colonel Jack O'Neill would be glad to have his guestroom free finally. Grabbing his stuff, Daniel decided it was a good a time as any to move into it. He had signed the lease already ever since he had returned from Abydos, but never had the opportunity to move in. Daniel didn't even know if the place had heat or electricity yet. As he crammed into the back of the military truck, apologizing as he bumped into almost every soldier who hitched a ride on it to get to town, Daniel wished Jack was coming.
Moments before, Daniel had stuck his head into Jack's bunkroom, wanting to invite Jack over his place. Daniel had a feeling Jack would be in a dark mood, brooding over Kawalsky's death. He figured that they could grieve for their mutual friend in the company of each other. The soldier who passed by told Daniel that he saw Jack put on his jacket and left. Disappointed, Daniel stuck a note on the door to let the colonel know that he was here and left.
'Probably wants to be alone right now.' Daniel had thought at the time. He knew Jack could get moody and if the colonel didn't feel like any company, well, Daniel wasn't going to bother him then. He wished Jack had asked him to come along wherever he was going. 'I would probably end up annoying him.' Daniel thought as the truck slowed to a stop near his place. Hopping off and shouldering the boxes once again, Daniel shouted his thanks to the driver and headed up to his apartment.
The lights worked, at least. That was what Daniel first thought as he looked at the place with a mix of dismay and disbelief. The apartment was supposed to be already furnished. His stuff from when he first left earth to stay at Abydos was confiscated when it was clear he wasn't coming back. Daniel had found most of it in storage at SGC. Furniture, he was told, was already provided for in his apartment. Relieved of one less chore to worry about, Daniel had signed the lease without any qualms.
'At least,' Daniel thought as he cautiously approached the huge dusty frame, 'there's a bed.' He gave it a pat and sneezed violently when the dust balls flew up at him. Daniel decided that he went on enough archeological digs that he could be comfortable sleeping on the floor for a few days. Then Daniel looked at the patchy carpet on the floor.
'Then again. Maybe not.'
It took several hours before Daniel got the place at least livable. He stripped away half of the carpet, at least around the bed, flipped the dusty side down, and cleaned the numerous shelves that lined the walls. The shelves were a nice bonus. Daniel placed his reference books, old journals and new ones, awards, photos and the occasional souvenir he picked during digs in the past onto the shelves. Stepping back, Daniel took a look around the already crammed shelves and felt like he was back in the days where he was working under academic grants.
Deciding that this was all could he could for now, Daniel decided to get something to eat and left.
The local grocery store was a walking distance away. Daniel went in to get something, at least stock up his refrigerator. He got some dry foods, avoiding the fresh stuff. God knows if he was going to be here long enough to finish them. The thought of coming back to the apartment with rancid food from being neglected for so long didn't appeal to Daniel.
As he paid for his groceries, he smiled at the clerk who was bagging them for him. He eyed the nametag, which said Janet and thanked her. For some reason, the girl blushed as he said her name. She gave him his change and receipt, pressing it into his palm with surprising pressure that made his hand automatically close over the paper. Puzzled, Daniel left the store, hearing the giggling behind him.
'I've been away from Earth for too long.' Daniel thought as he wondered if it was something he said. He hadn't been out of the base except for the times Jack drove him back to his place for some rest. He hadn't ventured far between the base and Jack's place. In fact, the apartment he leased was a deal done over the phone. The moment Daniel had left the base, he felt like he was stepping on to Abydos for the first time again. But instead of the awe he had felt on Abydos, he just felt very lost. Daniel can't really recall a time when he felt so uncomfortable since he first arrived at his foster parents' home after his parents died. Never sure what would happen if he did something wrong or say something wrong, so usually he didn't try.
Thinking back to the grocery store with the clerk, Daniel paused, stopping at the crosswalk of the street corner. As the light turned green, he stepped off the curb to cross. By chance, he unclenched the receipt that he was still clutching on with his hand. Glancing at the paper, he realized that some numbers was scrawled hastily on the receipt. Counting it, Daniel realized it was a sequence of seven numbers.
'Seven numbers like a Stargate address.' Daniel mused before it struck to him what seven numbers were also for.
Phone numbers. The clerk gave him her phone number.
Daniel's face turned red as he realized the girl had gave him her phone number and wondered if he should turn back to return it. 'What are you going to say? Sorry, but I am married to an alien woman right now and currently searching for her around the galaxy?' He would be fitted for a straitjacket too quickly.
Because of Daniel's surprise, he didn't realize that the light had turned red. And because of his surprise, Daniel didn't see the jeep that headed towards him. The driver honked at Daniel, as it seems that Daniel wasn't aware of the danger. Daniel looked up, saw the headlights and froze for a moment in shock. As the jeep skidded to a halt, Daniel yelped, stumbled back before the jeep screeched to a stop right where he was standing before. Losing his balance, Daniel fell hard onto the ground, his groceries stumbling out of the bag as his head smacked the ground hard.
Jack saw the note taped onto his bunkroom when he returned from Kawalsky's room. His arms full with his friend's personal effects, Jack just took the note off the door with his teeth as he nudged the door open with his hip. As he carefully placed the box on his bed, Jack took a look at the note. He grunted when he recognized the neat handwriting of Daniel Jackson. Reading it quickly, Jack poke his head through the door and bellowed to Sam, whom he saw just walk by his door.
"Carter!" Jack yelled to get her attention. Sam paused and turned around. Her delicate eyebrow went up in surprise.
"Colonel!" Sam hustled over to his door. "I thought you had gone for the day! Didn't General Hammond give you a 48 hour pass to finish up...things?" Sam paused, wondering if she should have kept her mouth shut. General Hammond, understanding that Kawalsky was a good friend of Jack's had allowed time off for the colonel to make final arrangements in sending the deceased soldier's things to family. Jack hadn't been too evident in his grief, although Sam knew he was probably just hiding it well. 'Then again' Sam thought, 'I don't know the colonel really too well'.
"Yeah." Jack was quiet for a moment. When he looked up, Sam caught a flash of what Jack was feeling right now before the colonel blinked. Then, it was gone. He shrugged as he continued. "Went to get his stuff. You know, making sure nothing I send back would be a national security risk."
Sam nodded in complete understanding. It was the risk everyone here understood. The military in a secret operation were always cautious. Especially after one of their own dies. She wondered if the time would ever need to come for her and someone would have to sort through her stuff before sending it back to her family.
"Daniel was looking for you, sir." Sam said, changing the subject so her mind wouldn't dwell on the what-ifs.
"Figured so." Jack waved his note at Sam. "Know when he left?"
"About six hours ago." Sam checked her watch to confirm. "Yeah, just around the time Teal'c and I were doing tests."
"Tests?" Jack didn't like the sound of that.
"On his English." Sam looked surprise that Jack didn't know this. "You know, to see if we need to help him with catching up with the language and develop some sort of Go'uald dictionary, too."
Jack relaxed. He didn't want to think that they were able to help Teal'c escape the clutches of Melbourne, only to be conducting the 'tests' themselves.
"He mentioned he was heading over to his new place." Sam mused. "He got a 48 hour pass to get it livable." Sam looked a bit envious. "Well, at least he's getting a break."
"Hey, you'll get yours when we get back." Jack patted her shoulder. He went back in, grabbed the box and nodded to Sam goodbye. The captain studied his departing back for a moment, a bit concerned. Then she shrugged and went back to check on Teal'c.
Jack drove into town on his jeep. As he entered the main road, his thoughts wandered back to a few days ago. The fight he saw in the embarkation room flashed before his eyes once more. Jack gripped his steering wheel tighter as he remembered the words he shouted to Teal'c on the microphone, asking him to hold Kawalsky there so he could shut the Stargate down. In doing so, Jack had killed his friend.
'No, I didn't.' Jack thought grimly as he recalled the words he had told Teal'c. 'My friend had died on the table.' Jack made a turn as he remembered. 'So why do I still feel like shit?' He shook his head in disgust. 'We knew the risks to this assignment. Hell, we've done this before.' Jack recalled how Kawalsky was telling him about how excited he was about his first command. 'You worked hard for it, my friend.' Jack sighed as he thought how unfair it was on how everything turned out. 'I was usually the one you had to pull out of the fire. If you hadn't stayed in Chulak, I probably would have been a slave for those serpent heads. Or worst, end up dead.' Jack shook his head again. He looked up and a shout erupted from his mouth when he saw the person in front of his jeep. Jack honked at the person furiously while pounding on the brakes. The person froze and as the jeep finally screeched to a halt right at the person, Jack could see the person fall back onto the ground.
'Shit, shit, shit!' Jack thought as he jumped out of the jeep and ran over to see if the person was okay. He skidded to a halt when he got there, his mouth dropped open.
Daniel blinked, his vision clearing a little. The stars in the sky had, for a moment, moved. He thought he was traveling through the Stargate again. Then he blinked and the stars stopped moving.
Now if his head would do the same, everything would be fine.
"God dammit, Jackson." A shaky voice yelled from over his head. Daniel winced at the thunder it created. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack? What the hell were you doing jaywalking in front of me?"
'Wait', Daniel thought. 'That voice sounds familiar.' The voice came closer and a face came to view in front of him. Then Daniel knew why.
"J-jack?" Daniel asked weakly, trying to sit up. He could hear people milling around them as people saw the accident.
"Yeah, it's me. Don't get up." A strong hand steadied his back as Jack tried to get him to lie down. "Where were you hit?"
"I slipped." Daniel managed to say, trying once more to get up.
"Slipped? Are you sure? I said, don't get up, Daniel!" Jack gave up and helped Daniel sit up. "Are you sure? Nothing feels broken?"
"Just my head." Daniel weakly joked, but saw Jack wasn't laughing.
"Come on." Jack helped him to his feet; "I'm taking you to the hospital." Jack guided him through the crowd to his jeep. Daniel was too dazed to protest or even ask Jack why he was here. He just sat there, with the surviving groceries plopped unceremoniously onto his lap and let Jack drive him to the hospital.
Jack got up on his feet when he saw Daniel staggered out of the emergency room. Daniel smiled wanly at his friend.
"Doctor said it wasn't a concussion." Daniel told him as he gingerly felt the bandage that was applied to the back of his skull. "Gave me some aspirin and told me to go home and rest." He looked anxiously at Jack, who hadn't said a word. "I'm okay, Jack."
"Come on." Jack just brusquely said, "I'm taking you home."
Home, this time, was Daniel's apartment. Jack flicked the lights on and grunted at the disaster.
"Nice place." Jack just said as he helped Daniel to the couch. Daniel was glad he just cleaned it before. He gingerly settled in and watched Jack going up and down the stairs, lugging the groceries they picked up along the way, up to his apartment.
"Thanks, Jack." Daniel said, motioning his friend to sit down. Jack stood there for a moment before taking a seat on the couch opposite of Daniel. The man looked at Daniel with dark eyes as he studied the injury.
"You sure you're okay?"
"Fine." Daniel nodded, then he winced. "I got a little headache, otherwise-"
Jack got up abruptly and went to the kitchen. Daniel stopped in mid-sentence as he wondered if he had said something wrong. Jack returned with a glass of water.
"Where's your aspirin?" Jack asked shortly.
Daniel silently handed his friend the bottle and watched Jack shook out two white pills. Jack watched Daniel swallowed the two pills obediently before sitting down again. The two men were then silent for a moment before Daniel decided to speak again.
"I tried looking for you before, Jack." Daniel shrugged. "Thought you had left already."
"Went to get Kawalsky's stuff." Jack said quietly, his shoulders relaxed a bit.
"Oh."
"Military gig." Jack grunted.
"What?"
"Military gig. Standard regulations that we go through his stuff to make sure nothing going back is-"
"Risk to security." Daniel finished softly, remembering what General Hammond had said about his stuff. "That's what the general said had happened when I hadn't returned to Earth with you guys on that very first mission. Only, they didn't have anyone to send my things to so they kept it in storage." Daniel shrugged; pretending it didn't bother him. "It didn't matter to me where they went. I thought I wasn't coming back." Daniel looked around his apartment at his familiar things. "But now, I'm kind of glad they kept everything. At least something seems familiar. At least, it could feel like I am returning home sometimes."
Jack didn't comment, but he studied Daniel with a frown. Daniel was looking at the pictures he had set on one of the shelves.
"I'm sorry about your friend, Jack." Daniel said quietly. Jack almost didn't hear it. The young man looked as if he wasn't sure he should have said it.
"I'm sorry, too." Jack admitted.
Turning his head, Daniel looked at Jack with a bit of surprise. "Oh."
"What do you mean oh?" Jack said.
Daniel shook his head. "Nothing. I just wasn't sure."
"Sure?"
"If that was what you wanted to hear." Daniel's voice sounded sad. "When my parents died, all people could say was that they were sorry. My foster parents said they were sorry, the lawyers who sent me away said they were sorry, the police said they were sorry when my foster parents-" Daniel stopped, silent again.
"I guess sorry is too small of a consolation." Jack mused sympathetically. "Each time I heard the word sorry, it felt like another knife to the back." Jack's eyes clouded for a moment. "Sara and I didn't get much comfort from the word sorry."
Daniel winced; realizing Jack was referring to his dead son Charlie.
"Death really sucks, you know." Jack said gruffly. "I could go for a beer."
Smiling, Daniel started to get up. "I think I saw you sneak a couple of those monsters in the groceries."
"Don't get up." Jack got up instead. "I'll get them." He returned moments later, with open can in the right hand and another in his left hand. He paused from giving it to Daniel.
"I think it would be okay, Jack." Daniel reassured his friend as he accepted the cold can of beer. Opening it, Daniel fumbled with it before taking a gulp. He made a face at the taste.
Jack smiled; remembering when he had took Daniel home from the first mission, that Daniel made the same face.
"Telling you, cheaper date than my wife ever was, Danny boy."
Daniel blinked at the nickname. Jack fidgeted as he realized what he said.
"Sorry, Daniel. It seemed like an appropriate nickname."
"No, it's all right." Daniel blinked at Jack. "I never had a nickname before."
"Too bad." Jack grinned, a bit relieved. "It would have been interesting to hear some."
"Did you have a nickname?" Daniel challenged.
"Yeah!" Jack smiled as he reminisced. "A lot of them weren't nice, though."
"Oh? Any nice ones, at least?"
"Section 8." Jack laughed out loud as he remembered.
"Section 8?"
"Yeah. That's the code for going loony bin." Jack chortled as he continued.
"Why were you called that?" Daniel asked curiously.
"Well Kawalsky-" Jack paused.
Daniel looked at him sympathetically, wishing he hadn't asked. He was about to apologize when Jack suddenly continued.
"Kawalsky gave me that name behind my back during one tour of duty when we were in the same team. He thought I was nuts because I was willing to volunteer for a suicide run."
"Suicide run?" Daniel gulped. He leaned forward, fascinated.
"Yeah." Jack grinned as he remembered. "It was the bartender on Fifth Street."
"What?" Daniel sputtered as he choked on his swallow of beer. Jack laughed even louder at that.
"She was the most unapproachable one out of all the bars. No one could get her number. Some got discouraged very quickly."
"How?" Daniel asked, not really sure if he should ask.
"She would kick them."
"Kick them."
"Right on the nu-"
"Okay! I get the picture." Daniel waved his hands in exasperation. Jack laughed again. His eyes seemed to have lightened with the memory. Daniel looked at Jack curiously. "So, did you get it?"
"Oh yeah." Jack grinned. He soon somber up as he took another sip.
"I never really knew Kawalsky." Daniel said softly, getting a responding grunt from Jack.
"He was easier to get to know than me. I wasn't really a people person." Jack commented, offering no explanation for what he just said.
"A lot of people thought the same thing about me." Daniel said sadly.
"What?"
"People person." Daniel took another sip of the beer. "A lot of people thought I was too strange."
"Imagine that." Jack drawled.
Daniel blinked, then realized that he was joking. "I wasn't really that talkative. I guess-" Daniel stared at the ceiling now. Jack stopped drinking his beer and studied Daniel for a moment, waiting for him to continue. "I was afraid."
Jack nodded, waiting for Daniel to continue.
"It seems like just when I can bring myself to make any attachments," Daniel said softly, his voice a bit sad. "They would leave."
Jack didn't say anything.
"So I just stopped trying." Daniel blinked; surprised that he even spoke it out loud. He didn't dare look at Jack, wondering if the man was turned off by this confession. 'No turning back', Daniel continued. "I just push them away. Everyone. Then Sh-sha'uri came to my life and then I thought that everything that had happened was okay. It didn't matter anymore because I had her." Daniel blinked furiously as he realized his eyes were beginning to tear. "And then she was gone. Sometimes, I wonder if I am a jinx or something." Daniel wearily rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.
"Daniel-"
"Sorry, Jack." Daniel gave a shaky laugh. "I was never a good drinker."
"I thought I killed Kawalsky." Jack suddenly said.
Daniel was startled out of his thoughts and he turned to look at Jack with wide eyes. "No, Jack. That's not true-"
"I know it wasn't true." Jack nodded grimly as he continued; "It just felt like it. God dammit, Danny. I ordered Teal'c to hold him there. I ordered the shutdown."
"But you knew that nothing could have been done otherwise, Jack."
"Yeah. But it didn't mean I would be okay about it." Jack grunted. "I knew that there was no way I could save him at that moment and I knew that he wanted to either wake up as himself or not at all. But it still didn't make me feel any better."
"Do you think, I'm going to have to make that choice soon with Sha'uri?" Daniel suddenly asked.
Jack could just kick himself. He said too much.
Daniel didn't say anything else. He looked away from Jack. Soon, his eyes caught a glimpse of a box that Jack had brought up.
"Did I leave one?" Daniel pointed to the box, wanting to change the subject. "I thought I got all my stuff from storage."
"Huh?" Jack looked at where Daniel was pointing. His eyes closed briefly as he shook his head. "No. That's Kawalsky's stuff. Sending it to his family in Virginia."
"Oh." Daniel was quiet. "Sorry."
Jack waved his hand to show it was okay. "Had to be done. Thought Kawalsky would feel better if I was doing it."
"I'm sure he appreciates it, Jack." Daniel took another careful sip. He looked up suddenly. "Would..Could you be the one?"
"Huh? Excuse me?"
Daniel looked very serious as he looked at Jack. "Could you be the one to do my stuff if anything happens to me?"
"Nothing is going to happen to you." Jack told him seriously.
"You can't know that, Jack."
"Well, I can make sure of it." Jack said, determined.
"Would you, though Jack?" Daniel asked anyway. "I don't have anyone to send it to, though."
"Your wife." Jack quietly reminded Daniel. "The one we're going to find. And we'll be sending her those boxes with you to her. Alive."
Daniel looked at his friend gratefully. "Thanks Jack."
"You know what you need for this place?" Jack said abruptly. "Fish."
"Fish?" Daniel echoed.
"Yeah. Gives a little color to the place." Jack motioned to the back of the apartment. "I mean, someone already left a tank here. Might as well put it to use."
"Colonel Jack O'Neill. My interior decorator." Daniel laughed. Suddenly he hiccuped. Jack grinned at the sight.
"Okay, Daniel. That's enough beer for you. Get some sleep." Jack yawned as he pulled Daniel up to his feet. "I think I'll crash on your lovely couch for tonight. I don't think I should be driving with this beer in my system."
"Sure, sure." Daniel agreed sleepily as he allowed Jack to help him to the bed. He settled in with a sigh and looked owlishly at Jack as the man made across to the couch. Daniel grinned as he watched Jack stumble over a loose part of the remaining carpet. "Jack? Thanks."
"Yeah, yeah." Jack waved a hand behind him. He settled himself on the couch, wincing as he saw the dust fly. He was surprised that Daniel wasn't sneezing from all this dust-
"Achoo!"
Jack grinned as he heard Daniel give a sleepy apology. He waited until he heard Daniel's breathing slowed to sleep before he turned around to check. His grin faded as he remembered what Daniel was asking him.
'I won't be doing any boxes for you, Daniel Jackson.' Jack thought as he settled back into the couch to sleep. 'I lost one friend to the Go'ualds. I sure as hell am not going to lose another.'
Jack knew that kind of promise was not a cemented one that whoever or whatever was controlling the strings up there might not agree. But Jack was confident that this friend would be around for a while. With that, Jack smiled and drifted away to sleep.
'Now about that fish...'
© 1998 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.