I've spent most of my life studying people and their cultures. Egyptians, Greeks, Mayans, Celts, doesn't really matter, I studied it all: languages, religion, philosophy, hobbies, and everything it included. But for the life of me, I swear, I can't understand Jack O'Neill. And until now, I never thought it was for lack of trying.
I know he's different than I am, hell, he's not like anyone else I ever knew. We hardly ever see eye to eye, and I'll admit it's frustrating and at times even infuriating. But oddly enough, it was Jack who told me that's the very reason why we are a team.
It was after our mission to P3X797, or what we've taken to call the Land of the Light, and the four of us, Jack, Sam, Teal'c and I were all hanging out at Jack's house. Unlike the few other times we'd gotten together on our downtimes, we were all strangely subdued. Jack was practically mellow, and I really doubt that it was the beer like he said. I mean I may not know him very well, but I know enough that it takes more than a couple of beers to leave Jack flat. Actually I know for a fact that even a jug of Skaara's moonshine can't do the trick. Anyway, we'd spent the evening drinking beer, eating pizza, and talking about practically everything except for the one thing on our minds. I was no exception, as I know I lead a rather in depth discussion on the preference of pizza toppings and never once brought up the events that had brought us here for a little down time.
After a while Sam decided to go home and offered Teal'c a ride back to the base. For some reason I decided to stick around, maybe in a vain hope that he'd confront me before I was forced to find the courage to do it myself. I had walked Sam and Teal'c out to the car, returning to find Jack out on his deck. He was sprawled out on a wooden deck chair, feet kicked up on the railing, a bottle of beer resting at his elbow. For a moment I thought maybe he was asleep; I had never seen the man so still except when sleeping.
"Castor."
Yes, I jumped. "Excuse me?" I asked.
Without looking at me he tossed a beer over his shoulder and only sheer luck had me close my fingers around the cold glass without it crashing and shattering in a thousand pieces at my feet. I sighed in relief and swear I saw Jack grin. "Pollux," he said, and as if sensing my confusion he raised a finger and pointed to the sky. "North Star, follow it down." His finger traced a line in the sky. "See the bright one?" I nodded. "The two tails kick out to the side?" He wiggled two fingers out to form a sideways 'V'. "That's Gemini."
"Castor and Pollux," I said finally catching on. "The twins."
He nodded and took a pull of his beer. "Have a seat." He waved his hand toward a matching chair. "Beautiful night."
"Yeah, it is," I whispered in agreement.
We sat there for a while, watching the sky, not talking, but for the first time in a while actually enjoying each other's proximity. That's why he surprised me when he spoke next.
"When we're out there...out exploring and defending it never really seems like we're OUT there, you know?"
I wasn't really sure that I did, but I said, "No, it doesn't."
"But Ray Bradbury wasn't all that far off."
I laughed. "Not where it counts," I agreed.
Again we found comfort in silence. Just when I felt the beer taking effect and I was drifting off to sleep he spoke.
"When I think of Skaara, and.''
I could feel the pause and I knew he wanted to say it, wanted my permission to say her name. "Shau're," I whispered huskily.
He nodded. ".Shau're. When I think of them out there, I know damn it humanity survives, Daniel. Through all that shit, it survives. We live, we die.we kill. And yet it goes on. They're not gone; we'll get 'em back. It took me awhile to realize it, but I think it's true." He sat up. "God that sounds hokey." We laughed. It was easier than admitting our hope.
"I'm going to go get another beer; you want?" he asked.
"No, this is fine."
He was only gone a few moments, and I swear I don't know what made me do it, but as he came back out I blurted, "Why do you keep me on your team?"
He never even paused, just walked straight to his chair and tipped the bottle to his lips, like he didn't even hear me. So I continued.
"I don't follow orders. I could've gotten Teal'c killed. I.I--."
"Don't overestimate yourself, Daniel. No offense, but anyone that could've taken Teal'c, could have done it with or without you backing him up."
"Exactly!" I crowed. "I'm not like you or Teal'c or even Sam, I can't-I'm a screw up."
"Daniel." That one word was said with the steely edge of authority that even a civilian with a motor mouth could recognize.
I stopped talking, or at least sound stopped coming out of my mouth.
"You are not a screw up." He set down his beer bottle and tore his eyes away from the stars to look at me. I mean really look, like he was studying me or something. His eyes sparkled in the yellow glow of the porch light and at that moment I felt like I was prey for some great jungle cat. "Jackson," he drawled out slow and quiet so I had to lean in to catch every word or risk losing what was sure to be the most important words he ever spoke to me, "if any of us were the same, one of us wouldn't be necessary. We are a team, Danny. Our parts make the whole. Individually well, you've seen me, but us," he waved his index finger back and forth between us, "you, me, Carter, Teal'c, we're better than that. We just need all our pieces." And then he leant back, and the spell was broken. Jack turned back into the sarcastic, military minded, rough edged man he pretended to be and I was left with a shaken, though not altogether unpleasant, view of my world. But as Jack bent over to pick up his near empty bottle, he winked at me and I caught a glimpse of the man that hid just beyond sight, and for the first time I was allowed a glimpse of the man he saw me to be. I honestly don't know which one startled me more.
I remember those words when I feel like bashing his militaristic mind in, and just play my part and let him play his, knowing all along that we're more unalike than I had previously thought. And that's a good thing, I think. Because our parts make a pretty damn good whole.
The End
© April 7, 2001 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.