The smoke had barely died down from fighting Heru'ur and his guards. It was quite the adrenaline kick to come out of a Stargate, find yourself in the middle of a Jaffa battle, and start shooting at targets that you barely realize are all around you. A heady rush, but not one I'd like to have too often.
Heru'ur vanquished for the moment, we assessed the damage. Teal'c had been shot in the arm, but thanks to the larval Goa'uld, he was healing before our very eyes. Across the temple, slowly sitting up on the ground, Daniel was in adaze from when he'd been clobbered by Heru'ur. He was going to have a nasty headache, if he didn't have one already.
The Colonel was demanding to know what had happened. Teal'c's offer that it was a lengthy tale didn't seem to satisfy him, as he helped our shaky archaeologist up. He was just telling me to get ready to dial home, when the Stargate lit up.
"What the hell?" Jack demanded. We'd just fought one Goa'uld, who'd left via transport rings. He couldn't have been back so soon, not with the dagger embedded in his ribbon device, and I was praying that it wasn't his Jaffa who would descend from above moments after we were occupied with those coming from the Stargate. No, I knew that wasn't going to work. It would have taken too much effort on Heru'ur's behalf to plan that.
Daniel had the answer, and there was something to his voice that reminded me of someone who'd been beaten, and was facing a second round. It was not a pleasant tone.
"Apophis..." he moaned.
"What?!" The question asked several things. How did Daniel know? What was this Goa'uld doing, coming to Abydos? It had to have been good -- very good -- to draw both Apophis and Heru'ur to this world, where Ra had been destroyed.
Teal'c was right. This was a lengthy tale, and getting longer by the moment.
Before the 'Gate's wormhole gushed out before reestablishing itself inside the naquadah circle, we split into two, searching for places to hide. I had my rifle ready to fire should we be discovered as I hid with the Colonel behind a large column. Not too far away, Teal'c and Daniel were obscured from the emerging Jaffa's view by a huge bushel of what might have been hay.
I could almost hear Jack's thoughts when Apophis appeared. "This certainly isn't a business call!" Instead of the golden serpent armor that we were familiar with from the many times we'd encountered our favorite Goa'uld in times past, he was wearing robes. A garish outfit that could have been pulled from the painted fresco of an Egyptian tomb. He was definitely not on the campaign trail, that's for sure.
"Quel Amaunet?" I didn't understand his question, but by his stance, and the way he searched the empty entrance of the temple, he was expecting something. What would he want here? I couldn't think of a reason. Hadn't Daniel told the people here to bury the Stargate for one Abydon year? Only those on this planet would know that it was uncovered. How would Apophis know?
The answer to our questions, and certainly the source of a thousand more, emerged moments later. A voice, with the faint distortion that a Goa'uld imposed on human speech, came from the entrance.
"I am here, my Pharaoh."
I could hear the Colonel's sharp intake of breath, and when I glanced at Daniel, I received no visible reaction. It was Sha're, or the persona of the Goa'uld who had control of her body. She approached her Goa'uld husband, completely unaware that we were there. I was holding my breath, praying that none of the Jaffa would get overtly curious about what else lay in the temple. It was a good thing that Heru'ur's Jaffa had been vaporized, too. That would have been an ugly thing for Apophis to find...
Now I could understand what they were saying, as the two Goa'uld continued speaking. Apophis was carefully looking her over, as though expecting to find something that wasn't there. "The child?"
I could just imagine what was going through the Colonel's mind; it had to be what was simultaneously through mine. Child? An Abydonian child? Or something... else? Another glance over at Daniel told me nothing, except I could see the tense way he held himself behind the bushel. The lengthy tale was getting lengthier still.
Sha're looked down. I know it wasn't her, but for the lack of a better name, I kept on referring to her by the host's name. Were those tears that were brimming in her eyes? I didn't know Goa'uld could cry. Or, rather, that they even would.
"Stolen," she replied, looking away from Apophis to the ground, "by your enemy, Heru'ur. Forgive me for failing you, my Pharaoh."
As the Colonel would say, "Whoa!" I could only imagine what Daniel's reaction had been to return home to find Sha're. A cold shiver enveloped me. Was all of Nagada gone? Who knew what had happened while we were away in Washington, first to get our medals, and then have two rather large surprises of our own dropped heavily upon us. Looked like Daniel's might have been right up there with ours.
Sha're's tears fell down her cheeks, and to all of our astonishment, Apophis reached out to wipe them gently away with his fingers. A Goa'uld capable of compassion? From what I'd known of the Goa'uld through the memories left to me by Jolinar, I'd assumed that the Goa'uld were just as cold and spiteful in their personal relationships as they were in dealing with their slaves and opponents. Apparently not, because the way Apophis touched her reminded me specifically of when I first met Daniel, and how loving he'd been to Sha're before she was abducted.
I wished they would leave. We couldn't act, and I had to wonder how long Daniel could stand watching the two of them together. Our most hated enemy and his wife. Daniel can be impulsive, but not usually to the point where he would endanger himself or the rest of us. This time, I really had to wonder.
And then I noticed something. Sha're's eyes had moved to a position not too far from where the Colonel and I were hiding. I glanced over, and to my astonishment, I realized that she was looking directly at Daniel. They had locked eyes. Neither moved or looked away for several moments, but I was waiting for the Goa'uld command that would soon have us in Jaffa custody. I held my gun tighter, ready to open fire at a moment's command.
It never came. Still touching Sha're's face, Apophis barked orders for the Jaffa to act. One reactivated the Stargate, while the others kept guard. Satisfied that they were soon to be on their way, Apophis turned his attention back to his weeping wife, completely oblivious to the fact that Sha're's real husband was only a few feet away, watching their every move with an expression I could not quite identify. Coldness? Anger? Maybe, but if anything, I knew what it wasn't. Resignation.
Before very long, they were on their way. Apophis held his hand out to Sha're. "Come my Queen," were his words as they started towards the open Stargate. Their steps were regal, but as they strode forward, Sha're looked back again at Daniel. Her eyes were wide, blinking a few times before she had to return her attention to where she was going. Moments later, they were through the Stargate, and the wormhole collapsed behind them.
The Colonel and I let out a collective sigh of relief when the strange departure was over. We came out of our hiding spot at the same moment as Teal'c and Daniel. To say that our archaeologist was looking unsteady was putting it rather lightly. I don't think I've seen him so bewildered or uncertain. He was staring at the silent Stargate, looking as though he were wondering if he should cry or stomp his feet in frustrated anger. When he first lost Sha're, he was trying to be stoic, I remember. This was... different. It was like the old wounds were reopened and left raw to the elements. I didn't envy him.
Reminding the Colonel that we still had a Goa'uld ship sitting over us, I entered the coordinates for Earth into the DHD, leaving my teammates where they were. I could hear Teal'c commenting on Sha're's behavior, at how she saw him but didn't reveal our position. Daniel didn't answer to my knowledge, and I was too busy putting my hand on the rosy quartz-like center of the DHD to open the Stargate.
Whatever else the Colonel and Teal'c might have said to Daniel was lost when I was the first to go through back to Earth It was a few moments back in the SGC before the three of them returned. First Teal'c, then the Colonel, then finally Daniel. General Hammond was looking surprised at the staggered return, seeing Teal'c in Jaffa armor, and Daniel's perpetually stunned expression.
"Colonel O'Neill?" the General asked as we descended the ramp. He had that look that I'd long come to associate as being exclusively worn at our arrivals home. Something between curiosity and not really wanting to know. "What happened?"
His answer was a lopsided and weary grin. "You know Abydos, sir. Always busy this time of year. We had to wait in line to leave through the Stargate."
The General's blue eyes moved warily from the Colonel to Daniel, and his expression grew very worried. "Doctor Jackson? What happened on Abydos?"
"Um," Daniel began, closing his eyes while rubbing his temples. He didn't get much further than that for a few moments. The aftershock of everything that had happened, plus the blow to the head, was catching up with him, and I wouldn't have been surprised if he were going to start to sway on his feet. Teal'c had positioned himself directly behind Daniel, ready to steady him without being asked. "Well, sir, I'll just summarize. We found my wife. I delivered her baby. Heru'ur came, Jack and Sam fought him off. Apophis came, left with Sha're, and we're home. Could we please continue in the debriefing? I think I'd better go to the infirmary..."
At that point, he did waver, and both the Colonel and Teal'c grasped his arms to help him stay upright. The General quickly gave them leave, adding that the debrief would be whenever Doctor Fraiser gave Daniel permission to leave.
I watched the guys leave, knowing that Daniel was in capable hands. I could only imagine what Janet's expression would be when our errant archaeologist was plunked down at his usual spot. I think he had the thickest medical folder of us all, with the rest of SG-1 following quickly behind. I just hoped that everything was all right with him. If I was right, he had enough to worry about emotionally with what must have happened with Sha're.
I took a step forward, taking advantage of the fact that the guys were headed to the infirmary so I could have the locker room to myself to change. Then something that was becoming alarmingly familiar happened. I was suddenly no longer in the Gateroom. I was viewing the world -- at the moment, an SGC cell -- still through my own eyes, but very consciously aware that someone else was in control.
Panic threatened to hold me, as I heard my own voice, distorted with the Goa'uld intonation of Jolinar's influence, speak to Daniel. He was standing on the other side of the cell, having come to see me reluctantly under the pretense of gathering intelligence about the Ashrak. I could hear Jolinar's thoughts at the same time in my mind.
'What would it take to convince him?' he asked me.
The answer was simple enough. As Daniel countered Jolinar's claim that he was useful before getting ready to leave, I told Jolinar what he needed to know. I believed him when he said he wasn't the Goa'uld as we knew them, and that yes, he was more useful alive than dead. Especially since he was inside me! And Daniel was just the person who would possibly believe him.
"I can give her back to you." As soon as Jolinar's words passed my lips, I knew it might not be as easy as I'd hoped. At the moment, and as far as all my friends and colleagues were concerned, the only "her" to take into consideration was me, and as Jolinar had said before, if we went through the Stargate, I would be able to return. That was, of course, something no one was willing to allow, and I knew why. We still had to try!
"I'm not talking about Samantha, Daniel," Jolinar told him, and I knew that this got Daniel's attention. I prayed that he wouldn't run. "I'm talking about Sha're. I know where she is."
There was no mistaking the look in his eye as he turned back to face us. Cautious hope, like I'd seen on Cimmeria when we first met the former Goa'uld host, or when there was that futile attempt to capture Apophis on the Nox homeworld. I knew what he was wondering, if Jolinar spoke the truth.
I hoped he did, and yet, I didn't know the answer.
I was snapped out of my flashback by General Hammond, who tapped my shoulder lightly in concern. "Captain Carter?"
It's not hard to tell that he's worried about all of us. Daniel and Teal'c's escapade on Abydos, the whole fiasco with that insistent reporter in D.C. who had been killed in front of Jack, and I wasn't really sure how much Dad had told the General about the latest development on the Carter front. Knowing my father, I was probably the only one outside of his doctors who knew about his cancer, and even then, I didn't know much. We were all having a bad day, as the Colonel had once put it quaintly. Of course, a bad day compounded by a billion, along with the five hours of airtime thanks to military transport.
"Just tired, sir," I tried to smile, and at his nod, hurried out of the Gateroom.
It's usually quiet when I'm showering and changing, thanks to the sometimes iffy fortune of being the only female member of SG-1. It's a little disorienting at times, since I feel like "one of the guys" most times, but there are times when the privacy is most welcome. Like now, thanks to those "Goa'uld flashbacks," as they were bluntly referred to by the Colonel as though they were the leftovers of hallucinogenic drugs I'd once taken. If only it were that simple.
My life had really grown complicated since I was host to Jolinar for that brief period of time. While I mostly felt like myself again, I still had moments when memories would suddenly and abruptly surface. Memories that weren't mine. The classic example in my mind was when Daniel became addicted to that damned sarcophagus, and I'd remembered that the Tok'ra didn't use the device in fear of losing their soul. I'd been drowsing, when I was hit by a daydream, or what I wanted to call a daydream. Then I'd shouted, "We don't use the sarcophagus!"
On the flashback scale from one to ten, that was about a six. A useful piece of information that had surfaced, like some piece of trivia I might have once studied years ago. Other times, there have been incidents that rate an eight, or a nine. Haven't had a ten yet. I don't think I want to have one of those. When I pass a seven, it's like a waking dream. I've had a few incidents when I was there, wherever that might have been in that case. Every sense is engaged, and as far as my brain is concerned, it did happen.
Just not to me, my mind added as an afterthought. Welcome to the mind of Sam Carter. Beware of speeding alien thoughts.
Not wanting to linger too long, I hurried in the shower, then made my way back to the locker room. I don't like taking my time, since the guys could be waiting to get in. If growing up with a brother taught me one thing about men, it was how much they hated waiting for the facilities. I grabbed clean clothes to change, and pulled them on distractedly. My mind was still on the little flashback, wondering just how Jolinar had known about Sha're's whereabouts. It was too bad that I hadn't known; I might have been able to give some kind of warning, and perhaps that way, Daniel and Sha're could still be together.
Tugging on my right boot, the lockers before me suddenly vanished, replaced by the irregular surface of a large cavernous room. Two people were before me, a man and woman that I knew, but had no names for. I could see others passing in the corridors that were connected to the chamber, but they heeded us no attention as they went on their way.
We were in some kind of briefing. My companions were looking at something on what appeared to be little computers, or at least what I would call computers. The script on it was completely foreign to me, though I'm sure that Daniel would have had a blast trying to figure it out. Despite my unfamiliarity, the meaning appeared in my mind, and I recognized the names of several Goa'uld System Lords within. Ra, Apophis, and so many more that it's only a matter of time until we hear about them.
The woman's eyes flashed, telling me that she was a Tok'ra. It was only a vague sense of assurance and familiarity that told me that they weren't Goa'uld. Even so, I found it unnerving, but I didn't get time to think about it as she spoke.
"We have received word from the operatives within Apophis' court," she told us. "They informed us that he is planning several campaigns."
"Against Heru'ur?" the male asked, his voice with the deep intonation of a Goa'uld, or Tok'ra. He didn't seem concerned with what he was suggesting. "Or is there another?"
"Partially," the woman responded. "A small percentage of his Jaffa are to continue in the conflict with Heru'ur. However, Apophis is amassing a great number of his Jaffa and those of his vassals. Particularly, one named Klorel."
"His son." It's me, or Jolinar, with that piece of information.
"Yes," she continued, with a nod in my direction. "Apophis is setting out to destroy an enemy, but it is unclear exactly who this enemy might be. To our knowledge, it is not a System Lord that we are aware of."
"Perhaps an advanced planet of humans?" the man asked, looking both interested and concerned at the possibility. He gave me a look that I wasn't sure how to interpret, but something hinted at a fact that only he and perhaps Jolinar were privy to. Whatever it was, Jolinar was too intent on the present conversation to think about anything else.
"We suspect that is the situation," the woman nodded. "There have apparently been a group of humans who are interfering in Apophis' demense, ever since he presented his new queen to the court."
"Then why have we not heard of this planet before?" was his immediate reply "We are aware of the Tollan and others, but they surely aren't the ones who are defying Apophis directly?"
The woman gave the closest version of a shrug I think a Goa'uld or Tok'ra could give. "Our operatives referred to them only as the 'First World,' as though they believe that these are those who defied Ra millennia ago. I do not know why."
"It's pointless to discuss who these people are until we have more information," Jolinar interrupted. "What other news is there from Apophis' court?"
"A strange item." The woman's brow furrowed, completely puzzled with what she was about to say. "Apophis has sent his Queen away, to Abydos. It is the homeworld of her host, I am told, which is strange to be certain."
The man tilted his head slightly to the side. "I do not understand why. What reason would he have to return her there?"
"Very few are privy to the news within his own court," the woman continued. "Our operative was luckily deemed trustworthy. The Queen is with child. Apophis' child."
The thoughts racing through my mind, and originally through Jolinar's, told me that this was all but impossible. The symbiote slowed things down in the body, to prevent the body from ageing as quickly, and that process was extended in the Goa'uld by the use of a sarcophagus. A symbiote could heal things quicker, and kept the body in balance. I knew that from the tests Janet had been running on Teal'c for the last year. How would the overtly aggressive and active immune system deal with something like the growth of a child within a host's body?
And the scientific aspect aside, I had my answer. The child Apophis had spoken about in the temple, he was referring to a baby that was his. Not just his, it belonged to Sha're. Holy Hannah, I thought, realizing just why Daniel had appeared so... out of it when we arrived. Other than the blow to the head, that was. I would have been sick to my stomach, myself, if I had been in his shoes.
Worst of all, I could have done something, and things might have been different...
I was snapped out of the flashback again, by a snap directly in front of my face. I reacted by reaching to grab whatever it was to defend myself, but I heard a loud voice speaking to me that stopped me in mid-motion.
"Hey, Carter! Snap out of it! It's me, Jack O'Neill." I blinked to see his craggy face a short but safe distance away from my own. My hands, after releasing the boot I'd been holding on the floor with a loud thud as it landed, were gripped in his, as he tried to bring me back to reality. "Come on, Earth to Carter...?"
I blinked and gave a quirky smile. "I'm here, I'm all right."
"Right, and I'm the tooth fairy." Letting go of my hands, he plunked down on the bench next to me. He reached to hand me the fallen footwear while he continued. "Didn't expect to find you here. It's been half an hour since we left you in the Gateroom."
"Oh," I muttered, finding myself flushing in embarrasment as I hurriedly slid the boot on. "How's Daniel doing?"
He gave a wry grin. "Just a little knocked up. Fraiser wants to keep him under observation for a couple of hours before she turns him loose. She doesn't think it's anything serious, but better be safe than sorry."
"That's good." I paused before saying anything else. I didn't want to admit that I knew why Sha're was on Abydos, since it would give away I was having another flashback. I didn't like admitting it too often, since I didn't want to draw more attention to myself over the whole situation than necessary. If I received something useful, that was another story, but this time, I wondered if it were best kept to myself. No harm in asking what he knew, however. "Did you find out what happened while we were gone to Washington?"
"Oh, I think I have a fair idea what went on. Teal'c told me most of it," he said, the smile slowly fading from his face. What appeared was something I recognized from other times we'd dealt with the Goa'uld. A look of disgust and hatred for the aliens that had ruined our friend's life, and stolen a boy the Colonel viewed as a son. "Daniel understandably doesn't want to talk just yet, and I think his head hurt too much, anyway. Fraiser sent him down to get some rest."
I pretended to look like I had no clue what he was going to say, but I could agree with his words. "He's still shell-shocked."
"You think?" His words didn't have the same sarcasm. "Apophis had some bright plan that he wanted a new host. He decided to get Sha're pregnant, and shipped her off to Abydos so no one else would notice. Daniel and Teal'c made their entrance just a few hours before Heru'ur arrived, found Sha're and tried to bring her back. Goa'uld made a comeback, she gave birth, and they hid the baby. Somewhere in there, we appeared on the scene."
"Oh." That was worse than anything I could have thought, and the Tok'ra themselves probably didn't have a clue about what had happened. "Poor Daniel. That's not the homecoming he was expecting."
"No, definitely not." He shook his head, then gave a yawn. "Anyway, it's been a way too long day. I'm going to hit the showers, then call it a day. Hammond stopped by during our chat, and we've all agreed to debrief in the morning, probably around nine hundred."
"I'll be ready." I hadn't been planning on going home tonight. Too many things there that reminded me of my father, I suppose, and there were a dozen unfinished things around the base that I could work on. I'd rather be busy than involved in profound thoughts. It was just that kind of day.
I gathered my stuff, shoving most of it in my locker to deal with later. I thought that the Colonel was getting his own stuff ready to change later, but when I spared a look at him before shutting the locker door, I saw that he was just standing there, looking at me.
"Sir?"
"Are you all right?" He paused, as though searching for the words that he wanted that would show the concern he had for me, both as my commanding officer and friend. "I mean, you didn't react when I came in and talked to you for a few minutes. You were in your own little world."
The planet Jolinar, actually. "I'm fine, sir. Like you said, it's been a long day."
He shrugged, though I'm not sure if he bought the excuse, then waved me out of the room so he could get changed. I could hear him muttering, but couldn't make out his words. I hurried out, heading to grab a quick meal in the mess hall before retreating to my office to try a little work. If all went well, I was planning to stay there for a few hours until I was tired, then head to the barracks for a few hours' sleep.
Progress was slow, thanks to straying thoughts about the day's many events. Images of Daniel, Sha're, my father, the Tok'ra, and the two Goa'uld flashed before me, derailing my train of thought before I could get anything conceret done. Not matter what I tried to push them back, they came more forcefully than before.
I finally gave up my work, deciding to fetch something warm to drink before going to give it another go. A hot coffee was in order, and I suspected that I couldn't stop a few doors down to raid Daniel's pot. The last place I expected him to be was in his office, not after today's events.
I should have known better. Walking past his closed door, I noticed light seeping out underneath. With a frown, I rapped gently, waiting for the sound of his voice before entering. When it finally came, I slipped inside, wondering what I would find.
He was slouched forward in his chair, reading something in front of him while taking notes. He didn't bother looking up as I came in, instead staring intently at the text. He looked tired, but by the half empty pot of coffee on my right, I had the feeling that his head wouldn't be hitting any pillows tonight, unless we forced him to go to bed. Fraiser would have a fit if she knew what he was doing.
"Getting work done?" I asked, trying to put on a friendly smile. At the sound of my voice, Daniel's head shot up. His blue eyes were wide behind his glasses, blinking a few times as though realizing that I was here.
"Sam?" His voice was genuinely surprised as he gave a slight smile. "Oh, sorry... I thought you were Jack, otherwise I would have said something earlier after you came in?"
"It's okay." I took a few steps into the room, wondering what I should say next. His office wasn't messier than it usually was, though I'd be more inclined to actually qualify the arrangement as "disorderly order," since Daniel always seemed to know where everything was. "I wasn't expecting to find you here. I'd have thought Fraiser would give you orders to get a good night's rest."
He immediately looked away. "She did give me those orders."
Now that wasn't a surprise. When Daniel lost Sha're the first time, he'd tried to keep functioning without sleep as long as possible with his old fall-back of coffee before I chased him off to bed, not that he actually got any sleep. His plan had been that he'd eventually collapse into a dreamless sleep, and obviously, that was the case now. The only difference is that then, he was in perfect health. Now, thanks to the blow to the head, he was looking drawn and paler than usual.
"Daniel, you should try to get some rest," I said, grabbing a spare chair to wheel around so I could face him. "You're not going to do anyone any good if you're, well, exhausted."
"No kidding." Still not looking at me, he leaned back and lifted his glasses so he could rub the bridge of his nose. "I tried sleeping, but..."
It was almost a direct repetition of what it was like before. I tried to be as sympathetic as possible. "You were dreaming about Sha're."
He gave a faint laugh. "Yeah. It's insane, Sam. I feel like I did when I first saw her as Apophis' queen. This whole year, it's as if it never happened. I'm back to square one, and no closer to getting her back."
"But you did get to see her, as herself?" I asked.
His eyes quickly lifted to glance at me, then he looked away again. "For a while, until Amaunet took over again when the baby was born."
"Amaunet? That's the Goa'uld inside her?" I received a nod for my question. The question of identity put aside, I wasn't sure what to say next. Everything I thought of was lame, not that our conversation so far didn't fall under that category. I didn't really have the heart to make him think of what he'd just lost, again. Anymore than he already was, that is.
Daniel saved me from saying anything else. A yawn escaped his lips, probably to his surprise and frustration. He grimaced, then shook his head in determination. He wasn't going to give in without a fight, that much I knew.
"Anyway, Sam, as much as I appreciate you checking up on me, I'm really not in the mood for company." He got up to refill his mug, deliberately not looking at me again. "I've got work that needs to get done, and --"
"Janet's going to have my head if she finds you're not resting," I pointed out. "Not just mine, but probably the Colonel's, too."
"I will! I will -- eventually -- be going to get some more sleep. After the briefing, maybe, but right now..." He shook his head as he poured, and I noticed that his hands were trembling. "Would you mind? Please?"
No matter what he said, I didn't want to go. It was partially that I didn't want to leave him, and partially that I had a sudden urge to tell him what I'd seen. Better him than the Colonel, I'm sure, because if I ever told the latter, I'd be down in the infirmary faster than I could count to ten in Goa'uld, and I was sure I'd soon know that bit of information.
"He who increases knowledge, increases sorrow." I can't remember when my mother first used that expression when I was a kid, but it seemed to apply now. I knew what I might have been able to help had this knowledge come to me, and it was definitely increasing my sorrow. I think I also needed to hear from someone that it wasn't important. It was an odd responsibility, by blaming myself for something that I should have known, but didn't realize that I did.
"Daniel, I need to tell you something." As I spoke, there was something in my voice that I wasn't sure about, but whatever it was, it got his attention. He turned, back to the coffee pot as he looked down at me with a look that looked like patient resignation. He was just waiting for me to say whatever it was so he could get back to his sulking.
"What?" he prompted, his voice also carrying a bit of irritation. This was definitely unlike our usual Daniel, but then again, it wasn't every day that he was torn away from a reunion with his wife.
There was a moment's hesitation as I tried to find the right words to say. Usually I'm sure of what I'm saying, but this was an unquestionable exception. "I had another flashback."
The words weren't past my lips when Daniel suddenly moved from his spot back to the desk. He grabbed his chair to move it next to mine. All traces of his irritation were gone as he looked at me with geniune concern. Of everyone I knew, Daniel was the most in debt to my flashbacks, and he knew it, even freely acknowledging it. That, and he just cared so much for his friends that his own misery was usually forgotten in the background when one of us had a problem.
"Are you all right?" he asked, settling in his seat to give me a pointed look. "When did you have it?"
"A few hours ago, and I'm fine." I smiled at his concern, but it slowly faded as I prepared to tell him exactly what it was about. Daniel noticed the expression, and he frowned, waiting for me to continue. "Remember back when Jolinar was still alive, and you came to see me in the brig? Remember what he told you?"
Daniel nodded. "That he could give Sha're back to me."
"Right. Daniel, he was telling the truth. He knew about Abydos, and why Sha're was sent there." I searched his face for a reaction, but he seemed to be frozen on the frown. "I'm sorry that I didn't know earlier. If I'd had the flashback before, maybe I could have warned you about what you'd find when you went back home..."
I waited for a reply, wanting to know what he would say. He watched me carefully, his expression neutral other than the frown, then he shook his head.
"Sam, what could you have changed if you'd been able to tell me that?" he asked. "Do you think Hammond would have let me go home if he knew that a potential Goa'uld trap was waiting for me there?"
That question was easy to answer. The General would have refused to let Daniel return, that was all. No questions, no arguments. "No, he wouldn't."
"Right." Daniel reached out to grasp my hand, a small smile hestitantly appearing on his lips. As minor an attempt as it was, since a full smile could make his face positively beam, it seemed to chase away the sad shadows that wanted to linger in his eyes far too often. "So you don't have anything to apologize about. If we'd known about her, I would be stuck here, the 'Gate on Abydos would be sealed by my own order, Sha're's child would be in the hands of either Apophis and Heru'ur, and who knows? Maybe all of Nagada would have been wiped out by their fighting."
"And you wouldn't have seen Sha're again," I added.
My answer surprised him, and he paused for a moment before replying. "That's right. I wouldn't have seen Sha're again. So, thank you. Your memory mustn't have been too important, so don't dwell on it."
"It's just difficult, with all these thoughts in my head that aren't mine," I confessed. "They sometimes have a will of their own, coming out when they want to, when I'm least expecting it or wanting it to arrive."
His smile took on an added dimension of sadness. "Welcome to what it's like for most of us, Sam."
I watched him for a few moments, feeling his grip tightening slightly on my hands. What memories did he have that came unbidden? Sha're and his parents, I knew. What else existed to torment his mind when he was trying to sleep? Did I want to know? Perhaps, as his friend, but I wouldn't pry. If he wanted to tell me, I would listen.
"Anyway," he continued, letting go of my hands to get out of his chair to stretch. He took a few paces, then looked back at me. "Are you going to be okay? I'm here if you need somebody to talk to."
I gave him a reassuring smile. "I'll be okay, I just needed to share that one with someone. And remember, the door swings both ways. I'm here for you, too."
He gave a shy nod, the kind he gives when we touch something inside of him that I think was neglected when he was growing up. "Thanks, Sam."
"No problem." I glanced at my watch, seeing that it was nearing three hundred hours. I didn't think it had been that late when I'd left my work. "Come on, Daniel, we've got six hours before the debriefing, so we've got some time to catch a little shut-eye before then. If the Colonel comes in here and finds you still awake, I think he's going to be fit to be tied."
"Oh, probably more than fit to be tied." Daniel gave a laugh. "Between him and Janet, I think they're ready to tie me to a bed if that's the only way for me to get some rest. I'd follow you to the bunkrooms, but..." He waved his hand in the general direction of the coffee pot with a laugh. "I'm kind of wired right now."
"Poor boy," I smirked.
He gave a shrug as he headed back to whatever it was he was working on. "I'll see you at the debrief, okay? I'll get some rest soon, I promise."
"Well, if you promise..." I watched him settle down, looking a little more calm than he had earlier. He glanced up at me once, his blue eyes peering over his glasses and through the light brown veil of his bangs, as though questioning why I was still in the extra chair. "Daniel, you're going to be okay?"
"Yeah." His smile was brighter than before. "I will be, thanks to you guys."
Knowledge is what I've always quested for in my life, and ever since we
opened the Stargate, my thirst for what might lie out there has been barely
quenched. It might be true, as my mother's saying might say, that this
knowledge might bring sorrow upon us as the price we pay, but at least I
know that the sorrow won't be borne alone. As long as I continue to have
the three friends -- brothers, really -- who are my teammates, it'll be
bearable.
© August 2, 1999 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.