Exhausted, Daniel wrapped his arms around his pillow and closed his eyes. Just as he was about to surrender to the healing powers of sleep, Hathor's leering face appeared, jerking him awake. His body trembled anew, remembering what it had contributed too. What had been done to him. What he had almost become - pharaoh to a Goa'uld queen.
Realizing that even if he did finally manage to fall asleep, it would be fraught with nightmares, he threw back the covers and rose. Pulling off pajamas soaked with the sweat of his memories, he stepped into the shower. Lukewarm water ran down his body reviving tired muscles. Touched by beads of water, Hathor's face formed on the misty wall. Disgusted by his lack of mental control, Daniel thrust his head into the rushing water. Tiny drops of the needle sharp liquid stabbed his flesh driving the weariness from his body. He knew from experience it was only a temporary solution. He would have to sleep sometime - just not now.
Absently slipping on a clean black turtleneck and his fatigue pants and jacket, Daniel retrieved his car keys. Instead of wasting his time brooding about what had happened, he might as well return to the base and continue the research he'd been conducting since their visit to Thor's world. Smothering a yawn, he pulled into a Dunken Donuts and ordered the largest cup of coffee they sold. He knew he should get a muffin or a roll as well, but the very thought of food turned his stomach. How long, he wondered, could the human body subsist on a coffee diet?
Back on the road, he carefully sipped the hot beverage. The caffeine shot along his nerves giving him a false sense of alertness. Though he fought the memories, vague snatches of the time he'd spent with Hathor assaulted him. His face burned, first with anger, then shame. He'd betrayed Sha're. Would she ever forgive him?
Showing his pass to the guard at the gate, Daniel continued to mentally berate himself as he pulled into the first vacant parking spot. At this time of the morning, the lot was half empty. The coffee cup in one hand and his pass in the other, he slowly made his way through the next three checkpoints. One of the guards, obviously new to the facility, insisted on checking the contents of his cup. He seemed disappointed when he discovered that it really was coffee.
As he entered the control room, Daniel's gaze rested on the Stargate. It was the basis for his unhappiness. If he hadn't unblocked the gate on Abydos, he'd still be living contentedly in Sha're's loving arms.
No SG teams were due back, so except for the guards the area was deserted. The lone technician on duty was in the Stargate room testing relays. Daniel didn't bother to raise the dim lights as he made his way to the computer in the corner. He'd rather be alone. He shuddered as he realized how close Hathor had come to enslaving, not only this complex, but the entire planet. He'd been party to creating the parasitic monsters who had taken Sha're away from him. How could he have let it happen? Why didn't he stop her?
Bathed in the glow of the computer terminal, Daniel stared sightlessly at the logon screen. His fingers were poised over the keyboard waiting for the order to start typing. A woman's face danced before his eyes. The features were blurring as they depended on a memory that was slowly fading. A gasp of despair formed around her name - Sha're.
As he pulled into the parking lot to the Cheyenne Mountain Complex, Jack was surprised to see Daniel Jackson's car. Wondering what could've brought the archeologist in at such an early hour, he slowly made his way through the numerous checkpoints. While he was curious about Jackson's presence, he was reluctant to face the younger man.
His stomach twisted into a painful knot as he remembered how close he'd come to becoming a human kangaroo. Sometimes, it almost felt like he still had the pouch. His flesh twitched as he relived the moment in the whirlpool when larvae swam around him as they searched for the opening in his stomach. Larvae with Daniel's DNA. Even as his brain reminded him that Daniel had been an unwilling participant, his heart argued that his friend should've fought harder against the intoxicating drug. Guilt filled him as he realized that he had been as easily controlled as the civilian, and he had Special Forces Training.
Jack hadn't consciously realized that he'd been looking for Daniel, until he entered the dimly lit control room and found the scientist drooped over a keyboard. The glow from the terminal washed the pale face with an eery blue light.
Laying a hand on a slumped shoulder, Jack asked, "Are you all right, Daniel?"
"Fine," Daniel whispered, his eyes remaining glued to the blank screen.
"You don't look fine," Jack said, reaching over and turning the computer off. "When's the last time you slept? Before Hathor's little visit I'll wager."
The corners of his lips lifting into a weak smile, Daniel shook his head, "No bet."
Sitting on the edge of the desk, Jack looked down at the dejected features, "Daniel, it wasn't your fault. Whatever Hathor drugged us with, it was pretty potent stuff."
"Jack, I betrayed Sha're." The words were barely loud enough to be heard.
O'Neill frowned, a cornucopia of emotions left him in a state of confusion. The confession surprised him. He'd expected Daniel to feel guilty about almost infesting the planet with infant goa'uld. He was even prepared to deal with the aftermath of what was virtually a rape. Guilt concerning Sha're hadn't factored into his hypothesis. Jack shook his head, amazed once more by the man sitting in front of him. "How did you betray Sha're?"
"You're kidding, right?"
"Do I look like I'm kidding?"
"I went to bed with Hathor," Daniel reminded him, staggering to his feet. "I fathered her children . . ."
"I wouldn't call those things children," Jack interrupted.
His voice dropping in despair, Daniel moaned, "How can Sha're ever forgive me?"
The mere mention of the larvae goa'uld made Jack feel ill. Swallowing the bile that rose in his throat, he stood. Putting a hand on the agitated man's shoulder, he said, "Daniel, Hathor drugged you, then she raped you. You're not to blame for what happened."
Capturing O'Neill's eyes with his own, Daniel corrected, "You blame me."
"At first," Jack reluctantly admitted. "You know how I hate those," his face screwed up in disgust, "things. But remember, I sat passively by and let her make me into her first Jaffa. All things considered, I'd rather have been a pharaoh."
"No, you wouldn't," Daniel quickly returned, bowing his head. "I felt so helpless. I even remember tying to stop her once, but all she did was breath more of the drug into me."
Biting his lip, Jack offered, "Carter said that when she found you afterwards, you were in shock. Does that sound like a willing participant?"
Blue eyes glowed with hope, "Do you think Sha're will understand?"
"Daniel," though he hated to dredge up painful memories, Jack knew he had to, to give his friend some peace of mind, "Sha're isn't exactly being celibate herself."
"She can't help it," Daniel quickly defended his wife. "It's that goa'uld inside her."
"So she's being influenced by something outside her control?"
"Yes."
"Just as you were?"
A half-smile of defeat curved Daniel's lips, "Yes."
"Hey guys, what're you doing here so early?"
Jack turned to see Samantha Carter enter the control room. Unwilling to disclose the personal nature of their conversation, he countered, "What're you doing here so early?"
Shifting nervously, Carter revealed, "I thought I'd get a start on that report for General Hammond."
"What report?" Jack asked, his gaze resting on Daniel, who shrugged.
"The one concerning the soil samples we took on P3C929."
A frown creasing his brow, Daniel said, "I thought you finished that report."
"I did," Sam reluctantly conceded.
"Why have you come in so early to work on a report that's already done?"
"Alright," Sam almost shouted, "I'm here because I couldn't sleep."
Jack and Daniel exchanged puzzled glances.
Leaning against the computer table, Jack inquired, "Why couldn't you sleep? For crying out loud, you saved this base. Probably the whole planet."
"I struck a senior officer," Carter reminded him. "That's a court-martial offense."
"You received a commendation for it," Daniel comforted, as Sam winced. Looking to Jack for confirmation, he continued, "Not even the military gives a medal and the ax for the same performance."
Sam's gaze shifted to O'Neill, "Colonel, do you think the brass considered the circumstances warranted my actions?'
"I'm sure they did," Jack soothed. His voice dropping to command mode, he counseled, "Just don't make a habit of it. Captain."
"No, Sir," Sam smiled with relief.
A yawn threatened to dislocate Daniel's jaw, "Now what do we do?"
"We make a big pot of coffee," Jack said, noticing the empty styrofoam cup next to the computer terminal. When Sam yawned, he amended, "make that two."
© 2000 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.