Jack and Captain Doctor Carter were busy seeing that our guests were taken care of. All of them, both the humans and the... Jaffa? Yes, that's what the man called himself. Teal'c. A Jaffa. One of those who took Sha're from me.
Oh, God... What am I going to do? I'd seen Sha're again. Twice. But it hadn't been Sha're. My wife never would have looked at me like that. Not once had I ever seen anything like that superior sneer cross her beautiful features the entire time I'd known her. It wasn't Sha're, and I feared that she was gone forever. Another part of me stubbornly clung to hope, that maybe... just maybe... something of the host survives. I just had to find her. The thoughts plagued me as I walked, nearly catatonic, through the halls of the newly anointed Stargate Command. I managed to avoid running into anyone, but nothing really entered the veil of despair that was shrouding my entire life.
"She's out there somewhere, Jack."
"I know. So's Skaara."
"So what do we do?"
"We find 'em."
Everything was too new. I prided myself on being able to catch onto things quickly, but everything that had happened in the last two days was quickly overwhelming my brain. The Goa'uld and Apophis. Worlds enslaved the way Abydos had once been. My wife as one of the enemy. My head still hurt from when I was slammed into the wall. Apophis had used a device just like the one once Ra utilized when he tried to kill me. Jack had taken to calling it a "ribbon device," based on how it wrapped around the hand and wrist like a ribbon. I had no idea what I'd call it, when I got around to writing that report that General Hammond wanted me, as a member of SG-1, to write.
I wasn't even sure what I was going to say about the rest of it. "We came. We saw. We got the hell out of there," Jack had joked to me. I didn't find it too funny. "Short, sweet and to the point, Daniel. That's the best we can hope to do."
Our first mission as SG-1 was a moderate success. In the matter of intelligence, we came back with a whole lot more than we did before. Teal'c would be a valuable asset to that, should anyone other than Jack decide to trust him. At the time, I wasn't sure if I even trusted him. After all, he had one of those creatures inside him. The same kind of creature that had stolen Sha're away from me.
Time would tell. We'd know if Teal'c meant his pledge to Hammond, just as we'd find out whether or not his words in the prison about Sha're were true. I refused to believe them, and it was the cornerstone of my hope.
_Something_ of the host survives.
It had to.
The essence of my Sha're cannot be dead.
We'd returned from Chulak close to four hours before, and the time had been spent with the refugees. Teal'c had been escorted... somewhere. Truth be told, I had no idea. I didn't really care. My mind was filled with images of Sha're, and they only intensified as I helped with the refugees. There were some, particularly the women, who reminded me of her. Finally, I couldn't stand it and left. Jack didn't bother going after me. It was interesting, though, while I was there. Not only was Ancient Egyptian being used by the Goa'uld, but a ton of other languages that were common in the same era were still in use. Some I knew, others I didn't. I'd promised myself that the first chance I got to expand my new library, I'd be adding a _lot_ of dictionaries. The pity was that some of the languages were likely from centuries before writing was introduced to the region in question.
A linguist's dream.
Is it right? It was pretty clear that we'd be going out there, to whichever new world happened to be selected. Carter's program using the vili tao an's information had a few coordinates adjusted and ready for traveling. We'd get to be explorers, to use that cliched line from 'Star Trek' about strange news worlds and the whole nine yards. I'm off playing Aidan the monk, and Sha're's out there at the hands of the Goa'uld. I'm having the time of my life, when my wife is... I'd say she was suffering, but it wasn't likely to be seen on her face, because of that creature.
Jack promised that we'd find her. When? How? As part of SG-1, sure. We defeated Ra. We escaped from death with Teal'c's help. But how will we find my wife? It's a huge universe. All those Stargate addresses I'd seen during my exploration of the cartouche, they numbered in the hundreds. Captain-Doctor Carter's program might have been working, but that would only be once or twice a week that a new one would be computed. What were the chances that we'd succeed? I wasn't going to even contemplate that. We _were_ going to find her. When? Soon. I hoped. I would just have to keep on looking, and in the meantime, focus all my energy into finding her.
The question of the day, however, was a little more pertinent. How was I going to live without her?
"Daniel?" A hand on my arm brought me back to reality, a familiar voice. It was Kawalsky, looking a little pained as he looked at me in concern.
"Hey, you okay?"
I gave a numb nod. My expression must have been fairly pitiful.
He patted my shoulder. "Yeah, I know. It's tough... Can't say I know how you feel, but we'll find her. The Colonel's right. He's a man of his word, remember that. He promises you something, he'll make sure you get it, even if he has to go to the moon to get it."
"I know." I believed Jack when he told me that. I don't know why, but I did. It must have been the same quality that made that Jaffa decide to save our lives in the dungeon. The way Jack could be so certain even when the odds weren't really in his favor.
Giving my shoulder a final squeeze, Kawalsky dropped his hand. "Hey, look... I know you're probably not up to any work... but the Colonel needs your help."
I grasped onto his words like a drowning man to a raft. Work, something to do in the meantime instead of thinking about what I'd just lost. I was almost ready to do anything, too, to prove to Hammond and the rest of the military that I was willing to do anything to stay with Jack and SG-1. Short of selling my soul, but pretty damn close.
"Sure, what's that?" I smiled, trying not to appear too eager for distraction.
"Ah, you'll love it. More translation work. We gotta debrief Teal'c for the General, and Jack figured you'd be able to get things across better." He grinned at me. "I can't think of anybody better for the job." There's no easier way to embarrass me than to complement me when I least expect it. I felt my face flare up, probably to Kowalsky's great amusement. As much as Kawalsky, Ferretti and even Jack supported me now, it wasn't hard to remember that a year ago, I was definitely up there on their least favorite people list. Sometimes I forget where or when I am, and get a little disoriented.
This time, I murmured a quiet thanks before heading for the briefing room. I didn't need anyone to show me the way as I did the last time, and made it there a few minutes later, just as Hammond was leaving his office for the larger room.
"Doctor Jackson," he smiled in greeting.
I returned it with a nod. "General."
Jack was already seated at the large table, sitting next to the Jaffa. It was the first time I'd seen him since he'd been escorted away, and now he seemed a lot less... alien. Once those feudalistic yet futuristic clothes were replaced with that jumpsuit just like the one I'd been assigned not too long ago, he actually looked human. One very big human with a very unique golden tattoo, mind you, but if you didn't know that he had that... thing living inside him, this was someone you'd likely pass on the street. I wasn't really prepared for that. The impression one had of him was that he was someone who'd been sucked into this mess, just like the rest of us.
"Thanks for coming, Daniel," Jack said, looking very grateful. In hindsight, I think he was relieved to have another non-hostile presence in the room. Besides Hammond, we were joined by three decidedly uneasy soldiers with nasty-looking weapons. Two were by the door, and the third was out of Teal'c's line of sight by positioning himself behind them. Directly in front of me, which was most encouraging.
"No problem." I sat in the same chair as the last time, clasping my hands in front of me. I'd thought that I was across from my friend. Not quite, I was off by one chair. I looked up to find that I was directly facing Teal'c.
His dark eyes were fixed on me, studying me in an attempt to gauge my reaction to him. The man seemed pretty impassive, but I thought I saw something like uncertainty in his eyes. As though he were nervous over whether he'd made the right choice in helping us. I tried to smile, thinking that it might put him at ease. I didn't quite get one in return, but he inclined his head in my direction.
Jack seemed pleased with this bit. I could see it in his smile as he started to introduce us. "Daniel, you remember Teal'c. Teal'c, this is Daniel Jackson. You remember him from Chulak, right?"
"He who was struck down by Apophis," Teal'c acknowledged, as I found myself rubbing the tender spot at the back of my skull. My fingers found it before I could stop them, but my attention was pulled away when Teal'c frowned. "Do you not have a title, as does O'Neill and General Hammond?" Ah, interesting question. I shook my head slightly. "Not quite. They're in the military, which is basically in service to our country. I'm a civilian. My title is 'doctor.'"
"You are a healer?" he questioned.
"No, no..." I flinched in memory of biology classes long past. "I'm a scholar. A..." I searched for words he might understand. What was it again that Kasuf said I was? "I guess I'd be a scribe of sorts. A _thupar_?" He nodded in understanding, but somehow I had the feeling he still wasn't too sure about me. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the only "civilians" he dealt with, other than the family I assumed he had, were the other prisoners. People who likely were as my people once were on Abydos. Slaves.
Hammond cleared his throat. "If it's all right with you, gentlemen, I'd like to begin the debrief."
Teal'c and I nodded, but Jack had to get in the final word. He made it sound like he and Teal'c, at least, were here voluntarily. "Yeah, sure, we might as well."
"How kind of you." There was a distinct wry tone in the General's voice. I think he was getting used to Jack's humor. "Teal'c, I appreciate the difficulty that your decision has undoubtedly caused you. I know from our encounter in the..." Hammond looked at a loss as he glanced at the large room where the Stargate was housed.
"Embarkation room?" I offered, ever helpful. Technical, but it sounded good to me.
I was rewarded with an appreciative nod. "Yes, the embarkation room. I know from our first encounter that you were a soldier for your master, Apophis, and undoubtedly a loyal one at that. Your decision to return with Colonel O'Neill wasn't an easy one. However, you have to realize that you and your people are the first we've encountered who aren't from our planet." "I am aware of this fact," Teal'c said, giving another slight nod. "As I have said, any information about the Goa'uld and the Jaffa that I may be able to provide is available to you, General Hammond. I only wish to assist, not harm."
"Thank you." The idea seemed to slightly throw Hammond for a loop. This must have been a novelty, the notion of a willing enemy informant. The question was whether it would be taken at face value. Hammond seemed to have his reservations. Jack certainly didn't. "For starters, Teal'c, why don't you tell us about how you served the Goa'uld. What was your position?" "I am a Jaffa. My people serve as soldiers and slaves for the Gods," he began. There was a very tangible disgust in his words. The way he said, it sounded like this wasn't a sentiment he could vent very often. "My position in the court of Apophis was as _hut ha-ti_."
Cue to the linguist. Both Jack and Hammond looked my way. I sat, frowning for a moment as my mind pieced together the English equivalent. "Um... the closest translation I can think of is 'First Prime.'" "First Prime?" Jack shook his head and snorted. "I'm going to guess that subtlety isn't a quality the Goa'uld particularly value, huh?"
"It is not," came Teal'c's grave nod. "They also do not value humor. There is much they do not appreciate."
Jack tried not to laugh. I had to smile, but Hammond was ever vigilant in continuing the questioning. "What exactly does a First Prime do?"
"I commanded the armies of Apophis. Our campaigns may be against a great enemy, or against the slave population living within his territory. I relay his orders during the battle. The Jaffa at court were also my charges. The welfare of Apophis and his household were upon my shoulders. If something should have befallen one, I would have paid with my life."
"What about ceremonial roles?" I asked, ever the curious. I could still see Teal'c at the top of the prison's entrance, where he bellowed out in that dialect almost identical to what I knew from Abydos. Choosing the children of the gods, and then Sha're appeared, into those resplendent robes...
Jack thankfully brought me back to the present with the toe of his boot scraping past my shin. I'd almost missed what Teal'c was about to say. "I was to play the role required for that time." He worded it slowly, and for a moment, he met my gaze. It was held long enough for him to get an idea what was going on in my head. "My role was vital in selecting candidates for Goa'uld absorption. We would travel to worlds and select those deemed desirable from the slave populations."
"Hate to break it to you, Teal'c, but we're not slaves here," Jack said. "Well, some of us are slaves to our schedules and whatever, but nope. No Goa'uld."
"That is true. No Goa'uld rule here," he nodded in reply. "If there had been, the challenge posed by Apophis would be answered. You are fortunate." "And there's no Goa'uld on Abydos, either. My people are anything _but_ slaves!" I couldn't help the testiness in my voice. We'd fought Ra for nothing if someone else was just going to go back and do the same. For the first time, I really was glad I ordered the boys to bury the Stargate.
Teal'c raised his eyebrow. "Are you not from this world, Daniel Jackson? The people of Abydos do not resemble you."
"Remember what I said about visiting there about a year ago?" Jack asked.
"Yes. That was when you defeated Ra, is it not?" He seemed just delighted at that idea, as if it alone was justification for saving our lives in the prison.
"Oh, yeah. Big time." Jack grinned, looking at me. The decision to send the bomb was the first time we actually had the idea that the two of us could work together. A good sign for SG-1, I hoped. "Anyway, Daniel stayed behind after we left. We just got him back, what, two days ago?" I nodded at him. Two days that felt like two weeks. An eternity living off mess hall surprise, as Captain Doctor called it, along with bottomless cups of coffee.
There was a glint of something in Teal'c's eye, that quickly disappeared as soon as I saw it. "I see. They are a brave people, Daniel Jackson."
Where did that come from?
"I know," I said a little too tightly.
"Teal'c, is that why you took my officer? The female soldier?" Hammond seemed genuinely concerned, a sign of a good leader, I guess. He nodded. "Apophis considered her a possible host for his queen. She was in need of a new host."
"And is my officer still alive?" There was hope in his voice.
"I regret that she is not, General Hammond. She was brought forward for judgment, but was not selected." Teal'c couldn't look at any of us as he continued. "There is much waste in this process. A human life is valued only for its worth in labor or as a host. To be neither is to be nothing more than refuse. Your woman was killed by Apophis, and I was ordered to select a new candidate. That woman is now the queen of Apophis."
My entire body froze, as my mind seemed to endlessly repeat his last words. He was the one who brought Sha're to Apophis. Skaara didn't tell me anything about how she was taken from the prison, but then again, I was unconscious for hours while he could have talked to Jack for...
Jack?
A glance at the man I'd thought to be a friend told me that, yes, he'd known that it was Teal'c. Skaara must have told him everything about what happened since the temple was attacked on Abydos. He had a very detailed way of describing things, and the identity of the man who seized my wife would definitely not be missed.
Jack knew. The bastard knew that Teal'c was the one who took my wife away from me! And he wasn't going to say anything? I couldn't believe it. He wanted Teal'c in SG-1, but he knew what the Jaffa had done to me? Did that mean he didn't want me there?
The semi-stable world I'd collected since returning to Earth had suddenly dropped out on me.
"Doctor Jackson?" I could hear Hammond's voice trying to break into my consciousness. "Are you all right? Doctor?"
"Daniel?" Jack called, reaching across the table as best he could. His voice made me realize that I'd probably gone as white as a sheet. My hands were tightly clenched around the edge of the table, nearly strangling the hard wood as it dug into my palms.
Teal'c just sat there and looked.
I had to consciously pry my fingers away from the surface, then dropped my hands into my lap for a few moments before speaking in the calmest voice I could muster. "Excuse me, I have to go now."
And I did.
Under the circumstances, I'd have to say that it was a graceful exit. I almost wished that I'd stormed out in a hailstorm of verbal insults, but that's never been my style. Instead, I took the quietest way out. Now, what I needed was a place to be quiet and sit by myself. A place that I didn't have... yet. An office would have been ideal, with a lockable door and a private coffee pot that I could drink until sleep was impossible. That would be in the future, but at the moment, I needed someplace else.
Bless the Captain Doctor. She was on her way somewhere, but she stopped anyway the moment she saw me. It must have been my appearance that attracted her. Shell-shocked archaeologist special.
"Doctor Jackson?" she asked. "Are you all right?"
I decided to lie. "Just a little tired. I was going to look for
someplace to sleep, and there's somebody I should see, but..." "Oh! I'll take you there." She gave me a bright grin as she led the way to the quarter master's office. Before long, I had the key to a billet that would be my crashing place when I couldn't go wherever home might be. Carter played tour guide a second time, then left me with a promise that we'd have to get together for a meal sometime soon.
Although I hadn't really gotten to know her, I had to admit that I would regret not working with her on SG-1...
The room was perfect. While it was on the small side, it had a set of drawers and a bunk bed. It was all mine. I felt like using the top bunk that night, and climbed up to sprawl on it. It felt good after hours on my feet, and the very uncomfortable prison floor.
Sleep refused to come. I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling for what felt like hours. I wondered if it would make a difference if I actually could sleep. Thoughts of Sha're would race through my mind, whether I was awake or dreaming.
<< Sleep refused to come. I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling for what felt like hours. I wondered if it would make a difference if I actually could sleep. Thoughts of Sha're would race through my mind, whether I was awake or dreaming.>>
It might have been minutes or hours, but there was a knock on the door. I didn't bother getting up, which didn't seem to deter my would-be visitor. A few more raps, then the doorknob was turned. I groaned, realizing that I'd forgotten to lock the door.
"Hello?" Jack's head poked in a moment after I heard his voice. Light from the hall spilled past him, causing a trail to lead to my bunk.
"Go away," I muttered, rolling away from the door.
Why wasn't I surprised when he closed the door behind him to step further in the room? He kept his distance, however, which was nice, but he was still there. For the moment, he was quiet.
I finally sighed in annoyance. "What do you want, Jack?"
"Oh, I don't know. Just passing through, thought I'd say hello. Somebody I know, however, stormed out of a briefing in a bit of a huff." He paused for a moment, then all the sarcasm in his voice seemed to vanish. "Look, Daniel, I know this is difficult."
The fact that he was actually holding the olive branch for discussion eluded me for the moment. I focused on the words, not on the meaning or the man behind them.
"Difficult?" I spluttered the word out as I sat up to glare at him in the gloom. "This is difficult?! Oh, Colonel, you have no idea!"
"Okay, so maybe I don't. Exactly. Point is, we all have to make the best of what we have happening here."
"Nothing is happening. If you want Teal'c on SG-1, Jack, you can forget about me. I'll stay here and do what I must, but I am _never_ going to be on the same team as that... that... creature!" I crossed my arms tightly against my chest, almost trying to protect my already bleeding heart. "I thought I could trust you, Jack. You know what he did to Sha're. What, you never thought that I'd find out? Or better yet, that I wouldn't care? That I'd be the nice and naive archaeologist and say, gee, that's okay. We're all one great, big happy family, and it's okay to turn the cheek and crap like that?"
"Of course not. Daniel, I know you're upset. I'd be an asshole if I didn't see that. You have the right to be, but..." He cleared his throat, as though preparing himself for what he wanted to say. I know he's a man of very few words, and in those few moments, he was trying to find the words that would get through to me. "Daniel, look at it this way. Teal'c is like me. We're soldiers. We have orders. Sometimes they're fine, but other times, they can go against every value that we were taught to cherish as kids. You know, bible stuff. Thou shall not kill, yadda."
"The Goa'uld were on Earth before the Old Testament was ever composed," I argued. I wasn't going to go into the fact that the whole situation had its roots in Mesopotamia, because that was another ball of wax that would have Jack disinterested in a heartbeat. Then again, maybe that wasn't such a bad idea...
"Yeah, so? I'm willing to bet that lots of people were doing pretty okay on their own. You know, that eye for an eye thing? It says to me that people valued life in some way, right?"
I sighed again. He could go into the Mesopotamian angle by himself without a word from me. "Yes, Jack. Cultures have their own ways to protect life."
"Right. So, life can be valued, and you can be the kind of person who normally won't smush ants on the sidewalk. The problem, Daniel, is that your superiors don't give a rat's ass about what you value." I almost wished the lights were on so I could see his face. "If you're ordered to do something nasty, you really don't have much of a choice in the matter unless you're really wanting to get brought up on charges. Or worse." "Your point?" I really didn't want to hear it, especially since I could hear the underlying truth to his words. Hadn't Jack been ordered to kill everyone on Abydos because of the threat potentially posed by Ra? "You found a way to bypass orders."
"Yeah, and made a lie so big that I tripped over it when Hammond's hounds caught the scent," he snapped. "You heard Teal'c. If he failed in his duty, he lost his life. You can't try to change the world by getting yourself killed in the first fight."
I couldn't believe my ears. "Oh, is that what you're saying? Teal'c was just biding his time until his potential saviors came along? Sha're had to be sacrificed for his wait?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying!" Jack was getting more than a little annoyed at me, I could tell. "Daniel, I was watching him from the first time I saw him. He was in the prison, remember? It was like he was in there, making sure we were all right. He spared Skaara's life earlier, too." "Huh?" I looked back at his shadowed figure. "Excuse me? He stood there and let them drag Skaara off!"
Jack was back to being patient. "No, when they took Sha're. Skaara told me that he was trying to fight the guards, but Teal'c stopped him. If it had been anyone else, Daniel, I'm sure they would have killed Skaara right then and there as an example to the other prisoners. Teal'c just warned him that he couldn't help Sha're by dying then. I don't think he expected Skaara to be taken, too."
"So that's one thing." The last thing I wanted to be was convinced that Teal'c was as much a victim of circumstance as we happened to be. "Excuse me as I get excited."
The bunk's frame shifted slightly as Jack sat on the bottom. When he spoke again, I thought he was changing the topic. "Well, we finally started shipping a few of the refugees through the Stargate. A good number of them know the coordinates back to their homes. A few of the others who don't know are going to stay with others. Anyway, Teal'c asked if he could be present while they left."
"What, so they would recognize a Jaffa when they see one next time?" "Actually, he wanted to apologize to some of them. Those that he was responsible for kidnapping, actually." Jack gave a chuckle. "You know the ones with the feathers in their hair?"
"Yeah..." I could picture them pretty accurately. One of the women in the bunch planted a large kiss on my cheek while the ex-prisoners were showering us with their relief and thanks. It was embarrassing. "What about them?"
"They were in that prison because of the orders Teal'c had." Jack paused as he spoke, as though letting the words sink in. "To get new hosts, the same reason they took Sha're and Skaara."
"I know why they picked them," I said, gritting my teeth. I just wanted to know why it was my wife that they'd taken, not someone else. Anyone else. "Right. Well, before the feather heads left, Teal'c went up to them and gave this formal apology in what must have been their language. Couldn't understand a word of it." There was a laugh. "Big surprise there. Anyway, one just walked right past him. The other two stopped." It would be no surprise to tell Jack that if I'd been one of the so-called "feather heads," I'd have done the same and just walked on as though he hadn't said a word. Why the other two stopped, this I wanted to know. "Let me tell you, Daniel, that it looked like they'd been hit by a bomb. They were shell-shocked. One of them started to cry, while the second put his arm around her, then said something to Teal'c. They said a couple of things, then walked off to the Stargate."
I was feeling decidedly unimpressed, but it was a struggle to stay that way. The part of me that was touched by Teal'c's efforts would not be easily repressed. What Teal'c did took courage, and despite my best efforts to be detached, I was getting curious. Like the proverbial cat, it was going to get me killed one day.
"What exactly did he do?" I asked.
"I asked him the same thing," Jack admitted. "He told me that when Apophis had him collect prisoners, Teal'c also received the orders to kill a man as an example. Apparently this guy was seen as some kind of threat. Whether he was or not isn't the point. It happened to be the husband of the woman who cried."
My breath caught in my throat. Another happy marriage torn apart because of the Goa'uld. The same way Sha're and I were separated, but unlike them, we would be eventually together again.
This time, when I spoke, my voice was just above a whisper. "Did she forgive him?"
Jack hesitated for a moment. "I don't think she did, Daniel, but maybe his words made it a little easier for her. Who knows?"
The rhetorical question was aimed at me, too. It was clear from the start that Jack wanted me to talk to the Jaffa, if only to clear the air. Maybe even to see the points the dear colonel was indelicately trying to get me to understand. Teal'c was only the means, as all Jaffa were, for the Goa'uld to get what they wanted.
Much in the same way, came my sudden insight, Jack's role in the military had gone. What had he done for our own government? Did I really want to know? After all, hadn't he been ready to blow us all up on Abydos? Becuase he was under orders?
Long moments passed, as the thoughts tumbled in my mind. Jack stayed patiently on the lower bunk, waiting for me to speak. There was something about him that told me that nothing but an affirmative answer would be good enough for him. But I wasn't ready.
So he tried again.
"Daniel, I want you on my team. Hammond said it himself. What you know is invaluable, especially since the order of the day seems to be funky-eyed aliens who know a hell of a lot about ancient Egypt. Kawalsky's practically begging to get you on his team, but I told him he was dreaming." That was a left-handed complement if I'd ever heard one. Something told me that this would be a common O'Neill phenomenon. "But I want Teal'c on my team, too. He knows things about the Goa'uld that neither of us do, and then with Carter..." He sounded like he was shrugging. "We should be the best."
And then there was that unanswered question that accompanied the "should." The conditional phrasing that meant if everything went as Jack wanted, we would be the best. Should I join. If I chose to.
That would require repairing a fence I didn't know I had two days ago. "He was just following orders." I repeated the facts softly, looking up at the ceiling again. "He had to do what he was told, or else he would have been punished. He waited until someone could help him change things, and in the meantime did little things that would make a difference, somehow. Some... things were out his control."
"Yeah." Jack's voice matched my tone evenly. "Life's like that, as much as we may hate it."
I took a deep breath as I started to slide down from the bunk. "Where is he?"
His hand clasped my shoulder the moment my feet hit the ground. In the dim light, I could see him smiling. Not so much in victory, but more... satisfaction. "In the penthouse suite."
"What?" I tilted my head to look at him. Sometimes the man was nuts. "He's under guard in one of the isolation rooms." By the tone of his voice, he really wasn't impressed. "For crying out loud, what to do they think he's gonna do? The guy came back _with_ us. Voluntarily. He saved our lives. Do you think that means fu-"
I waved my hands in front of him. "It'll be okay, Jack. Um, maybe I should talk to General Hammond, too? Do you think that would make a difference? Or what about a report of somekind? Should I talk about that in that mission report you want?"
"Couldn't hurt." Now he sounded surprised. He gave me another smile.
"Need a tour guide?"
"Sure," I nodded.
He motioned for me to take get my jacket, then started to chide me as we headed for the door. "You shouldn't stay in dark rooms, Jackson. Don't you know it'll screw up your eyesight? You're already walking into things as it is."
It wasn't long before I was let into Teal'c's room. The Jaffa was seated on the bed, eyeing me in a way that said clearly he was wondering about my presence. Jack stuck his head in the door, calling out a greeting and a promise to be back later. It was all done in the moment before the door shut behind him, leaving the two of us together.
"I am pleased to see you, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said after a few moments we spent staring at each other. It was almost like we were standing on opposite sides of an exhibit. "O'Neill explained your reaction after your departure. I regret that it was your wife whom I selected as host. I understand if you are here to have your revenge."
"Uh... what?" Not exactly the most graceful of responses, but then again, Teal'c's answer wasn't what I thought I'd hear. I didn't know what I expected, but it wasn't the open look of remorse on his dark face. "It was my choice which caused you to lose your wife. I understand your anger." For a moment, he reminded me of a therapist, the kind that nods while saying that he "hears" your words, but doesn't really understand the motivation behind them. If anything, the man was good at repeating the obvious.
"I know. I meant the revenge part." I swallowed nervously. "I'm not here to have any kind of revenge. I'd, um, actually like to offer my own apology."
I had to smile at his surprise. It was genuine. "I do not understand. You have nothing to regret from your actions."
"Actually, you're wrong there." The words began to appear on my tongue, with an ease that surprised me. I crossed the room, setting myself on the bed several inches from him. "At your debrief, I was angry at the wrong person. I should have blamed the people who made it necessary for your participation and for Sha're to be taken from me in the first place."
Teal'c wasn't anything if he wasn't quick. If anything, it seemed to relieve him. "You blame the false gods."
"Yes. The Goa'uld." A thought crossed my mind, about how the Egyptians valued the power of an individual's name. It was so important that some had several names, along with their name that remained secret. Maybe I could do my own bit by undermining them. It may only be symbolic, but it would make me feel a little better. I repeated the race's name a second time, this time reducing the three syllables into one mundane epithet.
"Gould."
The slightest smile crossed Teal'c's features.
"I am truly sorry that your mate was chosen." His words were quiet. "This was the first absorption I had witnessed firsthand. I have served Apophis for many years, but I only recently became..." He tried to remember my earlier translation. "First Prime. It was not pleasant." "I can imagine." It was clear that he didn't want to talk about it, but I had a need for morbid details. I wanted to know why it happened, and what had occurred. It would be the stuff that would give me nightmares, but I needed to know. "Teal'c... why did you pick her?"
The question bothered him. He tensed, his shoulders straightening as he searched for the words. "She sat apart from the other women of the harem. I became aware of her while the others remained together. I regret that it was for no other reason, Daniel Jackson."
"What about the... absorption?" I asked, my voice trembling. "What happens, exactly?"
"A candidate is brought before the Goa'uld. They are examined, then a decision is made." The disgust was heavy in his words. I sensed there were several details he was leaving out. "As I said, rejection brings death, but approval is living death. The Goa'uld enters, here." He reached out and put his hand on my back, one large finger pressed near the top of the thoracic vertebrae. I shuddered, imagination failing to provide an idea of what it would feel like as Teal'c's hand slid away. "There is much screaming, then the host is no more. There is only Goa'uld." I had the sudden urge to vomit. It almost passed as I closed my eyes tightly. "You're sure?"
"I have never heard of a Goa'uld host who remains unchanged. I am sorry, Daniel Jackson. However..." I looked at him as he paused. "I offer my assistance in any way possible, to help you find your wife. It is possible that I have not heard of all that may happen to a host. I will search with you for those answers."
"Thank you, Teal'c," I said. I wouldn't have believed it, but just his words made me feel a little better. I could only hope that the woman he'd apologized to earlier felt the same way I was. "I... I would appreciate your help."
"My people would benefit from such knowledge," he nodded. "Should one Goa'uld be defeated in such a manner, perhaps more will follow. Then my people will be free to choose their own ways."
A year spent with people who'd just gained thair own freedom from the same race that controlled the Jaffa had made me very aware of freedom's value. I smiled at Teal'c, my words totally sincere.
"That will be a great day."
We spoke for another few minutes, and I surprised myself when I realized that I actually liked Teal'c. It was an unexpected revelation, but a welcome one. I learned that he spoke several languages, and it was a delight to learn that a few were unknown to me. I had to stop myself short of begging him to teach me, while my enthusiasm amused him. We agreed on an exchange of information. He would teach me, and I would teach him anything he wanted to know.
"You are a good man, Daniel Jackson," he told me later. "I am glad to have made your acquaintance."
"Same here, Teal'c." I couldn't begin to thank him for saving our lives on Chulak, and his promise to help me regain Sha're was beyond value. I had to begin somewhere, though. "Thank you."
He just nodded in reply.
That was when all hell broke loose outside. The normal lighting changed to a flashing red, spilling into Teal'c's room through the small window. Alarms wailed while booted feet pounded down the hallway.
"Okay..." I glanced at Teal'c, seeing that he was as equally bewildered as I happened to be. "This is a new development."
The door slammed open, revealing the young soldier I'd seen when entering earlier. He and Jack had exchanged salutes before the soldier went back to guarding Teal'c. Now, the young man held his gun as a warning, pointing at my friend, then looked directly at me. "Doctor Jackson! Your presence is required in the control room."
I was quickly on my feet. "Why? What's happening?"
"I'm not sure, sir, but someone's coming through the Stargate."
Teal'c answered my question the moment before my lips moved to form the words. "Goa'uld."
Oh, I wasn't surprised. I threw up my hands. I gave Teal'c a solemn promise that we'd talk again, soon. As for what I said as I strode out the door, I think it was because I was tired. It might have been a sign of things to come. What happened then was a very uncharacteristic phrase that I'd heard several times during the last two days. If all went well, I'd be hearing it a lot more often.
"Oh, for crying out loud..."
*fin*
© January 1, 2000 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.