" Am I free to go now ?" Daniel asked as Dr McKenzie finished making notes and glanced up. He'd undergone forty eight hours further observation at the base since his release from the Mental Health Department, ' just to be sure ' as McKenzie put it, and desperately wanted some time alone and some space. Most importantly he wanted to get away from O'Neill and Carter who alternated their time between keeping Teal'c company and trying to make conversation with Jackson. Conversation he didn't want.
" Physically and psychologically everything appears normal. You may experience side effects from the medication for a week or so... " McKenzie began, Daniel consciously clasped his hands to stop the tremor, " But I can see no benefit in keeping you under observation any longer. If General Hammond is happy then you can convalesce at home."
' Convalesce ', nice way of putting it, Daniel thought. Work the wretched drugs out of his system more like, allow the tremors, dyskinesia and memory lapses to resolve and finally succumb to his dreams. He had snatched only a few hours sleep in the past few days, afraid that the nightmares barely contained when awake would erupt full scale and drive him over the edge once and for all if allowed the luxury of deep sleep. Not that he'd talk about them to McKenzie or Fraiser or the rather nice psychiatric nurse who'd stayed discreetly in the back ground during his stay at the base. In truth he was afraid that to admit to his fears might see his friendly doctors committing him for further treatment. Logic told him he was being stupid; Paranoid the voice in his mind said smugly, just like they said; McKenzie was speaking again he realised, pulling himself back to the present,
" You must understand it was for your own safety Daniel that we resorted to such extreme measures. I can understand your feelings of resentment towards the medical staff but we were only trying to protect you." Daniel didn't respond, his eyes fixed on his clasped hands, " I believe you haven't talked this through with the rest of SG1."
" Not yet. I want my head clear. No offense doctor but the shit you pumped into me hasn't left me feeling at my sharpest. I'll speak to them in a few days." McKenzie frowned, noting the hostility in Jackson's tone but acknowledging the doctor had a right to feel disgruntled.
" I'll arrange a psych counsel for you in, say, two weeks. Provided Dr Fraiser passes you physically fit at that point you'll be free to resume active duty. Let me speak with General Hammond and then I'll sign your release." McKenzie stood, extended his hand. Daniel ignored it, eyes still fixed on the table before him. McKenzie didn't comment, Daniel Jackson still had a few things to work out of his system before things could return to what passed for normality the psychiatrist decided.
" Dr McKenzie." The man turned as he reached the door. Jackson was still sitting but his eyes were fixed on the psychiatrist now and the expression on his face froze McKenzie's blood, " Tell me. If it had been anyone else, Colonel O'Neill, or Major Carter or General Hammond, tell me truthfully, would you have still been so quick to lock them up? You locked me away because you didn't know what to do with me. Admit it. You did it so quickly, so easily... would it have killed you to try a little harder? I was dying in there but all you wanted was a nice, rational explanation, not the truth."
" Dr Jackson... " McKenzie wasn't quite sure what to say. He still had vivid memories of O'Neill's reaction when they'd restrained and sedated Jackson in order to transport him to a secure facility. The Colonel had stood frozen, white with anger as Daniel had sobbed and struggled until the drugs kicked in. Fraiser had told the psychiatrist that O'Neill had proceeded to trash the V.I.P. suite after they'd left, only the threat of being restrained and sedated himself stopping the tirade. Daniel's eyes were chips of ice, staring straight through the older man who shifted uncomfortably under their scrutiny, "We were only trying to do what was best."
" Best for who? For what? It sure as hell wasn't best for me was it? "
" Daniel, " McKenzie began,
" Just go. Please." Daniel broke off the gaze, returning to staring at his hands.
" I'll see you in two weeks Dr Jackson. try and get some rest." Alone Daniel allowed himself to relax a little, closed his eyes, allowed the tension to flow out of his body. He could hear voices in the main infirmary next door, people bustling back and fore the corridors, some one laughing - all so bloody normal it made him want to scream.
" Daniel. " Carter was at the door, hesitating. He met her eyes briefly to acknowledge her presence but didn't speak, " May I come in?" He shrugged, " What did McKenzie have to say?"
" He'll fill you in at the briefing no doubt." Daniel said flatly. Sam was still at the doorway. She looked uncomfortable. Daniel had a vague recollection of her almost in tears in the secure cell when they'd visited, her voice full of compassion; sympathy; pity. He didn't need pity. He needed peace. A part of him recognised that he was being unreasonably harsh on her and the others but he was too weary to sort out the jumble of emotions tearing his psyche apart right now. He didn't have the energy to respond to Sam's overtures, he only wanted to forget the terror and humiliation of the past week had ever happened. "Look I'm kinda tired Sam. Those drugs y'know... I'll see you later."
" Daniel..." she didn't know what to say. She wanted to apologise. To ask his forgiveness for leaving him alone when he was so afraid. To hold him and tell him it was all right to be angry with them and to work out his feelings, but he had effectively pulled down the shutters. His eyes were blank. His expression unreadable. She shook her head, " I'll call in later." He didn't acknowledge her words, fixed his eyes back on the desk. Sam headed for Teal'c's quarters. Jack was already there, his own attempts to talk to Daniel equally unsuccessful. O'Neill glanced up as she came in, didn't comment as she slumped on the bunk next to him.
" Still pissed off huh?"
" Oh yes. "
" Did Dr Bizzaro give him the all clear?"
" I don't know. But I saw McKenzie's face as he left, I don't know what Daniel said to him but he wasn't a happy camper. Daniel just didn't want to talk to me." Sam could still see Daniel cowering in a corner, sobbing in fear as the unheard footsteps grew ever closer, " He said he was too tired. He looked like hell."
" The drugs." Jack said.
" No. Not just that. There's something more.It's as if he doesn't trust us Sir."
" Would you? " O'Neill asked bluntly. " Hell we're the closest thing he's got to family and we stand by and let them assault him and cart him off ."
" Hardly stood by Sir. They took it out of our hands."
" Yeah but he doesn't know that does he?"
" Perhaps we should tell him." Sam said, " He might still be locked up if you hadn't been so insistent when McKenzie called you back to the Hospital. He's only hurting himself by driving us away."
" Danieljackson must confront the issue now, whilst there is time for us to repair the damage caused." Teal'c agreed, " Perhaps he will speak to me? "
" It's worth a try." Jack admitted, " Why don't..."
" Colonel, Sirs, " a guard was at the door, " General Hammond wants to see you."
" On our way." Jack got up wearily, Teal'c already on his feet. "Let's see what our friendly shrink has to say. You can collar our reluctant scientist later."
" Doctor Jackson is recovering from the side effects of the drugs and has displayed no further psychotic episodes or hallucinations since this 'alien device' left his system," McKenzie said calmly, " However he is still reluctant to talk openly about his mental health and any lingering problems there might be."
" That's probably because he's afraid we'll lock him up again and throw away the key." Jack said bluntly. He saw Fraiser's expression, "Sorry but he's not exactly going to trust us just yet is he?"
" I've agreed Doctor Jackson can go home for a few days. Dr McKenzie feels this might help him come to terms with the events of the past week." Hammond said, " I'd appreciate it if one of you would run him home, he's not to drive yet."
" Is that wise Sirs? I mean he's still not... well, Daniel at the moment." Sam protested.
" I think he needs some space." Janet said, " I think being under observation is just prolonging things and that if he has time alone he'll work through issues and recover faster. "
" I am concerned that Danieljackson has not yet spoken with us of this ordeal." Teal'c said.
" He will. When he's ready." McKenzie said, " For now I suggest we respect his desire for time alone and allow him to resolve the matter his own way."
" His own way is to bury himself so deeply in his work that it will take a whole team of archaeologists a month to excavate him." O'Neill snapped. " I think we should just force the issue. Order him in here now and let's thrash it out."
" I disagree." McKenzie was so calm it made Jack want to hit him. "My medical advice is to allow him to come to you in his own time."
" Well I'm not prepared to give him an indefinite amount of time to resolve this." Hammond said firmly, " One week and then I want him reassessed for duty." McKenzie went to protest but stopped at Hammond's expression. " One week. Dismissed."
" Yes sir. " Fraiser got to her feet, " I'll go tell him."
" Here, " Fraiser handed him a bottle of pills, " These should help cut down the tremor. You wouldn't take them when..."
" When you were force feeding me drugs to keep me under control," Daniel finished the sentence for her. He saw her expression, " I know. I've already had the party line from McKenzie. You were trying to protect me. You thought I was a threat to myself or others. It was for my own good. " He turned to look Fraiser straight in the eye, Janet flinched under the unwavering gaze full of anger, "Didn't you think for one minute that it could have been something from the mission affecting me? Hell it wouldn't have been the first time would it? Were you really so certain I was a basket case Doctor? Ready to write me off without firm evidence one way or another? "
" You were displaying... " he turned away, not wanting to hear more excuses, apologies, cutting her off with a brusque
" What's the other container?"
" Sleeping pills. I know you haven't been sleeping."
" I never sleep much." So his discreet shadow had reported on his nocturnal pacing he realised,
" You can't go on indefinitely on two hours broken sleep a night." Fraiser said. "You don't have to take them but they're there if you need them."
" Not afraid I'll take them all at once?" Daniel saw the hurt that flashed across Janet's face but didn't care. Fraiser chose to ignore the barb,
" You can't drive for at least another week, shall I get Sam or Jack to drive you home?"
" No." His voice was sharp. Too sharp. He modified the tone to add, "I'd rather have a staff car. I need to talk to the others when I'm more ... myself. " Janet watched him closely. Perhaps Jack was right, perhaps they needed to thrash this out now before it was too late, " I just need a little space."
" Daniel *we* need to talk about this. I hate to feel there's bad blood between us. I thought we were friends."
" So did I," he said so quietly she barely heard him, then, sharply, " I want to go home right now Doctor. I don't want to talk." He looked and sounded exhausted she mused but the anger had gone, replaced by sheer defeat,
" I'll get a staff car." Janet left him, suddenly very afraid that Marchello had succeeded in taking Daniel away from them after all.
He closed the door, dropped his jacket on the floor and slid down to sit against the wall, completely exhausted. They'd betrayed him. The people he trusted most in the universe had condemned him without hesitation, left him alone to face the horrors his mind had dredged up, abandoned him in the charnel house of his imagination. If he had never touched Teal'c, if the Jaafa had not become ill, would they have left him there? Drugged, restrained, imprisoned, forever? Visited occasionally between missions to assuage their guilt? Slowly abandoned him to a twilight world of hallucinations, psychoses and long term care. He covered his face with trembling hands, tried to regulate his breathing, slow his pulse, get the mounting panic under control.
McKenzie was a stranger. In a way it was easier to forgive him and his staff for their treatment but Janet was a friend. Jack, Teal'c and Sam were more. They were family. Yet they had stepped aside, allowed McKenzie to commit him without protest. There was something else, something that hurt far more. Jack's face when he'd lunged at him in the V.I.P. suite, and later in the secure cell, was starkly clear amongst the jumbled memories of the past week. The Colonel had been afraid. He'd backed right off as if he were afraid to get too close. That hurt most of all. O'Neill wasn't big on demonstrative behaviour when it came to outsiders but with friends it was a different story. He'd cradled Daniel in his arms when the effects of the sarcophagus were at their worst, nursed him like a child, driving away the demons and yet this time... a moan escaped, Daniel bit his fist, trying to stop the rising tide of despair that threatened to overwhelm and engulf him. He was afraid that if he let the tears start he'd never stop. He paced the room, unable to concentrate, unable to relax, his pacing growing ever more restless. His memory between lunging at Jack and waking up in that stark, white room was hazy. What he did remember was finding himself alone; disorientated, afraid and confused by the cocktail of chemicals designed to placate him that merely fuelled Marchello's device and added a terrifying realism to what he was hearing and seeing. They'd deserted him, left him amongst strangers and whilst he realised afterwards that the medical staff had probably restricted their access that didn't help the overwhelming feelings of abandonment. He suddenly stopped pacing. His apartment had become a prison, the walls suffocating him. He had to get out. Leaving his jacket where it had fallen he slammed the door and fled.
Jack paced his living room, unable to settle. Hammond has given the entire team a week off rotation, overtly to allow Teal'c to recover, but in reality O'Neill knew he wanted SG1 to sort out their differences and get back together as a team. He just prayed it would be possible for them to work through this mess. Jack closed his eyes. He'd wanted it to be just stress or exhaustion so badly. Hell SG1 had been through more than most in the past months and Daniel carried so much baggage it was a wonder he could function at times. O'Neill had denied there could be anything seriously wrong right up to the point Daniel had lunged at him before collapsing to the floor. The scene in the V.I.P. suite when they'd come to take Daniel was as vivid as ever. Daniel had remained unresponsive after his collapse, McKenzie had administered a huge dose of sedatives and he'd been out of it right up to the point they'd tried to remove him from the room and then all hell had broken out. Jackson pleading for Jack to help him, not to let them take him away as they'd held him down in order to sedate him again, sobbing until the drugs finally kicked in, repeating over and over again that he was going to die if they locked him up. McKenzie so sure of himself that O'Neill had wanted to tear him limb from limb, only the presence of Sam and Teal'c each side preventing him taking a swing. It had nearly killed him to see Daniel so frightened, so very alone. Worse still was seeing Daniel slumped like some broken puppet, expressionless, voice flattened by medication in that wretched cell, terrified and lost and he hadn't been able to do a dammed thing. The unasked plea as Daniel screamed silently for help had torn him apart but he'd been frozen, unable to even hold the younger man, to comfort him. He'd been afraid. Simple as that. A deep rooted fear of mental illness that stemmed from his childhood. A fear he'd firmly bricked up over the years, but for a moment in that miserable cell he'd seen not Daniel but... Stop it. Don't go there his inner voice snapped, Daniel's OK now. He's going to be fine. " So why do I feel like crap?" He asked aloud. The empty house didn't answer. He had sent Teal'c home with Carter for the night so he could be alone with his black mood but now he wished he'd asked them to stay. "Oh to hell with this." He snatched up his car keys, he had to see Daniel whether he liked it or not, there were things that had to be brought out in the open.
Slowly Daniel became aware that it was getting dark and that he was soaked and freezing. At some point the drizzle had turned to sleet and the temperature had dropped viciously in the hours since he'd left his apartment. His jeans and shirt offered no protection from the elements. He'd walked for miles, eventually winding up in the park, walking aimlessly around the boating lake, fighting off the images that hovered too close to consciousness for comfort.
" Spare some change mister?" He was startled by the scruffy youth who blocked his path, images of decaying corpses replaced by a teenager who looked in need of a bath and a decent meal.
" I...I don't have..."
" Sure you do." Another youth was behind him, flick blade in hand. Daniel was not in the mood for this. In the past seven days he'd been pushed to the edge of insanity by Marchello's device, forcibly restrained and drugged, driven from the only friends he had on this miserable planet and now two punks wanted to mug him. His years with the SGC had not been entirely in vain. Despite the running joke that he never came back off a mission unscathed Daniel could, when necessary, handle himself. He was fuelled by a rage that frightened him in it's intensity and didn't loose his wallet or watch without a fight, beating off the larger of the two punks before a third youth joined his assailants and he was eventually pinned down, face ground into the gravel path as they yanked off his watch, shoved into the shallows as they ran off laughing. Daniel sat on the edge of the lake for a long time, nursing his broken glasses, oblivious to the gash that leaked blood from his palm.
" You OK mister?" the derelict asked. The dazed young man on the ground slowly looked up, an expression of absolute grief on his face, "Some bastard mug you?"
" Yes..." he was too tired to care any longer. The man helped him up,
" You need to get that seen to. Nasty cut. It's not safe in the park at night, come on, I'll walk you to the road." Daniel slowly followed, unable to think clearly, the derelict making conversation but Daniel didn't hear it, he just heard the faint, whispering voices that crept back from time to time to let him know that the damage Marchello had inflicted wasn't as transient as he'd prefer to believe.
Jack had dozed off. He'd hammered on Daniel's door until a neighbour had come to investigate the noise. Dr Jackson, O'Neill had been told in no uncertain terms, was not at home. Jack had turned to leave then thrown up his hands, parked himself in the hallway, and waited. They were going to resolve this whether Daniel liked it or not. The sound of the elevator and footsteps woke him, he glanced up just in time to see Daniel come round the corner and freeze.
" Shit Daniel! What the hell happened to you?" Jack was on his feet in an instant. Daniel was ashen, blood trickled from his hand, staining his soaked clothing, his face was scraped and bruised but more than that the look of utter defeat stamped on his features frightened Jack more than he cared to admit.
" What are you doing here Jack?" Daniel's voice was flat. Expressionless.
" We need to talk."
" There's nothing to say. " He fumbled with his keys, disabled by his cut hand and the tremor that was more noticeable than ever. Jack took them, opened the door. "Thank you. Goodnight."
" No. Dammit it Daniel. We do, need to talk. Hell I need to talk." O'Neill blocked Daniel's path. Daniel was too weary to care. He shoved past but left the door open. O'Neill followed him in. Jackson crumpled onto a sofa, apparently unaware of his soaking clothes or the shivers that coursed through his body, " For crying out loud." Jack stalked to the bedroom, snatched up the quilt and threw it at Daniel, "At least make some effort Daniel."
" What's the point?"
" What do you mean ' What's the point'? " Jack couldn't stop himself yelling, angry with Daniel's indifference, " Daniel what the hells wrong with you?"
" I thought you'd all decided on that Jack, " he sniped. Something in Daniel's tone made Jack flinch. " Would you be pleased to know that it's not all Marchello's work? That I'm just as crazy as you all thought?"
" Don't say that Daniel. You're fine. McKenzie..."
" McKenzie doesn't know what I choose not to tell," he said simply. Then in a very small voice, " They haven't gone away Jack. Not entirely."
" Who ?" Jack was confused.
" The voices." Daniel whispered, " They're still there... I can hear them when I start to fall to sleep... when I let my guard down." There he'd said it aloud. He watched Jack's expression. " You gonna call Mental Health and have me dragged back to that nice padded room?"
" Daniel." Jack was scared, he'd seen that crushed acceptance before, he wasn't about to let Daniel end up drugged and incapacitated in the same way. " Don't Daniel. It's just side effects from Marchello's device and the drugs."
" An expert on mental health now Jack? When did you do your psych degree?" Daniel's voice dripped venom, " Just *go*. Leave me alone. Go back to the mountain and get Fraiser to send them round for me. I'm sure McKenzie and Maybourne will be pleased to study the long term psychological effects of alien technology." Jack opened his mouth but the words just froze. " Get out Jack. Leave me alone."
" No." The tone made Daniel raise his eyes to meet Jack's. O'Neill was angry. Daniel knew that set of the Colonel's jaw, the narrowed eyes all too well. " We're going to talk."
" I've nothing to say."
" Well I have." Jack paced the living area, suddenly uncertain of what he wanted to say, the anger gone. He visibly slumped, his voice barely audible when he spoke, " I wanted to ... apologise. "
" Apologise? "
" I... dammit... I was scared Daniel. There. Happy now I admitted it? " Jack ran a hand through his hair, his back to Daniel. " Give me a mission in enemy territory, no problem; a crisis that could end in death, I can cope with; Apophys, Hathor, whoever and I know what to do but I can't handle mental illness Daniel, it scares me more than anything the Gao'uld can throw at us." Jack paced the room again, talking more to himself than Daniel, "Ever since I was a kid it's been the same. I'd come home from school dreading what she'd have done this time. Terrified I'd walk in the house and she'd be dead. The number of times I found her with her wrists slashed or overdosed on her meds when she was depressed or she'd been annoying the neighbours when she was on a high and the police had carted her off to county mental health... Other kids moms would come to sports day or teachers evenings but I'd pray mine wouldn't so the others wouldn't see the state she was in. Manic-depression they said. Nice neat label. It doesn't begin to describe what it's like to watch a highly articulate, intelligent, beautiful women degenerate into a raving, unkempt mess who'd slash her own wrists in front of her kids. I was fifteen when she finally succeeded. Me and my kid brother came in and she... she'd hung herself. But at least it was over for her. I hated her Daniel. I hated the fact she couldn't be like other mothers. I hated her temper, her delusions, the depression that left her in bed for weeks on end. I hated the fact she wouldn't take her meds to keep it under control and what the drugs did to her when she would take them. I hated what she did to my father and us. I was scared of her. Just like I was scared of what was happening to you." He stopped. Silence filled the room. "I wanted to apologise for not being there for you when you needed me. I wanted to apologise for letting you down."
Daniel's voice was very small when he finally spoke. " I just... I was so scared Jack. You have no idea. The things it made me see and hear," he was shaking, not from the cold or drugs but from fear, " I can't stop thinking about it... I was going to be abandoned in the middle of a nightmare and you were going to walk away and leave me. I knew it couldn't be real and yet it was so clear. The drugs just made it worse, more real and now I can't concentrate, my memory's shot, I can't stop shaking and I'm afraid to go to sleep because they're still there... waiting.."
" Daniel you're exhausted and frightened and full of chemicals. If you're seeing what I saw when I was affected then no wonder you're afraid to sleep. Hell I am, I haven't slept properly since and only then with help from Janet's prescription." Daniel looked up, surprise on his face at Jack's confession, " Oh hell Daniel. What a bloody mess." Jack sat next to him. He could feel the younger man shivering. Impulsively he wrapped his arms around Daniel as he had wanted to in the V.I.P. suite, as Daniel had needed him to and held Jackson fast, feeling him tense up but not allowing him to pull away; rocking him until the flood gates opened and Daniel began to cry. He wept silently at first and then huge, over whelming sobs that sent shudders through his body and went on for an eternity. Jack didn't say a word, there was no need, slowly he felt the younger man relax into sleep, his body heavy in Jack's arms as his breathing evened out. Jack carefully extracted one hand to wipe away the tears that had trickled silently down his own cheeks, shifting a little, his arm numb where Daniel was lying against it. Daniel mumbled inarticulately, a frightened whimper,
" Shh, go back to sleep Danny." O'Neill realised he was cold and wet from Daniel's soaked clothes. He should really get the kid to change but didn't have the heart to wake him. Daniel's hand suddenly grabbed his arm, nails biting deep as he moaned, " Danny, you're OK." Terrified eyes flew open and he shoved away, almost falling off the couch in his effort to escape whatever he'd seen, " Whoa, calm down Danny. You're safe."
" Sorry," his eyes cleared a little as the images faded, "Dreaming." Jack had a sudden flash of the monstrous images he'd seen whilst so briefly infected and shuddered, Daniel's teeth were chattering, " Cold."
" That's because we're both soaked. Go shower, change, go on. That's an order. I'll borrow some sweats if that's OK? " Daniel didn't move, frozen, clutching the quilt, face grey, eyes glazed, fixed on some distant point, "Daniel!" Jack's sharp tone broke into the image, "Shower Now. Or do you want me to come scrub your back?" That brought a faint smile, "Go on. I'll brew some coffee." Daniel nodded, slowly headed to the bathroom. O'Neill watched him go, angry with Marchello for what he'd done to Daniel, angry with the medical team and angry with himself for failing Daniel when he'd needed them most. He had coffee waiting when Daniel returned and a first aid box to clean the gash on his hand. Daniel watched in silence as Jack cleaned and bound the wound then dressed his split knuckles without comment, " Not as neat as the Doc but it'll do," O'Neill said finally as he finished taping the dressings, " You gonna be OK?"
" I guess." Daniel sipped the coffee cautiously, holding the mug with both hands to stop the shaking, the silence between them more comfortable now. Eventually he looked up from studying the dark liquid to meet Jack's gaze, " I'm sorry Jack... about your mom."
" It was a long time ago." The Colonel dismissed the subject, still not comfortable to talk about the stranger that had been his step-mother, then sensing Daniel needed to know more, " When Dad married her I thought we'd be a proper family again, we were really pleased he'd found someone to love after mom died. He knew Cindy suffered from depression but I don't think he had any idea how bad it could be. Cindy was a lovely person, pretty, intelligent, a cellist with the local symphony orchestra. At least when she was well that is. She was so talented, so creative and then she stopped taking her drugs, said she was better and it began. It was such a bloody waste. She never really got on top of it again, each cycle just got worse and worse until she couldn't function in the real world." He watched Daniel closely. The younger man was still too pale, too quiet but there was a spark of animation in his expression now that gave O'Neill hope, " It took me years to realise it wasn't her fault, that she couldn't help it. I used to hope they'd keep her locked up when they'd cart her off to mental health, at least someone else was responsible for her actions then. I think the worst thing though was she was aware, during her more lucid times, of what was happening, of what she was loosing. The worst thing in the world, to know you're loosing your mind. I hated myself for not being able to understand her when she needed me to. There was so much ignorance, so much fear about mental illness back then, it was more acceptable to have a murderer in the family almost." He stopped, lost for a moment in his memories, then, mentally shaking himself, " I guess the stigma's still there isn't it? The fear? I'm so sorry Danny."
" I know." They sat in silence a while longer as they finished their coffee, O'Neill glanced at his watch.Gone four, it would be dawn soon.
" Look it's late. Can I crash on your couch tonight?"
" Sure. So long as you don't intend to get much rest," Daniel shrugged apologetically, " I get kinda restless when I can't sleep."
" Didn't they give you anything to help? You have to sleep Daniel. You look like hell."
" Thanks. I think. Janet gave me sleeping pills but I can't... "
" Nightmares?" Daniel nodded. Jack could see the unspoken statement. Daniel was afraid to sleep. Afraid of what it might bring. The nightmares that had haunted the early missions had faded, although Jack was certain they'd never fully gone and now they'd been replaced by something far more vivid, more disturbing. " Take them Daniel. I'll be here."
" Promise?" For a moment Daniel looked and sounded like a child, scared of what was hiding under the bed.
" Promise." Daniel smiled. Not much, but it was a start. Jack returned it, "And in the morning we'll call Carter and Teal'c. We've got a lot of talking to do, things we need to get in the open. Sam's pretty cut up about this."
" I know." Daniel recalled crushing her cautious overtures at the base and cringed. Jack saw the change on his face and guessed the direction Daniel's thoughts were taking him, " I was such a bastard to her, to you all I guess."
" She understands y'know. We all do. "
" That doesn't really make it any better does it? I was just so screwed up Jack, I couldn't deal with it just then ... "
" And when we're through you need to clear the air with Janet. "
" I'm not so sure about that Jack. I don't know if I'll ever trust her again."
" That's why you need to talk. We're a team at the SGC and a team can't work if it doesn't communicate. I'm not saying you'll ever feel the same way about each other but you need to be able to work together. OK?"
" I suppose you want me to talk to McKenzie too?"
" Dr Bizzaro's another issue. I'll hold him whilst you hit him if you like. But first you need to sleep. Come on, where are the pills?" He watched Daniel take one, ushered him to bed and hesitated at the door, "I'll leave the light on OK?"
" ' Kay. " Daniel was already sleepy, " Jack."
" Yeah?"
" Thank you. For telling me." his voice was heavy with sleep, " I thought you hated me ... that I'd lost you ... On my own again."
" We thought we'd lost you too Danny. " Jack could vividly see
the image of Daniel cowering in the corner, " How would we manage
without you? Who'd drive me to distraction? Who'd ignore my orders and
go blundering in without assessing a situation or placate the natives
when I screw up? We need you Danny," then, softer, " Hell I need
you." Daniel's reply was lost as he snuggled deeper into the blankets,
"Goodnight kid, sleep well, try not to dream." He watched Daniel from
the doorway for a further ten minutes before making up a bed on the
couch and settling down. He had a feeling he wouldn't get much sleep
tonight, or for many nights to come but they had Daniel back. That was
all that mattered for now. Jack began to drift off. He'd call Teal'c and
Sam in the morning and they could work through the coming days as a
team, but for now he'd just get through what remained of the night with
Daniel and deal with whatever monsters might come.
© September 1,1999 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.