Jack O'Neill sat in his customary seat at the conference table. He was fidgeting. There was nothing out of the ordinary about this particular pre-mission briefing--except the timing.
General George Hammond bustled in, acknowledging his team with a nod. "Sorry, people. I was on the phone with the Secretary of Defense. You don't exactly put him on hold." Hammond turned and directed a steady gaze at Daniel Jackson. "Good to have you back, Doctor Jackson."
"Thank you, sir." Daniel's voice was quieter than usual.
Jack noticed Daniel's demeanor. Not surprising of course. Hopefully, a new mission, a new cause, would snap him back to his usual passionate self. Sha're had been gone for ten days now. This was their first mission since the funeral. Of course Sha're had really been gone a lot longer than ten days. The hope for Sha're had been gone for ten days now.
"Okay, let's get started. Major Carter, do you have the MALP survey of..." The general scanned the brief in front of him. "P8X242?"
"Yes, sir. Prelimary surveys show compatible atmosphere, no visible lifeforms except vegetation. Uh, lot's of vegetation. The only evidence of past habitation is a stone pedestal near the gate, seen on the MALP image. It appears to have carving on it." Major Carter clicked the remote in her hand and a projected image of the carving appeared on the wall.
The general looked at the image, then turned to Daniel. "Doctor Jackson, have you had a chance to examine this?"
Daniel was looking down at his own hands.
"Doctor Jackson?"
Daniel startled out of his reverie. "Uh yes, sir. Sorry, sir. I've done a preliminary study. I don't recognize the style at all. It may not even be writing as we know it. I need to see it up close. As you can see, the image is poor quality, too dark."
"Yes, which brings me to our next matter. This planet appears to have a totally different circadian rhythm from our own. From what we can determine from the scans and it's relationship to the nearest sun, it has a very short day and an extended night." The general swiveled his chair to face Carter. "Major Carter, have you come to any conclusions?"
Carter cleared her throat. "Yes, sir. We've determined that we will have to leave here at approximately 0100 our time in order to arrive there in time to take advantage of the daylight hours. Also, sir, there is no moonlight to speak of. When it's dark there, it's very very dark."
Jack O'Neill sighed. "Oy."
General Hammond ignored him as was his custom. "Okay people. You have a go for standard recon on P8X242. Departure time will be 0100 tomorrow morning. You are all ordered to take today off, go home and get some sleep. I don't want to see any of you on base again until at least midnight. Dismissed."
The general rose, SG1 stood up and the general turned to go to his office.
Daniel remained seated while all of the others had stood. Jack walked around the table and sat next to him. "Daniel? You with us?"
Daniel turned and looked at Jack, his eyes haunted. "I'm fine, Jack." He stood abruptly. "You gonna ask me that every ten minutes on this mission?" Daniel gathered his papers and stalked out of the room.
Jack was left staring after him. "I thought about it," he said with a sigh.
***
The SGC was a different place at night. Jack O'Neill walked the corridors, hearing his own footsteps echo. Something he never heard in the day time. Night and day were the same this far underground. The difference was that the activity level decreased dramatically after 2100. He felt the same way he remembered feeling as a kid when he would go to his school after school hours. It felt somehow hollower, the walls looked different, the air smelled different, the sounds were different.
It was 2330 and he had not been able to sleep. Much. Three hours tops, all day. He had fiddled, twitched, tossed, turned, paced and sat. He had called Daniel but there had been no answer all day. He had left messages. It took all his willpower not to get in the jeep and go over there. He knew Daniel was still hurting. He had been hurting, but no words had been able to comfort him, no gesture had brought him back. Daniel was on his own, and that's how he wanted it, it seemed.
Jack hated seeing his friend like this. He too had grieved for Sha're in his own way. It's true, he had barely known her, but in a way he had known her very well. He knew her through Daniel. The way Daniel talked about her brought her alive. The way Daniel felt about her was palpable. The way Daniel dreamed about her was heartbreaking.
Once Jack had promised Daniel that they would find Sha're and bring her home. Daniel had written in his journal, "If anyone can, Jack can." Jack had not thought when he said it, that Daniel would pin all his hopes on that promise. It had never occurred to him that it was an empty one. He believed it when he said it. Over the years, he had come to doubt himself, but could never bring himself to admit it to Daniel. Jack had kept his promise, but in the most unacceptable of ways. They had found Sha're, Teal'c had killed her, they had brought her home. That was not the way he wanted to keep his promise.
When he and Carter had burst into the tent where Sha're and Daniel lay on the floor, Jack's heart had sunk to his feet. Seeing the beautiful Sha're with an ugly gaping burn in her chest had prompted Jack to pray for the first time in many years. 'Dear God. Please don't let this be Sha're. Please let this be someone else.' But he knew. Looking at Daniel's desolate face, he knew.
Daniel had passed from grief-stricken shock, to unconsciousness after a few moments. After that, priorities changed in a hurry. Get Daniel to the infirmary. Teal'c had mentioned a ribbon-device. That goddamn brain scrambler that Daniel had experienced before. It was never easy. Why wasn't it ever easy?
Teal'c had scooped Daniel up and headed for the Stargate. Sam had stayed for a moment to cover Sha're's body with a silken robe, then had run to catch up. They would send a team in later to recover the dead. A lot of good men had died that day. And one good woman.
Daniel had been unconscious for several hours, then slept off and on for several days. He had talked a little. Talked about Sha're sending him a message telling him to find the boy, where to find the boy. Telling him to forgive Teal'c. Whether Jack believed it or not, Daniel believed it, and Jack believed in Daniel.
Jack had not only one friend in need of mending, but two. Teal'c was devastated. Teal'c, Daniel's self-appointed guardian angel, had not only contributed in the past to his loosing Sha're in the first place, but also had a direct hand in his loosing Sha're forever.
Since Teal'c had joined the SGC in the fight against the Goa'uld, he had renounced, and denounced his old ways. He had paid dearly, with part of his soul, for the evils in which he had participated. He had deeply regretted his contribution to Sha're's abduction, and her being chosen as a Queen for Apophis. It had been he who had hand-picked her for his master. Every time he looked at Daniel, he saw the direct result of his actions and had vowed that he would cause this gentle man no more pain. Indeed, he would protect him in every way possible from it. In Teal'c's mind, he had failed miserably. He had been the instrument of the greatest hurt that Daniel could suffer.
Teal'c was not a fool. Jack did not need to remind him that there had been no choice. He would no more have let Daniel die, than he would have let his own son die. Teal'c would gladly have traded his own life, for that of Sha're's. The choice had been the correct one. Daniel would have died in seconds had Teal'c not acted as he did.
Teal'c accepted this, knew it in his heart, and knew that he would do the same again if need be. What broke his heart was that in doing so, he had caused his friend permanent pain, and had driven a wedge further between them.
In the few minutes of the day that Daniel was awake during those first days, Teal'c had been at his side. Silently waiting. Waiting for Daniel to condemn him. Hoping that Daniel would find comfort in judgement. Hoping that he would find comfort in accepting it.
Daniel's condemnation never came. Daniel did not have it in his make-up to proscribe. One of Daniel's enduring qualities had always been an unequaled and boundless capacity for forgiveness and tolerance. Jack was constantly astounded. Teal'c did not understand, but he quietly and gratefully accepted.
"You're here early." Carter's voice brought Jack back to the present. He found himself in the corridor near Daniel's lab, not remembering getting there.
"I thought I'd see if Daniel's here. He's not answering his home phone."
"He's not. I just checked."
Jack slumped. "Oh."
Carter dipped her head, capturing his eyes with hers. "Sir, Daniel's not angry, or blaming anyone. He's just missing her. He misses the hope that he had of finding her. He misses the dream. You understand? He's grieving as much for that, as he is for her."
"I do understand, Carter. I just wish there was something I could do."
"We can all just be his friends. That's all anyone can do."
Jack looked up and met her gaze. "You're a very wise woman, Carter."
"Yes, sir," she said with a smile.
"Buy you a cup of coffee?"
Carter nodded smartly. "Yes, sir."
***
Jack and Sam encountered both Daniel and Teal'c in the locker room, suiting up for the mission. Daniel was sitting on a bench, lacing up his boots. Sam sat down beside him. "Hi, Daniel, how're ya doin'?"
Daniel did not look up. "Good, Sam. I'm good." He finished with his boots and stood up, returning to his locker.
"You didn't answer your phone today. I wanted to see if you wanted to come over and watch "The Mummy," Jack called from his locker.
"I wasn't home all day. Sorry. I got your message, but by then it was late and I figured you'd be trying to sleep." Daniel caught Jack's eye and noted the skeptical expression. "Really, Jack. I wasn't avoiding you. I was just out. I drove up to the mountains."
"Okay." Jack turned toward his own locker. After a moment, he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Daniel.
"I wanted to apologize for snapping at you earlier." Daniel's eyes were bright. After a moment he turned to the others as well. "I'm sorry I've been kinda, uh, you know...lately." Daniel pushed his glasses up further on his nose. "This first time through the gate after...well, it's the first time I'll go through knowing there's no hope of finding what I've been looking for. It's an adjustment. I'm really okay. You guys can stop worrying."
Sam stepped closer to him, her eyes brimming with unshead tears. Wordlessly she placed a hand on his arm, then turned and left. "I'm going to pick a few things up in my lab. I'll meet you guys in the gate room."
Teal'c walked over to Daniel and placed a firm hand on his shoulder, looking him directly in the eye. He nodded and a flicker of a smile crossed Teal'c's face. In one gesture, he wordlessly renewed his pledge of friendship to Daniel Jackson. He too then turned and left.
Jack fastened his vest and settled his olive drab hat on his head. Looking at Daniel, he said, "Ya ready for another action-packed mission full of high adventure?"
Daniel grabbed his boonie and headed for the door. "Oh God, I hope not."
Okay guys, just a quicky to tide everyone over until I get my muse back and churn out another whumper. RL is really putting a crimp in my style lately <sigh>
© July, 2001 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.