CATEGORY: Tag for Absolute Power
With a critical, but concerned, eye, Jack watched Daniel turn and leave the control room. The younger man had watched the departure of Shifu, Sha're's son, with understanding but also a great sadness. Jack had seen the emotional pain of loss reflected in Daniel's blue eyes for a brief instant before the archeologist took his leave. But Jack had also glimpsed something else in Daniel's expressive eyes. It had been a haunted, frightened look that flickered and was gone. Oh yeah, there was too much going on in that brilliant mind, Jack decided. He only wished he knew what and how to ferret it out of Daniel.
He noticed both Carter and Teal'c had watched Daniel's departure with mirrored concern and worry. But their attention was momentarily diverted from their absent teammate to Aldwin, as the Tok'Ra entered the control room along with General Hammond.
"The Harseisis has departed through the Stargate?" the Tok'Ra inquired, his disappointment evident.
"Shifu, his name is Shifu," Jack corrected, "and yeah, he's gone."
"That is most unfortunate."
"Depends on your point of view, doesn't it," Jack stated dryly. He saw both Carter and Teal'c favor Aldwin with hard glares, which apparently the Tok'Ra ignored, or did not see.
"Yes. But we may still be able to access his genetic memories. Apparently, the Harseisis imparted some, or all, of that knowledge to Doctor Jackson. We need only to probe his mind."
At this suggestion, Teal'c stepped forward to loom menacingly behind the Tok'Ra.
"Does the expression, no way in hell, mean anything to you?" Jack snapped then turned to General Hammond. "Over my dead body, sir."
"Nor will I allow DanielJackson to undergo such a procedure yet again," Teal'c intoned, his deep voice expressing dire consequences if his wishes were ignored.
"I agree with the Colonel and Teal'c as well, sir," Carter added. "If Daniel has any of Shifu's Goa'uld memories, he may wish to forget. We shouldn't force him to remember, just as he argued earlier in defending Shifu."
Apparently, the opinions from his elite team carried much influence with the base commander. The older man turned to face Aldwin. "We don't know if he has retained any of the genetic memories and I'm not inclined to ask Doctor Jackson if that is true or not. I suggest you leave and take your device with you. If, at a later time, you, or it, is needed, we'll contact the Tok'Ra High Council."
Aldwin appeared ready to argue, but apparently decided against it. Bowing his head slightly, he exited the control room. Hammond dismissed the remainder of SG1 with a slight nod.
Several hours later, Jack found himself in the briefing room, sloughing casually against the windowed opening looking down onto the stargate. He was waiting for the arrival of General Hammond. After Aldwin's departure, Jack had sat in his office trying, and failing, to get paperwork completed, hoping Daniel would come by and talk. When the hours passed with no sighting of the archeologist, Jack's own impatience overcame him. A man of action, he decided he would have to be the one to initiate any conversation with Daniel. So, here he was, waiting. When the base commander did stride in a few moments later, the older man waved Jack to follow him into his office.
"Something I can do for you, Colonel?" Hammond asked sitting. He pointed to the empty chair opposite him, but Jack remained standing.
"Yes sir. SG1 needs some down time. Doc Fraiser has already agreed to make it a medical request, if necessary."
"Does this have anything to do with Doctor Jackson?"
"Everything, sir." Jack confirmed, arching his brows knowingly. "Daniel said the dream Shifu gave him was'nt important. I think it is. Since Shifu left, he's been avoiding us like the proverbial plague, sir. Holed up in his office. Not that that's unusual for Daniel, but this is a whole different kind of holing up, sir, if you catch my meaning. It's just like the time after Ammunet tried to fry his brain. A week passed before he told us about Sha're sending him the dream message about the -er- Shifu, through the hand device."
"And you believe this is a similar situation?"
"Well, sir, I do. Remember Daniel and Shifu talked about Sha're giving Daniel a dream through the hand device when we reviewed the security tape. I'm a lot less skeptical this time. I think Shifu gave Daniel more than even he was expecting. We need to find out what that was."
"I see," Hammond said, then paused, thinking. "I'll confess, I'm curious to know what, if anything, Doctor Jackson knows. But there is no question his well being has the overriding priority. Very well," he decided. "Will four days be sufficient?"
Jack shrugged his shoulders. "I think so. Thank you, sir."
*****
//This hatred you carry within you will threaten the child. You must let it go.//
//The true nature of a man is decided between the battle between the conscious mind and the desires of the unconscious. The only way to win is to deny it battle.//
//Your hate will lead to the child's death.//
//One cannot carry darkness along the great path.//
//You must lose your burden before you find your own way again.//
For the umpteenth time, Daniel shook his head to clear it of the thoughts and words tumbling around in his mind, before trying to focus on the alien object on his cluttered desk. The aged clay pot was encircled in his hands, thumbs lightly brushing over the so far undecipherable squiggles etched in the pot's rough textured outer surface. It was no use. This time, hiding in his work would not offer the balm he needed. Releasing his tense hold around the pot, Daniel removed his glasses and rubbed at his burning eyes. He had to talk to someone but there was no one he could talk to, not even the three people he knew, under any other circumstances, he could entrust with his most private thoughts. How could he talk to, much less face, his friends after what he had witnessed in the dreaming, after what was revealed to be harbored in the deepest, hidden part of his soul: the anger, the evil, the craving for power, the desire for revenge, the recognition and adulation which came with being omnipotent. This revelation terrified Daniel. Worse yet, was how easily he manipulated everyone around him to obtain what he wanted. More unforgiving than this Daniel told himself, was the harm he inflicted, without regret or remorse, upon those friends he held closest to his heart.
"Hey, Daniel."
Startled from his reverie by the sound of the cheery greeting, Daniel quickly replaced his glasses and purposefully kept his gaze focused on the clay pot and remained silent.
Not now, Jack. Go away! Daniel shouted in his mind.
"Thought we'd find you here," Jack continued, apparently unaware, or deliberately ignoring, the cold shoulder treatment he was getting. "The general has given us four days of down time."
"And he made it pretty clear we were to spend it anywhere but here at the base." This came from Sam, as Daniel sensed her presence joining Jack's beside his desk.
"O'Neill has offered to provide nourishment, on him. I believe O'Neill meant to say he would barter for our meal."
Daniel kept staring at the clay pot. "Thanks guys, but I'm not hungry." Please go away. I need to be alone.
"Hey," Jack said leaning over and yanking the pot out of Daniel's hands. "Maybe you didn't hear me. The general has ordered us to leave the base."
"I heard you," Daniel muttered, still not lifting his gaze to look at his teammates. "So, I'll go home."
"Ah, ca'mon Daniel, the colonel's offering to buy us dinner. How often does that happen. Anywhere we want to go to eat," Sam declared with enthusiasm. "Well, except maybe O'Malley's."
"Right. And I won't take no for an answer," Jack stated, coming around the desk and tugging on Daniel's arm to pull him up.
"I won't be very good company," Daniel stated, reluctantly standing.
"Doesn't matter. I'm sure Teal'c will regale us with enough small talk to keep us entertained."
Daniel caught Teal'c arching his eyebrow out the corner of his eye before he focused his gaze to the floor. "Yeah, I'm certain he can," Daniel said softly, allowing Jack to herd him from his office.
As Daniel had warned, dinner was a failure. True to his word, he had said very little, speaking only when needed and avoided eye contact with his three teammates whenever possible. Three torturous hours later, Daniel reluctantly found himself being escorted into his apartment building and to the elevator by three over-protective shadows. Somehow, he realized this was not the hoped for freedom in solitude he was seeking.
When he unlocked his apartment door, Jack breezed by to enter first, followed by Sam. Teal'c stood behind Daniel, patiently waiting in the hallway.
"Why don't you guys come in for coffee, or something," Daniel muttered, as he entered his living room, Teal'c protectively following after he shut the door.
Stepping down into the sunken living room, Daniel saw Sam and Jack already seated watching him intently.
"Okay, so you've probably figured out this wasn't just a social evening," Jack declared becoming serious. "We'd like you to tell us what's going on and we're not leaving until you do."
Daniel sighed loudly, as he set his keys on the countertop. "Fine," he declared sharply, walking toward his bedroom. "Make yourselves at home. You know where everything is." He said this last just before slamming the door to the bedroom behind him. A second later the soft click of the lock could be heard.
"That went well, sir," Carter commented archly, after the three friends shared a few seconds of silence. "Daniel's apparently not in the mood for sharing," she added, staring at the closed door.
"Ya think," Jack offered.
"Perhaps it would be wise for us to depart, O'Neill. DanielJackson wishes his solitude."
After a few more minutes of contemplative silence, Jack finally shrugged his shoulders in defeat and stood. Sam also stood and walked over to the closed door. "Daniel, we're leaving now. Please call us if you need to talk, okay?"
Only the silence of the closed door greeted her offer. She rejoined her two teammates and as a group they took leave of their friend's apartment.
//The evil of my subconscious is too strong to resist. The only way to win is to deny it battle..//
//You must lose your burden before you find your own way again..//
Daniel sat on the hardwood floor of his bedroom, knees drawn up, hands lying limply in his lap, his back resting against the closed and locked door. He heard the sounds of his friend's departure but wasn't willing to venture out just yet. Sitting here, on the floor in the dark, suited him just fine. He did have a lot of thinking to do that was true. It was down which path his musings would lead him that frightened him so much. Sighing loudly, Daniel rested his head in his hands. It was going to be a long four days of self-analysis. Because of the dream, he had seen a part of himself no one should have to see. But seeing how easily his darker self could influence him, Daniel realized the battle with himself would be all the more trying. The struggle to not engage his subconscious would be a difficult one. No wonder Shifu did not wish to be aware of, or remember, his genetic Goa'uld heritage. Oma Desalla was wise, Shifu was very brave and Sha're would be proud of the strength and courage possessed by her son. Knowing it was the coward's way, Daniel wished he could forget, too. But it was time he listened to what Oma Desalla had tried to tell him on Kheb and, again, today via Shifu as her messenger.
****
Four days later...
Daniel stood before the closed door knowing what he had to do. Even so, he had stood here in the empty base corridor for several minutes reluctant to proceed. General Hammond had told him Sam and Jack were inside, cloistered in the colonel's office. The two officers were engaged in earnest discussion deciding which planets on the gate schedule would be selected for SG1's upcoming missions. During his four days of contemplation, Daniel realized he would have to eventually talk to his friends, tell them something to allay their concern for him or they would pester him forever. Worse yet, he may be placed on down time, or be forced to talk to McKenzie. The latter option was unacceptable to him and had been what finally convinced him this was the correct decision. Daniel decided to speak to Jack and Sam in generalizations about the teaching of Shifu's dream, and much as he disliked it, lie when he had to. The specifics he would keep to himself, he fervently hoped, forever. Daniel raised his fist to knock and heard his friends muffled voices abruptly cut off.
"Come," Jack's voice invited.
Daniel pushed the door open slowly, and stood framed in the entranceway, hesitant, and looking very uncertain of his welcome.
"Hey," he greeted softly, barely above a whisper, his contrite gaze quickly shifting away from his two teammates to the concrete floor.
"Hey, Daniel. Come in," Jack said warmly waving for the younger man to enter.
Daniel did so, closing the door behind him before sitting in a vacant chair facing opposite from Jack and Sam. "I wanted to, um, to apologize for my bad behavior the other day."
"No need," Jack dismissed the apology. "We probably came on a little strong, we were crowding your space. I think subtlety was called for. Which, by the way, both Carter and Teal'c pointed out to me in great detail on our drive back to the base to get her car."
"We were just concerned for you, Daniel," Sam offered with sincerity.
"I know. I did, and still do, have a lot to think about. What I'm doing, what I need to change within myself, what path my life is taking."
Jack's eyebrows arched at this confession but Carter spoke first. "Wow, all of that from a dream?"
Daniel looked over to her a ghost of a grin on his face. "It was a very revealing dream."
He looked back to Jack, his grin fading. "Look, I came here to talk to you knowing you'll be discrete." //Within you is the capacity for trust.// Daniel resumed speaking. "I'm trusting you to not let any of this go beyond this room. By talking to you, I won't have to talk to anyone else."
"So, okay," Jack agreed. "I'm glad you realized you can tell us anything. But, Daniel, I have to ask," he said, leaning forward. "Do you remember any of it?"
"Some. The Goa'uld technology is gone." Daniel quieted, watching to see if his lie would be believed.
"Good," Sam stated, relieved. "We can let the Tok'Ra know they don't have to return."
Daniel arched his brows, questioning. "What?"
"Oh, Aldwin wanted to hook you up to that brain scooper and shift through your mind, see if anything of value from Shifu could be found. I basically told him to go to hell. Hammond backed me up, by the way," Jack declared with a satisfied smirk.
Daniel ohhed silently. "Well, thanks for that." Inwardly, he was relieved to hear this news. Daniel had feared he would be subjected to the Tok'Ra zatarc devise, or interrogated by someone from NID. Apparently, Jack and General Hammond had decided otherwise.
"So, I have to ask," Sam continued. "The dream, it was important, wasn't it?"
Daniel nodded his head. "Yes, very important. As Shifu told you, he was teaching me. The true nature of a man is decided in the battle between his conscious mind and the desires of the subconscious. The only way to win is to deny it battle."
"Okay," Jack said, "that's what Shifu said. What does it mean?"
"What it means, Jack, is I apparently have a lot of bad stuff repressed in my subconscious. Shifu gave me a glimpse of the genetic knowledge of the Goa'uld. With that knowledge also came the evil of the Goa'uld, the evil from which absolute power is derived. It made me feel important. It made me feel omnipotent. The fact I enjoyed possessing it so much really frightens me."
"Well, isn't that a good thing, Daniel?" Sam asked. "The fact you recognize it and can deal with it? Not engage it in battle as Shifu said?"
"Ahh yeah, right, what Sam said," Jack chimed in. "We all have those dark parts of ourselves we don't want anyone to see, Daniel. Believe me, this I know. But I also know you. You can handle it."
"No, Jack," Daniel denied. "I didn't handle it, not at all. I allowed the evil to control me. I never resisted. I accepted. I engaged in the battle and I lost. That was what Shifu was trying to teach me." He paused and addressed his next words to Carter. "Sam, I don't think you realize the implication of what I'm saying. I craved the recognition. I wanted to feel important. I liked being the one in charge, giving the orders, having you and Jack and everyone else here at the SGC being subservient to me, bowing to all my desires and my demands. It wasn't very pretty."
"Daniel, it was just a dream."
"No, it was more than that. Don't you see, Sam, if I didn't have these desires, these cravings within me to begin with, the Goa'uld knowledge wouldn't have influenced me to the extent it did."
"So, okay," Jack began, then paused, confusion etched on his face. "You're saying you want to be in charge of the SGC?" he asked.
"No, Jack, of course not. You're focusing on the literal interpretation, not the metaphorical," Daniel explained with some irritation. //You never were that bright.// Dismayed the dream insult came to the fore, Daniel shook his head hoping it would vanish. Why couldn't he forget like Shifu, especially those hateful words said with the deliberate intention of demeaning and belittling the best friend he ever had?
Daniel stood and began pacing in the cramped space, his arms wrapped tightly around himself. "I've been denying my feelings about a lot of things for a long time. Now I have to face that reality and find a way to either cope or allow myself to be guided by them." He stopped pacing and faced his two seated friends. "I have a deep resentment that I can't tell the world my theories about the pyramids and Egyptian culture were true. That I can't vindicate myself, publicly, to my peers. That I can't have the recognition I feel I deserve."
"But, Daniel, that's to be expected, that's a natural desire," Sam stated. " And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be recognized for your achievements. We all want that..."
"I know. But you accept them. And so do you, Jack, and everyone else here at the SGC. The President, the Joint Chiefs accept them. Yours are the opinions that matter. Shouldn't that be enough?" Daniel asked, dismayed.
Sam started to answer then sat back, frowning. Daniel immediately recognized her expression. Sam was beginning to doubt what he was telling them, deducing he wasn't being entirely forthcoming. So a change in tactics was needed, deal only with Jack.
Daniel continued speaking. "To answer your question, Jack, I want to be the one in charge of what the prime mission of the stargate should be, not the one following orders. You know since I've been here that I just can't bend myself to the military mind set. If I was in charge, I wouldn't have to. I'd certainly be able to conduct more archeological investigations, meaning of life stuff, what I consider to be of prime importance. Apparently, I really resent being a civilian trying to be pigeonholed in this military operation."
"Okay," Jack said. "But that's nothing new. We've all known that from the beginning. I think for the most part, you've handled it okay. You've been very tolerant of us military types, Daniel."
Daniel saw Jack offer him a smile of comfort and understanding. "Maybe," Daniel dismissed the offered comfort and resumed his pacing.
"What else has you so upset?" Jack asked.
Daniel easily sensed Jack's desire to keep him talking. "Well, if we learn any lesson from this it's that we can't use the Goa'uld's own evil against them. We have to find another way to defeat them. A tactic that does not involve Shifu, or, me. After what I've seen, I understand why he doesn't want to remember his Goa'uld half."
"I can buy into that," Jack agreed. "The kid's entitled to live his own life. Will make it harder for us to kick their snake ass butts, but its doable. Anything else?"
"Yes. I have to lose my hatred for the Goa'uld, lose my desire for revenge." //You hate the Goa'uld.// //The Goa'uld are responsible for the death of my wife among millions and millions of other people. How can I not hate them?// //Your hate will lead to the child's death.// Daniel ceased his pacing and faced Jack and Sam again. "I can't carry this darkness within me as I travel the great path."
"Okay, you've lost me again," Jack confessed, holding up both of his hands. "What path, where are you going?"
"I don't know. Metaphorical, Jack, not literal, remember?" //You never were that bright.// Daniel shook his head. Why can't he forget that? Jack may not be book smart, but he was intelligent in so many other ways. Jack was not stupid. Frustrating at times, yes, but not stupid.
"What, you're saying is you have to leave the SGC to go on this path to where ever?" Jack asked, his face a mask of confusion.
Daniel grinned as he returned to sit in his vacated chair. "No, Jack, I can't leave the SGC. But you'll have to tolerate more of my pacifist tendencies, I'm afraid." //I'm finally taking your position. Let's build weapons. Let's kick some Goa'uld ass. Because it's me saying it, suddenly I'm a bad guy?// Daniel refocused on the older man. "I have to leave the Goa'uld ass kicking to you. Apparently, you believe it's not in my nature. And I can't be the one who deliberately seeks out and finally kills Apophis," Daniel said with a hint of sorrow, for being denied the opportunity to exact his revenge on the Goa'uld responsible for so much of his personal anguish and sorrow. Yet the image of killing a kneeling, begging Apophis with a ribbon device, and the satisfaction the act gave him, was very vivid in his mind.
"I'm glad you realize that, Daniel," Jack said with understanding. "I always considered killing Apophis my job, so you wouldn't have to stain your hands."
Daniel favored Jack with a look of both amazement and gratitude.
"Well, Daniel," Sam finally spoke again. "What exactly did you do in this dream that has you so disturbed?"
Daniel lowered his gaze to the file folders piled on Jack's desk. Damn, Sam had seen through his smoke screen. She was asking for specifics. He had hoped neither of his friends would ask this question. Daniel decided he would lie about retaining the satellite technology, but doubted he could lie about this. "Well, um, I attempted to take over the planet," he answered Sam with the half-truth.
"What?!"
"Just what a Goa'uld would do," Daniel offered as an explanation.
A few moments of silence ensued before Jack spoke up. "So, did you succeed?"
Daniel shrugged his shoulders. "Almost. Problem was, someone stopped me from gaining total domination."
"So, where were we while you were talking over the world?" Jack asked.
Daniel looked up to Jack and renewed his resolve in this moment to never, ever reveal that portion of the dream to anyone. He had already said more than he had intended to on that issue. Standing, he decided to answer by not answering. "Jack, will you always be my friend, no matter what happens?" he asked.
"Of course, Daniel. That's a promise."
"Sam?"
"Always. You know that. Why?"
Daniel turned and paused at the closed door. //You seem to have lost all perspective. Can't you see what you've become?"// //Sir you have to try. Someone has to stop him before its too late.// //Daniel, think of what you're doing.// "There is one absolute truth I learned from the dreaming Shifu gave me."
"Yeah, what's that?" Jack asked.
"No matter what happens, I can rely on both of you to do the right thing, to do what needs to be done."
"What?" Jack asked. "Is that more meta whatever stuff?"
"Yeah. I have to go and talk to Teal'c now. Thanks for listening guys."
"Anytime, Daniel."
The two officers watched as Daniel departed, closing the door behind him.
"Sir, I think Daniel lied to us."
"How's that, Carter."
"Well, I think he does remember all of the dream. And I think he's not telling us everything. He was very evasive, especially just before he left. I can only base my opinion on my experience of carrying Jolinar's memories. They are fragmented, but none of them are fading."
"So, you're saying, Daniel remembers the Goa'uld technology."
Yes, sir I believe so. He only gave us enough insight to what he experienced in the dream so we won't pry any further."
Jack sighed. "This is going to be harder than I thought. I, mean, take over the planet? Daniel? Not possible," he declared not hiding his disbelief.
"I know sir. The question is what exactly did Daniel see himself do?''
"And it's my job to find out."
****
For the second time in the day, Daniel stood before a closed door, his right hand raised, poised to knock. Yet, he hesitated. This entire moment was an all too familiar one of deja vu, as he recalled dream memories from an earlier time.
//DanielJackson. It pleases me greatly, that once again, you value my knowledge.//
Although he realized, Teal'c had never spoken those words to him, Daniel knew they were the right words.
He straightened his shoulders, resolved to go through with this. He had already talked to Jack and Sam about the dreaming Shifu had given him. It was true he lied about the Goa'uld technology but had hoped to keep the images of him hurting his friends to himself. Talking to Jack and Sam he had confessed more than he had intended. Some images, however, he would never reveal. Both Jack and Sam had assured him they would be steadfast in their support of him. Neither believed he could become the monster he had seen in the dream. Daniel took what comfort he could in their belief in him. But Teal'c,.. Confessing to the Jaffa would be so much more difficult. How do you confess to a friend you've been living a lie for almost four years?
Daniel saw his fisted hand waver and begin to lower. Then angry at himself for his weakness and cowardice, he rapped lightly on the metal door.
"Enter." Came the muffled invitation.
Inhaling deeply, Daniel turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. He peered in around it and spied Teal'c where he had expected to see him, sitting cross-legged on the floor, in his familiar Kel-nor-reem pose. The room held a touch of haze and the faint trace aroma of the scented candles as they burned, their soft glow offering a haven of serenity, comfort and security.
"Teal'c, may I speak with you?"
"You are always welcome, DanielJackson." The Jaffa raised his left arm in greeting, beckoning to the scholar.
Daniel entered, closed the door softly behind him then walked over to take up a similar cross-legged pose opposite the seated warrior. Once settled, he found speech eluded him. His eyes focused on the nearest candle flames.
"You are troubled, DanielJackson," Teal'c offered, to initiate the conversation.
"Yes, Teal'c, I am," Daniel confessed, still not looking at his friend.
"It would please me to assist you, if I can."
Daniel nodded his head. "I know. I've always known that."
"You are saddened that once again the son of Sha're has been removed from you."
Daniel glanced upward to look at Teal'c. "Yes," he confirmed. "Shifu is all I have left of Sha're." He lowered his eyes once again.
"That is untrue, DanielJackson. Do you not have the memories of Sha're, your love for Sha're?"
"My hatred for you." The outburst horrified Daniel. This was not how he wanted to address this. He looked at Teal'c feeling his face become ashen. But all he saw on the dark skinned face was a look of understanding and knowing. "Um, Teal'c, I don't, .I mean I didn't... ah, damn."
"Do not apologize, DanielJackson. I am pleased you have finally spoken the truth of what lies between us."
Daniel stared at Teal'c, shocked amazement replacing his self-loathing, followed by a sudden realization. "You've.you've known all along, haven't you?"
Teal'c bowed his head. "I have. One can not carry darkness along the great path." he recited.
Daniel's eyes narrowed and his brow wrinkled. "That's what Oma Desalla told me."
"Yes, as did Shifu. You have carried this burden deep within you and
I have watched you struggle with it these past years."
"Teal'c, I'm so ashamed," Daniel confessed with true remorse. "I consider you my friend. I trust you with my life. I believed this, this, whatever between us, to have been resolved long ago. How can I carry this hatred for you still? How can you trust me now?"
Teal'c smiled in reassurance. "I trust you, DanielJackson. I always have. If you were not a good and honorable man, I would not give this trust freely."
Daniel watched the slight flicker of the nearest candle flames. " I think you consider me a better person than I am. I've wronged you,
Teal'c. I'm sorry. I..I don't expect you to forgive me."
"There is nothing to forgive, DanielJackson. But if you wish it, then I forgive you.'
Daniel shook his head. "No, wait. You have to hear what I saw myself do in Shifu's dream before you offer forgiveness."
"Then proceed, DanielJackson."
Daniel nervously licked his lips before continuing. "Teal'c, my hatred for you fed my desire for revenge. I sent you to your death, knowingly, deliberately, with no remorse, only satisfaction in knowing I was responsible." Daniel became silent, peering up to Teal'c waiting.and waiting for a response. Finally, uncomfortable with the prolonged quiet, he spoke. "Um, Teal'c, did you hear what I
said?"
"I heard DanielJackson and I know it to be untrue."
"But-"
"No, DanielJackson," Teal'c interrupted, lifting one hand to indict silence. "You value life above all else. You are a teacher and a wise man. It is I who has wronged you. Were our positions reversed, I believe I could not find it in myself to forgive you."
"I understand."
"Do you understand why you are a good person. Even after the pain I caused you, you welcomed my participation on SG1, sought my knowledge in many things, taught me of your world and the wonders of the Tau'ri, called me friend. Only a man of great compassion and honor could act so."
"I'm not a saint, Teal'c."
"But are you not wise for one so young?" Teal'c countered. When Daniel did not reply, he continued. "You have heard, and finally understand, the wisdom of both Oma Desalla and the Harseisis child, DanielJackson. You have now begun the journey along the great path. My wish, if you will grant it, is to accompany you on this path. My duty is to do what you can not allow yourself to do. I will carry your hatred for you. I will do battle against the Goa'uld. I will be the one to destroy Apophis for the pain and torment he has brought upon you. "
"I'm not worthy of that Teal'c."
"You are."
Daniel looked at the warrior for many minutes. "Jack said something similar, that he believes it is his duty to kill Apophis."
"O'Neill is wise."
"Yes, he is," Daniel agreed, nodding. "As are you,.my friend," he added with a tiny smile.
"Perhaps one day, you will forgive me, DanielJackson, and I will know great joy."
"That may be many years from now, Teal'c. This hurt is very deep within my soul."
"As it should be. I have much to atone for."
Daniel again looked over the flickering candles to Teal'c watching for what he did not know. "Are you okay with this."
A small smile graced Teal'c's dark lips. "I am okay with this, DanielJackson." He bowed his head, signaling his acceptance, and his deep respect for the archeologist.
Daniel nodded in return and stood. In silence he departed, content with what he had accomplished.
****
Jack stood in the tunnel-like hallway outside Daniel's office/lab. Taking advantage of the shadows, he watched the archeologist. Daniel sat unmoving at his desk, his hands wrapped around some alien clay pot. From what Jack could see, it was the same clay pot Daniel had been attempting to decipher after Shifu left. Apparently, Daniel was making as much progress on translating the squiggles engraved on the surface as he had in his previous attempt, which was none at all. Knowing he was accomplishing nothing lurking in the dark corridor, Jack moved to the lab's open doorway.
"Hey," he greeted loudly, striding into the office, pausing long enough to close the door behind him ensuring privacy. Jack walked over to the opposite side of the desk, turning the empty chair around and straddling it, his arms resting on the backrest. He knew the only way to get Daniel's attention was to be in his line of sight and get in this face. He had seen Daniel start at his vocal entrance, but quickly regain his composure, his fingers tightening around the alien pot, his eyes studiously pointed downward.
"Isn't that the same whatever you were looking at a few days ago?" Jack asked, initiating conversation. When he didn't get a reply, he continued. "Making as much headway now as then, I'd guess. Got ya stumped?" Daniel still did not reply, nor did he give any acknowledgement of his visitor's presence. Okay, Jack, thought let's just get right to the matter at hand. "You know, Carter is a bit put off that you lied to us earlier today."
This did get Daniel's attention. He glanced over to Jack, face blushing in embarrassment, then he looked down once again. "Yeah, I'll go apologize to her. I know you want to help, but." he drifted off.
"This dreaming thing's got you pretty scared, huh," Jack plowed on. Daniel only nodded his head in reply. "And you can't tell me why?"
"I've already told you too much, Jack."
Jack waited for Daniel to continue but the archeologist remained silent. The older man reached over a hand and laid in on top of the pot, in Daniel's direct line of sight. "Was it so bad that you can't at least tell me? Just between the two of us, no one else ever has to know."
Daniel raised his gaze, his haunted eyes looking directly to Jack. "It was that bad and I can't even tell you."
The silence was long and heavy. Jack decided not to give up just yet tightening his fingers over the top of the pot. "Teal'c's as tight lipped as you are. He won't tell me what you two talked about. He said it was "a personal matter between myself and DanielJackson." Jack waited, expectant, and hopeful. "Daniel?"
Daniel sighed and lessened his grip around the pot. "You're just not going to leave it alone, are you, Jack?'
"Nope, part of my colonel job description. Give me something, anything. Daniel, let me help you through this. Please."
"Okay," Daniel said, surrendering. They both simultaneously released their hold on the pot. "I did lie to you and Sam. I do remember all of the dream, even the Goa'uld technology."
Jack nodded his head. "Carter believed that you did because of her experience with Jolinar's memories. You lied for the same reason you wouldn't allow Shifu to be brain scooped, right?"
"Oma has taught Shifu to forget. I was afraid if he was forced to remember, if I was forced to remember, I could be over come by the evil inherent in the Goa'uld genetic memories and become the monster I saw in the dream."
Jack nodded his head. "Okay, that could be scary. Still, that technology may come in handy some day."
"You won't." Daniel began, his face blanching in fear.
"No, no," Jack quickly assured. "It'll be our little secret."
"But what about your prime mission for the Stargate program."
"What about it? We've obtained the technology, we just won't use it yet, if ever. If, and when, we need it, well, as Master Bra'tac says, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." As Jack hoped, this elicited a grin from Daniel.
"What about General Hammond?"
"He said himself your well being was the overriding purpose here. We'll tell him eventually, maybe."
So okay, Jack thought, Daniel was going to keep a lot of what he had dreamed a secret. For now, Jack decided he could live this. At least, Daniel had revealed as much as he had-a major feat in itself. Jack continued to watch as Daniel once again picked up the pot and studied it, his thumbs brushing over the inscriptions.
"Daniel."
The archeologist looked up.
"I'm sorry Shifu decided he couldn't stay here, or at least, stay a while longer."
Great sorrow reflected from Daniel's face. "Yeah, me too."
"You know, Shifu's a lucky kid, all things considered." Daniel remained silent, but "how?" was clearly expressed on his face. "Well, think about it. He had a beautiful mom, both in body and spirit, he carries her soul. He's got a kick ass step mom who's got him headed in the right direction. Most importantly, he's got a terrific step dad who loves and protects him and will guide him with advice and example when the going gets rough. Can't get much better than that."
"You really believe that?"
"Hey, I know it. You'll make a great dad, Daniel. You want to know why?" In answer, Daniel nodded his head. "Because," Jack continued, "you know when to hold on and when to let go. Your decisions about him have all been guided by what is in Shifu's best interest, regardless how it affected you. And I don't care what that dream showed you. I know you. You keep your promises, no matter what. You always look for the good in everything, no matter how much grief I give you about it at times. You stand firm in what you believe in. You're loyal to your friends. I can go on if you like."
"I hear you Jack. I just wish I could believe it."
Jack saw that haunted look flicker once again in Daniel's blue eyes. Oh, yeah, definitely a very scary, scary dream.
"Believe it, Daniel. You think because of what you saw in that dream you're a bad person. The fact you're sitting here four days later agonizing over it proves me right. A bad person wouldn't care. You do." There was a slight pause and Jack decided to guide the conversation to another topic. "So Daniel," the older man continued in a lighter tone, "why do you think Shifu came to visit us at this exact moment?"
"Well, to be truthful, I hadn't thought much on why," Daniel confessed, his brow wrinkling in contemplation. "Maybe to guide me from the wrong path back to the right path. To show me the path not taken. To let us know he's not the salvation for victory over the Goa'uld we had hoped he would be."
"That sounds good to me," Jack concurred. "Want to know what I think?" he asked.
"What?"
"I think Shifu wanted to come and visit the person who delivered him into this galaxy. The person who held him safe in his hands as he drew his first breath. The person who made it his business to see he would be kept away from Apophis clutches and protected."
Daniel blushed again, this time due to the praise Jack had bestowed upon him. "Maybe," was all he would say.
"Yeah, or maybe he just wanted to show you he was okay and that you needed to move on to other.things."
"Shifu told me the path I had chosen had lead to him, that my hatred for the Goa'uld put him in danger. It was the same message Oma Desalla tried to teach me on Kheb. I didn't listen then, but now, I know I can't go that way. I have to chose a new path, and this one will honor Sha're's strength."
"Good. I hope I'm around to see you reach whatever it is you're traveling to. So," Jack straightened clapping his hands. "Is the lecture over? Cos I don't know about you, but I need some fresh air. How bout you come with me topside? Might clear your brain enough to get that pot thingy translated."
"Okay," Daniel agreed, standing.
"Really?" Jack responded, as he stood as well. He had expected to have his invitation turned down.
"Yeah, really. I could use some fresh air. But I'm not telling you anymore about the dream," Daniel warned, wagging his finger, but his smile indicated he was playful serious.
"Okay," Jack agreed, as they walked to the door. "But if you ever change your mind."
"I know where to find you." Daniel opened the door and moved into the corridor. He waited for Jack to join him as they walked side by side down the hallway, "Thanks, Jack. I was right about one thing in the dream."
"What?"
"You are a very bright person."
"You think so?" Jack beamed, pleased with the compliment.
"I know so. Do me a favor, Jack?" Daniel asked as the two friends stopped in front of the elevator, waiting for the car to arrive.
"Sure."
"If I ever want to bet on any Las Vegas odds, don't let me. And don't let me buy two thousand dollar bottles of champagne either, okay?"
"Sure, Daniel," Jack assured, even though he was totally bewildered. "Want to tell me why?"
The elevator door opened and Daniel stepped in. Jack joined him. "Apparently, you don't like champagne."
El Fin
© March 8, 2001 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.