Payback is a bitch.

I should have known this would happen, should have seen it coming. Shoulda known they wouldn’t let it go. After all, they took it so hard.

Teal’c, I was surprised about – but then he’s a straight-laced warrior type, honor and all that. No room for deception, even for a good reason. A very good reason. Come on, guys, give me a break.

Carter – well, Carter is your basic military, but corrupted by all that sensitive science stuff. Okay, fine. But did she have to look so….crushed?

And Daniel. Oh boy, Daniel. I really didn’t want to hurt him, but what the heck was I supposed to do? The house was *bugged*, for cryin’ out loud. Was I supposed to say "oh, hi, Daniel, thanks for coming by. I’m sorry about all that stuff on the Tollans’ world and at the base, but you see I’m trying to infiltrate this pirate group, and I’m expecting them to contact me at any moment, so could we maybe do this in a few weeks?" I’m sure that would have had Maybourne at my door in a hurry. Not.

I think I put on a pretty good show, myself, but no one’s giving me any credit.

I come back through the Stargate, after risking my life to save an alliance, and what do I get? The cold shoulder from my entire team.

Sweet.

I have to hand it to them though. Any doubts that they *could* do covert are wiped from my mind. They deserve Oscars, all of them.

They really had me convinced they’d forgiven me. That Daniel’s straw-drawing crack and a week of frozen glares was all I was getting. Then they started talking to me again, gradually but surely, got my guard good and down.

First mission out, after a week of watching probe images and other super-boring data, I’m itching to feel that icy wormhole, go shoot up some Goa’uld, anything. Just get me off the planet, ya know?

0900 and we’re set to go. Carter was up late reviewing the data, she’s real excited – practically prancing up the ramp, chattering on about some kind of anomaly. Daniel’s listening to her intently, and Teal’c just checking his weapons.

We come through, beautiful lush green planet. Sun shining, thick bushes, tons of trees. A bit on the chilly side, but still nice and green. Cakewalk.

We split up, and Teal’c and I head into the nearest bunch of trees. We walk a little ways, and I see a couple of trees that look like they’ve been burned. Charred. I stop to take a look, and suddenly Teal’c’s not ahead of me anymore. I figure he must have seen something interesting too, but there’s a nagging twinge in the back of my scalp. I grab my radio. "Teal’c?"

Nothing. "Carter?"

Nothing. "Daniel?"

I run back out of the trees, take a couple wrong turns and finally get back to the clearing where the Stargate is. Just in time to see the wormhole vanish.

Nice.

Grumbling under my breath – OK, maybe not under my breath, but it’s not like there’s anyone around to hear it – I go over to the DHD. I reach into my pack for my transmitter, and in its place is… a disposable camera.

Real nice.

So once again I’m stuck on the outside of the gate and can’t get home.

This is getting old fast.

As I’m pondering the fact that I’m stranded here in this too-cool-to-be-tropical jungle, I notice that the sky has gotten pretty dark. It starts to rain. Hard. Cold. Big, big, very large drops of freezing cold rain. I reach back into my pack for my waterproofs.

Note to self: never allow gear to be packed by a pissed-off Jaffa.

My shirts are already soaked through, so I head to the trees to look for shelter. The leaves are somewhat protective, but I figure if I go a little further in I might find some bigger ones, with bigger leaves. Bigger leaves – more shelter.

I find a tree with passable leaves and a semi-dry trunk and sit down under it, to open up my pack and see what, exactly, Teal’c did give me. Hmmm – about 2 weeks worth of rations. Looks like I’m going to be here awhile. Okay, fine. I can play this game. When they come back, they will find Mr. Positive relaxed and enjoying his tropical vacation. I take out one of the MRE’s. Mmmmmmm – Macaroni and cheese – my favorite. I bite into it, chewing noisily and whistling defiantly between bites to keep away the shivers.

Ya know, Daniel’s right – these *do* all taste like chicken…

What was that? That sounded close.

A second huge crack sounds like an M16 going off inside my ear. A blinding flash follows and I roll aside just in time. The tree I was leaning against is now splintered in two, and smoking. Lightning. Go figure.

Okay Jackster – trees were a bad idea. Time to get out of them, and run like hell. On your feet, Airman. Only problem, the rain has washed away the trail, all the trees look the same (except for the smoking ones) and I can’t remember which was the direction I came from. I’m really starting to miss that good old Iraqi desert right about now….

Another crack and a tree trunk lands just in front of me with a splashing thud. I jump back and make a right turn. There’s a break in the treeline up ahead. I run for it as fast as I can.

OOPS. The treeline broke and so did the landline.

As I tumble down the steep muddy slope head over butt, I decide I probably should have just stayed in bed this morning. There’s a rather large looking rock coming right at me…

I wake slowly, manage to roll over and get my face out of the mud. I open my right eye – the left seems to be swollen shut – and promptly close it as it fills with muddy water. It’s still raining. My right ankle is broken – why is it always my right leg that gets hurt? – and there’s a lump the size of a football over my left eye. The parts of me that aren’t hurting are numb with cold, and my teeth are chattering very loudly, which makes my head hurt even more.

I definitely should not have gotten out of bed.

I hear voices in the distance calling my name. "Colonel! Jack!" Sam and Daniel? I thought mirages only happened in the desert. Oh well, go with it.

I’m down here, kids.

I think I said that out loud. Anyway, if they’re real they’ll find me.

"He’s over here!"

Yup, they found me. Sam’s checking my pulse. I open my eye and try to lift my head. Bad idea. I put it back down and wait for Sam’s face to stop spinning. "Is it two weeks already?"

Daniel’s face appears beside Sam’s. "Jack, it’s been two *hours*."

"Oh. Why are you back so soon?"

"Daniel Jackson and Major Carter felt remorse," Teal’c rumbles in a tone that clearly indicates he does not share the sentiment. His face, above the other two radiates disapproval; the corners of his mouth turned down like an arch. "On Chu’lak, you would have been left in the valley of the fire ants, until-"

"Teal’c." Sam interrupts him sternly and turns back to me. "Thank goodness we put that homing device in your pack – we never would have found you! The MALP data indicated the constant rain, but we didn’t discover the lightning till after we got back, and-"

"Smoking trees," I explain.

"Yes." She frowns. "I don’t know why all that electricity didn’t show up on the preliminary data…"

I tune her out, and decide this would be a good time to go back to sleep.

Another blinding light – Dr Frasier waking me up yet again to make sure I’m not in a coma. She had a wonderful time after the last wake up call patching me up – I still don’t know why I had to be conscious for it – some nonsense about the dangers behind concussions. Fortunately one of the shots was a painkiller, and I’m feeling pretty good right now. It’s very nice to be warm and dry. Oh, and my ankle isn’t broken – it’s just a sprain. I’m really gonna try for the left leg next time...

My teammates shuffle in and stand at the foot of the bed. Well, Teal’c doesn’t shuffle. And he still looks displeased. Daniel and Sam look very contrite, however, especially as Janet tells them frostily to make it quick, the Colonel needs to rest.

"Hey kids." I wave at them and smile.

Daniel gives me a tentative smile back. "Hi Jack – how are you feeling?"

"Just peachy – you should try this stuff." I wink at Janet. She’s not amused.

"So, we even?" I ask. Daniel and Sam exchange guilty glances. Teal’c glowers, but it seems less intense. Then again, it could be the drugs, and we still have an appointment on Chu’lak. Whatever.

I inform Janet that she should do MRIs on all of them to determine the cause of their behavior, and then close my eyes to go back to sleep.

Welcome home, SG1.

The End

© February 29, 2000 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.