CATEGORY : Snippet/Tag for "Need" H/C/Smarm/1st

I couldn’t hold him tighter if I tried.

It’s like I’m willing him to keep his sanity together by physically imprisoning his body in my arms.

A few minutes ago he was pointing a gun at my head. A few minutes ago the thought flickered through that brain of his to kill me.

He wouldn’t have done it...no way. At least that was the gamble I took when I sat there and made myself the sitting duck of all time.

Sure, his finger was firmly wrapped around the trigger but even when those wild eyes blinked at me from behind the gun barrel, I knew he was still with me. The kid might be hanging on to reality by his fingernails but at least he’s trying.

It was one hell of a shock; watching him as he spat those words in my face in the mines, seeing him lording it over me in those damned "royal robes" of his in the throne room. It’s not like I haven’t seen Daniel lose it before, but this was truly spectacular, even in Jack O’Neill terms.

Jesus...I was pissed at him back on that planet. Even though I knew what was going on with Shyla, I still felt like the blame was all his. That Daniel was just way too smart to fall victim to the weaknesses and fallabilities that affect us "regular" people. Not exactly logical thinking I know, but this is *Daniel* and, tough as I am on him, I suppose I’ve always been....how can I put it....in awe of him.

I’ll be damned if I’ll ever tell him that.

And so here I am, wrapping my arms around him and getting the chance to be the smart one for once - the one in the right - the one with all the answers. For the first time I know a whole lot more about something than Daniel, unfortunately for me it’s not something I can take any pride in. This is something I wish I were still ignorant about and definitely something Daniel should have never had to learn. What he has facing him in the next couple of days is something I remember all too well.

So what exactly have I done in bringing someone like Daniel to this point? Because I *am* responsible for him, I have been from the first moment we stepped on Abydos. How many times since then have I let him get hurt...and I don’t just mean physically either? I’m casually introducing him to these situations and expect him to be immune just because his IQ is higher than mine.

Wake up call Jack, this boy may be smart but he’s not superhuman.

He’s saved my life.......saved the goddamned planet for Christ’s sake and all I do is lead him on to the next horror, watch him willingly sacrifice yet another part of himself.

There’s going to come a time when he realises how much he’s lost. Then he’ll lose whatever it is that makes him have so much faith in me. If....or more likely, *when* that happens, I’ll find myself saying goodbye to my best friend.

I can just imagine the open-mouthed shock on his face if I ever told him I think of him as my best friend when he must be so aware of the gulf that divides us as people. Daniel is, whether by fate or design (and contrary to popular belief) an independent man. The fact that he’s at my side in SG-1 is proof that he has his own mind, unmoved by the opinions or approval of others. On the other side of the coin, I’ve spent so many years taking orders and following protocol I don’t think there’s an original thought in my head. I know Daniel tries to compromise when it comes to me, I can practically hear him breaking down his sentences to words of two syllables or less as he talks to me. He might think of me as a leader, but his *best* friend? Why would he?

From my perspective, Daniel’s the one person I have always been myself with. Never the Colonel, never the fellow warrior, never the cocky sub-ordinate...just Jack. He saw me at my worst on Abydos, gave me a reason to continue, hell, he gave me the comeback of all time! Retirement wasn’t *exactly* working out to be the sweet deal I was hoping for anyway.

From his perspective...... I guess I’m the down side of his new career. Your stereotypical dumb-ass flyboy with absolutely no appreciation for anything he considers worthwhile. I’m always going to be a little short-handed when it comes to the high moral road, hell I have enough trouble with truth, justice and the American way. Not exactly best friend material for your average intellectual.

I feel him shift in my arms; his breath coming in short gulps as the crying stops.

Kinda reminds me of Charlie.

I close my eyes and offer the same comfort to Daniel as I gave my son in what seems like a lifetime ago, rocking him as I stroke his hair soothingly.

Before this is over I’ve got a feeling we’ll learn a whole lot more about each other. There are still a few things he doesn’t know about me, about my past, that’ll help him deal with the next few days. I might not have been there for him back on Shyla’s planet but I’m here for him now....and however long he needs me.

© March 27, 2001 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.