• SPOILERS: Too many to list—basically everything up to Full Circle
• SUMMARY: The title tells the basics, and the rest is about how everyone copes with Daniel’s return. Jack has difficulty with it.
• RATING: PG, possibly PG-13 Drama, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Action/Adventure in parts. Warning: 1. This fic only works if you pretend you have never seen Full Circle. 2. Because of my personal frustration with Jack’s superhuman ability to stuff his emotional responses to incredibly hard emotional circumstances, I take Jack to the emotional edge in this fic and push him over the cliff. If you don’t buy into Jack “going there”, this fic might not be for you.

Chapter One

The four members of SG-1 emerged from the Stargate on P4X-449 and immediately felt the humidity soak into their skin, which was getting dry from the late October crispness of a Colorado autumn.

“Boy, it’s a jungle out here! Anybody see any signs of a path we can follow?” Colonel O’Neill, leader of SG-1, asked his teammates as he craned his head to look around.

The out-pouching of the event horizon when the Gate activated had given the team a small clearing to stand in. The Gate on the planet was located smack in the middle of a jungle—an overgrown jungle at that. Large vines entwined the circle of the gate and were severed in places where the wormhole had been. Apparently, no one had been here for quite some time. Large green leaves and moss covered the DHD.

“There appears to be less developed vegetation in that direction.” Teal’c observed pointing in the direction where he had noticed the change. “Perhaps it is the remnant of a trail through the jungle, leading to civilization.”

“Okay, good enough for me, let’s move out,” said Jack O’Neill, indicating for Teal’c to lead the way.

The UAV had searched for miles in several directions but because of the density of the canopy, Samantha Carter and her research techs had been unable to determine if there were any signs of civilization. Ever the scientist, she had overseen several attempts to maneuver the UAV through the jungle at a lower altitude but they hadn’t been successful. Since there was nothing obviously threatening, General Hammond had acquiesced to Major Carter’s desire to explore the area on foot to gather anything in the rainforest that might be useful for scientific or medical research. Colonel O’Neill was willing to search for any signs of a civilization—for a while anyway. It would be his homage to Daniel Jackson—archaeologist, anthropologist—who would have begged and cajoled for the chance to visit the planet in search of something or someone he could study.

Most of the time as they made their way along the remnant of a trail, Teal’c and the others were able to sweep the vegetation aside. But every so often Teal’c didn’t hesitate to take a rhythmic swipe with a machete at whatever foliage blocked their way. Teal’c, looking every bit the warrior that he was, was a scary sight wielding a machete. Jack was glad they were on the same side.

The sounds of the jungle were quite similar to Earth’s jungles, a cacophony of differently pitched noises coming from all directions. In the heat, there was a lot going on that they could hear but not see.

“Baby, it’s WARM outside,” commented Jack in a singsong way, soon after they began hiking.

“And isn’t it a refreshing change?” replied Major Carter, smiling.

“Yeah, tell me that after spending an hour in this humidity,” Jack said smirking back at her.

“I like it, Sir. You have to admit, it sure doesn’t feel like today is Halloween when you’re making your way through a jungle. It’s a holiday you think of with autumn leaves, crisp weather, dry climate—”

An hour later, their faces were dripping with sweat, and their clothes were wet under their vests. Teal’c bore it with his usual silent stoicism, but Jonas Quinn, still new to off world exploration, was not handling it well.

“Boy, I’m really uncomfortable with this,” he said.

“Better get used to it, happens all the time with Gate travel. Even happens with travel on Earth, come to think of it,” Jack replied. “All part of the job, Jonas.”

“Oh, I’m not complaining, Colonel, just observing.”

“Ah.” Jack said under his breath, taking a drink of water from his canteen. “Make sure you all keep drinking,” he said.

They traveled some more in silence when a thought occurred to Jack, “So…you think there are snakes around here?”

Carter replied, “It’s hard to say, Sir. The Amazon Rainforest is full of them, however Hawaii and New Zealand both have rainforested areas but they have no snakes at all.”

“Aren’t those islands, Major? Maybe that has something to do with the no-snake thing.”

“Oh! Good observation, Sir. I didn’t think of that,” Carter said. Jack smiled, pleased with himself for getting one up on Carter.

“But that means, there probably are snakes around then,” she continued.

“Great,” Jack said rolling his eyes. “I HATE snakes!” he said, unaware that he’d done a dead-on imitation of Indiana Jones.

Carter laughed.

“What’s so funny, Major?” he growled.

“Nothing, Sir. You just reminded me of someone, that’s all,” she said grinning.

From then on, Jack watched every step he took, looking all around, just to make sure nothing was slithering around underfoot. Every so often he would whip his head around at some insect-on-steroids noise he’d heard. Why is it that every friggin’ planet has to have BUGS? Especially big honkin’ bugs? He looked over at Teal’c hoping he wouldn’t see any quite as big as the one that had once nailed him, turning the Jaffa into a medium for growing more of them.

Teal’c must have been reading his mind because he caught the look O’Neill was giving him and replied, “I will not enjoy this journey if we must fend off any insects similar to the mosquitoes you have in Minnesota, O’Neill.”

Jack smiled as he replied, “I was thinking of some that were a little more problematic than Minnesota’s state bird.”

Teal’c raised his eyebrow. “I was unaware of any insect life that would cause a bigger problem than mosquitoes.”

Now it was Jack’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

The next half hour was spent mostly in silence until Carter broke in. “Sir, I think there’s something up ahead. I can sort of see something through the foliage.”

“Is it a snake?” asked Jack.

Carter smiled. “No, Sir, I think it’s a building.” Carter squinted trying to get a better view through the foliage. “I can barely see it but it looks like if we deviate off this way a little, we’ll come to it,” she added as she gestured in the direction where she’d seen the structure.

Jack nodded as they turned to go where Carter had indicated. There was no path remaining now, so Teal’c had to hack back the jungle with every step they took, slowing their progress significantly.

“Say, Teal’c, would you mind if I tried that?” Jonas asked, pointing to Teal’c’s machete.

Teal’c handed it to him. Jonas took the lead and started hacking away, imitating Teal’c. Teal’c took the opportunity to drink nearly all his water.

“Thirsty, eh?” Jack observed as he walked past his stationary friend.

Teal’c looked at him but didn’t stop drinking. When he was finished, he took O’Neill’s place, bringing up the rear.

Eventually, SG-1 intersected a less overgrown track than the original trail. It still hadn’t been used for some time but was clear enough to follow more easily. Although the foliage brushed them as they walked, they didn’t have to sweep any aside. Beneath them, they stepped on dead leaves with new plants pushing up through the detritus.

The trail led to a small clearing, just big enough to contain a rectangular building with a pitched roof, like a typical building on almost any continent on Earth. The building itself was less familiar looking.

“Whoa. A little busy, don’tcha think?” observed Jack when he saw all the painted decorations and intricate carvings on every inch of the exterior. “What were these people thinking?”

Jack realized he’d been kind of waiting for a response. He was somewhat surprised when one didn’t come until he realized from whom he’d been waiting for said response.

Damn it, Jack! When are you gonna stop thinking about…

Damn it, Daniel! Jack shook off the thought and carried on with scouting the building and area. He came upon Jonas standing back and looking at the roofline with its intricately carved eaves.

“So what do you think, Jonas?” Jack asked the new guy who had to cover Daniel’s old turf.

“I think it’s pretty,” said Jonas. “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

“Neither have I, but that doesn’t mean it’s cool. In fact, the coolness factor is definitely lacking here,” he added.

“It’s really interesting, Colonel! I mean, I haven’t been to many other planets yet, so it’s all new to me, but I haven’t seen anything like this mentioned in any of Doctor Jackson’s journals. I’m not sure if even he’s come across anything similar.”

Jack thought of how this whole discovery would have made Daniel Jackson drool with anticipation and run off at the mouth in a constant stream of excited exposition. He would have thought this place was the ultimate in coolness with such a density of information, no doubt placed there just for Daniel to study, while trusting completely in Jack to watch his six as he became lost in his own little archaeological microcosm.

Jonas moved off then as his attention caught on some detail that he wanted to examine more closely. Jack fell deep into thought as he stood there alone.

Jonas Quinn, despite his enthusiasm in being part of SG-1 and having read all of Daniel’s texts and journals, just didn’t have the intuitive genius salted with passion that had defined Daniel. He had yet to achieve Daniel’s skill for putting together diverse factoids in his mind and jumping to those ingenious insights that left most people trailing in his wake. And Jack knew Jonas still had a deferential attitude toward him, whereas Daniel’s had been far more irreverent, which had allowed Daniel the freedom to spin any theory to Jack—no matter how far-fetched.

Damn, gotta stop thinking about Daniel. This is way not cool.

“Busy. Waaayy too busy,” he said aloud to break his musings. “It’s like they put all the artwork of a whole civilization right here. Where’s Martha Stewart when you need her?” asked Jack rhetorically, thinking he was alone. He was surprised by an answer.

“Daniel would have loved this,” Carter commented. She must have crept up on him while he was lost in thought.

Not cool, Jack, what’s with you today?

He was angry with himself for another lapse in his vigilance. Then he brought his gaze down to look at her standing next to him looking at the building. She smiled sadly and continued, “He would have thought this was so cool!” she said.

What, is she reading my mind now?

“Carter? Shut up.”

“Why? Don’t you think Daniel would have loved this? We wouldn’t have been able to peel him away for—”

“Carter! Go scout the other side. Look for anything threatening; hiding places, you know the drill. And find Teal’c.”

“Already did that, Sir. The exterior’s secure. I don’t think anyone’s been here in a really long time. Years, probably.”

Jack then followed her around the building, listening to her report about what she’d determined, checking the evidence himself. Thoughts of Daniel kept breaking his concentration. He mentally chastised himself whenever it happened, wondering why today? And each time, he tried to return his focus to the task at hand. They came upon Teal’c toward the end of their search. He had checked the jungle perimeter around the building and had found it devoid of any potential threat. They decided it was safe enough to explore inside.

On some of their travels, getting into a building proved to be an exercise in frustrated puzzle solving or required the deciphering of some obscure language, but, in this case, getting in was straightforward…

The door swung silently inward at Jack’s touch. It was as thick as the walls, a good six inches but when he pushed at one edge, it was so well balanced it felt weightless. The interior of the building centered on a large dim rectangular room. SG-1 was standing in a vestibule attached to the main room at one end.

The large center room contained a series of columns in two rows, one row on either side along the length of the room, a few feet from either wall. The columns were painted with whole-body likenesses of extensively tattooed people, mostly men but a few women appeared too. Jack noticed Teal’c staring at each one with rapt attention.

“What’s so interesting?”

“These people appear to be a warrior race.”

“What makes you think that?”

“I am making an assumption based on their posture and facial expressions. In addition, tattoos often signify allegiance to a chief or tribe—,” Teal’c continued.

Or god? Jack’s thought interrupted his concentration on Teal’c’s conjecture.

“—or convey status. One of these figures looked reminiscent of a system lord. I noticed him by his lack of tattoos and by his eyes painted to look as if they were glowing,” Teal’c finished.

In between each column, up high in the wall near the ceiling, were small windows letting in light but not enough to brighten the room , making the painted figures show up in only muted colors in the dim light.

Even the ceiling was painted with a patterned design and the walls had patterns and geometric figures. Jack didn’t see anything that looked like any written language. Not that he was an expert on languages, but he had seen enough over the years to recognize pictographs or ideographs. This didn’t look like any of that.

They were all staring in different directions at the variety of décor in the room. It was a veritable feast for the eyes.

Daniel would have been happy here for days.

As Jack wandered around the large room, he noticed a stairway leading down at the back of the room. He silently crept down them using his P-90 to light the way. At the bottom of the stairs he saw what looked to be small doorways to windowless rooms. Each room had several other doors leading from it. It looked labyrinthine in its layout, each room leading to others. The building might hold some treasures beyond this artwork yet. These rooms were not decorated at all, just plain, and dark.

“Hey, guys,” he said, when he had returned upstairs.

The other three turned from their respective places in the room to look at him.

Jack gestured at the stairs behind him with an absent thrust of his head. “There are some other rooms down the stairs here. Wanna go take a look?” he asked.

Teal’c merely raised an eyebrow while Jonas and Carter walked up to Jack. Teal’c finally joined them as they went down the stairs.

“Teal’c you go with Jonas, and Carter you’re with me,” Jack said as they split up downstairs to explore the little rooms.

It soon became boring—at least for Jack. Each room was dark and small with plain clay walls and a clay floor. None of the rooms seemed to have any artifacts in them at all, nor did they find any evidence of previous inhabitants. Carter noticed Jack’s boredom.

“Sir, it looks plenty safe around here. We haven’t seen anything or come across anything even remotely worrisome. Why don’t you go back up to the main room and wait for us there? It’ll be a little more interesting than this at least.”

“Thanks, Carter.” Jack tried to hide his relief with a token offer, “You sure you don’t want me to hang around?”

“No, Colonel. You’re actually distracting me with your fidgeting. I think I’ll concentrate better by myself. No offense.”

“None taken, but you’re sure…?”

“Sir, go.”

“Okay,” Jack said with a “whatever you say, I’m not hanging around to argue” kind of shrug and he walked out of the room.

…And promptly got lost.

He wandered from room to room for a while, surprised that he’d gotten lost. With his Special Ops training he usually could find his way out of any mazelike complex. He wondered if there was something affecting his directional sense. He searched for the stairs longer than he should have before he radioed Carter.

“Hey, Carter?” Jack spoke into the radio clipped to his vest.

“Yes, Colonel?”

“Where’s the bathroom?”

“Beats me. Do you need one?”

“Just asking.”

“You’re lost aren’t you, Sir?”

“Uhh…kinda…maybe…”

“Stay there. I’ll come find you.”

“Okay,” Jack said but didn’t stay put. He kept wandering and before Carter could find him, he stumbled onto the stairway and made his way back into the large main room.

“Carter?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“Never mind.”

“You found your way out?”

“Yeah. Guess I’ll camp out here for a while in case any of you need me to come and get you.”

“Yeah, right. Okay, Sir.” Jack could hear the smile in Carter’s voice. He looked around once more at the large main room. It really was interesting and beautiful in its primitive way. As he looked toward the front of the room where the vestibule was attached, and where he was sure that SG-1 had come in earlier, he stared in puzzlement.

“What the hell?” Jack muttered. When he looked through to the vestibule, he saw no evidence that a door had ever been there. He aimed his gun’s light just to be sure then went over to where he believed the front door should be. He ran his hand over the area but couldn’t even feel any seams. It was a flawlessly smooth clay wall.

“Carter, Jonas,” he said into his transmitter.

“Yes, Sir?” he heard though the tinny earpiece, then “Yes, Colonel?” as they answered in succession.

“Meet me in the main room. We have a problem. Bring Teal’c, too.” He clicked off the radio and started tapping on the wall then pounded on it but to no avail. There was still no evidence a door had ever been there. He didn’t like being left without an exit.

When they arrived he showed them the problem, then they went back into the main room to discuss the situation.

“Any ideas?” he asked pointedly.

“Not right off the bat, Colonel,” Carter said.

“I could attempt to create a new opening with my staff weapon, O’Neill,” Teal’c suggested.

“Nah, I don’t think that’s such a good idea, T. Never know what a little electrical energy’ll do to an alien edifice, ya know? Let’s save that for last resort kinda stuff, okay?”

Teal’c dipped his head in acquiescence.

“I could, uh, study these columns for some clues. There are a lot of decorations here, maybe they mean something,” Jonas said.

‘Decorations’? Oy, where’s Daniel when you need him?

Daniel would be running off at the mouth, telling Jack what obscure meaning these ‘decorations’ conveyed. He would have never left this room. Jack would have had to drag him out bodily to explore the rest of the place. As soon as Daniel realized there were no other markings of any interest in the other rooms, he’d have been back before you could say, “Damn it, Daniel!”

Aaahhh, Daniel…

Damn, but grief hit at such inappropriate moments. He shook it off. Stay sharp, Jack. Don’t let yourself get distracted off world.

“Yeah, Jonas, go see if you can find the instruction manual or something. We’ve been here long enough. Time to go.” Jack wanted to find a way out before something else happened to give them even less control over their circumstances.

Carter walked back into the vestibule, followed by Jack. “Boy, Sir, I just don’t see any way out. This is weird. This building looks so primitive yet to have absolutely no sign a door was ever here…. Look,” she said, pushing on the wall where the center of the door should have been. “It doesn’t give any indication that it’s anything but a solid wall, yet it opened so easily in the other direction!”

“Maybe we should take Teal’c up on his suggestion and shoot it.” He was sure Carter would balk at that and give him ten reasons why that would be a really bad idea.

“I don’t see why not. We’re not coming up with any other ideas,” she said shrugging. Jack raised his eyebrows.

“Really?” he said, as he cocked his head in surprise. “I told Teal’c we’d save that for a last resort.”

“Sir, I don’t think it’ll hurt anything. After all, these walls look to be made of simple clay. I would think any damage would stay localized to the immediate area of the shot.”

“Teal’c,” Jack called to Teal’c who was still in the main room looking up at the windows. “Come here and shoot this thing, will ya?”

“Gladly, O’Neill.” And with that, Teal’c snapped around right where he stood in the middle of the large hall and shot his staff weapon at the center of the door. Carter and O’Neill practically did backbends trying to escape the staff blast as it split the space between them.

“HEY! How about a little warning before ya shoot! Ya could’ve shot US, fer cryin’ out loud!”

“You insult me, O’Neill. I am an accurate marksman with a staff weapon. You were in no danger,” replied Teal’c.

“Ya coulda fooled me! Next time how about a head’s up, okay?”

“My head was up, O’Neill. I would not have taken the shot without having my head up to aim correctly.”

Jack rolled his eyes. He’s getting to be a regular comedian these days.

“Colonel, there should be a large hole in the wall but look, it’s only scorched,” Carter said, running her hand over the burned area. “Ow! It’s hot!”

“Well, shouldn’t it be, after all that energy discharge?” Jack retorted, looking at the evidence of their lack of success. “So, Plan A failed. Any takers for Plan B?”

“Where’s MacGyver when you need him?” Jack heard Carter mutter.

Jack glared at her.

“O’Neill, I could shoot out one of the windows,” Teal’c stated.

“Okay, go for it, Hot Shot.”

Teal’c fired and watched the staff blast go right through the window with no effect.

“Okay, guess we didn’t need to bother with that. Looks like there’s no glass in the windows.” Jack said as he gazed at the opening they’d thought was a glass window. “Maybe we can get out that way. Any ideas how we get up there? It’s too high to reach standing on each other. Anybody want to tackle climbing one of these columns?”

“I don’t think that will work, Sir. See how they flare gradually as they rise? At the top there wouldn’t be any way to get a purchase.”

“Anybody have, oh, I don’t know, a grappling hook?” Jack asked. Forget MacGyver, Jack thought, where’s Batman when you need him? Or Spider-man. That would be cool—we wouldn’t even need a grappling hook then…

“We could tie a rope to something heavy and try to throw it up there…it could catch on the other side and function like a grappling hook,” Carter suggested. “Maybe we could try one of our weapons.”

“I don’t know, Carter, I don’t like the thought of losing the use of a weapon.”

“I’m not sure we have anything else that that we can use. The P-90 should have enough substance to hold our weight if it catches on the other side of the window. Sir, I think it’s our only viable choice,” Carter answered. “Besides, we haven’t seen anything even remotely threatening here. I think we can take the risk that one less weapon won’t matter.”

“It’s pretty high up,” Jack said as he craned his head. “You think any of us can throw that far?” But Jack’s question was merely rhetorical since he had already decided in Carter’s favor. He tied a rope onto his P-90, and handed the weapon to Teal’c, obviously their strongest member.

“Go for it, Big Guy,” Jack said, stepping back to give Teal’c some room. Teal’c hauled back and flung it underhand in a perfect trajectory. It only came about eight feet short. When it hit the floor with a clatter, the P-90 fired a few rounds, scattering SG-1 in horror. In the aftermath, no one noticed the room brighten for a few seconds.

“Crap!” Jack said grimacing. God, where’s my brain!

“Um, guess you forgot to put the safety on,” Carter said.

“Guess I forgot to remove the clip—” Jack started to say, then broke off as he had a sudden vision of what had happened the last time he had unwittingly left a clip in his weapon. The pang of grief hit hard, showing in his eyes before he could snap his emotional walls back up.

A concerned looking Carter started to say, “Colonel, are you—” but she was interrupted by Jonas.

“I don’t mean to be a pest, but you guys are kind of distracting me here,” Jonas Quinn said, from the other side of the room.

Ah! Saved by the new guy, who doesn’t know how to read me yet.

“Any luck, Jonas?” Jack asked, relieved. He knew Carter had noticed his brief descent into grief and remorse as he flashed back to the accidental death of his son.

Jonas climbed out from behind the column he had been studying and, unlike Daniel, he was careful not to touch anything. Fortunately, Jonas had been at the opposite side of the room from where the gun had gone off.

He answered Jack confidently. “No, I haven’t seen anything like this in any of Doctor Jackson’s library. It’s more like a picture book than a book of text, but it doesn’t make any sense to me. I don’t see anything that looks like it relates to the door mechanism. I see some pictures that look like war or battle scenes, some family-type scenes, but nothing that looks like any instructions. It looks to me like this might be some type of narrative history.”

“All right, why don’t you take a break? In fact, why don’t you all go take another look around the other rooms to see if we missed any clues?” Jack suggested. He was getting positively antsy now. This was taking way too long and things weren’t looking hopeful.

Maybe we should suggest establishing an off-world 911 service, eh?

“Don’t worry yet,” Carter said, in an attempt to comfort him. “The original people who used this building had to have had a way out. We haven’t found any bones after all.”

After the others left, Colonel O’Neill decided to return to the vestibule to study it again. He walked around looking at the columns in a cursory way to see if he could see any clues. Eventually, he found the system lord representation that Teal’c had mentioned before. Jack lightly ran his fingers over its glowing eyes. As he did, Jack thought he heard some low-pitched whispering echo in a language he couldn’t understand. Chills ran down his spine, the small hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. The sound was directionless and only lasted a few seconds. If he believed in such things, he’d have thought it to be the voices of the ghosts of these people.

“Trick or treat,” he said to himself.

Carefully, Jack made his way around the room to see if he could see where the sound may have come from. As he did, he heard more whispering, but he hadn’t touched anything to bring it on the way it had seemed to occur the first time. A small spike of adrenaline surged through him. The sound echoed away then started again with a longer string of whispered language in multiple voices. It was getting spooky but Jack refused to acknowledge the little prick of fear tingling his spine. Halloween. It figured.

He tried to look nonchalant—even though there was no one there to watch him—as he made his way back toward the vestibule. He saw movement out of the corner of his eye behind one of the columns. Now his façade of coolness immediately evaporated   as adrenaline put him in full watchful military mode. He took his flashlight from his vest pocket and turned it on to see better.

Jack saw something move again, followed by another chorus of whispering. Now it was apparent to him that he was on the right track about the whispering somehow coming with touching the columns. He crept closer to investigate.

Unfortunately, his weapon—with the rope still attached—was still halfway across the room where it had fallen. What is WRONG with me today? He was a Colonel in the USAF, for crying out loud! He knew the importance of keeping his weapon at the ready, yet there it lay, halfway across the room for any alien to pick up and shoot him with it. Jack looked back where he’d seen the movement. There was a stubby shadow showing from behind one of the columns about eight feet from his P-90, on the same side of the room. He was twice as far from his gun as the owner of the shadow.

Crap!

The shadow was moving in small ways, but didn’t give any indication it was going for Jack’s weapon, or even if it knew that Jack was in the room. Where had this thing come from, anyway? He hadn’t left this area except when he’d gone off with Carter and as soon as he returned he’d found the doorway sealed. He knew no one had been here before then. Did the others miss searching a room? Had it sneaked in from one of the rooms while they were distracted by their predicament? Again, he castigated himself for not being more vigilant, but damn! How could anyone be here? They were surely too skilled to have missed something.

Keeping his eye on the column and the shadow, he quietly returned his flashlight to his vest and furtively stepped across the room, slowly at first, while the column blocked the entity’s view of Jack. Then, when Jack could see the side of a seated figure just start to come into his view, he launched himself, sliding to his gun near the wall as if he were sliding into second base. With a coordinated roll he grabbed his weapon and crouched, turning to aim it at the body he was now in line with. The attached rope came up with him as he stood. He left the gun’s light off, not wanting to break the focus of this person just yet. The UAV had not seen any evidence of people in the vicinity. Where had this guy come from?

As Jack watched, the man, as Jack now thought this entity was, traced the pattern of a tattoo on one of the figures on the column with a finger, as if to decipher it by touch, then paused to listen to the whispering, which had begun at his touch. He cocked his head to concentrate on the voices, as if to hear what they were saying. Jack stared, trying to see him better, not paying any attention to the whispering anymore. Apparently, the man hadn’t yet realized there was anyone watching him. How could this guy not have noticed Jack retrieving his weapon? The man’s ability to focus on his task, oblivious to any danger, reminded him of Daniel. The man was sitting cross-legged less than a foot from the surface he was examining. Jack crept out closer to him to get a better look.

When he was about three feet away, Jack turned on the light in his gun and spoke to the man. “Very carefully, raise your hands—” At the same moment, the man turned his head, finally noticing that someone else was in the room.

“Hi Jack!” he said, totally ignoring what he had just been told.

What? Geez, he had Daniel on the brain or something today because that sure sounded like—

“Daniel?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” The man who claimed to be Daniel stood up energetically, completely disregarding the weapon trained on him. He certainly dressed like Daniel, complete with glasses, plaid flannel shirt and wrinkled khaki pants.

Jack didn’t lower his aim on his P-90, but he did relax his grip.

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead?”

“Ascended.”

“Whatever. How’d you get here?”

“It’s kind of a long explanation, Jack,” Daniel said, with a small grimace. “Don’t you remember when I came back to be with you when you were having that party with your new buddy, Ba’al? Ascended beings can show up anywhere we want, but—”

“Oh, really?” Jack interrupted. “I kind of figured I must have been hallucinating from one too many trips to the sarcophagus. You know how that is.”

Daniel pressed his lips together in reaction to Jack’s snide comment. He didn’t answer.

“Maybe I’m hallucinating now, too,” Jack continued. “Who knows, I could be breathing bad air or something. No way you can prove you’re not just a product of my, oh-so-active imagination. I mean, how else would you know about Ba’al?”

“Um…I could know about Ba’al because…I was there with you. You aren’t hallucinating now and you weren’t then either. I’m really here. In fact, Jack, didn’t we have this conversation already? Back when you were with Ba’al? I thought you were finally convinced that I could appear to you whenever I want. At least, you talked to me then as though you knew it was me…”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t myself there for a while. Maybe you weren’t yourself either. In fact, Daniel, didn’t I throw a shoe through you?” Jack cocked his head to the side, squinting his eyes a little. “That doesn’t exactly lend itself to believability, you know.”

“Come on, Jack! I came back to be with you while you were suffering and now I’m here with you again to help.” Daniel said plaintively.

As he began to explain, he became animated, the same familiar Daniel Jackson whom Jack had been reminiscing about today. And Jack could only shift his feet and stare, not knowing how to react.

“Speaking of which, I’ve been studying these painted columns,” Daniel continued, oblivious to Jack’s reaction, “And, you know, these pictures are fascinating! It looks like an ancient Polynesian genealogy. And look over here!” Daniel raced over to one of the columns on the opposite side of the room. “There’s a running history of these people in their paintings, and when you touch one, it tells you the oral history of whatever you touched.” Daniel touched a column to demonstrate. “This is so great! This is the first time we’ve had any evidence of a Polynesian society making it off world. Did you know the ancient Polynesians on Earth rode thousands of miles in canoes from their ancient homeland to populate the islands all the way from New Zealand to Hawaii? Oh! Oh, and Jack!–”

Jack interrupted with a frantic wave of his arm. “Okay, maybe it really is you, Daniel, so how come Jonas didn’t know this? He’s read your entire library AND your journals. Where was this little tidbit stashed?”

“In my brain. I spent some time on vacation in New Zealand once and learned it on a tour—Jonas has read all my journals? Isn’t that an invasion of my privacy?”

“You’re DEAD, Daniel. Why wouldn’t we make use of your research?”

Daniel held up a finger of correction at Jack. “ Ascended.” Then he added, “Ummm… you didn’t read them, did you?”

“Why would I want to read something filled with endless details about artifact-thingies and all those rocks you find so enthralling? That’s for you, Daniel. Not me. Unless you wrote about me in there, too—” Jack trailed off, and looked at Daniel with growing suspicion.

Daniel looked stricken with guilt.

“Oh, for crying out loud! You DID, didn’t you? You wrote about me? What did you write? No—don’t answer that, I don’t think I wanna know.”

“There are more reasons to write in a journal than just making research notes, Jack. A lot of my thinking and synthesizing of hypotheses comes from writing in my journals.” As Daniel explained, he absently walked back across the room to face Jack again. “A natural extension of that is to write about my feelings, too. It helps me work out some of the emotional stuff I have to deal with. That doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad, you know.” Then he changed the subject. “So, is Jonas working out as my, uh, replacement?”

Jack dully nodded, but his mind was on one word. ‘Replacement?’ No one can replace you, Daniel, and without you, it’s been so HARD.   Is this really, REALLY you? As he continued to converse with Daniel as if it were the most normal thing in the world to do, it gave him time to get a handle on the enormity of this miracle Jack was too afraid to believe in. How can you be here? To be safe, Jack subconsciously erected more walls to cope with his swirling emotions.

“How do you feel about having Jonas on the team, Jack?”

“What?” Jack stared for a moment, distracted, before his mind went back to the topic at hand. He shrugged, “He’s a quick study. He’s been using your office and computer since you left,” He said, to skirt around the real meaning behind Daniel’s question.

Daniel let his question go, merely commenting, “I miss my computer.”

Jack snapped back to the moment, his sarcasm in full protective mode. His words were sharp as he said, “Well, it’s not yours anymore, is it? Guess you’ll just have to get over it.”

Like I’m going to have to get over you showing up here and then disappearing again. Damn it, Daniel! What made it bearable when you left last time was thinking it was all a figment of my sarcophagus-addled tortured mind, but now I’m totally sane with all my faculties present…

Why can’t Charlie come back for a little visit like this now and again?

Just go away already, so I won’t have to hurt even more, Jack thought, not meaning it. He rubbed his face with a hand. He wasn’t used to having to cope in such an immediate way with his grief over losing Daniel. And should he even be grieving now? Shouldn’t he just be grateful for this moment with Daniel? But it brought out in Jack all the pain of all the moments, long, drawn out months of moments, when Daniel hadn’t been there. He almost wished Daniel really would go away so he could get back to the usual emotions he could cope with, the ones he was used to, the ones he had all safely hidden away.

“Jack…”

“What, Daniel!”

“Are you mad at me?”

Relieved, ecstatic, scared, worried, take your pick, Danny-Boy, but not really mad, although I might go mad…

Jack glared at Daniel who looked at him with his head cocked like a puppy who didn’t know why Jack wasn’t totally thrilled to see him. Jack still had his weapon pointed in Daniel’s general direction.

Jack saw that look from Daniel and remembered the same look coming from Charlie when he’d been five and had wandered away from Jack in a shopping mall…

Jack was frantic with worry. He searched the toy store everywhere, but Charlie was nowhere to be found. Charlie was wandering alone somewhere in the mall or worse.... Jack had the store call mall security to start a search.

Jack was panicked like never before in his life. Even the four months in the Iraqi prison, never knowing when his next meal would be and in nearly constant pain, had not panicked him the way he was right now. He was irrational with the security guards, a real unpleasant guy, berating them for ineptitude when they were actually doing a thorough job.

It took them two hours before their search finally turned up Charlie. He had discovered the stairway to the basement and had poked around down there until he’d found the mechanical workings of the mall, the plumbing and heating. Security guards brought a happy Charlie back upstairs, boisterously excited by what he’d seen.

When Jack laid eyes on him, he felt overcome and had to fight hard not to cry. Then, embarrassed by coming so close to tears in public, he started verbally berating his son. Charlie had given him that same puppy dog look of bewilderment that Daniel just had, not knowing what he’d done to make his father so angry and upset. Jack had spent the drive home chastising himself for taking out his worry (and relief) in anger at his precious son, whom he should have been hugging and kissing. By the time they arrived home, though, Charlie had already returned to his normal happy self, seemingly impervious to his father’s anger at him. Instead, he was trying to cheer up his Dad.

Daniel had always bounced back like that, too. Aside from the Goa’uld, he had never carried a grudge against Jack or anyone else.

There was another similarity between his son and Daniel too: they both tended to wander off, although with Daniel it was much more pronounced.

“Well…?” Daniel started.

That snapped Jack out of his reverie and back to the same angry emotional reaction he’d just remembered having so long ago.

“GOD, Daniel. WHAT?”

“Are you gonna shoot me with that thing?” he asked pointing at Jack’s gun still held at the ready. “Do you want to kill me, Jack?”

Jack felt that was making a mockery of a similar scene where Jack had spoken the same words to Daniel. That time, those words had broken the spell of Daniel’s addiction to the sarcophagus and he’d clung to Jack, sobbing. Now Jack’s control was just as close to breaking, but he held himself together by a thread. He lowered his weapon, letting it dangle from one hand. After all, if a shoe couldn’t hit Daniel, how could bullets? He had now dropped his physical defense, but an emotional one came to his rescue.

“How can I kill you when you’re already dead, Daniel? Or, excuse me, ascended, so why even bother wasting the bullets? They can’t hurt you any more than my shoe. In fact, why don’t you just leave already! We have all moved on. Why can’t you?” Jack flung the words out, knowing they must hurt, but to protect himself, he demanded of Daniel the thing he most dreaded.

“Jack—” Daniel started, then hesitated. He held his arms crossed over his chest, looking at Jack who glared back, challenging him to answer.

Finally, Daniel said, “I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you don’t really mean that. If you did, you would certainly be hurting me as much as I know I’ve hurt you. Jack, I didn’t want to die. I thought it was a worthy sacrifice, you know that….” He stopped.

Jack knew now that this had to be Daniel. He could read Jack better than anyone. He could see Daniel sizing up Jack’s emotional state trying to decide how to appease him. Jack was so tense he was about to lose what little control he had left, and he knew Daniel knew it.

“Look Jack,” he finally continued. “When one ascends there is also the opportunity to descend as well. I learned so much as an ascended being but I couldn’t interfere with any situation I came across. I’ve been observing SG-1 periodically and wanted to help you all so badly, especially you when you were alone and being tortured by Ba’al. I couldn’t touch you. All I could do was talk. I couldn’t get you out of there. I couldn’t heal you. It was so frustrating. That’s why I tried to talk you into ascending with me. It was all I had to offer. Except for my friendship. You have always had that, Jack. And you always will, no matter what you think of me.”

That last bit was hard for Jack to hear and a lump grew in his throat.

Stay angry, Jack! Anger is the safe way out of this.

“So are you telling me you’re going to descend now? What exactly does that mean anyway, Daniel? More metaphysical CRAP?”

“Oh, Jack,” Daniel sighed defeated. “I already—Look, I’m sorry I left you all. I heard what you told me when I was in the infirmary dying. I know what it meant. It was hard for me too. Please Jack!”

Jack’s face became unguarded as Daniel’s words threw him. He tried to scowl to bring the mask back up but failed. Finally, he said, in a tired voice, “Look, Daniel—” Jack stopped, not knowing exactly what he wanted to say. Before he could continue, Daniel stepped closer to Jack.

“I already did.”

“Did what?”

“Descend.”

“You did?” Jack now gave Daniel a yeah-right-I-just-tossed-my-shoe-through-you, look. “So what does that mean exactly?”

“Basically, that I’m not ‘dead’ anymore.”

“Just like that, you’re alive again?” Jack said, peeved. “For cryin’ out loud, Daniel, you have more lives than a cat!”

Daniel smiled at that one.

“Come here Jack and see for yourself. You can touch me. I’m corporeal.” Daniel held a hand out palm up beckoning Jack to him.

“So you’re a corporal now. Gee, you don’t look much like a military man.” Jack looked at the flannel shirt Daniel was wearing. So unmilitary. So familiar. So Daniel…He almost shook his head as he tried to clear his mind from the stray thought so he could get back to being skeptical.

“Very funny, Jack.” Daniel still had his hand out, palm up.

“What is this, feel the nail holes in my hands or something? Jesus, Daniel!”

“No, that was Jesus. This is just me.”

Jack took out his flashlight to see Daniel in a more direct light as he ran his other hand through his graying hair. It had been a long frustrating day and now he just felt drained. His fatigue brought the doubts back. Everything about this man screamed “I really am Daniel Jackson!” but they were off world sealed into a strange building with cryptic inscriptions. Maybe there was someone akin to the Gamekeeper here. Maybe “Daniel” was the Gamekeeper. How could he believe it was Daniel and not some fabrication formed from his memory and knowledge of Daniel?

“Daniel, if you are really Daniel that is, how do I know you aren’t a figment of my mind created by alien technology? You could be a hologram for all I know.”

“Come on, Jack! I thought I proved who I am already!” Daniel jumped up and danced around in a frustrated circle, throwing his arms up in the air. “Can’t you just trust me? It won’t kill you to believe me!”

Okay, hyper Daniel. Nobody would want to fabricate hyper Daniel. Except maybe Harlan. KumTRYa!

Jack took a step toward him but hesitated. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t like not knowing what to do. He wasn’t used to not knowing what to do, for cryin’ out loud! He felt like Fox Mulder: I Want to Believe…but he was more like Scully, always needing more proof.

Are you real? Are you staying? I have to know because, God, I’ve missed you, Daniel.

There, he’d finally admitted it. Jack missed Daniel. Every day, in some way, Jack missed Daniel. Before now, he had avoided such thoughts, but with Daniel looking right at him, it appeared fully fleshed out in a simple sentence of three words.

I miss you.

Jack was growing angry with himself for not being able to get a better handle on his thoughts. And yet, despite the vulnerability he knew he’d show, Jack slowly reached out to touch Daniel’s hand, which was warm and soft. Not prone to holding hands with Daniel, he had never actually thought about how Daniel’s hand would feel. He was surprised at the warmth and dryness. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting. Air, like the first time Daniel had showed up as an ascended being? Cold and clammy like death? But what met him was definitely alive and comforting.

Jack took one more step forward as he set his gun on the floor. He put one hand on each of Daniel’s arms just below the shoulders. He squeezed gently. This had to be real. If it wasn’t, he was a sucker, and whoever was behind this sure had his number. He took his hands and put them on either side of Daniel’s face. Daniel’s eyes were swimming with unshed tears, unlike Jack’s, which were still dry. Jack sighed then gave in to his emotions in a huge unselfconscious grin of pure joy as he exuberantly pulled Daniel into a hug.

Daniel hugged him back and then relaxed a little, but Jack didn’t let go. Daniel tightened his grip again and stood there, letting Jack cling to him. Jack didn’t move or relax his grip. Jack buried his face in the crook between Daniel’s shoulder and neck, overcome for the moment.

Because of the deaths of not only his son, but of so many others he’d been close to in his life, he had thought his guarded heart had become impervious to the pain of loss. After Daniel’s ascension Jack was able to keep himself under the tightest emotional control. But Jack had discovered that he had cared much more deeply about the man than he had ever intended. He had kept his mask in place with just enough humor and sarcasm to keep the rest of his team from hovering and “being there” for him, but alone in his weaker moments he had grieved. What he hadn’t counted on was Daniel’s return, which had brought a vulnerability to Jack he hadn’t seen in a very long time. In this one moment, he didn’t care.

Finally, Daniel spoke. “Ummm….Jack?”

“I’ve been hugging you for an embarrassingly long time, haven’t I, Daniel.” he said, not really asking it as a question, his voice muffled by Daniel’s shoulder.

“Uh…yeah….but it’s okay by me.”

Jack had an uncomfortable feeling they were being watched. “They’re here, aren’t they?” Jack said still not moving, his head still buried. Daniel opened his eyes.

“Yeah.”

“Crap.”

Jack felt Daniel’s facial muscles tighten and knew he must be smiling.

Jack raised his head, keeping his back to his team. Then he placed his thumb and index finger on either side of the bridge of his nose and spread them outward to massage the skin under his tired eyes. If it happened to wipe some tears away, Jack wasn’t going to let on. He stood erect then and still touching Daniel, he took a step away from him before he let go. Jack turned around to see what his team was doing.

They had come into the room to see Jack clinging to Daniel. Looking at them now, Jack could tell that they believed—just as he did—that Daniel was real. Jonas had a big grin on his face. Carter was trying to hold it together with tears in her eyes threatening to spill, while Teal’c already had two streaks running down his cheeks as he stood there, stock still except for a quivering chin. Jack wasn’t so embarrassed anymore to know that they’d seen him hugging Daniel as if his life depended on it.

Jack stepped aside and motioned for SG-1 to come greet their lost partner. Carter flung herself forward and just about jumped on Daniel. She hit him so hard with her body that they spun around half a turn. Jack gave them a bemused smile.

Jack saw that Carter was blushing. He knew she was embarrassed to have her CO watching, but when Jack saw her turn toward Teal’c, he knew she’d forgotten all about it. Teal’c was still standing at a distance, obviously trying to maintain a stoic demeanor. Carter stepped away from Daniel as she gestured for Teal’c to take her place.

Teal’c walked with quiet dignity to Daniel.

“Daniel Jackson.” He said. His voice had a tremor.

“Hi Teal’c. It’s good to see you again.”

“As it is you. You are alive again. How is your appearance possible?”

“I descended, Teal’c. I missed you guys. When I was ascended, I wasn’t allowed to interfere and found that more difficult than I’d ever imagined. Plus, I wasn’t allowed to touch anyone or anything. Imagine! Seeing the artifacts of your dreams, and I couldn’t hold them or touch them. It became too frustrating. The worst was when I visited Jack—”

Jack wasn’t ready to discuss that visit with his team yet, so he subtly shook his head, signaling to Daniel “Don’t go there.”

Too late.

“You visited the Colonel? When?” Carter asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Daniel said, his eyes moving from Jack to Carter. What matters is that that was when I first realized I was becoming dissatisfied with being ascended.”

“Daniel—” Teal’c faltered before he got the “Jackson” out. Then he continued without it. “May I greet you in the Tau’ri fashion? I think it would be most appropriate for this occasion.”

Daniel smiled. “Sure, Teal’c, what Tau’ri fashion did you have in mind?”

Teal’c put his arms around Daniel and crushed him.

“Teal’c, I’m glad to see you too, but I can’t breathe!”

Teal’c let him go and stepped back.

Jack now noticed that Jonas had been watching from the doorway. He seemed tentative about with how to proceed after the intensity of SG-1’s response to Daniel’s presence. Daniel rescued him by going over to Jonas and shaking his hand. “Jonas, I hear you’ve been using my office.”

“Oh, I’ll find some other place to go right away if you’re coming back, Doctor Jackson.”

“That’s all right. Maybe we can share it.” Daniel smiled at Jonas before turning back to face the rest of the team. His friends stood there immobile and staring at Daniel, Sam and Teal’c with tear-streaked cheeks. After a few beats of silence, Daniel broke the spell.

“Soooo…what’s the game plan here? When do we go home?”

Jack was the only one who could currently speak. “What? Now you want to leave? With all these juicy pictures to decipher? Maybe you aren’t Daniel Jackson after all,” but he was smiling as he said it.

Sam spoke, her voice nasal sounding, “We can’t get out. The door sealed us in and we can’t find any mechanism to get it open again.”

“Didn’t you see the warning notice in the vestibule?”

“What warning notice?” Jonas asked.

Daniel then led them to the vestibule where he pointed out a smooth round spot on the plain clay wall high and to one side of where the door had been. “See this? There are tiny inscriptions on it. This building looks primitive, but I assure you, it is quite high tech, as you saw by the door. It keys on DNA from the skin cells of your fingertips. This is known as the ‘Big House’ in their language. It’s sort of a members’ only meeting house for this civilization’s people. They were warlike and used this as a type of war room, probably for strategizing or maybe celebrating victory, things like that. Anyone allowed in has their DNA scanned into the vestibule wall.

 “These inscriptions are warnings about the door mechanism, why it seals and all that. Any people not meant to be here are left without an exit, to be captured or left to die. But this tiny area here has the failsafe instructions. I think they assumed no foreigners would discover it. What you have to do is absurdly simple,” Daniel said as he drew a pattern on the smooth plate. Immediately, seams grew to outline the door then he merely pushed inside the outline and the newly formed door opened as quietly and easily as it had when they’d entered.

“Wow,” Jack mouthed then said, “Sweet.”

He motioned for the rest of SG-1 to go ahead through the door. Jonas first ran back to get Jack’s P-90, still lying on the floor, where Jack had left it with the rope still attached. He untied the rope and put it in his pack, bringing the gun to Jack who was now staring at the doorway shaking his head. Jack took it absently, blinking at the brightness as he stepped outside.

“When, exactly, did you come in?” he asked Daniel.

“Um, I came in when you were scattering like the wind from your weapon going off. I guess you were a little distracted and didn’t see me.”

“But how did you know about the door—you know—how did you know we could get out? You weren’t here with us to know we’d been trapped,” asked Carter, squinting less and less as her eyes adjusted to the brightness more quickly than Jack’s.

“I was here with you before I descended,” Daniel said as the five of them started making their way to the Stargate. “I was in the SGC watching to see where you were going,” he continued. “I followed you through the Stargate to this planet and into the building. I found the warning notice in the vestibule and realized that once the door closed, there was no way out for you except for my showing you the way. I could see none of you were able to decipher the language…no offense Jonas.”

Jonas shrugged to show he didn’t have any hard feelings.

That’s our Danny-Boy! It’s so great to have you back! Jack felt the lump return in his throat. Okay…better not be thinking like that just now—”

Daniel continued, “I saw that you were trapped and couldn’t just stand by anymore. I’m tired of not being able to help so I decided that now was as good a time as any to descend, but before I did, I had to get some clothes, you know, since I left without any….”

Jack shrugged, not caring about the details of how Daniel might have procured clothing.

 Daniel glanced at him, but continued, “Anyway, it took a while to figure out the best way to sneak some BDUs from the SGC—”

“But you’re not wearing BDUs,” Jonas noted.

 “—and then I remembered about the mimic devices. So I, uh, swiped one. That way I could walk around and get the BDU’s without anyone noticing.”

Carter asked, “How’d you know where the mimic devices were?”

“I was ascended, so it’s not hard, you know…actually, you don’t know…but that’s beside the point…anyway, trust me, it wasn’t hard.”

Jack asked, “Did you know there were fake ones out there? You were lucky to get a real one. Someone recently had my real one and the result wasn’t pretty…”

But before Daniel could comment, Carter interrupted, obviously curious. “So whose mimic device did you take, Daniel?”

“I should have checked, but at the time I was in such a hurry to get away before anyone realized it was missing, I just took one at random. I didn’t test it out before I left.”

“So whose was it?”

“Uh, mine,” Daniel said sheepishly.

Jack snorted. “You got your own?” It was the first time he’d felt like laughing in a long time.

“Actually, it worked out perfectly in the long run. I realized I didn’t need to try to sneak around to look for any clothes anymore, just come back here and descend.”

“So where did the clothes you’re wearing now come from?” Jonas asked.

“Uh, I’m not wearing any, Jonas. I descended right outside the building, stuck the mimic device on me and came inside. See?” Daniel showed them the glowing device on his chest.

“Ewww! So we all hugged a naked guy. Thanks a lot Daniel!” Jack said.

“Oh, I don’t know, Sir, I don’t mind the concept…” Carter said, raising her eyebrows at the Colonel as she smiled.

“Shut up, Carter,” he said, feeling his face grow warm in a rare blush and hoping she didn’t also notice.

Her eyes twinkled as she continued smiling at him. She’d noticed.

“You’re all naked under your clothes, too, you know, so what’s the difference?” Daniel said.

Jack couldn’t disagree with that, but he still stood a little farther away from Daniel.

“You know, Jack…” Daniel teased, “If I’d known it was going to bother you so much, I would have swiped the clothes from your locker instead.”

Jack opened his mouth to take Daniel’s bait when Teal’c interrupted.

“O’Neill,” Teal’c said, “If he is wearing Daniel Jackson’s mimic device, how do we know this person is really Daniel Jackson?”

Oy, and after all that work I did earlier to figure out for myself that it’s really him! It HAS to be Daniel… “Good point, Teal’c.” All thoughts of Jack’s locker disappeared.

“Doctor Jackson, maybe you could go behind one of those giant leaves right there and take off the device for a second,” Jonas said.

“Oh, sure, Jonas.” Daniel went a few feet off the trail to behind a large leafed plant. He made sure to keep his head and chest visible as he removed the device. He shimmered and his clothes disappeared as did his glasses. His hair was slightly different, too. But it was definitely Daniel.

“Yup, you’re Daniel, all right,” Jack said, satisfied (and very relieved.) Daniel put the device back on. “And great Daniel costume, by the way,” Jack said, casually pointing at Daniel’s plaid shirt. “Looks just like you—did you know it’s Halloween today?”

They resumed their hike to the Gate in silence until Jack spoke again. “Daniel…Just how, exactly, would you be getting into my locker?”

“Uh, I know the combination, Jack,” Daniel said.

“Great,” Jack said scowling. “And just when did you learn that little tidbit of information?”

“Oh, about five years ago. You have an easy combination. All I had to do was watch you open it once and I was good to go.”

Jack had been walking with Daniel and Jonas, but now he twisted his head to look at the other two walking behind. “Did you guys know about this?”

“All of the original members of SG-1 know the combination to your locker, O’Neill,” said Teal’c. “I do not know about Jonas Quinn.”

Jack turned around fully and walked backward, looking at Carter. “Is this true?”

Carter turned red. “’Fraid so, Sir.”

“I for one use your razor to shave my head. The pivoting head makes it a pleasurable experience,” Teal’c continued.

“You use my razor? Is that why my blades are so dull all the time? And I always thought it was my beard of steel!”

“No, it is I who have the beard of steel, O’Neill,” Teal’c said with one of his Mona Lisa smiles. For Teal’c, this was akin to chortling. “Furthermore, before you chastise me, I must inform you of the difficulty I have in procuring the necessary toiletry articles since I am rarely off base with time to go shopping.”

Jack could say nothing in response, however he did give frequent hard glances towards Teal’c’s face and scalp, which resulted in Teal’c walking with an air of superiority. Whether it was from pride in besting O’Neill or from the satisfaction of having Daniel back, was hard to tell. Jack saw Carter and Daniel silently sharing amused glances whenever they looked at Teal’c and Jack. Jonas smiled, too.

They hiked on for a while in the heat and humidity. No one had water left and they were fatigued from their time trapped in the building, except for Daniel, who looked quite energetic and bouncy as he walked along. SG-1 lapsed into silence as they trudged along sweating and distracted by their emotions.

Jack figured each one was thinking about Daniel’s return and he wondered what impact it was having. Jack was uncertain how Jonas would react. He knew Daniel and Teal’c had a deep, respectful friendship and he was certain the Jaffa would be quietly pleased at his friend’s return. Carter was pretty good at accepting unexpected things. In fact, she often surprised Jack with her even-keeled temperament.

Jack realized he was musing about Daniel again just as he had been earlier this distracting day, which had been a day filled with thoughts about Daniel. And who could have ever guessed that the outcome would be…Daniel! Things like this never happened in real life. Happy things. Good things. He was far too used to the bad stuff, things like being tortured while imprisoned, his best friends dying (or ascending), his son dying…but never good things. How did you handle this when all the coping skills you’d developed over the years were for the bad stuff?

Jack had to stop thinking before he went crazy. Thinking was Carter’s job, not his. At least, not like this. This was musing. Kind of more like Daniel’s style of thinking. Now I’m thinking about Daniel again. Crap. He tried to think about something else, but every time he promptly came back to Daniel. It was hard not to when he was walking right beside him.

Descended.

Alive again.

In the flesh.

Incredible.

When they reached the Stargate, Carter pushed the code on her GDO, but they gave Daniel the honor of dialing the Gate for home.

“Wait until the General sees us!”

As they stepped into the Stargate, Jack put his arm around Daniel.

I missed you, Daniel.

Past tense! And didn’t that feel great?

Each one’s last thought was about the miracle of them all being together again.

Chapter Two

“Incoming wormhole!” The klaxon sounded. “It’s SG-1’s signal, Sir,” the sergeant said as General Hammond arrived. Hammond left right away to greet them in the Gate room, as was his custom.

Jonas was the first one through the Gate. He was most of the way down the ramp before anyone else came through. “Sir,” Jonas said to the General then he smiled as he walked past the General and stopped.

Major Carter came through then, quickly followed by Teal’c. Hammond was bewildered at the odd sight of Teal’c with a full-out teeth-showing unselfconscious grin. When he looked at Carter he saw she was about to cry as she unsuccessfully tried to speak to him.

“What’s going on, Major?” he asked. “What happened out there?”

Jack O’Neill popped through the Gate with his arm around—

“Oh my…” General Hammond whispered, and turned pale, as he saw who Jack had his arm around. “Doctor Jackson?” He whispered hoarsely, his voice breaking.

Jack still had his arm around Daniel, grinning. They stopped in front of the General. “Trick or treat!” Jack exclaimed.

“Doctor Jackson,” the General said again, cautiously. This couldn’t possibly be the real Daniel Jackson, he thought, but he was in doubt of his own skepticism as he saw how the others were reacting to Daniel’s presence. “To what do we owe this pleasure?” he asked somewhat formally.

Daniel’s grin didn’t break as he told the General, “I descended. I’m back.”

“Descended? Can you do that?” General Hammond asked, then he fixed his eyes on each team member in turn. He didn’t say anything else, merely watched them all, absorbing their expressions, trying to figure out if this could possibly be real.

“General, I know what you’re thinking,” Colonel O’Neill spoke, in answer to Hammond’s doubts. “Believe me, I had my doubts—maybe still do—but I sure don’t know who else this could possibly be besides the old rock duster himself. He’s got me convinced,” he said smugly. Then as an afterthought he said, “Mostly.”

General Hammond considered his words for a moment before breaking into a grin as big as Teal’c’s. “Daniel Jackson!” he said as he moved forward to embrace Daniel after Jack dropped his arm. “To say it’s good to see you, son, would be an understatement.” When General Hammond let Daniel go, he had tears in his eyes and was surprised to see every member of SG-1 did too.

“I think you had all better go to the infirmary,” he added.

“But General, we’re fine. And we’re convinced this really is Daniel, Sir,” Sam said, finally able to make her voice work.

“I know. That’s not why I want you to go. There’s someone else who needs to see this for herself.”

“Ah.” Jack said with a thrust of his head.

The five current and previous members of SG-1 trooped off to surprise Janet Fraiser in the infirmary.

-----

“You guys want to have some fun with Doc Fraiser?” Colonel O’Neill asked as they walked down the hall.

“What do you have in mind, Jack?” asked Daniel.

“I was thinkin’ we could just go in like any normal post-mission checkup and see how long it takes her to notice you.”

Sam laughed as they stopped at the elevator, “You don’t think she’ll notice right away?” She pushed the elevator button.

“Maybe, maybe not, what do you think?”

“Let’s take bets, what do you say?” Jonas suggested as they all got in the elevator.

“Okay, but if this is gonna work, only four of us can go in so how about y—”

“You want me to stay out? Sure, no problem,” Jonas said smiling.

“Teal’c, you create a diversion so she’s not paying attention to us,” Colonel O’Neill suggested. Sam could tell he was teasing.

“As you wish, O’Neill,” Teal’c dipped his head.

“Ohhh, this could be good,” the Colonel said, rubbing his hands together and smiling broadly as the elevator doors opened.

Jonas hung around just beyond the door to the infirmary as the other four entered. Teal’c bent over a little, holding his belly. Sam thought he must be glad he no longer had a prim’ta to agitate just now.

-----

“Teal’c! What’s the matter?” Janet asked with concern when she saw him.

“I am uncertain, Doctor Fraiser. I have a pain in my pak’tal.”

“Your what?”

But before he could answer, Teal’c let out an impressively loud fart.

None of them had ever heard Jack giggle before, so they all turned to watch him as he dissolved into laughter so intense he fell back onto one of the beds. It was infectious. Sam and Daniel joined in, and even Teal’c looked most satisfied with their reaction to his impromptu performance.

Janet recovered first to say, “Come on guys. Teal’c could be suffering here,” but when she looked at him she noticed that he too was in on the fun. Janet glared at them all realizing she’d been had.

“Okay, you four. Sit up all of you.”

They moved to obey, each giving knowing looks to the others since Janet had not yet noticed anything out of the ordinary. All four sat in a row on one of the infirmary beds. She looked at all four of them, knowing from the looks on their faces that something was up.

“What?” Janet asked, feeling a little duped. “One of you want to tell me what’s going on?” Daniel looked the guiltiest so she would start with him. And why is he already in civilian clothes when they’ve just come back from a mission? she thought.

Daniel?

Her heart skipped a beat, but as she was about to react to his appearance she saw the glowing mimic device peaking out from his shirt. Two can play at this game, she thought, wondering in the back of her mind how she could increase their suffering during their next physicals for this cruel joke.

She put on her best don’t-mess-with-me demeanor as she said, “Hey, wait a minute! You’re not supposed to be here, Daniel. I think you’d better leave now.” Gotcha! she thought, trying as hard as she could not to laugh as she saw the stunned looks on all four faces. In fact, “Daniel” looked positively crushed.

“I thought you’d be happy to see me…” he said dejectedly.

“But Daniel, my job has been so much easier with you gone. Less stressful too,” she said in all mock seriousness. “And it’s really helped the infirmary budget.”

“Boy, that sure backfired,” he told the others. Janet was surprised to hear actual pain in his voice. She felt a little vindicated because what they had intended as a Halloween prank had brought on fresh pangs of grief over Daniel’s absence. But she was also feeling guilty that she had ruined their fun. They had so few actual lighthearted moments anymore. She couldn’t keep up the pretense any longer.

“I’m sorry, guys. I didn’t mean to spoil your fun, it being Halloween and all. Jonas, you did have me fooled for a minute but you should have hidden the mimic device better,” she explained.

“I’m not wearing the mimic device,” Jonas said peaking around the doorway, entering the infirmary. He was smiling.

Janet looked at him across the room, shocked, “Then who…?” but rather than ask she reached out to pull the mimic device off ‘Daniel’.

-----

Whenever Sam looked back on this scene, she always remembered it in slow motion: Janet reaching out to pull off the device, Daniel’s face turning red as soon as he saw what she was about to do, the Colonel thrusting an arm out to stop her while he squeaked out “Doc! Don’t!” and Teal’c impassively watching, trying hard but failing to keep the smile off his face.

Since Colonel O’Neill was sitting at one end of the bed, with Daniel at the other, he couldn’t reach Janet to stop her even though Sam saw him thrust his arm out in the attempt. As Janet pulled off the device, Daniel’s arms went right to his groin as he hunched over with a horrified look on his face.

“Put it back! Put it back!” Daniel yelled.

“Daniel!” she whispered, standing there with her face frozen in shock as she gaped at Daniel. His hair was a little different but it was the same face with the same stricken look that pleaded with her. Sam, who was sitting next to Daniel, took the mimic device from Janet’s hand and put it back on Daniel’s chest. Clothes and glasses immediately reappeared and he relaxed.

Now she gave them the reaction they’d been hoping for, and more. Tears came to her eyes as she continued to stare at him, frozen. Daniel stood up to give her a hug but didn’t make it before Janet launched herself at him. With her tiny frame, she was able to wrap her legs around him as she clung to his neck whispering, “Oh my god! Daniel!” He held on to her, tears in his eyes. The intensity of Janet’s reaction shocked Sam, as she suspected it did the others, because none of them had expected it to be so demonstrative.

The rest of them looked away, uncomfortable now with watching their usually unflappable Doctor Fraiser in such an unguarded moment.

After she finished a rather cursory and distracted exam of SG-1, Janet shooed Sam and the others out so she could check over Daniel. None of them had wanted to take their eyes off him so they milled around in the corridor just outside the infirmary waiting for her to release him. Finally, the door opened and Daniel emerged looking both surprised and pleased to see his former teammates still hanging around waiting for him.

Colonel O’Neill poked his head into the infirmary, “So, Doc, Daniel cleared to go out?”

“Not yet, Colonel. I’m confining him to base for three days just to make sure everything’s okay. After all, we’ve never experienced a descended being before.”

“I have, Janet. It didn’t seem to cause any problems for Orlin,” Sam said.

Janet looked at Sam for a moment, opening her mouth but not saying anything. When she finally spoke, it was to say, “Sorry, guys, Daniel has to stay. I know how much you want to spend time with him and you can, as long as you do it on base. He can stay in the VIP room. It’s bigger so you can spend as much time with him there as you like.”

-----

Daniel tried to keep the smile off his face as the four members of SG-1 accompanied him to the VIP quarters. He was surprised to see Teal’c walking so closely beside him that he was all but touching Daniel. Sam went one step further. Daniel was still furtively watching Teal’c next to him when he felt a hand grasp his. He looked to his right and there was Sam holding his hand. Daniel gave Sam’s hand a little squeeze as he smiled at her. She flushed a little but didn’t let go.

They reached the room. Jack opened the door to let them all in. Daniel sat on the bed, watching everyone standing there looking back at him. No one said anything. The silence grew uncomfortable.

“Okay…yep, it’s the moments like this that I descended for,” he said.

“Yeah, well….hmmm,” Jack said, looking anywhere but at Daniel.

Teal’c said nothing.

“So, I’m back…”

“Yep, you’re back… Nice—to have you back, by the way.”

“Thanks, Jack.”

“Guys, this is ridiculous,” Sam said blushing.

“So Jonas,” Daniel said.

Jonas looked at him with a startled expression.

“Oooh, deer in the headlights,” Daniel said under his breath with a twinkle in his eye.

Teal’c said nothing but raised an eyebrow.

Daniel was becoming ill-at-ease with everyone else’s obvious discomfort. He tried to lighten the mood.

“So…Did you miss me?”

Wrong question , he thought as he saw tears well up in Sam’s eyes. Teal’c remained silent but Daniel noticed his jaw muscles working. Jonas’s only reaction was to watch the reactions of the others. Jack was the one whose reaction surprised Daniel. He was suddenly neutral and guarded. As if shutters had closed over the windows to his soul. Boy, it didn’t take him long to stifle his joy at my return, Daniel thought.

Jack’s reply was light and sarcastic. “Of course we missed you, Daniel. I’ve had to be nice to Jonas for months now. It’ll be so good to get back to normal.”

“Does that mean you’re not going to be nice to me anymore?” Jonas asked.

“No, it means I’m not going to be nice to Daniel.”

“Gee thanks, Jack.”

“Wow, it’s late,” Sam said, looking at her watch. “We should get out of here and let Daniel get some sleep.”

“Yeah, I’m a little tired. I’m not too used to having a body again yet. The energy is different, you know?” He said cocking his head. “No, I guess you wouldn’t…Never mind.”

Daniel’s four friends filed out to get some sleep themselves, all planning to spend as much time with him as possible the next day.

^ ^ ^

Unfortunately, they were only able to spend time together during the morning debriefing, which was quite lengthy thanks to the unusual events of the previous day. Jack spent the rest of his day writing the report of the mission, Jonas started processing all the information they’d gleaned about the building and its people occasionally calling on Daniel for help. Sam worked on her research project concerning wormhole theory and time travel, while Teal’c worked out in the gym and meditated.

Daniel’s day, when not being interrupted by Jonas, was spent largely in the infirmary for more checkups and filling out reams of paperwork. The downside of descending back to a life in the United States was bureaucratic red tape, none of which was geared for people who were previously ascended.

The only good news Daniel received that day was to find out that his furniture and most of his personal effects were in storage. The plan had been to sell them off but because the US Government was in charge, no one had gotten around to it yet, much to Daniel’s surprised pleasure. He’d have to look for a new place to live as soon as he was out of quarantine.

Early in the afternoon, Daniel was casually resting on one of the beds dressed in white scrubs when Sam showed up.

“Oh, here you are, Daniel.” She said smiling. I came up a couple times earlier but you were busy.”

“Yep, I’ve spent the whole day getting poked and prodded. Don’t know what the Doc’s looking for. I wish they’d let me just get back to more important things, you know? What are you up to?”

“Not much. It’s been hard to concentrate knowing you’re around.”

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. I’m so glad is all. It’s hard to let you be out of sight. I keep wanting to come find you. Touch you, to tell if you’re real.”

Daniel gave her a warm smile, feeling happy that she had so genuinely missed him. He had missed her too, in the many moments his thoughts had turned to the SGC. What he really had missed, though, was physical contact. He left the bed to hug Sam. She held him for a long time. He kissed the top of her head as she stood there, both of them reveling in the sensation—Daniel because he could actually touch someone and Sam because it was Daniel.

She touched him frequently as she plied him with questions. He did his best to answer her as he asked questions of his own. Finally, Sam took her leave of Daniel after telling him that she still had a lot to do on her research. Since they were going to be home for a few days, she wanted to make some progress.

Before Daniel was out of the infirmary, Teal’c found him.

“Daniel Jackson.”

“Hey, Teal’c, how are you?”

“I am well. I came to inquire the same of you.”

“I’m great, actually. Hoping I can get back into the swing of things around here soon.”

“I am certain General Hammond wishes for that as well.”

Teal’c stood there silent, but Daniel thought he could still read Teal’c pretty well.

“Teal’c? Was there something else?”

Teal’c looked uncertain, almost timid, something Daniel hadn’t seen in him before. Rather than say anything, Daniel merely looked at him puzzled.

“I…wish to inquire…” Teal’c said, “If perhaps you would be willing to watch a Tau’ri movie with me. I have long wanted to see the one about the archaeologist. I thought perhaps you might enjoy such a film.”

Daniel smiled warmly. “I’m sure I would Teal’c. I don’t recall any movies about archaeologists though.”

“It is a favorite of O’Neill’s called Raiders of the Lost Ark. I have not seen it, but O’Neill says that I will enjoy it as much as Star Wars, although I am not certain of this.”

“He’s right Teal’c. You’ll love it, and I’d love to watch it with you,” Daniel said amused and pleased.

Teal’c smiled one of his Teal’c smiles and bowed a farewell to Daniel. “Then I will anticipate it with great enthusiasm as well, Daniel Jackson.”

Daniel was beginning to think Janet didn’t want him out of her sight by the time she finally dismissed him late in the afternoon. He was relieved. He hadn’t told anyone how being alone in the infirmary recalled the suffering and pain he’d had to deal with from the radiation poisoning. These past few days spent with his friends had brought back sad, painful memories of what he’d seen them go through in watching him die by degrees. The longer he remained in the infirmary, the worse he felt. Now he needed to get his mind off the painful past before he succumbed to it.

He went down to General Hammond’s office and knocked on the door.

“Come.”

Daniel entered to see Hammond almost jump up from his seat, grinning at him in true pleasure. Daniel’s sadness from his time in the infirmary vanished in his surprise at seeing the General so enthusiastic over his unexpected arrival in his office.

“Doctor Jackson! Come in and have a seat.”

“Thanks, General.”

“Are you getting settled all right?”

“Oh yeah. I could do with a little less time in the infirmary, but you know Doctor Fraiser. Can’t leave any stone unturned.” He laughed as he realized the expression applied to himself more literally. The comment wasn’t lost on Hammond who joined him in chuckling.

“Everyone treating you okay?”

“Sure, no problem. In fact, I stopped by to see if it would be all right if Jonas Quinn and I shared my old office, which I’ve heard is now his. Apparently, all my stuff is still there so I’d like access to it.”

“Have you talked to Jonas about it?”

“Not in so many words, but he offered it to me back on 449. I think I could live with both of us using it and I know he’s used to being there now, so….”

“I don’t have a problem with that. Why don’t you discuss it with him and if you can come to an agreement, you have my blessing.”

“Thanks, General.”

“By the way, how has Colonel O’Neill been treating you since you’ve been back?”

The question startled Daniel. It had never occurred to him that Jack wouldn’t be anything but happy with his return. Despite the difficulties they’d had in their relationship over the years, he was certain of Jack’s deep caring for him. Although there was that moment when he closed himself off…

“Fine, no problem—why? Is there something going on I need to know about?”

“No, not really…Forget I asked about him. I’m sure everything’s fine,” General Hammond said, dismissing Daniel as the phone rang.

Daniel absently watched the General answer the phone, curious as well as puzzled by this last exchange. While he’d been ascended and lurking around the SGC, had something gone on with Jack he hadn’t been aware of? He’d have to pay more attention to see if he could figure it out.

“And Doctor Jackson?” General Hammond said, putting his hand over the phone’s mouthpiece.

Daniel had turned to leave but now he looked back.

“It really is good to have you back. It truly hasn’t been the same without you.”

Daniel felt as warmed by the General’s comments as he had when Sam held his hand. He walked down the hall whistling. He felt high. To have a body again! To be able to interact with anyone anytime. To be able to feel and touch and get out of breath. To be able to meddle. He savored it all.

He decided to go pay a Jack visit, but as he turned a corner, he literally ran right into him. He cringed, expecting Jack to growl at this but was surprised to see the succession of expressions Jack briefly revealed before he could make his face neutral. Jack’s initial startled look gave way to a crinkle-eyed grin, quickly followed by warm affection, which morphed into uncertainty, annoyance, more uncertainty and then neutrality. Daniel was amazed that anyone could flit through so many emotions so quickly. He chose not to acknowledge any of them. He was just relieved Jack hadn’t growled after all.

“Hi, Jack. I was just coming to see you.”

“What about?”

“Oh, nothing, just visiting. I thought it would be nice to spend some time with you without having to watch you suffer.” Oh great one, Daniel, open mouth and insert foot, he thought as he saw Jack’s neutral expression close down to become guarded.

“Yeah, we’ll have to get together real soon,” Jack said flatly, continuing on his way.

“Jack!” Daniel called.

Jack stopped and looked back at him. “I’m in a hurry, Daniel.”

Daniel started to apologize for his stupid comment but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, he said, “Teal’c wants to watch Raiders with me. Can we come over and watch it at your house?”

“Sure, Daniel, no problem…any time,” Jack said, with a dismissive wave.

“Okay,” he said then under his breath added, “Bye Jack. Sorry about my stupid comment.”

As he changed direction to go to his own office instead of Jack’s, Daniel sighed and reflected on General Hammond’s question concerning Jack in light of how Jack had just reacted to him. Daniel was unsettled and felt a little less on top of the world now.

It was still late afternoon and although Daniel wasn’t bored yet, he knew that if he couldn’t start using his computer and his office soon, he’d get there very quickly. Tonight, though, he was looking forward to some solitude in the VIP quarters. He’d been alone so often while ascended, he’d gotten used to it and now, with all these people around, he found he missed the peace and quiet. He felt a little guilty about it, since he had missed everyone more than he’d realized but right now, he only wanted them in small doses. He also needed some time to get used to being among the living, being in the SGC and with his friends on a daily basis again. And to acclimate to having a body with all the good and bad things that entailed.

He didn’t get his wish that evening though. One by one, all the members of SG-1 showed up in his VIP quarters, including Jack. He didn’t say anything about the intrusion because he knew they’d never understand. He also knew it would hurt their feelings, which was the last thing he wanted.

“You know, we could watch the movie Teal’c wants to see…” Daniel suggested, trying to avoid an uncomfortable moment like the night before.

“I think we should all go out,” Sam countered.

“I’m not allowed out yet,” Daniel said.

“We’d have a lot more fun going out. Come on,” Sam persisted.

“You know, it wouldn’t be hard to sneak Daniel out of here…” They all looked at Jack in surprise because usually it took a bigger issue than this for Jack to be willing to flout the rules. Daniel’s surprise was more that Jack wanted to join in the fun. He hadn’t seemed too enthusiastic to spend time with Daniel when he had run into him earlier.

Debate followed over the pro’s and con’s, but in the end, despite the danger of disobeying doctor’s orders, they thought time spent enjoying Daniel was worth it. In fact, they wished they could ask Doctor Fraiser and General Hammond to join them.

Getting Daniel off the base was ridiculously easy. Word traveled fast around places like the SGC but the rumor mill announcing his return would need another day to travel to the folks manning the entrance to the base. SG-1 just put Daniel in their midst and talked animatedly to distract anyone who saw them from paying too much attention to a fifth member of the team.

They decided to go to O’Malley’s since they had such fond memories of the time they’d been there with their performance-enhancing armbands. They only hoped the staff there wouldn’t remember them.

They were in luck. The waitress who handed them menus and took their drink orders was new. When she brought the drinks, Daniel was the one who made the first toast. They were also fortunate to be there after the dinner rush. There was hardly a customer in the place. Not too likely for them to get into trouble with anyone tonight.

“Um…I want to let you all know that despite the vastness of the universe being at my disposal, the SGC is the place I missed and, uh, you are the people I wanted to share my life with every day…” Daniel trailed off when his voice cracked.

Sam took over, “I know I speak for all of us when I tell you how great it is to have you back, Daniel. It wasn’t the same without you and now it feels like we are whole again.”

Jonas smiled but it wavered uncertainly.

Jack raised his glass, “Hear, hear! Or, as we say in Minnesota, Skoal!” and with that he drank a large draught of his beer. When he put his glass down, he said, “It’s great to have you back, Daniel. I guess life went on, but it wasn’t the same…”

-----

Teal’c remained silent, watching them all, but mostly keeping his eyes on Daniel.

Sometime during dinner the conversation turned to missions and reminiscing about their adventures. When telling Daniel about the missions he’d missed, they were surprised at how much he already knew. It gave credence to his sentiments about missing the SGC to find that he’d kept himself in the loop.

Eventually, as the beer went down, the tales grew bigger, although they were still careful to make sure there was a lull in the conversation whenever the waitress came around so she couldn’t overhear anything of a sensitive nature. Major Carter and Daniel Jackson were telling Jonas Quinn about some of Daniel’s close calls, making them a lot funnier than the events had been in real life. Teal’c sat in silence listening to the embellishments of these Tau’ri, thinking how Jaffa warriors did much the same thing when recounting battle stories. O’Neill had joined in with enthusiasm at the beginning, but as the stories became more numerous, only Teal’c noticed when he dropped out of the conversation, growing silent.

It was only during a lull in the conversation late into the evening that Teal’c noticed Major Carter’s growing awareness that the Colonel had been silent for some time. O’Neill was staring at his beer, rolling the nearly empty glass in his hands as Major Carter gazed at him.

“Sir?”

“Huh?” he looked up absently.

“You okay?”

“Sure. Why?”

“I don’t know. You’ve gotten awfully quiet. Something on your mind?”

“No.”

Teal’c noticed Major Carter’s puzzled face when she turned to look at him. Teal’c returned the look with a subtle concerned tilt of his head with a raised eyebrow. O’Neill’s mood in the past twenty-four hours had fluctuated hot and cold and Teal’c had seen him go from one extreme to the other during dinner. He could tell that Major Carter and Daniel Jackson had seen it as well. Teal’c knew she would understand the unspoken message he was sending her and, indeed, her face changed as she comprehended the meaning behind his expression. Teal’c was aware that Daniel Jackson had caught the exchange and understood it as well.

O’Neill was once again staring at his now empty glass and had not looked up during this nonverbal conversation. Teal’c didn’t know what had triggered the change in O’Neill. He didn’t think the others knew either.

They left shortly after that and had no trouble successfully getting Daniel back to his quarters. After infiltrating Goa’uld mother ships, sneaking around a military base was nothing.

Chapter Three

It was an odd thing, Jonas Quinn thought. He was still using Daniel Jackson’s office as his own, as he had been since joining SG-1, but he felt ill at ease in it now with Doctor Jackson back. Jonas was feeling a little put out, a man without a home, even though Doctor Jackson had agreed to share the space. They were in this office now attempting to reorganize the office’s contents so that both would feel comfortable sharing the space together. Daniel was doing his best to make Jonas try to relax.

Jonas also felt uncomfortable being with Doctor Jackson after having read his journals to get up to speed on SG-1’s missions and discoveries. Unintentionally, he had become fascinated reading all the doctor’s musings about his teammates. Now Jonas felt embarrassed about how much he knew about Doctor Jackson’s opinions of his colleagues. Upon spending some time with the man himself, he felt like a voyeur but simultaneously was in awe of the workings of the man’s mind after he’d also read his detailed notes and research.

“So do you think the SGC will give me my own computer?” Jonas asked as he handed some files to the archaeologist. He had told Doctor Jackson to change the password so he could have sole proprietorship of his accessory brain. One’s computer could be such a personal thing on this world, Jonas had learned, and scientists especially coveted and protected their machines.

“I’m sure they will, but sometimes the wheels of bureaucracy work slowly, so let’s pick out a mutual password we can both use and we can share my computer for now.”

“Thanks, Doctor Jackson, I really appreciate it. I hope you won’t have to do this for very long. I know it must be hard on you.” Jonas appreciated the magnanimous offer, but knew it came at a price for Doctor Jackson. It must be hard for him to try to plug back in to the familiar circuitry of the SGC after everyone had moved on without him, so that it might not be so familiar after all. Jonas was grateful he was the new guy and didn’t have any comparisons to make about the SGC.

Jonas’s difficulty was feeling haunted by the recent memory of what had happened on Kelowna. He thought he’d dealt with it but Doctor Jackson’s presence brought back Jonas’s guilt over the whole event in full force.

Daniel broke into Jonas’s musing. “It’s the least I could do for all the help you’ve tried to give SG-1 in my absence,” he said looking at Jonas. Jonas could see by a wistful look in his eyes that Doctor Jackson yearned for his old life back the way it was. As if he’d never left.

“I’m so sorry,” Jonas blurted as a reply.

“For what?” Daniel cocked his head looking puzzled.

“For what I didn’t do on Kelowna. SG-1 wouldn’t have needed my help if I’d—”

“Jonas, it’s done. You can’t turn back time—at least not until we get a handle on time travel. And I have a second chance at life, so it wasn’t such a dire event as far as I’m concerned.”

“Still, after everything you went through, and all of the grief people around here went through…”

“Would it help if I said I forgive you? I do, you know. No hard feelings, Jonas, okay? It’ll be hard to get any work done around here if you’re constantly groveling, although I wouldn’t mind having my own personal sycophant…” Daniel smiled at Jonas to put him at ease. Jonas had been ready to agree to be his servant before he realized it was a joke. He flushed in embarrassment.

He wanted to become friends with this man who had saved Kelowna. Doctor Jackson had been willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice for a people he barely knew. Had acted instinctively, displaying incredible bravery, while Jonas had stood rooted to the spot. Everything that he had seen, read and studied showed that Daniel Jackson was a person whom Jonas should respect and learn from. He desired this friendship as much as he had desired acceptance from Colonel O’Neill. And he’d recently received that, so maybe this could happen too.

Jonas tried to get his mind off his remorse. “So, how does it feel to be back?”

Doctor Jackson smiled as he momentarily stopped putting his books on a shelf. “Most of the base personnel have been really welcoming.” Doctor Jackson went back to putting his books on the newly dusted shelves, arranging them first by category then alphabetically by author.

Jonas was collating files by planet, date and sometimes by topic as they talked.

“Was it hard for you, at first?” Doctor Jackson asked Jonas.

“You mean when I got to Earth, or being part of SG-1?”

“I was kind of thinking in regard to Jack. I’m sure he wasn’t too thrilled to have you around.”

Jonas shrugged. “I guess you know Colonel O’Neill pretty well, huh? He wasn’t too friendly at first but he’s treated me all right.” Then Jonas smiled. “Lately he’s been surprising me with some of the things he’s said to me. Last time I was in the infirmary he told me to get well soon because I was needed.”

“Well, that’s great. He can be kinda—” Doctor Jackson broke off as the subject of their conversation came wheeling through the open door.

“Hidey-ho, Neighborinos! If it isn’t Rod and Todd in the flesh!” Colonel O’Neill exclaimed cryptically.

Jonas looked stricken and noticed Doctor Jackson looked merely puzzled.

The Colonel’s eyes moved from Jonas to Daniel and back. “What? Were you talking about me or something? You look like my ears should be burning…”

“We weren’t saying anything bad…” Jonas was saying when Doctor Jackson spoke over his words to ask, “So who are Rod and Todd?” cocking his head as he did so.

“Ned Flanders’ sons…” Colonel O’Neill said sarcastically, which Jonas didn’t understand.

“Who?” Daniel asked somewhat absently.

“Homer’s neighbor?” O’Neill said this even more pointedly.

“Oh.”

Colonel O’Neill had been looking a little embarrassed after Jonas had admitted that they had been talking about him but now he looked over at Doctor Jackson and scowled. “That show has been on for fourteen years!  Over a third of your life and you still don’t know what I’m talking about! Sheesh, Daniel, I am so disappointed in your lack of interest in contemporary Tau’ri culture.” The Colonel was energetic in his good-natured diatribe.

“What is he talking about?” Jonas asked looking at Doctor Jackson.

“It’s a cartoon show on TV.”

“A cartoon show? It’s the only show on TV worth watching! Just because it happens to be animated—you insult me!” the Colonel said with a thrust of his head.

Jonas looked at Doctor Jackson as the doctor shrugged, both of them sharing expressions of mutual enjoyment at the Colonel’s mock irritation. Then Jonas said to Colonel O’Neill, “Maybe you’ll let me watch it with you sometime so I can make up my own mind?”

“That would be fine. In fact, why don’t you both come over and watch. Sometime soon. It’s a date,” Colonel O’Neill said bouncing on his toes. Jonas had never seen him quite so light-hearted. So this is what he must have been like before Doctor Jackson left, he thought. Jonas looked over at Doctor Jackson to see his reaction to Colonel O’Neill’s lightheartedness. He didn’t know what he thought he’d see but certainly hadn’t expected bewilderment to show on the archaeologist’s face.

The Colonel gave them a little self-satisfied smile, grabbed the frame of the doorway and swung around it to leave. Then he popped his head back in to say, “By the way, I forgot to tell you, we’re going on a little mission tomorrow. Jonas, I’d like you on the team. The Doc and the General haven’t totally cleared Danny yet for missions so he gets to stay home.” Then he turned to Daniel, “We have to go back to the planet we found you on, Daniel. You think you could fill Jonas in on the rudiments of the language so we can make nice with the natives?”

“You found people there?” Doctor Jackson said brightening.

“Yeah, the UAV went a little further afield and we came across a village. But don’t get too excited. It’s just routine. We won’t even be gone overnight. Just going on a meet-and-greet.”

“Jack, are you sure I can’t go?”

“Next time Daniel.”

Doctor Jackson sighed. Then as the Colonel was leaving again, Daniel added, “And Jack? Instead of saying ‘hi’, try ‘aloha’. Hawaiian is in the same language family as that planet’s.”

Colonel O’Neill gave him a hint of a smile, tapped the doorframe as he pulled back and left.

^ ^ ^

The next morning, the four SG-1 members going off world met in the Gate Room. General Hammond was there to bid them adieu as usual. Doctor Jackson was absent.

“I want you back here no later than eight hours from now. We’ll open the Gate then, if we haven’t heard from you, and try to contact you via the MALP.”

“Yes, Sir,” Jack said. They were all outfitted as usual with their P-90’s, zats strapped to their legs and Teal’c with his staff weapon. Doctor Jackson had told them that the style and art of the building they’d been in most resembled the ancient Maori of New Zealand, the most warlike of all the Polynesian groups.

Doctor Jackson had given Jonas two small paperback books, one on the Hawaiian language and one on the Maori language that he’d picked up in New Zealand. He had told Jonas that he hoped they would be useful. Jonas had taken them gratefully, feeling a little unworthy.

Once through the Gate, Jonas breathed in deeply. The air was so fresh with the green jungle fragrance of the plants. He was excited to be back and was anticipating meeting the people.

The UAV had found the village about a half hour’s walk further from the building they’d been lost in when they’d met Doctor Jackson, but it was in a slightly different direction. This was unfortunate because they couldn’t use the path they’d already hacked through the jungle. It was odd that there was no path to the village from the Stargate. Jonas wondered if they ever used their Gate. They must know about it, after all it wasn’t that far away.

They hadn’t gone far when Jonas suddenly saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Teal’c had seen it, too, but before he could raise his staff weapon, a small human projectile shot out from the nearby foliage and collided with him. It was a round-faced chunky child, who was about the height of Teal’c’s midsection, right about at the level of where his prim’ta had been. The child looked up at Teal’c, startled at the collision, then his eyes changed to panicked fear as he saw the formidable dark giant towering above him. The child whirled around with a terrified gasp and launched himself away from Teal’c blindly, almost immediately colliding with Colonel O’Neill. The child grabbed him around the waist and held on for dear life.

The Colonel put his arms protectively around the child as Jonas heard more commotion from the bushes. This time it was louder and composed of a collection of voices. A group of children of varying sizes stumbled out in front of SG-1. When the youths saw adults protecting what appeared to be their prey, they turned tail and ran.

The little child clung to the Colonel as if he were the child’s father. Colonel O’Neill looked as stunned as Jonas felt. Then Jonas watched astonished as the Colonel knelt to the level of the little child and held him close, stroking his hair and soothing him with quiet murmurings. Jonas didn’t know Colonel O’Neill was capable of such behavior and it amazed him.

When the Colonel started to stand, the little child wrapped his legs and arms around him and wouldn’t let go, so he resorted to picking up the stocky child, shrugging at the others as they watched, the youngster clinging to his neck, legs wrapped securely around the Colonel’s waist.

Jonas stole a look at Major Carter to see how she was taking all this in. He was again surprised to see her smiling. She didn’t look at all surprised.

The little child was relaxing now, his breathing slowing from a panicked pant to merely an occasional sigh. Colonel O’Neill relaxed his grip and when the child relaxed too, he put him down and knelt in front of him so he could look him in the eye.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

The child looked at him, puzzled, but no longer afraid.

“Aloha?” Colonel O’Neill tried.

The child smiled and spoke. “Koe aroha ahau?”

Jonas was watching this when it suddenly dawned on him that he had the two books Daniel had given him. He didn’t pay attention to which book he was looking at but quickly flipped to the index to look up the words the child had just spoken.

“Jonas?” Colonel O’Neill asked, looking at him quizzically.

“I don’t know, Colonel. I can’t find anything that really fits. Nearest I can make out the words mean ‘remain love’. I can’t figure out the last word.”

“Maybe you want to try the other book?”

“Oh, of course. Just a minute.”

As Jonas frantically tried to look up the words in the other book, hoping he hadn’t forgotten what the words were, Colonel O’Neill asked the child another question. “What’s your name?” Jonas looked up curiously, as the Colonel pointed at himself and said, “Jack.”

The child looked puzzled, trying to say the strange word. “Taka. Haka? Heke?”

“Jack,” he said again. Then, when there was no further response, he pointed back to the child and gave a questioning look.

“Oni.”

Colonel O’Neill positively lit up as he pointed to himself and responded, “O’Neill! See, our names are almost alike!”

The little child smiled back and said, “Onira!” then pointed back to himself and said “Oni,” pointed to Colonel O’Neill and said “Onira. Oni-Onira.”

Jonas smiled at the tender scene then had a pang as he realized he’d forgotten about the translation. He couldn’t remember what the words had been now, supplanted by “Oni-Onira”, so he gave up. Colonel O’Neill also seemed to have forgotten with this breakthrough so Jonas closed the book.

Colonel O’Neill pointed to Jonas and said his name.

“Hona,” came out of the child’s mouth. Not too bad, Jonas thought.

“Teal’c.”

“Tiaki.” Also, not too bad, but as he said it, he looked away from Teal’c and stood a little closer to the Colonel for protection. Jonas didn’t blame him. Teal’c looked scary in the best of circumstances.

Teal’c saw this and relaxed his posture, lowering his staff weapon. He tried his best to smile at him.

“Carter,” O’Neill continued, pointing to the Major and not noticing Teal’c’s actions.

Easy. “Kata.”

“So, are you a girl or a boy?” Colonel O’Neill asked.

“I think she’s a girl,” Major Carter answered.

“How do you know, Major?” Jonas asked.

“I don’t know…I can just tell. Maybe it’s because I was one once.”

Jonas felt his face blush when he realized he’d been thinking the child had been a boy. It was so hard to tell. The child had black hair cut to neck length. She had dark brown eyes and with the round face, and somewhat strong features; she didn’t look particularly feminine. She was wearing no top and a short skirt, but that didn’t mean anything because they hadn’t met anyone else other than the children chasing her and he didn’t remember what they were wearing.

“Oni? Can you take us to your village? To your leader?” Colonel O’Neill asked.

“‘Take us to your leader?’ Colonel, please!” Major Carter said rolling her eyes. Jonas didn’t understand why she’d made that comment.

Colonel O’Neill reddened, looking chagrined.

“What?” Jonas asked finally, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“Colonel ‘You-know-how-I-hate-clichés’ just used about the biggest one in the book when it comes to first contact with alien races!” Major Carter said, looking like she didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or kick him.

“And just which book would you be referring to, Major? The one on cliché’s or the one on first contact with alien races?” Colonel O’Neill asked. Jonas was getting to know him well enough that he could tell this was said to try to cover his embarrassment over being caught in the cliché.

Jonas smiled as he came to the Colonel’s rescue. He opened the Maori book and looked up the words for village and leader. “Colonel, the word for village is ‘pa’ and the word for chief is ‘rangatira’.

Colonel O’Neill looked at Oni and repeated the two words. Her face brightened. So this language, if it wasn’t exactly Maori, was close enough that she’d understood.

Colonel O’Neill pointed in a couple different directions and looked puzzled, then repeated the two words. She understood and pointed in the direction of the village. He took her hand then and indicated for her to lead them.

They didn’t get very far when a party of five adults came to meet them, led by the oldest of the children who had been chasing her.

 “Tenei ratou!” he said, pointing at SG-1.

“Aloha!” Jack said casually waving “hi” with a folksy smile.

“Aroha? Ko wai ratou?” one of the adults asked.

Oni pointed to each in turn and said, “Tiaki, Hona, Kata.” Then, still holding the Colonel’s hand she smiled up at him and then back at the villagers and said, “Tenei taku hoa, Onira.”

“Ko tehea tumuaki?”

“Onira.”

The adult who hadn’t been talking looked directly at Jack and said, “Hoariri ranei hoa?”

Jack looked at him blankly.

Jonas was frantically flipping through the Maori book.

One of the other adults stepped up to the Colonel and asked, “Mohio koe?”

Jonas couldn’t keep up with all the questions they were asking. He didn’t know which were more important to answer. He looked at the villagers and shrugged, holding his book open to show them he was trying.

When the Colonel gave no response, the villager went to Jonas and asked the same question. He must have seen Jonas flipping through the book and guessed what he was trying to do. Speaking again, slowly and clearly, the villager repeated, “Mo-hi-o ko-e?” Then he waited while Jonas looked up the words. Understand you? he finally deciphered.

“Oh!” he exclaimed. “He just asked me if I understand him.”

“Well, do you?” asked the Colonel pointedly.

“No…”

“Then tell him.”

Jonas looked through the book for the word no. “Kahore,” he said shaking his head.

They looked at him puzzled. He thought he’d said it correctly, but he repeated it anyway, “Kahore.”

The man talking to him nodded. “Kahore,” he repeated.

“Jonas Quinn.”

Jonas looked at Teal’c.

“You are confusing these people. Like on many worlds, nonverbal gestures are not universal. In this culture, it appears that shaking your head means ‘yes’ and nodding means ‘no’. Thus you have confused them by your words not being consistent with your actions,” Teal’c explained.

“Oh. Sorry. Kahore,” he repeated once again, this time nodding.

The same man then said something that sounded like a completely different language, “Parles vu Fransa?”

Jonas had studied Goa’uld, Abydonian, Egyptian, and was learning Teal’c’s native language, but this one was another strange one, unrelated to any of the others. He wished with all his heart that Daniel Jackson were here in his place.

“Oh my God,” Major Carter broke in, “I think that’s similar to French!”

“Je parle Français,” she told him.

“C’es bonn, Madam Kata!” said the man.

Even though the dialects were from different planets, Major Carter and Tipu, as they found out his name was, could understand each other fairly well.

The rest of the mission went uneventfully once the language barrier was broken. They were welcomed into the village and spent an afternoon learning as much as they could before they had to return to the Stargate at the appointed time.

As he stepped through the Stargate, the first person Jonas saw waiting for them was Doctor Jackson with a grin on his face. Jonas watched as each member of SG-1 greeted him as if they’d been gone for a month. Major Carter warmly hugged him and didn’t take her eyes off him as the others took their turns. Teal’c bowed his head and said “Tek’ma’tek, Daniel Jackson,” as he gripped his arm as a fellow warrior well-met. And Colonel O’Neill…Jonas had never seen such a big warm smile on his face as he patted his friend’s cheek then gripped the back of his neck, giving it a warm squeeze as he exclaimed, “Air monkey!”

^ ^ ^

At the debriefing the next morning, Jonas was given the honor of explaining what they’d learned, even though Major Carter had done all the communicating.

“This group of people was indeed once warlike, much as their kin, the Maori, but they have matured sociologically over the past few generations to make treaties with their former enemies. Now they work together for the mutual advancement of their race in hopes of catching up with some of the more advanced cultures on their planet.

“The technology in the building we were in was given to them by the Gaullans, the most advanced of the planet’s civilizations. They did it as a gesture of good-will because they would like to use this side of the planet for pleasure and recreation due to its tropical climate.”

Jonas was speaking faster, getting excited about telling them all he’d learned, when Doctor Jackson interrupted him.

“So why do they have the Stargate and not one of the more advanced cultures?”

“I don’t specifically know, except to tell you that this is another planet, like Earth, which has two Gates. And, the most important facet of this planet for us is that they have technology to be able to travel between them. In fact, these people don’t use their Gate for off-world travel. They just use it on rare occasions to go back and forth to the Gaullans who have the other Stargate. I don’t know if they only use it that way as well. We didn’t have time to travel there and ask.”

“Haven’t they ever tried to dial any other addresses?” Doctor Jackson asked.

“Actually, they have, but since they didn’t know their own address, whoever traveled out, couldn’t get back.”

“Don’t they have to dial their address to come back from the other Gate?” General Hammond asked.

“Of course not,” Doctor Jackson chimed in, “You’d get a busy signal, remember? So their way to dial the other Gate must not involve the DHD.”

“Right, it’s some other control device the Gaullans invented. Not unlike Major Carter helping devise our computer dialer. They have one other use for the Gate, though,” Jonas continued. “They have a couple addresses they’ve discovered over the years by dialing the Gate at random. When their people die, they send their dead bodies through as part of their funeral service. Saves on burials and cremations. Pretty pragmatic actually.”

Major Carter said, “They must not die very often because their Gate and the path to it were all overgrown. They must use it very rarely.”

“I can see it now, dead bodies shooting out of some poor planet’s Stargate. Those litterers!” said Colonel O’Neill, and then added, “We should give them our address. Bodies hit the iris—well, the old bugs-on-a-windshield metaphor comes to mind, but don’t tell them that. And it’s good for the environment, at least for all those worlds they’re currently polluting with their dead.”

Jonas could see General Hammond trying to stifle a smile as he dismissed them from the debriefing. Jonas was gathering up his material when he noticed Doctor Jackson approach General Hammond.

”General,” Doctor Jackson said earnestly, “I could have gone on this mission! There was nothing to it. And it would have saved Jonas a lot of grief since I knew the rudiments of their language. And French, my God! I’ve been fluent in French since I was a kid. It was one of the first languages I learned.”

Jonas stopped what he was doing to stand there and listen.

“Doctor Jackson, in hindsight I agree with you, but at the time we just didn’t know what we were going to be up against. Colonel O’Neill thought we should err on the side of keeping you home this time since it’s been a while since you’ve been on a mission—”

“Wait a minute! You think I would get rusty because I’ve been gone a few months?”

“It’s been closer to a year, Doctor Jackson.”

“That’s beside the point. What do you think I was doing while I was ascended, twiddling my thumbs? I was here, keeping up with what was going on and exploring the universe…and I’ve learned so much. So much more than I knew before. I would have been more help than hindrance, I assure you!”

“I know, Doctor, but Colonel O’Neill convinced me it was important to keep you here. He didn’t want to take any chances over your safety when we got you back so recently. I must confess to selfishly wanting you to be here myself, where I knew you were safe. I apologize for my error in judgment. I’ll see to it that the restriction is lifted immediately.”

“ Thank you.” And with that, Doctor Jackson left.

Jonas finished gathering up his presenting material and was about to leave when he overheard Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter, who had yet to leave their seats, talking over at the far end of the conference table. He pretended to have something to do so he could listen.

“So,” Colonel O’Neill said, “When we first met the villagers, why did they look at me so weird when I said ‘aloha’?”

Carter smiled. “Tipu told me when you first said it they were confused because in their language it means ‘love’. I think it means ‘love’ in Hawaiian too, if I remember right, but apparently, while the Hawaiians use it as a general hello-type greeting, these folks don’t, so you confused them.”

“So I was basically telling them I loved them?”

“Apparently.”

“Hmmm…I guess I can see where that would come across as a little weird. Especially while carrying our weapons. I guess that explains why Oni likes me.”

“Oni likes you because you are the Child Whisperer.”

“What?”

“Let’s just say you have a way with kids that borders on the mystical, Sir.”

Colonel O’Neill cocked his head for a moment then gave her a self-satisfied little smirk.

Jonas picked up his material and walked out wondering if he would ever get to know these people as well as they knew each other.

Chapter Four

Jack made his way back to his office, warmed by what Carter had said about being a Child Whisperer. He wished he had that kind of mystical magnetism with Daniel. He wanted to draw Daniel to him so he could keep him safe like he had with Oni. And like he hadn’t with Charlie.

Ahh…Charlie…

He worried about whether the same old Daniel had returned; the one who wandered off and touched things he shouldn’t. After seeing Daniel touching the painted columns in the building on P4-whatever, he rather thought so.

Ahh…Daniel…

Jack opened the door to his office to be greeted by Daniel himself sitting in Jack’s desk chair. So, are you going to show up every time I’m thinking about you? Jack wondered. His eyebrows raised at Daniel when he realized, Actually, that could come in handy—I’d always be able to find you…

“What?” Daniel inquired.

“Nothing.”

“You were giving me a look.”

“No I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Were.”

“Wasn’t.”

“Jaaack…”

“Daniel…”

By now, they were both grinning like fools.

“Space Monkey.”

“Flyboy.”

“Get outta my chair.”

“I was here first.”

“Whiner.”

“Pedant.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“Yep, these are the Daniel Jackson moments I missed the most.”

“Me too, Jack,” only when Daniel said it he didn’t look like he was joking anymore. Jack didn’t let on that he hadn’t been joking when he’d said it either.

Jack sat on the edge of his desk facing Daniel. “So what brings you here, Space Monkey, or should I call you ‘Oh Airless One’?”

“Better not, Jack, because that just begs for me to call you ‘Oh Air-headed One’.”

Jack tried to scowl but he was having too much fun. Instead, he felt himself smiling as he asked, “So, what are you doing here anyway?”

“Umm…actually…uh…I was talking with General Hammond after the debriefing and he told me you had told him you didn’t want me going off world yet.”

“Yeaahh…”

“Why?”

Jack didn’t really know why he hadn’t wanted Daniel to go. It had seemed safe enough. “I wasn’t sure you were ready to go off world yet. I wanted to make sure you’d had enough time to get acclimated to being back first.” It was as good an answer as any, Jack thought. And probably true, too. Maybe. He shrugged.

“Consider me acclimated.”

“Okay.”

“General Hammond took off any restrictions on me so I can go off world any time.”

“He did?” Jack felt uneasy, but didn’t know why Hammond’s decision didn’t sit well with him. Maybe it went back to the conversation at O’Malley’s where Jack had been as carefree as the others, until the reminiscing started turning toward Daniel’s close calls and near-deaths. With their beer-soaked brains, everyone thought the embellished tales were hilarious but Jack had started remembering the agony of repeatedly losing Daniel. Jack shut down on them then and Carter had noticed. He didn’t want to spoil their fun so he hadn’t said anything, not that he was likely to anyway...

Now he wondered if those painful memories had something to do with his reticence to have Daniel start going on missions again. Not that he’d do anything about it. If Hammond had cleared him, then he’d be going.

Jack sighed.

“So, is that going to be a problem for you, Jack?”

“No, it’s fine. Just promise me you won’t get yourself killed—again. Okay, Danny?”

Daniel smiled. “Don’t worry, Jack.”

Chapter Five

Major Samantha Carter was in her office concentrating so hard on what she was doing she didn’t hear the knock on the door. On some subconscious level, she was aware of the door opening but it didn’t warrant her breaking her concentration.

“Sam?”

“Just a minute,” she said absently, still writing notes by hand in between hitting computer keys. She was vaguely conscious that the person hadn’t left but she was too absorbed even to register whose voice it was she had heard say her name.

She stayed with her project long enough to have forgotten anyone was there when she finally put her pencil down and blew out a big lungful of air.

“Ahem—”

She turned around immediately, “Oh…Daniel! I’m so sorry! I forgot someone was waiting for me. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to tell you I’m going on the mission tomorrow as part of SG-1,” he said grinning.

“Daniel, that’s great!” And it was. Sam rose to give Daniel a warm hug of congratulations. In the two weeks since his return, she had never tired of the precious sensation of physical contact with Daniel. She knew she was the only one to take advantage of it since Teal’c was too reserved and the Colonel, well she’d noticed he was vacillating in how he was reacting to Daniel’s presence. So Sam felt she had to do the hugging for all the members of Daniel’s old team; not a hardship she had to admit. And it helped reinforce a truth: Daniel was back.   “It’s too bad we’ve had such a long break between missions. I heard you were cleared right after the debriefing from P4X-449.”

“Yeah, I kinda wonder what’s up with the long break. I don’t mean to sound paranoid, but the General said something about Jack wanting me to stay home. Now that I’ve been cleared, I wonder if he has pulled some strings to keep us all around so nothing can happen to me.”

“Oh I don’t think Colonel O’Neill would resort to tactics like that. After all, what’s the point of SG-1’s existence if we aren’t going on missions with any frequency?”

“I suppose you’re probably right. Guess I’m just feeling a bit insecure with the mixed messages I’m getting from Jack.”

Sam had noticed the pendulum-swing of the Colonel’s attitude as well, but not wanting to stir up that pot with Daniel yet she changed the subject. “Have you found a place to live?”

“Actually, yes. That’s been the one nice thing about having no missions to go on. In fact, I’m getting all my stuff out of storage this weekend. Do you have any time to help me move? I hear you have some of my things and so does Jack, so maybe I can get my stuff from you both then.”

“I’d love to help you move, Daniel. And about your stuff that the Colonel and I took, I hope you aren’t too upset by that. I feel now like we invaded your privacy,” Sam looked at him with concern, “we only took the things that either meant something to us or that we didn’t want falling into certain hands, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, thanks for thinking of that. It is a little weird, though. Sometimes I feel a little like a non-entity, but I don’t blame anyone. It’s not like anyone expected me back, you know? Even I wasn’t expecting me back…” For a moment, he looked a little lost then shook his head as if to clear it and gave a half smile to cover his emotions.

Sam and Daniel were still standing near the door. She removed some stacks of papers and books off a couple chairs and bade him sit.

“Can you hang around for a bit? I haven’t had a chance to talk with you much over the past couple days and I’ve missed that,” Sam said.

“Are you sure I’m not taking you away from your work? You looked pretty absorbed in it.”

“No, I was ready for a break anyway. I’ve been working on this every chance I get between missions.”

“What is it?”

“I’m trying to get a better handle on how time travel affects wormhole theory and vice versa. It’s been bugging me for a while,” she said, then continued in earnest, “I’ve been thinking that if we could just get a better understanding of it all, we could get some control over the time travel part of the theory, not that I think time travel should be a routine part of Gate travel—”

“Yeah, you really don’t want to start screwing with history or timelines…”

“Exactly. But you never know when being able to travel in time will save the planet from the Goa’uld or heaven forbid, ourselves,” she said. “Hey, but I didn’t ask you to stay so we could talk about my research.”

“So, here I am, talk to me,” Daniel said raising his hands.

“Here you are. What a wonderful thing to be able to say, Daniel. We all missed you so much.”

“So you’ve said.” He smiled, blushing a little.

“I mean—” Sam broke off as sudden tears appeared in her eyes. She couldn’t speak for a moment, her eyes aimed at the floor. She couldn’t look at Daniel as she said with a quavering voice, “It was so hard, you know?” Then she did look up to find Daniel looking uncomfortable now and not able to make eye contact himself.

“Sometimes it was hard for me, too, Sam, but I guess since I had access to you whenever I wanted, it really wasn’t the same thing, was it?” Daniel’s head was still down but he raised guilty eyes and looked at her.

“Oh, Daniel,” she said, realizing she was overcome and unable to recover. As the tears started to spill over, Daniel stood up and came over to her, embracing her head to his middle as she sat in her desk chair. She cried harder then at the impact of his physical touch. It was a fine moment to cling to his solid form. What surprised her is how she knew his Daniel smell when she’d never noticed before that he even had his own scent. It was a combination of his soap, laundry detergent and dust from all the artifacts ever-present in his office. She treasured this aroma, not realizing until now how much she had missed it, because it was his.

“I’m so sorry, Sam,” Daniel murmured, pulling her up so he could hold her more fully.

“It’s okay, Daniel. You did what you had to do. I’m glad you made the decision to ascend instead of dying, because now we can have you back. We have another chance to be a family,” she sniffled as she hugged him.

Sam could feel him smile against her head.

“Speaking of family, how’s the head of ours handling all this?

“The General or the Colonel?”

“Jack.”

Sam broke away from hugging Daniel and sat back down. It was too strange to be hugging Daniel when they were discussing Jack O’Neill. Daniel went back to his chair.

“Oh you know the Colonel,” she said. “Always a quip, always changing the subject. Actually, I brought it up with him while the rest of us were still freshly grieving after your ascension. He stuffed his emotions away as usual and I called him on it. He basically told me that we lose people all the time, so just suck it up, Airman.”

“He didn’t! Really? Did he?”

“Not in so many words, but that’s what he meant.”

“Boy! And I thought we were friends.”

Sam felt a twinge of guilt, as Daniel looked truly hurt.

“Daniel, you know Colonel O’Neill. He’s a master at stuffing his feelings so deep I don’t think he even knows they’re there. I’m sure it was a lot harder for him to cope with losing you than he let on. He’s probably still in denial about it, and now you’re back!”

“I’ve noticed him cooling considerably toward me lately. The first few days I was back, he was positively bouncy. I can’t remember when I’ve ever seen him like that for more than a few minutes but he was like that on and off for days. But now, he’s really cooled off toward me. I haven’t seen him upbeat when he’s been around me in almost a week. Sometimes it seems like he’s even avoiding me. Did he say anything to you about what’s going on with him?”

“Daniel, you know he’d never tell anybody what he was feeling. He’ll probably be all right once he gets used to you being back. He’ll take you for granted like you never left.”

“I hope you’re right, Sam. I’m not so sure…”

“One thing about the Colonel, Daniel, he always bounces back. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know I meant a lot to him even though he never talked about it. I’m not that obtuse but I don’t think he’s ever dealt with anything that had quite an impact on him like this.”

“Of course he has, Daniel. He’s lost several people close to him before,” Sam said quietly. “Are you forgetting about his son?”

Daniel blinked, and looked stunned. “Oh God, Sam. How could I forget? Yeah, I guess this isn’t totally new for him, then. Do you think this is all a defense mechanism over Charlie?”

“Look, Daniel, I’m not going to analyze the Colonel more than I already have. It’s his business how he chooses to deal with emotional stress—or not deal with it,” Sam shrugged. “As for how it’s affecting you, I guess I’d ask you to give him a little more time to adjust to your being back. If he keeps acting weird, then maybe I’d ask him about it, but in a roundabout way.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right. Boy, I sure wish he had a better coping mechanism though.”

“It’s not affecting his work, so I guess he’s coping adequately enough.”

“Yeah, but stuff like that comes back to haunt people, usually when you least expect it. This is Jack’s biggest weakness, stuffing everything away, a weakness some enemy could use against him, like Sokar did. That’s all we need, to have Jack fall apart on us at some critical moment.”

“I’m sure he’d never allow that to happen. His guard is quite strong, but if you feel he’s at risk for compromising our missions then go ahead and bring it up with him now. I’m not going to because the one time I did, he pretty effectively shot me down.”

“Maybe I will.”

They changed the subject then, talking about nothing in particular but just enjoying this rare moment of peace together.

That rare moment was cut short by a knock on the door.

“Am I interrupting anything?” Colonel O’Neill asked as he stuck his head around the doorway.

Are your ears burning, Colonel? Sam thought, but said, “No, come on in and join us.”

“Can’t. I just came by to let you know we’re leaving at 0800 tomorrow, and Daniel? Could I see you in my office?”

“Now?”

“Yeah, now’s as good a time as any.”

“Okay,” he said as he rose and gave a little wave and regretful smile to Sam. “See you.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow, Daniel; it’ll be great having you with us.”

Daniel grinned at her, gave her a little wave, mouthing “Bye” and walked out with Jack. With a sigh, Sam returned to her work.

^ ^ ^

The four members of SG-1 were all outfitted and ready in the Gate room at 0800 the next day. Sam had been expecting a briefing, but there hadn’t been one. Had there ever been a mission where they hadn’t had some type of briefing beforehand? Before going to bed the previous night, she’d checked her computer to learn some of the mission specifics before the morning briefing but all the computer had told her was that further information was not yet available. This morning, she’d looked for the usual manila folder containing the mission documents but all they’d received had been vague information about a war between two different races on the planet. There was no mention of which planet this was or who was at war. And where was General Hammond? He never missed briefings…and he was always there to see them off, but not today.

“Everybody ready to go?” Colonel O’Neill asked.

“Where’s Daniel?” asked Sam.

“He decided not to come this time,” answered the Colonel.

“He did? He was so excited at the prospect when he was in my office yesterday…”

“Yeah, well…I guess he doesn’t feel quite up to it yet. Cold feet, you know? Anyway, it’s not the type of mission he’d go for. Kinda too military for his liking,” Colonel O’Neill said in explanation. “So, ready?” he asked again.

“Yes, Sir,” Sam answered. The Colonel’s explanation didn’t ring true for her. She didn’t think Daniel would have missed this mission for the world.

“Let’s go,” agreed Jonas.

Teal’c didn’t say anything.

On the other side of the wormhole, they emerged in a forest, closely encroaching on the Stargate, but with a path leading from the Gate through the woods. Sam thought it looked familiar. Before they were even out of sight of the Gate, trouble came to them in the form of staff weapon blasts from the woods around them. They immediately hit the ground rolling in different directions, to take cover under the brush. They heard a guttural series of shouts just before the shooting stopped. Weapons at the ready, the members of SG-1 got themselves in a more defensive posture, all lying low, aiming toward the shots.

Sam was the first to speak when she saw the first “person” reach the path they’d started down, still holding a staff weapon ready. “Oh my God, it’s an Unas!” she exclaimed quietly. An onslaught of varied emotions hit her as she realized SG-1 must have come to the planet where they’d freed Chaka from slavery and armed him to fight the enslavers. Why in the world wasn’t Daniel here? And why the mystery in not telling them that this was where they were coming? But she couldn’t dwell on that now; the situation wasn’t secure.

Colonel O’Neill kept his P-90 trained on the Unas but slowly rose to a stand. He squinted as he peered at the Unas who was carefully coming closer.

Sam could now see other Unas scattered in the woods, staying far enough back to be hard to hit.

“Chaka?” she heard Colonel O’Neill ask.

Chaka? Where the hell is Daniel? He ought to be here .

Chaka made a guttural growl, “Cha-kaaaa.” Then he turned his head to look at his colleagues and beckoned them forth. There were five others, who stayed warily behind him as he approached the Colonel.

“Dan-ieeelll,” he said.

“Daniel couldn’t come today.” Colonel O’Neill said to him then added an upbeat “But he sends his greetings.”

Couldn’t come today ?

Sam was perplexed. Maybe Daniel had become sick…although that’s not what Colonel O’Neill had said. He had told them Daniel hadn’t wanted to come. Something definitely smelled fishy here and she was beginning to think it was her favorite fisherman.

Chaka gave a thrust of his head.

“Believe me, Chaka, he’d be here if he could but, well, it’s a long story. We’ll save it for the marshmallows and hot cocoa by the campfire.”

Chaka gave a growl of disappointment. Sam wondered if he’d understood any of what the Colonel had just said, but then she realized it wasn’t important. Chaka knew his friend Daniel wasn’t here and that’s what mattered to him.

It mattered now to Sam too.

“We’re looking for our friends,” Colonel O’Neill told him. Chaka tilted his head inquisitively. “Friends,” the Colonel repeated, grabbing the arm of his own shirt to show Chaka the SGC emblem he wore then O’Neill looked inquiringly at him.

So this is a rescue mission , thought Sam. Why the need to keep it secret? Unless it was to keep Daniel out of the loop… On purpose? She hoped that wasn’t it, because then Daniel was right to be paranoid about the Colonel’s willingness to interfere to keep him home.

But he’d never do that, right?

Chaka growled. He beckoned his companions to join him then indicated for SG-1 to follow him. The group hiked along the path until they came to the clearing at the edge of the village. Chaka pointed to the same barn where Colonel O’Neill and Daniel had been held prisoner a year and a half before.

“They’re in there?” the Colonel asked.

Chaka repeatedly jerked his head at an angle toward the building.

“Okay,” he sighed. “Carter, you and Jonas flank around to the left, Teal’c and I will go toward the right. Once you get to the building, one of you go in and free SG-11, and the other set up cover. We’ll do the same.” Then he looked at Chaka. “I want you and your friends to cover us,” he said and touched Chaka’s staff weapon, moving it to indicate how he wanted Chaka to cover them. Chaka and all five of his friends made guttural “aaaahhh” noises and moved their heads in small jerks to indicate they understood. Colonel O’Neill pointed to each one in turn and then pointed to where he wanted them to stay for the most effective cover.

Piece of cake with this many reinforcements.

Sam couldn’t think about Daniel now, but she’d have a word with Colonel O’Neill when they returned. She hated to think the Colonel was capable of being so underhanded against his own people. Although he’d done it before…but that time, he’d had a much grander purpose for it— stop! Concentrate! She chastised herself for losing her focus so close to danger.

There were a few villagers around, but the two pairs picked a time to move out when there wasn’t much activity and tried to stay out of sight darting behind various objects as they made their way toward the prison barn. They had the element of surprise and the village wasn’t generally armed at any particular time, so even if they had to make a frontal assault, Sam thought it would take a while before anyone challenged them.

She and Jonas made it to the building ahead of the Colonel and Teal’c. Just as they reached it, they heard the first staff weapon fire. Uh oh.

“Jonas, get in there and see if they’re really here. If they are, don’t bother telling me, just set charges and free them.”

Jonas nodded and slid into the building, opening the door barely wide enough to admit himself.

The weapons fire was escalating. The villagers had scattered in alarm at the first sound of it, but now some were returning with weapons of their own to start defending themselves. One of them saw Sam and fired.

Shit! She still couldn’t see Teal’c or Colonel O’Neill. She decided to defend the building from inside the door, where she would have much better protection.

As soon as she was inside, she closed the door to a crack, which she peered out of while waiting for friend or foe to appear. Behind her, she heard Jonas say, “Get back!” and a few seconds later the hiss and loud pop of the explosives blowing the same doors that had been blown eighteen months ago.

Carter heard the five of them approach her from behind as SG-11 emerged from their cells.

Without taking her eyes off the scene outside she asked, “Is everyone okay?”

“We’re fine, Major,” replied SG-11’s CO. “Thanks for coming to get us.”

“Not a problem, Major,” she answered.

Jonas had given the leader of SG-11 his spare weapon, and now Sam handed hers to the 2IC. They all stood behind the door, waiting for Sam’s instructions. Some of the villagers approached the barn, a few of them armed.

“Carter!” she heard then in her radio.

“Yes, Colonel,” she said feeling massively relieved to hear his voice.

“We’ve secured our area. Do you have SG-11 with you?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good. We’ll cover your six. Chaka will cover your twelve. Now GO!”

Sam took a few shots hoping to scatter the villagers approaching them without hurting anyone. All of the unarmed people took off but the armed ones sought cover, shooting as they ran. She saw staff shots coming from the edge of the woods. Chaka was indeed covering them. She saw her chance and gestured for Jonas and SG-11 to follow her out. The six people emerged from the building like cockroaches coming out after dark. They aimed their weapons at the uncovered flank areas where fire still came from the villagers. Chaka and the Colonel continued laying down cover fire. Sam hoped she was deterring the villagers without hitting any. At least, while she and her colleagues ran to the safety of the woods, none of her team was hit. Within a minute, they had reached the woods and Chaka’s forces. About a minute after that Teal’c and Colonel O’Neill joined them, firing behind and on their flanks as they ran.

”Is anyone hurt?” Colonel O’Neill asked when they were all safe.

“Not any of us. How about you, Sir?” Sam asked.

“We’re fine,” he said, catching his breath. “Teal’c and I prevented most of them access to their weapons so they couldn’t mount much of a counter attack. We hightailed it over to their armory, took out the guards and sealed the lock with a zat. It’ll take a while before they’ll have use of those weapons again. Piece of cake. I like this kind of fighting. Saves wear and tear on the old body, ya know?” O’Neill smiled briefly, but his eyes were sparkling from the thrill of the action and the adrenalin rush of a successful rescue.

Sam smiled. There was something to be said for aging, she thought. Made you fight smarter since you were tired of fighting harder.

They headed on down the path to the Gate maintaining their vigilance against any snipers, but none were forthcoming. Sam thought that might have something to do with Chaka’s band of freedom fighters.

On the walk, Sam talked to one of her acquaintances from SG-11 and found out that the villagers had endured numerous hardships in the loss of their slave population. They weren’t too adept anymore at farming or working since they hadn’t had to do so for generations. Economically they were nearly in ruin. Their main trade, slavery, had all but dried up. They still tried to capture Unas but with the Unas having weapons now and naturally being an aggressive species, their efforts not only proved futile, but sometimes fatal.

SG-11 had been captured almost immediately because there had been some armed villagers hunting Unas guerillas close to the Gate when SG-11 arrived. The villagers remembered quite vividly what had happened the last time they’d seen these uniforms.

At the Stargate, Sam dialed while Colonel O’Neill bid farewell to Chaka.

“Thanks for your help,” he said cheerily, then in a more somber voice, he pointed to Chaka’s staff weapon and said, “War is not the best way, Chaka. Try to make peace with your enemy. Once you’ve freed the slaves, go back to your own planet, huh?”

He’d told Chaka just what Daniel would have said. Sam smiled, as she punched the iris code into the GDO and sent SG-11 through. Sam was sure Chaka hadn’t understood but she hoped he’d comprehend the emotion behind it. She finished dialing, choosing to watch the Unas, rather than the Gate activation.

“Dan-ieeellll….” he said in reply.

“I’ll tell Daniel you said ‘hi’,” O’Neill said with a little wave.

Sam’s smile faded as she saw Colonel O’Neill’s posture stiffen and his face assume an expressionless mask as he walked toward the Gate. She followed him through with a sigh, her heart sinking. By this posture, he had just confirmed for her what she hadn’t wanted to believe.

^ ^ ^

When Sam emerged back in the SGC, Daniel was with General Hammond to greet SG-1 and SG-11. As she joined the group at the bottom of the ramp, she saw Colonel O’Neill look at Daniel then quickly shift his eyes away as his features revealed what seemed like shame before he could get his neutral mask back in place. She tried to smile at Daniel then but couldn’t look him in the eye after she saw his grim face.

Despite her own innocence, Sam felt guilty for her complicit attendance on a mission where Daniel had been purposefully and unfairly excluded. Jonas joined Sam at the bottom of the ramp. Like SG-11, he was completely unaware of the nonverbal communication going on. Teal’c came through last and by the set of his face, Sam figured he must have come to the same conclusion about their commander as she had.

“Welcome back, SG-11, it’s good to have you home,” General Hammond said, smiling, even as he took in the faces of his other team. “Congratulations, SG-1, for a job well done,” he added, the set of his face changing to show that he was well aware of the situation unfolding in front of him. “SG-1, you are dismissed until we debrief in one hour. SG-11, I want you to spend whatever time you need to get cleaned up and visit Doctor Fraiser. After she releases you all, we’ll have your debriefing.”

“Thank you, Sir,” replied SG-11’s CO. “It’s good to be home.” And with that, the members of SG-11 nodded at him and went out of the Gate Room to the infirmary. All four members of SG-1 stood there unmoving. Sam noticed Jonas begin to sense something amiss as Daniel glared at Colonel O’Neill and the Colonel, when he finally made eye contact, glared back in defense. Sam looked at General Hammond who quietly watched the scene.

General Hammond spoke, “Colonel O’Neill, when you are finished here would you kindly come to my office?”

The Colonel looked at the General long enough to say, “Yes, Sir,” then watched him leave the room. By the time he turned his attention back to Daniel, his emotional mask was solidly back in place.

Teal’c was watching stone-faced, but Sam noticed that Jonas looked perplexed. She felt sorry for him because he hadn’t been around when Daniel had been part of the team to see the dynamics of the original team, nor did he fully understand the complexity of their relationships since Daniel’s return. And Jonas hardly knew Daniel at all.

“What’s…going on here?” Jonas ventured.

“Jonas Quinn, this is between Colonel O’Neill and Daniel Jackson. We have no business remaining in this place,” Teal’c said, understanding much after having been a member of SG-1 for so long. “Therefore, let us leave them.”

“Are you sure?” Jonas asked Teal’c, “Maybe we should stay and see if they need help…”

“Rest assured; they do not require our assistance.”

Teal’c turned to leave, but when he reached the door, he looked back to see that Jonas had not followed him.

“ Now, Jonas Quinn, or I shall be forced to look at you much as Daniel Jackson is currently looking at Colonel O’Neill. And you will not like it coming from me.” Teal’c said giving an example of his glare.

Despite the depressing situation in front of her, Sam couldn’t help but grin briefly as she saw Jonas hasten out the door after Teal’c. She should be leaving too so the other two could have their privacy, but she stood rooted to the spot. She expected that Colonel O’Neill would order her out anyway and she found herself almost wishing he would do it. She knew that whatever was about to occur, it was going to be anything but pleasant. Neither the Colonel nor Daniel seemed to notice her in their stare-down though so she stayed.

“You lied to me,” Daniel said finally in a quiet low-pitched monotone as he continued glaring at Colonel O’Neill.

“No, I didn’t,” said the Colonel in the somewhat patronizing tone that Sam recognized as his defensive posturing, trying to maintain his innocence in the face of overwhelming evidence of guilt.

“Yes. You did,” Daniel said.

“Didn’t…”

“Don’t start that with me, Jack. You went to the planet where Chaka was and you knew you were going there and you didn’t tell me.”

“But that’s not lying…exactly…”

“It’s a lie of omission, that’s essentially the same thing.”

Uh oh, thought Sam, this was going to get ugly.

“Why did you feel it necessary to keep this from me?” Daniel continued.

“I just didn’t think you needed to go, it being a military operation and all,” Colonel O’Neill said, sarcasm leaping to his defense.

“ It was Chaka’s planet! How could you think I wouldn’t want to BE there?”   Daniel spat out the words, shouting at him.

Sam cringed at the pain in his voice underlying the bitter anger.

“Calm down, Daniel,” the Colonel said, flatly. “The Gateroom’s a little too public for this kind of display.”

“Display? You sanctimonious shithead—” Suddenly Daniel stopped and changed the subject. “Did Chaka ask for me?” When Colonel O’Neill remained silent, Daniel turned to Sam, “Did he?” Sam nodded reluctantly.

“GOD! Jack!” Daniel’s eyes blazed. He clenched his hands so tightly his knuckles turned white.

Sam knew Daniel well enough to know he was ready to throw something but there wasn’t anything available. Instead, Daniel took a step toward Colonel O’Neill, closing the distance, invading his space, looking like he was going to throw a punch.

“Don’t, Daniel,” Sam warned, cringing when she heard the tremor in her voice.

Daniel stood there mute with rage. Colonel O’Neill stared back challenging him. Sam knew them both well enough to know Daniel would back down before hitting the Colonel, and that the Colonel was glaring at Daniel to cover his own guilt. Her respect for her CO dropped a notch more when she realized that the Colonel wasn’t going to admit to, or apologize for, deceiving Daniel. Something was very wrong.

Daniel suddenly broke away from Colonel O’Neill, glancing at Sam as he bolted for the door. In that quick meeting of their eyes, Sam saw that his had filled with tears.

Sam was sad and angry to get this confirmation of her fears—and it was worse than she had suspected. Colonel O’Neill had deliberately deceived all of them in his attempt to keep Daniel off this mission. She wondered how he had been able to manipulate General Hammond so effectively. After watching Daniel leave, she turned her eyes to her CO.

“Why?” was all she asked, now seething.

“What?”

“Why did you lie to all of us? To Daniel?”

“I had my reasons.”

“Which were…?”

“Carter, I’m not going to explain my reasoning to you. Need to know and all that—and you don’t!”

She was not intimidated by the look he gave her.

“That’s not good enough, Sir. How did you convince the General to keep Daniel home when he was clearly excited to be joining us and had been given the official okay? And how did you manage to prevent General Hammond from briefing us or seeing us off?”

Colonel O’Neill didn’t answer her. He just turned his back and left her standing in the Gate room all alone.

She felt as if he’d slapped her.

Chapter Six

General Hammond’s stomach lurched as he heard the knock on the door. He was not going to enjoy this.

“Close the door,” General Hammond ordered his second-in-command after he had entered.

“Yes, Sir,” Jack said, standing at attention with military precision facing Hammond sitting behind his desk. General Hammond knew by this posture that Colonel O’Neill knew he was in for a dressing down, and he knew that Jack knew that he knew.

“Okay, Colonel. You tell me why I called you in here,” Hammond said, in answer to the nonverbal communication. He remained seated.

“Most of the time when we have these little tête-à-tête meetings, it’s because you don’t like my attitude or some plan I want to attempt,” he said, his eyes fixed straight ahead, well over the top of the General’s head.

“Go on,” Hammond said nodding minimally.

“And I suspect it has to do with how I’ve been acting toward Daniel, Sir.”

“And why would that be?”

“Because I’ve kept him off the team and he’s whining to you about it.”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say ‘whining’, but he has been concerned over your attitude lately, not to mention your deceit over his attendance on this mission.” The General was far angrier over the lies than he let on, but he had to handle this just right to keep Jack reined in.

“If you say so, Sir.”

“ Colonel O’Neill!” Hammond shot out of his chair, his face flushed. “You are in enough trouble as it is, Airman and my tolerance level right now is zero. You will address me with the respect that befits my rank and I will address you however I please. IS that understood?”

“Yes, Sir,” Colonel O’Neill said evenly, his eyes not leaving the point he’d chosen to focus on.

General Hammond was barely in control of his anger now and it frustrated him. Part of this increased anger was directed at himself for losing his cool so early on in this meeting. He knew he needed to have all his wits about him to get Jack O’Neill where he wanted him. The man had so many thick walls guarding his heart that he was impervious to anything short of the emotional equivalent of an atomic blast.

Jack remained standing rigidly at attention but didn’t look particularly bothered. Most telling to the General though was how the Colonel’s eyes remained fixed straight ahead of him. He had not even glanced at General Hammond yet.

General Hammond took a moment to calm down mentally but remained standing behind his desk facing O’Neill. Then he asked, “Why did you feel it necessary to lie to all of us? You told me and your team that Doctor Jackson didn’t want to go, when it is now painfully obvious that he did. And just what did you tell him, to get him to stay home?”

O’Neill’s demeanor broke for just a second as his gaze moved to the floor, but it was long enough for the General to see the look of guilt peeking through O’Neill’s armor.

“You told him it was by my order, didn’t you?” General Hammond now allowed himself to show some controlled anger. He felt like the father of a rebellious teenager.

O’Neill’s eyes snapped back up to their former position of staring at some spot over the top of Hammond’s head. “He should have never left. Sir.” Jack said in a clipped, pointed way, in a weak defense.

So, this was Jack’s anger over the whole ascension thing, thought General Hammond, some of his anger dissipating at the realization. He knew Jack had not coped well with Daniel’s ascension, just swept his grief under the rug as usual. Now, in his relief at Daniel’s return, the General figured Jack’s grief was coming out sideways, in retribution. The General thought it was much like a parent who, so relieved to see a lost child returned, took out his anger on said lost child.

“Colonel, you know he made the best choice he could under the circumstances—”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ve been through this all before…”

“Careful, Colonel…”

“Sorry, Sir,” he murmured. Jack’s eyes looked away from his chosen spot briefly, as he apologized.

Softening a bit after O’Neill’s apology, General Hammond said, “Look, Jack, I think I know why you are feeling this way and why you are therefore treating Doctor Jackson the way you are. I also know that you are not going to want to go into your reasons. So let’s postpone discussing it for now and just cut to the chase. What are you going to do about your attitude regarding Doctor Jackson?”

“Change it, Sir.”

“Good. I’ll expect to see results immediately. If I hear that your attitude and behavior have not improved post haste, you will be back in my office and we will have that uncomfortable little chat.”

“Yes, Sir.” O’Neill stood there, his face closed staring straight ahead, still having not made eye contact. General Hammond let him stand there, hoping it would increase the Colonel’s discomfort. Right now, he wanted his second-in-command to feel as uncomfortable as possible while he waited for the axe to drop.

When he was finally ready to continue he moved in front of his desk to stand much closer to O’Neill and commanded, “Eyes on me, Colonel.”

O’Neill slowly brought his eyes down to the level of the General’s. They kept darting away, but the Colonel always returned them before the General needed to address it.

“Colonel, this is one of the most insubordinate bad decisions I’ve ever seen you make. As a result, you are not going to like what I’m about to say, but you will accept it without complaint. Do I make myself clear? And your answer better not be ‘crystal’!”

“Yes, Sir. You made yourself clear, Sir.” O’Neill’s eyes were drifting back to focus on whatever was on the wall the Colonel had chosen to fix his eyes on before.

“Good. Eyes on me, Colonel…Now, for lying to your team, you will not be going on any missions with them until I give you the go-ahead. I will put Major Carter in charge and Daniel Jackson will be the fourth member of the new team.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“And for using my name to convince Doctor Jackson to stay behind, I should bring you up on charges, but since I normally respect you, I will suspend your pay for a month instead.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Eyes, Airman! Finally, for lying to me about Doctor Jackson’s desire to be on the mission, you are confined to your quarters for the next 48 hours and confined to the base for the next two weeks. This means you will not be attending the debriefing today, since you will be going to your quarters as soon as you are dismissed from this office.” I’ve just told my teenager he’s been grounded big time!

“Yes, Sir.”

“Now, do I need to post a guard outside your door for the next 48 hours?”   The General knew this was hitting below the belt, but it felt good. It appeased his anger a bit, since he couldn’t strike a fellow officer, and boy howdy, did he want to slap him upside the head right now!

“No, Sir.”   The General could tell that one had hurt. He finally saw defeat in Jack’s eyes as they broke away from the General’s and didn’t return to their customary spot straight ahead. General Hammond was relieved. He’d broken through, made contact with Jack’s spirit and deflated it a notch. Humbled him. Probably even humiliated him some, but the General was so angry he didn’t care. He’d have to watch Jack closely over the next few weeks to see if he’d been too harsh. Then he’d apologize. Maybe.

But not damn likely.

“One more thing, Colonel. Are you responsible for my car not starting this morning?”

Jack stood rigidly at attention saying nothing, his eyes returning to the General’s.

“I have no evidence or proof that you did, so I’m going to have to let it go, but suffice it to say, I find it interesting that my previously reliable car chose this particular day to break down so that I missed the briefing and your departure this morning.”

Hammond watched Jack for a crack in his emotional armor. It was all he would need to know if he were guilty or innocent (although in his gut he already knew the answer), but Jack’s control was impenetrable. Mr. Spock has nothing on Jack O’Neill, General Hammond thought. He kept him there, standing at attention until the atmosphere grew uncomfortable in its silent formality. Colonel O’Neill never moved a muscle.

“Dismissed, Colonel,” he said at last. Jack snapped an about face and rigidly walked out of the office.

Chapter Seven

As soon as he was out of the General’s sight Jack’s shoulders slumped. “Oh God,” he mumbled as he ran a hand through his hair. He quickened his step to get to the privacy of his own office to regroup. He’d been banished there anyway for the next 48 hours.

Then, with typical O’Neill luck, he ran into the last person he wanted to see.

“Hi, Jack! Everything okay? You look, um, a little distressed.”

A few days ago, this is what he would have heard from Daniel, but this time he only heard it in his mind. What Daniel actually did was briefly glance at him, look down and march on rapidly without acknowledging him further.

In the brief second of eye contact, Jack saw the unguarded pain of Jack’s betrayal in Daniel’s eyes before he looked away. Jack moved faster to get to his office.

Gee, that was pleasant. Backatcha, Danny!

Once in his office, he leaned back in his desk chair and sighed, scrubbing his face then slumped forward to rest his head in his hands. He sat there for a long time wondering how to deal with all his conflicting feelings. He wondered if he should write a letter to Daniel to try to explain his reasons for all the lies.   Maybe he should call him…or talk to him in person, his least desirable choice but the one he resigned himself to being most appropriate. He took out a pen and paper to at least attempt to outline what he wanted to tell Daniel.

Sometime later, he was saved from continuing to stare at his blank piece of paper by a knock on the door.

“Come,” he reluctantly said, straightening to prepare his body for whatever mental assault awaited him from whoever the visitor was.

“Teal’c, ole buddy! Glad to see you,” and he was. Teal’c was the one person he could count on not to go there. He also realized he’d been sitting there staring at his blank page longer than he’d realized, for Teal’c wouldn’t appear unless the debriefing were over. “Debriefing go okay?”

“Colonel O’Neill.” Teal’c said with a formal tilt of his head, not answering Jack’s question.

Uh oh. Et tu, Teal’c?

“Yes, Teal’c?”

“I do not believe you are considering the best interests of SG-1 by keeping Daniel Jackson off the team. He has many abilities and great knowledge that are critical assets to our functioning successfully. Jonas Quinn has made an admirable attempt to acquire the knowledge of Daniel Jackson but I believe Daniel Jackson to be irreplaceable. To have him among us without benefit of his expertise is a grave tactical error on your part, O’Neill.”

Long speech, T. Crap. Jack tried to swallow but his mouth was too dry.

First Daniel was upset with him back in the Gate Room, then Carter had questioned him after Daniel had left , followed by General Hammond reaming Jack in his office and now Teal’c. They all had issues with him. The only ones left were Jonas and Janet. Jack was feeling assaulted from all sides.

And he knew he deserved it.

“I know, Teal’c,” Jack said, not able to keep the defeat out of his voice.

“Then why do you do nothing about it?”

Jack held up the blank piece of paper and waved it in the air.

“Not doing nothing about it, Teal’c.”

“Then why does that paper have nothing written on it, O’Neill?”

“I didn’t know what to say…”

Jack knew what a weak statement that was when Teal’c responded with, “Indeed.”

“Any suggestions?” Jack asked, a sarcastic bite appearing despite his attempt at a straight question.

“Indeed.”

“Really?” Jack sat up straighter.

“You must apologize to Daniel Jackson. You are trying to protect him from danger with your subterfuge and in so doing, you are protecting yourself from further pain. In addition, by putting your desires ahead of the needs of the team and the desires of Daniel Jackson, you are not behaving as a man of honor. Apologizing to Daniel Jackson will regain you some of the respect you have lost.”

Whoa!

Wow!

Geez, T. Two speeches in one meeting. Guess you’re on Danny’s side, too. Or maybe not. Ahhh, hell. And that’s not exactly all I’m dealing with now, either…but I’m not going to enlighten you about the rest. God, this is all too overwhelming…

Jack ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Came right to the point, eh, Teal’c? No beating around the bush with you, is there?”

“Bush is in the White House. He is not here,” Teal’c said.

“Good one, Teal’c. They’re getting better—your jokes…”

“Do not change the subject, O’Neill,” Teal’c said, refusing to let Jack off the hook. “You must also forgive Daniel Jackson for ascending and leaving you once again, causing you more grief to deal with when you have already had much grief to deal with in all of Daniel Jackson’s other deaths. As have we all.”

Jack smiled at the absurdity of a statement like “Daniel Jackson’s other deaths”. An absurdity, which was, ironically, true.

“Furthermore, you must ask his forgiveness for your unfair treatment of him. You resent that he has returned to us, while your son has not. It is not his fault your son cannot be brought back.”

Jack’s smile disappeared. Okay, that’s the rest of it; the part I was NOT going to enlighten you about…

“And you must forgive yourself before you can heal from the grief over the knowledge your son was killed indirectly by your hand.”

Now his eyes filled with pain he was unable to mask.

There. Teal’c was the first one of his friends who blatantly, bluntly, boldly had ever said aloud what he knew everyone thought. Jack was responsible for Charlie’s death. Jack had killed Charlie.

Of course, some of his enemies had accused him of this before. Sokar with that “blood” of his bringing a fictitious Charlie to his mind to accuse him….Even worse was First, the Replicator who had stuck his hand right into Jack’s brain and brought forth the memory, along with the accusation, and repeating it over and over and over…He had rubbed it in like salt in a wound.

It hurt then. It hurt now, whether the words came from friend or foe. Although Jack thought they hurt worse coming from a friend.

Jack set his jaw before his chin started quivering at the emotional assault of the blunt truth of Teal’c’s words. He looked away so Teal’c wouldn’t see any evidence of how close he was coming to Jack’s emotional core. He couldn’t answer Teal’c for fear his voice would give him away. He kept his hands out of sight in case they started shaking.

Usually he was so emotionally walled off he didn’t even let himself see his vulnerable core, let alone his close friends. Jack desperately wanted Teal’c to leave now but he was afraid to be alone with this raw vulnerability he was usually so competent in smothering.

“Teal’c—” he was at a loss of what to say. Did he want him to stay or go?

“I will leave you alone, Colonel O’Neill. I did not mean to interrupt you for such an extended period.”

“No, don’t go!” Crap. That was, like, waaay too desperate.

Teal’c raised an eyebrow in surprise.

Okay. I’m okay. I can handle this. Now for a smooth recovery…

“I mean, thanks for talking to me. I’ll, um…think about what you said,” Jack said, dismissing Teal’c.

Teal’c bowed his head, then left.

Jack balled up the paper and threw it away. He needn’t have bothered since it was unused.

Chapter Eight

Janet Fraiser found herself in a lull period on the day after Thanksgiving. SG-1, the most injury-prone of the SGC’s teams was currently off world, no doubt getting injured. No other teams were gone except for SG-9 on a routine continuing survey of an abandoned world filled with artifacts. They weren’t due back for quite some time yet.

She sighed as she surveyed her infirmary. All nice and clean. And boring.

She was bored.

She had already called home to talk to Cassie three times this afternoon until Cassie had finally said, “Stop bugging me already, Mom!” Janet was initially annoyed at the attitude until she realized, with joy, how well her adopted alien daughter had adapted to life as an American teenager.

Janet finally sat down with her backlog of medical journals, leafing through them, clipping the articles she wanted to read and tossing the rest in her recycle bin. She should be reading the articles, instead of just collecting them in a stack to gather dust while she was busy tending to the medical needs of the SGC, but…

Her reprieve came from a cheerful “Hi, Doc!”

Colonel Jack O’Neill came in with a big grin on his face.

Which she knew was totally false. After seven years, she knew the man better than he probably knew himself, and now she saw that something was gnawing at him and he needed her help.

She knew he had been confined to base for nearly two weeks now, after his fiasco in trying to control Daniel’s working life. Word gets around places like this, but she’d heard this tidbit from General Hammond himself when he called her right after his confrontation with the Colonel, knowing that the punishment would affect Colonel O’Neill in ways he would be loath to divulge to anyone. The General thought a little “head’s up”, in case she found Jack on her doorstep at some point during his confinement, would be helpful for her.

And now, here he was.

“What brings you here, Colonel?”

He tried to maintain the false grin but failed. Still, he was able to keep his voice light. “Oh, got caught up on my paperwork, so I thought I’d come up to say ‘hi’.”

So you are lonely and embarrassed to be stuck on base while the rest of the team is off having their latest adventure without you, and you’re probably worried about them getting hurt. And I’ll bet you’re finding it hard to live with your jacked up emotions, too.

Janet smiled at her own pun.

“Come on in, Colonel, and have a seat.” So why are you really here?

The Colonel took a chair from her desk and flipped it around to rest his arms on the back of the chair as he sat.

When Jack looked a little uncomfortable in the ensuing silence, Janet asked, “Would you like a cup of tea? Or coffee?”

“Tea’s good…” he paused. “Coffee’s good too,” he added. “Either one.” He tilted his head from side to side, as he repeated himself, “Either one’s good.”

Okay, so whatever is wrong, it’s bugging you a LOT. Enough that you came to me for help but you don’t know how to bring it up. You don’t know how to save face. Don’t worry, Colonel, I’ll try to give you a hand…

Janet had an instant hot water faucet in the infirmary so she gave the Colonel a box of assorted teas to pick through as she filled a mug for him.

“Did you have a good Thanksgiving, Colonel?” she asked when she gave him the mug of hot water.

“Uh, not exactly,” he said. “I was stuck here, remember? The team’s off world and nobody else was around.” Janet could see he was thinking about what to say next, trying not to garner any more pity. She gave him a little time by looking indecisive over choosing her own tea bag then filling her mug slowly with the hot water. When she had a full mug of hot tea, Colonel O’Neill still hadn’t spoken. Janet could see she’d have to coax it out of him.

She pulled up a chair facing him, close enough to her desk that she could keep her tea mug there. Just enough distance from the Colonel to keep things looking casual.

“So how’s Jonas doing with Daniel’s return?” she asked. She knew quite well how Jonas was faring, but thought this was the safest avenue by which to approach a tricky subject.

“Fine,” he said, sounding surprised by the question. “Actually, great, I think.” He started warming to the topic. “They are sharing Daniel’s office until the SGC can find Jonas some space of his own. In fact,” he said, going off the track, “I should get on admin’s case about it. Daniel’s been back well over a month now and they’re still stuck sharing space and Daniel’s computer.”

Then he unwittingly made a comment that baited the hook for her to go fishing. “I don’t know why I haven’t done that already,” he said almost to himself, “it’s not like I have anything else to do around here lately…” He hadn’t touched his tea, but was still holding the mug, absently looking at it.

The tricky part for Janet now was to pick the right question, nothing too direct or confrontational or he’d shut right down. She almost had him…

“Your team’s one man bigger now, Colonel, that’s bound to make you busier, not to mention having more to worry about,” she said finally. “I’m sure you are handling things the best you can.” There, supportive but no direct question to make him aware of the direction she was taking him. You could never play psychologist with Jack O’Neill. The supportive friend approach was a much better way to go.

“Actually, Doc,” he paused, still looking at the mug, turning in his hands. “I don’t know if that’s true. Necessarily.”

You could drive a bulldozer through that one! she thought.

“How so?” she asked with just the right tone of ignorant innocence.

He looked at her, putting his guard up just a little and spoke in a tangential way to make himself sound less vulnerable. “You know how people can sometimes act when someone they care about has been in trouble and now isn’t? How people sometimes get really mad at that person, instead of just being happy and relieved that they’re safe?”

She started to nod, but then he added, “I don’t think I said that very well…”

“It doesn’t matter, Colonel, I know what you mean. I’ve acted that way with Cassie when she’s broken curfew. One time she was out with friends and didn’t get home until one in the morning. She never called. Once she was home, safe and sound, instead of being happy and relieved, I was so angry that I grounded her too harshly as a knee-jerk response. It’s called being human. It’s one of the risks of loving someone.”

“Yeah, I did that with Charlie once,” he said quietly. “He was lost in a shopping mall. I was worried he’d been kidnapped but they found him wandering in the basement. He was fine but I totally reamed him. I’ve never forgotten it. He was only five and I chewed him out like he was an insubordinate under my command.”

“I’m sure he forgave you.”

“That’s just it. He never acted like there was anything to forgive. By the time we’d gotten home, he was his usual chirpy self.”

“He must have been a wonderful boy,” she said carefully.

“He was.” Colonel O’Neill sat there looking at the floor, his tea growing cold, but he was still holding the mug, still absently rotating it in his hands.

The Colonel had never spoken of Charlie so directly with Janet before. This was a change. Maybe this was the first step toward him forgiving himself and healing. If this was what Daniel’s return was doing to the Colonel, she was beginning to understand why he was treating Daniel so poorly.

Janet knew his usual... ‘Usual’? Try ‘only’, she told herself. The only coping mechanism she’d ever seen him use was to wall off his emotions so he didn’t have to suffer through them thus limit his functioning in the short term. The feelings he had over Daniel’s return, coupled by his self-denial in grieving over his departure, as well as dealing with the rape of his mind by Kanan and his torture by Ba’al only a few months ago, were pushing him beyond his usual coping skills. Now, as a result, all of his feelings over Charlie were being dredged back up as well. Oh, Colonel, those are intense emotions for anybody to have to process and you’re not used to dealing with so much all at once.

She turned the subject back to Daniel before the Colonel was swept away by musing over his son.

“So you’ve treated Daniel that way too, and now you’re feeling guilty about it, I’ll bet.”

Colonel O’Neill shrugged, not saying anything then stood up and put the mug down on Janet’s desk. He stretched and said casually, “Well, I’ve bent your ear enough. I’d better let you get back to work.”

“Wait, Colonel,” she said, wondering what had made him suddenly close down on her.

“I could really use your company. I haven’t had anything to do around here lately, either. Frankly, I’m getting a little bored myself.”

“I’d ask you out to dinner, but I’m kinda stuck here, you know?” he said, chagrined. “Why don’t you just go home? Be with Cassie?”

“I think I ticked her off this afternoon. I kept calling her because I didn’t have anything to do. She finally told me off. I think if I go home now, it’ll just make her teenage angst worse. Mother keeping too close tabs on her, you know?”

“Yeah, kinda.” He paused, staring at the floor. Finally, he spoke in a quiet monotone. “I guess I’d be going through that stage now with Charlie too, come to think of it.”

Wow, he’s letting me go fishing again...

“Maybe you are going through that stage—with Daniel.”

No response.

Okay, this is odd. Charlie’s okay to talk about, but now Daniel’s off-limits? What is going on here, Colonel?

Janet gave in. “How about we go to the commissary to get a bite? Maybe they’ll still be serving yesterday’s Thanksgiving turkey.”

“Leftovers. Suits me,” he said with a shrug, hands in his pockets.

At dinner, Colonel O’Neill ate very little. Toward the end of a mediocre meal, he looked a little uncomfortable.

Ever the doctor, Janet asked, “Are you feeling all right, Colonel? You hardly touched your food.”

“My stomach’s been a little off lately is all.”

“Have you been having any pain?”

“Not very often…”

“Let’s go back to the infirmary. Let me check you over.”

She knew his symptoms were worse than he was admitting when he accompanied her without protest. Even when she took a vial of blood from him, he didn’t make his usual vampire comments. In fact, she hadn’t heard any sarcasm from him all afternoon.

Historically, the Colonel was a master of overcoming emotional trauma, albeit in a rather unhealthy way, but now Janet thought he was on emotional overload. Everyone had his or her breaking point and Jack O’Neill was probably very close to his. Something had to give and she suspected his stomach had been the sacrificial lamb.

“Lie down on the table here and undo the button on your pants,” she said, patting her exam table.

He complied. Janet pulled his shirt out of his pants and pressed on his abdomen saving the area below his breastbone for last.

“Ohhhhh…he groaned when she pushed the area over his stomach. Not even the usual grouchy “ouch”, just moaning accompanied by wide-open frightened eyes, a sure sign of real pain.

“I’ve never felt this way before, Doc. Do you know what’s wrong?”

“I think you have an ulcer.”

“ME?” he asked incredulous. “I don’t get ulcers!”

“Well, it looks like you have one now. It may not be from stress, although it seems like you’ve had your share lately. It may be from helicobacter pylori. That’s a bacterial infection, which causes ulcers. It’s fairly common, maybe you’ve contracted it.”

“So what do we do about this ‘helicopter pie’ whatever?”

Janet smiled at this glimpse of the old Jack O’Neill re-emerging. So some of your worry has been over this. Just how long have you been dealing with this pain, silently suffering, worried about what it might be?

“First I have to wait for the test results. It’s treated more aggressively than a regular ulcer. I’ll put you—”

“So how aggressively are we talking, here, Doc? I got things to do, you know….”

Janet smiled at the interruption. “No, you don’t. You said as much earlier. Don’t worry, it’s not bad, just two antibiotics, some Pepto Bismol and a proton pump inhibitor—”

“You have to pump my stomach?” Jack looked worried.

Janet was enjoying herself now, but with all he was going through, she wasn’t going to torture him any further.

“Aciphex. I’m going to put you on some Aciphex. It’s the proton pump inhibitor. It’s only a little pill, which decreases stomach acid. I’ll try that first before the tests come back. We’ll add the other drugs if you are positive for H. Pylori.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?” he growled. “I’ve already got the ulcer—are you trying to make it worse so I have to stick around for you to put tubes and needles into me? Is it dark out yet? Smile, Doc. I want to see if you’re wearing your fangs.”

She smiled in spite of herself. She hadn’t wanted to show him whether she had fangs or not. Then she dropped the bad news on him.

“But Colonel, to determine how severe it is I’m going to schedule you with a gastroenterologist for an endoscopy as soon as I can.”

“Endoscopy? I’m not sure I like the sound of that. Isn’t that one of those ‘scopy’ words like arthroscopy? That involved sticking a scope into my knee. Not something I’m eager to duplicate in another part of my body, Doc.”

“Don’t worry, Colonel. They sedate you for the procedure. It’ll be a piece of cake.”

“So they are going to stick a scope inside me. Great!”

Better that than a Goa’uld, Colonel, she thought to herself. Then she quipped, “No scoping out any other planets for you until you get scoped yourself.”

Colonel O’Neill rolled his eyes and sighed.

Chapter Nine

The new mission was back to P4X-449 yet again, this time to try to get hold of the technology allowing travel between two Stargates on the same planet. It was a worthy reason for a visit to be sure.

Teal’c was satisfied that Daniel Jackson was finally going to attend a mission to this planet. Jonas Quinn was not going since he did not know the language in common, French. Teal’c did not know French either but that wasn’t his purpose on any non-Goa’uld mission anyway. Major Carter had told him that it was one of the easier Tau’ri languages—one that schoolchildren could learn from a very young age. He surmised he would like to try his hand at it.

He was putting his kel’no’reem candles away after his usual pre-mission meditation, when there was a knock on his door.

“Enter,” he stated.

“Hi, Teal’c.”

“Daniel Jackson.”

“Um…yeah. Uh, Teal’c, this is um…the first time since I’ve been back that I’ll be on a mission with Jack. Before we go, I just wanted to come and tell you, before anything gets ugly, that, um, I really appreciated what you told me that last time we were together alone, you know, before I, um, ascended. I, uh, really value your friendship, too. I haven’t spent much time with you since I’ve been back, but, um, I’m hoping we can have some time together on this trip.”

Teal’c wondered why Daniel Jackson was so hesitant in his speech. Perhaps there was another reason for his coming.

“Daniel Jackson. You became my friend long ago, and have been my friend for many years. I welcome any time we spend together in friendship whether on a mission or here on the First World.”

“Yeah, well, thanks, Teal’c,” he said with a shy smile, “But, um, I wanted to apologize, too.”

“For what, Daniel Jackson?”

“In advance, for anything I might say on this mission in front of you.”

“What might you say in front of me to incur my displeasure?”

“Well, um, you know things haven’t been going too well between Jack and me.”

Teal’c inclined his head in agreement.

“Well, I think, um, things aren’t likely to go too well on this mission between us, either.”

“I agree.”

“You do?”

“I have observed Colonel O’Neill’s behavior toward you since your return. He has been increasingly taciturn and hostile toward you. At first he merely avoided you, but since his subterfuge, he has been more open with his antagonism.”

“So, have you said anything to him about it?”

“I have not. He is my commanding officer as well as yours. Until now, other than preventing you from seeing your friend Chaka, he has done nothing to interfere with the success of any mission, so I have not interfered with his actions.”

“Oh.”

“However, if this mission is compromised in any way by his behavior toward you, you may be confident that I will intervene on behalf of the mission, whether it is to deal with you or Colonel O’Neill. I have brought this concern before General Hammond. He has given me permission to do so on his authority and by his name. The alternative would be for O’Neill to remain behind but General Hammond feels that would not be wise.”

“I’ll do my best to see that you don’t have any trouble from me.”

“Thank you, Daniel Jackson.”

“Well, I guess that’s all I came to say. I’ll go now.”

“Daniel Jackson, I would prefer to have you remain for a brief time.”

“Oh, uh, okay...Did you have anything in particular you wanted to talk about?” Daniel Jackson walked further into the room and sat on Teal’c’s bed. Teal’c remained standing by his kel’no’reem candles.

“I wanted to inquire how you have been faring since your return.”

“It’s been an interesting—or maybe ‘intense’ is a better word—experience, Teal’c. It’s great to be able to feel things again. Occasionally, I came around as an ascended being to observe you guys and the SGC but to be here, physically interacting with you all...that’s been wonderful.” Daniel paused, smiling, but the smile quickly disappeared as he continued. “The downside has been feeling like I’m a little superfluous at times. I mean, Jonas has filled in for me admirably, things at the SGC have been running as smoothly as ever, SG-1 is still succeeding at regular missions...life has pretty much gone on without me. That part’s been hard. Especially when I see my life all neatly packed up in boxes. Finite. Like maybe I never needed to exist at all.”

“Daniel Jackson, do not think we have not all suffered and grieved during your ascendance. I for one am most pleased to have my friend returned to me after so long an absence.” Teal’c smiled at Daniel, and it wasn’t just one of his Teal’c smiles either, but a Tau’ri one. Daniel Jackson smiled shyly in return.

“Thanks, Teal’c,” he said. “I just wish Jack felt that way,” he continued sighing.

“O’Neill has had much to deal with this past year with your leaving. He copes as best he is able but not by any healthy mechanism. He is not adept at processing strong emotions.”

“If he was supposedly so upset by my leaving that he wouldn’t talk about it, why is he so upset that I came back? You’d think he’d be happy. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“It does if you consider the source, Daniel Jackson. He did not deal adequately with your absence and now he needs more time to learn to deal with his feelings regarding your renewed presence.”

“I suppose…”

“My advice to you is to allow him time. Among your many gifts are those of a great capacity for forgiveness and a high level of tolerance. I suggest you use those skills now with Colonel O’Neill on this mission. He will undoubtedly treat you in a manner unbefitting what is in his heart but if you give him the benefit of the doubt, it will go better for everyone concerned.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll try to do the best I can.”

“Thank you, Daniel Jackson. I speak on behalf of O’Neill as well, since he will not be thanking you for this.”

Daniel smiled again.

“And rest assured, I will be monitoring O’Neill’s behavior and will not let him impede your efforts on this mission.”

“Thanks, Teal’c. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Daniel Jackson rose to leave, having nothing further to say. Teal’c wondered if he and O’Neill passed in the corridor outside Teal’c’s door when less than a minute went by before O’Neill was knocking on his door.

“Hey, Teal’c, mind if I come in?” O’Neill asked as he entered before giving Teal’c a chance to answer.

“O’Neill.”

“Yeah. Uh….” O’Neill trailed off. Teal’c had learned how to make some basic Tau’ri small talk but right now, he rather liked the thought of remaining silent, knowing it would make O’Neill come to the point more quickly. Teal’c stood looking at him with a neutral expression. O’Neill stayed standing by Teal’c’s door.

O’Neill looked at the floor for a time, shifting his weight, his hands first in his pockets then dangling in constant motion.

Teal’c stood there placidly saying nothing. He was enjoying this immensely.

“Okay, I think I’ll just go now,” O’Neill said finally.

“You have just arrived. You would not have come here if you did not have something you wanted to say,” Teal’c said, thinking it should have taken O’Neill longer before he succumbed. He was not himself.

“Yeah, about that…”

Teal’c raised an eyebrow.

“You, uh, remember what you said to me back when I was trying to write something to say to Daniel?”

Teal’c’s eyebrow conveyed what he was thinking. How could I forget? “I remember that conversation with great clarity, O’Neill,” he said aloud.

“You said something about my attitude toward Daniel and my guilt over Charlie.” O’Neill started absently kneading his stomach area, Teal’c noted. It was good he didn’t have a prim’ta as it would be displeased with this action on top of its pouch.

“I said that you must apologize to Daniel Jackson for your unfair treatment of him. I also said that you must ask his forgiveness over your resentment that he has returned to us, while your son has not.”

“Yeah, that.”

“Furthermore, I stated that because of the loss of your son and the previous loss of Daniel Jackson, you are trying to protect him from further danger and in so doing you are protecting yourself from further pain.”

“Uh, yeah, that too.”

“Which of those statements concerns you, O’Neill?”

“All of them, I think. Look, may I sit down?”

Teal’c backed away at that point, indicating for O’Neill to sit. O’Neill sat on Teal’c’s bed in the exact spot Daniel Jackson had. Teal’c would have enjoyed this private irony had it not been for the groan O’Neill emitted as he slumped on the bed. This was unusual. O’Neill would not be this forthcoming about weakness, whether physical or emotional, unless it was intense.

“Are you well, O’Neill?”

“I have an ulcer. Doc Fraiser put me on some medication, which apparently is working well enough that she’s okay with me going on the mission but I sure don’t feel much better.”

Teal’c suppressed the eyebrow he wanted to raise at his surprise that O’Neill would admit such a weakness. This was information O’Neill would have kept to himself.

“I am not aware of such a condition, O’Neill.”

“It’s from stomach acid eating away part of the lining. Hurts. Doc said sometimes it’s due to a bacterial infection in the stomach, but in my case, the test was negative, so mine’s apparently from…uh…stress. Didn’t think I had it in me. I always thought I handled stress rather well.”

“Stress accumulates, O’Neill.”

“I’m aware of that, Teal’c. Do you think that’s what’s happening to me?”

“I do.”

“Mmm. So what do I do about it?”

“I have just told you. Forgive Daniel Jackson. Ask for his forgiveness, in return. And, of utmost importance, forgive yourself.”

“Yeah. Well, I don’t think I can do that, Teal’c.”

“You will not heal until you do.”

“Yeah, and you’re the expert? Doc Fraiser said all I needed was a pill.”

“Some things cannot be cured by a pill, O’Neill. This is one of those things.”

“Well, thanks just the same. I guess I’ll go if you don’t have any other advice.”

“If I gave you any other advice, it would not be the correct advice, O’Neill.”

O’Neill grimaced as he stood to go. He turned his back to Teal’c, who was still standing in place, and walked out, giving a dismissive wave behind him as he left.

Chapter Ten

The next morning the original four members of SG-1 assembled in the Gate Room for the first time in over a year to embark on a mission together. It was a moment Teal’c treasured despite the discord between Daniel Jackson and Colonel O’Neill. He hoped the mission would go smoothly, but he suspected it would not.

The computer set the Gate in motion.

Once on the other side, they hiked directly to the village. Now on their third trip, they were all more casual about it, despite the humidity and heat, which they were even less used to now that it was early December in Colorado. The path was starting to look more traveled and hadn’t grown over much yet from the last time they were here almost six weeks ago. They drank frequently as they hiked along, their sweat increasing as they walked.

The tension among the team members had taken a toll on all of them. On the way, Samantha Carter chose to speak, while all the others were mostly silent, Teal’c because it was normal for him, Daniel Jackson and O’Neill because they were uncomfortable.

“Daniel, last time we were here we met the cutest little girl named Oni. She’s very friendly but only knows the native language. She took a real shine to Colonel O’Neill,” Major Carter said.

“No accounting for taste, I guess,” Daniel Jackson muttered under his breath. Teal’c was not pleased with this comment but given the treatment Daniel Jackson had received, Teal’c didn’t blame him. However, it did nothing to foster an improvement in relations.

“Come on, Daniel. Be nice,” Major Carter whispered back. They were walking together behind Teal’c so he had no difficulty overhearing their conversation. Teal’c had long ago learned the secret to the Tau’ri. If one remained quiet and did not call attention to oneself, one could observe much and overhear many sensitive conversations. As a warrior, this was a very good tactic for gathering information to use to aid your friends or thwart your enemies. On this mission, Teal’c didn’t know which of those terms applied to O’Neill.

Colonel O’Neill was bringing up the rear, lagging quite far behind. Teal’c knew it was because he was still dealing with the pain from his ulcer. He suspected the other two were unaware of his current condition.

“I would be nice, Sam but how can I, the way he’s treating me? I really thought he’d be glad to have me back.”

“We’ve talked about this before, Daniel. He’s dealing with a lot of stuff. This mission won’t take that long; then you can avoid him all you like until things get back to normal,” Major Carter continued.

Daniel Jackson snorted softly. “I just hope this isn't normal from now on.”

Teal’c continued to walk along in silence.

Major Carter tried to change the subject back to the planet. “I think only a handful of the locals speak the French dialect. It seems that they learned it from the more advanced Gaullan civilization on the other side of the planet. It’s their main language.”

“Does Jack speak French?”

“Not that I know of…”

Then Daniel Jackson immediately switched into French, speaking in a louder voice, knowing that he could say anything he felt like to Samantha Carter without Teal’c or O’Neill understanding a word. Teal’c understood the facial expressions and tone of voice however.

The rest of the way passed in silence after Major Carter refused to speak in French with Daniel Jackson, accusing him of pettiness. Teal’c was unhappy at the lack of cohesion in the team. He was walking in front, followed by the other two then by a lagging Colonel O’Neill, who didn’t even bother to look around himself to guard against danger. Teal’c took the responsibility for the whole team’s safety then, but was not satisfied with the scatter. They would be hard to defend. Fortunately, he thought it would not become necessary. The people of this world had so far given them no cause for concern, and no animals of any kind had yet bothered them.

When they reached the village, Colonel O’Neill had caught up to the rest of the team and took the lead as they walked in to find Tipu, who spoke the best French and had been their liaison.

Several people came into the village center to greet them. When they stopped, one went forward to greet SG-1 as the others hung back. Scantily dressed tattooed warriors holding ceremonial weapons, similar to Teal’c’s staff weapon, flanked these people.

The members of SG-1 stood ready to greet them. Teal’c was at one end and Major Carter was at the other, with Daniel Jackson and O’Neill between them. Daniel Jackson intended to step forward to complete the formal greeting ceremony but was stopped by O’Neill’s outstretched arm, which was suddenly pressing against Daniel Jackson’s abdomen. Teal’c frowned, smoothly moving behind them.

“What are you doing, Jack?” Daniel Jackson whispered.

“I don’t think you should be the one to greet them,” O’Neill said quietly.

“Isn’t that my job?” Daniel Jackson sounded peeved despite the quiet tone of his voice.

“Not this time.”

In a harsh whisper, he said, “Who else is going to do it? I can speak both of the languages here. Come on, Jack!”

O’Neill glared at Daniel Jackson and was about to answer when Teal’c, standing behind them said softly, “O’Neill.”

O’Neill didn’t look at Teal’c, nor did he remove his arm. The village greeters looked wary and puzzled at the group.

“You’re starting to make a scene, Jack. Back off and let me do my job. Please,” Daniel Jackson said in measured tones.

Teal’c couldn’t see O’Neill’s face from his position, but he heard the soft sigh and saw his arm drop. Teal’c moved forward in Daniel Jackson’s place as Daniel Jackson moved forward to meet the greeter from the village. Teal’c was surprised to see the two rub noses in greeting. They broke apart as the village greeter smiled and spoke a rhythmic chant in his language. Then he turned to join his colleagues who waited for SG-1 to catch on and join them in entering the life of the village.

Oni had been watching from the sidelines with some of the other people. Now that SG-1 had been formally welcomed she ran up to them exclaiming, “Onira!” Teal’c smiled to see the little girl hug his commanding officer and unabashedly take his hand in hers to hold as they walked. O’Neill didn’t react visibly but didn’t resist her overtures, either. Next to him, he overheard Major Carter whisper to Daniel Jackson, “Lilo and Stitch.” Daniel Jackson looked puzzled, as did Teal’c, when she started giggling. “I’ll rent the DVD for us when we get back,” she said, in explanation.

The villagers invited them to a feast for the evening to celebrate their return and the new friendship. No talk about why SG-1 was there had been forthcoming as of yet, but Daniel Jackson thought it best not to rush things when they were just getting to know these people, much to O’Neill’s consternation.

During the meal, Daniel Jackson conversed easily in French with Tipu, who then translated everything into his own language for the benefit of his people. Daniel Jackson did the same for his team. Teal’c sat next to O’Neill and noticed that O’Neill hardly ate anything, merely picking at his food. Partway through the meal, O’Neill leaned over to Major Carter sitting on his other side and asked, “Carter, tell me what they’re saying.”

“Sir, Daniel’s translating everything.”

“I know, but just humor me, okay?”

“Don’t you trust him?”

“I just want to know exactly what’s being said. Can’t you give me the play by play, word for word?”

“I don’t know if my French is that good. This dialect is a little different, you know.”

“Daniel doesn’t seem to be having any trouble.”

“Yeah, but Sir, Daniel’s a natural. It’s a lot harder for me.”

“You’re smart though, Carter, I’m sure you’ll get it just fine. Come on, humor me.”

“Okay, Sir, as long as you know it may not be totally accurate.”

Teal’c was not happy with this exchange. He was concerned about O’Neill’s unwarranted lack of trust in Daniel Jackson.

The rest of the banquet was uneventful except that Teal’c had lost his appetite. Afterward, the members of SG-1 were escorted to a hut someone had hospitably vacated for the night to lend it to them for guest quarters. There were four mats on the floor. The air was still plenty hot, showing no signs of cooling down despite the late hour. None of them would need anything more than their mats tonight.

“That was fun,” O’Neill said sarcastically, sighing as he collapsed on his mat.

“What do you mean by that, Jack?” Daniel Jackson asked.

“Nothing Daniel. Just go to bed.”

“Colonel,” Major Carter said, “We never broached the subject of their intra-world DHD.”

“Yeah, I know. It never came up. I thought that was your self-appointed job, Daniel.”

“What? Isn’t it your job to negotiate? I thought I was just there to be the friendly one.”

“That’s you, all right. Good ol’ friendly Daniel.”

“What’s gotten into you, Jack?”

“Not here, Daniel. Some other time.”

“Is there going to be another time, Jack? You don’t seem to be too anxious to be around me lately.”

“Come on, guys. This isn’t the time or place to be bickering. We’re trying to make friends with these people and we want to acquire some technology from them. This isn’t a good way to go about it,” Major Carter chided. Teal’c had been about to speak but was content to remain silent now that Major Carter had been of the same mind.

“Carter, since when are you in charge?”

“I’m sorry, Sir. I don’t mean to usurp your authority but the two of you sniping isn’t helping anything. I’m just trying to keep the peace.”

O’Neill opened his mouth to retort but then gave up and merely rolled on his side to face away, shutting them out. Teal’c saw him curl up and hold his stomach. Unaware of his ailment, Daniel Jackson and Major Carter did not pay attention to this behavior.

Major Carter was the only one to get a full night’s sleep. Teal’c remained awake for the night. He placed himself in a light state of kel’no’reem, light enough to be aware of O’Neill’s restlessness and the lack of the deep regular breathing of sleep on Daniel Jackson’s part. It did not bode well for the coming day.

In the pre-dawn, Teal’c became aware of someone quietly tiptoeing into their hut. He opened one eye to see Oni sneak over to watch O’Neill, who was facing away from her pretending to be asleep. She stayed there uncertain until she lost patience. She reached down to touch him, hesitating. Teal’c could see that O’Neill was tense because of her presence, but he didn’t think Oni would be able to tell. Finally, she lay down on the dirt floor of the hut next to O’Neill, whose breathing became more uneven and rapid as she slowly and carefully stroked his hair until she fell asleep.

Teal’c watched the two of them until the village began to stir with the approaching daylight. He noticed that Daniel Jackson had been watching them as well. O’Neill rolled away from Oni and stood up, immediately leaving the hut without saying a word. Teal’c hadn’t always understood O’Neill’s sense of humor, but he missed it.

“Sam, rise and shine,” Daniel Jackson said as he got up right after O’Neill had left. Oni had heard him and raised her head. When she noticed her ‘Onira’ was gone, she hastened out of the hut. Teal’c stood up as their day began.

“Where’s Colonel O’Neill?” Major Carter asked when she noticed he was not present.

“He took his leave at dawn,” replied Teal’c.

“Do you know where he went?” asked Daniel Jackson.

“I do not.”

“Maybe we should go look for him.”

“I think we should let him be, Daniel. Maybe he’ll be able to make some peace with himself about all this if he goes off alone for a while,” Major Carter suggested.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right, Sam. It’s kind of a relief to have him gone anyway.”

“Daniel—” Major Carter sounded too frustrated to continue.

“Come on, Sam. I’m getting tired of walking on eggshells around him. I can’t do anything or say anything that pleases him. It’s obvious, at least to me, that he just doesn’t want me around.”

“Daniel Jackson, you are incorrect. We have already discussed this. You must put aside your own reaction to O’Neill’s behavior and show restraint while he comes to accept this change in your status,” Teal’c said trying to placate the team members and foster a sense of community. “I am confident he will eventually return to his old manner with you.”

“I sure hope you’re right, Teal’c, but I’m only human you know, so I have my limits and if he doesn’t come around soon, I’m going to reach them. Then I won’t be so able to show this tolerance you think I’m so capable of.”

O’Neill did not join them for breakfast. Nor was he there when Daniel Jackson and Major Carter broached the subject of the intra-world dialing device. They both spoke with Tipu about it but he had to go to other village dignitaries to discuss the request. Major Carter and Daniel Jackson spoke in French so Teal’c remained uncomprehending. He stood by passively, looking for clues as to O’Neill’s whereabouts. It was the antithesis of O’Neill’s normal behavior to leave without informing them of his plans when they were off world, so this was most disturbing.

Tipu returned with the good news that Daniel Jackson had been given permission to visit the Gaullans by traveling to the other Gate with an escort. When Daniel asked if Teal’c could accompany them as well, Tipu answered in the affirmative. Since Tipu was the most fluent in the French dialect of the other culture, he volunteered to be Daniel Jackson’s escort.

On the way back to their hut after the meeting, Major Carter spoke up. “I’m getting a little worried about the Colonel, guys. Maybe we should go look for him. I’ve tried calling him on the radio a few times but he won’t or can’t answer.”

“I am becoming concerned as well, Major Carter,” replied Teal’c. “Perhaps you should question some of the villagers whether they have seen Colonel O’Neill. I will accompany Daniel Jackson back to the hut to retrieve my staff weapon. Then you and I will commence a search for O’Neill while Daniel Jackson prepares for the journey to the other Stargate.”

Major Carter went off in search of some villagers to speak to. Teal’c noticed her approaching a small group of women as he turned to accompany Daniel Jackson to their hut.

“I’m sure he’s just avoiding me, Teal’c.” Daniel Jackson said with resignation. “He’ll be back eventually.”

Teal’c said nothing in reply. He knew he would not be able to dissuade the man from this persistent opinion and, indeed, it was possible Daniel Jackson was correct. When they reached the hut though, the first thing Teal’c saw upon entering was O’Neill himself sitting on his mat, filling his pack with his belongings.  

“Where’d you go? We were looking all over for you before we met with Tipu,” Daniel Jackson said with some irritability in his voice.

“Out,” was all the response he got.

“That’s not good enough, Jack. Sam tried to reach you repeatedly on the radio. You of all people know you don’t ignore someone’s radio call. Hell, Jack, it’s your rule. How many times have you chewed my butt for ignoring a radio call?”

“Never heard her.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m back all safe and sound, so don’t worry about it, Daniel.” O’Neill had said all this without once looking up from his packing.

Teal’c did not like this answer. “O’Neill, your actions were negligent and not in the best interests of the team or our mission.” Then Teal’c keyed his radio to inform Major Carter that O’Neill had returned.

O’Neill turned his back on Teal’c, not saying a word as he sat on his mat studiously rearranging the contents of his pack. Teal’c raised an eyebrow. “Daniel Jackson and I are shortly to travel to the other continent to meet with the Gaullans to discuss procuring the device for travel between their Stargates,” he said to O’Neill’s back.

“Why bother. We don’t even have a second Gate anymore,” he said still with his back to Teal’c, continuing to rifle through his pack. “We don’t need this technology.”

Daniel Jackson scowled as he packed up his gear. “Geez, Jack, what’s with you? That wasn’t even a consideration when we came. You were as anxious as anyone to get this device.”

“Changed my mind. I think it’s time we just went home.”

“What!”

“You heard me. Let’s go. Looks like you’re all ready,” O’Neill said turning his head to glare at him.

“We’re going to the other Gate. If you want to go back to Earth, be my guest. It’s not like you’re any use on this trip anyway.”

“No.”

“No, what?”

“No, you’re not going to travel to the other Gate. We’re going home.” O’Neill stood to face Daniel Jackson.

“No…we’re not.”

“Yes…we are. And I’m not going to discuss it any further. Consider this a direct order, Daniel, and one you damn well better obey for once.”

Teal’c did not often become angry with O’Neill but he was quite irritated over the condescension in O’Neill’s tone with Daniel Jackson. He could see Daniel Jackson was also upset. His eyes were blazing with anger and frustration as he dropped his pack and turned to challenge O’Neill.

“I don’t think so, Jack.”

O’Neill set his mouth in a grim line as he stepped over to Daniel Jackson.

Teal’c stepped in between the two men, faced O’Neill and spoke. “A word with you, O’Neill.” After he said this, he saw Daniel Jackson exit the hut to give them privacy.

The cold intensity of O’Neill’s eyes would have intimidated anyone other than his team members. It did not intimidate Teal’c. “You are not behaving like an officer and a gentleman, O’Neill.”

“Yeah, and what would you know about that, Teal’c?”

“I have read documents on military protocol and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. I am well acquainted with the rules and traditions of the US military.”

“Well, so am I, Teal’c. And I’m still the commanding officer of this mission. According to those same documents, whether you like my behavior or not, what I say goes.”

Teal’c was reluctant to tell O’Neill about the meeting he’d had with General Hammond before the mission but now felt he had no choice but to tell O’Neill what the General had said to him. “General Hammond has given me the authority to act on his behalf for the duration of this mission, O’Neill. I have not desired to usurp your authority, but you are now leaving me little choice. I will act on his behalf if you continue to impede this mission and behave in a way not consistent with a leadership position.”

“Give me a break here, will ya, T?”

“No, O’Neill, I will not. The man I have come to know as my brother is above such behavior. I have been slicing you some laxity because of your ulcer but I am now at the termination of my cord.”

O’Neill dropped his glare to give him a puzzled blank look for a few seconds. Then his face briefly opened into a genuine, albeit brief smile. “Okay, I get what you said—don’t know if you do though…” then his face closed down again. “Shit,” O’Neill sighed, now with a weary expression. He raked a hand through his hair.

Teal’c raised an eyebrow. He knew by O’Neill’s defeated sounding epithet that he was backing down to Teal’c’s recently revealed authority.

“Daniel Jackson!” Teal’c called loudly enough for him to hear.

Daniel Jackson appeared immediately, giving Teal’c the distinct impression that he had been right outside the door listening to the entire conversation. By the look on O’Neill’s face, this fact was not lost on him either.

“Are you ready to depart? Tipu will be here shortly and we must be ready to go.”

“Sure, Teal’c. Let me just go say goodbye to Sam.”

O’Neill followed Daniel Jackson out without a word. Teal’c saw him walk past where the women and Major Carter were to continue on into the heart of the village.

When Daniel Jackson returned, Tipu still had not arrived. Many more minutes passed and he was still not forthcoming. Daniel Jackson was growing obviously restless, pacing the length of the hut.

“Do you think Tipu may have forgotten? Maybe something came up…”

“He will arrive shortly, Daniel Jackson. We must be patient a little longer.”

Daniel Jackson sat down next to his pack and drummed his fingers on top of it. A few moments later he said, “Daylight’s wasting, Teal’c. It takes a good forty-five minutes to walk to the Gate. Maybe we should go find him.”

Before Teal’c could answer, Tipu appeared at the hut entrance. He looked a little hesitant, but at Daniel Jackson’s beckoning, he entered the hut. Daniel Jackson greeted him in the native language but when the conversation became more intense and animated, they switched to French, the language Daniel Jackson was more fluent in. Teal’c was even starting to pick up a few words in this language. It seemed Major Carter was correct in telling him of the language’s simplicity. It appeared to Teal’c that many French words were similar to their English counterparts but with a different pronunciation.

The conversation became louder as Daniel Jackson’s tone became more emphatic and the speed with which he spoke increased. Teal’c saw several emotions cross his face, the predominant ones being frustration and anger. Teal’c could see that Daniel Jackson was trying to maintain control over his heightened emotions, but was not able to mask them nearly as well as O’Neill could.

Finally, Daniel Jackson turned to address him. “Teal’c, please go find Jack for me. I need to talk to him now.” Then Daniel Jackson went back to speaking rapidly and emphatically to Tipu.

“Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c interrupted.

Daniel looked at him but didn’t say anything. He looked rather annoyed.

“What has transpired? Why do you want O’Neill?”

“It seems he went to Tipu when he left us and told him we no longer needed to go on this mission to talk to the Gaullans. I can’t believe he went behind our backs like this!” Daniel Jackson’s eyes blazed behind his glasses. He ran a hand through his hair, momentarily imitating O’Neill. “I’ve been able to convince Tipu of the importance and necessity of this mission, but I had to explain to him a little of the discord between Jack and me, which, believe me, I didn’t want to do.”

Teal’c frowned. This mission was not going well, indeed. It was sliding from bad to worse and to compound the difficulties, they were getting the local people involved in SG-1’s interpersonal problems, which had no business even occurring on this world.

Teal’c looked at Tipu who, in turn, looked somewhat uncomfortable and uncertain with the back-and-forth change of plans. Teal’c understood the discomfort of indecision and reflected how unlike SG-1’s usual competence this indecision was. If Teal’c had met with this kind of behavior on Abydos, he never would have chosen to trust and ally himself with O’Neill and his team.

With Teal’c not responding, Daniel Jackson addressed him. “Please, Teal’c, will you find Jack for me? Otherwise, let’s just go to the Gaullans right now.”

“The mission’s off, Daniel.” O’Neill was standing next to an uncomfortable Tipu near the hut doorway. O’Neill’s face had a flat expression, but his eyes showed the anger lying underneath.

“Jack, I just spent the past—”

“If you wish to have words with each other, Tipu should not be present,” Teal’c interrupted.

Daniel Jackson looked at him while O’Neill did not. Daniel Jackson said something in an apologetic tone to Tipu, who then left the hut and quickly disappeared from view. Daniel Jackson faced O’Neill who was still standing by the door.

“Tipu said you spoke to him and told him we didn’t need to proceed with this mission. In French.”

O’Neill shrugged, not making any move to come in further.

Daniel Jackson spat out a long string of French at O’Neill. Teal’c could see by the reaction that O’Neill was unable to completely mask that he obviously understood every word of Daniel Jackson’s rapid speech.

O’Neill answered him in two syllables of French. Teal’c didn’t think he needed a translation to understand what O’Neill had said.

“Come on, Teal’c. Let’s go,” Daniel Jackson said. He wouldn’t look at O’Neill.

“Daniel—” O’Neill started.

Daniel Jackson paid no heed.

“Don’t go, Daniel,” O’Neill warned.

“Want me to say back to you what you just told me in French, Jacques?”

O’Neill said nothing.

Daniel Jackson continued. “You’ve tried to screw us over this entire mission. I’ve been able to convince Tipu of its continued importance and smooth things over. I had to tell him some of what’s going on between us and I think that’s pretty unprofessional behavior to have to cave in to. Tipu’s on his way to the Stargate and we’re going to join him whether you approve or not.”

Daniel Jackson picked up his pack and slung it over one shoulder as he strode to the hut entrance where O’Neill was still standing.

O’Neill moved to block the exit. Daniel Jackson tried to push past him but O’Neill blocked his way.

“Let me past, Jack.”

O’Neill said nothing. Daniel Jackson’s hands balled into fists as he pushed his shoulder into O’Neill’s body.

O’Neill shoved him back into the hut.

Teal’c had had enough. He went to his mat to pick up his staff weapon. Then as O’Neill was forcibly restraining him, Daniel Jackson ducked out from his grasp.

“Knock it off, Jack,” he said, “We’re going. You have no good reason to stop us!”

Teal’c noticed O’Neill ball his hands into fists. He took a step toward Daniel Jackson, which was enough for Teal’c to swing the staff weapon around to strike O’Neill just behind the knees, knocking him to a kneeling position on the floor. He remembered the maneuver well from his days as First Prime when he would follow that motion with the words, “Kneel before your god.” Now though, he didn’t follow through with the words, merely watched O’Neill grimace in pain from the blow to his fragile knees.

“What the hell did you do that for?” O’Neill raged, twisting his head to look at Teal’c.

“You were about to strike Daniel Jackson. I prevented you from carrying out your intention.”

“What’s between me and Daniel is none of your business!”

“I have the authority of General Hammond to see that this mission succeeds. It is indeed my business. You will no longer interfere.”

“Oh. Well, now that you have me where you want me, you’re not gonna shoot me with that thing, so how are you going to hold me to it?”

“With this,” Teal’c said, holding up O’Neill’s zat’nika’tel, which he had swiped from O’Neill’s leg as he went down. “I will not hesitate to shoot you with this.”

Teal’c turned to see Daniel Jackson standing by the door with his pack, watching them. “We are departing now,” Teal’c said. “I will take your zat’nika’tel with me. Since I cannot remain to guard you, this will have to suffice as a deterrent to your following us. I will inform Major Carter of this incident.”

Teal’c was as good as his word. O’Neill didn’t bother to leave the hut to see them off. With Daniel Jackson following him, Teal’c went in search of Major Carter, soon finding her among the women of the village. Oni was with her as well. Teal’c thought that perhaps Oni had tired of O’Neill ignoring her. Teal’c was sorry to see this additional change in O’Neill. He was rapidly becoming a withdrawn and unlikeable person but Teal’c would remain his friend regardless, for that was the nature of brothers.

“Major Carter, we are going to the Stargate immediately. O’Neill remains in the hut. He will not be seeing us off—“

“Why?” she interrupted. “What’s going on?”

“He is reluctant for us to go on this journey. And he seemed to be in some discomfort as we were leaving,” Teal’c said.

“He tried to prevent me from leaving,” Daniel Jackson told her. “Teal’c stopped him. By the way, Sam, it appears Jack is fluent in French. Just thought you’d like to know.”

“Are you sure, Daniel?”

“Sure about what? That he speaks French? That he tried to prevent us from leaving? Oh, yeah. Trust me on both accounts.”

“Oh, God,” she said. “I’d better go talk to him. You’ll be okay if I don’t see you off, either?”

“We are fine,” Teal’c said. “I prefer that you attend O’Neill. His behavior concerns me and you need to know that he is not well. I do not desire to divulge a confidence, but he came to me the night before we left and in our conversation he told me he is suffering from a medical condition being treated by Doctor Fraiser. He called it an ulcer.”

Daniel Jackson looked startled. He spoke first and said, “No kidding!” followed immediately by Major Carter’s reply of “Holy Hannah!”

“Is that why he’s been acting so weird?” Major Carter asked.

“I do not know. I think he is in significant pain at times, but do not know how much of that is responsible for his current behavior.”

“I still think it’s probably because of me,” Daniel Jackson said.

“You are not responsible for O’Neill’s behavior, Daniel Jackson.”

“No, but I’m the reason for it,” Daniel Jackson then turned to walk out of the village to go to the Stargate without waiting for Teal’c.

Major Carter looked at Teal’c with concern showing in her eyes.

“I have great confidence in you, Major Carter,” Teal’c said in parting but he knew that wasn’t what she had needed to hear. Teal’c just didn’t know what else to say.

Chapter Eleven

Their hut was not far from where Sam had been talking with the women. She walked briskly toward it. Oni hurried to catch up to her.

“Not this time, Oni,” she said, holding Oni by the shoulders, gently turning her back.

Oni looked at her uncomprehending.

“Onira doesn’t feel well,” she said gently, holding her head to indicate pain.

Oni seemed to understand because she stopped trying to accompany Sam. She just stood there watching her go into the hut.

Once inside, Sam saw the Colonel lying on his back on his mat with an arm shielding his eyes.

“Colonel?”

“Go away.”

“No, Sir,” Sam said as she sat cross-legged on the next mat, facing him. Then she asked him in French, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

She continued in French. “So you do speak French. Why did you have me translate for you if you knew everything that was being said? That’s tantamount to a lie, Sir, and pretty low behavior.”

Colonel O’Neill said nothing, his arm still lying over his eyes.

“Colonel—”

“Leave, Carter. I can make it an order if I have to.”

“And I’ll disobey it if you do.” This was in English.

Silence.

“Jack,” Sam ventured, trying anything to break through his wall. That one worked. He pulled his arm off his face and turned his head to look at her. She continued in French once more, just to find out how much he really understood. “Teal’c says you have an ulcer.”

“Damn him! He’s the one person I thought I could trust to keep a confidence. He had no business telling you that.”

Yup. Fluent. But she didn’t say anything about it. Instead, she switched back to English and followed up on his comment. “I think he did, Sir. Maybe it’s related to why you have been doing everything possible to prevent Daniel from performing his duties on this mission. Not only is it not like you, but we can’t function like this for long without the SGC doing something about it, a solution I’m sure none of us will like.”

Colonel O’Neill didn’t answer. Instead, he turned his head back to face the ceiling and put his arm back over his eyes.

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me, Jack.” It felt so improper for her to say his name, but she knew it would get his attention.

Not moving he asked, “What’s with the name, Carter?”

“I need to know what is going on with you, Sir. I don’t mean to threaten you or make you feel defensive but you aren’t acting like a commanding officer. Insubordinate though it may be, I don’t think you deserve the respect of your rank right now. So court martial me if you want, but that’s why I used your name.”

O’Neill took his arm down again to look at her. He looked at once angry and uncertain, and even a little nervous, not a face she’d seen before. Vulnerable. She was surprised at his reaction to her words, as if he had a lot more respect for her than she’d realized.

Now she was suddenly nervous. She backpedaled. “Look, Colonel, forget I said anything, okay?”

“Oh, fer cryin’ out loud,” he said with a tired sigh as he sat up to face her. “What’s this really about, Carter?”

The dam burst open when she saw she finally had his attention. “Why do you have an ulcer? Why is your behavior so irrational? Why are you treating us all so badly? What’s going on in your head?”

“You think I’d be this way if I knew? You tell me, you’re the smart one.”

“Yeah, but I’m no psychologist. You seemed fine until right after Daniel returned, so it seems obvious to me it has something to do with him.”

Jack looked at her warily.

Suddenly it came to her, “Oh my God! I know what it is—you can’t handle something good happening to you! You’ve sucked up all these deep emotions and buried them to cope with all the hard things in your life. You’ve had some especially intense recent bad events and now you can’t handle something positive happening!”

“Okay, enough psychoanalysis, Carter. I’m sorry I asked.”

“No, wait! You’ve stuffed and stuffed everything and now this good thing has put you into an emotional overload and you can’t handle it. That’s why you have the ulcer!”

“So now that you’ve got my problems all neatly figured out, how exactly am I supposed to deal with all this?”

She was surprised that he hadn’t defended himself against what she’d just said. He must truly be near the end of his emotional rope. Sam started chuckling as she answered, thinking of the absurdity of her solution as it related to Jack O’Neill, “If you were a woman, you’d have a good cry, and everything would be better in the morning.”

“Yeah, right. Well, that was useful. Thanks a whole lot, Carter.”

“I guess you’ll have to figure out your own way out of this, Sir. At least you have a plausible explanation for your ulcer now,” she said. As an afterthought, she added, “Did you notice your sarcasm and sense of humor have disappeared?”

His look of unguarded surprise showed her that he had indeed not noticed.

Sam looked at him for a few seconds, not knowing what else to say. He wasn’t making eye contact with her so she followed up with, “Guess I’ve said what I came to say. I’ll leave you be.”

“Carter?”

“Hmm?”

“What do you say we go over to the other Gate and see what Danny and Teal’c are up to?”

Talk about a change of subject! Caution—O’Neill defense mechanism kicking in! she thought, but aloud she said, “We don’t have permission and I don’t know how to use their device…”

“That never stopped us before. I’m sure you could figure it out in no time. Come on, let’s go,” he said as he stood up. “I don’t like not knowing what’s going on.”

“You just want to keep tabs on Daniel,” Sam smiled.

“You know me, the mother hen.”

“Teal’c won’t let anything happen to him. Don’t worry, Sir.”

“What, me worry?” The Colonel gave her his best impersonation of his usual innocent look. She appreciated the effort, but it didn’t make her change her mind.

“They’ll be back soon, Sir. I’m going out to be with the women.” As she was leaving the hut, she paused and turned to tell him, “By the way, I think Oni wants to see you. Are you up for it?”

He didn’t answer for a moment then said, “You know, I really don’t know, Carter.”

Sam looked at him a few seconds more then shrugged and left him to himself, unable to suppress her continuing feelings of concern.

^ ^ ^

It was a few hours later when she heard Colonel O’Neill’s voice behind her as a group of women encircled her, laughing.

“Carter?”

She turned around smiling broadly. Her smile faded instantly as she saw how pale he looked. His eyes couldn’t mask the pain he was obviously in either. Oni was protectively holding his hand. He was so at ease with this she didn’t think he was even aware of it, but she noticed he was gripping Oni so tightly his knuckles were white and her fingertips showing through his grip were deep red. She wasn’t complaining though, just looking at him with concern. She was worried, Carter could tell.

“Are you okay, Sir?”

“Fine, Carter,” he said, not convincing her. “Daniel and Teal’c came back. They’re at the Gate and didn’t want to bother hiking back here when they’re probably just going to turn around and go right back. We’re supposed to meet them there.”

“Did they get the device?” She wanted to ask about how he was feeling, but the Colonel’s expression told her she’d get nowhere if she tried.

“Teal’c didn’t say. He just wants us to meet them at the Gate as soon as we can get there.” Sam noticed he was beginning to hunch over, putting much of his weight off to one side. He looked like he was almost leaning on Oni, using the little girl for support. Oni wasn’t complaining, but it was obvious she was not able to give him what he needed.

“Sir, something’s wrong with you. What is it?”

“I’m fine, Carter. Let’s just get to the Gate, okay?”

“Let me make a quick trip to the hut to get my things, then I’ll be ready to go,” she said but her obvious concern caused her to speak more tentatively than normal. She started off for the hut looking behind at him as she went, wondering if she should leave him.

“I’ll go with you,” he said.

She turned around to face him. “Colonel, you don’t look like you’re up to doing much right now. You sit here and I’ll be back as soon as I grab my stuff,” she said walking backwards toward the hut.

“Carter—”

“No, Sir. I’m not going to let you come with me. You stay here. If you make it an order, I’ll disobey it. Now sit down and rest a minute. I’ll be right back.”

“Yes, Sir,” he said, saluting her despite not being able to straighten up.

She turned around, smiling in spite of herself and hastened off before he could comment further.

Once she was back inside the hut, she dropped to her mat to pack up the few things she had laid out near it. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a saucer-sized dark spot next to O’Neill’s mat in the dirt. Curious she went over to inspect it. It was wet and smelled faintly unpleasant but she couldn’t place the odor. A bit rotten and metallic, she thought. She didn’t want to touch it but she bent over to see it a little more closely. Finally, she pulled a used Kleenex out of a pocket and touched it to the wet spot. The Kleenex turned a dark red with brown flecks of dirt or something else, mixed in.

Blood.

Undoubtedly, the Colonel’s blood. This was not good.

She threw her things in her pack carelessly, in a hurry to get back to the Colonel. Once there, she saw him in an unguarded moment sitting leaning to one side, bracing himself with one outstretched arm on the ground while the other was bent in front of him, probably holding his stomach from the angle she could see. Oni was crouched next to him caringly patting his back with a protective arm.

When Sam reached him, she crouched down, too.

“Colonel, what’s going on?”

He looked at her with misery in his eyes. Her eyes widened as she saw that he wasn’t hiding how he felt.

“I’m fine, Carter,” he lied. “Let’s go.” With that, he tried to rise to a shaky stand.

She didn’t say anything but grabbed his upper arm in a firm grip and helped him up.

“Put your arm around me, Sir. I can support you while we go to the Gate.”

Colonel O’Neill actually leaned on her, still hunched over a little as she put her arm around his waist to help support him further. She had fully expected him to tell her where she could shove that arm but he didn’t. He put one arm around her shoulders while the other clutched his stomach.

Oni reached up to hold his hand lying across his stomach and trotted alongside them. As they reached the outskirts of the village, O’Neill shook off Oni’s hand. She looked up at him puzzled.

He took a few minutes to say goodbye to Oni, grimacing as he crouched down. He gave her a long, tight hug and stroked her head. Once she realized that he was saying goodbye, she began to nod her head ‘no’. The Colonel gave her a weak smile with sad eyes, grabbing Carter for support as he stood. They started off down the path toward the Stargate and away from Oni. She ran partway down the path after them with tears in her eyes, but “Onira” didn’t look back.

Sam worried that the Colonel might not be able to travel the distance to the Gate. He was almost limping because he was holding himself in such an asymmetrical position. He was moving slowly and carefully. She suspected what was wrong and was proven right before they’d even walked fifteen minutes as O’Neill suddenly moaned and retched, dropping to all fours as he threw up on the path. The first heave brought a forceful stream of clots of maroon blood. As he continued to heave, the blood became more liquid and a brighter red.

Sam felt the adrenaline surge through her, causing her hands and feet to tingle with a pins-and-needles charge. She felt a bolt of fear run all the way down her spine. He was vomiting a lot of blood. No stranger to bloody battles, this was more frightening to her because there was no overt wound to be able to put pressure on, just blood pouring in great mouthfuls from the Colonel. It didn’t want to stop and she didn’t know how to help.

Colonel O’Neill looked absolutely miserable. His eyes conveyed panic and fear because he obviously didn’t know what was happening himself. He clutched his stomach but then had to move the hand to the ground to brace himself for the next wave of vomiting, only to clutch his stomach again in between bouts. Sam didn’t think he was aware that his moans were turning into whimpers. The sight and sound reminded her of a dog she’d seen once that had been hit by a car and was bewildered by the pain but hadn’t died yet.

She crouched down beside him as her wits came back to her after her initial frozen fear. She put one arm around his back to support him and held his forehead with the other. He briefly glanced at her and she could see the gratefulness mixed with the fear and misery in his eyes.

Finally, the last of his retching heaves were almost devoid of any material. He stayed as he was, spitting blood onto the saturated ground until his mouth was finally dry. He sat back on his haunches then collapsed backward to sit on the ground, his knees bent in front of him. He held his pale, sweaty head in shaky hands, his arms braced on his knees.

Carter took off her pack and searched for something to clean him up with. She found her pack of Kleenexes, grabbing several and wadding them up. She poured a little water on them from her canteen and without a word, gently turned his face toward her.

He had dark red bloody lips, looking like a vampire who’d just finished a meal. Blood was drying over his chin and he had spatters scattered on his cheeks and nose and even a few on his forehead. That had been some forceful vomiting, she thought.

Sam gently but firmly wiped his face clean. He let her do it without protest. She felt like a mother cleaning the face of her dirty little boy. But this boy looked worn out and battle weary. She wanted to cradle him in her arms and hug his head to her breast but didn’t for fear that he would actually let her.

“Come on, Sir. We’d better get back to the Gate before this happens again. I think you’ve lost a lot of blood.”

She helped him up. He didn’t say a word as they rose, just leaned on her with more of his weight than before. He was panting as they lurched along, every once in a while letting out an involuntary moan often sounding more like a whimper. His legs were increasingly shaky as they walked. She hoped he could make it.

After an hour and a half, they still weren’t at the Gate and O’Neill didn’t look like he had much energy left. Sam thought that if she were to leave him and go alone, she could probably be there in fifteen minutes and bring back help.

“Sir, I think I should go get some help. You don’t look like you can go much farther.”

“Carter, I’ve been in worse situations…I can make it.”

“I’m sure you can, Sir, but why, when you have me to get help. You don’t need to save face for any of us so let us help you.”

His knees buckled and Sam helped control his descent until he was sitting slumped in the path. “All right,” he murmured.

“Okay, thank you. Don’t move, I’ll be right back with help.”

She ran to the Gate and was there in ten minutes.

“Teal’c, go back to the Colonel. I think his ulcer has started to bleed. He’s been vomiting up a lot of blood. He’s weak and can’t make it the rest of the way. Daniel, dial up the Gate and bring back some help right away.”

Sam followed Teal’c, who had started off at a dead run after she had spoken. By the time she reached them, Teal’c was carrying the Colonel in his arms and O’Neill was weakly protesting. His lips were bloody again and he had some blood spatters on his sleeves, which hadn’t been there before.

“I’m not a baby, Teal’c. I can walk.”

“I have no doubt of that, O’Neill. Nevertheless, you would benefit from my assistance.”

“Teal’c, put him down. We can make a chair with our arms and carry him that way. It’ll be easier for you and I think it’ll be faster in the long run.”

He tilted his head at her sensible suggestion and put O’Neill down feet first so he could stand. He almost collapsed. They interlocked their arms immediately and O’Neill practically fell into the makeshift human seat. He put his arms around their shoulders and they made their way back to the Stargate as rapidly as they could.

They were quick enough to beat Daniel before he had a medical team mobilized. Sam dialed the Gate for home and sent through the IDC. As they emerged in the SGC, they met the medical team at the foot of the ramp ready to embark. Teal’c and Carter placed O’Neill on the gurney standing by and the medics whisked him away.

Chapter Twelve

General Hammond included Jonas in their debriefing the next day. Colonel O’Neill was still in the infirmary after having been endoscoped once again, transfused and started on more aggressive therapy for his bleeding ulcer. Daniel started the meeting by speaking rather animatedly about the feast they’d attended upon their arrival in the village then Major Carter described her visit with the women. Afterward, Daniel started to discuss the attitude of the local people and the discussions they’d had with Tipu and the other leaders. General Hammond noticed that none of them mentioned Colonel O’Neill and what had gone on with him there.

“Doctor Jackson,” Hammond asked toward the end of the debriefing, “will you tell us how your negotiations went with the Gaullans?”

“They don’t trust us yet, but are willing to discuss the technology if we spend some more time with them so they can get to know us better. They want to know how we, umm… tick, so-to-speak. I think they would welcome a visit here, actually. They seem to be reasonable people, with whom I think we can develop a good working relationship—maybe even turn it into a friendship.”

“Good,” Hammond said. “In that case, I think your visits to this planet have come to an end. We can send one of the diplomatic teams to follow up and make any future visits.” Despite Jack’s recent problems, they had still had a successful mission and Hammond was grateful, for it bought him—and Jack—time. “Well done, SG-1,” he said, smiling. “You are all dismissed.” He watched them pensively as he noted that none of them were smiling back at him as they filed out of the conference room.

^ ^ ^

A few days later, SG-9 reported back to General Hammond after visiting P4X-449 and meeting with the Gaullans. They had invited Tipu to join the conference and in making the acquaintance of the new SG team, he had brought up in passing Colonel O’Neill’s odd behavior on their last visit. Tipu told them how O’Neill had tried to convince him that their mission to the planet hadn’t really been necessary and how he had called off the visit to the Gaullans. Hammond called a meeting of SG-1 to discuss this once the Colonel was out of the infirmary.

“People, I have called this meeting because some new information about your last mission to P4X-449 has come to light. Would anyone care to enlighten me about what went on with Tipu over there? And I think you know what I mean.”

General Hammond could tell they knew exactly what he meant when a disquieting mood permeated the room with discomfort registering on their faces, even that of the usually taciturn Teal’c. The only member who was not looking ill-at-ease was Colonel O’Neill, whose face was neutral and closed. That spoke louder to the General than anything.

“Colonel O’Neill,” he ventured gently. Jack didn’t respond.

“ Colonel O’Neill,” he emphasized. When Jack finally gave him a guarded look he continued, “I take it not everything went smoothly.”

“What ever gave you that idea?” Jack asked feigning innocence.

“The looks on the faces of your team. I know you all well enough to know some unsettling circumstances occurred while you were off world and in light of recent events and behavior, it’s not too hard to guess that you are probably at the center of it.”

“I’m fine, General. In fact, I feel better than I have in weeks.”

“That’s not the point I was trying to make, Colonel.” Hammond persisted.

No one spoke, but everyone looked more uncomfortable. Jonas merely looked puzzled.

“Colonel?”

Hammond watched Jack’s eyes go to each member of his team. Out of a vestige of loyalty to their CO, Hammond knew none of them were about to confess to the General what had transpired on the planet. Maybe they were waiting for the Colonel to explain, since it seemed to center on him. Or perhaps they were worried about a setback when Jack had just been released from the infirmary.

“I may have slowed things down a little…” Jack said finally.

“How so, Colonel?”

“I, uh, had this thought that since we didn’t have the second Stargate anymore that maybe we didn’t need to bother with getting the device to travel between Gates. I mean, what good would it do us now?”

“I see. Might this have had something to do with Doctor Jackson being the one to go through to the other Gate to negotiate?”

Teal’c eventually broke Colonel O’Neill’s silence when he said, “I believe it does, General Hammond.”

“So how did you all resolve it?”

“Among ourselves,” Teal’c said, giving no further explanation. None of the others spoke, nor did they look at the General or each other. Jonas still looked puzzled.

“I see,” Hammond said again. He remained silent waiting to see if anyone else had something to add. When no one was forthcoming, he finally said, “Colonel O’Neill, you are dismissed to wait for me in my office. The rest of you please remain here a moment.”

“Anything any of them wants to say they can damn well say in front of me,” Jack said, disobeying the General.

“Very well, Jack. People, stop trying to protect each other and just tell me what the hell went on between you over there.”

More silence. Jonas still looked perplexed as he watched each of the other team members.

“Oh fer cryin’ out loud! I canceled the mission then I tried to stop Daniel from going and I guess I got a little too physical with him so Teal’c whacked me on the back of the knees with his staff weapon to get me to let go.”

“All right.” General Hammond’s eyes blazed as he stood up. “You are all dismissed. Colonel O’Neill? My office,” General Hammond said then he turned to the rest of them. “Why don’t you all go home? Take some time off, do something together on this planet where you won’t have to worry about Doctor Jackson’s safety.”

“Who said anything about this planet being safe?” Jack growled as he rose to follow the General to his office.

Once there, General Hammond told him, “Jack, you are perilously close to us having that chat I promised you a few weeks ago. Before we do, though, I’m giving you one last chance. Take some time off to think about how you are going to solve the problem you are having with Doctor Jackson. I have spoken with Doctor Fraiser and she is willing to give you a medical leave since your ulcer was severe, so there won’t be any repercussions in your record.” The General paused, his eyes boring into Jack’s. “Yet.”

“May I go now?” Jack asked flatly. Then pointedly added, “Sir?”

“One more thing, before you go. I meant what I said about the five of you doing something together while you are on stand down. You are a dysfunctional team right now and that needs to change or you will jeopardize future missions. And as team leader, the responsibility rests on your shoulders.

“If things don’t change, Colonel, I will have no recourse but to either reassign each of you to other teams or change the nature of your missions to ones known to be safe—and undoubtedly much more boring.”

Without waiting for a dismissal, Jack turned and left. General Hammond slumped in his chair and sighed. He didn’t know if anything he’d just told Jack would have any impact on him. He was well aware that Jack knew that their past effectiveness as the most successful SG team would make any attempt to break them up a last resort decision. And after saving the world (how many times now?), he knew there would be no change in the types of risky missions they embarked on. If Jack called his bluff, Hammond didn’t know what he had left in his arsenal to try to break Jack out of his emotional prison. And then maybe things would get bad enough for drastic measures.

He turned to pick up his phone. He hesitated before dialing as he thought about how rare and distasteful it was for him to be on the outside of Jack’s walls. Shut out.

Then he called Dr. Fraiser to fill her in and get her advice.

-----

After showering and changing into street clothes, Jack spent some time alone in his office. He tried to do some of the ever-present paperwork, which he thought was as good an excuse as any to isolate himself from his team—or anyone else for that matter. What he hadn’t counted on were the thoughts that distracted him mercilessly.

He didn’t know why he had felt better for a while after talking to Carter in the hut, but he had. She hadn’t really solved any of his problems though, and now that feeling of well-being he’d had before his ulcer had started bleeding was lost to him. He felt almost as miserable as he did when his marriage was crumbling.

Back then, the memories of Charlie’s face progressively seemed to fade as the weeks without him turned into months. He was afraid to tell this to Sara, for fear she would think he hadn’t loved him deeply enough. How could you ever lose the image of your son’s face? It had stayed gone until the crystal entity had given it back to him. A temporary face he could not only see, but touch and hear. He’d come very close to dissolving emotionally that day as this form of his son touched him, literally and figuratively. But just as he started to fall apart he was saved, ironically enough, by the interruption of Daniel talking to him. Now it was Daniel causing his misery.

He still couldn’t put his finger on why he felt this way about Daniel— Bullshit, Jack. You know exactly why you feel this way. Teal’c was right. He just couldn’t handle the information Teal’c had given him. He couldn’t bury it. And he couldn’t act on it.

Forgiveness. What a concept. Not for him. He hadn’t forgiven Frank Cromwell for leaving him—although, if he had been given a little more time…He hadn’t forgiven Ba’al. Or Kanan. And he certainly was never forgiving himself for Charlie….And he was not going to forgive Daniel for leaving him either. Ever. The feel of his soul screaming in protest was like Ba’al’s acid eating into his heart. His stomach was getting better but the ulcer in his spirit was getting worse. And Teal’c was right about that, too. There was no pill for what ailed him.

He realized he had no desire to stay in his office where there was nothing to distract him from his agony so he decided to hole up at home for a while. There he could numb himself in alcohol, distract himself with the TV—but not The Simpson’s because he didn’t want to laugh—and have only himself for company, a rotten choice but the alternative, people, was so much worse. They were on stand down for the time being anyway so this would be a good time to get away from (Daniel) everyone…

On his way out, the blessed O’Neill luck struck again as he ran into his dreaded team waiting for the elevator. He wanted to turn around and go right back to his office. But they had seen him.

Oh fer cryin’ out loud. Why now?

Shit.

“Hi, Colonel. We’re making plans to go out to dinner tonight. Why don’t you join us?” Jonas asked.

“Nope. Not in the mood.”

“Umm….doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of General Hammond wanting us to do something together?” Daniel asked.

“He didn’t include me when he said that to all of you,” he lied.

“Come on, Sir. Let’s do something together tonight. Then you can be by yourself all you want, what do you say?” Carter joined in.

Carter, it’s way too scary how well you know me . And you won’t let me get away, will you? Jack felt defeated and unable to escape. Trapped. He gave in with a shrug. The General was going to force him into spending time with them eventually anyway in hopes they would bond or something. The absolute last thing he wanted was to get forced into some touchy-feely warm fuzzy crap with his team. Maybe spending this evening with them would be enough to prevent something like that from having to happen. After tonight, he would have “team-building” over and done with and could close himself up in his house for as long as he could get away with it.

“We will pick you up, O’Neill,” said Teal’c, knowing that a shrug was the best response they were going to get.

^ ^ ^

Standing by the refrigerator, Jack opened his third beer and took a long drink from the bottle. Doc Fraiser would kill him if she knew he was assaulting his tender, freshly healed stomach with alcohol, but the need to numb his whirling thoughts made it worth the price he might have to pay in physical suffering. He set the half empty bottle of beer down reluctantly when the doorbell rang. Crap. He quickly took the two empties and threw them in the trash before he made his way to the door just as the doorbell rang a second time. He opened the door without saying a word.

“O’Neill,” Teal’c said. “We have arrived to take you to dinner.”

“Yes, I see that, Teal’c. No offense, but I think I’m going to drive myself. Why don’t you all pile back into Carter’s car and I’ll meet you there.”

“No, Sir,” Carter replied. “General Hammond wanted us to spend some time together and in my book that includes the trip there.”

“Well, not in mine, but anything I have to say doesn’t count for shit anymore,” he grumbled, but grabbed his coat and followed them out anyway. “If we have to go together we’ll take my truck,” he said, resigned, but still wanting to have some measure of control by having his own vehicle and driving it.

They went to O’Malley’s for dinner again since it would be a good casual place to unwind. Carter, Jonas and Daniel kept chattering the whole way, annoying the silent Jack O’Neill no end. He was glad he’d fortified himself with those beers before they’d shown up. It made the trip less onerous. This night couldn’t be over soon enough.

What his team hadn’t counted on was the hockey game playing on the TV. It was the only thing to salvage the evening for Jack. That and the beer. Mmmm….beeeerr…So, okay, this evening could be worse, he thought as the waitress brought his next beer, along with a round for the others.

“Colonel, should you be drinking beer yet?” Carter asked, obviously concerned.

“I’m fine, Carter. All healed up.”

“Still, Sir, I’m sure beer isn’t the best—”

“That’s enough, Carter. It’s my decision, not yours,” he said, cutting her off.

“But you were—”

“ Ah!” he said with a finger accusingly waving at her.

She look she gave him showed her frustration and anger, but it was mixed with concern and worry as well. Jack felt guilty for making her feel that way, especially after what she’d seen him go through on the planet, but it wasn’t enough to make him apologize or stop drinking.

Carter was silent and disinterested for a while after that. The other three tried to get her and Jack engaged in their conversation. Eventually it worked, at least for Carter. Whenever they gave Jack one of those “are-you-paying- any-attention-to-us” looks, he would follow their conversation half-heartedly until he could sneak his attention back to the hockey game. They were his companions for the evening, but he did his best to pretend he was alone. As the evening wore on, they paid less attention to him and for that he was grateful.

“Well, I guess I’m ready to call it a night,” Carter said eventually, as she drained the last of her glass of beer. Teal’c and Jonas had consumed a mountain of food. Jack’s dinner remained mostly uneaten except for the French fries, which disappeared one by one off his plate, consumed by the two bottomless pits sitting across from him.

“Jack, you ready to go?” Daniel asked, after paying the bill. Jack knew Daniel well enough to know he had treated the others out of a sense of guilt over being the one whose presence had precipitated Jack’s withdrawal.

“Huh? What?” Jack replied without taking his eyes from the TV.

Sam smiled, looking like she was trying to raise a smile from the others as well when she commented, “Daniel, he just did a pretty good impersonation of you.”

“ Jack!” Daniel repeated. Jack saw him glance at Carter without comment.

“What!” Jack said, glaring at Daniel, annoyed.

“We’re ready to go. Are you coming?”

“Game’s almost over, give me a minute, will ya?”

Now Daniel was the one looking annoyed. “It’s always about you, isn’t it Jack?”

-----

“Guys, come on. We’ve had a pleasant evening, don’t ruin it now,” Sam said. A pleading tone edged into her voice as she desperately tried to keep things on an even keel. She had been hoping that they could engage the Colonel in a fun evening. She hadn’t said anything to the others, but she’d hoped they could watch the Lilo and Stitch video she’d rented them as she’d promised to do when they were on Oni’s planet. Now it looked like they would be going their separate ways once they got back to the Colonel’s house.

“Ah, hell…” Colonel O’Neill said, getting up to leave. He snatched up his coat and shoved his way past the others, leading the way out.

His silence was as cold as the December air as they walked to the truck. After the Colonel pressed the unlock button, Daniel got in the front passenger seat. Sam and Jonas joined Teal’c in the back, a tight fit for Sam stuck in the middle.

It had started to snow and the roads were now getting slick. In his big truck with its four-wheel-drive, everyone assumed they would be safe but as Colonel O’Neill braked for a red light, the truck never slowed. With his reflexes hampered by beer, he didn’t have the presence of mind to shift into four-wheel-drive but braked harder instead. The icy road was too slick for the anti-lock brakes to keep the truck from sliding into the intersection. Sam saw the car approaching from their right, noting that it, too, was unable to slow down. As that driver braked, her car started sliding sideways until her left front bumper smashed right into Daniel’s door. The momentum of her car transferred to the truck, pushing it sideways, too. The truck ended up in the middle of the intersection facing the car that had just hit them. The glass from Daniel’s window littered the ground around them.

“Everyone okay?” the Colonel asked.

“I am uninjured,” said Teal’c.

“I’m okay, too,” said Sam with a shaky voice. She’d been cushioned by the two big men. “Jonas? Daniel?” she asked.

“I’m okay, Major Carter. Doctor Jackson, you okay?”

“Daniel?”

“Daniel?”

“Ummm….I think I’m bleeding here. My head hurts.” Daniel said, lightly touching the right side of his head. His hand came away bloody.

“Oh, God, Daniel, you’re bleeding all right,” Sam said as she saw his bloody hand. She fished around in her purse and found a spare panty liner. “Here, use this,” she said, folding it to make it thicker.

“Thanks,” he said, taking the pad.

“Let me see, Daniel,” Colonel O’Neill said undoing his seat belt so he could turn to look at Daniel better. He gently grasped Daniel’s head and turned it toward him so he could see the damage. There was a large bump developing on the side of his head near the temple. He had numerous cuts and a good-sized gash above his right ear, which was where most of the bleeding was coming from. “Ah, geez,” the Colonel said under his breath. He grasped Daniel’s hand with the pad, moving it to the laceration. “Here, hold pressure on it.”

A siren sounded in the distance, quickly growing louder. The police arrived a minute later. One of them knocked on Colonel O’Neill’s window and he lowered it for the officer.

“Anyone hurt, here?” The officer asked.

“Nothing to write home about,” the Colonel said. “Our friend here has a few cuts and a bump on his head, but that’s nothing new for him.” Normally, that would have made everyone smile, but they knew O’Neill hadn’t said it with the intention of being humorous.

“Sir, I can smell alcohol on your breath. Would you step out of the truck, please?” The officer’s concerned demeanor had changed into suspicion with these words.

Colonel O’Neill put his head back on the headrest. “Crap,” he said, not making any effort to get out.

Then the policeman turned his head to look at the people in the back seat. “The rest of you please stay where you are. We’ll call the paramedics for your friend.” The officer then spoke to his partner to have her call an ambulance for the injured passenger.

“Better get out, Jack,” Daniel said with a grunt, still holding the compress to his head.

“This is so—” O’Neill started.

Sam tried to encourage him. “Sir, just do as he asks. It’ll only get worse if you don’t cooperate.” She knew this was a distinct possibility.

As the Colonel reluctantly got out of his truck, grumbling, the officer backed up a couple of steps to make room for him. Sam handed her phone to Jonas and asked him to call General Hammond to tell him what had happened. The officer held a breathalyzer up to the humiliated Jack O’Neill, who obeyed the command to breathe into it.

“Sir, I’m going to have to take you in. Your alcohol level is above the legal limit,” he said as he looked at the readout.

Colonel O’Neill ran a hand down his face and leaned back against his truck. To Sam, it looked like he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Then he stood erect looking ready to fight—or run. The officer changed his stance to be on guard ready to immobilize Jack.

“O’Neill,” Teal’c said from the back seat, in warning.

Colonel O’Neill stayed as he was for a few more seconds then dropped his shoulders and sighed. The officer turned him around to put the plastic ties on that substituted for handcuffs. While he was facing them, they all saw the unguarded look of defeat on his face. Sam’s eyes welled with tears as she dealt with the emotional confusion of her anger at him for driving impaired, her guilt for not having noticed how much he’d been drinking, yet also feeling sympathy for the vulnerability he had just revealed. As in the hut on the planet, she could tell there wasn’t much left of his emotional reserves.

-----

Both Daniel Jackson and the Colonel were released within minutes of each other several hours later. Doctor Jackson, from the hospital emergency room where a CT scan of his head had shown no damage. They had stitched the cut above his ear and taped the other smaller lacerations. He was to keep ice on the large bump on his head for the next 24 hours. Colonel O’Neill had been another matter.

General Hammond showed up in uniform at the county lockup and pulled some strings to get him released in the interests of national security. Since the Colonel’s alcohol level was barely over the legal limit, he was able to get it swept under the rug with the proviso that Colonel O’Neill would not repeat the incident, or the next time he would lose his license. Hammond was relieved that he had succeeded in making such a deal because if the higher-ups in the military ever discovered it, it could mean a court martial and the end of the Colonel’s career. And retirement wouldn’t have the same meaning without a pension. As they walked out of jail together, General Hammond informed his second-in-command of the painful decision he’d reluctantly made after he found out about the accident.

“Jack, I’m relieving you of duty for the foreseeable future.”

Jack took the news silently.

“I know how you feel about Doctor Mackenzie so I won’t make you see him but I’m ordering you to start counseling with Doctor Fraiser. She can consult discreetly with outside psychiatrists if she needs to. When you are able, you are going to have to make your peace with Doctor Jackson and the others before I will let you resume your duties.”

“Yes, Sir,” Jack said in a barely audible voice, staring at the ground as he walked to the parking lot and the General’s car.

They were silent on the drive back to Jack’s house. General Hammond didn’t know what else to do. Nothing he’d come up with had worked with Jack. He had never felt so impotent, so unable to fix the problem—so unable to help. For a General, it was not a feeling he was used to. He wondered if he’d made the right decision in relieving the Colonel of his command. It could precipitate a further fall for Jack when maybe his job was the only thing he was hanging onto. On the other hand, didn’t they always say a person had to hit bottom before they would be willing to seek help? He was afraid that with Jack though, there was no bottom, only an abyss. The forced counseling would be useless because Jack was not ready for it. Hammond knew, though, that it was the only way to keep the higher-ups from forcing him to retire. God help him, thought Hammond. God might be the only one who could help him now.

^ ^ ^

Jack stayed out of the SGC, except for his appointments with Janet Fraiser. She had made a point to follow up on his ulcer before every so-called counseling session until it had fully healed. He was also able to get his truck repaired, and deal with his insurance company, which had caught wind of the drunken driving charge, despite the “official” sweeping under the rug. His premium skyrocketed as a result. He was lucky they hadn’t dropped him altogether.

The various members of SG-1 dropped by every so often but he made a point not to acknowledge any of them. With a few exceptions, he knew when they were there and how long they stayed but he wasn’t in the mood to deal with any of them. So he spent the rest of his days alone, consuming enough beer to get him in trouble on a daily basis, if he were ever to leave his house, which he didn’t, except to buy more beer. If you were going to go off the deep end, might as well go the whole way, he thought. Besides, it numbed his soul and made it easier to be with himself. And if it made his ulcer reappear and start to bleed again, well, there were worse ways to go…

One morning Jack was surprised to find he’d depleted his entire beer supply. He hadn’t thought he had been drinking it that rapidly but the empty bottles and cans lying around his usually neat house confirmed it. When he opened the front door to go out to get more, he’d found Teal’c sitting on his doorstep reading the paper. After reluctantly acknowledging him, Jack went back inside and watched all day for Teal’c to leave, finally giving up. The following morning, though, the stoop was empty and since he was now relentlessly sober, he decided to drive his truck to the liquor store instead of walking. As he absent-mindedly drove, his thoughts raced in his head, a jumbled mess of memories and grief. He was perilously close to self-pity, an emotion he never thought he’d succumb to again.

In Iraq, he’d only felt sorry for himself for a brief time on the day he’d hit rock bottom. He remembered it as the last time he had cried. After he pulled himself out of his pit of despair, even while remaining in his physical one, he vowed he would never sink that low again. And he hadn’t. Even when Charlie died. He had taught himself to close off his emotions every time his grief grew close to the surface. Whenever he felt tears pricking his eyes or feel a lump in his throat, he brought himself back to the latter days of his time in Iraq, when he had learned to zone out from his feelings in order to cope.

He had honed that skill by daily practice in Iraq, and he had honed it to a sharper point in the first weeks after Charlie’s death. Honed it so well, it even kept Sara at bay. Then he’d polished it to a brilliant hardness in the loneliness of her absence after she’d given up and walked away.

Then he hadn’t had to zone out anymore as a wimpy, idealistic four-eyed archeologist geek had entered his life and challenged him to go on when he had been on the cusp of ending his life. Through his intuitive problem solving, Daniel brought Jack, and the world, the gift of the Stargate. With that gift came a greater sense of purpose by fighting a threat so much bigger than Saddam it made him look like a flea on a very large dog.

And Jack had helped the wimpy four-eyed geek become a tougher, stronger man, still idealistic and hopeful, but willing to tackle any obstacle in his fight for justice and freedom for the universe. For that, Jack should have been proud, but now he felt defeated. He could no longer put himself in the “Zone” when it came to thoughts of Daniel because Daniel wasn’t gone anymore.

Daniel’s return renewed for Jack the pain of Charlie’s absence. So Daniel had brought grief to Jack. Daniel had brought the fear of loss. But Daniel had brought hope, too. Daniel had brought happiness. With his return, Daniel had brought all the things Jack didn’t dare think about, for fear he’d lose his invulnerability. All those emotional pitfalls he’d spent so much energy navigating would appear before his feet once more.

And he couldn’t risk it.

He snapped back to the present as he found himself turning into the cemetery entrance. How had he gotten here? He was on his way to the liquor store, for crying out loud! Why had he ended up here? He got out of the truck and walked the familiar route to his son’s grave. He stood there for a long time staring at it, still not knowing why he had come. Maybe it was because here his mind was often paralyzed and stayed that way for as long as he stood before Charlie’s grave. It wasn’t relief, but numbness, and it was as good as Jack was going to get.

It was almost like being in the Zone.

^ ^ ^

During the Colonel’s absence from the SGC, Sam tried to pretend that everything was normal, attempting to treat everyone as she always did, but she failed daily. When she missed Jack badly enough, she called him but he never answered the phone. She would follow up by going to his house but he never answered the door. One time, she went around to the back where she could see in through the patio door. That time she saw him lying motionless on his couch, beer bottles and cans gathered on the coffee table. She’d shouted until she was embarrassed that the neighbors might call the police, but he had never moved. After that, she stayed away. Her chess games with Cassie became half-hearted and she never won any more. Whenever Cassie would ask about Jack, Sam found herself fighting back tears she didn’t want to show. She could fix anything but she couldn’t fix what was wrong with him.

-----

Daniel was depressed nearly all the time. He did his work but without any enthusiasm. He kept reassuring Sam and Teal’c that he was still comfortable with his decision to descend, that it had been the right one, but he sure didn’t like the unexpected way it had turned out. He was in his new apartment now and had spent his downtime getting it to his liking. He went over to Jack’s several times. The first time he sat in his car in front of Jack’s house, staring at it. The curtains remained closed, so he could tell Jack never knew he’d come. The second time, he’d made it to the door, but chickened out and left before he’d let Jack know he’d come. The third time he rang the doorbell several times. When Jack never came to the door, he finally left thinking he was being shunned, only to see Jack in his rearview mirror as he pulled away. Jack was walking up the block carrying two twelve-packs of cheap beer. Daniel didn’t bother stopping back after that.

-----

Teal’c spent too much time in kel’no’reem, but it was the best way he knew to kill time since Colonel O’Neill wasn’t around to spar with, either physically or verbally. Teal’c missed that. Especially the verbal sparring. Teal’c relished practicing how much he could convey by responding to O’Neill without any words. He borrowed cars from the base whenever he decided to visit O’Neill. He was the only one to get any response from Jack and it had only happened once. That time he showed up and banged his fist on the front door, using his best commanding voice as loudly as he could without actually shouting, “O’Neill, it is I. You must acknowledge me. I will not depart until you do.” And he hadn’t. He sat in front of the door and put himself in a state of kel’no’reem until dawn when the newspaper struck him. When O’Neill opened the front door the next morning, he found Teal’c reading it.

“Anything interesting going on?” O’Neill asked pointing at the paper.

“O’Neill, I came to see you.”

“I was hoping maybe you were just here to borrow the newspaper. Now you’ve seen me. Go home. You can keep the paper.”

“I would prefer to come inside.”

“Sorry, Teal’c, but…no.” O’Neill stepped back inside and shut the door before Teal’c could decide whether to force his way in. He sat back down on the front steps. After he finished the paper, he stayed there the rest of the day until he had to return the car to the SGC. O’Neill never opened the door.

-----

While Jack was a hermit at home, Jonas tried to stay in the background at the SGC, attempting to be helpful whenever he could. Mostly he tried to stay out of the way. He knew all this stuff between the Colonel and Daniel Jackson was from before his time and he was out of the loop. He felt it would be intrusive to try to talk to any of them about it, so he kept his silence and stayed out of the way.

-----

Finally, after a couple weeks of this, General Hammond couldn’t take it anymore. Instead of healing and bonding, the members of SG-1 were becoming more disenfranchised and depressed. It was time to precipitate something. He called a meeting with the O’Neill-less team.

“People, I am at a loss about how to fix your problem. The time has come to fish or cut bait, so-to-speak. If something doesn’t happen to straighten all this out in the next few days, I’m going to reassign you all.”

“How is Colonel O’Neill, Sir?” Carter asked. “I haven’t been able to talk to him at all.”

“Not good, Major. I won’t be divulging any confidence to say I’ve been in frequent communication with Doctor Fraiser, and although he has opened up to her to a certain degree in counseling, he isn’t allowing himself to get to the real issues. He keeps the conversation safe for him, giving her just enough so she can make a positive report, hoping she will get more next time. He will never get to the crux of the matter that way.”

“Can we not do something to hasten this process of getting him to confront his issues?” Teal’c asked.

“As a matter of fact, I think you can. He has been isolating himself for almost two weeks now. I keep my eye on him when he’s on base and I know he avoids you like the plague, but I’m sure he misses you. Nothing else Doctor Fraiser or I have come up with is working so you have my permission to confront him, no holds barred. I’ll leave the strategy up to you. All I ask is that none of you winds up dead. Other than that, use any means at your disposal to get through to him. Push him to the edge if you have to.”

Jonas was the only one who didn’t know General Hammond well enough to know the undercurrent of desperation the rest of them caught in his words. This was make-or-break for Colonel O’Neill and as a result, for their team. If he didn’t come around, SG-1 would be a different team. They had gotten a taste of that new configuration when O’Neill had been confined to base over those two weeks around Thanksgiving and although they had been functional, the spark, the spirit, wasn’t the same. You could count on one hand the people in the universe who cared about Jack O’Neill as much as his team members did, and they were all part of the SGC in one way or another. The members of SG-1 went to Daniel and Jonas’s office to strategize. “No holds barred,” General Hammond had said and they wanted him back badly.

And as badly as Jack himself wanted to come back. Only he didn’t realize it yet.

“Push him to the edge if you have to,” Hammond had concluded.

So they did.

Chapter Thirteen

Jack’s doorbell rang. He thought about not answering it, since he hadn’t had any beer to fortify him yet that morning. He had recently had a peephole installed in his front door so he could see who was there yet keep his blinds shut tightly over the windows. Now, when he peeked through the peephole he saw his team standing there. The whole team. The more-than-adequately-staffed team. All four were there standing on his stoop. Teal’c put his eye up to the peephole to look in. Jack jumped when he saw the big brown eye staring back at him. Then he heard through the door—

“Is it customary to see one’s eye reflected back upon itself when looking through this device from the wrong end in such a manner as I am doing?”

“No, Teal’c, you should be seeing a tiny version of the view on the other side of the door, I think,” Daniel said.

“Then I believe it is O’Neill’s eye looking back at me,” Teal’c concluded.

“O’Neill,” he called, in a voice loud enough to hear through the door, although O’Neill had heard the whole exchange.

Crap, they’re on to me.

He decided to escape through the back yard, but when he turned around, Jonas Quinn was standing there smiling at him from the other side of his patio door. He reluctantly went back and opened the front door. With all of them there, he knew it wasn’t for pizza and a movie. Whatever was going to happen, it wasn’t going to be pleasant.

“SG-1 Plus,” he said, “What are you all doing here? Come for pizza and a movie?” One can always hope…

Jonas had come back around to the front door and stood there looking uncomfortable. Still the new guy and wanting to please Jack, yet standing there as if he were embarrassed to be here. This couldn’t be good or Jonas wouldn’t have that “please-don’t-kill-me” look on his face.

Carter spoke first. “Merry Christmas, Sir,” she said with an uncertain smile.

“Is today Christmas? Guess I haven’t felt much in the spirit this year,” Jack said.

Teal’c spoke. “O’Neill, we have come in hopes of salvaging SG-1.” Straight and to the point, that’s Teal’c, Jack thought.

“Looks pretty much salvaged to me,” Jack said. “In fact, it looks more than complete right now.”

Sam broke in, “Colonel, you know we haven’t been functioning well as a team since . . .”  

Daniel’s return… Even though it remained unsaid, it was obvious how the sentence ended. Jack knew that Carter didn’t want Daniel to feel responsible for the disjointed team, as she knew he would, so she hadn’t completed her thought.

Instead she said, “…Well . . . for quite some time now, and lately we haven’t been a team at all, because you haven’t been . . . around …” She trailed off, looking like there was more she wanted to say.

“And?”

“Well…we came to see if you would talk to Daniel, Sir. It…seems the tension that’s grown between the two of you is the crux of the matter and we, umm…that is, we, including General Hammond, thought maybe it was time to settle things—”

“Ah.”

“O’Neill. You have been treating Daniel Jackson in an inappropriate manner. It must cease at this point. I, for one, do not wish to be part of an ineffective, non-cohesive team any longer. If SG-1 is disbanded I shall resign from the SGC and attempt to restart the Free Jaffa Movement.”

“Can’t have you being a one-man army, Teal’c, so by all means, come in,” he said, giving a sarcastic exaggerated wave of his arm, as he opened the door wide enough to let everyone enter, but they remained standing on his stoop.

“Actually, Sir, we thought it might be better if just Daniel came in to speak with you since you seem to have the biggest problem with him.”

“Then why did the rest of you come?”

“We thought maybe you would refuse if it were just him so we came to um…kind of …lend support…”

“You mean strong-arm me,” Jack’s eyes flashed anger at Sam as she spoke. She didn’t back off.

“Not really, Sir,” she said.

“Then what, Carter? An intervention then? Like an alcoholic but instead of me craving too much Jack Daniels, I’m not craving enough Daniel Jackson, is that it?”

Despite his angry voice, Sam and Daniel started laughing. Teal’c and Jonas just looked puzzled.

Made ya laugh! He was pleased, in a paradoxical way, that he’d made them laugh but there was nothing to indicate this in his flat expression.

Now go away! That he did let show on his face.

He looked at Daniel remembering the little skip in his heart when he’d found Daniel waiting in his office almost two months ago now. He recalled the ease with which they’d fallen back into their familiar pattern of bantering, which had felt no different from the days before Daniel had left them and Jack could tell they had both relished the moment. Part of the reason for his daily beer, he knew, was to forget the comfort of that camaraderie so he wouldn’t miss it.

It hadn’t worked.

After that brief taste reminding him of happier times, he had wanted to return to the old easy give-and-take and it was obvious that Daniel had, too. But the price to pay was too high when the currency was his vulnerability.

Vulnerability jumped up and bit you with its anguish when you let yourself miss the old days of companionship and contentment. Days when you were a husband and father. Days when you snuggled your son as you put him to bed then snuggled your wife when you put yourself to bed… Don’t go there, Jack. It’s Christmas. That alone will make the memories blow up in your face. He would never have the easy father/son thing with Charlie again. Charlie didn’t get a do-over like Daniel did. And anguish could lead to self-pity, which he would never allow himself to wallow in again.

Except, wasn’t that what he was doing now, just numbing it with beer?

But Daniel did get the do-over and Jack was preventing the fulfillment of both of their desires to re-establish what once had been–their strong bond and deep friendship. He still missed Daniel and it still hurt—

Jack, you’re a fool… 10.0pt'>he thought as he realized that his desire to connect with Daniel was overcoming his fear of vulnerability. Don’t cave in! Make him go away before he comes through that door!   It’s waaay too risky… He’ll just leave again and you’ll lose him anyway. Everyone who matters leaves. No matter how much you want them to stay; they all leave. It’s better to choose for yourself how and when they leave. Otherwise, it’s one more knife wound in the ol’ heart, and I don’t know how much more scar tissue it can handle anymore.

Better, so much better, for it to be on your own terms.

But this time his mind lost the fight with his heart.

“All right,” he sighed, deflating. “Come on in, Daniel. I suppose that makes you my Christmas present.” Jack rubbed the back of his neck tiredly as he watched Daniel cautiously enter. The others stayed outside. Jack noticed Daniel’s cuts looked nearly healed and there was no trace of the bump on his head.

“So what are the rest of you going to do? Stand guard in case we come to blows? Well, don’t worry; I promise not to kill him. God knows, he’s died enough already, and I don’t think he’s got it in him to kill me, so you can all relax.”

The other three looked at Jack and then at Daniel. Reluctantly, they turned to go back to Sam’s car, not knowing quite what to do. They hadn’t thought their plans through beyond getting Daniel into Jack’s house.

Jack watched them for a minute before he shut the door. They all looked worried, even Teal’c. God, have I really changed so much that they think I would actually hurt Daniel? I’ve scared my team more than the Goa’uld have. Don’t they know that he’s my—was my—best fr—

Oh, fer cryin’ out loud, STOP already, before you become a sniveling idiot.

Daniel stood in Jack’s foyer with his arms crossed looking at Jack. Jack turned away from the door, but leaned back against it, putting his hands in his pockets. He glanced at Daniel then looked down, not making eye contact. But in his mind, he turned to sarcastic dialogue to try to rescue himself from this incipient sentimentality. Sarcasm always worked.

Gee, Daniel, great to see ya. Glad you could make it…

Yeah, Merry Christmas Jack! It hasn’t been the same without you…

Backatcha, Danny. Get many presents?

Oh, you know, the usual…socks, underwear, BDUs…How about you?

Sure…lots…See them all piled under the Christmas tree? Had a big day this year. Come on in and join the fun, Daniel…

Thanks, Jack. Missed you since you’ve been gone…

Yeah, well, you were gone longer, so I’ve missed you more. You know it’s been awful for me, don’tcha?

Backatcha, Jack. 10.0pt'>

Reality stepped in as Jack realized the silence had grown awkward and his sensitive inner core was peeking out through his thoughts and he didn’t like that at all.

“So…” Jack started.

“So…” Daniel finished.

“You look like you’ve healed up pretty well,” Jack said pointing to the right side of Daniel’s head.

“Oh…yeah, they took the stitches out last week. Everything else was no big deal. I’m fine…”

“Good…that’s good. Uh, sorry, by the way….” Jack’s eyes left Daniel’s, searching for anything else to focus on while he apologized. “You know…for the accident?” Then Jack tentatively brought his eyes back to Daniel.

“Sure,” Daniel said then gave Jack a rueful smile. “Kind of ironic, you know, to get injured doing something so normal.”

Yeah, and ironic that I caused it too, Jack thought, adding one more piece of guilt to the pile.

“So, I guess we need to talk about some things…” Daniel ventured.

“You want a beer?” Jack asked, vaguely pointing toward the kitchen. He instantly regretted the question as another memory surfaced. Daniel had asked Jack for a beer as they stood in this foyer a few years ago. Jack didn’t want Daniel there then, just as he didn’t now (but don’t go, Danny…).

To get Daniel to leave him alone, Jack had told him they had never been friends—had never truly understood each other at all. He still had unresolved feelings of guilt over the hurt he’d seen in Daniel’s eyes at that lie, but to protect Daniel he had had to make it convincing. And the one thing Jack did best was to give no indication to anyone else about how he really felt about something—or someone. It had hurt to lie to Daniel. It had hurt far more when he had believed him.

And now I’m going to do it to you again… because he didn’t dare let Daniel into his heart.

“You know I don’t like your beer,” Daniel said as he took off his coat. He tossed it on the floor when Jack made no move to take it. Instead, Jack pulled away from leaning on the door to start for the kitchen.

“Yeah, well…I guess I figured under the circumstances…Anyway, I think I’ll get me a beer,” he said.

“Please don’t, Jack. I think it would be better for you to be sober for this.”

“I won’t get drunk on one beer, Daniel.”

“Even so, just—please, Jack.”

“Oh, for cryin’ out loud!” But he didn’t get the beer. He leaned back against the door again. “Some Christmas present you turned out to be.”

“So, we should probably get started…you know, talking about stuff…”

“Yeah, I guess so…Sounds like I don’t really have a choice.”

“Not really. You want to start?”

“Not really. You?”

“Umm….not really. You seem to be the one with the problem, so…maybe you ought to go first.”

“ I’m the one with the problem? Hmm…I think I’m doing just fine, actually.”

“No one else seems to think so. Feedback I hear is that you’re pretty near the edge.”

Jack looked at Daniel defiantly. “That so?”

“Yes. The prevailing thought is that my return precipitated a lot of this. Frankly, I thought you’d be glad I was back.”

“Daniel, I am glad you’re back. I’m just damned tired of your leaving all the time. Especially, when it’s because you die all the time! See? I shouldn’t be able to talk to a dead person. A problem I’m having a little trouble wrapping my head around.”

“Maybe because I’m not dead?”

“My point exactly. You should be—about five times over by now. Or more.”

“Come on, Jack! That’s not fair. It’s not like I could help it.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Daniel. It’s funny how you always seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. No one else keeps on dying the way you do.”

“Besides, it hasn’t been that many times…”

“How do I watch thee die? Let me count the ways…” Jack parodied, standing up straight from where he’d been leaning against the door and taking a step into the foyer.

“Jack—”

“Let’s see, staff blast by Ra would definitely be number one. That one didn’t bother me too much because I didn’t even like you back then.”

“You didn’t?”

“I thought I was pretty transparent on that one, Daniel.”

“I just thought it was your death-wish thinking.”

Touché .

The two men faced each other like two boys on the playground, sizing each other up. One the bully, judging where the other’s weaknesses might be—where the runt might be vulnerable. The other, used to being bullied and tired of it, wondering if now might be the time he could finally defend himself by launching a counter-attack.

“Okay, you’re getting me off the subject. Number two would probably have to be your buddy Nem planting lovely visions of you burning to death in our heads.” That one was hard because you were suffering, calling my name and I was unable to help you. God… The memory of it reappeared, just as painfully and frustratingly as when he had thought it had been real.

“You can’t count that one, Jack. It wasn’t real. I didn’t die.”

“It was sure real to us. Had a funeral and everything. Cleaned out your apartment. What a fun day that was!”

“I’m sorry you had to suffer like that. It must have been awful, but I still don’t think it counts.”

“Number three,” Jack stressed, holding up three fingers as his answer to Daniel’s comment, “that would probably have to be the staff blast by Apophis on his ship. Another revival by sarcophagus, just like with Ra.

“Oh, and speaking of sarcophaguses—sarcophagi?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. “Let’s not forget dying in the mine only to be revived in one yet again, I might add, by Shyla. Gee, am I seeing sort of a sarcophagus theme emerging here, Daniel?”

“Now you’re hitting below the belt, Jack. I couldn’t help getting hurt there, and yes, I got addicted to the sarcophagus but I overcame it, as you very well know.”

“Don’t distract me,” Jack said, his voice now tense with mounting anger. He’d only intended the sarcasm to show, but like Pandora’s box once the lid was removed, he couldn’t stuff his anger back in. “So we’re up to number five now, right? Gee, I guess I’m losing track….”

“Come on, Jack. Be fair.”

“I am being fair, Daniel!” Jack spat. These are facts and they can be verified any number of ways. Sam, Teal’c, oh let’s see who else? Janet, perhaps? Oh, and let’s not forget General Hammond. Just how many times do I have to watch you get killed, Daniel? And every time you died—” Jack broke off as a new thought came.

“See, that’s where I have a problem, Daniel. You’re only supposed to die once, but you keep coming back and dying over and over. In my whole life, I’ve always lived under the assumption that human beings only die once, and then you stay dead. Except maybe for Jesus. There’s some conjecture that he didn’t stay dead. But, come to think of it, even he only died once!”

Daniel’s expression suddenly changed into the familiar one Jack recognized when the lightbulb switched on over Daniel’s head. He had made an intuitive leap, but Jack didn’t know what he’d said to precipitate it. And he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. God…

Jack unknowingly gave Daniel an inquisitive look and Daniel jumped right in to answer the unasked question.

“Jesus, Jack! That’s the answer!”

“Huh?” Daniel’s comment was so cryptic, the question popped out of Jack’s mouth before he could stop it.

The whole Christian faith rests on the resurrection of Jesus—that he had a second chance at life after being dead. I wasn’t exactly dead, but for all intents and purposes, I’m getting a second chance at a corporeal life, too. But…”

Don’t say it, Daniel! I know what you’re thinking about. Just—don’t.  

Daniel raised his eyes to look directly into Jack’s.

You’re going to say it anyway, aren’t you? God, Daniel—

“But with Char—”

Ah! Don’t wanna hear this! I’m putting my hands over my ears…

“—lie, you nev—”

Jack interrupted Daniel, hoping to distract him from completing his thought. “Yeah, and as I so obviously pointed out, this isn’t the first time you’ve been recycled, either. I guess I got enough practice with you dying that I kind of learned to cope with it. Until this last time.” Jack’s voice had started to rise again as the emotional impact of what he was saying affected him. “You were gone a long time this last time, Daniel, and I—” He suddenly stopped as he realized that he was revealing way too much.

Daniel looked stricken. “Jack—”

Jack quickly changed his focus away from the blunder of almost showing his inner feelings to Daniel. “The rest of the team needed closure, but we weren’t allowed to have a proper funeral for you, because you didn’t really die like a polite person would have. Oh, no. You had to ascend.” Jack said the last word in a ghost-story voice as he made sarcastic quotation marks with his fingers.

“Jack, let me finish!”

Jack waved his hands to stop Daniel from going on and continued his own diatribe. “I moved on, Daniel, because you were gone for such a long time. I realized that finally you weren’t gonna come back. Then you show up in the most unexpected way, supposedly to help me cope with that whole thing with Ba’al. And after that was all over, I assumed I had been hallucinating so it didn’t really bother me to have you leave again since you hadn’t really been there in the first place.”

“But I was there, Jack.” Daniel’s voice cracked. His eyes welled. It didn’t stop Jack who was taking a perverse pleasure in seeing how far he could push Daniel into his world of hurt.

“Jack, I’m sorry it’s always me that comes back and not your son, but I don’t have any control over that. I know you suffered a lot more than I did because, well, being ‘dead’, I wasn’t really missing anyone, and when I was ascended, the universe kept me pretty well distracted.”

Jack noticed that Daniel was recovering his emotional equilibrium nicely. It frustrated him no end that Daniel could do this now while he couldn’t. In the past, it had always been the other way around.

“But I’m back in flesh and blood,” Daniel continued evenly, “And you need to know how it’s been for me, Jack. I come back to see that people have gone on without me. I come back to find my office rearranged, my computer passwords changed, my journals—my private journals—have all been read, and my stuff is in storage, except for the things you and Sam have divvied up between you. How do you think it’s been for me? Easy as pie, piece of cake? I don’t think so. You aren’t the only one with a monopoly on stress, Jack! My life’s been pretty sucky at times but—”

“Like I care? Suck it up Daniel. There are worse things in life than coming back and re-entering it.”

“You’re such an ass, Jack. I’m so tired of dealing with your shit! I’ve been trying to make the best of things, only now you’ve made it harder by your attitude. I’m tired of you ignoring or dismissing me and treating me with contempt. I’m sorry I’m not Charlie but I’m NOT sorry I’m Daniel and I’m NOT sorry to be back, despite the negatives. I miss your friendship, Jack and wish you could get past this.” Daniel had been shouting but now he quieted down as he moved from anger into sad frustration. “Can’t you just treat me like a fellow human being if we can’t be friends?”

“I’m not going to ‘get past it’ Daniel! It’s a little too late for that! I resent like hell your ascending—God, I hate that term! And I resent that it’s you who’s come back and not Charlie. What I wouldn’t give to get him back, but no, it’s always you. The best I got for my son was a temporary crystal version. And believe me, that's a piss poor substitute if you ask me.” Jack’s voice cracked again. This was dangerous territory. A pesky lump grew in his throat.

“You don’t really mean that, Jack! I know you care about me—at least you used to.”

“Maybe my only problem was that I cared too much. If I don’t care about you, it won’t hurt so much next time you die. And I’m presuming there will be a next time in the near future—at least that much is pretty predictable about you.” Aaah, sarcasm. The best antidote to a lump in the throat.

“Jack you’re not being fair.”

“I don’t CARE if I’m not being fair. You wanted to know why I’ve been acting toward you the way I have and I’m telling you!” Rarely had Jack felt this much rage. He remembered that the last time was when that dolt Brother Malchus had killed two of his men in the rocket explosion. He had felt like killing Malchus then…

“So, basically, you don’t want to take the risk that you’ll get hurt again.”

“Bingo!” Jack inwardly cringed as he realized that in his barely controlled anger, he had just admitted to the very thing Teal’c had been telling him all along but Jack had refused to believe. “Because of the loss of your son and the previous loss of Daniel Jackson, you are trying to protect him from further danger and in so doing you are protecting yourself from further pain.”

“Then why the hell do you stay in the Stargate Program?” Daniel continued, “The whole thing is based on high risk. If you’re going to take the risk with yourself, Jonas, and Teal’c, then you have to take the risk with me. And what about Sam? Why do you still let her go when you have the feelings you have for her?”

Jack’s blazing eyes bored into Daniel’s.

“You are not going there, Daniel! I mean it—that knowledge does not leave the base, and you know it! And besides, Carter can take care of herself. She’s not always dying like you are.” Ha! Got you on that one!

“I can think of at least three times where she was dying….”

Crap. He always has some retort. The man is just too damn quick.

“And what about you, Jack? You’ve died aplenty, too. How about when you were shot with a staff weapon on the Nox world? In fact, we all died that time.   And you would have died if Kanan hadn’t taken you for a host. And what about Ba’al killing you at least, what, four times or so? Your deaths lately have been coming a whole lot more frequently than mine ever did….I’d say we’re pretty much tied in the death tally.”

“Shut up, Daniel.” Oh, that was real mature, Jack!

“Make me,” Daniel goaded.

“Don’t be so juvenile.”

“You should talk!”

“Daniel!” Jack didn’t like the way his voice sounded strangled as he choked out the name. The lump in his throat was gone but had been replaced with a general tightness that made it hard to speak. If he lost this last vestige of his control, he knew he would erupt in a volcano of violent, uncontrolled rage.

And Daniel gave him the appropriate answer.

“Jaaaccckkk…”

Jack suddenly hated his name when he heard it from Daniel in that familiar inflection. Then he hated himself as he realized, with a flash of Daniel-like insight, just how close to the edge he was. And had been for a lot longer than this morning. All the reclusiveness, all the drunkenness, all the resentment, and now the hatred, weren’t they the symptoms of an emotional wreck? All he had left in his arsenal of coping skills were the unhealthiest mechanisms and he was barely hanging on by a thread.

And the thread was frayed.

And now he knew it. This was the way it had been after Charlie’s death. Reclusive, drinking too much, resenting Sara’s ability to grieve and deal with it. Hatred. But instead of hating Sara or God forbid, Charlie, he had turned that hatred on himself.

Calmdowncalmdown calm down…calm…down.

“Get out of here. Just leave,” Jack said, condescendingly dismissing him with a wave of his hand toward the door, which was still behind him since they hadn’t moved from the foyer.

“No, come on,” Daniel said, beckoning him with his hands. “You’re mad at me. Let’s have it out. I can handle anything you can dish out.”

“Daniel, I’m not going to fight you. It’s not worth it.” I’m trying to calm down here, Daniel…

“Afraid you’ll lose?”

Where did this come from? You’re goading me over nothing . Are you trying to pick a fight just for the sake of picking a fight? Suddenly Jack was overwhelmed with fatigue from the boiling stew of his emotions, but Daniel didn’t look like he was going to back down. Agghhh, Daniel, I don’t have the energy for this…

“All right you asked for it,” Jack warned. He knew he could instantly immobilize Daniel if he resorted to his Special Ops training. It would be an easy answer for a worn out Jack O’Neill but it was too risky for Daniel and there was no way Jack was going to harm him. In the end he decided to fight Daniel like he would a brother by rushing him in a football tackle. He threw his shoulder into Daniel’s midsection, and pushed him back. Fortunately, the foyer didn’t have much furniture because Daniel fell backward underneath Jack who then tried to pin him. Daniel threw him off, then flipped over to pin Jack. He sat on him and held Jack’s wrists out, pressed down on the floor. Jack hadn’t realized just how heavy Daniel was. He couldn’t buck him off. He couldn’t move his own wrists no matter the effort. Daniel was squeezing Jack’s wrists so hard his hands were tingling.

Jack continued to struggle, but was rapidly losing energy. Even his Special Ops training wouldn’t get him out of Daniel’s hold now. Jack was surprised at Daniel’s strength. He’d always looked so wussy with his glasses and his mild-mannered ways. He’d never thought about it before, but although Jack was taller, he realized now that Daniel outweighed him and it wasn’t due to fat. Jack felt humiliated by this, an archeologist/anthropologist/linguist scholar immobilizing the career warrior who prided himself in staying in top shape despite his age. Although, you’re certainly not in top shape now after being a recluse in your house living on a beer diet for the past few weeks, are ya, Jack? In addition, maybe his age was finally catching up with him, or maybe it was just exhaustion from all the draining emotional confusion.

“Had enough?” Daniel asked. The “fight” had ended in twenty seconds.

Jack stopped struggling and just lay there defeated by his ex-best friend. “Okay, get off me,” he finally said, sounding a lot less angry than before.

Daniel let him go but Jack continued to lie there. The physical release of the brief battle hadn’t given him any emotional relief, but he wasn’t capable of sustaining the intensity of his feelings anymore without something giving way. The last of his ability to cope was depleted, leaving not the dreaded self-pity he vowed he would never let himself feel again, but something worse. He’d only felt it once before, when he’d held his weapon in his hand as he sat on Charlie’s bed trying to find the energy to fire it one last time.

It was despair.

Daniel extended his hand to pull Jack up. Jack hesitated, looking at the outstretched hand as if unsure what it was or why it was reaching out to him when he so totally didn’t deserve it, but slowly he reached up and took it. Daniel pulled him up to stand, but didn’t let go.

In a continuous motion, he pulled Jack into a hug.

Jack’s initial impulse was to push away, but he didn’t have the energy. He stood there woodenly, with his hands at his sides and his head erect, staring straight ahead, Daniel’s arms around him. He was not responding physically, but his mind was active, thinking, I’m still madder than hell at you, Daniel, so don’t let this passivity fool you.

Daniel pulled his arms more tightly around Jack.

Oh, Daniel, please don’t do this…

“I’m so sorry Jack.”

Ack! Don’t say that! I don’t want you to apologize! It’s so much safer being mad and resenting you!

“Will you forgive me?” Daniel’s words came out meek and sincere. It appeared he truly felt bad Jack had suffered so much. Once again, Jack had made Daniel, who’d suffered so much pain of his own, feel guilty he’d caused Jack pain. Jack knew Daniel wasn’t just hugging him as an act of forgiveness but also because Daniel needed this contact, yet Jack wasn’t responding. Jack felt like—

Shit.

That pesky lump in his throat was back. He was going to lose it if he didn’t gain some control over his walls right now!

Come on, O’Neill; get your act together, fer cryin’ out loud.

Shit.

The lump was choking him.

Aaah…crap.

He felt an unfamiliar, prickling sensation in his eyes. He didn’t connect with it at first, but then…

Oh no—

Jack broke away from Daniel. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking down as he did and said, “I gotta pee.” Then he turned without making eye contact and hastened to the bathroom down the hall.

Chapter Fourteen

Daniel stood there not knowing what to think. He was uncomfortable in Jack’s house now that Jack had abandoned him. They had finally had this big confrontation and still had unfinished business, but now Jack had interrupted the whole process. Daniel didn’t know what to do. Should he leave? Stay? What should he say when Jack came back? Was he too hard on Jack? His overcoming Jack in the fight had shocked him and he wondered if Jack had let him win on purpose. How could he fix this? He wondered if he’d been premature in asking Jack to forgive him. In a way, Jack should be asking for his forgiveness…

Don’t go there Daniel, it’ll just make you angry at the unfairness. Suck it up and humble yourself. You can’t forgive him until he can forgive you. It’s the first step of Jack forgiving himself, and that’s the real crux of this, isn’t it?

But Jack hadn’t forgiven him, just left for the bathroom. What a cop out.

Daniel heard the toilet flush then he heard the faucet run. He wondered if he should ask Jack again to forgive him or let it go. He wasn’t sure which way would get Jack back. Maybe neither one. Maybe it was already too late. Maybe he’d already burned all his bridges with Jack. He hoped not. Maybe life from now on would always be bittersweet. Or maybe it would just be bitter. Jack’s attitude had squashed all the joy he’d initially felt in descending.

Daniel hadn’t been so naïve as to think life would instantly go back to the way it had been before he’d left. He knew that he and the others would need some time to adjust. But he had never expected the extent to which Jack, the ultra-cool, ultra-in-control leader of SG-1 would decompensate as a result of his return. And now, coming here at General Hammond’s request to patch things up, he had made Jack go further down into his abyss of detachment.

  I’m a failure.

The others were going to be so disappointed in him. This was more frustrating than the futility of trying to talk Jack into ascending when he was in Ba’al’s clutches.

I’ve only made things worse . This was such a mistake!

He had thought their friendship had a steel cable running through its core but now he wondered if Jack had indeed been telling the truth back that few years ago when he had told Daniel they’d never been friends.

The water was still running in the bathroom. Jack could have taken a bath in the length of time he’d had the water running. Running water symbolizing Jack running from me, he thought. Daniel decided to leave, since he had so obviously done nothing fruitful here, but when he started moving, he found himself walking quietly over to the bathroom door. He put his ear against it to listen but couldn’t hear anything over the running water.

“Jack?” He asked tentatively.

No answer.

He stood there plagued by indecision. Should he leave the house after all? Should he chance going into the bathroom? Was Jack okay? Should he let the man have his privacy? After all, where did you want to have more privacy than your own bathroom? But maybe something was wrong. Maybe Jack was ill, or maybe he’d done something to himself in there….

Daniel put his hand on the knob, afraid to invade Jack’s privacy and incur more of his wrath. But he was more afraid of what Jack might be doing to himself, or already might have done.

He tentatively turned the knob with a shaky hand, breathing rapidly in fear as he cautiously swung open the door to see the sink with the water on, still flowing generously into the basin. He looked around the door to see Jack sitting against the wall opposite the sink. He sat there with his legs bent up against his chest with his arms around them and his head buried into his knees. But he wasn’t motionless.

His shoulders were shaking.

Oh my God, Daniel thought. What do I do now?

Daniel was nervous. Jack looked unhurt but apparently was unaware that Daniel had opened the door. Daniel still had a hand on the knob. He thought about silently backing out and shutting the door again, but couldn’t move.

Daniel was envious of Jack’s instincts in situations like this. He had instinctively known what Daniel needed when Jack had found him in a similar condition, but then Daniel knew people could read him like a book. With Jack, so closed, you never knew if your response would be the right thing or cause him to blow up at you. Daniel didn’t dare take the first step.

Finally, he compromised. He decided just to sit next to Jack and let Jack make the next move. Daniel steeled himself for whatever Jack might do as he took a step into the small room, pausing to turn off the water then sat down next to Jack. He mimicked Jack’s position except he leaned his head back against the wall. His shoulder pressed against Jack’s. Daniel felt Jack tense but otherwise he didn’t move. Jack’s shoulders continued to shake with his voiceless sobs. Daniel could hear Jack’s hitching breaths and an occasional sniffle now that the water was off but he was making no other noise.

Daniel sat there for a couple minutes, tenser than Jack, but Jack didn’t do anything else. Daniel was surprised Jack allowed him to stay there when he knew Jack never let anyone see him this vulnerable. In empathy for Jack’s obvious pain, Daniel took a chance and put his arm around Jack’s shoulders.

Daniel didn’t know what to expect from Jack, but what happened next surprised him anyway. Jack no longer had the resources to suffer alone. A small sound escaped Jack’s lips, followed by more silent shuddering as the last vestige of resistance left him. Jack turned toward Daniel and laid his head on Daniel’s chest, reaching his arms around Daniel’s waist to clutch him, needing Daniel’s comfort. Daniel’s eyes widened in shock. Jack could no longer wage the futile fight for control of his tears so he began to sob openly as a shocked Daniel straightened out his legs and tightened his hold around Jack.

Jack only spoke once during this time, but the raw grief in Jack’s words made Daniel weep.

“I             

Killed      

Char—lie!”

Jack choked out the words in between sobbing breaths.

Finally! He’s finally crying over Charlie. Daniel thought with a mental sigh. At that moment, Daniel forgave Jack. It was well worth the sacrifice of the friendship and all the abuse Daniel had suffered by Jack’s attitude and behavior, if it had led to this release. Daniel bent his cheek down to the top of Jack’s head, wetting Jack’s hair with his own empathetic tears as Jack’s tears wet Daniel’s shirt.

Daniel knew this wasn’t just about Charlie. Jack was undoubtedly also dealing with the recent rape of his will by Kanan, the torture he’d suffered at the hands of Ba’al, and of course, the loss, and return of Daniel himself. Jack’s coping skills being what they were, Daniel knew that Charlie was the one thing Jack could use for release. It was the most familiar of his griefs because he had lived with it the longest. It was the one Jack could understand and now, finally, let go. If he couldn’t yet process the others, at least he could get some release from them through Charlie.

It was Charlie’s final gift to his dad.

They stayed like that for a very long time as Jack cried all the tears he’d bottled up through the years over all the losses he’d suffered. Once he let loose, he couldn’t stop. Daniel realized there was something to be said for wearing your heart on your sleeve because his own fits of crying were always over in a few minutes but Jack cried until he had nothing left. When he finally seemed spent, Daniel relaxed his hold around Jack, but Jack still clung to him, his breath catching in hitches like a little child’s. He couldn’t say more than a few words at a time.

Sor—ry, Da—aniel.”

Daniel was afraid Jack was only sorry for crying on him, which would certainly be typical of Jack’s thinking. So he asked in all innocence, “For what, Jack?”

“Ev—erything.”

“What do you mean?” Come on, Jack, spill it. Tell me if it’s for something real…

“For—for trea—heating you like shi—hih-hih— Crap,” he said finally.

Daniel smiled warmly, his chin lying on top of Jack’s head now. “It’s okay, Jack.” He lightly rubbed his chin against Jack’s hair to comfort him.

“What—if something—hap—hhappenstoyouagain?” As Jack uncharacteristically blurted the crux of his fear to Daniel, he surprised both of them by breaking into fresh tears.

Daniel found his own eyes pricked by tears anew at the raw vulnerability in Jack’s statement. This was a Jack no one had ever seen. Daniel wondered if even Jack’s ex-wife Sara had ever seen him this emotionally naked.

Daniel shifted to better put both arms back around Jack in a tight hug, rocking him as Jack had done for him that time in the storeroom. He rubbed Jack’s back. He didn’t know what to say to Jack’s statement. He couldn’t promise not to die! He couldn’t even promise not to leave, even though he didn’t intend to.

Daniel sniffled. Then with tears ready to spill, he said, “Jack, all I can promise you is to remember this when I am in a risky situation and try to do my best to honor your need. I can’t keep myself from dying but I can at least try to reduce the odds of it happening. Will that do?”

Jack nodded in Daniel’s shoulder, still taking sobbing breaths, but he’d stopped crying.

“So will you forgive me?” Daniel asked.

Jack nodded again into Daniel’s shoulder.

“Will you forgive yourself?” Daniel tensed.

Jack didn’t react. No motion, no words.

“Jack?” Daniel ventured again. “…Don’t you think it’s about time you forgave yourself for what happened to Charlie?”

Jack still didn’t say anything. Daniel suspected Jack was crying again since Daniel could feel renewed warm wetness on his shirt and he could hear Jack sniffling, but this time there were no wracking sobs to accompany the tears.

Finally, in a voice muffled by Daniel’s shoulder, Jack hoarsely whispered, “Maybe…”

It was a start anyway, Daniel thought. After today, with all these walls down, maybe not all of them would go back up. Maybe Jack would find a little more peace with himself, now that he could relax a bit. Daniel loosened his tight hold on Jack.

Eventually, Jack’s breathing normalized and he broke away from Daniel to sit back against the wall. “God,” he said, rubbing his eyes, which Daniel knew would be feeling sandpapery and hot. He looked exhausted.

Daniel sat back next to him. They both stared straight ahead. Every once in a while, Jack sniffled, sometimes wiping his nose on his sleeve.

Now that it was over, the atmosphere became awkward between them. Two guys trying to acknowledge recently shared intimacy was not a comfortable thing. They continued to sit there not speaking, the silence growing more and more uncomfortable.

“Oh, fer cryin’ out loud, this is kinda nuts.” Jack finally said wearily, wiping his nose on his shirt.

“Yes, you were,” Daniel answered.

“Huh?” Jack stole a glance at Daniel out of the corner of his eye, not making eye contact yet.

The look Daniel gave to Jack left no doubt what he was thinking, You were ‘cryin’ out loud’, but what he said was, “You were kinda nuts.”

Jack turned his head to look at Daniel, a wan smile playing across his face. Daniel’s statement had broken the ice between them and now Daniel turned his head and smiled back. They both had red, puffy eyes, and Jack’s face was a mess, as was Daniel’s shirt.

After another moment of silence, Jack said, “You know, this is the advice Carter gave me.”

“What advice?”

“Back on the planet, after you and Teal’c left, she came to the hut to talk to me about…everything. She told me that if I had a good cry, everything would be better in the morning.”

“Ha! I’ll bet I know how you responded to that! But she was right, you know. And you will feel better in the morning.”

“She’s always right, Daniel. Just don’t tell her, okay?”

“Sure, Jack…”

They were silent again.

After a while Daniel said, “You know, you’re gonna need some Tylenol.”

“Why?”

“Guess you’re not used to big crying jags, huh?” Gee, could I have asked Jack a dumber question? “You’re going to have a good-sized headache pretty soon. And your eyes are going to feel mighty dry for a while. Best thing to do is go lie down and take a nap. It takes a lot out of you to do this for as long as you did.”

Jack didn’t say anything, but pushing off on Daniel’s bent knee, he slowly stood up, groaning as he rose. He took a bottle of Tylenol out of the medicine cabinet in front of him and shook out four, taking two and giving two to Daniel, who held them without comment. Jack washed his down with a long drink at the faucet. Then, after running his face under the water, he turned it off and walked out of the bathroom looking like he had little energy left, just enough to make it to his bedroom to go lie down as Daniel had suggested.

Daniel continued to sit on the bathroom floor, drained. He was still holding the two Tylenol. He wanted to process all that had just happened but didn’t have the energy. His shirt was growing cold where Jack had soaked it with his tears and snot. His butt was getting numb from the tile floor. He just couldn’t make himself get up yet.

Until the doorbell rang.

He sighed then, rising to stand. He took a couple seconds to swallow the Tylenol with a swig at the faucet then went to answer the door before Jack would have to. He suspected it was SG-1 come to get him and he knew Jack would never want them to see him with an “I’ve-been-crying-really-hard” face. Daniel didn’t care because they’d seen him like that plenty of times. Except for Jonas, but he figured that would change soon enough.

Sure enough, when he answered the door, there they were, all with concern showing blatantly on their faces, as they noted his plaid shirt half hanging out, wet on one side, his eyes all red and puffy, and his khaki pants more wrinkled than usual.

“Are you okay, Daniel?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said absently as he rubbed the back of his short hair.

“You do not look fine, Daniel Jackson. You look wet and disheveled. Did you have an altercation with O’Neill?”

“Yeah, we had a water balloon fight,” he said deadpan. Teal’c’s eyebrow shot up.

Sam ignored the comment to ask, “Where’s Colonel O’Neill? Is he okay?”

“He took your advice, Sam. He’s okay. He was tired so he went to bed. I think he was getting a headache.”

 She furrowed her brows, as if puzzled at what advice she might have given him, then asked instead, “Were you able to settle things?”

“I think so. We seem to be at a peaceful accord right now anyway.” Daniel was trying to underplay it as much as possible to preserve what was left of Jack’s dignity and reputation with his team, which, hopefully after the events of today, would immediately improve.

“That is good news, Daniel Jackson. I look forward to our next mission with a cohesive team of my friends,” said Teal’c, almost smiling.

“We came to get you,” said Jonas, sticking to a safe topic. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, just give me a minute to go say goodbye to Jack, okay?”

Jonas nodded and Sam smiled satisfied. If they were to the point they wanted to say goodbye to each other then maybe life would soon be back to normal, if there was any normal for SG-1.

Daniel went into Jack’s room. Jack was lying on his side almost curled in a fetal position but Daniel knew Jack wouldn’t like that description. He looked peacefully asleep.

“Jack?” Daniel asked softly.

“Mmmm?” Jack answered.

“You asleep?”

“Almost…” This was a departure for Jack. Usually a question like that would invite a really sarcastic response to the stupidity Jack thought the question conveyed, but this wasn’t that kind of day.

“I’m going to go now. The guys came to pick me up, okay?”

“Okay,” he said drifting off. “Tell ‘em I said ‘hi’. And I guess ‘g’bye.’”

Daniel smiled. “Okay, Jack.”

Daniel stood there for a minute and watched Jack’s breathing become deep and even with sleep. With his face all puffy, lying there like that, Jack looked young and innocent. Except for the gray hair. Suddenly, Daniel was struck by intense feelings for Jack after all they’d been through that day—and cumulatively over the years. He quietly walked closer until he could reach over to rest a hand briefly on Jack’s back, not intending to wake him.

“Sweet dreams,” he whispered.

“...Backatcha, Danny,” came the sleepy response.

Then Daniel Jackson left Jack O’Neill to rejoin the rest of his family.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Acknowledgements: To my four beta readers:
Karen (from Kent) She took me under her English teacher wing and spent many hours with my fic and basically tutored me in how to be a (much) better writer. She was encouraging when I had no confidence in the story or my ability to write it. What you will read is due to her coaching and buoying me up over several months. I owe her a debt of gratitude I will never be able to repay.
Carol (Dileeca) and Denise (SGCGategirl) my secondary beta readers. Both had many good comments to make and were frank in what they saw as problem areas. I thought the fic was done when I sent it to them but it is all the better for their comments and the subsequent rewrites and additional chapters.
Judy: Gallagater my final beta reader: She also had good comments to make and was very encouraging about the almost-final product. Thanks to her (and a comment Carol made in passing) the whumping in chapter eleven is due to them and is a very late addition. I had to extensively rewrite chapters ten and eleven due to what Judy saw (rightly) as a big problem. Then I thought, what the heck, if I’m doing all this rewriting I might as well take Carol’s suggestion and whump Jack in the process. So if you like the whumping , thank Carol for the idea and Judy for making me rewrite a large chunk of the fic.

This fic was started back in November after I first heard about Daniel’s season seven return. I couldn’t wait so I decided to write my own version, which I thought other people might enjoy too while they wait for him to descend. Little did I know it would take six months to finish. I tried to incorporate the unfolding canon information from the various episodes up until Full Circle. That one blew my whole fic out of the water, so to buy into it, you will have to disregard the events in that episode.

MAY 18, 2003 Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. class=grame>Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. The characters from P4X-449 belong to me.