"Hold still, little cousin. This will only take a moment." Shar'e laughed as the fidgeting girl reluctantly submitted to having her laces tied more securely. The second she was done the child darted back into the square to join the crowd of children jostling over a rag ball. She watched the boisterous scene for a moment before turning back to her friend.
"You will make a wonderful mother," Katrin said as she awkwardly shifted her basket to a more comfortable position. Her robes billowed around her swollen feet, stirring up the dust. Shar'e picked up her own basket and the two women moved along in the shadow of the adobe wall. Shar'e slowed her pace to match the shuffling steps of her friend.
"We will know soon how good a mother you shall be," Shar'e teased, reaching out with her free hand to pat the enormous bulge beneath Katrin's robes. Katrin laughed.
"Not soon enough for me. Nor the child I think. This baby is trying to kick its way free."
"Shortly you will have a baby crying all night for attention and a husband who wishes his meal at the first light of dawn."
"The child does not let me rest now. Ach! It will be a very long time I think before I will sleep a night through again."
The women shared a smile as they made their way through the heat and dust. They called out greetings to friends and family as they walked. The sun beat down as they parted company. Katrin's slow steps took her down one alley to where her home lay. Shar'e's swift and graceful movements brought her quickly through the tangle of streets to her destination.
"I am home my husband," she called out as she entered the humble dwelling they shared. When she received no answer, she put the basket down on a table. Finding each small room empty, she climbed the stairs to the roof top. There was Daniel, sitting cross legged with his back against the wall of the next building. He was too absorbed in his writing to notice his wife's entrance. She sat down near him, making herself comfortable as quietly as possible. She loved to watch him work. It didn't matter what he was doing, writing in his journal, making notes in his beloved map room, or helping her with household chores. Those long fingered hands, pale and soft in comparison to the men she had always known, were skilled and nimble. There was no job too lowly for him to offer his hands. So many times he had surprised, shocked even, the others by his willingness to do any job that needed to be done. She found it was useless to try and stop him. He didn't seem to want to understand that he was too important to sully his beautiful hands. She loved him all the more for it.
The sunlight glinted gold in his hair as he bent over his journal. His long bangs fell forward over his glasses as he concentrated. The scratch of the pen against the paper was a sound that thrilled her. It reminded her of all that they had won in their fight for freedom. The simple act of ink flowing onto the page said that now, after thousands of years of slavery and enforced illiteracy, the people of Abydos are at last free to express themselves with words both spoken and written. With Daniel to teach them, the future looked bright. Katrin's little one will grow up learning to read and write, knowing the history of their people. Her child wouldn't spend its life forced to slave in the mines for the merciless Ra. The children of Abydos now had the freedom to decide what they wanted to be for themselves.
Shar'e laid a hand against her stomach. It had been many months since Ra's defeat and the Taur'i had returned to their own world through the Chappai. With each new phase of the moons, she hoped that she too would find herself blessed with a child. Her heart ached with the desire to have a baby of their making. Her body yearned to shelter a growing life, to feel a heartbeat nestled under her own. She wanted to hold the warm weight of her baby in her arms, feel the hungry pull of its mouth on her breast, and know that love brought this miracle into being. It was not from lack of trying, she thought with a smile. Her face grew warm with the memory of her husband's talented hands.
Soon, she promised herself. Soon they would bring a new life into the world. A beautiful child with eyes the color of the afternoon sky and hair the color of sunlight on the dunes. A child who could laugh without fear, and who would grow up to choose what he would turn his hands to do. There would be others, of course, girls with shy sweet smiles and boys with bright eyes. Closing her eyes, she pictured a home filled with the sound of small feet, shrill voices, and good natured squabbling. Her face glowed with the wonder of her dream.
"Shar'e?" She started as Daniel's voice woke her from her light sleep.
"I am sorry, my husband. I thought only to close my eyes for a moment."
"It's okay. Come on, you'll be more comfortable inside." He held out his hand to her. She put her smaller one into it and allowed him to pull her to her feet. His arms slipped around her waist and she nestled her face into the curve of his neck. She leaned into his embrace, holding him tight.
He returned the hug and then stepped back. Taking his hand again, she followed him down the stairs and into the dim interior of their home. Soon, she thought as she turned her face up to meet his. Soon.
Gasping, Shar'e sat upright. Her dream shattered into a thousand fragments under the frantic pounding of her heart. Her loose garments stuck to her sweat slicked skin as she tried to get her bearings. She shoved the rough homespun blanket away from her as her eyes roamed around the dimly lit room. The sturdy adobe walls, the dirt floor, and the simple furniture of her childhood surrounded her. Beneath her the rope bed creaked as she swung her legs over the side. With one hand on the bed post and the other fisted against the small of her back, she grunted as she forced herself to her feet. Her movements were made ungainly by her swollen belly. She clutched her side as the baby gave her a painful kick. She made her way to the door and peered out.
Her father sat on a pile of blankets consulting with an elder of the city. A young girl, one of her cousins, was bringing them water and dried fruit. Not wanting to draw attention to herself, Shar'e withdrew. Waddling back to the bed, she tried to make herself as comfortable as possible. The baby would be here soon. When that happened she would lose what little freedom she had gained as she waited, hidden away in her father's home. Her back hurt. Her belly ached from the weight of the child she would not be allowed to keep. Her heart was being crushed under the pressure of the grief that came from knowing this should have been a time of rejoicing, a time of anticipation. It should have been a time of loving back rubs, and evenings spent cuddling. She wiped away the useless tears as they rolled down her cheeks. The discomfort of this pregnancy was nothing compared to the pain of loss that tore through her soul every time she thought of her husband's face, his hands, his smile. The bitterness of her disgrace threatened to choke her. She buried her face in her hands, trying to quiet the sobs that were rising. Rocking back and forth, Shar'e wept under the torrent of misery, helplessness, and self-loathing.
The demons who had done this would return at the birth. They would take the baby and they would force her back into the prison of her mind. There was nowhere she could run and no one who could help her. It was hopeless. The time for dreaming was past. Soon she would be engulfed by the nightmare again. There was no escape. It was coming soon. Much too soon.
Finis
© February 3, 2001 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.