Who am I?
Simple question, isn't it?
Well, apparently not.
I'm Carlin and I work here. We all belong here and make this plant work, saving our world and ourselves from an ice age. What would be more important? Brenna says we should feel proud, that it's our honor to serve. I am safe here, have all I need and even have a reason to live. Then why is it that I can't be satisfied? Why do I Why do I feel so empty, as if this entire place had little to do with me? I shouldn't feel so detached.
But I do. And Kegan is worried I'm sick. She's been a good friend. Since I was transferred from the mines, we've had a good time together. I like how she listens, how she laughs and how she looks at me. How she cares. However, now we seem to clash. She thinks I should concentrate on work. But recently I can't be focused. More and more my mind can't settle.
Like now. I should be on my way to work, but I'm sitting here thinking about what Tor said five days ago. He said that I didn't belong here, that we were both part of something called SG-1, along with Thera and Jona. And the dreams started. At first they were just little images, full of shadows. But last night it all seemed so real.
I was standing inside a large room, in front of me there was a big metal circle, with what looked like water in the middle. The water which had a deep shade of blue, shimmered and glistened; it was beautiful, it's beauty haunted me, but I also sensed danger. And then he came. Jonah. He told me to go to the other side. The other side of what? But fortunately Kegan stoped me. I have never dreamed like this before, the dream left me feeling uncomfortable, disturbed as though I was missing something important, some memory which I couldn't quite reach.
'Carlin. Time to go to work' Kegan's here, half smiling. She watches me, she looks worried. 'We have a lot to do'.
I nod at her, and try to smile back to ease her worry. 'Let's go'.
When we arrive I see them. Jona and Thera. Tor said we were friends. But we aren't. I don't like even them. But if I don't like them, why do I keep wondering what kind of friendship ours would have been? We seem so different.
I've spoken to Tor. He now clains he doesn't know me, that he was nightsick when he said those things. And Kegan says I could be too. But I know she won't say anything to the rest because she likes me. She also says that Jona and Thera only want special treatment from Brenna. Maybe she's right, maybe it's only a dream. It must be just a stupid dream. Nothing else. But still.
Something's wrong.
Every time I try to scratch the surface of my memories, a bell rings. A bell that sends me to Jona, Thera and Tor, a bell which makes this work seem pointless, useless, as if someone was cheating us. I feel that there is a place somewhere which is right and where I won't feel like this. And I want to know that place, I need to know what lies beneath. There's something grander out there, waiting for me.
I might not know who am I, but I have to find out.
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© September 9, 2000 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.