• SPOILERS : Various spoilers up to and including The Curse
• SUMMARY : Daniel’s deteriorating relationship with Jack prompts him to take a leave of absence from the SGC
• PG-13 [A] [HC] [S]

Major Samantha Carter checked her watch and didn’t like what she saw.

“Daniel, we better head back to the ‘gate.”

“I just need a few more minutes, Sam,” Doctor Daniel Jackson replied, sparing her a glance. “There’s a whole history on these walls. It’s incredible,” he murmured, scribbling in his field book.

“Haven’t you videotaped it?” Daniel, please. The colonel’s not going to be a happy camper.

“It’s not the same, Sam.  Some of this stone is so worn you have to feel it with your fingers. And the colours.  God, videotape doesn’t do it justice.  Tell Jack I’ll be another ten minutes, okay?”

“He’s not going to like it, Daniel,” Sam warned heedlessly.

“Please, Sam?” Daniel said, finally turning, his eyes wide and appealing.

“Okay,” she sighed.  “I’ll try to buy you some time.”

“Thanks, Sam. I owe you one,” he smiled, turning back to his pain-staking work.

Sam shook her head affectionately and left the archaeologist to his passion.

************************

Major Carter and Teal'c watched warily as Colonel Jack O'Neill paced in front of the DHD, glaring at his watch.

“Major, where the hell is Daniel?” he asked harshly.

“He's just finishing a few notes, sir.”

“You told me that fifteen minutes ago.  Damn him, he's supposed to be at the 'gate now.  He knows we have a window,” Jack fumed.

“I will retrieve Daniel Jackson,” Teal'c offered.

“No, I'll do it,” Jack said dangerously, storming off in the direction of the temple muttering, “it's always the same damn thing.”

“I believe Daniel Jackson has upset O'Neill...yet again,” Teal'c observed solemnly.

“Big time,” Sam sighed with a shaky smile.  “Let's get Daniel's gear together.  At least the colonel

won't be able to jump on him for that,” she said, stooping to stow away her team-mate’s supplies.

“Indeed, a wise goal,” Teal'c affirmed and offered his assistance.

                                   *********************

Daniel glanced at his watch.  Damn.   Just a few more minutes, Jack.

“Daniel!”

“Oh, hi, Jack,” Daniel said, darting Jack a quick glance.  “I'm just about done.  These walls are-hey!”  Daniel yelped in surprise when Jack snatched the book out of his hand.

“You're finished now,” Jack said tightly between clenched teeth.   “You were supposed to be at the 'gate thirty minutes ago.”

“Didn't Sam tell you—”

“Shut up!   I've had it with your goddamned attitude!   Major Carter doesn't tell me, I tell her, and that goes double for you,” he hissed.

Daniel blinked in shock and dismay, too stunned to react.

“Move, damnit!”   Jack growled, shoving Daniel none too gently.

Daniel knew better than to argue.  He swallowed his injured pride, but he couldn’t vanquish the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach or in his heart.

                               ********************

Daniel turned off his computer and rubbed his eyes.  They’d been back for four days and the verbal whipping he received from Jack was still all too fresh.  He had tried talking to the older man, but Jack was in no mood to talk.   Colonel O’Neill had taken over.   Hell, he’d practically told him to make an appointment.  Anything Daniel did or said seemed to rub Jack the wrong way.  The phone rang jarringly and Daniel answered wearily.

“Hello?”

“Where the hell is your report?” an angry voice barked.

“I’m just finishing—”

“I want it now, Daniel.  Not two hours from now.   Not two minutes from now.   Send me what you have and it better be good.”

Daniel flinched at the loud bang in his ear as Jack slammed down his phone.

“Christ, Jack.  What the hell’s wrong?”

                           ************************

Jack slammed the phone down, visibly shaking.  He didn’t know why he was so angry with Daniel.  True, he hadn’t slept in days but he didn’t know if that was a cause or an effect.  Dr. Janet Fraiser had prescribed medication for his insomnia but what he really needed was an antidote for Daniel Jackson.  Simply put, the man was driving him nuts.

                            *************************

Daniel gathered up his report.  He toyed with the idea of e-mailing it to Jack, but dismissed that almost immediately.   He was not going to hide.

Daniel stood outside Jack’s office door, his closed office door.  

“Damn you, Jack.  You never close your door.”

Daniel stood there, undecided.   Great.   Do I knock and enter?   Do I wait for him to acknowledge me?   Maybe I should just barge in.   Oh yeah, he’d love that.

Taking a deep breath, Daniel rapped twice and opened the door.   Jack was sitting back in his chair, arms crossed in front of his chest.  Waiting.

Here we go, Daniel thought.   He walked in, head down, dropped the report on the desk and turned to leave.  Jack’s demeanour had ‘just try to talk to me’ written all over it.  The man was unapproachable and Daniel wasn’t even going to try.

“Is it finished?”

“Yes,” he replied not turning around.  He reached for the door but he couldn’t bear to leave things the way they were.   He turned and met the unblinking brown gaze.

“Is there a problem, Jack?”  Daniel winced inwardly.  Even to his own ears, he sounded confrontational.

Jack stared him down and said icily, “Not if you leave now.”

Daniel stood his ground for all of three seconds.  Wordlessly, he left, shutting the door behind him.

Jack picked up the report.  It only took him a couple of minutes to ascertain the report was thorough, concise and faultless.   Vintage Dr. Daniel Jackson and it annoyed the hell out of him.

                              *********************

Daniel crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it into the wastebasket.   He sat back with a sigh.

“Damn you, Jack,” he muttered.  He closed his eyes and thought of the past year.  The hated words from Euronda once again assaulted his mind:   'Daniel, shut up.  Is that clear enough?  It's never over with you.  It's always the same damn thing!'  Now this, 'I've had it with you and your goddamned attitude!'

Wearily, he selected another sheet of paper.  “You won't talk to me, Jack.  I don't know what else to do.”

                                         *********************

“Dr. Jackson, I don't understand,” General George Hammond declared upon reading the piece of paper in front of him.

“It's a request for a leave of absence, sir,” Daniel explained.

“I can see that, Doctor.  What I don't understand is why?”

“I need some time to myself, General.  I need to...sort things out,” Daniel said, uncomfortable with Hammond's questioning.

“Sit down, son.  Please.”

Daniel reluctantly sat down and Hammond studied the young man in front of him.   He was almost as familiar with the archaeologist's defensive postures as Colonel O'Neill and the man was undoubtedly on the defensive.  Daniel had been standing with his arms wrapped tightly around his chest.   Now he was sitting, arms still crossed, eyes looking everywhere but at the concerned man across from him.

“Does your decision have anything to do with Colonel O’Neill?”   Hammond asked quietly.  He had noticed an edginess between the two men lately.

Daniel's eyes flicked up and met Hammond's steady gaze.  “No,” he said quickly.  Daniel averted his eyes guiltily, sighed, and then looked back at Hammond.   “Yes.” 

“Euronda?”   Hammond guessed, uncomfortable still with his own role in that fiasco.

“Partly, sir,” Daniel admitted.

“What happened on Euronda, Dr. Jackson was regrettable.  Colonel O'Neill has explained to me the events that occurred.   Emotions were high, son.   Things often get said that are better left unsaid.  I'm not very proud of my own actions.  I never should have thrown Apophis in your face the way I did and I apologize for that.”

“Thank you, General.”  Daniel studied the floor, his hands clasped tightly together.  Taking a deep breath Daniel attempted an explanation.

“It was a tense situation, General.  Everything was happening so fast.  I knew Jack was upset with me but I kept pushing his buttons.  In retrospect, the outcome was inevitable,” Daniel finished wearily.

Hammond gazed thoughtfully at the young man, rapid-fire images of the archaeologist's life flashing through his mind.  An incredible number of things had happened to Dr. Jackson in the last few years.   Terrible, soul-wrenching things.   He picked up the request form and perused it one more time.

Daniel held his breath.  If the general denied his request, he didn't know what he was going to do.  He had to distance himself from Jack and short of resigning, he didn't have a lot of options.

“I hereby grant you a three month leave of absence, Dr. Jackson.   God knows you've earned it, son.”

Face awash in relief, Daniel expressed his gratitude.  “Thank you, sir.  This means a lot to me.”

“I take it you have discussed this with Colonel O'Neill?”   Hammond inquired.

Daniel could feel the heat rise in his cheeks.  “Ah, no...I haven't.  I was hoping that perhaps you could do that,” he said quietly.

“I will inform the colonel.”

“Thank you.   I don't think you'll meet with any resistance, General,” he said grimly.

General Hammond frowned at Daniel's words.  He knew there was a lot more going on here than the young man was letting on.

“Have you talked to anyone about this, Dr. Jackson?”

“No,” Daniel replied bluntly, his eyes downcast.

“Your request is for leave effective immediately.”

“Yes, sir.”   Daniel could feel the general's eyes burning a hole into the top of his head.  He looked up, blue eyes locking on blue.  “I will talk to Sam and Teal'c before I leave.”

Hammond nodded and asked, “And the colonel?”

“I think a meeting will be inevitable,” Daniel responded, a thin smile on his face.

Hammond nodded then asked, “Where will you go?”

Daniel fidgeted slightly and said, “I'd like to ask you for another favour, sir.”

“Of course.   What can I do for you?”

“I'd like to spend my leave on Abydos.”

Hammond's gut clenched at the request but he exhibited an outward calm.   Things must be worse than I thought.

“Abydos?”   Hammond repeated.

“Yes, sir.   I can't think of a better place to clear my head.”

“Then God speed, son.  Let me know when you're ready.”

“Thank you, sir,” Daniel said, standing and flashing his first genuine smile.

“Dr. Jackson.”  

Hammond's voice stopped Daniel at the door.  He looked back questioningly.

“Your worth to the SGC is immeasurable.  You'll be missed in more ways than you can imagine,” the older man said softly.

Overwhelmed by the general's unexpected praise, Daniel stammered, “Th-thank you,” and hurried from the room.

Colonel Jack O'Neill watched with narrowed eyes as Daniel Jackson emerged from General Hammond's office.  Daniel rarely visited the general, at least not alone.  The small smile on Daniel's face rubbed Jack the wrong way.   Smug-looking bastard.   What have you done?

“Daniel,” Jack said tonelessly.

Startled, Daniel looked up and saw the implacable figure of Jack in his path.

“Jack, I didn't see you there,” he said, trying his best and failing miserably to appear nonchalant.

Jack looked from Daniel to Hammond's closed door and then back to Daniel.   There was no warmth in Jack's eyes and Daniel involuntarily flinched from their coldness.

“Been crying to the principal, Danny-boy?” he asked cruelly.

“Go to hell, Jack,” Daniel said resignedly and brushed past Jack.

“Hey!”   Jack said, grasping Daniel firmly by the arm.  “I'm not finished with you.”

“Yes, you are, Jack,” Daniel said tightly.

Jack's fingers dug painfully into the younger man's arm.  When he saw that pain reflected in Daniel's eyes, he released his grip.

Glaring in hurt and disbelief, Daniel rushed off thus failing to see the regret in the older man's eyes.

Jack watched him leave.  He could still feel his fingers digging into Daniel's flesh and he shuddered at the sensation.   Shit.  What the hell's happening to us?

“Colonel O'Neill.”

Jack turned to see General Hammond standing in his doorway.  Crap.  I hope he didn't see that.

“Come into my office, please.”

Jack looked back down the hall.  Daniel was gone.   Gone in a way he refused to contemplate.   Straightening his shoulders, he turned back to the general.

“Yes, sir.”

                                 **************************

Daniel escaped into the sanctity of his quarters and locked the door behind him, swallowing the bitter bile in his throat.  Clasping his hand over his abused arm, he sank slowly to the floor, choking back the sob threatening to erupt.  He could still feel Jack's fingers digging in, deliberately inflicting pain.   Jack had never purposely hurt him.   Until now.  Daniel sat in the dark, silent tears sliding down his cheeks.   Am I too late?   Did I wait too long?  Is our friendship destroyed?

“No!”   Daniel shouted to the voice in his head.  “It's not too late,” he whispered as he unconsciously rocked back and forth.

“Daniel Jackson, are you in need of assistance?”

Daniel's head jerked up.  Teal'c?   Damn, he must have heard my shout.

“No-no, Teal'c.  I'm fine, thank you,” he replied in a strained voice.

Teal'c cocked his head, a decidedly disapproving frown on his face.   “You do not sound fine, Daniel Jackson.   Perhaps I should request the presence of Dr. Fraiser or...Colonel O'Neill?”

“No!”   Daniel shouted quickly.

A small, satisfied smile appeared on Teal'c's face as he heard Daniel fumble with the lock.   His smile disappeared completely upon seeing Daniel.

“You are in pain, Daniel Jackson,” his deep voice thrummed softly.

Daniel, touched by his friend's concern didn't even try to camouflage his distress.   He knew he looked like shit and he was damned if he was going to screw up another friendship.

“I'm not having one of my better days,” he admitted.  “Come in, please.  There’s something I want to tell you.”

Bowing his head slightly, Teal'c entered the dark room.

“Sorry,” Daniel apologized as he flicked on the light.

“Do not apologize, Daniel Jackson.  I, too, often seek solace in the dark.  However, I find candlelight to be most conducive to elevating spiritual enlightenment and achieving inner peace.”

“I really should borrow some candles off of you sometime.”

“I will gladly share anything I have with you, Daniel Jackson.   You need only ask,” Teal'c said solemnly.

Daniel looked away, his eyes stinging.  Damn it, is everyone going to make me cry today?

“Thank you, Teal'c.  I-I know that,” he said softly, looking back at his friend.  “Please, sit down,” he said as he lowered himself to the floor.

Teal'c complied and the two men sat cross-legged across from each other.   Daniel rested his elbows on his knees, his fingers steepled together.  He sighed.  There was no easy way to do this.

“Teal'c, I have to go away for awhile.”

Teal'c nodded sagely but remained silent.

“General Hammond has granted me a three month leave of absence.  I'm leaving today.  I'm going back to Abydos.”

An imperceptible lift of the eyebrow was Teal'c's only response.  

“I-I need to sort...some things out.  I need to find my place.”

“Your place is here, Daniel Jackson.”

Teal'c's forthright declaration settled over Daniel like a heavy blanket, cloaking him in its warmth and protection.  Daniel closed his eyes and thanked every god he knew for this steadfast friend.   He opened his eyes and gazed steadily at his friend.

“Thank you, Teal'c.  I wish it were that simple,” he said sadly.

Teal'c regarded his young friend closely.  “This is about O'Neill.  This is about what happened a few days ago.”

“In part, yes,” Daniel conceded.  “It's more complicated than that.  We need...I need to distance myself from Jack...and the SGC.”  Please don't ask me to explain, Teal'c.  I don't think I can.

“You are Colonel O'Neill's best friend.”

Daniel glanced briefly at Teal'c before looking away but Teal'c saw the doubt and infinite sadness in his friend's eyes.

 “Does O'Neill know of your decision, Daniel Jackson?”

“I honestly don't know.  The general is going to inform him.  Cowardly on my part, I know.”

“He will not approve,” Teal'c stated.

“Nothing new there then, is there?”  Daniel said glibly. 

Teal'c frowned.  “You carry great pain and anger within you, Daniel Jackson.  I do not wish to see you leave but I will support you in any way I can,” he vowed.

“Thank you, my friend,” Daniel whispered.  “I-I can't tell you how much that means to me.”

“O'Neill will be angry,” Teal'c stated firmly.

“Yes, he probably will,” Daniel sighed.

The two friends sat in silence, the flickering flames of the candlelight dancing across their bodies.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” Teal'c said softly.

Daniel looked up in surprise and smiled at the merest of twinkles in the Jaffa's eyes.

“What's Sam been giving you to read?” he laughed gently.

Teal'c inclined his head briefly and said, “Major Carter will not be pleased either.”

“That's an understatement,” Daniel replied glumly.

                              ***************************

“Colonel, is there anything you'd like to say?”  General Hammond inquired of the stone-faced man standing in front of him.

Oh, I've got plenty to say but not to you.

  “No, sir.  If Daniel wants to jump ship and go play on another planet that's his business,” Jack answered coolly, clenching his copy of Daniel's requisition form tightly in his fist.  Any remorse he may have felt for his earlier behaviour towards the archaeologist vanished at the sight of the neatly handwritten letter.

“I can't believe I'm hearing this, Colonel,” Hammond said incredulously.

“I'm not his keeper, General.  He is a civilian.   If the good doctor wants out I'm not going to stand in his way.”  Jack's words were cold and unfeeling.

“Colonel.   Jack,” Hammond implored, “Dr. Jackson is going back to Abydos.  Doesn't that concern you in the least?”

“No, he's a big boy now.”

Hammond sat back, flabbergasted.  How the hell did this happen and right under my nose?

“Colonel O'Neill, do I need to remind you what Dr. Jackson means to the people of Abydos?”

Don’t think about it.  Don’t fucking think about it.  Just get the hell out of here.   Jack’s face was impassive as he replied, “I’m sure they’ll be happy to see him, sir.  Am I dismissed, General?”

Hammond gave up, wondering if the wrong man was taking a leave of absence.   “Yes, Colonel.   You’re dismissed.”

“Thank you, sir,” Jack said rigidly, saluting smartly and making his exit.

Hammond sat back in his chair, extremely disturbed.  The seemingly solid friendship between O’Neill and Jackson was dissolving before his eyes.  The SGC without Dr. Daniel Jackson was unthinkable but the thought of SG-1 without the intrepid archaeologist was unbearable.  “Dr. Jackson, I pray to God you know what you’re doing,” he said quietly.  

Jack closed the door behind him and took a deep breath, trying to quell his rising anger.   Abydos?  What the hell kind of game are you playing, Daniel?   Who else have you told?   Haven’t got the balls to tell me?   Stifling the urge to strike out at the wall, Jack stormed to the gym.  He needed to hit something fast and to hit it hard.   An image of his fist smashing into Daniel’s smug face took up residence in his head.  It left him with a disturbing feeling of ecstasy tinged with nausea.

                                    *************************

“Hey, Sam,” Daniel called amiably as he entered her lab.

“Hey, Daniel,” she answered brightly.  “Come and look at this.  This is incredible.”

Daniel smiled at her enthusiasm.  God, I’m going to miss you, Sam.  “What have you got there?”  he asked, peering over her shoulder.

“I mixed some naquadah dust with the algae from P3T 216.”

“Um, is that wise?”   Daniel asked uncertainly.

“Oh, it’s perfectly safe, Daniel.  Completely useless too but look at these colours,” she said excitedly.

Daniel leaned over to look at the Petri dish.  His eyes widened in astonishment.  “Wow, Sam, these colours are incredible,” he said softly.

“Isn’t it amazing?”

“I wonder what would happen if you added a drop of oil?”  Daniel wondered aloud.

“Let’s find out.”   Sam hurried away to find some oil, overjoyed to have someone to share her enthusiasm.  Bubbling with excitement, she carefully placed a drop of vegetable oil into the middle of the maelstrom of colour.  Immediately, the colours vanished.  She jumped back as if struck.

“Oops,” Daniel said sheepishly.  He looked hesitantly at Sam and she burst out laughing.

“Don’t worry, Daniel, I’ve got loads of this stuff.  What else can we try,” she asked enthusiastically as she made up another mixture of naquadah and algae.

While Daniel came up with ideas, he noticed Sam studying him.  Smiling, he asked, “What?”

Embarrassed, Sam blushed and looked away.

“Sam?”

Looking back, she shrugged and said, “It’s just that I haven’t had this much fun in such a long time.  I miss you, Daniel.   We used to do this a lot.   When did that stop?”

“Well,” Daniel said carefully.  “We have been busy and some of our missions have been pretty…exhaustive.”   And you and Jack…

“We’ll just have to make time for this then, okay?  I don’t want to lose this,” Sam said earnestly.

Oh boy.   Now, it was Daniel’s turn to redden.   “Actually, Sam, I came here to tell you that I’m leaving for awhile.”

“Leaving?   Where?  When?” she asked in a flurry, her brow furrowed.

“I’m-uh-taking a leave of absence.”

“What?   Why?  For how long?” she asked in alarm.

“I need to get away, Sam,” he said quietly.  “Things between me and Jack are a bit…strained.  It’s not fair to you and Teal’c.”

“Daniel, I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I know the colonel’s been a bit edgy but he gets like that.   Is this because of the other day?” she asked suddenly.

“No, Sam,” he sighed wearily.  “I wouldn’t be leaving if it was just that.”

“Euronda?   Is it because of what happened with Alar?  It is, isn’t it,” she pressed.  She would never forget the colonel telling Daniel to shut up in front of the Eurondans.   It was a humiliating and ugly scene that she fervently wished she had not witnessed.

“Euronda plays a part, yes,” Daniel admitted.  “Things just haven’t been…right between us for a long time,” he said sadly.

“Daniel, you don’t think the colonel wants you off the team, do you?” she asked horrified.

“No…I don’t know.  Maybe he does.   Maybe it would be for the best–”

“Daniel, you can’t believe that!  Damn it, you are SG-1,” she said angrily.  “You belong here.  We need you.   I need you.”

  Daniel gazed into the blazing blue eyes and felt a shiver.    Thank you, Sam and Teal’c.  “I appreciate that, Sam.  I really do but I have to do this.  I need some time and I can’t clear my head here.”

Sam’s eyes softened at the desperate intensity in her friend’s face.  Daniel needed her support, not her wrath.  “Where will you go,” she asked warily.  Please don’t say Abydos.

“To Abydos…for three months.”

“Three months?” she gasped, struck by the double whammy.  “Does the colonel know about this?”

“He might now.  I haven’t told him.  General Hammond has that dubious honour.”

Sam shook her head sadly.   “Daniel, I didn’t know things were that bad.   I knew you and the colonel were a little…off, but this?  Oh, God, I’m sorry, I–”

“It’s not your fault, Sam,” Daniel said gently.

She looked away as a disturbing thought struck her.  Is that why the colonel’s been hanging around me so much lately?  Avoiding Daniel?  It never was about me.  She looked back and asked calmly, “When are you leaving?”

“Today,” he said softly.

“Today?” she cried.  “Daniel, I don’t know what to say,” she said helplessly.

Daniel shrugged and flashed a sad smile.   “Say you’ll miss me,” he suggested.   “And you’ll feed my fish.”

“Oh, God, Daniel,” she said, flinging her arms around him, hugging him tightly.  “Of course I’ll miss you and I’ll feed your damn fish,” she choked.

“I’ll miss you, too and thanks,” Daniel whispered, returning her hug warmly.  “Don’t think badly of me, okay?”

Sam pulled back, smoothing out Daniel’s rumpled shirt.  “I couldn’t, even if I tried.”

Daniel fondly brushed a tear from Sam’s face.   “You and Teal’c keep Jack in line, okay?  Help him.   He’s going to need you both.”

Sam regained her composure and nodded.   “We will but it won’t be easy,” she smiled.

“He never is,” Daniel smiled in return.

                                    **************************

Jack slammed his locker door closed.   Why the hell does everyone have to pick now to work out?  He entered the gym grim-faced.  A crowded gym was one of Jack’s least favourite experiences.  After glowering at anyone who ventured to make eye contact with him, the occupancy rate diminished alarmingly.  Thirty minutes of punching the heavy bag and Jack was the lone occupant.  He looked smugly at the vacant room then heard a voice in his head, as clear as a bell, ‘Don’t be an ass, Jack.’  Growling in frustration, Jack savagely struck the bag.

“Damn you, Daniel,” he hissed.

“Daniel Jackson is leaving,” a deep voice boomed.

Jack turned a desultory glare to Teal’c.   “So I heard.   Party’s at my place.”

“He is going to Abydos.”

“Lucky Abydos,” he said snidely.

“Does this not concern you, O’Neill?”

“What concerns me, Teal’c,” Jack said dangerously, “is the time I’m wasting listening to Daniel-this and Daniel-that,” he said with a vicious backhand to the bag.

“I do not understand your behaviour, O’Neill.   Is not Daniel Jackson your best friend?”   Teal’c asked.

Jack squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out any images of a happy Daniel and Jack.  “What he is, Teal’c, is a royal pain in the ass.  Now, if you’ll excuse me,” he said, brushing roughly past the Jaffa, “I need a shower.”

Teal’c watched sombrely as Jack left, uncertain as to what he should do, or if there was anything he could do.

            ************************

Jack came out of the locker room, narrowly missing a collision with Sam.

“Sir,” she said breathlessly.   “Have you talked to Daniel?”

Any respite the shower had given him from his anger fled immediately.  Hammond, Teal’c, Carter.  Anyone else you’ve spilled your guts to?

“About what?” he asked scornfully.

“Sir, he’s going back to Abydos.   You have–”

“No, Carter, I do not have to do anything.”

“But colonel, he’s–”

“Major!  I do not wish to discuss Daniel Jackson with you or anyone else.   Is that clear?”   Jack said vehemently.

“Yes, sir,” she replied, thinly veiled sarcasm evident in her tone.

Jack saw the anger in her eyes and the fear, not of him but of losing a friend.  After all, she and Daniel were good friends, as were Daniel and Teal’c.   What about us, Danny?   Jack sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes.

“I’ll talk to him, Carter.”

“Thank you, sir,” she said, relieved that the colonel wasn’t going to just ignore Daniel. 

            ************************

“Daniel?  I’m surprised to see you here,” Janet remarked as the archaeologist entered the infirmary.

“This is almost like a second home,” Daniel quipped.

Janet frowned.  “Don’t get any ideas, mister.  My long term goal is to never see you in here except for routine examinations.”

“Well, I might be able to help you there…for a few months anyway,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“Daniel, what are you trying to say?”

                                    *******************************

Daniel was busily finishing up his ‘to-do’ list for his assistants.   He knew he was being unfair dumping all the translations on their desks but he also knew they were up to the challenge.   Just stay away from Jack and you’ll be fine.   He briefly thought of writing that down when a piece of paper was  thrust under his nose.

“What the hell is this?”   Jack asked angrily.

Daniel sighed audibly.   “It’s a request form for a- “

“I know that!” he said, snatching it back.   “What I want to know is why and just when the fuck you were going to tell me!”

Pushing back from his desk, Daniel stood up and stepped back from Jack.   Wrapping his arms around himself he said, “I went straight to General Hammond because I knew how you’d react.   I thought I’d save us both the aggravation.”

“Oh, you think you know me so well,” Jack said derisively.  “Fine, then  tell me how I would’ve reacted.”

Daniel searched the cold brown eyes, searched for some sign of ‘his’Jack.  There was none.   I’m not playing this game, Jack.

“No,” he said calmly.

“No?”  Jack repeated.  Swaggering into the younger man’s personal space, he pinned Daniel with his glare.   “Are you defying me again, Dr. Jackson?”

“Always the same damn thing with me, isn’t it, Jack,” Daniel said, stepping away once more.  Shit, I didn’t mean to say that.  A hand shot out, grabbing his arm.

“You’re still pissed about Euronda because I told you to shut up.   And your little escapade the other day.   That’s what this is all about.  I hurt the great Dr. Jackson’s feelings and now you’re going to run away and sulk.  You’re pathetic,” Jack said in disgust as he shoved Daniel away from him.

Stung by Jack’s words, Daniel shot back, “At least I wasn’t prepared to commit genocide.   Twice!”

Jack stiffened and Daniel immediately regretted the words.  “Jack, I didn’t mean–”

“Shut up!” Jack warned, his hands clenching into fists.

Daniel opened his mouth, thought better of it, and closed it.  Shaking his head, he picked up his papers and walked past Jack, heading for the door.

“Why Abydos?”

Daniel stopped, his hand on the door.  Jack’s voice was neutral and it was a fair question.  Maybe.   Just maybe we can salvage something here.   He turned around and addressed the older man’s back.  “I need a place where I can think, where I can get…back on track.  Abydos is simple…uncluttered.  The Abydonians will grant me the peace and the time to do that.”

Jack turned around and looked at Daniel through narrowed eyes.

Or maybe not, Daniel thought miserably.

“What you mean is that they’ll bow and scrape to your every whim?” he sneered contemptuously.

“Damn it, Jack.  I haven’t been back since I buried Sha’re.  I’d like to see my wife’s grave.  Maybe you should do the same,” he spat as an afterthought.

Enraged brown eyes met startled blue ones.  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”  Jack’s voice was a deadly whisper and Daniel swallowed hard.  

Oh, shit, Jackson. You just stepped on a live one.  Daniel stared at Jack, weighing his options.  There was little he could do, the die had been cast.  Time to step off the mine.  Trying to sound as calm as possible, Daniel asked, “When was the last time you visited your son’s grave?”

The deathly silence that followed his query was violently replaced by an explosion of flailing limbs as Daniel found himself pinned up against the wall, an enraged colonel’s fingers wrapped tightly around his throat.

“You fucking bastard!” he seethed.  “Don’t you ever mention my son to me and don’t you dare

judge me!”  Jack’s fist drew back as he gathered his strength to obliterate Daniel’s face.

Daniel, desperately trying to breathe, locked eyes with Jack.  “J-jack,” he croaked.

Jack found himself trapped in Daniel’s eyes, the young man’s desperate plea hammering at his soul but he couldn’t stop his momentum.

Daniel saw the fist coming, closed his eyes in resignation and turned away, his skin stretching painfully in Jack’s grip.  His friend smashing his face in was one image he did not want haunting him for the rest of his life.  But the blow didn’t land, at least not on him.

A loud thud beside Daniel’s left ear reverberated through his skull and the vise-like grip on his throat disappeared.  Gagging, he lurched away from the wall and doubled over, gasping, his fingers gently massaging his abused throat.  Furtively, he looked at Jack.  The angry man was still facing the wall, his bruised hand hanging limply at his side.   Daniel straightened up slowly, tears in his eyes.  Not tears for his own physical pain but tears for a shared loss.  “Now do you understand, Jack?” he rasped. 

Silence filled the room, except for Daniel’s tortured breathing. 

“I’m not doing this for me.   I’m doing this for us,” Daniel wheezed.

“There is no us,” Jack said faintly.  

“Exactly,” Daniel whispered as he stooped to pick up his papers.  Gingerly touching his throat, he paused at the door and looked back at the silent figure, visibly trembling, still facing the wall.

“I’ll see you in three months, Jack,” he said wearily.

At the soft click of the closed door, Jack’s rigid shoulders sagged and he sank to his knees, retching.

            ****************************

Jack stared down at the Stargate.  The alien portal mocked him.  It had the power to give wonders, to give rebirth to a tortured soul.  It also had the power to take away all that was decent in a man’s life.  A few moments ago, his life shattered.   He stood here, hiding in the shadows, as Daniel Jackson took his leave of the SGC.   Dressed in his Abydonian robes, Daniel had looked regal.  Ambassador extraordinaire.  Jack felt proud, humbled, and totally wretched.  He watched as Carter embraced Daniel, tears unashamedly trickling down her cheeks.  Teal’c had gripped his arm as only a Jaffa can, respect and affection obvious in the simple gesture.   Hammond had placed both hands over Daniel’s in a tight grip, reluctant to let go.  Even Dr. Fraiser had been present.  Jack watched and his heart bled.  He couldn’t face Daniel.  Even from here, the bruises on the young man’s neck had stood out in stark contrast to the fair skin.  They shouted at Jack.  ‘Look!   See what you’ve done!  This is your handiwork!  Proud of yourself?’  Daniel had tried to conceal Jack’s savagery but the cloth had slipped down after he hugged Carter.   Jack had watched with shame as she tentatively reached out to touch the injured neck.   Daniel had gently restrained her hand and pulled the cloth back up, shaking his head.  He then spoke a few words to Teal’c, Janet and Hammond who had also visibly stiffened at the sight.  If looks could kill, Jack was dead four times over.  He leaned heavily on the glass and closed his eyes, the sight of the Stargate making his stomach roil.  You’re better off without me, Daniel.

“Colonel O’Neill,” a voice sounded harshly from behind him.  Jack looked up to see the reflection of General Hammond in the glass.  He turned.

“Yes, sir.”

“Colonel, what in God’s–”   Hammond’s reprimand caught in his throat when he saw the tear tracks on Jack’s haggard cheeks.  “Jack, sit down, please.”

Obediently, Jack sat down and handed the general a piece of paper.

“What’s this?”  Hammond inquired.

“It’s my resignation, sir,” Jack said hollowly, his eyes downcast.

“I won’t accept it,” Hammond said bluntly.

Tormented brown eyes rose to meet concerned blue one.  “I attacked Daniel, sir.   I don’t deserve to be here.   I don’t deserve SG-1.”

“This is unacceptable, Colonel.”  

Jack watched dully as the general tore up the offending piece of paper.

“Dr. Jackson deserves better from you, Jack.”

Jack looked up, desperately seeking help.   “I don’t know what to do.”

Hammond barely heard the tortured words but the mute appeal in the soldier’s eyes was all too clear.

            **************************8

Daniel stepped through the tent flap to the shocked delight of his father-in-law.  Kasuf embraced Daniel warmly.

“Good Son, it has been too long.”

“Yes, Good Father, it has.”

Kasuf searched his beloved son-in-law’s face and frowned in concern.  “Great pain has brought you here.”

The concern and love in the old man’s eyes were too much for Daniel.  “Yes, Good Father,” he whispered and collapsed into the caring arms.

            ************************

Jack let himself into Daniel’s apartment after ensuring that Carter was still at the mountain.  He felt like an intruder and in effect, he was.  Daniel hadn’t asked him to check on his apartment or feed his fish but he felt compelled to come here.  Daniel had only been gone for five days but it seemed much longer to Jack.  He missed the young man immensely.  It was a physical as well as emotional ache that wouldn’t go away.   He had gone back to Daniel’s office but there was no respite to be found there, only guilt and shame over his inexcusable attack on his friend.  He hoped to find solace in Daniel’s home.

Jack closed the door behind him gently and smiled at the orderly chaos that was Daniel Jackson’s home.  There was so much that was familiar and yet there was a good deal that was unfamiliar.   With a deep sense of shame, Jack couldn’t remember when he was last here.  He wandered around picking up objects at random and was hit with a disturbing sense of déjà vu.  He had done this before when he had thought Daniel had been killed on Nem’s planet.   That overwhelming sense of loss he felt then paled to the despair tormenting him now.  There was no convenient scapegoat for Daniel’s absence this time.   No alien creature to blame.   No false memory.   Jack had done it all on his own.  He’d driven Daniel away in the most hurtful way imaginable.   Jack could only guess at how long Daniel tortured himself before finally taking the only action he felt he had left.  Jack sat down heavily on the couch and buried his head in his hands.  The thought of never seeing Daniel come through that door again was unthinkable.  The thought of him never coming through that door again because of something he had done was unbearable.  Jack sat back with a resigned sigh.

“You’re right, General.  Daniel deserves much better.”

                                    **********************

The solitary figure sat down and carefully reached out a hand to caress the warm sand.

“Sha’re, it’s me,” Daniel said softly.   “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come back.  I know you’re not really under there,” he laughed self-consciously.  He placed his hand on his chest.  “You’re here, in my heart.  I take you everywhere, Sha’re, whether you want to go or not,” he smiled.   “God, I wish I could hold you.   Lose myself in your beauty, your soul.”   Daniel wiped the tears from his eyes.   “I’m sorry; I know you hate to see me cry.  Did Good Father tell you that Skaara is free?  The parasite was removed.  I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you.   I know, I know.   Stop apologizing.  You’re just like Ja–” Daniel bit off the name.  He clenched his fists together, reigning in his emotions.   “Kasuf must have told you about your son.  Ah, Sha’re, he’s so beautiful.  Just like his mother.   And he’s safe, Sha’re.   He’s very safe.   I know I’ll see him again and I promise you he’ll know his mother.”

Daniel reached into his robe and pulled out a large pouch.  “I brought you something from Earth.  It’s from my home.   I thought you’d like it.”   Daniel spread the maple leaves, fir boughs, holly and rich, dark earth over his wife’s grave.   He couldn’t stop the tears that fell to mingle with his gift.

“I love you, Sha’re.  I always will.”  Daniel sat in silence for a long, long time.  He reached over and picked up a small leaf, gently caressing it in his palm.

“I-I need your help, Sha’re.   I’m losing Jack.  His friendship is the only thing that’s been holding me together since you were taken away.  I can’t lose him too.”

The dark-robed man watched Daniel from a distance.  The hunched, shaking shoulders tore at his heart.  “Help him, daughter,” Kasuf whispered into the coming twilight.

                                    ************************

“Major Carter, may I speak with you?”

“Of course, Teal’c.”

“Colonel O’Neill has not been heard from for several days.  Should we not be concerned?”

Sam sighed.  Daniel had left one month ago and the colonel himself had taken a leave of absence shortly thereafter.  “I really try not to think about it, Teal’c; it’ll just drive me crazy.”

“I see.  You are not concerned then?”

“Of course I’m concerned,” she amended hastily.   “It’s just that there’s nothing I can do so I don’t dwell on it.  I’ve left messages with the colonel.  I’ve stopped by his house.  He doesn’t want to be seen, Teal’c.  It’s the way he is.   When he’s ready he’ll let us know.”

“You do not fear for him then?”   Teal’c inquired.

Sam met the Jaffa’s passioned gaze and said truthfully, “No, I don’t.  I did at first but I don’t know how or why but I know that Colonel O’Neill will be fine.”

“And Daniel Jackson?”

“And Daniel too,” she smiled.

Teal’c nodded and said, “Because the alternative is unacceptable.”

“Exactly, Teal’c,” she agreed.

                                    *******************************

Jack sat in his truck for several minutes before finally opening the door and stepping out.  The light breeze carried the scent of pine and the autumn leaves crunched softly under his boots.   He walked along the well-trodden path and then veered off slightly.  A few minutes later, he crouched down beside a small stone marker.

“Hey, sport.   It’s me, Dad.”   Tears stung his eyes as he read the inscription: ‘Charles J. O’Neill, beloved son of Jack and Sara’.  The pain and guilt evoked by the words never faded and Jack seriously doubted if they ever would.  But sometimes Daniel could make the hurt go away.  The thought of the gentle archaeologist brought another stab of pain and guilt.  Shaking his head, Jack reached out and lovingly cleared the leaves and small weeds from his son’s grave.   Something glinted in the dappled light drawing his attention.  He looked closer and saw a small, enamel box tucked neatly into a small alcove near the base of the gravestone.  Did Sara leave something?  Puzzled, Jack gently extricated the object.  In the direct sunlight, it dazzled a brilliant blue.  Just like Daniel’s eyes, he thought absently.  Smiling to himself, he turned the box over in his hands and felt something shift.  Curiously, he opened the box and immediately his heart was in his mouth.   With trembling fingers, Jack gingerly lifted the small object from within and cradled it in his left palm.  His vision blurred as he reverently caressed the rounded piece of plastic containing an exquisite white feather; the Abydonian symbol of innocence and purity of soul.  Jack clutched the object to his chest and lowered his head.   There was no doubt in Jack’s mind that Daniel had given Charlie this gift.  How long Daniel had been visiting his son’s grave, while he himself used every excuse in the book to stay away, Jack had no idea.   Daniel’s words echoed in Jack’s mind.   ‘When was the last time you visited your son’s grave?’   This was followed by vivid images of his violent reaction. He couldn’t stop the tears or the sobs that soon wracked his body.  He cried for Charlie; he cried for Sara; he cried for Daniel and Sha’re.  But mostly, he cried for the dissolution of the most important friendship in his miserable existence. 

“Oh, God, Charlie.  Your old man’s really screwed things up.” 

His tears spent, Jack rocked back on his heels, exhausted.  “I could sure use some of you Kleenex right about now, Danny,” he said as he swiped a sleeve across his face.    He had to admit that it felt good to cry, as physically draining as it was.  He’d been holding in his sorrow and pain for too long.  Jack removed his jacket and placed it on the ground.  He sat down, still clutching the white feather.

“I hope you don’t mind, Charlie but I’ve got a lot of things I need to talk about.”

The caretaker of the small cemetery felt torn between approaching the distraught man to offer comfort or to ensuring he wasn’t disturbed.  He chose the latter.  Colonel O’Neill was a very private man.  He had been surprised to see the colonel here.  Usually, it was Mrs. O’Neill or that nice young man, Daniel Jackson whom he saw at the young boy’s grave.  Daniel Jackson had explained that the boy’s father was frequently out of the country and could not visit as often as he wished.  The old caretaker smiled when he saw the colonel settle down on the ground, the terrible sounds of grief now silent.

“I bet you have a lot to talk about, Colonel,” he murmured.  “Take all the time you need.  Best audiences in the world here.”

Jack stood up stiffly and brushed the leaves off his pants.  He looked at his watch and was surprised to note he had been sitting for four hours.

“Thanks for listening, Charlie.  I’ll be back soon,” he said softly.

As Jack walked back to his truck, he passed the caretaker raking leaves.

“Hey, Max.”

“Colonel,” he beamed, “it’s good to see you again.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long time.”

“I was worried about you but your friend, Daniel Jackson, explained that your work takes you out of the country a great deal.”

Jack smiled.   Ah, Danny.   Always watching my back.

“Yes, it does.  Uh-how often has he been here?  I tend to lose track of time what with jet lag and all.”

“Oh, let me think,” Max said, frowning slightly.  “I’d say every couple of months.”

“Really?”   Shit.  How often do I come?  Once a year?  Crap.

“He even came during that terrible storm a few months back.  Poor man didn’t even have an umbrella so I brought one out to him.   I heard him tell your son not to be afraid.”

“Charlie hated thunder,” Jack said quietly.

“He told him that you were out saving the world to make it a better place and that things would soon quiet down.”

Jesus, Danny.

“You’re a lucky man, Colonel.  A friend like that may come only once in a lifetime.”

Jack glanced briefly at Max, a wan smile on his lips.  “I know.”

“Can I ask you something, Colonel?”

“Sure, Max but please, call me Jack.”

“Okay, Jack,” the old man smiled.  “The feather.   I know it was none of my business but the box looked so pretty and, well...I looked.”

“That’s okay, Max,” Jack smiled, patting the man’s shoulder.  It represents innocence.  It’s an ancient Earth symbol.  It’s very special to Daniel.”

“It’s beautiful,” Max nodded thoughtfully.  “I made that little compartment for it so it wouldn’t get stolen or blown away.”

“Thank you.   I appreciate that.”

“Yes, sir.   You’re a lucky man,” Max reiterated as he solemnly resumed raking the leaves.

       *********************

Major Carter ticked another day off on her calendar.  As much as she denied dwelling on the matter, she knew exactly how many days Daniel and Colonel O’Neill had been away.   Daniel, 28 days; the colonel, 25 days.   She still shuddered when she thought of the ugly bruising on Daniel’s neck.  Daniel had said he had provoked Jack and not to hold it against him; it was just one of those things.  As much as she respected and cared for her CO there was no excusing his behaviour, not when Daniel was the victim of his wrath.  She had to admit she was glad the colonel had also taken a leave of absence because she was pretty damn sure she wouldn’t have been able to keep her mouth shut about the incident.  The ringing of the telephone startled her, snapping her out of her gloom.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Carter, it’s me.”

“Colonel!”   she said in surprise, sitting bolt upright.  The gentle laughter at the other end of the line almost melted her heart.

“At ease, Major.  How are you?”   Jack asked.

“Me?   I’m-I’m fine, sir.   How are you?  Where are you?”

“I’m good, thanks.  I’m at home and I’ll be coming back to work in a few days.  I just finished talking to General Hammond about it.”

“That’s good to hear, sir.  We’ve missed you around here.”

“Don’t lie to your CO, Carter,” Jack admonished.

“No, sir, really, we have,” she insisted earnestly.  “It’s just not the same without you and Dan–”.

It’s okay, Carter.  I miss him too.”

Thank God.

“What are you doing tonight?”  Jack asked.

“I-uh-have no immediate plans, sir,” she said hesitantly.  Oh God, he’s not still trying to go fishing?

“Do you think you and Teal’c could come over for dinner?”

“I’d love to, Colonel,” she smiled in relief, “and I’m sure Teal’c will too.”

“Good.   Six okay?”

“Perfect.   Thank you, sir.”

“Great, I’ll see you tonight then.”

“Looking forward to it.  Bye, sir.”

“Bye, Carter.”

Sam hung up the phone, a million thought rushing through her mind.   The colonel sounded good.  In fact, he sounded happy and he said he missed Daniel.   She couldn’t stop grinning as she hurried to find Teal’c.

Jack hung up the phone and blew out a huge sigh of relief.  Carter had actually sounded pleased to hear his voice.   After what he had done to Daniel, he certainly didn't deserve any pleasantness.  He strolled over to the mantle and picked up his son's photo.

 “Told you I worked with some great people, kiddo.”

 He placed the photo next to his one of SG-1, his other kids he thought fondly.  Daniel's blue eyes blazed out at him, brilliant even in the picture. 

“Don't give up on me, Danny,” he whispered.  Jack closed his eyes against the tears and heard his friend's voice 'I'm doing this for us'.

 “God, I've been such a bastard,” Jack said, placing the photo back on the mantle.  His eyes drank in the smiling face of his friend and he vowed to see that smile again.  What if he stays on Abydos?  What are you going to do then?  Shaking the nagging thoughts out of his head, Jack concentrated on his upcoming encounter with Carter.   He had to set things right with her before he could even begin to set things right with Daniel.   He sat in his chair with a groan.

 “You're such an ass, Jack.”

 His visit to Charlie's grave had opened up a book of revelations for Jack.  His attraction for Carter, his anger towards Daniel, and his denial of any problems.  Oh yeah.   Big-time ass.

        *************************

Daniel sat alone, relishing the warm breeze on his upturned face.   The three moons of his adopted planet framed the pyramid in front of him.  He remembered the first time he had set eyes on it and he remembered the look of utter astonishment on Jack O'Neill's face.  He smiled at the memory, at the naked passion on the soldier's face.   That was when Daniel knew the hard-assed colonel had a poet's soul.

 “Whoa, Jackson.   Poet's soul?  Jack?   I think you've had a little too much of Kasuf's home brew,” Daniel jokingly chastised himself.   It felt good to think about Jack.   His stomach no longer clenched and the sick ache in his heart had vanished.  “Time, Jack.  We just need some time,” he said quietly.  Daniel heard the soft rustling of robes.  Looking over his shoulder, he smiled at his visitor.

“Hello, Good Father.”

“Good Son, you missed your meal.  Here, I have brought you something to eat.”

Daniel smiled gratefully.  Just like Jack.   “Thank you.   I must have lost track of time.”

“You have not changed,” the old man chided fondly.

Daniel laughed easily and then asked seriously, “Have I changed, Good Father?   I mean, am I still the man you remember?  The man Sha're fell in love with?”

Kasuf gazed paternally at Daniel.  “If you had not met my daughter until today, I assure you, by the end of the week you would be my son-in-law.”

Daniel's earnest expression blossomed into a brilliant, shy smile.   Ducking his head, he said, “I thought maybe I'd changed too much.  Seen too much.”

“You have seen much evil, Good Son and suffered greatly, but the goodness of your soul has not changed, only grown.  Sha're knows this too.  You carry her with you always, as do I.”

“Yes, I do,” Daniel whispered.

“Eat,” Kasuf urged.

Obliging, Daniel picked at his food under the watchful eye of his father-in-law.

“Colonel O'Neill has been a good friend to you since you left us,” he stated.

Daniel looked up and nodded.  “The best.   I don't know what I would have done without him,” he said honestly.  “I was so lost after Sha're was abducted.  I was helpless.  Jack took me in.   He let me stay in his home.   He gave me a reason to live: together we would find Sha're and Skaara.”

“And you have done this.”

“Yes, but not in the way I had planned,” Daniel said sadly, his eyes glistening.

“My son is alive and free.  My daughter is at peace.   You did this, and I am eternally grateful.”

Daniel swallowed hard and looked away.  Kasuf placed a gentle hand on his head.  “I will leave you in peace, Good Son.”

 As the old man turned to depart Daniel said, “No, Good Father.  Sit with me, please.”

Kasuf smiled and sat down next to Daniel, his heart singing.  The two men sat in silence, enjoying each other’s presence.   The odds that they had even met were astronomical, but now they could not imagine their lives without the other.

“Don't let it change,” Daniel said quietly.

“Good Son?”   Kasuf asked in puzzlement.

Daniel smiled and waved his arm in front of himself.  “This.   Abydos.  Don't let the Chapa'ai...no, don't let us...change this.”

“Everything changes, Good Son but I promise you, on my daughter's name, that Abydos will not change beyond its normal progression.”

“You know that General Hammond will give you anything he can and even then some,” Daniel smiled.

“We have all that we need.  It is you who have brought change to our people and we are forever in your debt.   We are free.  You have taught us to read and to write our own language again.   These gifts are priceless.”

“As was your gift to me,” Daniel whispered.  Although never comfortable with the idea of receiving Sha're as a gift, Daniel respected the Abydonian culture and had done his utmost to respect Sha're.   The fact that she actually did love and desire him had amazed the young archaeologist, and he had felt doubly blessed to return her feelings.

Daniel and Kasuf sat together for a long time.  The sky darkened and an endless panorama of stars winked into existence.   Daniel had always loved the clear, Abydonian nights and the sight never failed to move him.  He and Sha're had exchanged names of their respective constellations one night after they had made love under the stars.   Watching the night sky now, Daniel thought of his wife, and of Jack.  His first night back on Earth, Jack had taken him home.  Lost and bereft, Jack had talked to him, coaxing him out of his bereavement.   That night had culminated in a sojourn on Jack's roof watching the stars.  Countless similar nights had followed. He couldn't remember when he and Jack had last sat together on the roof under the stars.   Daniel vowed never to take those nights for granted again.

“You will not be staying.”

Daniel turned and gazed fondly at the silhouette beside him.  “No, Good Father.  I will always love Abydos and I will visit as often as I can, but my home...my home is on Earth.”

“At the SGC,” Kasuf smiled.

“For now,” Daniel laughed gently.

“Bring Colonel O'Neill with you next time.  We would love to see him again.”

“I will, and he will be honoured, I assure you.”

“It gladdens our hearts and our minds to know that you are out there protecting us, Good Son.  If we cannot have you here, we take great comfort in knowing you are out there,” he said waving to the stars.

“Thank you,” Daniel whispered, not trusting his voice.

“When will you leave?”

“After four more suns.”

“We will feast in your honour,” he said emphatically.

“No, please, that's not necessary.”

“Good Son, you know we like to party,” the old man smiled, a twinkle in his eyes.  “Do not take this away from us.  We will send you home in style.”

“Okay,” Daniel conceded, “but send me home sober.   I don't want to make a bad impression my first day back.”

“As you wish.  Come, we should go before they come looking for us.”

“All right.”  Daniel stood up fluidly and assisted Kasuf.   “Will you sit with me again before I leave?”

“With a joyful heart,” Kasuf replied, grasping Daniel's shoulders firmly.

                                    *************************

“Carter, Teal'c, come on in,” Jack said as he ushered his team-mates into his house.

“It's good to see you, sir,” Sam said sincerely.

“Good to see you too.  I've missed you guys,” he said, slapping Teal'c on the back.

“I brought you some wine,” Sam said holding up a bottle of red.

“Carter, you didn't have to do that,” he said taking the proffered bottle eagerly.

“And I have brought dessert,” Teal'c informed, holding out his offering.

“Chocolate pecan pie?  Daniel would kill for this,” he mused softly to himself.

Sam and Teal'c looked at each other knowingly.   Sam couldn't restrain herself and asked,

“You really miss him don't you, sir?”

The light in Jack's eyes as he looked at her spoke volumes and she felt close to tears.

“Can I get anyone a drink?”   Jack asked, declining to answer her question.

“Beer for me,” Sam said quickly,

“Water will be sufficient,” Teal'c added.

“Coming right up.  Make yourselves comfortable out on the deck,” Jack said as he disappeared into the kitchen.  “Take advantage of this weather while we can.”

Sam and Teal'c went outside where they were soon joined by Jack, bearing a tray of drinks and snacks.  

Jack held his bottle of beer up and said, “To Daniel's safe return and to the best damn team at the SGC or anywhere.”

They toasted enthusiastically and then Jack said, “Okay, Carter.  I know you're dying to know what I've been up to.”

Sam blushed and admitted, “Well, I can't help but wonder, sir.  You were pretty angry and depressed when you left and now you look so...so...”

“Happy?”  Jack offered.

“Yes, and–”

“Content.  At Peace,” Teal'c said.

“Yes, yes and yes,” Jack smiled.   “I did a lot of soul-searching and believe me, it wasn't all fun and games.”

 Jack took a healthy swig of beer and said softly, “I spent a lot of time with Charlie.”

Sam visibly started while Teal'c's left eyebrow rose a notch.  Neither could remember Charlie's name mentioned so casually.

“Relax, Carter.  I know Charlie's gone.  I was referring to his grave.”

Embarrassed, Sam began to stammer.   “Sir, I-I didn't mean to imply that-well-that–”

“I know what you meant,” Jack chuckled softly.   “Let's just say that I had a lot of things buried deep that finally saw the light of day.  But enough about me.  What have you guys been up to?”  Jack asked, leaning forward to grab a handful of chips.

Jack listened intently as they filled him in on their recent activities and the happenings at the SGC.   Sam did most of the talking while Teal'c did the observing.   Teal'c readily saw the easy relaxed manner of O'Neill but something was still on his friend's mind.   Something unresolved.   The somewhat furtive glances in Major Carter’s direction when she wasn’t looking were most intriguing.

“O'Neill,” Teal'c said suddenly.

“Teal'c?”

“Perhaps this would be an opportune time to show Major Carter your collection.”

“My collection?”

“A collection of what, sir?”   Sam asked with a spark of interest.

“I believe he keeps it in the den, do you not O'Neill?” he said pointedly, looking directly into Jack's eyes.   “While you are engaged otherwise I will remain here and listen to the birds,” he finished implacably.

“The birds, right.”  Sly bastard, Jack thought with amusement.   “Carter, care to join me?”   Jack said as he stood up.

“Sure, I'd love to.”

Sam entered the house first, allowing Jack to cast a friendly but traitorous look at Teal'c.  “At least you didn't say etchings,” he whispered.

Teal'c raised a quizzical eyebrow and Jack said, “Never mind, I'll explain later.”

Teal'c nodded gracefully, closed his eyes with a hint of a smile on his lips and listened to the birds.

Once inside the house Sam looked at Jack and said, “You don’t have a collection do you?”

“Uh-no, not really.  I think...no, I know what Teal’c meant.”

“He wants us to talk,” she said.

“Yeah.   Uh, Carter, sit down, please,” he said, gesturing to a chair.

Sam sat down and Jack started to pace, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.   He stopped, opened his mouth to speak, closed it and started pacing again.

“Sir, is this about us?” she asked, hazarding a guess.

“Us?”   Crap, don’t be an ass, Jack.   She’s giving you an opening.

Sam smiled knowingly but remained silent.  I’ll help you but I’ll be damned if I make it easy for you.

“Us,” he repeated.  “Yeah, it’s about...us.   You see, Carter, I haven’t exactly been honest with you,” he said nervously.

“About?”

“About...us,” Jack said, starting to sweat.  Oh crap, give me Apophis any day.

“Yes?”

“Well, it’s just that...I’ve been acting kind of...I may have given the impression that...you know...that maybe we could be...could be...” Jack gestured helplessly with his hands.

Sam looked placidly at Jack.  Okay, there’s the sweat.  Now, show me the blood.

“We could be what, sir?”

Oh, for crying out loud, Carter.   “Um, more than-uh-friends,” he mumbled.

“Oh, as in ‘I’d rather die than lose you?’” she said quietly.

God, kill me now.  Jack sat down with a heavy thud and scrubbed furiously at his hair.  “I meant that, Carter,” he said wearily, finally looking her in the eye.  “I would rather die than lose you.  Or Daniel.  Or Teal’c,” he confessed.

“So, you just let me believe that you had...feelings...for me.  Sexual feelings.”

Shit, Carter.  You don’t mix words, do you?  Jack lowered his eyes and nodded, the picture of misery.

Sam smiled inwardly.  Just a little more blood.   “You played me for a fool.”

“No!”   Jack cried, whipping his head up.   “God, no.  Carter, I did...I do find you attractive and I thought ‘Why not?   Why can’t I have a relationship with a beautiful, intelligent woman?  Why can’t I have a normal, healthy life?  To hell with saving the world time after time.  To hell with the Goa’uld.  To hell with the military and to hell with–” he stopped his litany and lowered his head.

“And to hell with Daniel?” she said gently.

Jack nodded glumly.  “Yeah, and to hell with Daniel and his goddamn ‘meaning of life’ crap.” 

Jack leaned back and rubbed his eyes.

  “I was so tired of all the bullshit, Carter.   The Asgard, the Tollan, the Tok’ra, our own military. Daniel fighting me every step of the way and always being right.   The lies and the subterfuge.    All of it.   I wanted...I wanted out.”

“I was a diversion,” Sam said softly.

Jack looked at her despairingly.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered helplessly.  “I never wanted to hurt you, Carter.  I swear to God.”

“I’m sorry too,” Sam said, “but relieved as well.  I love the military, Colonel.  It’s my life and as attractive as you are,” she said spreading her hands, “it would never have worked.”

“So, you’re okay with this?” he asked anxiously.

“I’m a little hurt and a little angry,” she said honestly, “but yeah, I’m okay.   I do have one favour to ask.”

“Anything,” Jack said sincerely.

“Tell Daniel.”

Jack held her gaze.  You mean, tell him why I’ve ignored him, bullied him and pushed him away?  In short, tell him why I’ve been such a fucking bastard?

  “I will.  I promise.”

“Good.   Well, sir, shall we go and join Teal’c and the birds?”

“Sounds like a damn fine plan,” Jack said, getting to his feet.

Sam rose and headed to the door.

“Carter?”

Sam turned around and found herself in a warm, wonderful embrace.   Jack tightened his arms and said quietly, “You’re a good friend.”

“So are you, sir,” she replied, squeezing back tears.

                                    ***********************

“Daniel Jackson returns tomorrow,” Teal’c stated.

“Thank God.   The colonel’s driving me nuts,” Sam said.  “For the past five days it’s been ‘Daniel-this and Daniel-that’.  I love Daniel but...”

“Indeed.   The litany of Daniel Jackson’s virtues has been most–”

“Nauseating?”   Sam suggested with a smile.

“Tiring,” Teal’c said diplomatically.

“Oh God, Teal’c.  What if Daniel doesn’t return?” she asked horrified.

“He will return.  Daniel Jackson does not lie,” Teal’c said emphatically.  “And if he does not return I will personally go to Abydos to retrieve him,” he added solemnly.

“Kicking and screaming?”  Sam laughed.

“If necessary.”

                                    ***********************

Jack put away the last of Daniel’s groceries and pulled out a beer for himself.   He twisted the cap off and took a deep swallow.  There wasn’t much in Daniel’s fridge at the best of times but Jack had been surprised to see the complete absence of perishable items a few days after Daniel had left.   He had asked Carter about it and she had confirmed that she hadn’t thrown anything out.   That only meant one thing to Jack.  Daniel’s sudden departure had not been ‘spur of the moment’.   Jack’s initial reaction was anger.   Anger at Daniel for not coming to him, for not confiding in him.  But, now that he had cleared his mind of all the needless crap he had been carrying he was left with a dull ache in his soul.  Daniel had needed his friendship and he had treated him as if he was nothing more than a royal pain in the ass.  Daniel had tried to talk to him and he had pushed him away.  Jack placed the cool bottle against his forehead.  Three months.  Three months on Abydos.  Three months of love, respect and friendship.  That’s what Daniel will be giving up to return here.  If he returns.

“Oh God, Danny.  Give me another chance,” Jack murmured.

The coolness of the bottle was starting to become uncomfortable.   Jack removed it from his forehead and took another long drink.  He walked into the living room and stood in front of the aquarium.

“Look alive, guys.  Daddy’s coming home tomorrow.”

Jack sprinkled in a few flakes and smiled as the fish ate greedily.   His eyes drifted to the aerator and the steady stream of bubbles.  Bubbles rising.   Flames.  Daniel screaming.

“Shit!”   Jack swore, wrenching his gaze from the tank.  “Damn it, it’s been over three years.  Three fucking years,” he muttered, rubbing the vision out of his mind.  Jack couldn’t accept Daniel’s absence then and he couldn’t accept it now.  Daniel would come back, at the very least, to say goodbye.

Jack finished his beer and took a last look around to make sure everything was clean and tidy in an orderly, chaotic way.  Satisfied that he had done what he could, Jack retrieved his empty bottle and left Daniel’s apartment.  A fridge full of food he probably won’t notice but one beer bottle on the counter.   Look out!

                                    ********************

“Colonel O’Neill?”

“Hmm?   Sorry, General,” Jack said abruptly, sitting up straight.  “Uh-what was the question...sir?” he asked uncomfortably.

“Colonel, we are all looking forward to Dr. Jackson’s return, and by God, son you better return, but we still have a job to do,” Hammond explained patiently.

“Yes, sir.   I’m aware of that,” Jack said, pausing to glare at Carter’s bemused expression.  She quickly averted her eyes and stared at her notes.

“All right, people,” Hammond conceded, “We can pursue this at another time.   Dismissed.”

Over the scraping of chairs, Hammond said clearly, “Colonel O’Neill, you may stay.”

Jack froze, half way out of his seat and said, “Ye-es, sir,” before sitting back down somewhat reluctantly.  He smiled grimly and clasped his hands together in an attempt to quell his restlessness.

Once they were alone Hammond sat back and watched his friend closely.

Jack shifted nervously and said, “I feel like a kid on Christmas morning.   You know, there’s that one present that you really, really want but you’re afraid you’re not going to get it?”

“Jack, what are you afraid of?” Hammond asked gently.

Jack looked up and met the concerned blue eyes of his commander.  He looked back down and cleared his throat.

“I’m afraid Daniel won’t stay, sir.”

“Why do you think that, son?”

Jack closed his eyes in an attempt to organize his whirling thoughts.   Why?  Why would he want to?  What’s here for him?   More shit and abuse?   He opened his eyes and grasped his empty coffee cup.

“Daniel joined us for one thing and one thing only,” Jack explained, turning the cup in his hands.

“To find his wife,” Hammond replied.

“Yeah.   Well, he found her and he buried her,” he said bitterly.  “Then he promised Sha’re that he’d find her son and to make sure he was safe.”

“Which he also did,” Hammond said, “and yet he’s still with us.   Why do you think that?”

Jack shook his head.  “I don’t know.   The excitement, I guess.   New cultures.   New languages.  That ‘meaning of life’ stuff.”

“I’m sure they all play a part, Colonel but don’t you think he stayed because he felt like he belonged here?  That this was his home now and we’re his family?”

Jack looked up, his eyes suspiciously bright.

“Son,” Hammond said sincerely, taking the cup from Jack’s nervous hands, “whatever’s happened between you and Dr. Jackson, you will fix it.  I’ve seen a lot of friendships in my time but I have never seen one as extraordinary as the one you and Dr. Jackson enjoy.   I know this last year has been difficult and I should have seen the signs but I firmly believe it will only make your relationship stronger.”

“I attacked him,” Jack said despairingly.

“Have faith, Colonel.  This is Daniel Jackson we’re talking about.”

“Yes, sir,” Jack smiled weakly.  “Thank you, sir.”

*************************

“Off-world activation!  Repeat, off-world activation!” the intercom announced amidst ringing klaxons.

Jack looked sharply at General Hammond who confirmed, “There are no teams due back today.”

Jack was at the door before he remembered he had yet to be dismissed.   He stopped and turned, visibly vibrating.   “Permission to–”

“Permission granted and I’m right behind you, Colonel,” Hammond smiled.

They hurried down the stairs to the control room.

“Sergeant?”   Hammond inquired.

“Incoming traveller,” he replied.

Jack waited impatiently.  Come on, come on.

“It’s SG-1, sir!”   Sgt. Davis said excitedly.

“Yes!”   Jack said under his breath as he sprinted into the gateroom.

“Open the iris,” Hammond ordered before quickly following his second.   He called back over his shoulder, “Keep everyone out of the gateroom except Major Carter and Teal’c!”

“Yes, sir!”

Hammond didn’t know what to expect but he knew a room full of people would not be what Colonel O’Neill and Dr. Jackson needed right now.

Jack stood behind the guards, rocking on the balls of his feet, eyes transfixed on the shimmering event horizon.  Jeez, Daniel.   What the hell’s taking you so long?   Then he was there.   Daniel.   He stepped through the gate dressed in his Abydonian robes, a pack slung over his shoulder.  Jack’s heart skipped a beat.  Oh God, he’s going back.  Crap, get a grip.    This is Daniel.  It’d be impolite to cast his robes aside for an SGC uniform.  Besides, he didn’t even take the freaking thing with him.   Relax.  Breathe.  He’s really here.

Daniel eyed Jack anxiously as he slowly came down the ramp.  God, he looks so nervous.  He looks scared.  Daniel stopped.   He hadn’t quite known what to expect.   Maybe something like a typical O’Neill ‘took your sweet time, didn’t you?’ or ‘well, it’s about time’ but not this.   Not this utter silence. This aura of fear.   He kept his eyes on Jack but he was aware of Hammond dismissing the guards and of Sam and Teal’c entering the room.

Jack stared.   He was at a loss as to what to do or to say. He took in the healthy, golden glow of Daniel’s tanned skin and the sun-bleached hair.  He looks great.  He looks...happy.   Jack realized with a jolt that Daniel had stopped.  He’s waiting.   Oh crap, what do I do?   What do I say?  

Sucking in a breath, Jack walked to the bottom of the ramp and said, “Hey.”   He was horrified.   Hey?  Hey?   That’s the best you could come up with?

Daniel shook his head fondly and came down the ramp, stopping in front of Jack.

“Hey yourself,” he said, as a slow smile spread across his face.

Jack didn’t remember moving but suddenly he had his arms wrapped around Daniel.   When he felt the younger man’s arms encircle him a muffled sob escaped his throat and his arms tightened with a desperate intensity.  Daniel returned the pressure and murmured, “I missed you, too.”

Teal’c looked down at the fingers of Major Carter digging mercilessly into his forearm.

“Major Carter,” he whispered firmly.

Sam looked up startled.  “What?   Oh, Teal’c, I’m sorry,” she said chagrined, releasing his arm.  “Isn’t it wonderful?” she enthused, nodding towards the two men.

“Indeed, it is a most gratifying sight,” Teal’c agreed, flexing his freed arm.

Jack reluctantly and self-consciously released his hold on Daniel.   He took a step back, his hands still clasping the young man’s shoulders.  His misty eyes gazed intently into Daniel’s before they were inexorably drawn to his throat.   Jack tentatively reached out a hand and gently pulled aside the collar of his robe.  He needed to see if his shame was still evident.

Daniel smiled sadly and grasped Jack’s hand, gently removing it.

Jack looked into the caring, blue eyes and swallowed hard.  “Danny,” he whispered.

“Let it go, Jack,” Daniel said softly.  “I have.”

There was so much Jack wanted to say and needed to say but he couldn’t speak.   Not now.  Not here.  Instead, he squeezed the hand still in his and slipped his other hand behind Daniel’s neck.

“Come on,” he said, shaking him fondly.  “If I don’t let Carter at you she’s going to bust a gut.”

Daniel laughed and then opened his arms to receive an armful of Sam.

“Oh God, Daniel, it’s so good to see you again,” she said fervently.

“It’s good to be home, Sam.  I missed you.   I missed all of you.”

“Daniel Jackson, I am most pleased to see you.”

“Thank you, Teal’c,” he said, shaking the Jaffa’s hand firmly.

“Welcome home, son,” General Hammond said, stepping in to take his turn.   “We certainly missed you around here.”

“Thank you, sir.  I’m ready to get back to work-um-if that’s all right,” he added hastily.

“Colonel?”

“Okay with me,” he shrugged.  “How ‘bout you guys?”

“I don’t have a problem,” Sam grinned.

“Nor do I,” Teal’c agreed.

Daniel blushed at the good-natured ribbing.

“Dr. Jackson, you can report for duty at 0900 tomorrow.  Take the rest of today to settle in,” Hammond said.

“Thank you, General.”

“Colonel O’Neill, see that Dr. Jackson gets home,” Hammond ordered before leaving a very happy SG-1.

“Yes, sir.”   Thank you, George.

“Well, I guess I’ll shower and change out of these,” Daniel said gesturing to his robes.   He looked up through bangs that needed cutting.  “Um, isn’t anyone going to say I stink?” he asked, looking expectantly at Jack.

Jack grinned and hugged him roughly.  “You could smell like warmed up rat shit, Danny boy and we’d still be glad to see you.   But if you’re really in a hurry to change don’t let us stop you,” he added quickly.

“That’s better,” Daniel murmured.  “Thought I was in an alternate reality for a second.”  He looked at his watch and said, “Shall we all meet for lunch in, say, forty minutes?”

Sam didn’t think she could wait that long but they all readily agreed.   While Sam and Teal’c reluctantly went back to their respective duties, Jack escorted Daniel to the showers, protecting the stunned archaeologist from the gauntlet of over-zealous well-wishers.   At last, they were in the relative safety of the locker room. 

Daniel sat down on the bench, exhausted.

“I guess they missed you,” Jack grinned, ruffling Daniel’s hair.

Daniel blushed and began to disrobe.

“Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it,” Jack said, gesturing to the shower room.

“I’ll see you at lunch,” Daniel smiled.

Jack nodded, turned to leave and then paused in the doorway.

“Daniel?”

Daniel looked up from untying his bootlaces.

“I’m really glad you’re home,” Jack said quietly.

Daniel smiled.  “So am I.”

Jack basked in the warmth of his friend’s smile and then blushed.  “I’ll-uh-go get us a good table.”

“See you there.”

“Okay.”   Jack left, shutting the door behind him.

Daniel stared thoughtfully at the door.  “I gave you one hell of a scare, didn’t I, Jack?” he murmured.   “Well, if it’s any consolation, you scared the hell out of me too.”

                                    ***********************

“Lunch was good,” Jack said casually as he and Daniel walked to the parking lot.

“Yes, it was,” Daniel said surprised.  “New chef or something?”

“Actually, yes,” Jack chuckled.  “Hammond’s last omelette had a less than desired effect on his digestive system.”

“The cook’s fault?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Ouch,” Daniel winced in sympathy.  “Where did he get sent to?”

“Culinary school,” Jack smiled.

Daniel laughed and Jack thought it was about the best damn thing he’d heard in a long, long time.

“Daniel, uh-listen,” Jack ventured.

“Yes, Jack?”

Jack looked at his friend’s inquiring gaze and his mind was cruelly assaulted by his memory of almost smashing his fist into that gentle face.

“Jack?”   Daniel said, his voice edged with concern.

“Huh?   Uh-yeah, right,” Jack said awkwardly.   “Daniel, we...I...need to talk about...about what happened.  About what’s been happening,” he amended.

Daniel studied the older man’s face, searching for answers to unasked questions.   This was a far different Jack from the one he had left three months ago.  He nodded and said, “Where would you–”

“Let’s go to your place,” Jack suggested quickly.  “We can go in my truck and I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning.”

“Sure, but I don’t have any food so we’ll have to–”

“It’s okay, we can order something.  Tomorrow we can do some shopping,” Jack said helpfully.

Inordinately pleased with Jack’s ‘we’, the younger man readily agreed.

“I can work with that.  I hate shopping and I really wasn’t looking forward to it,” he confessed, getting into the passenger seat.

Once seated, Daniel began an almost non-stop monologue on current affairs on Abydos and Jack relished every word.

“It’s so strange,” Daniel murmured suddenly.

“What is?”

“This,” he said gesturing outside.  “Here.   After Abydos.   Life here is so...different.”

A cold fear gripped Jack’s stomach and wouldn’t let go.  “You miss it,” he said, hearing the hollowness in his voice.

“It’s a part of me,” Daniel breathed softly.

Jack’s heart beat wildly.  Oh, God.   He is going to leave.

Daniel glanced sideways at his companion and noticed the telltale clenching of the jaw and the dry swallow of the throat.

“But I missed this more,” he added quietly.

Jack darted a quick look and saw the deeper meaning in the intense blue eyes.   He looked back at the road and swallowed hard.  “You mean...this?” he asked, indicating the two of them.

“Yeah.”

Jack gripped the steering wheel tighter and blinked back tears.  “Me too,” he said roughly.

Daniel smiled and stared out the window.  We’re going to be okay, Jack.  We just needed some time.

                                    ************************

Daniel unlocked his apartment and entered cautiously.

“Relax, Daniel.  The killer dust bunnies have been dealt with,” Jack teased.

Daniel blushed.  He knew his friends would never allow him to come back to a dirty apartment.

“Get me a beer, will ya?”  Jack asked, opening the balcony door to allow in the fresh air.

“Uh-sure,” Daniel replied hesitantly, wondering if he even had any beer.   He went into the kitchen and opened the fridge.  He stared, speechless.

Jack stepped up silently behind him.  “What’s the matter?  No beer?”

Daniel jumped and turned.   “Um-I-I don’t know.   There’s so much...food,” he said dazedly.

“I know how much you hate shopping,” Jack said, placing his hand lightly on Daniel’s shoulder.

“You-you did this?” he asked incredulously.

Stung by Daniel’s surprise, Jack shrugged and removed his hand.  “I had the time,” he said indifferently.

“What do I owe—” Daniel bit off his query when he saw the flash of pain in the older man’s eyes.

Open your eyes, Jackson.  He’s hurting and he’s trying to make amends.

Daniel looked back at the contents of his fridge and shook his head.   “This is incredible.  Thank you, Jack.  I’ve never had this much food at one time.”  He looked up at Jack, his eyes glistening.  “Really, Jack.  Thank you.”

“Any time,” Jack smiled, clasping the young man’s shoulder again.   “I thought we could make spaghetti tonight.”

“I take it I have everything we’ll need?”

“Yep, but first a beer?” he asked, feigning a parched throat.

“Uh-where—”

“Right there,” Jack said, pointing at the bottom shelf of the door.

“Oh, there’s only three,” Daniel said disappointed.  He knew Jack was good for at least four.

“Never fear,” Jack soothed.  “Come over here.”

Daniel followed and bent down to peer into the cupboard Jack opened.   He raised his eyebrows at the four cases of beer, which also happened to be Jack’s favourite brand.

“You know, for when I come to visit,” Jack said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable at his presumptuousness.

Daniel nodded placidly and pulled out a few bottles, looking at the rest thoughtfully.   He furrowed his brow slightly and looked up at Jack.  “Well, I can always buy more.”

Jack relaxed and laughed easily, taking the bottles from Daniel’s hand and returning to the fridge.  He took out two cold ones, removed their caps and handed one to Daniel.

“Thanks,” he said.

They retired to the living room and sat down, both waiting for the inevitable tension that would befall them.  When it did, they found themselves reaching simultaneously for their bottles.   They smiled sheepishly.   Daniel took a drink and sat back, wrapping his arms around his chest.

Jack took note of the defensive gesture and bit the inside of his cheek.   Time to face the music.

“I took a leave of absence.”

Daniel looked up, startled.

“Yeah, I had a lot to think about,” Jack explained, taking a drink.   “I visited Charlie.”

Daniel’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

Jack smiled.   “Yeah, actually I went a few times.   We did a lot of talking.   Well, I did.   Charlie listened.”

“Sha’re’s a good listener too,” Daniel said softly.

Jack nodded and looked down at the beer in his hand.  He looked up and said hoarsely, “The feather’s beautiful.   Thank you.”

Daniel ducked his head.  “I-I didn’t know if...you know…”

“Danny, never apologize for a gift from the heart.”

Daniel smiled shyly and toyed with his beer.

“I had no idea you were visiting his grave,” Jack said softly.

Daniel looked up and met Jack’s steady gaze.

“I knew you couldn’t,” he explained.

“Couldn’t; wouldn’t; afraid to;  all of the above,” Jack said hollowly.

“Jack,” Daniel said gently.

“It’s true, but it’s okay because I’ve made peace with my son.  I just-I just wish to God it hadn’t been at your expense.”

“Jack–”

“No, Daniel.   Hear me out, please.”

Daniel stared thoughtfully at his friend.  “I’m listening.”

Jack nodded, took another drink and cleared his throat.

“Okay.   First of all, I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for letting things get as bad as they did between us.”

“Jack, it’s not–” Daniel dutifully shut his mouth at Jack’s warning glance.

“It is my fault, Daniel and you know it.  I’ve been a miserable, selfish bastard this whole fucking year.   No one, and I mean no one, as suffered as much pain or loss as you have.  And where the hell was I?  Bitching about saving the world; chasing after Carter; buddying around with Teal’c.   And where were you?”

Daniel looked away, disconcerted by the dark gleam in his friend’s eyes.

“I’ll tell you,” Jack said quietly.  “You were here doing your job.  Covering my ass.   Saving civilizations and me from myself while I belittled and, worst of all, ignored you.   In the meantime, you lost Rothman, your mentor, and Sarah.   And I still wasn’t there for you.”

Daniel swung his gaze back to Jack, his eyes bright.  “Why weren’t you?” he asked softly.

Jack blinked.   The million-dollar question.   Daniel’s heartfelt question pierced his soul and he looked away guiltily.  “I’m going to need another drink.”

“I’ll get it,” Daniel said, standing up.

“Thanks,” Jack muttered.

Daniel looked down at the bowed, grey head and felt nothing but love for his friend.

“Jack.”

Jack looked up, looking as wretched and miserable as he felt.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Daniel said gently, “but if you need to hear it, I forgive you.”

Jack stared at his friend and tried to speak but couldn’t get around the lump in his throat.

Daniel saw the gratitude in the weary brown eyes and that was enough.   He went into the kitchen, giving Jack a little time alone.

Daniel returned with Jack’s beer and some nuts.

“I’m finding all sorts of goodies in my cupboards,” he smiled.

Jack blushed happily and accepted the beer.

“Look, Jack, we don’t have to talk about this now.  We have time,” Daniel offered.

“Do we?”   Jack asked anxiously.   “I mean, are you...you know...staying?   Here, on Earth, I mean.”

Daniel sat down and seriously pondered the question.

Jack’s gut clenched.  Oh, crap.   He’s taking too long to answer.   Shitshitshit.   I can’t lose you, Danny.  Jesus, don’t leave me.

“That’s why I went to Abydos, Jack,” he said carefully.  “I needed to know, in my heart, where I belonged.”   He looked into Jack’s eyes and the older man couldn’t look away if he tried. 

“Abydos will always be a part of me,” he said wistfully.  “I love it.  I love the people.  But ...it’s not enough,” he said regretfully.

“Without Sha’re,”Jack whispered.

Daniel dropped his head and shook it slowly.  When he looked up Jack saw a depth of emotion so intense in the blue eyes that he flinched.

“No, Jack,” Daniel whispered.  “Not even with Sha’re.”

Jack’s eyes widened in surprise and concern at the unexpected admission.

“Why do you think I unburied the Stargate?”  Daniel asked.  “When I found the map room I needed more.  I needed answers.   When I saw that Kleenex box come through I literally whooped with joy.”  Daniel grinned, his eyes twinkling at the memory.  “The thought of seeing you again.  I thought about you a lot, Jack and I worried about you.   I didn’t even know if you were alive.   But who else would send a stupid box of Kleenex to another planet?”

Jack felt the tightness in his chest again and the telltale sting of tears in his eyes.

“Then when I saw you...”

“I acted like a prick,” Jack said flatly.

“Well, let’s just say it didn’t go like I had envisioned,” Daniel said graciously.

“I was a prick,” Jack reiterated.

“Okay, you were a prick,” Daniel laughed.

“And I’ve been one for five freakin’ years.”

“Ah, but you’re the best damned prick I know.”

Jack shifted uncomfortably at the ambiguous praise.

“What I’m trying to say, Jack is that my life is here, with the SGC, with you and SG-1.”

Jack’s eyes lit up with relief and joy.  “I thought that...you know...”

“May not have come back?”

“No one would have blamed you, least of all me.”

“Well, I won’t say I didn’t consider it but, my God, Jack, the things we do, the things we’ve seen.  You’ve got to admit, we have pretty incredible jobs.”

“Thanks to one pretty incredible archaeologist,” Jack said warmly.

Daniel felt his cheeks redden and he ducked his head, studying the bottle in his hand.

“Never think otherwise, Danny,” Jack said quietly.

Daniel glanced up and smiled appreciatively.

“Okay,” Jack said, taking another sip of beer.  “I think we got a little off track.”

Daniel sat back and waited for Jack to collect his thoughts.  He knew how much his friend hated spilling his guts.   Hell, he was no fan of it either but he was prepared to give Jack all the time he needed.

“Where to begin,” Jack murmured to himself.

“We left you behind on Edora,” Daniel suggested.  “Maybe you were angry–”

“No, Danny,” Jack said fondly.  “I never blamed you, honest to God.  I’ve blamed you for a lot of things but never that.  Aw hell, you don’t still blame yourself for that, do you?”   Jack asked incredulously.

Daniel shrugged and took a sip of beer.

 “Maybe it played a part,” Jack admitted, “being separated from everyone I knew and loved.  Maybe it hardened me and I didn’t want to get close to anyone.   But I think it really started with the Tollan and that whole stolen technology thing.  I never forgave them for forcing me to lie to you and the others.”

“You felt used.”

“Damn right, I felt used,” Jack said bitterly.  “Then Thor comes along, hauls me up to his ship insisting that I help the Asgard.”

“And Earth,” Daniel reminded gently.

“Earth too,” Jack conceded.  “Then there’s the Tok’ra.  Except for Jacob, I could happily live my life without ever having to deal with them again.   I felt like a bloody pawn on an intergalactic board game.  Placed here and there, not really having a say in anything.   I hate being used, Daniel.”

Jack took another sip and glanced at Daniel. “Then there was you,” he said quietly.

“I almost got you killed,” Daniel admitted.

“What?”

“I sent you back to fight the Replicators.”

“Daniel, you didn’t send me and besides, I really didn’t have a choice.   I thought we talked about that?”

Daniel shrugged and looked away.

Damn, I should’ve known he wouldn’t forgive himself that easily.

“Hell, Daniel, you’ve been the only constant in my life.  You get knocked down again and again.  Sometimes by me,” he added regretfully.  “But you always get back up.  You stare the enemy, including me, in the face and do the right thing.”

Daniel looked doubtfully at Jack but was definitely listening.

“You were right about Alar; that wasn’t our battle.  The Enkarans are on their original home world.  The Gadmeer are alive and kicking.  Hell, even Lotan has a life.  All thanks to you, Daniel.”

“Jack, you—”

“Did my best to thwart you every step of the way,” Jack interrupted.   “I know what I did, Daniel.  I’ve accepted it and I hope to hell I’ve learned from it.”  

Jack looked down at the floor, clenching the bottle between his hands.   He looked up and said, “You do what your heart and conscience tell you to do and to hell with orders.  I don’t have that option and well, sometimes I resented you.   Then when that damn Unas dragged you off I thought, ‘Here’s my chance.  Daniel needs me to pull his ass out of this one’.  But what happens?  I kill your friend and you make friends with the Unas for God’s sake.   No one but Daniel Jackson could do that,” Jack said, a hint of pride in his voice.  “Then the next think I know you’re off battling a new Goa’uld while I’m off fishing and refusing to talk to you.”

“That one didn’t turn out so well either,” Daniel said, a haunted look marring his features.

“Not from my end, that’s for damn sure.  You got out of that mess all on your own and while your brain was being fried.   I should’ve been there for you, Daniel and I wasn’t.  Not by a long shot.   Too busy feeling sorry for myself.   Carter was giving me the brush-off.   Thank God one of us had working brain cells.”

“So, um, you and Sam, you’re-uh—”

“Teammates.   Nothing more,” Jack said assuredly.   “Some stupid macho part of me thought that maybe I could have a normal relationship with a woman.   She was also a...diversion,” he said with self-loathing.

Daniel studied Jack intently and nodded in understanding.

“You couldn’t deal with me,” he said softly.  “You were so angry at times that even the sight of me...sickened you.”

Jack heard the sorrow in the words and it broke his heart but he wasn’t going to lie to his friend.  Not again.   Not ever.

“Danny, I am so sorry.  I’m ashamed to admit it but I really wanted to see you fall flat on your face.   Just once.  Then I could tell myself you still...needed me.  But you never did.”  Crap, I sound so pathetic.

“Jack?” Daniel said in dismay.  “You don’t think that I need you?  You think I could do this without you?  That I’d even want to?”

“What the hell use have I been?”  Jack asked despondently.

“What the hell use?  Okay, time-out,” Daniel said, waving his hands in agitation.  He stood up and began to pace.  He stopped, looked like he was about to say something, shook his head and continued pacing.

“Daniel, you’re making me nervous.  Could you sit down or something?”

“I think I need another drink now,” Daniel said in exasperation.

“Well, maybe you should make it a coffee.  I don’t want your blood ending up in the spaghetti sauce.”

“Beer’s nothing,” Daniel scoffed.  “Wait till you taste Kasuf’s latest brew.  I brought some back especially for you.”

“Thanks...I think.”

Daniel went into the kitchen to make the coffee and to give them both some breathing space.   Daniel was shocked, to say the least, at Jack’s confession.  He makes me sound like some damn superman.

Jack took the opportunity to go to the bathroom to relieve himself and to splash cold water onto his face.  He gazed at his reflection in the mirror.  Grey, haggard and afraid.  Afraid of losing the one bright light in his life since Charlie’s was extinguished.   Jack had never thought of himself as being needy and he hated this new found revelation.  He was a colonel in the United States Air Force.   He had years of Special Ops for God’s sake.  He wasn’t supposed to ‘need’ anyone or anything.

“Jack, are you okay?”  Daniel’s concerned voice called through the door.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Be right out.”   Jack splashed more water on his face and scrubbed it vigorously with a towel.  Get a grip, Colonel.

Jack returned to the living room where Daniel was thoughtfully sipping his coffee.

Crap, how long was I in there?  “Got some more of that?”   Jack asked, gesturing at the coffee.

“I brewed a fresh pot,” Daniel said, bolting out of his seat.  “I’ll get you some.”

“It’s okay,” Jack said, placing a restraining hand on Daniel’s shoulder.   “I’ll get it.”

Daniel sank back onto the couch, Jack’s hand heavy and comforting on his shoulder.   God, Jack, I’ve missed you.

Their eyes locked, silent messages travelling back and forth.  Jack smiled and squeezed

Daniel’s shoulder.

“Want me to top that up?”

“Thanks,” he said, handing his mug to Jack.

“Back in a sec.”

When Jack came back Daniel was leaning forward, hands lightly clasped together, elbows resting on his knees.

Jack was relieved to see the relaxed demeanour and not the tense defensive arm-hugging of a stressed Daniel Jackson.

Daniel smiled easily as he accepted his coffee.

“So,” Daniel said.

“So,” Jack replied.

“About this ‘need’ stuff,” Daniel prompted.

Jack inhaled deeply and said, “Yeah, well, when I first met you–”

“I was a geek and a dweeb.”

Jack frowned and said, “No, you were...naive.”

Daniel smiled and accepted the description.

“But you had guts.  In fact, you had so much guts that I thought that maybe you were a bit thick.”

“Thick?”   Daniel asked, raising his eyebrows.

“In a good way,” Jack said defensively.

“Ah, the naive thing again?”

“Yeah, but you weren’t thick.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.  Now, shut up, please.”

“Sorry,” Daniel smiled, motioning to Jack to continue.

“You had courage, honour, integrity, and a whole lot of smarts.  Frankly, I was in awe of you.  The Abydonians sensed it right away and when I saw you a year later I was...jealous.”

“Jealous?”   Daniel asked, genuinely shocked.

“Jealous,” Jack said uncomfortably.  “You were a part of something that I never could be.  You belonged.  You had something that I had lost.  Something that I had forfeited.   You had a life, Daniel.”

Jack couldn’t miss the shadow of pain in Daniel’s eyes as his mind automatically returned to that time and the reminder of what he had lost.

“When you told the boys to bury the ‘gate,” Jack said, struggling for words.   “God, Daniel, they couldn’t get enough of you.  I watched them all touch you and you in turn touch them and I remember thinking, ‘Wow, this guy is special’.”

“Jack, I’m not—”

“You are ‘Daniel Jackson’,” Jack said firmly, “and that says a hell of a lot.”   Jack looked away and then smiled.   He looked back and said, “Anyway, when you came back to Earth, literally, you looked so...lost.”

“I was,” Daniel said softly.  “I’d never felt so helpless or sick at heart.  Not since my parents died.”

“I felt kind of responsible for ripping you from your home and your life.   You needed help and I thought I could help.  I wanted to help.”

“You did, Jack.  You have and you still do,” he said earnestly.

“Do I, Daniel?  I mean, really?”  

“God, Jack,” Daniel said flustered.  “I don’t know where to begin.”

“Daniel,” Jack said quietly, “when you came here four years ago you knew nothing about combat survival.  You were a ‘babe in the woods’.  But now there’s not an SG team on base that wouldn’t give up a month’s ration to have you on their team.”

“I only want to be on one team, Jack and that’s yours,” Daniel said seriously.   “God, I hate it when Hammond assigns me to other teams.  I know you have to approve the transfers.  It makes me feel, I don’t know, unwanted or something.  There’s been so much of it this last year and I felt like…like I was losing you.  Losing my place.   God, how needy does that sound?” he added self-consciously.

Jack swallowed hard.  He didn’t know whether to feel elated or like a first-class asshole.

“I-I thought you enjoyed working with other teams?”

“I do my job, Jack.  I won’t lie and say the field work hasn’t been stimulating but it’s not the same.   They’re not SG-1.  What’s worse, whenever I came back you, Teal’c and Sam all seemed a little…closer.   I felt like I was missing something.   I was out of the loop.   Hell, Jack, you never invited me to go fishing,” he accused with a tentative smile.

“I did,” Jack said defensively.

“Once, Jack and I had just had my appendix out,” Daniel chastised.   “I was a pretty safe bet.”

“Yeah, well…”

“To be honest, Jack, there’ve been times when I thought you didn’t even want me back.   You know, ‘it’s always the same damn thing’,” he confided sadly.

“Jesus, Daniel,” Jack whispered, the words piercing his heart.  Jack couldn’t look at Daniel, his hurtful words coming back to haunt him.  In fact, he couldn’t even stay in the same room; he was too ashamed.  He abruptly stood and escaped to the balcony.

Daniel watched sympathetically as Jack left the room.  He wanted to reach out to his friend but he knew Jack had to do the reaching.  Resigned, he waited patiently for Jack to return.  It was all he could do.

Jack leaned heavily on the railing and stared out at the world.   He lowered his head, squeezing back the tears.   There were no answers for him out here.   No absolution.   Everything he wanted, everything he needed was inside.   Waiting.  He just had to ask.

Daniel looked up uncertainly as Jack came back into the room.

Jack glanced at the gentle blue eyes and smiled sheepishly.

“Looks like rain,” he said, sitting down.

“We’re about due.”

“Yeah.”

Daniel gazed intently at the older man.  Come on, Jack.  Tell me what you want.   Tell me what you need.

As if sensing Daniel’s unspoken thoughts, Jack looked up sharply, the words on the tip of his tongue.  He shook his head and looked down at the floor.

“Tell me what you want, Jack,” Daniel urged quietly.

Jack looked up and searched his friend’s face.

“I want—”.   The words stuck in his throat.   How could he articulate what he wanted?   He wanted Daniel’s friendship; his love; his strength; his courage; his intellect; his wonderment, and his unflagging determination to do the right thing.  He wanted to know that Daniel would always be there to watch his back and to help him when it all became too much.

“Tell me, Jack,” Daniel whispered, leaning forward.

Jack’s throat tightened and his chest constricted with emotion.   He looked Daniel in the eye and said softly, “I want us.”

Jack barely heard the words himself and he wondered if Daniel had even heard.   He kept his eyes riveted on Daniel.   He saw the blue eyes brighten and a slow smile spread across the gentle features, rivalling any sunrise.

“Good answer,” Daniel said softly, a full-fledged grin on his face.

Jack dropped his head forward, utterly spent.  His vision blurred and his eyes stung.  He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.   In spite of his efforts, the tears escaped and he muttered ruefully, “Guess I’m chopping the onions seeing as I’ve already got a head start.”

“Well, we might as well do them together,” Daniel chuckled.

Jack looked up and saw the dampened cheeks of his friend.

“God, we make quite the team, don’t we?” he asked ruefully.

“The best, I always thought,” Daniel replied solemnly.

Jack gazed into the serious blue eyes and couldn’t agree more.  He reached out and placed his hand gently on the side of Daniel’s face, tapping it lightly.

“Yeah,” he smiled, “the best.”

Daniel blushed happily and Jack sat back and said, “So, what’d ya bring me?   Besides Kasuf’s   hooch, I mean.”

“What makes you think I brought you anything?”

“You have to.   It’s in the rules.”

“What rules?”   Daniel asked suspiciously.

“Air Force regulations.  Section something, subsection, yadda, yadda.  Any team member off base for personal reasons for more than two weeks has to buy their CO a gift,” Jack declared exuberantly.

“I’m a civilian.”

“Even better,” Jack said happily.  “Civilians get paid more and have to bring two gifts.”

“What about a CO who’s off base for more than two weeks for personal reasons?”   Daniel countered.   “Seems to me you have to bring everyone a gift and at least two for civilians.”

Jack stared, frowned and said, “So, what’d you bring me?”

“Besides the hooch?”  Daniel asked resignedly.

“Yeah,” Jack said eagerly.

“Me,” Daniel said simply, a hesitant small smile tugging at his lips.

Jack stared at his young friend and felt his insides go to mush.

“Aw, Jeez,” he said, getting up and heading to the kitchen, “where are those damn onions?”

Daniel grinned and sat back contentedly.  “Time heals all wounds, Jack,” he murmured.

“Do I have to do everything in here?”  Jack groused loudly, rattling pots and pans to make his point.

Daniel laughed and drained his coffee before joining his noisy friend in the kitchen.   There wasn’t a minute to waste, and by the sounds of it, Jack wasn’t going to give him a minute’s peace.   That was just fine with Daniel.   He was home.   Jack was here.  They were together.  He couldn’t ask for more.

This story first appeared in Foundations 1.

January 22, 2004 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.