Wait for me, and I'll return
Only wait very hard . . .
Wait. For I'll return, defying every death.
And let those who do not wait, say that I was lucky.
They never will understand that in the midst of death,
You with your waiting saved me.
Only you and I know how I survived.
It's because you waited, as no one else did.
by Konstantin Simonov
I'm tired, Jack.
So damn tired...
My skin aches like it's stretched too tight over my bones. Can't feel much of anything else.
Isn't that funny, Jack? If you were here, you'd be laughing. Then again, if you were here I wouldn't be feeling this alone.
I don't think I can fight like this anymore. I'm not so sure I want to. I'd cry if I thought it would help, but then I know I'd just feel pathetic for crying alone in the dark.
My body is pretty banged up, but after three days alone down here I feel like my soul is ready to shatter...
I'm hanging on.
Barely.
And you know the worst thing about all this Jack? I know it, but I can't stop it.
I lost the feeling in my legs a few hours ago, might just be the cold, hope so. My chest hurts, lungs aren't worth crap, as you'd say. Man, you're gonna be so pissed when you see the mess I've gotten myself into this time.
"Sorry, Jack..."
I've been hearing your voice a lot down here. Telling me to hang on, not to give up, things aren't as bad as they seem. Jack O'Neill: optimist with a ready cliché.
But things are pretty damn bad, Jack.
I won't give up...you know I won't. Hard though...
Getting hard to remember the sunlight, the sound of the wind, the voice of a friend. Even if the voice is you at your most obnoxious telling me how lucky I am you don't pop me right in the nose for having the gall to disagree with you. That's okay though, I know you don't really mean it. You don't, do you?
No, most of the time I know you don't, but we have had our moments. Especially lately, it seems.
I know you enjoy having someone around who won't let you get away with sloppy logic, careless thinking, but I also know there are more times recently when we've pushed the limits with each other.
Shut up, Daniel. That plain enough for you?
Always the same damn thing.
Those hurt, I'll admit.
You apologized and I really do believe you meant it, but it's hard sometimes to forget. Laying here in the dark it's hard not to think about...things. I' m not some insecure kid who needs his feelings pampered but those words cut into the foundation a little, Jack. Sorry.
I like to think most of the time you still don't mind me doing my job, performing my function. I know you'd have ditched me a long time ago if you didn't - with or without Sha're or Shifu to consider. I also realize I have a problem monitoring my own mouth sometimes, but I still believe you really do understand...maybe better than anyone else ever has. You know, sometimes even better than I do, why I do it. You don't always like it, but after all's said and done you understand.
You may not like it, but you do understand and that means more to me than I could ever tell you.
Even with all the crap we've been through, I never had a friend like you before, Jack, and I can't believe I'm lying here in the dark saying goodbye...
It's so cold....didn't seem this cold last night.
Hypothermia, you think? More and more of me seems to be freezing up with every passing hour, and I'm getting closer and closer to not caring. That's the most frightening thing of all. I'd never admit it out loud; I learned a long time ago how to keep my mouth shut and tough things out, but inside...
Have you ever been afraid like this, Jack?
I'm betting 'yes'. You cover it well but every once in a while I can see it in your eyes. I don't think anyone else notices, it's just...
I know you too, Jack. As warped a concept as that is, especially in light of this past year, I still know you. All the looks, all the quirking eyebrows, all the little shrugs. They tell their own story. I won't say I'm an expert in Jack-speak - hell, the mess with Maybourne proved that - but even then I was still pretty damn sure something wasn't right. Your words said one thing, your eyes and your body language said something else. For a few minutes there you were the bastard I met before we ever went to Abydos – did I ever tell you how much I hated him? - and down deep I knew he'd died about the same time I did for the first time. Guess I'm still learning how to read you, but I knew enough not to want to say goodbye.
Might not get the chance now.
It hurts, Jack.
Where the hell are you?
According to my Air Force issue LED watch, it's been three days.
I'm trying not to think about the possibility that you guys might have already died in the same tremor that dropped me down here. That you may have already given up on me. No hurry or anything, just dig up what's left and bring it back in a body bag.
Dig up the archaeologist...you'd definitely laugh at that one, Jack.
God.
Can't think like that. It's hard enough to hold on without letting my imagination run wild with maybes.
You need to hurry though, okay, Jack? I won't give up, you know I won't. I'll wait as long as I can.
Just...hurry.
It's so cold.
*************
Where the hell are you, Daniel?
I know you aren't dead. Don't know how, don't care how - I just do.
But this is taking too damn long.
Carter got hurt in the quake, but she came back today with her arm in a sling and her fancy doodads to try and help. SG5, SG7, and SG11, all here to help find you. Siler and his crew are working overtime. General Hammond came offworld today too, if you can believe that. All for you, big guy. No one wants to believe you're gone, no one is giving up.
So...don't.
It's hard to hang on to hope with every hour that passes with no sign of you in all this rubble. I'm surprised Hammond is still letting us look.
Bet you're hungry by now. Tired. No caffeine for three days, you must be running on fumes. Sorry, that was a bad one.
You're probably out of water by now, too. That's the one that will get you, I've told you that, right? To ration water like gold? Even assuming you managed to hang on to your canteen, it has to be gone by now.
It's colder than hell tonight. Your body is probably shutting down a little at a time. Been there once too often myself. You start feeling the cold, you start to not care, then you go to sleep not expecting to wake up again...
You can't sleep, Daniel. Not now. Stay awake and fight. We'll find you, no way we can't with this crew working on it. You just have to hang on until we get there.
You hear me, Daniel?
Hang on.
I know I haven't given you a lot of reasons to want to listen to me lately, but I swear I wouldn't steer you wrong on this.
We're gonna take some time off after this is over, get away and get things back on track. Damned if I know just when and where we went off it, but I swear to God we'll get it back.
You know, it took me a long time to figure out just what you meant out on that balcony. A lot longer than it should have. That damn light may have blown everything out of proportion, but even I clued in that what we were feeling was under the influence was real...just more. I've been trying ever since to make it right, work harder at it. There just hasn't been enough time. We need more time, Daniel. That's all, more time.
You just have to hang in there, buddy. Wait for me, okay?
Siler's shouting, they've found something.
Hole in the floor under where we last saw you. So deep flashlights barely cut the darkness. Can't see a damn thing. Come on, Daniel, give me a clue here...
I run my light back and forth across the floor while Siler does something behind me. Nothing but dust and debris down there, it's just too dark. And then it isn't. Siler's got one of the fixtures off the lighting array, cord wrapped around his shoulder. Big halogen thing on a rope. Good going there, Sparky.
He drops it down and now it's almost too bright, hard to see for the glare...
There!
Siler's pointing and grinning, I can see your hand over your head - about all I can see of you - but you've got your glasses waving at us in tired circles that catch the light.
You're a smart boy, I always said so. Maybe not where you could hear me, but I really did.
Bet the light hurts your eyes about now, doesn't it? I remember that part too - how your eyes forget how to see in the light for a while. It'll pass, but it's gonna hurt like a mother until it does.
Someone's finally brought rope and gear, about damn time.
Just hang on, Daniel; I'm coming down. No way I'm letting anyone else do it. I lost you; I'm bringing you back. Teal'c and Siler let me down slowly. I keep talking to you but you aren't answering. I've been watching your glasses on the way down, just tiny movements now, so small I begin to wonder if I'm imagining it.
You've got to be okay, Daniel, you hear me? If you never follow another damnable order I give you, listen to this one. Just hang on.
My feet finally touch the ground, then I'm unclipped and picking my way over the debris to get to you. You look like...
"Look like hell, Jack."
I can barely hear you, but those four words are about the sweetest sound I've heard in a long time. You really do look like shit., but it doesn't matter. Just looking at you squinting past the light, bruised and filthy, legs pinned under a pile of rock we're gonna need a crew down here to remove, is enough. You're alive. That's the only thing that matters right now.
I grin at you and direct my light away from you so you can see without so much pain. "You look...pretty damn good."
"I do?" You do that eyebrow thing you do when you're too tired to think straight and I have to laugh a little.
"Yeah..." No need to say anything else, I know you know.
Fraiser is on her way down. She'll get you squared away, stabilized so we can get you the hell out of here. Get you home where you belong. You made it this far, you'll make it the rest of the way.
You waited, Daniel, just like I knew you would, just like you always do. And whatever happens from here, you have my word I won't forget it again.
Fin
Wait for me
by Konstantin Simonov
Wait for me, and I'll return
Only wait very hard
Wait when you are filled with sorrow...
Wait in the sweltering heat
Wait when the others have stopped waiting,
Forgetting their yesterdays.
Wait even when from afar no letters come to you
Wait even when others are tired of waiting...
And when friends sit around the fire,
Drinking to my memory,
Wait, and do not hurry to drink to my memory too.
Wait. For I'll return,defying every death.
And let those who do not wait say that I was lucky.
They will never understand that in the midst of death,
You with your waiting saved me.
Only you and I know how I survived.
It's because you waited, as no one else did
Notes: I found this story while searching my files this morning. It's not on the website so I don't think it was ever posted...Apologies if so. Can't even remember which zine it was in, probably one of the Foundations, for which you can thank Yum@ that it exists...if so moved. ;)
© October 2004 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.