Teal'c was brought out of his mediation by a soft knock on his door. Though he no longer required Kel-no-reem since the loss of his symbiote, he still continued as he enjoyed the feeling of total calmness he was able to achieve.
"Enter," he commanded then smiled slightly as the door opened and the identity of his late night visitor was revealed.
"Am I interrupting?" DanielJackson asked softly as he stuck his head around the open door.
"No," Teal'c answered.
"May I join you?" DanielJackson asked, still not sure of his welcome. This hesitation in his manner new since he had descended and Teal'c surmised it was due partially to gaps still in his memory. Teal'c looked forward to a time when DanielJackson would once again feel confident in his welcome.
"I would be honored," Teal'c said with a bow of his head. His young friend entered, closing the door behind him before moving to sit on the floor opposite Teal'c, fidgeting until he was comfortable. "How are you, DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked.
DanielJackson sighed, the intense blue eyes rising to meet Teal'c's. "It's hard Teal'c," he admitted. "I still feel . . . adrift."
"It will take time for you to regain your place here among the Tau'ri." Teal'c announced. He had watched the scholar move around the base over the past three months and noticed his continuing discomfort and unease. DanielJackson and O'Neill had still failed to reconnect and Teal'c believed that, until they did, DanielJackson would not feel truly home. "There is still much you do not remember. You must be patient."
Teal'c watched his friend nod, a peaceful expression settling on those mobile features as the blue eyes closed, accompanied by an audible sigh. Teal'c had missed this, missed the close companionship he and DanielJackson had in the past when they meditated together. Though Teal'c had understood his friend's reasons for choosing ascension over possible life long disability from the radiation poisoning, he had missed him more then he had believed possible. DanielJackson had become such an important part of Teal'c life, one among the few that Teal'c truly loved.
Teal'c allowed his own eyes to close and his breathing to deepen, his thoughts devoted to the man opposite him.
Upon first meeting DanielJackson in Apophis' dungeon Teal'c had been far from impressed. His sudden unexpected appeal to the Goa'uld to be a host was alarming. Teal'c had already decided O'Neill was a fellow warrior and therefore worthy of respect but the bespectacled human was too emotional. At the time Teal'c had pondered O'Neill's reasons for allowing him to be in his company.
It was not until after their escape Teal'c had learned the reason for DanielJackson's desperation. The woman, now Apophis' Queen after being chosen by Teal'c, was the young Tau'ri's wife. This memory still brought deep sadness to Teal'c - he had been instrumental in inflicting so much pain upon this young man.
During his interrogation upon his arrival on Earth, Teal'c had not held back the information of his part in Sha'ri's current predicament from his captors and potential allies. Teal'c was an honorable man and volunteered the information freely.
To his surprise O'Neill had still requested Teal'c's presence in SG-1 to serve alongside MajorCarter and DanielJackson. While the archaeologist seemed to understand Teal'c's explanation as to why he had chosen Sha'ri there had nevertheless been a vast distance between them, which was as Teal'c had expected.
In the early days Teal'c was so consumed with learning all he could of his new home and people, the attitude of one small Tau'ri was of no concern to him. Though, because of his actions in regard to Sha'ri, Teal'c had silently vowed to guard DanielJackson, sometimes from his own reckless actions.
Teal'c had felt immense isolation during his first few months here on Earth. He was not allowed to leave the base and it seemed his only human contact was with his team, Dr. Fraiser and General Hammond. Of his team, strangely it was DanielJackson who understood his loneliness and had come to garner Teal'c's assistance with translations. Eventually they had begun to meditate together.
From the beginning Teal'c made no secret of the fact that his ultimate goal was freedom for his people, he would do whatever it took to accomplish this objective. DanielJackson showed his understanding of Teal'c's quest; having witnessed for himself the Abydonians' battle for freedom from the oppression of their God. The Jaffa warrior and the Tau'ri scholar had spent many hours in discussion, which brought them closer to understanding each other.
For a long time Teal'c had allowed his first impression of DanielJackson to cloud his view, pigeonholing the archaeologist unfairly. Time and time again the young man had shown his bravery. Though at other times, his lack of common sense, especially with regards to his own safety, tried Teal'c's patience.
Teal'c was over one hundred years old and had seen and done much in the service of his god during that time. Compared to him, DanielJackson was a child and Teal'c began to view his actions with tolerance learned from the expanse of years and experience.
Over the next two years Teal'c witnessed many aspects of the young man's personality and was impressed by them, the passionate defense during the Cor'ai, destroying Thor's hammer with Teal'c's staff weapon, his tenaciousness of spirit as he'd worked tirelessly to find his friends and teammates when O'Neill and MajorCarter had been trapped in Antarctica.
When the Abydonians unburied their Stargate one year after Sha'ri and Skaara had been taken, Teal'c had been surprised and pleased DanielJackson told O'Neill that he couldn't be safer than in the company of Teal'c. It was another step forward in their relationship and was very satisfying to Teal'c.
That time was another of deep anguish for DanielJackson. Teal'c had been exasperated with the young man's attitude at the time but, after their safe arrival back on Earth, he had mentally placed himself into DanielJackson's position to determine how he would have handled the situation and his admiration for the other man increased yet again.
Teal'c had found himself growing closer and closer to the young man. O'Neill was his commanding officer and Teal'c, through long training, tried to keep a respectful distance. O'Neill often breached this distance in unexpected ways, causing Teal'c much bewilderment until he'd learnt to understand some of the obscure humor.
MajorCarter, on the other hand, besides being a woman, was very intelligent, and though he held her in high regard, Teal'c found it difficult to relate to her, though he felt he was better able to understand her than O'Neill.
DanielJackson, though . . . . in some ways they were more alike than Teal'c had first realized or wanted to acknowledge. Both had family and loved ones living off Earth, both isolated here initially because they were not in the Air Force and therefore not fully trusted, both had quests to follow and could have tunnel vision in chasing those goals.
Teal'c felt himself drawing more towards DanielJackson, even confiding in him without reserve during the Asguard brokered Protected Planet's treaty when he related his father's death and revenge pledge.
This closer understanding between them made Teal'c's failure with Machello's device all the more inexcusable. He knew how mentally strong his young friend was but he had allowed himself to be swayed by the medical personnel of the base, allowed himself to be convinced that DanielJackson was indeed losing his mind.
When they had finally gotten DanielJackson back the bewildered young man held himself apart - his trust in his teammates and friends had been sorely tested. Teal'c felt great shame, he had vowed to protect this young man and once again DanielJackson had been in peril. It was only through his own strong will that he managed to fight his way free and, in doing so, had saved Teal'c.
Teal'c's eyes snapped open as he remembered what had occurred next. He sighed, as he contemplated one of the most difficult periods of his life. He had been forced to terminate the life of Sha'ri to save a life he now valued higher than his own. He felt he had so nearly destroyed the scholar and had approached him to offer his own life in exchange, as was fitting. He could still remember the look in DanielJackson's eyes that day. So tortured and lost that Teal'c's heart cried out in sympathy.
It was then DanielJackson had quietly explained the dream Sha'ri had sent him through the ribbon device and, though Teal'c had never heard of this before, he nonetheless gave his friend his total support in the search for the Harcesis child. DanielJackson had stressed then how his wife had asked him to forgive Teal'c and he had vowed to do this. Teal'c was awed once again by DanielJackson's strength of character.
Over the next few months DanielJackson pulled away from his team, grieving for the loss of his wife in solitude. Teal'c was unable to penetrate the carefully erected barrier and was unwilling to push, given the circumstances. He watched MajorCarter overcome her initial hesitancy to fully embrace the young man and bring him back to them over the time O'Neill was stuck on Edora.
Teal'c had always watched but had never truly understood the close relationship DanielJackson enjoyed with O'Neill. They were very different yet seemed to compliment each other's strengths and weaknesses. To see that bond damaged during O'Neill's NID charade and the effect it had on the team was disheartening. The clash on Euronda and with the Enkarans created more tensions within the team and the close comradeship Teal'c had so enjoyed for three years was suddenly gone.
DanielJackson had grown up during his time of mourning, much to his team's bewilderment. It's true that it's often not until something is gone that you realize its value. In the past all the team had felt exasperation at the young man's sometimes reckless behavior but, at the same time, had been delighted by his almost childlike enjoyment in new discoveries. This new DanielJackson, while appreciated at times for his maturity, was a different entity; one the team had difficulty relating to and they mourned the loss of his innocence.
"We have been through so many trials together,' Teal'c thought as his eyes roamed over the still youthful face before him. There were lines on that face now, lines that had not been there seven years ago. Teal'c knew his actions were responsible for some of them, something he deeply regretted.
Teal'c had only heard second hand his actions and words during the Rite of Masuraan and knew, though he had been brainwashed and effectively had no choice, he had once again hurt someone who had been hurt far too much already.
Regardless, DanielJackson's forgiveness was given and he had worked tirelessly when Teal'c had been trapped within the Stargate when it had suffered a malfunction, even charming the Russian Government out of their DHD.
'You are one of my greatest friends,' Teal'c had told DanielJackson as he lay dying. The pain he felt that day was unequalled; he truly believed that, by losing DanielJackson, the Tau'ri had lost one of their most treasured possessions, someone necessary for the continuing struggle against the Goa'uld. It was as if a light had been extinguished within the SGC and Teal'c heart.
The year without DanielJackson had been long and filled with challenges; one of the most difficult was dealing with O'Neill's grief. While MajorCarter was able to cry and talk with Teal'c to release some of her anguish, O'Neill let himself be overwhelmed with grief, keeping it bottled up inside.
The loss seemed to engulf O'Neill. He had survived the loss of his son but it was as if the loss of DanielJackson had been 'the straw that broke the camel's back'. Neither Teal'c nor MajorCarter felt able to pull him out of this depression, it was ironic that only DanielJackson would have been able to do so. The old O'Neill returned to them briefly from time to time only to close back within himself again.
Teal'c suspected O'Neill's grief might be tied up with guilt. Guilt over his failure as a team leader to keep his team safe, guilt that he had pulled away from the young scientist over the past two years, unable to cope with the new DanielJackson. O'Neill was not good at discussing his feelings and Teal'c was sure he had never sat down with DanielJackson and 'cleared the air' as the Tau'ri call it.
Into this whole mix was thrown Teal'c own grief. Teal'c had lost many men in battle over his lifetime, had faced grief before. He was usually able to put aside his feelings only to bring them out during mediation. However, he found that memories of his young friend besieged him at most unexpected times.
Many a time he turned to JonasQuinn and felt great disappointment not to find DanielJackson at his side instead. Though he eventually came to like the young Kelownan, Teal'c still found his dishonorable actions the day DanielJackson had been injured difficult to reconcile. Teal'c prided himself on always being honorable - dark thoughts of JonasQuinn's failure at times overwhelmed him during Kel'no'reem.
It was during one of Teal'c's darkest hours that DanielJackson had risked the wrath of the Others to help both Teal'c and Bra'tac after the massacre at the meeting of the Jaffa rebel leaders. Teal'c had spent many hours in medication re-playing his dreams over and over in his mind. Without DanielJackson to keep him focused Teal'c was certain both he and Bra'tac would be dead.
In reviewing what had transpired Teal'c had also begun to question how he alone, out of all the Jaffa ambushed that day, was left with his symbiote. Had DanielJackson done more than keep Teal'c focused, had he somehow shielded him so his symbiote was overlooked by their attackers? Unless DanielJackson was able to remember more of his time while ascended Teal'c knew he would never receive an answer to this question.
And now DanielJackson was back. The initial joy upon seeing his friend flesh and blood again had turned to dismay when it became apparent DanielJackson had no memory of any of them and their time together. MajorCarter had finally persuaded the young scholar to return with them to Earth.
It was during his first night back on his home planet that DanielJackson had come to visit Teal'c. The pleasure Teal'c had felt at this display of trust, that DanielJackson had remembered their closeness, quickly turned to dread when the purpose of his visit was revealed. He had remembered Sha'ri and had come seeking answers, answers from the very man who had killed her. Without words Teal'c conveyed his grief at the death of Sha'ri and watched the light die in the clear blue eyes.
When Annubis' ship had left orbit for an unknown destination with DanielJackson and JonasQuinn still onboard and their isotopes, inserted by the Tok'ra, nearly expired it seemed they were going to lose their teammate again after only just getting him back. Teal'c felt great relief when they had appeared in the warehouse on Kelowna.
Then JonasQuinn risked his own life to save DanielJackson, partially re-paying the Tau'ri for the enormous debt owed to him by all Kelownans. Teal'c had bid the young Kelownan good-bye later in the gateroom and truly wished him well but was eager to re-new his friendship with DanielJackson.
Teal'c had watched DanielJackson struggle with his amnesia over the following weeks, lending Teal'c support he was unwilling to accept during the recovery from his staff weapon injury, and it was during this time DanielJackson was finally able to remember an event he had seen while ascended and give enough detail to save Teal'c's son, Ry'ac, and Bra'tac from the Jaffa prison camp. Teal'c had felt their friendship move to a new level, the understanding complete. He truly treasured his young friend.
He now watched the eyelashes quiver as the blue eyes opened then widened, startled, as DanielJackson found Teal'c regarding him so intently.
"Welcome back, DanielJackson." Teal'c said. "I have missed you." A beautiful smile, once so rare, was given in answer.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am attempting to write a trio of stories all dealing with SG-1's feeling about Daniel's return. Big thanks again to Aloysius for the beta and giving me encouragement and the confidence to continue.
© July 30th, 2003 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.