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The wealth of a soul is measured by how much it can feel;
its poverty by how little.
-- William Rounseville Alger
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They were screwed...
Not literally, Jack amended for the sake of pragmatism, but as damn close as he ever wanted to get and still be breathing.
The DHD had been damaged when one of the many skeletal trees surrounding the gate had fallen across it, struck during another of the frequent lightning storms this planet seemed plagued with almost hourly. So not only were they stuck on this godforsaken excuse for a planet, but Daniel was looking worse by the second. Between storms, they had holed up in the shelter of a rock overhang near the cliffs located a few hundred yards from the Stargate. Carter and Teal'c were dashing back and forth regularly, assessing the damage, discussing repairs, and carrying equipment to the shelter while Jack worked at making Daniel as comfortable as possible with the few supplies they had on hand.
It had been on their first dash for shelter that Daniel had quietly gone 'ooph' and nearly keeled over. Jack had been in the lead, but even he had heard the sound he always dreaded hearing - one of his kids in pain.
Fearing at first they were under attack, he'd had Carter grab onto Daniel and help him into the rocks while he and Teal'c guarded their six. There had been no attack; as far as they knew from the UAV readings the planet was long deserted. It wasn't until they had gotten Daniel settled under the shelter that they had realized the problem was physical.
Carter suspected appendicitis, and they all prayed for something less serious given their situation. But with each passing hour Jack was more and more convinced Carter was right.
Daniel couldn't even straighten out his body or legs, the nausea had graduated to full out vomiting of stuff that looked nothing at all like recycled food any longer, and Daniel's temperature was rising higher seemingly by the second. He hadn't complained about anything that day, though they had all noticed he had been quieter than usual when visiting a new planet. Jack had ascribed it to the creepiness of their surroundings, or maybe the lack of significant artifacts to capture Daniel's interest. God, he'd been so wrong. After three years he knew Daniel pretty damn well; he should have noticed.
They still had had six hours before they would officially be considered overdue and the SGC would dial in. Sure they could ask for one of Carter's handy-dandy naquada reactors when they did, but those things took time to set up, not to mention the hour or more just hand dialing the big ring would take. Daniel might not have that kind of time.
For now they could only wait. They couldn't even let Daniel drink water to soothe his tender throat, though Jack had urged him to rinse his mouth of the bilious fluids he was hurling during the increasingly infrequent pauses between bouts.
It was getting dark.
Carter must have noticed too; she and Teal'c were packing up the last of the supplies they would need to get them through the night and heading over. Jack threw another piece of the dead wood they had gathered on the fire. The area all around the gate was full of it. The entire planet seemed dead in fact. There was nothing they had seen to indicate recent life of any kind. The thought made Jack shiver in spite of the warmth in the shelter.
Jack scooted over toward Daniel, replacing the now dry cloth on his forehead with a fresh cool one. Daniel didn't look up but nodded a brief thanks, biting his lip against the pain they could do little to help alleviate. This was supposed to have been a day trip, a quick in and out; they weren't equipped to handle this kind of medical emergency. External enemies they were prepared for, internal ones - unfortunately not even close.
Carter arrived, setting her cases of supplies against the rear wall before coming over to check on Daniel. She didn't have to say a word; Jack could see in her eyes that his sense of urgency was more than justified. Teal'c saw it too, his lips thinning and his brows drawing in what Jack recognized from long experience as utmost concern.
With an almost collective sigh of frustration, they bent to the task of preparing dinner and settling the shelter for the night. It wasn't as if they could do anything else. Jack noted Carter setting aside the coffeepot and nodded approval. It was bad enough Daniel was ill, there was no way they would torture his already sore and deprived stomach with the smell of coffee. He wished Daniel could rest, but the morphine didn't seem to be doing much of anything for the pain. Jack remembered something from a long ago first aid prep class that made him think the pain would ease just before things got really dangerous. He hoped he was remembering wrong.
Having no choice but to wait, Jack decided they would sit with Daniel in shifts of two hours each ...not that he believed any of them would get much sleep this night. Still, if the worst happened, they all needed the time just to be together with Daniel, to ease his suffering as much as they could and to feel useful in a pretty damn helpless situation. They had six hours to get through - perhaps one of the longest nights any of them had ever known.
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Hot, then cold, then hot again ...nothing seemed to be working right.
Blankets on, then off, throw up a little more - or less if he wanted to be completely accurate - then cool moisture as one of his friends tried to help him recover enough to face the next round as it all began again...
He'd been hurt enough times in the past to be more than a little familiar with pain, but he'd never known anything like this. Despite his allergies and a childhood spell of catching every virus coming and going, probably due to the fact that he had grown up in Egypt and never been exposed to any of them, Daniel had always been fairly healthy. Serious illness was not something he knew very well at all, and something he could now safely say he hated.
His team had been great. He hadn't had to ask for so much as a tissue, but he hated being a worry to them. And he had no doubt at all they were seriously worried. He could only pay attention to his surroundings in bits and pieces as he struggled to keep the pain under control, to not shout out with each and every stab to his gut, to not make more noise than he could help so he didn't have to see his friends jump with concerned empathy. He didn't have to be told to know every one of them would take his pain if they could; knowing helped. As much as anything could help.
None of them were sleeping; he wasn't quite sure why they were even pretending. Or rather, he had a guess, but it was one he preferred not to pursue considering...
He wished he had the breath and the words to tell them... things they probably wouldn't like hearing, but things he had never taken the time to say. Now i...t might be too late. After the first time he had died, after the Nem thing, he had written letters that were still at the bottom of his desk drawer wrapped up with his folders of important and necessary documents should the need arise again for someone to set his affairs in order. It was rather morbid really, something he put out of his mind entirely unless he ran across it looking for something else. But Daniel remembered how he had felt on Oannes knowing he might never return home again, remembered the feeling of being cut off from the only people in the universe who really cared about him, other than his Abydonian family safe at the time behind the barricade on their gate.and Sha're effectively lost to him then and now forever. He was glad he had written the letters ...glad that now, if the worst happened, his friends would know how much they meant to him.
Maybe once this was over with he might rewrite them a little, add in the small and large ways they had become even more important to him over the years than in those younger, more innocent days when they had not been quite so affected by the things they had done and seen through the Stargate. When they had all been so much more innocent.
When, he wouldn't say if, he got back he would do it..
Sam was with him now, whispering words he could barely make out as he struggled to empty a stomach long since drained to the dregs.
It hurt so much.
He finished and let Sam rearrange him on his sleeping bag, though both of them knew it wouldn't last long. Nothing seemed to help.
Sam mentioned it was time for another shot, and he didn't argue with her. Maybe this time it would let him sleep, if only for a few minutes. He patted her on the hand, unable to concentrate enough to actually form words. He just wanted to say thank you, say a lot of things he hoped she understood without the words. As he closed his eyes, feeling the shot take hold and carry him off on the waves of drugged exhaustion, he felt the light touch of her lips on his forehead.
She understood.
When he woke again Teal'c was with him, wiping at his forehead with surprisingly gentle hands. Teal'c had a lot of usually hidden talents, not the least of which was his tender caring that usually got its only outlet with them.
He actually felt a little better, well ...not quite as bad t...han he had the last time he had been aware. He was fairly sure that was not necessarily a good thing. Sam was sitting in the back of the shelter, ostensibly adjusting a piece of totally unnecessary equipment. Jack was on the other side of Daniel, not even pretending to be doing anything other than what he was doing, watching over Daniel.
It was...worrying.
He wet his lips, wanting a drink of water so badly he would give anything for it at this point, but he knew as well as the rest of them did it wasn't possible. Instead he asked what time it was; at least he tried to.
Rather than telling him, Jack just said. "One more hour."
One more. He could do that.
He hoped..
For Jack's benefit, Daniel tried to smile. He had no doubt it came off badly, but he was inordinately relieved when Jack's troubled eyes crinkled in response. He needed Jack - all his team really - to be the strong one right now, as he so often was. Nothing else in the pain that had so quickly become his existence seemed nearly as solid. That was Jack, solid as a rock and twice as steady when push came to shove. There was no one trusted more to watch his six - or his stomach, so to speak.
It was storming again, great waves of thunder echoing endlessly around the rocks that made up their shelter, bouncing back out to roll in nearly continuous waves across the valley. Daniel idly wondered if it ever rained h ere. He would have liked rain; closing his eyes, he could almost feel the cooling, soothing moisture against his heated skin, his parched lips.
Then Jack was there, offering him a sip of water they both knew he couldn't swallow, but it helped. Moving didn't hurt as much; the nausea even seemed to have gotten better.
That really couldn't be good. Could it?
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Someone was dialing in.
Only three minutes past schedule. With a grateful sigh, Jack reminded himself to thank Davis at the first opportunity.
Leaving Carter with Daniel, Jack and Teal'c ran for the gate and prepped the MALP for transmission. They had no time at all to waste.
General Hammond's voice was the first they heard, unusual for the time of night Jack knew it was on Earth. With a silent apology, Jack cut his commanding officer off mid-sentence and laid out their situation. After a pause that seemed ages long, Fraiser came on demanding details and Jack reported the cold facts as briefly as possible.
Fraiser didn't answer but the general came back on. "Expect a visitor within the next ten minutes, Colonel. Everything you'll need to get home is being gathered even as we speak. Sergeant Siler will come through as soon as possible to assist Major Carter in getting the gate powered and dialed so you can get our boy home. Give him our best, Colonel."
Jack had to swallow hard against the lump in his throat. "I will. Thank you, sir."
"Anything else we can do to help, Jack?"
With a long, anxious sigh, Jack could only find one thing they really needed at the moment. "Pray?"
"Consider it done, Jack. Doctor Fraiser is on her way."
Jack signed off quickly, getting ready to help the doctor as soon as she appeared. Daniel was dying, there wasn't a doubt in his mind, and right now Fraiser was his only hope.
Surprisingly a FRED preceded Fraiser from the gate, loaded down with a bunch of silver travel cases marked medical supplies, among other unfamiliar words Jack knew only a medic would recognize; it was enough for him to know they were things that would save Daniel's life. Fraiser stepped through a few seconds later, Siler and one of the male medics, Miller, Jack believed, at her side. Before Jack could even ask, Siler explained he was there to set up the generator Doc would need to run her machines. The equipment they would need to get home again would be on its way as soon as possible. Fraiser had drafted him, in other words, a notion supported by the fact Siler was not dressed for gate travel.
The diminutive doctor with the legendary attitude cut to the chase and asked where her patient was. Jack led her and Miller off the platform toward the shelter at a run, leaving Teal'c and Siler to bring along the equipment.
Carter moved out of the way as they entered the shelter. Jack noted approvingly that she had used the time to clear away everything surrounding Daniel, making room for the doctor to work.
As Fraiser approached, Daniel looked at her blearily. As he had earlier with Jack, Daniel tried to smile and reassure - then as now, it only came off looking like goodbye. Jack shivered in the night air, making an effort to shake off the feeling of dread and doom the very atmosphere of the planet seemed to engender. Fraiser was here; Daniel would be fine. It was one of the constants of the universe....Doc worked miracles, and one of the people she worked them on the most was Daniel. Like a law of nature, it had to happen.
Jack barely noticed Carter leaving to help Siler, he was far too focused on Fraiser's poking and prodding of Daniel's bare abdomen that was bringing forth the first real shouts of pain they had heard from him. Jack's first instinct, as always, was to stop anything causing pain. Knowing it was necessary seriously didn't help much. The worried frown on Fraiser's face helped even less.
With a few soothing words and a promise to stop the pain, Fraiser began digging in her medical case, retrieving a vial and syringe she loaded in one smooth movement. She pulled back Daniel's sleeve to inject the drug, then finally stood to face Jack.
She didn't have to say anything at all for Jack to know his feeling had been right all along - this was really bad. In a low quiet voice she explained that she was as sure as se could be under the circumstances that Daniel's appendix had ruptured and surgery couldn't begin to wait for the gate to be prepared.
Jack nodded acceptance, and with a long worried look at Daniel he asked, "What do we need to do?"
With her usual calm efficiency Fraiser set Miller to work prepping Daniel and led Jack out to the FRED, pointing out the equipment she needed inside next to Daniel. Siler and Teal'c already had the generator unloaded, and Carter was stringing the power hookups toward the shelter. With all of them working as quickly as they could, they soon had Fraiser's monitors powered up as well as bright lights strung around the walls of the shelter. While they had been getting everything else ready, Miller had cut away Daniel's outer clothing, leaving him only in his boxers with a thin sheet covering his lower body. Daniel was well and truly out of it now, something Jack wasn't sure he should be worried about or not. Bright white sheets were now spread all around the inside of their shelter, for cleanliness Jack supposed, though he didn't take the time to ask. Fraiser was using some kind of fluid to clean the entire area around Daniel's abdomen, from ribs to just short of being indecent, something else Jack didn't want to ask about....not that he really had to. He knew what was coming. In a very few minutes, Fraiser would be cutting into Daniel's body, deliberately causing a wound in order to save his life.
For the third time since she had arrived, Fraiser asked Jack if he was going to be okay with assisting her. For the third time his heart said no even as his head nodded an affirmative. As their resident experts, Teal'c, Carter and Siler were needed at the gate. Ready or not, like it or not, Jack would get through this.
For Daniel.
When they finally settled in to get to work, Fraiser slipped a mask attached to a portable oxygen tank over Daniel's nose and mouth. The monitors had already been attached to his chest by electrical wires she had taped out of the way across his lean shoulder. The beeps and numbers were all too familiar to Jack - none of them looked quite right to him now.
Miller would be acting as anesthesiologist and surgical assistant it seemed; beside him sat a tray of instruments and needles. He and Janet were talking now about dosages for infiltrative local anesthetic, which Jack tried hard not to make sense of? Infiltrative anything was never good in his experience.
Jack's job was to watch Daniel, notice if he started coming around, watch the monitors and report every two minutes on the big three - pulse, respiration, heart rate - and to lend an extra hand if Fraiser needed one.
He had seen a lot of injuries in his time, too many in fact, but Jack dreaded this worse than just about any of them. Emergency care in the field was one thing. Adrenaline generally carried a person through the usual mental and physical reactions they would ordinarily have to the gore factor. Jack knew without having to be told that this would be different. There would be no artificial rush to help him get past the immediacy of the situation. This time he could not help Daniel with his weapons or his physical strength as he had so often in the past. This time it would be up to his ability to listen and simply to be there, to act when called upon by Fraiser. While this was a war they all wanted to win, the battle would entirely belong to Fraiser and to Daniel. Only the victory - and Jack couldn't allow himself to believe it would be anything less - would belong to them all.
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Something hurt, not like before though.
Even with his eyes closed, he could tell there was too much light, and the smell was terrible, pungent and coppery all at once. He could tell his clothes were gone as the chill air brushed over his skin. It was a pleasant feeling after being so hot for so long, even though his lower half did seem to be covered.
Actually something weird was going on down there...a pushing pulling something.
Daniel opened his eyes to see Jack hovering, gaze focused worriedly on the lower part of Daniel's body. If he had been up to it he would have made a joke about comparisons...but why was Jack wearing a surgical mask?
Glancing over to his other side he saw Janet, face similarly covered. Her hands were moving over him and he felt the push-pull again. He made a sound he meant to be a question and Janet looked up in alarm.
"This is not a good time, Daniel."
Time? Good time for what? Did he really want to know?
Then someone he didn't recognize was moving toward him - where'd he come from? - and Daniel felt something move against his inner arm...didn't hurt.
"Night, night, Daniel."
What?
Daniel felt the pull of sleep dragging him down again, breathed out a slurred "Night..." and was gone.
When he opened his eyes again he was swinging, realized how out of place that was, and looked around to see two faces looking down on him. Jack and Sergeant Siler. A dark hand on a rail by his head told him Teal'c was there, and he could hear Sam's voice saying something about the equipment being gone already. Blue light wavered just in front or Jack's head, giving him a weird halo that looked so out of place it made him giggle.
Jack looked down and smiled, shaking his head.
"Feeling no pain now, are you?"
Daniel shook his head. He really wasn't. Funny, he hadn't noticed until Jack had mentioned it.
Jack's eyes went all hard and serious, "Just hang on, buddy, we're going home."
Home sounded good, great in fact, but he'd have to tell Jack later that home for him was where his team was...the place didn't matter.
The wormhole made him slightly nauseous at the best of times, so he closed his eyes just before they stepped though. It still made him nauseous and the swinging didn't help.
He had a great team, but as stretcher-bearers they really needed work..
He risked opening his eyes when they stopped, and almost jumped when he found General Hammond nearly nose to nose with him. Or maybe it was just the drugs that made it seem like he was. The general looked worried. The general had a great worry face; you could see everything in it. Daniel hated that the general got worried so much, but he really did like that face..
He tried to smile, hoping to erase some of those lines on the general's features. It worked too; everything went kind of soft.
Then they were moving again, Janet was yelling - too loud - that they needed to get him prepped. Daniel wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. 'Prepped' didn't sound very restful at all. But anything that wasn't moving would be really nice about now.
As they moved Daniel noticed a lot of blurry faces standing on both sides of him. Maybe it was a team about to leave on a mission, seemed like an awful lot of them.
"Sam?" he whispered, or at least tried to.
Sam bent down beside him, so close her hair brushed his cheek. "What do you need, Daniel?"
"What are all these people waiting for?"
"You, Daniel." She whispered back.
"Oh..." He didn't really understand, but if Sam wasn't worried then neither was he.
A jumble of images made up the next few minutes of his life, moving back and forth, then up and down, and then, blessedly, all was still. Someone put another warm blanket over him, one of the fluffy nice ones Janet used if you were stuck in the infirmary for more than a day. Then there were people all around, sticking things on him and - damn - in him. He just closed his eyes through it all, sort of hovering on the edge until the humiliating parts were over.
He really, really hated being sick. Then a hand ruffled his hair, Janet's voice threatened to return in a few minutes, and all was quiet again.
Footsteps approached, familiar footsteps, and he didn't have to open his eyes to know his team was there with him. One of those things stuck in him must have been more drugs because he found opening his eyes a lot harder now, but he needed to if only for a minute. They were all there, like he knew they would be, looking a lot less worried than they had most of the other times he had seen them the past. however many hours it had been since he had felt the first hard pain hit while they were running from that storm.
He liked this a lot better.
He still felt a little hot but figured that would pass now that he had more tubes attached to him than he had in his fish tank. The pain was almost negligible in comparison to what it had been and they were all home in, mostly, one piece.
His team gathered around him, small touches telling him they felt the same way, telling him they were glad he was okay. He already knew they understood he returned their feelings and more, but he promised himself he'd take the time to tell them so when he had time to catch his breath a little.
He'd also find those letters, add a few things to them, then put them away again and forget about them. He might never need them, but when things had gotten so bad he feared he might be dying it had been comforting to know they were there. That his words on paper would remain if he didn't make it home, that even if he were gone they would still know how he felt. At this moment surrounded by his friends, he was the richest man in the world. Hell, in the whole damn universe.
The drugs were pulling him down into sleep again and he was way too tired to fight them. He yawned and closed his eyes, muttering an apology.
"Night, night, Daniel." Jack's voice, edged with relief and laughter.
Night, night?
Jack had said that before...when?
As he sank into healing sleep Daniel had a flash of memory, of Jack assisting in his...
Jack?
Oh, shit, he'd never hear the end of this one.
*fin*
Author's note: This is a released zine story from Through the Liquid Eye from All Gen Press...with many thanks to Beth.
© June 17, 2004 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.