"Oh for crying out loud, Daniel. Stop acting like it's twenty degrees outside. The thermometer plainly reads thirty-six. So it's not even freezing." Jack glared at the archaeologist as he stood huddled in the doorway of Starbucks, clutching a giant economy size of expresso.

"Actually, sir, with the wind chill, it really is twenty degrees." Sam glanced down to ensure her coat was fastened all the way, then positioned a bright red scarf more securely into her collar. "And the temperature on the mountain will be..." Her voice trailed off as she caught a glimpse of the colonel's face.

"What, Major? Will be ... what?"

"Just as cold, if not colder, sir."

"Thank you very much." Jack muttered sarcastically, then turned his attention back to Daniel. "Daniel..."

"I don't see why *I* have to go, *I* don't want to learn to ski."

Sam glanced quickly at the stoic Jaffa waiting patiently by Jack's jeep. 'Not sure Teal'c really wants to either.'

"Daniel. You live in Colorado now. Home of Aspen, Vail, you get the picture. *Everyone* in Colorado skis."

"I lived in California for years, Jack, and never learned to surf."

"Of course not, Daniel. Not everyone in California surfs. Hawaii, on the other hand..."

Daniel objected vigorously. "Now wait a minute, lots of people in California surf."

"Lots is not all, Daniel." Jack replied in his most reasonable tone - the one Sam recognized as Jack at his worst. "Do you know anyone here that doesn't ski?"

"Well, no," Daniel replied reluctantly. "But..."

"Anh! Do--"

"Excuse me, sir, but could we just get in the car? I think Teal'c's turning blue." Sam headed for the jeep as she spoke, followed by a still hunched over Daniel Jackson.

The stunned colonel stared after his team. "Mutiny. I have a mutiny here."

******

Forty-five minutes later, SG-1 arrived at Jack's favorite ski resort. He carefully steered his jeep through the parking lot, squeezing it into a space as close as possible to the lodge. Daniel's eyes narrowed as he peered out the window. "Jack, we're awfully close to the car next to us."

"Can you get out?"

"Well, yes," Daniel replied doubtfully, "but it's gonna be tight. Not sure Teal'c can."

"Sir, I think this space is for compact cars." Sam added helpfully.

"Really. I don't see any signs." Jack glanced around the lot before getting out. "Come on kids. Let's go."

Daniel eased his way out of the passenger side, trying not to ding the door on the Escort next to them. "Terrific. Hey! Watch it with that thing!"

"Sorry, Daniel, did I hit you?" Sam asked contritely as she got her skis under control and moved away from the car.

"No, but it was ... Jaaaack!" Daniel yelped once more as he dodged a pair of skis coming off the roof of the jeep.

The colonel grinned impudently. "Oops?"

Daniel glared at the older man, then shook his head. It was going to be a long day. "What now?"

"We get you and Teal'c some skis, then we hit the slopes."

"Why is it necessary to hit the slopes, O'Neill? Is this part of the skiing process?"

"Yes...no. Uh, figure of speech, Teal'c. It means we go skiing." Jack headed for the lodge, followed by Sam, Teal'c and a very reluctant archaeologist.

"Or not." Daniel muttered under his breath, regretting not for the first time the matching ski outfits which, as Jack so eloquently put it, marked them as a team.

******

Another thirty minutes were spent getting Daniel and Teal'c properly outfitted. Skis and poles were sized appropriately to each man, with very basic instruction on how and when to use the poles and how the boots worked to prevent serious injury in the event of a fall. Finally, the pair was released to the great-out-of-doors, and their waiting friends.

"I feel like an idiot." Daniel mumbled as he plodded along, skis flung carelessly over his shoulder. "And it's too cold."

"What'd you say, Daniel?" Sam asked, ducking just in time to avoid being hit by Daniel's skis. "Hey, watch it!"

"Sorry, Sam." Daniel's face flushed with embarrassment. "I was saying that it's cold."

"That's common in snow, Daniel." Jack interrupted. "Okay, kids. First stop, the Mickey Mouse slope."

Teal'c turned quickly in his tracks to stare at the colonel. "There are slopes for your small, furry rodents?"

"No, no. It's just a name for the beginner slopes. It's kinda common that they're called that."

"Why?"

"Why?" Jack repeated, confused.

"What is the slope named after a furry rodent?"

"Because it's the beginner slope." The colonel responded in what he hoped was a reasonable tone.

"Mickey Mouse is slang for easy, Teal'c." Daniel replied simultaneously.

"I see." Teal'c replied solemnly.

"Here we are." Sam stopped at the gate and sat on a nearby bench to put on her skis. "Let me get mine on, Colonel, then I'll help Daniel and Teal'c."

"I believe I understand the principle involved, Major Carter."

Sam glanced at the Jaffa. "Uh, yeah, well, I'll feel better if I check your skis myself."

"As you wish." Teal'c sat down on the bench beside Sam and eased into the boots, eyeing the slope and its novice skiers as he did so. "The hill does not appear to be very steep."

"Looks steep enough to me." Daniel was sitting next to Teal'c, also watching the skiers, wincing as one fell, losing his skis in the process. "Ooops. That hurt."

Teal'c frowned. "O'Neill, I would prefer to learn on the slope over there. The one with the rope."

"No can do, Teal'c, that's the intermediate slope, and you don't know anything..."

"Nevertheless, I will ski on that slope."

Jack frowned. "Teal'c, you've gotta start on the beginner slope then work your way up to the intermediate and advanced slopes. You can't just start w--"

"There are more complicated slopes than this 'intermediate' one?"

"Uh, yes, but--"

"Then I will ski on those."

"Teal'c, you can't just start with the advanced slopes." Sam protested.

"O'Neill, did I not leap out of one of your planes using one of your .... parachutes?"

"Actually, you were pushe..." Jack's words faded away as he caught the look on Teal'c's face. Wondering just when he'd lost control, he continued. "Well, okay, but--"

"Then I will now use the advanced slopes."

"Carter?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Work with Daniel--"

"I'll just sit at the lodge, Jack, by the fire. Where it's warm." Daniel hastily replied.

"No member of my team is gonna turn into a Snow Bunny, Daniel. Carter, Teal'c and I will be back." He eyed the ski lift taking skiers up to the advanced slopes. "Eventually. Come on, Teal'c."

"Snow Bunny?" Daniel looked at Sam.

Smiling slightly, she nodded at a pair of pretty young women, in very tight, brightly colored Gore-Tex heading into the lodge house.

"Oh. Bet they're gonna sit by the fire."

"No bet. Shall we?" She motioned toward the beginner slope.

He sighed in resignation. "Okay, but if I break a leg, Janet's gonna be mad."

Grinning she glanced over at the ski lift, noting that Teal'c was having no trouble getting on the chair. Maybe they'd be okay.

******

"Excellent, Daniel!" Sam clapped as the archaeologist stopped on cue, without toppling over backwards or even windmilling his arms. For a change. "You're ready for the intermediate slope."

"No, no, and no. If we're through here, I'm gonna go inside and thaw out. I can't feel my toes, and my ankles and knees hurt like heck."

"Okay, I have to admit that I'm feeling the cold too..." Her words faded away as she caught sight of the ski patrol coming down the mountain pulling a sleigh with an injured person on board. "Oh, my, God. Teal'c. Oh, I hope he's not hurt badly. Holy Hannah, Daniel. The general's gonna kill us."

Quickly shedding their skis, the pair raced to meet the ski patrol. An employee stopped them at the gate, "I'm sorry, but we need to keep this area clear."

"But we're with them." Sam blurted out quickly pointing to the sleigh.

"They're our friends." Daniel chimed in.

Reluctantly, the youngster let them pass and they trudged as fast as possible through the snow toward the ski patrol, crying out in unison, "Colonel, is Teal'c okay?"

"I am well, Major Carter, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c responded as he pulled off his ski mask. Leaning on his poles, he continued, "But O'Neill has been injured."

"The Colonel?"

"Jack?"

One of the ski patrol spoke up, smiling reassuringly. "He'll be fine, just a bad knee sprain. We'll get him checked out at the first aid hut, but I'm thinking he'll be able to go home rather than on to the hospital."

******

A very long hour later, the foursome were once again in Jack's jeep, but this time, Daniel was behind the wheel, easing the jeep out of the parking lot. Teal'c sat in the passenger seat, with Jack behind the driver, leg propped up on the console between the seats, and a dour look on his face. Sam maintained a carefully neutral expression as Daniel asked, "Okay, now that we're alone, what happened?"

Teal'c replied solemnly. "There was an asshole with a plank who created a speed bulge in front of O'Neill."

"What?" Daniel and Sam were both confused.

"Oh for crying out loud, Teal'c. That's a snowboarder, who fell off his damn board in front of me. I couldn't turn in time so I got launched into the air. If the damn tree hadn't been in the way, my skis wouldn't have gotten tangled."

"Okay, that makes it ever so much clearer." Daniel sighed as he spoke.

"Dammit, Daniel. I was...oh to heck with it, I fell."

"Good thing Teal'c didn't hit the bump, sir." Sam smiled slightly as she tried to lighten the mood of gloom in the vehicle.

"Ya think?"

"Well, he is new..." Her words faded away as the colonel *looked* at her. "Isn't he?"

"I am sorry, Major Carter. I did not correctly interpret the term 'skiing'. On Chulak, it is know as Crad'fa."

"Crad'fa?" Daniel looked thoughtful. "Snow flying?"

Jack groaned as Daniel translated. "Tell them the rest, Teal'c."

"Prior to becoming First Prime of Apophis, I was Champion Crad'faer of Chulak for six consecutive winter seasons."

© December 11, 2000 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.