Chapter 20

"You do not look well DanielJackson... perhaps we should stop."

"No Teal'c, I'm fine. Go on." Teal'c examined the younger man carefully before continuing.

"Very well. The inhabitants of P3X 977 were a formidable race. Their way of life exceeded that of our own..." Teal'c paused momentarily. "Are you certain you are well?" Daniel sighed in frustration. He was sick of everyone asking him that! He stared at the artifact that SG-1 had brought back from their latest mission. Two weeks ago, its unusual inscriptions would have captivated him, but now he was just impatient to leave. He was too tired and worn out. 'On the other hand, when am I not?' he joked silently to himself.

Daniel was already becoming accustomed to the same daily routine. He would come to the base, analyze and decipher for a few hours and then get driven home by military personnel. However, these past few days were particularly tough. Lately, by two o'clock in the afternoon, he could always be sure to hear a tiny voice in his brain say, 'Warning! Shut down in five... four... three... two... one... ' And then, his head would collapse onto his books and he would visit dreamland for a while.

Daniel glanced at his watch. Okay, today was a record. The tiny voice in his head was an hour early. He could feel his eyes fluttering close, completely forgetting about his current visitor.

"DanielJackson!" Daniel's head popped up. "Perhaps you should pay a visit to Dr. Fraiser." 'Perhaps I should pay a visit to my bed' he joked again. Boy, he was starting to have more and more conversations with himself! Not a good sign. At the moment, what he really wanted was to get rid of Teal'c.

"That's a good idea... maybe I will see Janet." He lied. It was the only way he was going to get the larger man out of his office. To his dismay, the Jaffa merely nodded, his feet remained planted on the ground.

"Then I will accompany you."

"That's not necessary, Teal'c. I can get there on my own."

"I am only concerned for your welfare DanielJackson."

"I know, Teal'c. I appreciate it but..." Quick! Think of something, Jackson! " But... I first have to go to the washroom. I promise you, Teal'c, I'll go and see Janet right after." Teal'c nodded again. Tension filled the room until Teal'c's exiting footsteps interrupted the odd silence.

Daniel grinned smugly to himself. He had an entire hour of freedom before he had to go for his next 'treatment'. Unconsciously, his body quivered at the memories from his last so-called 'treatment'. He was definitely not looking forward to it. On the other hand, he noted, it meant that he would be halfway through the chemo.

Daniel had to keep himself awake for another hour. The task was harder than it seemed. He reached for his coffee mug, an action that had become almost habit in his two years working at the SGC. Of course, the mug wasn't there. It was hidden somewhere in a box along with his office coffee maker and his stash of coffee grains. He was going to have to torture Janet for her evilness when this was all done and finished with. Aware of the fact that he would not be drinking coffee any time soon, Daniel opted for the bathroom. Hopefully, by drenching his face with water, his eyelids would not be so stubborn.

Daniel slowly made his way to the men's washroom where he leaned against one of the sinks and looked into the mirror. The face that stared back at him was haunting. He had large dark rings around his eyes resembling those of a raccoon. Around his cheeks, his skin was clammy and had turned a considerable shade of red. He must have also lost a substantial amount of weight judging from the gaunt outline of his face. He further noted that although his hair had already thinned out a bit, it was not terribly noticeable. Perspiration was beginning to line the top of his forehead.

Teal'c was right. He looked awful.

Daniel ran his hands under the cold water. The moment the liquid contacted his face, Daniel jumped back. It was freezing! He frowned when he realized that the cold tap was not even turned to its maximum capacity. A new possibility entered his mind. Maybe it was fever. He sighed in resignation. He knew where he had to go.

"Well, Daniel, your temperature is at 102.9 degrees. That's very high."

'No kidding,' Daniel commented to himself.

"Unfortunately, I won't be able to give you the second treatment today, Daniel. We have to first figure out what's wrong."

"What? C'mon, Janet, I can't take this anymore!" Daniel plopped his head back onto the pillow.

"I'm sorry Daniel... I know this means a longer chemo period but there's nothing else I can do. Your body is not fit to receive the drugs. What I'm going to do is run a CBC... maybe I'll be able to find a few answers then." Janet smiled at Daniel as she dabbed a wet cloth across his forehead. His body looked exhausted, depleted of all its energy.

Janet moved away for a few moments and returned with a large rubber strip and a needle. Daniel winced. "Okay Daniel... you know the drill."

Daniel sat up and held his arm out. Janet tied the elastic strip around his bicep. He could already smell the familiar odor of alcohol as she dabbed at the great vein of his forearm. Daniel closed his eyes when she inserted the needle.

"You know... people will start thinking I'm a drug addict at the rate I'm going." Daniel lifted his other arm, exposing the many dots that were still visible. Janet looked up at him and smiled.

"There. Now I want you to stay in the infirmary and relax. Possibly go to sleep if you can. I'll be back soon." Before she even left the room, Daniel was already fast asleep.

Daniel awoke to Janet's insisting voice. "Daniel... Daniel, wake up."

"I'm up... I'm up," he mumbled as his eyes fluttered open. Wincing at the blinding light, he brought his hands up to his eyes and rubbed at them.

"Problem solved. Your platelets and hemoglobin are fine, however, your white blood cell count is dangerously low, Daniel. The norm is between 4000 and 10000. You're at 200! That's what's causing the fever."

"How?"

"Although the drugs used in chemotherapy help destroy rapidly growing cancer cells, they may also destroy some normal cells too. As a result, infection-fighting cells such as white blood cells called neutrophils may also be killed. These white blood cells, specifically neutrophils are essential to your body since they help fight off infection. They are produced in your bone marrow and are a part of your body's defense against invading bacteria. Because your count is so low, you may be at risk of developing a serious infection. That's why I can't give you the treatment today. It's too risky."

"So what happens now?"

"Now, I get to prescribe Neupogen, the wonder drug. This will eventually raise your white blood cell count to a normal range." A nurse handed Janet a large box. "Thank you." Janet nodded to her co-worker. She then proceeded in opening the container. "You're going to have to inject yourself with Neupogen every day, Daniel. You'll find in here a supply of injection needles and vials of the medication. This should last you for about a week. You have to refrigerate the vials to keep them fresh. However, make sure you take the vial out an hour before you have to inject yourself and allow it to cool down at room temperature. Okay?" Daniel nodded. "Oh and one more thing. The Neupogen has one side effect." Daniel rolled his eyes.

"What now?"

"Well, it may cause bone and joint pains. The good news is that you'll find that Tylenol will help you where that is concerned." Janet could see that Daniel was finding it hard to stay attentive. She placed her hand on his cheek. "Go to sleep. I'll wake you up a bit later."

Daniel turned on his side and closed his eyes. 'Why me?' was his last thought before his consciousness slowly floated away.

Chapter 21

He couldn't do it. How could he? It was part of him... it was part of who he was.

Daniel paced the floor for a while as he contemplated his next course of action.

He couldn't not do it either... He reached out for the object located next to his sink. Just as quickly, he pulled his hand back. No, maybe he'd do it later... yes... later would be fine with him.

Daniel moved out of the bathroom and headed for his closet. A shudder, that had nothing to do with the cold air, took him by surprise. Daniel ignored it. He reached into his closet and grabbed a T-shirt and a pair of pants. The hot water from his previous shower had the similar affect of a sedative on him. He was tired...

Daniel climbed into his bed and draped the sheets over his small frame. He closed his eyes the moment his head made contact with the soft pillow... A minute later, he opened them again. Why couldn't his brain just leave him alone?

Daniel cursed out loud. He knew he had to do it. If he was going to do it, now was the time. He roughly threw the covers off of him and trudged back into his bathroom. There... now his body was in the right place... all he had to do was get his mind in the right place.

Steam had filled the room, fogging the mirror and making it harder for him to breathe. The heat was intense and uncomfortable. He flicked the switch next to the entrance. Immediately, the fan turned on. Daniel looked around to see the shower door wide open. 'Closing the door to the actual shower would help,' he thought sarcastically. Great! He was already annoyed with himself! 'Too much time alone,' he noted with displeasure.

Daniel turned to stare at himself in the mirror. The fog, still present but not as concentrated, was making it hard for him to see. In his distress, he opted to use his sense of touch. He rubbed his hands over his face. No stubble... At least that saved him the effort of shaving every day. Almost reluctantly, Daniel raised his hands higher up, the curiosity almost too much for him. He slightly dabbed at his scalp with gentle fingers. His hands explored carefully. To Daniel's horror, in some regions, he could feel his fingers touching his scalp directly.

Bald spots?

Daniel forced down the panicked cry...

He quickly turned around and rushed to the shower. When he opened the shower door, he froze.

How could he have not noticed it before?

Daniel stared at the sight in front of him, his eyes unmoving. He swallowed hard. Clumps of his hair were scattered on the shower floor. The drain emitted strangled sounds as it struggled against the mass of hair to drain the remaining fluid. Daniel's stomach churned as he nervously fumbled for the taps just under the showerhead. He forced them to turn as far as they could before he had to look away. It was only minutes later when he gathered enough strength to look back. Thankfully, this time, the tiles of the shower floor were clean.

A new wave of anger and irritation washed over him. Daniel kicked at his garbage in frustration, causing it to topple over. He was so sick of this! He turned back to the sink and grabbed the object that he had so much been trying to avoid. He lifted the scissors up to his hair and began to snip frantically, allowing the falling pieces to drop into his sink.

"Janet, have you seen Daniel?" Jack asked as he moved into step with the petite doctor.

"He went home early today, Colonel," Janet responded nonchalantly as she turned the corner. Jack could feel his fingers clench into a fist. What was going on? He hadn't seen Daniel for days. It was simply getting out of hand! Something wasn't right with the younger man. When he had quizzed the general about Daniel's continuous absences, the older man had just shrugged it off, as if the matter was of no concern to him. In fact, Hammond had even told him something about an important personal matter that Daniel had to tend to. Well, he was sick of all this crap! He wanted to find out what the hell was going on and he wanted to know now!

Jack had made sure that nobody was in the hall when he had entered Daniel's office. The task was a notably easy one, considering the younger man never locked his door. The office looked the same except for a few new files scattered over Daniel's desk.

Jack perused over some of the papers. There was nothing of interest there. He scanned the rest of the room. What was he even looking for? What was he planning on finding? Daniel never kept any secrets. Then what was this 'personal matter' that General Hammond had told him about? Jack sighed in defeat. There was nothing here. He surveyed the room one last time before he decided to leave. Just prior to reaching the door, Jack stopped in his tracks. Something had caught his eye. He squinted as he stared down at the garbage next to Daniel's desk. What the hell was that? Jack bent down and picked up the black trash bin. He rummaged through the contents, indifferent to the fact that he was violating private boundaries. He quickly backed away in shock. What was going on? He pulled out four empty vials and placed them on the desk. He stuck his hand back inside only to be further perplexed. His hand came out holding three used syringes. His mind began to run in circles. Why was Daniel taking medication? Was that the 'personal matter' that General Hammond was talking about earlier? Was Daniel addicted to...? Jack stopped himself. What the hell was he thinking? Daniel... addicted to drugs? That was ridiculous.

Jack picked up one of the vials. Maybe if he knew what drug Daniel was taking, it would better his chances of finding out what the hell was going on. Jack read the label on the small glass container and frowned. He'd never heard of it before. With only one option left, Jack picked up Daniel's chair and placed it in front of the computer.

Jack sat down and double clicked on one of the icons that appeared on the screen. He waited impatiently as the familiar dialing sound of the modem echoed in the room. When the connection to the Internet was finally confirmed, Jack placed his hands on the keyboard and began to type. Before he began his search, Jack double-checked that his spelling was correct. N-E-U-P-O-G-E-N. Satisfied, he clicked on the 'search' icon and waited.

Chapter 22

"C'mon... c'mon... pick up!" Daniel mumbled as he paced the room, the phone gripped tightly in his hand.

"Fraiser."

'Thank G-d!' "Janet, it's Daniel... Look --"

"Daniel, you're supposed to be here for your second treatment! Where are you?"

"I'm at home..."

"Daniel, this is not a joke! You can't be skipping your chemo treatments!"

"I know that but... look, Janet, I really can't come in today."

"And why is that?" Janet was clearly irritated.

"Because, well... I just really can't, Janet. Can't you come here and do it in my apartment?" His voice sounded desperate.

"Daniel, if it's the nausea that you're worried about, then I can give you something stronger. Sam can drive you home right after the --"

"Janet, please..."

She sighed. "Just tell me why and I might consider it..." She waited for a response but it never came. "Daniel... Daniel!"

"Because I shaved my head." The answer was short and simple, yet it was quite obvious to Janet that the voice behind it was ashamed and embarrassed. She didn't know what to say.

"Daniel, it's nothing to be embarrassed from --"

"Janet, if I walk around the base like this, then everybody will know I'm sick. And then what's going to happen? Everyone is going to stare at me with that 'oh so sorry' look. I'm sorry, Janet, but I won't go through that." Janet took a few moments to contemplate. She knew that she couldn't take off work, yet Daniel was her friend. Perhaps the general would understand and grant her a four-hour break.

"Daniel, I'll go ask the general for a short leave... However, I expect you to come in next time. Daniel, you can't hide away from everybody. Nobody will look at you any differently if --"

"Janet, please! I don't think you know what it feels like to be sick like this. I really don't need to be lectured right now from somebody who doesn't understand!" Daniel winced the moment the words left his mouth. They sounded cold even to his own ears. "I'm sorry, Janet... I didn't mean --"

"No, you're right, Daniel. I'm sorry." Her voice was soft. "I'll be there within the hour."

"Wait! Oh G-d... I nearly forgot. Janet... please don't get mad."

"What is it? What happened?"

"Well, I think I made a big mistake."

"What did you do, Daniel? Out with it!"

"Well, you have to tell the maintenance not to touch my garbage."

"Why?"

"Well, I sort of threw out the empty vials and the used syringes."

"What? Daniel! Don't you remember what I told you about safety precautions? That's dangerous!"

"I know... I know... It's just that, I was in such a rush to get home that I stuffed them into the garbage without thinking. I know it was stupid."

"Okay, Daniel. When did this happen?"

"Early yesterday morning."

"I'll go to your office right now and check things out."

"Thanks, Janet. I really appreciate it."

"Yeah... yeah... yeah... Just be ready within the hour." Daniel hung up the phone and walked to his closet. He opened the doors and pulled out a handkerchief. If a guest was coming, he might as well look as presentable as he possibly could.

Jack sat in his car and waited. His view of Daniel's apartment building was slightly blocked by the dozens of trees that stood between his hidden position and the tall structure. Daniel was bound to leave his apartment sooner or later and Jack was going to be there when that time came.

Jack's head was hurting him. The millions of thoughts bouncing around in his mind all day long were bound to give him a headache or two. The Internet search from the day before had definitely caught his immediate attention. According to the websites he had encountered, Daniel was either suffering from a deficiency of white blood cells, or...he didn't even want to think of the 'or'.

He glanced at his watch. He was supposed to be at the base right now catching up on his work. Jack almost laughed at the thought. Judging from recent events, he knew he would never be able to sit still at his desk let alone concentrate on writing reports! Too much was on his mind at the moment.

Jack abruptly sat up when he saw two people walking towards the apartment building. His eyes squinted as he struggled to make out the two approaching figures. It was definitely two women, he noted with satisfaction. He peered even more closely. One was a blond and the other a brunette. Jack nearly choked when he realized on whom he was spying. What the hell were Carter and Fraiser doing there? His back straightened as he attempted to get a better view. Janet was holding some medical equipment while Carter was carrying a blue container. Someone was coming out to greet them... someone... someone... with a green handkerchief. It was Daniel! He looked more closely.

Jack's throat clamped up.

He had to get out of there! His fingers fumbled clumsily for the keys that were already in the ignition. He turned them forcefully, not even waiting for the motor to start before he put the car in drive. He slammed his foot down on the gas causing the car to screech loudly as it drove away.

Jack shuddered involuntarily as he turned the corner.

He couldn't quite get the haunting image out of his head. Daniel with a handkerchief... Daniel... with no hair...

Chapter 23

"All right, Daniel, all done." Janet smiled as she began to clear away the mess that she had made on Daniel's table. "How are you feeling so far?"

"So far so good," he mumbled as he watched the smaller woman take out the IV.

"Where's your closest garbage?" Sam asked as she helplessly turned in a circle, plastic covers and used cotton balls threatening to fall out of her hands.

"In the kitchen," Daniel answered.

"Speaking of garbages Daniel, I went into your office and checked on yours." Janet said while she checked Daniel's temperature.

"Oh yeah... I almost forgot. What did you find?"

"More like, what I didn't find. Daniel, the vials and the syringes you were talking about weren't there."

"What? You think the maintenance already dumped them?"

"No." Daniel paused at Janet's response, an expression of confusion spread across his face.

"Then how do you know that the garbage wasn't dumped?"

Janet responded with a question of her own. "You said that there were four vials right?"

"Right."

"Did you throw out all the syringes at the same time as you did the four vials?"

"Yes... why?"

"Well, did you throw out a separate syringe the next day?"

"No."

"Daniel, I know the maintenance people didn't touch your garbage because I already found one used syringe in the bin. The rest of the three syringes were gone and all four vials were no where in sight." Janet stared at Daniel with a strict gaze. She wanted an explanation.

"Janet, I'm telling you the truth. I threw them all out at the same time." Daniel said as he tried to get up. The sudden spinning of the room caused him to fall back into his chair.

"Easy, Daniel, take it slow." Sam reached out to steady the younger man.

"I don't understand... I put --"

"Don't worry about it now, Daniel. Just get some sleep okay?" Sam suggested as she gave Daniel a sympathetic look. He nodded in agreement. His eyes were beginning to droop and his tense back was in desperate need of a soft mattress.

"I'm going to stay with you this time for a couple of hours. Just to make sure there won't be a sequel to your last performance." Janet said as she made her way to the kitchen sink and washed her hands carefully.

"Sorry I can't stay, Daniel, I have to go back to the base." Sam leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. "Bye."

"Bye," Daniel said as he watched Sam leave. He was jealous of her. While she had her reports and her briefings, he would only have his toilet and bed to look forward to.

Sam tried to catch up to her CO who was presently walking awkwardly down the hall. His shoulders were considerably stiff as he trudged along, his legs losing their laid-back stride. When she finally came up next to him, she noticed that his face and eyes were austere. "Sir?" she asked softly, careful not to irritate his mood any further.

"What?" he snapped back. His eyes remained focused on the floor.

"Sir, is there a briefing today? I might have missed --" Jack stopped walking abruptly. He turned towards his second in command, his stare was cold and severe.

"Excuse me?"

"Well... I wanted to know the exact time for our next briefing..."

"Who knows, Carter... Maybe it already happened." She looked at him carefully, her eyebrows creased in confusion. "Maybe the briefing already happened and nobody bothered to inform me about it!" He swiftly turned away from her and continued down the hall. She stared at his back in bewilderment. What had caused the sudden outburst? She began to walk away when an abrupt realization dawned on her.

She had found Daniel's burglar.

Chapter 24

Samantha Carter glanced at her watch for the fifth time in as many minutes.

"Do not worry yourself, Captain Carter, O'Neill will be here shortly." Teal'c's voice was calm as usual. She wished she could say the same for herself. Her nerves were all in a bundle. Although she was not thirsty, Sam took another big sip from her water. She needed to distract herself.

"Would you like to order?" The soft voice of the waitress caused Sam to jump slightly. She looked up at the woman and swiftly responded, "No thank you, not yet. We're still waiting for one more person." The waitress nodded and walked away.

Sam glanced at the entrance one more time. Was she doing the right thing? Was it right of her to betray Daniel like this? Sam sighed. She was so sick of doubting herself. She knew that she had to do this or else... or else she would never forgive herself. She also knew that Daniel would be mad, but she assured herself that what she was about to do was in his best interest. She couldn't let this get any more out of hand!

"Captain Carter!" Sam looked up at Teal'c's warning. Her heart nearly jumped when she saw her CO walk into the restaurant. She looked up at Jack as he made his way over to their booth. He was fifteen minutes late.

"What do you want, Carter?"

"Sir, please sit down. I... we..." She pointed at herself and Teal'c "... really need to talk."

Jack took a seat across from his two teammates. "So talk!" He had an icy gleam in his eyes. Sam knew that look. It was a look of anger. It was a look filled with hurt. It belonged to a man who had been insulted-a man who had been deceived by his closest friends. Sam looked down at her hands.

"Daniel's been... Daniel's been sick, Sir." She looked up at her commanding officer, examining him for some sort of reaction. His eyes didn't even flicker. She continued carefully, "It's cancer, Sir... to be more specific, it's Hodgkin's disease." The only reaction she perceived was a faint twitch of his jaw. "He's been sick for over two weeks. Janet put him on chemo... that's why he hasn't been to the base in a while." Jack continued to stare in front of him. She waited for him to speak. He didn't. The uncomfortable silence was interrupted by the sound of the young waitress approaching their booth.

"Hello, Sir." She looked at Jack, a large smile spread across her face. "Would you like to see --"

"No!" Jack snapped, his eyes still focused on his two co-workers seated across from him. The waitress nervously pulled back the menu she was holding out.

"Are you ready to order?" Her voice was a little less cheerful. Sam looked up and handed her the menu.

"I'll have the Club and a Diet Coke." The waitress jotted down a few words on her pad and then looked down at Teal'c.

"I will have the chicken platter." The waitress nodded and turned cautiously in Jack's direction. She was very aware that the man was clearly upset at something.

"And you, Sir?"

"Beer," he answered coldly.

"Well, Sir, we have a selection of them. We have Molson, Hei--"

"That's fine!" He looked up at her for the first time since she had approached their table. She nodded and quickly walked away. Jack turned his attention back to Sam.

"DanielJackson is unaware of this confrontation, O'Neill." Sam looked at Teal'c carefully and took over.

"Daniel... well, he doesn't know that we're telling you this. He's a little bit uncomfortable with people knowing --"

"But he can tell you and Teal'c, right?"

Sam winced at Jack's tone of voice. This was not going to get resolved tonight. Jack would need to speak to Daniel about this alone. In the meantime, she had to get one message across to him. She didn't care if Jack wasn't going to say a single word, as long as he heard what she was about to say. "Sir, I don't know what has been going on between you and Daniel but --" Jack sighed and rolled his eyes. He wasn't in the mood to get into specifics. Sam's voice became more urgent to his ears.

"Sir, Daniel may seem fine on the outside, but I know emotionally he's not doing well. It can't be easy! He's going through a lot, Sir --" The waitress interrupted Sam as she put down the mug of beer in front of Jack. She turned to Sam and Teal'c and attempted to smile.

"Your meals will be here shortly." When the waitress finally left, Sam continued, "Sir, Daniel needs your help." At that comment, Jack calmly got up, reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He threw a five-dollar bill onto the table and then grabbed his leather jacket. "Sir, wait!" Jack stopped and turned his head back in her direction. "Daniel needs you, Sir..."

"If Daniel needed me, he would have asked for my help a long time ago!" he muttered softly before he turned his back to her and left the restaurant.

Jack got into his car and slammed his fist down on the dashboard. He cursed silently. What was he supposed to do? Daniel didn't want to see him! He had tried to talk to the younger man before but their 'talks' would always end in heated arguments. What did Sam and Teal'c expect from him? He sighed and leaned his head back on the headrest. His eyes wandered around the car in frustration until they caught sight of something.

His cellular...

He reached for it and immediately began to dial. Jack raised the phone to his ear and waited. He looked at his watch. It was suppertime... she had to be home. After a few rings, she finally picked up.

"Janet...? You have to do me a favor!"

Chapter 25

Daniel zipped up his pants and grumbled. In the past few days, he had made more trips to the bathroom than he cared to admit. His bladder was working on overdrive and he was sick of it! He tried cutting back on the fluids but it was no use. His bladder was having a love affair with the toilet bowl and he couldn't do a damn thing about it!

Daniel flushed the toilet and washed his hands. He felt like crap! Unfortunately, he was feeling more and more like that lately. In addition to the sudden shrinkage of his bladder, his bones and joints were extremely sore.

The Neupogen...

Janet had warned him about that. She had also told him that a couple of Tylenols would do the trick... no such luck! Nausea was another issue that had become the source of worry. The Zofran was NOT doing its job. Janet herself had witnessed that the other day when she had decided to stay with him following his second treatment. It was so bad that it got to a point where he would gag at the mere sight of food. He couldn't even eat a simple piece of broccoli due to the fear that he would eventually see it an hour later, floating in his toilet. Daniel shuddered at the thought.

Daniel slowly began to make his way back to his bed when he suddenly stopped. He leaned heavily against one of the bedposts and closed his eyes. The world was spinning. It took a good two minutes before the laws of gravity began to work again.

Daniel undressed until only his boxers remained. He climbed into bed, not even bothering with the sheets. He would soon have to wrestle out of them again and make another trip to the bathroom, so what was the point?

Daniel glanced at the clock. 4:45 a.m. Janet had informed him last night that she was going to send him a nurse. She would arrive at seven in the morning. In a way, he was thankful. The emptiness of his apartment was starting to get to him. Daniel sighed. What had happened to him? Two weeks ago, his life was going just fine. Two weeks ago, he had a job. Two weeks ago, he had friends. Two weeks ago... he had a life. Now, he doubted he could even call it that. Life. He laughed at the thought. This wasn't life... He couldn't go to work. He couldn't eat. He could hardly get out of bed each day. He couldn't talk to his friends... no... He couldn't talk to his best friend. Daniel closed his eyes. Jack. Oh G-d! What had happened between them? He couldn't even remember. All he knew was that he wished he could just pick up the phone and call him. That's all he wanted. One lousy phone call. Daniel laid his head on the pillow under him in frustration. He needed to laugh. He needed to talk... He needed to forget.

It was too late already. He couldn't call Jack now. No, it was much too late. Daniel reached out and set the alarm for 6:50 a.m. His last thought before he drifted off to sleep was that perhaps the following day would be better than the last.

Daniel felt a tingling feeling down below. Although it was quite uncomfortable, he tried to ignore it. Ten minutes later, the tingling turned into a burning sensation. Dammit! He opened his eyes fully and sat up. 'Big mistake' he thought as bile gleefully tickled the back of his throat.

Daniel waited until the room stopped spinning before he got out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. He had to pee again! This time, it felt like he wasn't going to make it. Oh G-d, he had waited too long! Just two more steps... He quickly lifted the toilet seat up and... Daniel sighed. He closed his eyes and leaned his hand against the wall above the toilet. 'Boy did that feel good' he thought with relief. He waited until the final drop fell before he flushed the toilet.

As Daniel washed his hands, he heard his alarm go off in the other room. He left the bathroom and approached the clock. He turned off the alarm and looked down at his attire. Boxers... He shook his head and reached for a sweater and a pair of pants. He would have to look presentable.

Just as he was about to fix his bed, the buzzer sounded in the living room. He made his way towards the radio device on the wall and pressed on a button. He was happy to note that the nurse was exactly on time.

Daniel waited a few minutes before he heard a knock. He walked towards the vestibule and opened the door. Daniel jumped back immediately. "Jack?" Oh G-d! What was going on? Without another thought, he immediately grabbed at the handkerchief that was conveniently hanging on the coat hanger. He couldn't let Jack see him like this! He desperately began to cover his bare head with the green material. Jack winced. "Daniel... you don't have to do that..." Jack's voice was soft and sympathetic. Daniel continued, his fingers shaking as he attempted to tie a knot. When his head was completely covered, Daniel looked back in Jack's direction. It wasn't long before his eyes looked down at the floor. Jack wasn't fooled. After two years of knowing Daniel, he appreciated the fact that he could see right through the younger man. Right now, all he could see was the pain. He could see the hurt... He could see the embarrassment.

A small voice interrupted his thoughts. "Look, Jack, I'm expecting someone..."

"I know, Daniel. You're expecting me..." Daniel's brow furrowed with confusion. Jack smiled softly. "I'm your new nurse..."

Chapter 26

"What?" Daniel's mouth fell open; electric blue eyes stared at the man in front of him.

"Can I at least come in?" Jack nodded his head towards the inside of the apartment. Daniel moved back and opened the door a little wider. "Daniel, we have got to talk." Jack slipped out of his coat and threw it on the couch before taking a seat there himself. Once the door was closed, Daniel turned around to face the older man, his back leaning heavily against the wall.

"Daniel, you know you can sit if you want." Jack pointed at the chair across from him. Daniel slowly approached it. He seemed to stand there a few moments before attempting to sit down and even that task took him a considerable amount of time. When Daniel finally got around to sitting, Jack could hear a soft exclamation as Daniel's back touched the soft surface. "What's wrong?" Jack asked almost hesitantly.

"It's nothing." Daniel managed to hiss as he tried to get into a more comfortable position. It was obvious to Jack that he was trying to mask his pain. Well... it wasn't working. Jack examined Daniel with a careful eye. The young man had changed a lot since he had last seen him. His face was gaunt, he had lost at least ten pounds. He was also extremely pale, a striking contrast to the dark green handkerchief covering his bare head. His movements were stiff, unlike the gracefulness that Jack had gotten used to over the past few years. Despite all of the aforementioned, there was still something that bothered Jack as he watched Daniel. His eyes. They were not the same... No... They were not the eyes that sparkled in the presence of a new discovery. They were not the eyes that shed tears whenever they witnessed hurt or suffering. They were not the eyes that glowed with trust. No. These eyes were different.

These eyes were scared, frightened.

"Jack... I... what are you doing here?" Daniel stuttered nervously.

"Daniel... I know about everything." His words were plain yet their impact on Daniel was significant.

"What...? Well how --"

"That's not important."

Daniel closed his eyes, his face turned into an expression of hurt. "Sam and Janet --"

"No, Daniel, they did nothing to betray you... I found out on my own." Daniel's eyes opened slowly as they focused on Jack. Jack looked away, ignoring the shiver that was beginning to run down his spine.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Jack turned his eyes back in Daniel's direction. What was Daniel talking about? "It was you in my office... you found the vials!" When there was no response, Daniel's voice rose in volume. "Well was it, Jack? Was it you or not?" Daniel's eyes were hard with accusation.

"Look, Daniel..."

"No, Jack! You had no right to do that!" Daniel struggled to stand up. "You have no right!" Daniel's feet were not sturdy and as a result, it looked as though he was going to fall. Jack got up and reached for his friend. "No! Let go of me!" He jerked back from Jack's touch.

Jack pursed his lips in frustration. "Daniel... will you relax and listen to me?" The younger man didn't answer. Instead, he glared at him with cold eyes. Jack continued, this time with a softer voice. "Yes, Daniel... Look, I know I was wrong to snoop around your office but you left me with no choice. You weren't showing up to work for days at a time and when you did show up, you didn't talk to anyone..." Jack paused. "... You didn't talk to me. Everyone seemed to know something that I didn't."

"Jack, you shouldn't have --"

"Why? Why Daniel? Why the hell not? From what I can tell, I was the only one who wasn't told! And don't tell me that it's because of the thing at the pub because that's bullshit and you and I both know that!" Jack lowered his voice in an attempt to calm his nerves. "Look, Daniel, I'm sorry. I was drunk. My friends made a little fun and I laughed. Hell, I laugh at everything when I'm drunk... you should know that by now. Look... I can't even remember what Sanders said or what I was laughing at. Doesn't that prove anything?"

Daniel simply looked down and mumbled, "That's not why I didn't tell you, Jack..." Jack felt a knife go right through him. It took him a moment to realize that the pain in his chest was a result of him feeling hurt, an emotion that he was not quite familiar with. It was hard enough to find out that his best friend had kept a big secret from him but it was even harder to hear it from his very own lips.

"Then why, Daniel?"

"Please, Jack... I'm not feeling so well --"

"No, Daniel... I want to know why!" Jack winced at his own words. He did not mean to sound so harsh. "I want to know why," he repeated, this time his voice was considerably lower.

Daniel stared at Jack, his face even paler. The silence in the room was deafening. Jack could easily hear the tremors in Daniel's breathing as he waited for a response.

"Because... I didn't think you'd want to know."

"What?" Out of all the answers Jack was expecting to hear, that surely wasn't one of them.

"Nothing, Jack... Please just go! I want to be left alone!"

"I'm not going anywhere, Daniel!" Jack was furious. Didn't think he'd want to know? He shook his head in disbelief.

"Fine." Daniel turned towards his room and slammed the door behind him.

"Fine!" Jack's voice echoed from the walls and ceiling. He, too, stomped towards the front door and opened it. He didn't have to take this! He didn't need Daniel's crap! He could just leave right now if he wanted to... If he wanted to... He repeated that last thought in his mind. No. He knew he couldn't leave. It would be just one vicious circle after another and he couldn't go through that again. His mind was made up. He was going to talk to Daniel eventually, even if it meant torturing him with his presence. Jack stepped back into the apartment and closed the door.

Daniel climbed onto his bed. He sighed in resignation. He could never win with Jack! He could never win period... The sudden sound of a door closing interrupted his thoughts. 'Jack left,' he noted to himself. Well... now he was alone again. 'Great' he mused. 'There's another one I managed to push away.' Daniel brought his hands up to his head and ripped off the handkerchief, throwing it roughly to the floor. His hands brushed over his forehead momentarily and came back wet.

He was sweating.

Daniel's stomach was beginning to churn. No! Not now! Not again! Daniel turned onto his side and tried to ignore the gurgling sounds. He could fight this. Yes... he would fight this. He held his stomach and closed his eyes. 'Think of something else,' he told himself desperately. Think of... think of... think of Sha're! He tried to picture her in his mind. Her caring eyes. Her sincere smile. Her full lips... He moaned out loud in pain and turned his body over once again. No! He would not give in! He concentrated harder. Abydos. The beautiful night sky. The smell of Sha're's cooking. The sound of... his stomach! He couldn't ignore it. He had to get out of bed or... he didn't want to think of an 'or'. He dashed towards the bathroom unaware of the lamp that took a plunge to the floor as a result of his sudden movement. He opened the door and bolted towards the toilet. The moment he lifted the seat, he released his stomach contents. His back arched violently as new waves of nausea assaulted him. Daniel lifted his head up for a few moments to catch his breath. He heard footsteps outside. Damn it! Jack hadn't left after all! Daniel quickly reached for the lock on the knob and pressed it. Almost immediately, another fit of coughing took him over. As he leaned forward once again, he knew it would be another long day.

Jack sat up immediately when he heard a loud crash. The sound seemed to originate from Daniel's bedroom. He quickly rushed over towards the darkened room. He suddenly stopped in his tracks. The bathroom door was closed and he could hear the muffled sounds of Daniel's gagging from within.

Jack approached the sound until he stood face to face with the bathroom door. Jack didn't wait another moment before trying the knob. Just as he had thought! It was locked. He knocked on the door lightly.

"Daniel, are you okay?" He neared his head closer. There was no answer. All he could hear was violent coughing and choking. He tried again. "Daniel! Open the door." Jack waited again. Nothing. His hands turned into fists as worry began to seep in. He quickly started to pound on the door. "Daniel... Let me in! Open the door now!" This time, the room was silent. "Daniel!" Another hard pound with his fist. "Daniel... Open the door!" Just as he was about to raise his fist once again, Jack could hear Daniel's groggy voice from inside.

"Go away Jack... I'm fine."

"No you're not, Daniel --"

"Jack... I'm fine!" Daniel pronounced every syllable carefully, making sure the older man knew just how annoyed he was. Suddenly, Daniel opened the door. He looked weak and tired. "Jack, please get out of my way." Daniel's voice was low, almost incoherent. Jack stepped back and watched Daniel walk past him towards the bed, his gait unsteady. Daniel got into bed slowly.

"Daniel, I'm not leaving." Jack felt the need to reinforce his presence. He wanted Daniel to know that he was not alone.

Expecting an outburst of some sort or a rude comment in return, he was surprised to hear the younger man's response. "Fine." It was a simple word, barely a whisper, but Jack knew that its meaning went far beyond a simple approval. It meant a lot more. He grinned to himself.

Daniel needed him.

Daniel didn't want to be alone anymore.

Chapter 27

The pain in his head would not leave him alone. Daniel brought his fingers up to his temples and began to rub. He frowned when he felt his pulse racing under his own fingertips. He opened his eyes and was shocked to find that an invisible mist masked his vision. Blur... everything was... blurred. He squinted his eyes and tried again. He could only make out vague images and shadows. 'Not good,' he thought.

Daniel threw the covers off in an attempt to cool down. Judging from the beads of sweat still trickling down his forehead, he knew that it was useless. He had to turn up the air conditioning or he was going to die a gruesome death. That meant he had to get out of his room... a task that would require energy, something that he didn't have at the moment.

Daniel attempted to get off of his bed. He stumbled the moment his feet touched the carpeted floor, nearly falling to the ground as a result. He carefully made his way out of his bedroom, a sigh escaping his pursed lips. Screw the air conditioning... he needed to go for a walk... outside. The door... he had to get to the door.

Daniel's feet were unsteady as he approached the destination, his vision still doubtful. He could faintly hear heavy breathing from somewhere nearby. He dismissed it as he wiped away at the wetness on his face. When he could slightly make out the lock on the door, he reached out and unlocked it. Satisfied, Daniel turned the knob and stepped out in to the hallway. He had only taken a few steps in the direction of the elevators before an intense wave of dizziness invaded him. He needed to... he needed the bathroom again! He turned in a panic. The world was closing in, making it hard for him to see clearly. He whipped his head from side to side, his eyes wide open in alarm. Where was his door? Why was everything so dark and obscure? He reached out his shaking arms and felt for any obstacles in front of him. He teetered towards the right, his hands coming in contact with a wall.

G-d he was so hot!

Daniel could feel himself losing consciousness. He fought against the darkness. He barely caught himself from falling over before all of his energy seemed to dissipate. He graciously leaned against something hard... he looked up... a door? He pounded on it frantically, he needed... he had to... He was getting more and more dizzy. Too hot! It was too damn hot! He tried to open his mouth but couldn't find the energy to do so. Daniel pounded again on the door, his breaths were coming in sharp gasps. He fought to keep his balance... Time seemed to stand still while he pitched forward. When he hit the hard floor, his mind screamed as he heard an ominous crack...

Chapter 28

John Ludwig's head popped up from its comfortable perch. What the...? Someone was banging on his door at... he looked at his clock... 3:30 in the morning? He glanced over at the sleeping form next to him. 'The woman can sleep through anything!' he mumbled to himself. He reached for his night robe, a dark blue material draped over one of his chairs. Just as he struggled with the last sleeve, he heard more pounding on the door. "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." he muttered under his breath as he approached his front entrance. "Who is it?" he called out lowly so as not to wake up his sleeping wife. "Who's there?" He tried again when he received no answer. Moments later, he heard a loud thud from outside. Hesitantly, he opened the door. His curiosity piqued, John craned his neck as he instinctively took a step forward.

"Daniel?"

John quickly rushed to the stricken man's side. Daniel was sprawled on the floor, his cheeks red and clammy, his voice moaning in pain. "Daniel... what happened?" John tried to kneel down, a task he found increasingly difficult at his elderly age. "Daniel, where are you hurt?" His young neighbor was not responding. Instead, Daniel lolled his head from side to side, his face creased in pain. The old man firmly grabbed onto Daniel's chin, forcing blue eyes to look into brown. Daniel blinked a few times as if coming out of some horrid dream... or nightmare.

It hurt! It hurt like hell! Daniel curbed the urge to scream. Something... or...someone... was touching him... a shadow above him. A deep voice... what was it saying? He couldn't make it out. Hurt? Yes, he could definitely make that one out! The voice was talking to him again. It sounded muffled... Daniel closed his eyes and tried to remember... He had fallen... not two minutes ago. Where was he? On the floor? Daniel moved his head to the side. Doors... hallway. He suddenly felt a cold hand on his face... his chin. He surrendered to the touch, allowing his eyes to look above him. Big eyes... worried eyes... Brown eyes...

"Jack?" he asked softly.

"No, Daniel, it's John... from across the hall." John? What was he doing here? A stroke of pain traveled down his leg, nearly forcing him to give way to the darkness once again. There were sharp noises... above him... Daniel's eyes popped open at the sound... it was... snapping. John was snapping his fingers not two centimeters from his nose. "Stay with me, Daniel... Daniel... stay with me, you hear?" The brown eyes above him pleaded, begged for him to respond. Daniel nodded his head stiffly.

"I'm here... I'm here..." Daniel couldn't recognize the sound of his own voice. Although still in pain, he was happy to note that darkness no longer seemed to loom over him. His vision was improving along with his sense of hearing... Not seconds after this revelation, Daniel's thoughts were distracted by the sound of his own name. The voice was unmistakable... it was Jack.

"Jesus, Daniel! What the hell happened?"

"Well, Jack... I think I fell..." Daniel managed a shy grin. Jack didn't respond. Instead, he made his way over and knelt down beside the leg that Daniel was desperately clutching at, his knuckles already white from strain.

"The leg?" Jack asked mildly. Daniel nodded.

"Wait here," John said in a hurry as he got up from the floor, "My wife's a doctor. I'll be right back --" The old man was already on his way to his apartment.

"You took quite a spill there, Daniel." Jack eyed the younger man clearly unhappy with the current situation. "Daniel, you should've asked me to help you. That's why I'm here." Daniel didn't respond. He didn't want to talk. The two men stared at each other in utter silence.

"Daniel...? What happened?" The sweet voice from behind him interrupted the uncomfortable stillness between the two men. Daniel turned his head. Although still fighting against the pain, Daniel lips curled into a fine grin.

"Hi, Grace."

"Daniel..." she smiled back. The woman next to him had sharp cheekbones and brilliant green eyes. Although she only wore a simple night robe, she looked as graceful as ever. The few wrinkles she possessed defied her age, she looked youthful and vigorous, almost childlike behind her delicate smile. Her eyes shone with authority and strength. "Let's take a look at that leg shall we?" Daniel rested his head back on the floor and closed his eyes. He could feel her feminine fingers examining his leg; her touch was gentle. "Well, Daniel..." He opened his eyes as she addressed him. "... I've got some bad news..."

"What is it?" Daniel's voice and face were uneasy.

"You've broken your foot." Her voice retained a sense of confidence and conviction. Twenty years of being a physician had taught her never to doubt herself.

"What? How could that be? It was a simple fall!" Daniel lifted himself up on his elbows, frustration apparent in his movements.

"Now wait a minute young man... you lie back down!" She reached out and brushed her hand over his forehead slightly. "You have a temperature, Daniel. You're very hot... Now this is what we are going to do." She turned to her husband. "John, you go down and get the car ready, I'm going to go inside and find something to stabilize that swollen foot, and you..." She pointed at Jack. "... Are going to stay with Daniel." John was already heading towards the elevators as Grace got up and left the two men alone.

Jack looked down at his friend. "Nice neighbors you've got there." He tried to smile, but what came out was a poor attempt at a lopsided grin. His effort at lightening up Daniel's mood was failing miserably. Jack continued, "Listen, Daniel..." Daniel's face suddenly scrunched up in pain. "What's wrong?" The younger man simply gripped at his stomach and mumbled incoherent words. "What? Jesus, Daniel, tell me what's wrong!" Almost immediately, Jack received his answer... Daniel turned his head to the side and began to cough violently, throwing up what little food his stomach still contained. Jack backed away slightly and moved to Daniel's back. He reached out and began to rub it, much like Sarah used to do when Charlie had the flu. It was a soothing gesture. Jack tried to murmur comforting words to his sick friend but was immediately cut short when Daniel roughly jerked away from him.

"Daniel... will you stop pulling away like that. It's getting old already!"

Daniel glared up at Jack. "Look, Jack, I don't need your help!" His voice was forced.

"If you don't need my help, then why are you lying here on the floor with a broken foot!"

"Jack, just stop!"

"You know, Daniel, I'm getting really sick of this attitude of yours! Forget about your pride and let me help you!"

"Pride? Pride, Jack? Look at me! Look at me!" Daniel pointed at his bare head. "I have no pride left!" Jack winced at his words.

"Daniel, tell me the truth. Why don't you want me around, huh?" Jack remembered Daniel's earlier words... his explanation as to why he didn't want to tell Jack about the disease. "Don't you see, Daniel? I do care...! So why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Just forget about it, Jack! I don't want to talk. My leg hurts, " Daniel said dismissively, turning his head away from Jack.

"Hurts...? Hurts? Do you want to know what hurt is, Daniel? Hurt is when my friend refuses to talk to me, refuses to be in the same room as me. Hurt is when my friend doesn't want me around and acts as if my presence is insignificant to him and to everyone around him. Hurt, Daniel... is when my best friend refuses to tell me about something important like cancer because he thinks that 'I wouldn't want to know!'"

'Best friend'? Daniel replayed the words in his head. He slowly looked up, his breath caught in his throat. Tears were swimming in Jack's eyes, threatening to spill over. Guilt immediately overwhelmed him. He hadn't even realized the pain and hurt that he had caused Jack these past few weeks. He opened his mouth and whispered, "Jack... I lied to you before..."

"What?"

"I lied to you yesterday... I didn't... I didn't want you to know about the cancer for another reason..." Daniel's eyes were beginning to sting. "I didn't tell you about the cancer because..." He paused and brought his hand up to his scalp. "... Because I didn't want you to see me like this..." His voice quivered as he tried to control his emotions. He looked next to him, his own vomit not two feet away. Daniel closed his eyes in shame. "I didn't want you to see me like this..." he repeated, this time his voice no louder than a whisper.

Daniel looked back at his friend.

A single tear escaped Jack's eye, slowly making its way down his cheek.

It was the first time Daniel had ever seen Jack cry.

© May 26, 2000 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

Author's Note: I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of my beta readers, Jmas, Spacemonkey and Maria, for their wonderful encouragement and advice. Thank you, guys, you really helped a lot! This fic was very hard to write and I'd like to express my appreciation for all those at the Stargate H/C list too -- without your constant encouragement and feedback, I probably would have never finished this baby.

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