I was five when I ran away. Well, I didn't really run away. More like...hiding behind one of the piles of crates shipped from Cairo for a few hours until my mom found me. I wanted to teach them a lesson. I didn't want to go to school. I wanted to stay with them and watch them take out every fragment, every artifact, and tell me their stories. I didn't want to go to school and learn to read when I already knew how. Bet no one there even knew how to read hieroglyphics either. No, I definitely didn't want to go to school. It was like I had already known that my time with them back then would be so short.
Mom and dad found me a few hours later, after I had scrawled a note on dad's little leaflet pad, declaring my vow to not go to school and that I was running away. Ha. Some escape. They found me easily enough when I had started sneezing.
Vanilla breezes. I remembered smelling vanilla as mom tucked me back into bed She ignored my protests about going to school tomorrow. I didn't care that we were staying here for six months. She could teach me like she always had, when we were travelling to all those places. I wanted to learn my math under the pillars of Greece again or maybe by the fountains of Barcelona. Not in a room. Not with people that I did not know.
I remembered her smile as I had tugged at her dusty sleeve and begged her to let me stay home. I think she must have known that I was afraid of leaving them. She cooed to me, brushed my hair that was the same color of hers away from my eyes and told me a story.
I don't remember the entire story, although when I was older, I did try to find it. Never did. I wonder if she just made it up. It was nice, though.
It was about a boy (just like me, she said) who had to make a long journey. Just like Ulysses? I remembered asking and she nodded with that smile that she always gave when I surprised her with another tidbit of knowledge I had learned from eavesdropping.
The boy was scared (just like me, she said, although I had denied it in front of her) and needed to find people to come with him in this journey. On the road, he found a man who told him he would be his guardian- someone to take my hand and walk with me through the ivy and thorns. Then the boy met a wizard, who would use his magic to scare the bad magic away. Then the warrior asked to join the group. He promised to kill all the dragons. The boy wasn't scared any more and went with his circle. The group always stayed together and the boy soon became a man and that man became king.
Mom told me that I would find them soon and I wouldn't have to be afraid. It was okay. I wasn't alone. I had my parents to come to me every night, no matter how tired they were, to tell me the stories from the magic stones they worked with every day. She told me that the circle would surround me and protect me. Then she tucked my blankets tightly around me, wiped my eyes and then stepped back to let dad come in to kiss me on my forehead.
Then...they were gone. My circle. My own circle. Lost under the magical fragments they had so loved to unpack and study. Suddenly, I was alone in my journey.
I hadn't thought about that last night for a very long time. But when the sounds of beeping and voices surrounded me, I realized that I had dreamt about it.
I could smell the antiseptic and it told me where I was when I was dreaming.
The infirmary. God, I hate that place. It's becoming like an office here for me. Doctor Fraiser threatened to give me a reserved bed if this keeps up.
Yeah, like I want to keep doing this.
I know all the nurses by first name now, know what antibiotics they give me, and what time that tray of food usually comes in. What day is it today? I hope it wasn't Wednesday. That would have meant they were serving that chicken casserole.
It's so hard to open my eyes. I know I must be awake. I could hear voices around me, feel that annoying prick of the IV tubing on my arm, and the stiff sheets tucked around me.
"Stop pacing, sir."
Sam.
"If I have to sit on that chair one more time, Carter, my ass is going to become a goddamn square."
Jack. That could only be Jack.
"Janet said he was better now. His fever's gone."
I had a fever?
"So he's stable now. He's okay, sir."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Your constant movement will awake Daniel Jackson."
Teal'c. I think he's sitting to my left. Actually, knowing Teal'c- he would be standing at attention.
"Teal'c, Danny's so doped up with sedatives right now, he probably can't even remember his own name."
My name's Daniel Jackson, Jack. See? I remember. Just don't remember how I got here. That's all.
Fluttering of pages told me that they had tried to occupy themselves with some reading material.
"God damn stuff's so outdated...back in the Ford Administration..." As usually, nothing seemed to satisfy Jack here. "They should consider putting a television set in here."
"Sir, would you please stop pacing?"
"I'm trying to stay awake so when Daniel wakes up, I could kill him!"
Uh oh. What did I do?
"...Damn fool must have been like that for miles...should have told me as soon as he got hurt...how much rope do I need to tie him to the rover..."
I think I remember now. Vaguely, the images of an attack by the Go'uald. I remember that sharp pain on my side. But it was nothing. It wasn't serious. Or at least, I didn't think it was anything serious.
"Scared the shit out of me when I turned around and saw him staring at the DHD like a zombie."
Sorry, Jack. I should have hang in there a bit longer. At least until I got through the Stargate. Next time I won't pass out like that. Really. I think I broke my nose when I hit the DHD face first.
"Sir. Sir." I think Sam's getting annoyed, Jack. Better sit down.
"What?"
"Are you mad at Daniel, sir?"
Sam, isn't it obvious? I'm surprised Jack hadn't gotten sick and tired of protecting my back after all this time. I really tried this time, though. I really tried to cover my own back this time. I did.
I can hear Jack sigh. He sounded tired. How long have you all been waiting there?
"...No...I'm not mad at Daniel, Carter."
What?
"Hell...this isn't the first time he's pulled this stunt, Carter."
Sorry.
"Daniel Jackson wished us not to worry."
I didn't want to be a bother, guys.
"Well...he's not doing a very good job."
Damn. I'm really, really sorry, Jack.
"That's not his fault, sir."
Yes, it is. I know I'm not...military, Jack. I know I can be distracting at times. How many times had you considered kicking me off the team? More times than you would tell me, I bet.
"No Carter, it's not his fault...it's mine."
What?
"What?"
Did I say that out loud?
"What? Sir?"
No, it was Sam.
"I thought I could keep an eye on him." Jack sighed again. "Obviously, I was wrong."
No! Jack, that's not true. God let me wake up now.
"I don't think Daniel was expecting you to protect him all the time, sir."
"I know. And I can't all the time, but times like these really...I should have realized that he wasn't feeling well."
"We all should have, but we're not psychics either, sir."
Logical one. That's Sam. Jack, listen to her.
"Seems like we need to be sometimes."
That...is true. Like now. What are you thinking, Jack? Wish I were psychic right now. What is going on with the militaristic mind of Jack O'Neill?
"Look, why don't you guys get something to eat?"
"What about you, sir?"
"I'll sit for a while here."
Thought you didn't want your butt to become square, Jack. Just go, Jack. Get some sleep. You sound like you could use some.
"I can remain, O'Neill."
"No, Teal'c. It's okay. Grab me a cup of coffee while you're at it, okay?"
I hear footsteps as they reluctantly leave. It's quiet now. I wonder if Jack had changed his mind and left with them.
"Danny? Can you hear me?"
Wish I could tell you that I could hear you just fine.
"God damn it, Danny."
Danny. He's calling me Danny. That's not good. It's my O'Neill gauge. If he curses and then uses the nickname he gave me, that is not good.
He's worried.
"You shouldn't be here. You should be up in that lab, poking around your rocks."
Artifacts, Jack. Artifacts.
"...Artifacts, I mean."
Well, I'll be...
"We've got to talk about this ducking thing, Daniel."
Sorry.
"Can't keep doing this. How many holes do we have to patch up before it becomes no use to do so anymore?"
Good thing I'm still out of it. I have no idea what to say about that.
"Maybe built you a shield you can carry around with. We'll talk to Carter about that."
Now really, Jack.
"Should ask the Doc to find that god damn bull-eyes that you must have painted on you."
Very funny, Jack.
"God damn it, Daniel!"
He must be really mad. That's twice he said that.
"Lives like a cat." Jack laughs.
Meow, Jack.
"How many is that now, Jackson?"
I don't know. Feels like I've used up all nine already.
"Tell you to duck and you run out there waving your arms..."
I was trying to tell them not to shoot.
"Staring at that staff weapon like some goddamn artifact."
Well...I was surprised.
"Why didn't you tell me that you got hit?"
I...
"Think I would get mad?"
Okay...when did Jack become psychic?
"I'm more mad that you didn't tell me...God dammit, Jackson! What? You think you would be trouble for us? Didn't want to slow us down? Didn't want to be a bother?"
Three out of three. I'm...stunned.
Jack's voice is suddenly so quiet now. "You are not a bother, Daniel Jackson. We're a team. We work together. We survive together. We bleed together. Anyone one of us gets hurt, hurts all of us. You let us know. You...let...me...know."
Jack...I don't know what to say. Well, actually it's all insubstantial. Even if I did know what to say, I can't say it since I'm still so muddled that I can't seem to get my mouth to work any words out.
"We're family here. We tell each other if there is anything wrong. Got it?"
Got it, Jack.
"Now hurry up and wake up so I can yell at you for real!"
Oh boy.
I can hear the chair move as he sits back down again. Jack's not saying anything else now and I found myself drifting again...
When I woke up for real, I had to blink first. White walls became clouds. Blink again and I can see the fluorescent lights on the ceilings. They changed my bed into a private room. God my head hurts. So does my throat. It's like I swallowed a mouthful of sand from Abydos. A snore caught my attention and I turned my head. Or at least, I tried to.
Finally getting my head to turn to my right, I had an urge to cheer my success in my victorious control over my numb muscles.
They're all here again. Teal'c, Sam, and Jack.
Jack's snoring.
Seeing them there, all sprawled in what must be such an uncomfortable position on their chairs, for some reason- warms my heart.
I'm not alone.
Do you see? Mom? Dad? Who would have thought I found my circle?
I found a reluctant guardian in Jack. He drags me through thorns and sharp ivy with false grumbling; pulls me out of the way of fiery fireballs and monsters in the night.
The logical wizard in Sam, with her science and kindred spirit of curiosity. I feel like less an oddity with her there sharing my excitement in new discoveries.
Teal'c, the demon vanquisher. God I envy his courage and strength. It was easy to see beyond the tattoo on his forehead and see a man with honor and bravery, and the rock solid will that sometimes makes him more human than any of us.
When did I suddenly find myself no longer lonely, no longer an outsider looking in?
Cards. Where did all those cards come from? I can't see them clearly. Where are my glasses? There they are. Tucked in Jack's pocket. Those cards...they're not for me are they? I move my arm to take one to look at.
Tervo. She's from Records. I remember her. I only met her briefly. Becky. Talked to her a couple of times. So many names I can't keep track. I can feel my face heat up. Didn't mean to cause such a fuss.
Jack shifted in his seat and grumbled.
We're a team. We work together. We survive together. We bleed together. Anyone one of us gets hurt, hurts all of us.
I believe you, Jack. Never thought such a thing existed anymore. But I believe you.
Now Sam's shifting in her sleep. Gosh they look so tired. I really want to hear their voices, to assure myself that I'm really here- that it's not some sort of fevered dream in my unconscious.
But it's okay.
Let them sleep.
I know I'm going to be okay.
I'm within my circle. Everything's going to be fine, right?
© 1999 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.